My son loves chicken nuggets.
Oh, really?
Yeah, it's quite a kid's meal.
Yeah, he's 19.
Well, I'm 31.
There you go.
Mmm.
I haven't dated in so long.
It's been a long time, because I've been married a long time.
Wish I could say the same.
It's got to be painful, right?
What, dating?
Yeah.
I mean, when it doesn't go well.
It's a commitment.
I mean, for sure.
But the more that you date, the less painful it gets, because you build resilience.
Again, like, I'd never used a dating app because they came about.
We get it.
You're taken.
I get it.
No, I'm old.
Well done.
Congratulations.
How are you doing?
Well, this is how I'm doing.
Okay?
Is this your way to try to meet people?
Absolutely.
I'm told that these go viral a lot.
You've not seen any?
I'm just told that.
I don't, you know, I, no.
Well, I saw you at the Oscars.
You did, you did, you did.
Don't worry, I've not seen Severance.
Okay, that's cool.
You saw it, you just don't remember.
I mean, if you were directing Chicken Shop Day, what would you be doing?
I would probably shoot what we're shooting, then go back and edit it and then think of some ideas.
Then we go back and reshoot some more.
Really?
So you're a fan of a reshoot?
I do like a reshoot.
And then becoming an actor has informed your directing, would you say, as well?
Yeah, for sure, because actors are very vulnerable.
How do you become someone else?
It's kind of crazy.
Right, and believe that for yourself so the audience can believe it.
That's why I would never date them.
Oh my God, stay away from actors.
Actors are crazy.
What about basketball players?
I've never dated a basketball player.
Okay.
They're so focused on what they're doing, but they're also very young.
And it's hard for them because they're always having to duck through doors.
Yes.
It's not, again, something I can't identify with, but... Wow.
So I was just a bit bored.
I was just...
Just thought I could do something.
That was good sleight of hand.
I'm moonlighting as a magician.
Now you're stuck.
Now I'm stuck.
Put your fingers closer together and relax.
I can't relax.
Just imagine your fingers being thinner.
I mean, it's a brilliant sort of thing, isn't it?
Finger traps.
Oh my God, Jesus.
All right.
Okay, you're all right.
That was stressful.
It's almost like a date is like a metaphor for a finger trap.
In terms of the Severance fandom, which side of the fandom do you love more?
The ones that are really going insane with the theories, or the ones that are barely gathering the basic plot points.
I think I enjoy how deeply people get into the, you know, into the theorizing of what means what and how, every little thing.
I mean it's pretty, it's pretty crazy.
And I also like the people who will then say like I have no idea what the hell is going on and what are the goats and you know.
Just have an actual thing happen in the show, please.
It was a very diplomatic answer of you.
You basically love, you love everyone.
I am trying to make everybody love me.
Oh, okay.
That's the end of the game, really, right?
Showbiz.
Everybody love me, please.
Well, I mean, it all comes from, you know, when you're a child, right?
Oh, I've just started therapy.
I know all about this.
Do you think we should bring back capital punishment?
Oh, my God.
Wow.
Wow.
We played a few times.
That's really.
The band.
Yeah.
Have you listened to the music?
Absolutely not.
I care about my eardrums.
We were teenagers.
It was kind of like an avant pop, avant post-punk, avant-garde type.
I don't know what it was.
We were just experimenting.
Do you ever miss not being in a band?
To play in front of people, like, you know, in a stadium or something like that would be incredible.
I think it's kind of cool to be a movie star.
Yeah.
What does it feel like to be in basically every movie ever?
I haven't been in movies for a while.
Well, you've been in most movies.
Most movies you're in.
I think most movies from like 20 years ago.
I have so many questions about being a comedy icon and creating so many comedy moments.
Should I send them to you to forward to Owen Wilson?
Yeah, you should probably do that.
Just give me your email address.
And then forward them to Will Ferrell.
What project do you get recognized for the most?
I'd say it's like between Zoolander and Dodgeball and Night at the Museum.
And then I get a lot of the I grew up my entire life watching stuff.
God, give it a rest.
I love that.
I can't take it anymore.
I get it.
You love me.
Do you remember the five D's of Dodgeball?
Dodge, duck, dip, dive, dodge, right?
Yeah.
Thank you.
I was going to get a dodge ball and throw it at your head.
Yes.
I didn't want to hurt you.
That's okay.
I could take it.
Really?
You can throw a piece of chicken at my head.
Is that what you're into?
No.
You're into that?
You're into that?
I'm not into people throwing chicken at my head.
Okay.
Well, I just sounded like you're into it.
I was trying to be accommodating.
I did actually throw chicken at Shania Twain.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah.
She wanted to catch it in her mouth.
I don't think she did.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Is that what she's into?
That was her idea.
Yeah, she's into it.
Really.
She's really into it, that woman.
Have you ever been to Madagascar?
I have not.
Have you ever been trapped anywhere?
Like in real life?
Yeah.
Like kidnapped or something?
Yeah, have you ever been kidnapped?
No, have you ever been stuck somewhere and you had to escape?
I'm trying to think of a question related to Madagascar that's not as on the nose, you know?
I'm really trying to understand what the connection between trapped and Madagascar is.
Well, because they were trapped in the zoo.
Oh, I mean, they're like the animals in a zoo are trapped.
Well, they were trapped and they escaped in the film.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, I haven't seen it for a while.
That's like the main thing that happens in the film.
I know, but I was trying to understand the Madagascar part of it, because they come from Madagascar and they're captured.
So when was the last time you were trapped?
I thought you were going to say when was the last time I saw Madagascar.
Well, clearly, I don't think you've ever seen it.
Well, you know, you do the voices and it's like over a long period of time.
Yeah, I know how animation works.
I'm not an idiot.
Okay?
Um, yeah.
What was the question?
Have you ever been trapped?
It'd be nice to be friends.
Are you friend-zoning me?
We have to look at the reality of where it would go.
I don't want to be with you.
Okay.
I didn't want to be with you either.
I just came because I wanted to talk about my show.
Well, I don't want to talk about your show.
In the beginning, we were saying that you did.
Oh.
I know you're going to be really upset about the friend-zoning, so I'd just like to give you this as an apology.
Wow.
Pineapple gift basket.
Does that make you feel better about the fact that we're just friends?
I actually love pineapple.
Great.
Thank you.
That's it?
Yeah, that's it.
It's a wrap.
Cool.
I feel good about it, though.
I feel great about it.
And especially as the reshoot's happening, I feel it's going to be even more nothing to worry about.
Yes, we can find it in the edit.
Oh, it's always in the edit.
I like that it has the little Lumen logo.
Yeah, and also my business card in case you want to do any business with me.
Sure.
What kind of business are you interested in getting into?
Just mysterious and important kinds of things.
