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Hi, my name is Lindsay and welcome to Radio Headspace and to Tuesday Morning.
So I don't know about you, but I've definitely had moments of financial shame, Whether it was overspending on a night out or feeling like I didn't make enough, these things really had an effect on how I felt about myself.
But this is totally normal, and there are things that we can do to help mitigate these feelings.
So today, we'll explore financial shame.
What it is, how it affects our decisions, and why acknowledging and addressing it can help us build healthier financial habits.
Let's dive in. i think we have to start by acknowledging that guilt and shame are different but we tend to use those words interchangeably so guilt is external while shame is internal so for example guilt is i made a mistake shame is i am a mistake so when it comes to financial shame this sounds like i'm bad with money.
I don't get money. Money isn't for people like me.
And when we start to understand that, it helps us to see how this financial shame can manifest and also impact what we do or don't do when it comes to our money.
I have absolutely experienced financial shame And it runs the gamut from overspending on a night out to feeling like I was too dumb to understand something like how to file taxes.
Right now, I am in partnership with the University of Michigan.
We've run financial empowerment workshops for over 450 participants.
And something that has been screaming out both anecdotally and in the survey data is that people are saying that it was so powerful to not be alone when it comes to money.
Because secrecy, silence and judgment impacts shame and tends to make shame worse.
The way that these workshops worked is that there would be a little bit of information taught, an example given.
And the bulk of the time was having people who were literal strangers at the same table have conversations with one another about things like what their money story was or about money mistakes they'd made or about financial goals that they wanted to achieve.
I have an anonymous quote from a participant who said, quote, going to the workshop and sitting with my emotions while everyone else was talking made me realize this isn't just a me problem, unquote.
And taking our conversations about money from the dark into the light helped people see that money is emotional and they are not the only person who has experienced shame or embarrassment or a mistake when it comes to money.
So when it comes to shame, what we know is that secrecy, silence and judgment tend to make shame work.
So quick primer secrecy is actively hiding information.
So when this comes to money, it might look like shredding credit card statements so your partner doesn't see them.
Silence is avoiding something or shutting something down.
And when it comes to money, it could be like changing a subject when your partner brings up the grocery bill.
And then finally, there's judgment.
Judgment is criticizing behavior.
And we can judge ourselves or we can judge others.
So this might look like, oh, I should have known better than signing that lease or kind of side -eyeing somebody else and being judgy saying things like, I can't believe they spent money on that vacation.
And money shame is so impactful because we don't actively talk about money or engage in open and compassionate conversations about money.
So this secrecy, silence and judgment kind of piles on.
So when it comes to addressing financial shame, there are four things that can help.
Labeling, compassion, social support, and education.
Labeling is naming what happened.
Compassion, you're very familiar with if you've been listening to this podcast, but it's extending kindness and curiosity and understanding.
understanding, then we have social support.
Don't keep this thing to yourself.
And then finally, education.
And this is where we make meaning of that perceived mistake.
It isn't necessarily read these 12 books on money and then you'll be better.
So the way that this looks when we put labeling, compassion, social support, and education together would look or sound something like this.
I'm embarrassed I spent so much money on takeout.
It's been so hectic with work and at the end of the school year that I kept running out of time for family dinners and I would order food instead.
I brought it up to some of my friends during our kids' soccer game, and many of them had the same problem or completely understood where I was coming from.
So my friends and I agreed to do a monthly freezer prep party to make some healthy meals together that can go in the freezer for those hectic nights.
And I also chatted with my partner about having them do a few extra drop -offs and pickups so I don't feel so frazzled.
So rather than, I'm embarrassed I spent so much money, I'm so bad, what's wrong with me?
How come I just can't stick to a budget?
We say, here's the thing that happened.
I'm going to be kind to myself.
I'm going to see if anybody else has been through this or has these ideas.
And then how can I make meaning of that mistake and make a compassionate change.
Again, it might sound like a lot, but I've personally found this super helpful, and I hope you do too.
Thanks again for listening.
I'll see you back here really soon.
