You're listening to NPR's Science Friday.
Joining us today by phone from his office in Pasadena, California, is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
Uh-oh, this is going to be a riot.
Thanks for being with us today, Dr. Cooper.
My pleasure, Ira.
Now, let's talk about magnetic monopoles.
Can you explain to our audience just what a monopole is?
Of course.
First consider an ordinary magnet which has, as even the most uneducated in your audience must know, two poles.
A north and south pole.
If you cut that in half, you have two smaller magnets, each with its own north and south pole.
Uh, Dr. Cooper, I think there might be something wrong with our connection.
No, I hear you fine.
As I was saying, an ordinary magnet has two poles.
The primary characteristic of a monopole is that it has only one pole, hence monopole.
A requirement for string theory, or M-theory, if you will, is the existence of a monopole.
They combine these chemicals with ordinary dish soap, creating a little exothermic release of oxygen.
Foamy vengeance.
Yes, exactly.
This is brilliant, Sheldon.
How are we going to deploy it in Kripke's office?
Already taken care of.
Observe.
This is a live shot of Kripke's lab via a mini webcam I was able to install thanks to a dollar bill discreetly placed in the night janitor's shirt pocket.
At the same time, I also secured large quantities of these chemicals above the tiles in the drop ceiling.
Sheldon, you remind me of a young Lex Luthor.
You flatter me, sir.
Let me guess, motion sensors?
Yes.
The reaction will be triggered when Kripke reaches the center of the room.
Mwahaha.
I gotta say, I am really impressed.
This is truly the Sheldon Cooper way to get even.
It may be low-tech, but I still maintain the whoopee cushion has comic validity.
Here comes Kripke.
Who is that with him?
I believe that's the president of the university.
And the board of directors.
Abort!
Abort!
There is no abort.
Well, how could you not put in an abort?
I made a boo-boo, all right?
I think the board will really appreciate how well we're using that NSA grant, President Siever.
Right here we have a micro-controlled plasma... Wow.
Looks like the Ganges on Laundry Day.
At least they don't know it was you.
This classic prank comes to you from the malevolent mind of Sheldon Cooper.
If you'd like to see the look on your stupid face, this video is being instantly uploaded to YouTube.
Oh, and a hat tip to Leonard Hofstadter and Raj Koothrappali for their support and encouragement in this enterprise.
Well, I'm going back to India.
What's your plan?
You said I could buy a desk.
This isn't a desk.
This is a... Brobdingnagian monstrosity.
Is that the American idiom for giant, big-ass desk?
It's actually British.
Can you say it again for me?
Brobdingnagian.
One more time?
Brobdingnagian.
Now three times fast?
Brobdingnagian, brobding...
How did you even get it in here?
That's for me, Ramon, Julio, Jesus, and Rodrigo to know, and you to find out.
All right, you've made your point.
A fine prank, very amusing.
Now get it out.
No.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
I have three brothers and two sisters, Sheldon.
I can do this all day.
All right.
If you're not going to remove it, I'll remove it for you.
Knock yourself out.
Help me move my desk.
No.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
No.
It's too broad.
Thank you.
What is that smell?
Oh.
Yes.
What are you doing in there?
I'm making hydrogen sulfide and ammonia gas.
Just a little experiment in pest control.
It's not gonna work, dude.
I grew up in India, an entire subcontinent where cows walk in the street and nobody has ever had a solid bowel movement.
Well, we'll just see how long you can hold out.
Well, we'll just see how your noxious gas fares against my cinnamon apple scented aromatherapy candles.
Didn't you say you're making hydrogen sulfide gas?
Yes.
Isn't that flammable?
Highly.
Oh, dear.
This is not over.
Be sure to check the mail.
How many times are you gonna tell me?
What's with you?
Nothing.
It's not suspicious that I'm fixating.
It's consistent with my personality.
Right.
Hey, guys.
More Halloween candy?
Didn't you just buy a bunch of it yesterday?
Oh, yeah, that's gone.
It's a rough month when Halloween and PMS sit at the same time.
Leonard doesn't have time to chat.
He has to get the mail.
Will you relax?
I'll get it in a minute.
Hey, how was work?
Open the mail.
Excuse me.
A couple of circulars, nothing important.
What's with him?
Hang on.
You might be from Texas, but I'm from New Jersey.
What's up?
It just occurred to me that I never formally congratulated you on your pending nuptials, so I hopped on the first bus and high-tailed it down here to shake your hand.
Put her there, you old so-and-so.
Well, I'm gonna see you at work in 12 hours.
Don't you think it could have waited until then?
Holy smoke, why didn't I think of that?
You're a better man than I, Howard Wolowitz.
You put her there, you son of a gun.
Whatever.
It's... Oh, my God, Howie!
What did you do?
It was a harmless Halloween prank, look.
Howard has a heart condition, you know that?
I thought he made that up.
Isn't hypochondria a common idiosyncrasy of Jewish people?
This is adrenaline.
We're gonna have to inject it into his heart.
We are?
You are.
I'm not strong enough to get it through his chest plate and we've only got one shot.
Oh, no, I can't.
Hurry, we're running out of time.
Okay.
Just do it.
Oh, God.
One, two, three.
Trick or treat, Bubbler.
What?
No, you mean this was all a ruse?
How could I be so stupid?
Bazinga punk.
Now we're even bother.
Isn't that just always the way you go to staple something and you're out of staples?
Gosh, i wish i'd known that earlier today when i was at staples.
You ever think of paper clips right there?
Well no no, I need something more permanent to join these papers.
Say, don't you keep staples in your top desk drawer?
I don't know, maybe.
Be a lamb and check.
All right.
Who do we have here?
It's a snake.
A terrifying snake.
Did some bad man put us in a draw?
Stop talking like that.
You've been rendered speechless by fear.
Let's go to the biology lab and find you some nice, yummy mice.
I tried to scare an Indian with a snake.
Come on, Cooper, you're better than this.
Sheldon.
It took me all morning, but I found the owner of the video store and I am happy to report that he died peacefully in his sleep, drunk at the bottom of a pool.
Anyway, there is no one to return the DVD to, so this issue is resolved.
And I'd just like to point out that, even though the sweater was uncomfortable, I didn't use it as an excuse to antagonize everyone around me.
You know, you could reimburse the video store owner's next of kin.
Or it's resolved.
Hey, that next of kin thing sounds pretty good.
This is yours.
Okay, Sheldon, I am out of options.
Video store owner Nurses Manukian has no next of kin.
Well, you seem hot under the collar.
Or is that the sweater?
Oh no no no, it's because I spent all afternoon at the Armenian church where his funeral mass was held.
According to Father Solakian, no one attended.
Luckily, my trip wasn't a complete waste.
I lit a candle and prayed for your death, but I'm not Armenian, so it probably won't work.
This is over, right?
Not necessarily.
I suggest you look for long lost relatives, either in Armenia or Lebanon.
Listen to me, Sheldon.
I am not going to Lebanon to return Super Mario Brothers the movie!
You know, it might be fun.
You love hummus.
Why isn't this bothering you?
Isn't your brain getting itchy?
This is on your card.
This could be ruining your credit score.
Why isn't this making you crazy?
Women.
I have something to tell you.
But I want you to promise not to flip out.
To what?
Seven years ago, I found out the DVD was late and I paid for it.
What?
I was going to mention it at the time, but then I thought someday this might be a teachable moment.
What?
Hey, Sheldon.
Hello.
Oh, my God, you look amazing.
I find you guilty of murder because you are killing it.
Well technically, the Supreme Court wouldn't determine a defendant's guilt or innocence in a criminal matter.
They could only reverse or revamp a jury's conviction based on a constitutional or statutory issue.
Why are you laughing?
His statement was factually correct.
You're sitting in my spot.
You don't have a spot.
What is wrong with you today?
Maybe he's cranky because he's off his bathroom schedule.
Well, I can understand why that would make someone irritable.
Interesting fact.
Irritable comes from the Latin susceptible to anger.
Just because I used a word doesn't mean I want its etymology.
Interesting fact, etymology comes from the Greek.
You are being so annoying.
Stop it.
And why are you two laughing?
Sheldon, he's being you.
He's dressed as you for Halloween.
Oh.
Well, see, you're not laughing at him.
You're laughing at me.
We're not laughing at you.
We're laughing with you.
But I'm not laughing.
Then the first one.
Cold tattoo sleeves, look.
Yeah, I bought them online.
Raj got a set too.
Fantastic, right?
Put them on, have hot sex with some freaky girl with her business peers, take them off and I can still be buried in a Jewish cemetery.
You know, I've always wanted to go to a goth nightclub.
Really?
Bazinga.
None of you ever see my practical jokes coming, do you?
Well, this is so exciting.
Hey, when we sell the Bitcoin, are you going to pay your dad back all the money you took from him over the years?
I never even crossed my mind.
Okay, here's the Bitcoin folder.
Yeah, how much is in there?
It's empty.
What?
That's impossible.
Do you think Zach stole it?
He doesn't know how to steal Bitcoin.
He waves at trucks.
Hmm.
Who could it have been?
Sheldon, what did you do?
I plotted my revenge.
If you get a dish, I'll serve you some cold.
You stole our Bitcoin.
Oh, calm down.
All I did was sneak onto your computer and download your Bitcoin onto a flash drive.
What?
I'm not keeping it.
I just wanted to watch you sweat.
If you want to watch him sweat, walk up a flight of stairs with him.
I've waited seven long years, but it finally happened.
Where's our money?
That's the best part.
It's on the Batman flash drive on your keychain.
You've had it in your pocket all along.
Sheldon, I lost that keychain years ago.
Really?
Did you look under things?
Well, that is unfortunate.
I guess we have all learned a lesson today.
What was the lesson?
I don't know.
Thank you.
