Lemonada hey.
Story pirates podcast listeners lee here.
Welcome back to season eight.
On today's episode, we have a brand new song, a brand new story and a brand new special guest the incredible and hilarious actor matt oberg.
But grown-ups.
Before we begin, i'd like to take just a minute to continue to ask for your help with finishing our season.
We want to be honest with our listeners that it is a really challenging time right now for educational media providers like the Story Pirates.
Unless we're able to raise more funds, this season could unfortunately be a short one.
We've already received so many responses from you about this.
Thank you to everyone who has already donated and reached out.
It really, truly means so much to us.
And if you haven't had a chance to help yet, we're still offering, for the first time, personalized videos from us to you.
That's right for your tax-deductible donation.
We'll send you, your kids, whoever in your life that you think will appreciate it probably your kids a personalized video saying hello, happy birthday, merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, whatever.
You can choose a video from me or Peter or Megan or Nimany or Eric or even Rolo.
So this is the only time we've ever offered this, and we're not going to be doing it again anytime soon.
So this is your chance.
Get a video for that special, imaginative kid in your life and help the Story Pirates finish our season.
And if you're hearing all of this and you have even more significant resources to spare, we are looking for some patrons who might want to have a conversation with us about becoming credited producers on the show.
If that sounds like you, please, please, please drop us a line.
And of course, like I said, all donations are completely tax deductible.
Get your personalized video or...
Get in touch with us about a larger contribution at storypirates.com slash support.
That link is also in the show notes for today's episode.
Okay.
Thanks for listening.
And thanks again for all of your support.
We really love our listeners.
On to the show.
After a few more words for the grownups.
Okay, Megan, Peter, remember, this is just a quick stop.
We have a schedule to keep.
Lee, didn't you make a big point of saying we were driving the long way to StorytellerCon so that we can stop and see all the little things along the way?
Yes, but that doesn't mean that I can't also have a strict itinerary.
It doesn't?
Relax, Lee, it's just a quick scenic overlook.
And with a name like Old Baby Mountain Face, how could we skip this stop?
I don't totally understand what this is.
Here's a plaque that explains it.
It says, Welcome to Old Baby Mountain Face, named for the distinct profile of the nearby mountain.
Some say that if you squint, it resembles the face of a crying baby.
Others don't.
In fact, most don't.
Maybe this is one we could have skipped.
I'm going to see if I can see it.
Squint!
Be careful, Peter.
You'll hurt yourself squinting like that.
Can you see it?
I think I can!
Ah!
Hear it?
What?
That's ridiculous.
Let me try it.
Whoa, I hear it too.
That is one articulate baby.
Oh, my goodness.
Over the railing, there's a man stuck in that tree.
The baby's a man?
Don't worry.
We'll get a rope and help you up.
Right, Lee?
Right, Lee?
But I want to stay on schedule.
Lee!
Okay, fine.
It just filled me up with joy.
My mom loves the jokes.
Yo, yo, my joke.
It made me very proud about my writing.
All restaurants sell double cheeseburgers, but what about a triple cheeseburger?
I definitely think I can be more creative now.
I'm the champion!
The Stoli Pirates.
Welcome back to the Story Pirates podcast, everybody.
Where we take stories written by kids.
And turn them into sketch comedy.
And songs.
Except when our schedule is interrupted by a stranger stuck in a tree, that we have to pull up a cliff with a rope.
I'm almost to the top.
One more.
Big pull, everyone.
One, two, three.
Whoa.
Thank you all so much for helping me.
My name's Virgil, Virgil Bixson.
Boy, you look pretty rough.
How long were you in that tree?
I'm not big on counting time.
Maybe an hour a day.
I don't know, three weeks.
Hard to say.
Okay.
Well, glad we could help.
Goodbye.
My ankle.
I think I sprained it when I tumbled over that cliff.
We should get you to a hospital.
Come with us.
We'll help you.
But so kind of you.
I must send you a thank you gift.
Remind me to get your electronic mail address later.
Maybe your pager number.
Whatever the kids are into these days.
A fax.
Love that.
Yes, sure.
Hey, in the meantime, would you like to hear a story?
So long as it's not the plot of that new movie, The Lion King.
I haven't seen it yet.
Is it good?
What's Siskel say?
It's definitely not that.
It's a story written by a kid.
Oh, then yes, please.
Great.
Here's the author to introduce it.
Hi, I'm Iris.
I'm 10 years old.
I live in Massachusetts.
And this is my story, Bob's Impossible Pants.
Perfect pants, shiny disco pants with purple sequins.
He didn't stop to read the tag, which it turns out was really bad.
The shop owner gave advice, Bob should be heated.
He said, I wouldn't buy those pants if I were you.
They're impossible pants, he doesn't have a clue.
What those pants will do.
Impossible Pants.
Bob's Impossible Pants.
Pants, Bob's Impossible Pants.
Bob, he didn't listen to the warning.
He loved the way he looked and stepped outside feeling sharp.
All the people laughed at Bob's new disco pants.
He felt super sad and ran back home.
He tried to take those pants off but you know they would not budge.
Then suddenly a magic wizard appeared.
She said, I'm the wizard, the wizard of pants, and you've been cursed with impossible pants.
It was all sounding worse than he feared.
She said, You're gonna live forever, but please don't panic.
Impossible Pants.
Pants Pants, Impossible Pants.
Bob spent many decades trying to remove these pants and witnessed a lot of history.
He witnessed.
He met the Queen of England and Martin Luther King Jr and Amelia Earhart, all in the 20th century.
Bob found an impossible pants expert.
She used her magic powers to freeze.
The minute that the pants were taken off, a customer at the expert store found a diary Bob kept with details of historical events.
So historical.
Bob wrote in it throughout his days.
The scientist was so amazed they put it in a museum because that made sense.
Total sense.
Everybody in the world has heard of Bob.
Now you know about him too, so I...
And now, Leigh speaks with the author.
So Iris, you wrote Bob's Impossible Pants.
Yeah.
Can you tell me how you came up with the idea for that?
Well, it's a funny story, but basically I was getting ready for bed and I was trying to take my pants off and they were really tight.
And so I said, ah, these are impossible pants.
And my mom said, oh, you should probably write a story.
That's a good idea for a story.
And I was like, oh, yeah.
In your story, we don't know where the Impossible Pants came from, right?
No, I think probably the Impossible Pants wizard had something to do with it.
But I really don't know why she would create them.
Sounds like a prequel.
That would be funny.
Behind the scenes of the Impossible Pants.
And now let me ask you this.
Let's say that you came across the impossible pants.
You knew about the curse.
Would you put the pants on?
No, I definitely would not.
Even if it meant that you could live for as long as you wanted?
No, because then when you take them off, it's like, oh, no, well, I lived my life.
But then it's like, well, you lived your whole life.
And now once these pants are off, then it's over.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's just a lot to meet all these famous people while also trying to take your pants off.
And also these are sequins pants.
Like they're sparkly disco sequins pants.
So I feel like they'd be itchy.
So I wouldn't want to sleep in them.
Ugh, can you imagine?
Terrible.
Yeah.
So I sort of put my character in a bad situation.
I didn't make it easy for him.
Is that a strategy that you do a lot in stories where you make things kind of hard on your character?
I want to make a story where, yeah, they have to face some challenges.
Because in stories, there's always this huge disaster.
There's some kind of alien attacking.
And they're always like, oh, no, this is scary.
But I don't really feel like they actually describe the character as the character would feel in real life.
Like if I was, there was an alien attacking my city, I would scream at the top of my lungs and then probably faint.
I wouldn't be running away.
I feel like I want the character to be put through a situation where I can put myself through that situation and then like see how I feel that character would feel.
You sound like a really like mature, seasoned writer.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Iris, thank you so much for talking to me today.
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
Bye.
Bye.
Thank you.
Oh, I love that one.
Okay, that was good.
It was a wonderful story.
It's been a long time since I've heard one.
You couldn't have been in that tree that long.
Oh, no, I was only in that tree for an afternoon.
Maybe a month tops, but I've been away from my home for a lot longer than that.
You see, I'm on a journey to become the third person in history to circumnavigate the globe on foot.
Wow.
You're trying to cut the world in half with your feet?
No, I'm trying to walk around the entire planet.
I was almost done with my journey, too, when I foolishly stumbled off the cliff and into that tree.
Really fascinating stuff.
Hate to delay you any longer, so why don't you hop onto our land, ship over there and we can take you home and be on our way.
I'm sorry, but no can do.
Getting into a vehicle is against the rules.
I'd have to start again, and that would be a pity, considering the fact that my house is just down the road.
My wife is probably wondering what's taken me so long.
You haven't talked to your wife since you left?
Didn't you bring a phone?
Bring a phone?
Well, I've been away for a while, but I'm pretty sure they don't make phone cords that can stretch around the entire planet.
You're funny.
Darn ankle.
If only I had bought some of those new Reebok pumps.
Bet this would have never happened.
Pump it up.
Are those shoes new?
Well, like I said, I have been away for a bit.
Must have missed some things.
Virgil, do you know what year it is?
Well, yeah, never good at this, but let's see if I had to guess.
I've been walking around the world, I would say, for about five years.
Five years?
So that would make it... Hey, 1999.
Oh!
What?
Has it been longer than that?
It's not the year 2000, is it?
Hey, tell me how long I've been walking.
What is it?
Is it more than five?
Is it six?
Is it seven?
More like 30?
What?
He almost had me there.
Can you imagine?
If that were true, my wife would be so mad at me.
Not to mention the fact that I would have wasted most of my life just walking.
No, really.
What year is it?
It's 1999.
Yeah, you got it.
Lee, what are you doing?
I thought you were trying to get rid of him.
We can't tell him the truth.
It's too sad.
Once when I was little, I accidentally ate my lunchbox instead of my lunch.
Peter, what?
I thought we were telling secrets.
Uh, excuse me, why did you three suddenly turn away into a small huddle to whisper?
Uh, no reason.
Quick, he's getting suspicious.
Who's with me?
I'm not sure that I really remember what happened in 1999.
All I remember from that year is the Cuban Missile Crisis City Slickers 2.
It was the year I was born and disco was everywhere.
Peter, none of those things are true.
Then I might not be much help with this.
All those in favor of supporting this sad man's delusion by pretending that it's 1999, until we can get him back to his house, say aye.
Aye.
Great, let's do it.
Don't understand what's happening.
Hello?
Nothing.
Small whispering circles are just a cool new thing people do now here in the late 90s.
Right, Megan?
Uh, right.
It's the coolest.
Yeah.
Wow.
Who would have thought?
Not me.
I'm as surprised as you are.
Well, we better get walking if we're going to get you home before the new millennium.
Ha ha ha.
Well said.
Speaking of, I hope the country is prepared for the inevitable Y2K computer bug.
You heard about this one?
I wonder what other trends and news events I've missed.
Hey, while we walk, I'm going to ask you all a lot of questions.
Fun!
We'll be right back after a few words for the grown-ups.
Hey, grown-ups, Lee here.
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And I love the casting.
I just noticed that Matthew McFadden is playing Voldemort.
Sorry, I said his name.
I know.
But Matthew is one of my favorite actors.
He's just incredible in everything he does.
I just watched this amazing show with him.
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And there's so many other actors that I just personally love doing this.
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So you're telling me that now, in 1999, cars can drive themselves, Michael Jordan's been added to Mount Rushmore and tacos are legal currency?
Uh, did we say all those things?
Yes, I said most of them.
And we thank you for that, Peter.
The world has really changed.
Got a lot more questions.
So, uh... Maybe we should take a break from this very accurate history lesson.
Look, here we are in town.
Wow, good old Main Street.
But it is very different.
I will say that a lot has changed in the past five years.
Whoa, whoa, hey, wait.
The Blockbuster Video is gone.
That's where Blockbuster Video was.
What happened?
What, people don't watch movies anymore?
Well... Nope.
In 1997, people got really into crayons.
People just draw now.
Really?
In the radio shack, too?
Where are people buying their radios?
Yes.
You see, um... We all have a radio head.
A what?
It's a small antenna implanted in our skulls that plays a radio straight into our brains all day long.
Peter, what are you doing?
I don't know.
I can't stop.
Fascinating.
Oh, Uncle Dave's Really Bad Chicken Hut is gone, too.
Wow.
Can't believe it.
Wait, the selling point was that it was bad?
Yeah, really, really bad.
Kind of makes me want to try it.
That was part of the charm.
We didn't close.
We just moved next door.
Oh, thank goodness.
This town would not be the same without Bad Bad Dave's.
Thanks, stranger.
Welcome to town.
Have a great day.
Strange, but it can't be.
What is it, Virgil?
Well, that fella at Dave's was the spitting image of Dave himself, but he was way too old to be the actual Dave.
Oh, maybe it was his grandfather.
Hey, Virgil, unrelated question, but have you looked into a mirror at any point during your trip?
Uh, now that you mention it, I guess I really haven't.
Been sleeping outside, and I'm famously... afraid to look into very still lakes.
So, yeah, I guess I haven't seen my own self since 1994.
Hey, that would be fun.
Let's go find a mirror.
No!
What?
Why not?
Uh, because we are so close to your home.
Let's hand you off to your wife and run away.
I mean, be on our way.
Okay, then.
I'm so sorry to have kept you.
My house is right around the corner.
There it is.
It's all boarded up!
What happened?
It There's a note on the door.
Dear Virgil.
It's from my wife.
Oh, no.
She left me.
I just know it.
Why did you go on a long walk, Virgil, you selfish imbecile?
This is all your fault.
Well, you don't know that.
What does the rest of it say?
It says, in case you ever make it home, I'm leaving this place.
No, I'm sorry that I called your dream of walking around the world silly.
I'm also sorry that I told you that you'd never make it.
But most of all, I'm sorry I didn't go with you.
So I've decided to come after you.
I picked the opposite direction to hopefully get you on the other side of the globe, because I can't stand being away from you one more day.
See you soon, Virginia.
Wow.
She came after me.
She must have really missed me.
Virginia, I'm so sorry I left.
I'll come find you.
But which way?
Where are you?
Virginia!
I'm right here.
Virginia?
Yes, I just made it back from my own trip around the world.
Me too.
Which way did you go?
I went west.
I went north.
Ah, shoot.
I should have left a note.
We must have just missed each other.
Well, I certainly did miss you.
I missed you.
You look so old.
Yeah, I didn't want to say, but you too.
Guess a trip that long really does take its toll.
Honestly, I sort of lost track of time.
How long was I away?
Like two, three years?
Is it 1997?
Don't tell me it's 1998.
Actually, it is.
It's 1998.
1998.
We should ease her into the truth.
I don't want to shock her all at once.
Great idea.
I'm not sure this is a... It'll be fine.
Thank you for all your help, story pirates.
Virgil, why are you all in a circle whispering like that?
Oh, nothing, darling.
It's just a very popular thing to do here in the late 90s.
Hmm, weird.
It's very weird.
I still don't get it.
Don't worry.
Let's go inside and I'll catch you up on everything you missed.
So long as it's not the plot to The Lion King.
Don't worry.
I haven't seen it.
But we can draw it with grants.
Fun!
Hmm, so do we call this a happy ending?
I'm honestly not sure.
Lee, should we get a taxi back to the ship to make up lost time?
You know what?
Let's walk.
What's the rush?
Those two taught us anything.
It's... Don't waste your life away.
Sometimes things are worth waiting for.
Oh, maybe it's the thing Megan said.
I don't know.
Either way, should we do another story while we walk?
Yay!
Here's the author to introduce it.
Hi, I'm William.
I'm 11 years old and I live in Texas.
And this is my story, The Weird Inventor.
And that is my science fair presentation.
That's incredible.
Thanks.
All right.
Well, thank you so much, Jesse, for your wonderful presentation on black hole spaghettification.
Yum.
Now, let's keep the science fair rolling along with our next student to the stage.
It's, uh...
Rufus Poof and Floofer.
I'm here.
Hello, Rufus.
I'm sure we're all in store for another one of your wacky inventions.
Take it away.
Hello, entire school.
Have you ever had a dirty roof that you didn't want to clean?
Then you need this.
Rufus Poof and Floofer's loofa roofer.
Thank you, Rufus.
Oh, we've seen enough. that I haven't even explained about the Luthas.
Plus, I tampered with the sprinklers so they would go off for my demonstration.
No, we don't need... Wait, what was that last part?
Rufus, this time you've gone too far.
I hate to say it, but I can't imagine anybody buying any of your inventions.
They're just too weird.
Wow.
I hope you know that this is a core memory for me now, but it's not going to discourage me.
I'm going to double down on inventing and one day you're going to turn on your TV and see me, Rufus Coopenslooper.
Tonight on We'll Give You Money for Your Ideas so we can make more money for ourselves.
Entrepreneurs from across the country will have an opportunity to pitch their inventions to our esteemed panel of potential investors.
Let's meet them.
First, say hello to Victoria James.
I don't get out of bed for less than 10%, and I don't go to bed before 10pm.
Next, it's Maxime Desbois.
I have a nose for business and a weird obsession for obscure French history.
And finally, George.
In business, I'm like an apex predator.
I'm always thinking about my next meal.
Literally.
Is it almost lunchtime?
Not now, George.
Sorry.
If they like your idea, they might just buy a stake in your business.
How does that sound, studio audience?
First up, a product that gives a whole new meaning to the phrase fast food.
Hi, I'm Professor Poofing Luther.
Have you ever had a hamburger that you needed to get from point A to point B?
I understand what it's like to have your hamburger transportation frustratingly limited to how far you can throw it.
Like this.
Huh.
That's why I invented this.
Rufus Poof and Floofers Moo Moo Remover Burger Launcher.
You can say bun voyage to your quarter pounder.
Let's head to our investors for questions and comments.
I can't honestly say I've ever needed to throw a hamburger, but sandwiches?
Does it launch sandwiches?
How about patty melts?
Could we talk about making patty melts for lunch?
Not now, George!
Sorry.
To me, that burger launcher looks a lot like a trebuchet, a French siege weapon, popular from the 12th to 15th centuries, consisting of a wooden beam on a fulcrum with a weight on one end and a sling on the other.
Look, I place the burger here.
I pull this lever and... Ooh!
Eh, what a lovely day up here in space orbiting the Earth.
So peaceful.
Ah!
Houston, we have a problem.
A burger just hit the ship, and it didn't even have ketchup.
What's going on down there?
Sorry about the hamburger-shaped hole in the ceiling.
So, who's in?
We will unfortunately not be making an offer on your burger launcher.
It's just too weird.
Better luck next time, Professor Poof and Floofer.
Wait, I have other inventions.
Have you ever been driving a car and thought, gee, I wish this car could go even faster?
That's why I've invented Rufus Poof and Floofer's Vroom and Zoomer.
That isn't a new invention.
That's a compact car with rockets duct taped to the top of it.
Oui, oui.
You can't just slap a striped shirt on a clown and call him a mime.
What?
Can it launch patty melts?
Not everything launches patty melts, George.
Right.
But seriously, I smell patty melts.
When is launch?
Listen, Poof and Floofer, there are a lot of cars out there promising to be fast.
What makes this one different?
Well, you simply push this button and... That car is headed straight for the crowd!
Ramps!
Ramps for sale!
That vehicle just drove up the ramp!
And through the ceiling!
What was all that with the ramps?
Was that another person pitching their inventions?
Sorry, I'm just a humble traveling ramp salesperson who wandered into this television studio at an opportune moment.
My work here is done.
So, who's in?
Poof and floofa.
I'm afraid we're going to have to ask you to leave.
Not yet.
My next invention is this.
An invisible wall.
If I can just remember where I left it.
Oh.
Your invisible ball just smashed our set.
My next invention and you're going to love this one is a device that blows up the nearest loaf of bread.
But it's very practical.
See it?
Poof and Flooper, you just blew up everything in this studio.
That's not true.
The exit sign still works.
Aww.
We will not be investing in any of your inventions today.
You couldn't pay me to pay you for these ideas.
They're all too weird.
Come on, everybody.
Let's get this weird inventor out of here.
After him!
Run, poopity-peeper, to the exit door to the back lot.
Run!
I can't believe I got chased off the set of.
We'll give you money for your ideas so we can make more money for ourselves.
I want to bring joy and surprise to a world full of predictability.
And if that makes me weird, then so be it.
Wow.
Well said, Professor.
George, why were you in that dumpster?
I was looking for patty melts.
But I also heard everything you just said and I want you to know.
I think your inventions are genius.
You do?
Yes.
And I'd like to make you an offer.
I will buy... A steak in my business?
Even better.
A steak.
For lunch!
Oh.
I'll take what I can get.
Good.
The end!
And now, Lee speaks with the author.
William, you wrote the story The Weird Inventor, right?
Yes.
How did you come up with the idea for that?
I'm always interested in engineering, and I want to be an inventor when I grow up.
Can you explain for someone who doesn't know what an engineer is?
Well, there are lots of different kinds of engineers, but it's basically somebody who builds things or creates things.
Do you know what kind of engineer you want to be to sort of help you be an inventor?
I think I want to be a mechanical engineer because those work the most with like machinery and gears and all that stuff.
How did you get into engineering?
I just love kind of sketching out ideas, because I think most of the world's problems can be solved very simply.
What kind of problems are you thinking about when you say that?
The first thing that pops into my mind is like not clean water and a cheap filtration system.
It could probably be created easily, but the real challenge is creating one that's cheap enough for everybody to use.
Let's say that all of a sudden you were on a TV show and you had to pitch the weirdest invention possible right now, off the top of your head.
What invention would you pitch?
All restaurants sell double cheeseburgers, but what about a triple cheeseburger?
Now that is an invention that I think would be instantly popular.
Yes.
Okay, my made-up invention and I want you to give me some real feedback on this is a robot that goes into stores and buys socks for you, but it only can buy socks.
It's not programmed to do anything else, but it could like drive a car or take the subway to the sock store any sock store in the world to go and buy you socks, and then it brings the socks home to you.
That's the only thing it can do.
What do you think?
So I think this could be repurposed.
Like if somebody needs a ride to the store and that store just happens to sell socks, they could just hitch a ride with the robot.
So I'm going to put you on the spot here.
Will you invest in my sock delivering robot?
Maybe, but to make it final, I would probably have to talk to somebody else.
If you come on board right now and agree to invest before you talk to your team, I'll give you double the return that any other investor is going to get.
What do you think?
No, thanks.
I always like to talk with somebody first.
Shucks.
William, thank you so much for letting us perform your story.
Oh, thank you.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
And when we come back, it's time for Story Love, where Peter and I read even more stories written by kids.
We'll be right back after a few words from the grown-ups.
Welcome back to Story Pirates, Story Love, where we take some of the tens of thousands of stories that we get every year and we read them to each other and we talk about them and we discuss, we ask questions, we're inspired, we're moved.
We're a lot of different things.
Peter, welcome.
Lee, welcome to you.
Thank you.
Let's start with our first story.
Why don't you read it for us, Peter?
All right.
This story... comes to us from Saren from Canada.
And Saren's story is called The Problem.
Once upon a time, there was a girl.
One day the girl got really mad and then her problem showed up.
The problem crashed through the house and out into the town that the girl lived in.
It broke down every house that was in its way.
Then everybody had to get on one tiny boat and sail to an island.
The boat could only fit two people at a time and everyone needed to get to the island because their houses were smashed.
They tried to get four people into the boat, but the boat just sank.
By the way, the four people were named Tom, Herbert, Jerry, and Peter.
The problem just built a castle in the middle of the town and lived there all by itself.
The end.
P.S.
The girl who made the problem was a princess.
Incredible story, Saren.
So I guess this is my big question.
Is the problem a metaphor?
The problem is an abstract concept.
Yes.
Literalized.
Yes.
Once upon a time, there was a girl.
One day, the girl got really mad, and then her problem showed up.
She's taking these difficult feelings, and they're coming up in an unconstructive way.
Right.
Like, obviously, it's okay to be mad.
We all get angry.
We all get mad all the time.
But...
Sometimes, when you get mad, you cause problems for yourself.
Yeah.
The very best thing to do when you're mad is to go for a walk, to breathe, to look at some trees.
Yeah.
I like to look up.
Oh.
When you walk around in life, you're here, here.
But if you just take a second and look up like we live in a city, you realize like there's incredible things.
There's trees and buildings and details.
And just let that information into your brain.
And that's the quickest way for me to let the big feelings.
And then I can think about what happened and fix things.
Am I meditating right now?
I'm like, this is amazing.
Peter, you're like a guru.
Saren, incredible story.
Thank you so much for sending that in.
Here's our next one by Micah, a six-year-old in Virginia.
And this story is called, Why Do I Have a Rainbow Fist?
Well, I covered all the tacos with food coloring.
Then I ate the tacos.
At first my whole body was rainbow, but then the doctor tried to help me but the medicine didn't push it out.
But all to my fist.
Oh.
Or it could have happened like this.
I could have been doing a science experiment where I was trying to bring a rainbow unicorn to life, but it was a potion and turned me into a unicorn.
But I could have made it accidentally a rainbow potion.
And when I drank it, it turned my whole body rainbow, which led the doctor, who was only able...
To push the rainbow to my fist.
The end.
Okay.
Oh, no.
Not the end.
There is a visual here.
There's a sentence you missed.
A sentence?
Yes.
He was only able to push the rainbow to my fist.
The rainbow fist makes me stronger.
I didn't copy and paste that into my doc.
I missed it.
Oh, it's a whole new twist.
Wow.
Interesting.
It does make me wonder how this happened.
Much in the same way, the story itself seems to be wondering.
Yeah, well, so do you think that the narrator of this story is just making up reasons?
Are either of these true or are they saying that even they don't know?
It could be either, but what I thought of first was very much a child with this rainbow fist and a parent going Micah, what is on your hand?
And he goes, oh, this is my rainbow fist.
What is that?
And then this is sort of the fun lie that you'd make up because there's different options.
Interesting.
I think of it in a similar way.
It feels like these stories are sort of like deflection from the truth.
Yes.
Right?
But I imagine that the owner of this rainbow fist is a kind of superhero and is like at a press conference, right.
He's like...
Questions, questions, like, how'd you get that rainbow fist?
Tell us.
Is it true that reports have said that you are doing a science experiment?
Well, I covered all the tacos with food coloring, so that's my reason.
Like, I don't think he is lying just to be duplicitous.
I think there's two layers to this.
One.
It seems to me that Micah, the author, made this rainbow fist and was inspired by it to write this story.
And so it was Micah going, I wonder how this could be a thing.
Right.
But in the story itself, you then get to imagine, well, what is the real story?
It clearly works.
Yeah.
Incredible job, Micah.
All right, Peter, would you read us the final story?
Yes, Lee, our final story comes to us from a seven-year-old from Illinois named Miranda.
And Miranda's story is called How Bunnies Stay Cute.
I've been wondering.
Everyone thinks that bunnies are just cute and fluffy.
But have you wondered how bunnies stay cute and fluffy?
It is very simple.
Just 1,200 steps for their noses and more for their bodies.
All the products cost $1 million.
They ask their butlers. who are hamsters, naturally, to give them the products.
But the butlers need their butlers.
Who need their butlers?
Who need their butlers?
Who need their butlers?
Who need their butlers?
Who need their butlers?
Who need their butlers?
To buy beauty products.
So the eighth butlers rob a bank.
Since the eighth butlers are fleas, They make the cats and dogs who work at the bank itch.
Then they rob the bank and give the stolen money to their butlers.
Who give the money to their butlers.
Who give the money to their butlers.
Who give the money to their butlers.
Who give the money to their butlers.
Who give the money to their butlers.
Then the bunnies take the money and buy beauty products.
The end.
Wow.
I almost hit you because I thought you were skipping.
No, I'm honoring the text.
Incredible.
Incredible.
Why do we need so many butlers?
Why do we need any butlers?
Would you be able to use that many butlers in your life?
Well, if I got a butler and I overworked them and they had too much to do, they might need help.
And so they might choose to use their salary, which I assume is very generous, and to hire their own butler.
But they wouldn't complain.
Butlers never do.
Oh, not if they're a good butler.
That's right.
What I loved and I hoped was true, and then the text confirmed this, which is that the bunnies are the bosses and their butlers are hamsters.
And the hamsters have butlers, and I was like, oh, is it a smaller thing?
They get smaller every time.
And then the flea at the end, yes.
Yes.
I love the message of Miranda's story that you shouldn't just assume that things come easily to people or bunnies, you know.
Like we look at a bunny and we say that little bunny nose is the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life.
But that bunny has to work so hard to stay that cute.
And, you know, I think...
A similar thing about the way I look.
You know, I work incredibly hard.
I spend millions of dollars on my looks.
I mean, you guys should see Lee before he puts in $10 million.
Yeah.
Woo!
Yeah.
You do not want to see me before I put my face on.
That's like i'm the opposite of you.
As you know, every morning i have to spend thousands of dollars to make worse, to look worse.
I shave my head yeah yeah, you know that like uh i, i look in the mirror and i say don't, don't be cool, don't make sense.
You guys should see Peter before he makes himself look bad every morning.
I was just too beautiful and nobody would really take me seriously.
They just say yes to everything.
You do want to see him before he puts his face on.
Miranda, incredible story.
Thank you for sending it in.
Thank you to everyone who sent us in stories.
To read all of today's Story Love stories, go to storypirates.com.
And guess what, grown-ups?
You can find an even longer version of today's Story Love on YouTube.
And grown-ups, Story Love isn't just the name of a segment on our show.
It's also the name of our incredible corporate volunteer program.
To find out more about Story Love, our digital creative writing program, Story Quest, or our non-profit arm Story Pirates Changemakers.
Check out the show notes for links.
That's it for today's episode.
Thanks to today's authors, Iris and William.
And a huge thanks to all of you for joining us for season eight.
And guess what?
You can still send us all your stories and we respond to every single story we receive.
Grownups, your link to submit stories is in the show notes for today's episode.
We'll be back next week with another new one.
Until then, stay creative and stay kind.
Bye!
The Story Pirates Podcast is a production of Story Pirates Studios.
Executive produced by Lee Overtree and Benjamin Salka.
This episode was produced by Sam Baer, Peter McNerney, Andrew Miller and Lee Overtree.
Recording, sound design and mixing by Sam Baer at the Relic Room in New York City.
Additional production by Brett Toobin.
Theme song by Bobby Lord.
Musical scoring by Eric Gerson and Jack Mitchell.
Our head writer is Peter McNerney.
Staff writers are Megan O'Neill and Alexis Simpson.
Contributing writers are Lee Overtree and Lee Polis.
Episode artwork by Camilla Franklin.
Special guest, Matt Oberg.
This episode features performances by Liz Bangs, Andrew Barbato, Colin Batten, Langston Darby, Tara Halpern, Cassidy Leighton, Vanessa Magula, Peter McNerney, Jack Mitchell, Joshua Nasser, Megan O'Neill, Lee Overtree, Julia Schroeder, and Kristen Stutter.
Bob's Impossible Pants was written by Melissa Gordon and produced by Eric Gerson, with vocal arrangements and direction by Jack Mitchell.
These pants are impossible to get on.
Just gotta squeeze into them.
There, got them on.
Now to walk.
These are very comfortable.
I swear.
