I hate being a bridesmaid.
Spending lots of money when you're not as close to them as they think you are.
Bridesilla is real.
A few of the times that I was going to be a bridesmaid, COVID happened.
There were at least four bride tribe.
What do you guys hate most about being a bridesmaid?
Hello and welcome back to Hot Pursuit, a podcast about creating conversations where nothing is off limits.
Welcome to season two.
This podcast was produced by Asian Boss Girl.
I'm Em and I don't think you deserve a wedding gift if I'm going to be your bridesmaid.
I'm Jen, and I don't understand welcome parties.
I'm Madeline, and please get hotter groomsmen.
For real, you want hotter friends?
All the groomsmen are always- It's always a letdown.
It's always a letdown.
Sorry, we're vain.
Crazy, you guys.
Here we are, episode one, season two.
Season two!
Wow.
Yeah.
I don't know how we're here.
I don't feel alive, but somehow we made it.
We did.
Oh, also I got a tattoo.
Yes, show it.
Right here.
My sister did it.
Cute.
It's two fishies.
That's me and her.
And we just revolve around each other.
Aw.
For our entire lives.
Perpetually forever.
Yes.
In a loop.
Yes.
So you guys might be wondering, why are we wearing such interesting apparel today?
For our listeners, we're all wearing decadent bridesmaids dresses.
And some slippers because we all just came from a wedding.
We all just came from our own individual weddings in which we were bridesmaids.
I don't know about you, but I wear this on the daily.
Do you not wear this to the office?
It's just so much cloth.
I literally could – I'm like Mother Goose, you know, where like 24 children are running out from underneath the dress.
So today we're talking about the woes of being a bridesmaid because –
You know, it's not all rainbows and frills.
It can be a bit of a burden sometimes, and so we have crowdsourced some stories and we would like to share them.
From who? from our Instagram followers.
So thank you for everyone that has participated.
Are you guys ready?
Yes.
I'm ready to hear some stories.
Also, being a bridesmaid is like barely rainbows and or butterflies.
I hate being a bridesmaid.
I'm tired.
Honestly, when i brought this dress, i was tired.
Just looking at the dress, i know it comes with so much like expectation and like for years of friendship.
Carrying it in here, i was like i'm tired yeah, yeah.
The question that we put on instagram was please share your woes of being A bridesmaid.
One person says my bridesmaid dress was taken in without my consent and I was blamed because it didn't fit.
Who took it in?
The bride probably?
Wait, is there any more context for that?
Like someone took the dress and then they were just like maybe, maybe do you want to be skinnier by the time the wedding is here.
Then you're just sausageing around.
Oh, taken.
I thought taken in, like taken into the tailor shop, but like taken in as made smaller.
Made smaller.
Yeah.
That's so much worse.
And I was blamed because it didn't fit.
Okay, who blamed you?
Probably the bride.
Who took it in?
Probably the bride.
Probably the bride.
Why did you let her have permission to even have your dress?
It was without her consent.
That's pretty bad.
I need more to this story.
Yeah, tell us more.
We're very curious.
You know who you are.
That's insane.
Okay, another one.
Spending lots of money when you're not as close to them as they think you are.
Yes.
Yes.
As they think you are is crazy.
That was the biggest shock when I became a bridesmaid.
It was like, I have to pay for everything and you?
Are you kidding me?
They don't tell you this.
They don't tell you this before you grow up.
They just ask, will you be a bridesmaid?
And it looks so cute when you see them online, like little boxes.
But little do you know, it comes with an obligation to pay for their plane ticket to their trip.
They're fattening you up.
Of their choosing, yeah.
Okay, we'll share one more.
Okay.
Oh, man.
Brides who think your life revolves around them.
It's so true.
Bridezilla is real.
Wait, you had a thought about this the other day.
Basically, I think everybody loves the spotlight.
You know, and the wedding day is the spotlight actually, the bachelorette actually, it's not just one day.
It's like the whole weekend the brunch after the welcome party, the bachelorette, the bridal shower.
It's like the chance to have all of the affection and love and attention and adoration.
And like the stardom.
The stardom.
Everybody wants to be a star.
Yeah.
And their wedding day is their chance for it to just be oogled at.
Mm-hmm.
Ood and odd.
Yeah.
Actually, I think that's the primary obligation of being a bridesmaid is like, oogle, oogle.
Lots of oogling.
Oh my gosh, that's her dress.
By the way, if we've ever been a bridesmaid for you, we're not talking about you, okay?
Everything is hypothetical.
We're not talking about you.
So do not text us and do not be like, I hope it wasn't about me.
Of course it's not about you.
It's everyone else but you.
Yes, it's everyone else.
It's everyone but an else's wedding because you were the best bride.
Anyway, now that we got that out of the way.
I've been a bridesmaid so many times.
How many times have you been a bridesmaid?
I don't know.
A few of the times that I was going to be a bridesmaid, COVID happened.
Oh, thank God.
There were at least like four from that one year.
COVID saved your life.
It saved my bank account.
No, really.
No, like I like logged and like each wedding if you have a bachelorette was like easily at a minimum 2000.
Yeah.
Minimum.
Mm-hmm.
So do the bride and groom deserve a gift?
I don't think they do.
No, you want me to pay 2K to like celebrate you separately from everyone else, and then you want another like 200.
Absolutely not.
Do you get a gift?
No.
Well, yes.
Well, it depends on how close I am.
Yeah.
If I'm like super close with them, then I'll get them like a really nice gift.
And then, when I was younger, I thought being a bridesmaid was fun.
Yeah, it's like another dream that has sold you.
I thought it was an honor and now i'm just like please do not ask me, don't even ask me to come to your wedding.
I don't even want to come to your wedding.
It's like a feeling of belonging, being chosen.
The inner circle yeah, the inner circle that, i think, makes it seem a great honor.
Which it is, which it is.
Yeah.
It's totally a great honor.
This is not about you.
The thing is, it really is coupled with so much love for them and you're like wow, I'm so honored that you asked me and of course, I want to be there.
And also there are brides who know it's a huge burden, and so they go out of their way to take care of their bridesmaids, which is really nice.
If you're gonna be a bride, take care of your bridesmaids because they notice.
Yes, they're giving you $2,000.
A lot of it is like so unspoken too.
It's like this feeling of entitlement versus this feeling of gratitude.
And you can clock the difference.
I find that like we can usually clock the difference in intention or expectation.
And sometimes brides will try and do the fake like oh, my God.
But you can tell they either really mean it or they're like oh, but this is also my moment to shine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think the best brides that I've encountered have been like, okay, this is what I want.
It's a lot.
You don't have to go.
And I know you don't love me any less if you don't go.
I like that when they give a disclaimer.
Cause.
Then they're like yeah, this is a huge financial commitment, but like, if you want to, you can.
If you don't, then whatever.
Please just show up to the wedding.
That's great.
That's great.
It's when they like lock you in and they're like let's have this outfit on Tuesday, and this outfit on Wednesday and a black swimsuit on Thursday, and la la la.
I'm not talking about you.
Okay.
Bride tribe.
Hashtag bride tribe.
I hate that so much.
I hate it.
I hate bride tribe so much.
Okay.
Why do I have to look the same?
Because they want to be Gru and they want their minions.
If I get one more plastic cup with my initials on it.
Oh my gosh.
If I get one more koozie.
If I get one more tote bag.
How many satin kimonos can I have?
It really feels like bachelorette trips are like brand trips.
They are.
Like low budget brand trips.
Yeah, lay it out.
Yeah.
Satin kimonos is so funny.
I have so many of them.
And, like, I don't want to throw them away.
Tote bags.
Tote bags.
Actually, I do love those.
Those are really useful.
I like a tote bag.
I like a tote bag.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The slippers.
I've supplied all the slippers.
These are all bridesmaid, like, slippers.
Which is a great gift.
I do love.
Actually, this is great.
I do love a fluffy slipper.
Functional.
Yeah.
Functional.
Functional.
I don't need my name on it either.
Please stop putting our names on things.
I don't want to walk around with a jacket that says Emily.
Emily!
Jen!
It's cute though.
I mean, we're not talking about you.
I'm going to say that throughout this entire episode.
You know who you are and I love you.
We all love you.
So we've all been bridesmaids.
We've all had multiple experiences being bridesmaids.
What do you guys hate most about being a bridesmaid?
Waking up at the crack ass of dawn to get my hair and makeup done.
The sun hasn't even risen yet.
No, I'm bleary-eyed.
And the thing is, the makeup always looks trash.
You never look good.
No, the makeup artists, you guys get.
You guys get.
Yeah.
I know it's a time crunch, but like, damn.
And then if you're a good bride, you pay for your party to get it done.
But then sometimes brides don't be paying and it's like, you want me to pay $300 to look like ass?
Come on!
Like, I know I'm not the center of attention.
I don't want to be, but I just want to look like I want to feel a little pretty, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I feel like the best looks I've ever had was when I was just like, no, I do it myself.
Like, I know my face myself.
I don't need you to do it.
Stop touching me.
Like, you make me look like a weird squirrel.
I feel like the fake lashes always look so bad.
They do.
Why do they always look so bad?
Because they look like this.
Yeah.
The falsies.
You want like a nice doe eye, but they always just look straight up like this.
And then you look like, what's that horror movie?
I always say yes to it, too, because I'm like, I know they want it to look done up.
Yeah.
And if I do it myself, I don't really look done up.
Yeah, I don't know how to do makeup.
I don't know how to do done up.
I don't know how to do makeup in general.
I mean, you look great right now.
You do.
But it's like the bridal makeup look is different.
You know what I mean?
Do we like that, though?
No.
It's so ugly.
I hate bridal.
It's like blush.
And I know it looks good for pictures, but like when you're walking down the aisle- It doesn't, I don't be looking good in pictures.
I look like, I look like a meme in the photos.
Like your, your skin looks 50 all of a sudden.
And I'm like 22.
Like, you know, like how is that happening?
Why have I aged 20 years with makeup?
I don't understand.
I don't know.
Usually your skin is glowing, but some of your bridesmaid photos...
Cakey, it's cakey, because once again, it's like bridled on up, you know?
She said, you look dry.
Yeah, you do be looking dry.
You have the best skin of anybody I know, but how come the bridal makeup?
How did they manage to mess your skin up?
I don't know.
The number of times Jen has seen bridal photos of me and she's just like, oh, Mads.
Oh no, that's like the last thing you wanna hear, especially after anyone spends $300.
Okay, what else do we hate?
I hate the dresses because I'm really short and every single fucking thing I buy has to be altered.
And altering a dress is literally minimum $50 for a bad job.
So then I have to end up going to a better tailor, because it's gonna be photographed.
It's gotta look good.
Minimum, anywhere between 70 and $90.
She clearly has thoughts about this.
Thoughts and feelings.
And the dress, if you get birdie gray, it's still $100.
And they're not even cute.
It's not even cute.
Where's yours from?
This one's from Azazi.
This is from you.
Yes.
I got this for a wedding and then she needed the same color and I was like, just have it.
And then she altered it.
Thank God, because you're $70 altering it.
Yeah, I know.
So it's basically like you bought another dress that you will never wear again.
Exactly.
And you got to get shoes.
You got to get accessories, baubles.
I don't know.
What's a bobble?
Like the done up earrings.
It's like the done up, the nice earrings.
Oh, that's what it's called?
I don't know.
Your bobbles are cute.
Thanks.
I actually think so.
I like them.
I never knew that's what it was called.
That's why that brand is called Bobble Bar, right?
Yeah.
Oh, I never knew what that was.
Sorry.
Yeah.
Where'd you get your dress?
JJ's house.
Oh.
Or one of those.
Okay.
Yeah.
What is it about bridesmaids dresses?
It looks like it's from like the 1980s.
Yes.
And that's like the best they get.
I don't know.
I look like a middle-aged woman in this.
Yeah.
The only reason why this dress looks a little better is because it's the Kendall Kylie collection.
They put a little more effort into it.
Jen pulled out her dress this morning and I was like, why do you have that?
I look like I'm from the 60s.
Like a housewife.
I mean, it's beautiful.
40.
I look 40.
I don't know if it's beautiful.
But the colors are never cute too.
This color is not.
Brides always choose like the worst colors.
I know.
They're like, I want a mauve.
And I'm like, no one ever wears mauve on a day to day.
I really appreciate when brides let you pick your own dress style.
And they just give you like a color palette generally, and then go buy whichever one you want.
That's fun.
You know who you are.
But we're not talking about you.
The other thing about bridesmaids dresses, who is the model for the boob part?
You know, it's always like, like cones, like literal cones.
No one's boobs like naturally fill that out.
We should see how much stuff I could fit in here.
Well, I could probably fit a whole Chex Mix bag in here.
Do it.
Should we try?
Yeah.
Okay.
It's just, it's just, even if you get it altered, you can't change the shape.
So it just looks weird.
Sponsored by Chex Mix.
I think I can do it.
Wow!
Oh my gosh.
Wow.
And even then, it's still like...
It's so firm, Jen.
There's still so much space.
Ow.
Wait, it does look kind of filled out.
Now it's filled out.
I've had to wear three bras before.
Buy new.
Now I have butt boobs.
You have three bras?
The thing about like boobs, butt, hips, whatever, like everyone has different.
So I'm like, I get that you have to have, but the models are always this big.
Who is this big?
Skinny and 10 feet tall.
I don't know.
I think it is really hard to customize something that needs to like be churned out really quickly and needs like a little bit more structure.
I get it.
I get it.
But it just sucks being on the receiving end of it because you're just like well, this doesn't fit me, no matter how hard I try.
Like my boobs are going to look triangle.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I had a friend who didn't have bridesmaids.
She's like one of my best friends of life.
Me too.
And it was an interesting choice.
I was like, wow, this is the first.
Yeah.
Would you do that?
Like, do you prefer?
What was her reasoning for it?
Um, I think hers maybe like logistically just wasn't, wasn't a thing.
Wow.
Yeah.
But I remember being kind of sad because I'm like, Oh, I want to be next to you, but also.
What a relief, but also sad.
Would I not want any bridesmaids?
I could see myself not having any.
Because it's just like then you don't have to worry about like oh, this person may or may not be in it.
In my party, yeah.
When it's like not mutual, yeah.
Or you have like 10 and then that's a lot.
Oh yeah, some people have like literally 16, it's too much.
Or 12 bridesmaids why do you have so many friends?
Nobody has 16 close friends.
No one has 16 close friends.
If you do, you're kind of probably psycho crazy, Or you're just not informed.
Or you feel like the idea of a good friend is like much lower.
16, that's crazy.
Unless you all grew up together.
One of my best friends had her siblings, her groom siblings both be each other's bridesmaids groomsmen.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's cute.
But I thought it was really sweet.
I've seen that before, yeah.
It's like a sweet way to do it.
Yeah.
I just hate that I have to travel so much and it's such a time commitment and it's such a financial commitment.
I just hate everything about it, honestly.
Like, I love the friendship.
Yes, of course I'm going to say yes because we're best friends.
Exactly yeah, and like i want to be there, i want to support you for every single milestone.
But damn like, why are we going?
Why are we going to Phoenix Arizona?
Why are we going to Nashville, Tennessee?
Why are we going to Austin, Texas?
Like, come on.
Yeah, I can't say the location because then you know who you are.
But like, why are we going somewhere else?
Why are we going somewhere else?
And then there's like a nice dinner every night.
And then there's... Bachelor trips?
Yeah, it's the trips.
The trips are fun because that's like an excuse to travel, but at the same time it's like you have to make sure that she is happy, so you can't just have fun on the trip, you have to make sure is she having fun?
Because if she's not having fun then you probably shouldn't have fun.
That's a really stressful part of bachelorette trips, or like bridal showers.
It's like you're constantly looking to see like is there you?
Because you can, you know your friend well enough to know like ah, they're kind of disappointed, yeah.
Or like in the face yeah, this recent batch trip, like she booked a place and then, like it wasn't exactly how initially the vibes were, that she thought and it's just like oh, and so you're like trying to like get the group to like bond or be sillier, whatever you know.
I feel like the pressure of that is so much.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That, and you have to just like make friends with everyone, even if you don't care.
Or if you don't like them.
Yeah.
And you just have to be civil with, like five other girls five six seven eight, nine other girls, which is fine.
I'm delighted to do that.
You're good at it.
Yeah.
But it's just like, I'm never going to see you again.
So why am I like acting like your best?
You'll see him at the wedding.
Yeah.
And then that's one more time and then I'll never see you ever again.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I don't like it's just expensive.
Yeah.
It's just, there's no way around it.
It's just expensive.
At the Bachelorette.
As activities are happening in my mind, I'm literally just like racking up the numbers.
I'm like, oh, there's $70.
Oh, no, sorry.
Actually, it's $100 because you got to pay for her portion too.
And then, oh, there's another Costco run.
There's another $100 for all this shit that's going to go in the trash anyways.
Yes.
Because we traveled here.
We're not going to be able to take it, you know?
And then of course you have to pay for the bride's portion.
Sometimes not, but like sometimes yes.
And then you have to pay for her portion of the Airbnb, her plane ticket, her meal.
And so it just becomes like this party that she threw, or her maid of honor threw, that you have to be an open wallet for.
Open wallet.
Yeah.
And you just like don't know how much it's going to be, because it's up to someone else for the planning.
And and you're just like, OK, here you go.
I love you.
OK.
On the flip side, if you're the one planning the thing, you're planning the bachelorette and you want to be considerate of, like what people can pay for.
You have people who are like in school and can contribute 0.
And you have people who are working, who are trying to be generous, saying I can contribute like two, I don't know 2000, whatever right.
Maybe more like a couple hundred, but still.
And it's just like, well, why am I now managing everyone's budget?
Yeah.
This is not my job.
I think that being a person that's planning these is the hardest job.
The hardest, most stressful job because also, people are not clear on what they want, obviously because they don't want to have to say like I can't really or I do.
So that's like everyone's dancing around it and everyone's walking on eggshells and then you just have to like try and guess based on their enthusiasm, like they're not really that excited about this thing or they don't want to do the boating thing, but they like the other, like dinner out for the DJ, and you're just like having to like guess Yes.
But then also in the back of my mind, you're thinking about like I know what my friend would love most, but then like they don't wanna do that one.
I just know all it's terrible.
Yeah.
I mean it's hard for the bride too, because obviously it's her trip and she's probably also like is everyone having fun?
A good bride.
Yeah.
A good bride.
A good bride who cares about everyone else.
Yes.
Yeah.
Like, are they having fun?
I know these people are from different parts of my life.
Like no one ever like overlaps in terms of like what they like.
Yeah, it's so hard and there's so many like whatsapp polls like are you guys free this weekend to this weekend?
Choose the best weekend.
Google forms, google form and whatsapp polls are just like i have trauma of ptsd.
Have you ever been on like Bachelorette plus Bachelor?
No.
Yes.
I feel like I've never been on one, but I feel like it was so fun.
It was so fun.
I had a great time.
I actually wasn't in that wedding party, but yeah, it was.
It was really fun because there's times where like, the girls get to be together and there's times, like where the guys come in and just kind of like, add nothingness.
But sometimes you need that when there's so many girls, and then and then, but then.
But then, once we're tired of them, we can like discard of them.
You discard them.
Honestly, bachelor parties sound really fun.
Way more fun.
Yeah, because all they do is like eat and drink beer and go to clubs.
Go out.
Yeah.
There's no like.
This one bachelor party, they like went skydiving or they did like a hike.
And I'm like, that sounds great.
And said, we're taking photos for four hours.
Yeah.
Every combination of girl with the bride and the group photos and we gotta toss the balloon photos.
And we have to do that at least 17 times because the balloon's covering somebody's face.
Do it again.
That's so true.
And then they always require you to like pack certain things that you don't own.
So you have to buy something else for just like one lunch, we're gonna wear pink sundresses.
And I'm like, well, it's November.
No one is selling a pink sundress.
Where the heck am I gonna get that?
So then it's just like added stress.
I think the best bridesmaid trip I've been on is the one that required like the least involvement.
This is just chill.
Like there's like no, like you have to wear a black dress for this dinner.
Oh yeah, just show up.
Yeah, just show up.
Like what?
Whatever schedule there is, there's some activities.
Just have a good time.
Don't be stressing, just vibe with people.
Yeah, i've had those before too.
Those are good.
There's gonna be a sash.
There's gonna be a sash.
There's gonna be like a white hat when everyone else is wearing a pink hat.
It's not cute.
It's not cute.
It's not cute.
Like we need to do better as women.
Like we need to band together and lift each other up and just like if you're going to have a passionate trip, make it sexy.
Yeah.
Like desire more, have higher standards.
If i see one more bride tribe, like tattoo i have to put on my face.
Oh my god, or you have to, or there's gonna be tattoos of of the groom's face, oh yeah, and it's like what if i didn't like that groom for you, but now i have to celebrate you guys and put him on your body and put it on my body, yeah.
Another thing i hate, speaking of the groom, It's the Bachelorette games.
Oh.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
It's like the she said, she said.
Oh, the shoe thing?
The shoe thing.
Oh.
Or like the groom.
I kind of like those.
I like that too.
I love a good icebreaker.
I feel so forced.
Is this like at the party or is this like at the wedding?
No, at the party, not the wedding.
Oh, at the wedding.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Yes.
I mean, it's an icebreaker.
I know, but.
Some people are shy and they just need.
I don't like party games.
That's okay.
You don't have to like them.
Yeah.
I don't like party games.
Well, I'm sensitive to when like, the Bachelorette games are happening and like, some people are not in it.
And so like I feel like it needs to be a thing, because obviously it's like exciting for the bride, right.
So it's just like a lot of work trying to get people to be like oh my God, that was the answer, you know.
Like bringing the vibe, bringing the atmosphere?
Because no, and the reason you have to do that is because like ain't nobody want to be there.
Is the thing you know.
Like no one wants to be there, no one cares.
You just see, the eyes are glazed over and they're like oh another, i got one, another one wrong.
Oops, everyone's exhausted from the travel.
Everyone's pissed that they have to pay this money.
Everyone's like i don't know anyone here, i don't care to know anyone here.
So then there's always the one bridesmaid who's like guys, it has to be done.
It has to be done like for the sake of the bride.
Like you have to break the ice, you have to act like friends.
There's like no way around it.
Yeah, Yeah.
Unless everyone's like already friends, that's ideal.
That's ideal.
That's ideal.
But like if it's, I mean, it's never going to be that way.
No.
So you have to do an icebreaker.
You have to tell two truths and a lie.
And then there's a lingerie party, and then you have to get them lingerie.
True, true, true.
But that's kind of fun.
It's fun.
I like that one.
I love shopping for my girl and being like, I can't wait for her to be in this.
I won't ever see it.
One of the best Bachelorette games.
I know I said I didn't like Bachelorette games before.
This one was really fun.
Everyone brought, it was like a mix of the lingerie thing.
So everyone brought a lingerie gift and then we all hung it on a clothesline and then the bride had to guess who got which one.
That's really cute.
Yeah.
So, like her sister, children got like the granny panty one you know like, and then, based on everyone's personality, which one they picked out for her.
That was a good one.
See, good for good, good games, but it's really yeah yeah yeah, that's cute, i mean, that's fun, it's fun, but lingerie is expensive.
It doesn't have to be.
The good ones are very expensive.
Yeah yeah, which i?
I also don't know why it's so expensive.
It's literally a string.
And then why are you charging 88 dollars?
It's gonna stay on you for like two minutes.
It's literally a string, but it's fun.
It's fun to see like what people get.
They are pretty strings.
Yeah.
Fashion Nova has great lingerie.
This isn't sponsored, but if you're on the market, definitely go there.
And they ship really fast.
I've gotten a lot of my brides Fashion Nova things.
And they love it too.
It's so cute.
Yeah.
But back to what we hate.
Yeah.
So it's just like all the money racking up.
And then you're like, I have to buy my dress.
I have to buy all these other dresses for the dinners and all these swimsuits.
I have to buy like the lingerie gifts, which I love to do.
One thing I really appreciated was for one of the bachelorettes that I've been to.
The bride knew she knows that it's so much for all the participants.
So one of the activities was going to the spa and she bought everyone a treatment.
Oh, that's so nice.
Yeah, so you could pick between a facial or a massage.
And so everyone was like, oh my god.
And so I'm sure that tab was like multiple thousands of dollars.
Thousands.
Yeah, so things like that, I mean, obviously cost money.
It's a show that you really care.
It's more than like, here's like a... Here's a lotion.
Here's electrolytes, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's not necessary, but like if...
If you have the means, it was really nice.
It was really nice and we needed it.
And Ms.
Seuss was so good.
There's also brides that will pick locations that she knows are closer to the most number of people, which I think is really helpful, versus like oh, my dream was this.
She'd be like, oh, let's do it on the West Coast because it's a shorter flight for everybody.
It's just the little things to consider.
How many bachelorettes would happen if Instagram wasn't a thing?
Would people really care?
Bachelorette trips weren't even a thing.
Trips weren't even a thing.
It used to be a party the night before the wedding.
It used to be that.
Now it's blown out into this huge soiree. of like getting off on yourself.
Like, I have the best friends and this is the best location and I'm having the best time with my future.
I feel that way about like engagement proposals too.
I feel like they get bigger and bigger because- They do.
Because of social media.
Yeah, guys know that the girls want the big thing.
That's beautiful with the candles and the Giant floral arches.
That's so much money.
It's so much money.
Just for the one photo to do the thing, you know?
Yeah.
But like I think engagements would be sweeter and more down to earth without Instagram too.
Like an intimate one.
Yeah.
Like how much of any of this would exist without Instagram or Facebook?
Nothing against a floral arch though.
I do like those.
So if you're watching.
I rest my case.
I do love a floral arch.
So being a bridesmaid costs so much money.
So after all of that, do you think the bride and groom deserve a gift?
We kind of talked about it earlier, but let's really air out the grievances now.
No like, what more could you want from me?
What more could you want from me?
I mean, i will always give them a gift, like despite what i'm saying, but like, do i think that this should be an obligation, an extra obligation on top of everything i've given you?
No, my friendship is the gift.
Me standing behind you is the gift.
In the words of A$AP Rocky, my presence is a present kiss my ass.
Exactly.
I am a testament to how good friends we are because I'm standing right there.
There have been multiple times that I'm pretty sure I looked at the registry and then I just forgot straight up.
I was trying to decide what to do and then I was like oh, I'm going to wait and see, maybe if I can think of something a little bit more personal, and then I literally forget, because I'm buried under the expenses of everything else.
Yeah, so have you forgotten a gift?
I have, definitely.
Yeah, me too.
Yeah.
It's just like, there's so much going on.
The thing is like, I want to celebrate you, but like, I cannot financially support you.
And also, also you are going into like most likely a two income household.
And why does my one little measly income.
Have to support you work.
I'm already celebrating you.
I am so happy for you.
Why do I have to give you my finances?
Yes.
She went all the way to Asia for you.
I went all the way.
I went to Asia for multiple people.
Yeah.
200 more dollars.
Like, come on.
It's never explicitly stated that like they expect a gift, but like, Do they deserve it?
I wish there was a way to give them a gift without having to spend the money or the time, because I don't have that.
Just write a card.
Just write a nice card.
I'm sure they would like that too.
I've also forgotten cards.
I bought cards.
Same.
I bought cards and I was like, I'm going to give this to this.
I forget because I'm busy being a bridesmaid, you know?
It's like a full-time job.
It's literally a full-time job.
Yeah.
Shout out to all of the maid of honors.
You really, it's a thankless job.
The maid of honor is the hardest job.
It's the hardest.
You're balancing every personality, including like the mother of the bride, the mother of the groom.
You're also balancing that too.
A moment for the mother of the groom and a moment for the mother of the bride, depending on who you are dealing with.
Who
Yeah, that's the hard part.
And a lot of times I think the bridesmaids are also like kind of the buffer on the wedding day for the family relationships too sometimes.
Like knowing that they have maybe like a tense relationship with the mother and the mother is constantly at the door during her getting ready.
It's like doing the like, oh, like she's still working.
And usher her away, so that the bride can just rest a little bit, not have the stressful mother around.
You're kind of just playing defense of any stressor coming in.
Weddings are not fun.
They're not fun.
So when you're describing it, I just feel the memories of the stress.
It's just the pressure.
It's like the pressure of putting on this show, this production of happiness, but like no one's actually like having a great time.
I mean, I'm going to speak for myself, but Maid of Honor is, she has to be like HR, PR.
She has to be recruiting.
She has to be like- president, CEO, everything.
As a bridesmaid, you also have to be a dancer because there's like the entrance dance.
Oh, my gosh.
You also have to be an actor, because in the first look photos, when the reveal of the dress, I'm like I've seen your dress over text six months ago.
And when she turns around, and the camera's right there, so you have to perform.
Oh, you're so beautiful.
And try your best to get a tear out.
Oh, we didn't get the shot.
Do it again.
Three, two, one, action.
It's true.
They do that.
Yeah, they do.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They're like, okay, we didn't get that.
One more time, you guys.
Hold hands.
We have to change into the getting ready outfits, even though we weren't wearing that the entire time, but like ah, we're getting prims.
It's those satin kimonos.
Those freaking satin kimonos.
How many do you have?
I have three off the top of my head.
Wow.
I might've gotten rid of some.
I do keep them.
Yeah, they're like comfortable, but I've literally never worn them again.
But then, like some people, invest more in them because they want to be nice to their bridesmaids and they're like thicker material and they're nicer.
And I just I've never worn them, but I don't have the heart to throw them away, which I probably should.
I never throw any of the things away.
They won't know.
You can throw it away.
It's fine.
One of my brides got me like these lace pajamas.
And they're so cute.
I wear it all the time.
I've gotten multiple pajamas that are good.
I love a pajama.
Like please.
More pajamas.
More pajamas.
You can never have too many pajamas.
More slippers.
More slippers, more totes without your name on them.
Like not a satin robe, but like a comfy robe.
I would like that.
Like a waffle knit.
Like a waffle knit robe.
Oh, yes.
You can put my name on that.
I can wear that.
Okay, you've spent the money.
You've taken the days off.
You've booked your flights.
You've booked your hotel.
You land on like a Friday afternoon around 4 p.m., And then what do you gotta do?
You gotta quickly go to the hotel, check in, get ready with another nice outfit, with a different pair of shoes, do your whole hair, do a whole set of makeup to go to the welcome party.
Why is there a welcome party?
The welcome party always goes so late too.
They always go until like midnight, after you've like eaten and drank and already like expended all of your social energy out with everybody.
At the event that you're gonna see again tomorrow.
And then I gotta get up in four hours to get my makeup done.
I just feel like the welcome party is very nice but the bride and groom want to like welcome you.
But
Her voice is quivering.
I'm tired already after the welcome party.
That is the wedding to me.
There's speeches.
There's good food.
There's merrymaking.
The bride and groom look really nice.
It's unnecessary.
I also just feel bad for the bride and groom because they have to spend like the welcome party is always really nice too.
They have to book a venue, book catering, all the open bar again.
It's just, it's like a whole nother set of costs for them that needs to like look nice, be at a standard, before they also have to get married the next day.
I just feel like, why are we making this like a three day event?
This is like Coachella.
It's like a whole weekend affair.
It's your own Coachella.
Your own Coachella.
Oh my gosh.
They are Justin Bieber.
It's literally just a party.
You're just throwing a party about you.
It gets longer and longer and longer, which I know, like some cultures, like it actually is really long.
But I think in America, like I've noticed over the past like 10 years, they get longer and longer.
How much?
No.
But also in other cultures like there are, there is significance to the events that are happening.
Like this is literally just this is just celebration upon celebration.
You don't need to do it and I think you're going to, I probably would, but Like I get it.
I still, will I do a welcome party?
Probably.
Because I'm like, oh, the guests are here.
Yeah.
They're going to have to find food on their own.
We get why you do it.
I know.
Just don't, like, why do you do it?
It'll be fine.
I think a lot of this is actually a product of the fact that everyone is so mobile and moving everywhere across cities, states.
And so when people go, often weddings are always out of state.
The percentage is rare that they're in your community that most of the people are not having to travel.
So when they come all the way there, you're like I'm literally hosting you, not just for my one day, but like the whole weekend.
Therefore it is Coachella.
Weekend one or weekend two?
And everyone buys the full weekend pass.
VIP if you're a bridesmaid.
VIP if you're a bridesmaid.
The VIP pass, yeah.
And you still have to pay extra for the clean bathrooms.
You pay for your VIP pass. in bathrooms.
No, but a lot of times that bathroom sucks because six other bridesmaids are using it.
Yes, the bridesmaid room does not smell good.
It is disastrous.
It does not smell good at all.
Everyone's just sweaty.
Yeah, welcome party.
I actually like welcome parties.
Okay, because it's free food.
I love free food.
I love being able to dress up again and look really nice.
If there's a cute groomsman, which there seldom is.
You know you're going to see them tomorrow.
But you never know.
You never know.
Out of the countless weddings I have been to, the number of times there has been a cute groomsman is maybe one.
Maybe one or two.
I think there's only been one where I was just like obsessed with him.
Afterwards I've never been obsessed with anyone.
I want to be obsessed with the groomsmen.
Come on, have harder groomsmen.
Well no, okay.
At our age I feel like the groomsmen are.
They're all married.
So there's like a really thin line, like very thin interval of time where, like they're like cute and young and single and if, if they're single now, Then you're just like why?
Everyone is trying to set you up with them.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That too.
Or you haven't been set up for a reason.
Yes.
Oh yeah.
Yes.
It's different for guys than girls.
Or they've just gotten divorced.
Yes.
And come on, they're divorced and on the prowl.
That's the worst.
Have you met one of them?
Yeah.
Oh, really?
There's multiple.
And I'm like, calm down.
You need to recover from your marriage.
Oh my gosh.
Don't come at me.
Oh my gosh.
I don't want to talk to you.
Yeah.
And they're like seldom cute.
But weddings are a really fun place to meet people.
It is.
It's really fun to people watch.
I've never met anyone that I started a relationship with though.
I know a lot of people do, but I also heard this thing where it's like the worst.
The worst place to meet someone is at a wedding, because you both look your best and you're on your best behavior.
So this is already like a ruse that you're putting on.
It's true.
And you meet them, you're like, wow, is he this dapper all the time?
No, he put that extra five minutes in his day and that's why he looks like that.
Love is in the air.
Usually it's not, yeah.
Usually he smells bad.
Where were we meeting someone?
At a wedding, though?
Is that you meet their whole world, their whole like community immediately, so you just clock everything faster and having to wait, and you've heard like so many stories, and now you can put faces to this story.
You're like oh, i know who you are.
You own the store, you're kevin, all good things.
Okay, so would you guys have bridesmaids?
Maybe not.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Now that we've shat on it completely.
I still would have bridesmaids?
I think i would no, but i would put them in the most sexiest dresses, like all my bridesmaids.
They are a reflection of me, so i'm gonna put them in like the really super sexy dresses, and they're gonna feel sexy in them too, like i will.
I will ensure that and i'll pay for them.
Wow, if i could drop this mic, i would One time you flung it.
That was so funny.
Would you have bridesmaids?
Yeah, would you have a bridesmaid party dress?
Would you have a party?
Would I have a wedding party?
Yeah, would you have bridesmaids?
Well, I think, okay, there's a bunch of variables.
Would I have a big wedding or not?
If it's just smaller and close-knit with family, then maybe.
Maybe not, because then you can just break all the conventions in general.
Two, would my husband want groomsmen?
Because I often find that the numbers also, they try and match whatnot.
So I think there's that dimension.
I feel like realistically, probably.
I would not have a bachelorette party.
Really?
No.
Okay.
I don't really.
Would you have one, Em?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
I mean, you don't have to come, but yeah, I would.
I would have a trip.
Wow.
I would have a white hat.
I'm just kidding.
I hate that.
I don't know.
I mean, we're nowhere near even like planning one for ourselves.
Like I haven't really given much thought to it, but.
Yeah, same.
The thing is, if I have money, I will do everything.
But I would require an exorbitant amount of money because I want to treat everyone well.
And then if I want to have a party, you want to do it well.
Otherwise, buy me a house, you know?
Right?
I don't need a fricking bride tribe.
Give me a down payment.
You know?
Literally, if you have 10 bridesmaids, they literally pool in together the 2K that they were going to spend for your trip.
You have 20K.
That's a lot of money.
Yeah.
And the money from the groom's side, that's literally a down payment.
That is not including the money that you have to pay for your wedding.
Oh my God.
The cost of weddings alone is like a whole topic.
It's ridiculous.
It's stupid.
It's stupid.
It's a scam.
It's why like the idea of having a wedding is like all also for making this big promise.
I also think it's hard too because your family has desires and expectations oftentimes.
True.
Whether or not a wedding happens.
Yes, there are brides that I know that have only had.
They don't want the wedding themselves, but their parents do.
Oh, that's like a whole other topic.
That's a whole other topic.
Yeah.
Okay, so he would have...
Everything we just discussed.
I would have a welcome party.
Yeah, I would have a welcome party too.
But it would be really good food.
You would have outfits that everyone has to wear.
No, okay.
No, but the thing is everyone will have to wear outfits, but they're gonna be like costumes.
Like everyone's gonna wear a fat suit and then we're gonna go out on the town.
It's gonna be hilarious.
I gotta buy a fat suit.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
I'll provide the fat suit.
Oh, she'll provide the fat suit.
Oh, hell yeah.
Yeah.
Every day is Halloween.
Everyone's going to be Shrek for one night.
I think that's fun.
She loves Shrek.
I love Shrek so much.
She has been trying to have a Shrek-themed party for as long as I've known her.
Yeah.
I still haven't gotten to it, but one day I will.
Maybe I'll have a Shrek-themed wedding.
That's incredible.
A Shrek-themed wedding.
Oh my gosh.
Your officiant can be Lord Farquaad.
Yeah, my roommate was Lord Farquaad for Halloween.
She can, I'll have her wear that.
You have a costume already.
Yeah.
Yeah, one less expense.
So has being a bridesmaid ever ruined your friendship with the bride?
Ooh.
Ow.
I feel- That sucks.
It kind of has to, not ruin, but it's gonna- Ruin.
Affect it.
Oh.
A little bit.
I don't think it has for me.
It hasn't ruined.
Ruined is a strong word.
Yeah, it's strong.
Has it like- Changed your perception.
Has it changed your perception of the person, of the individual?
Actually, no for me, but I have heard of such horror stories from my friends who are involved in other other, like bachelorette parties or or weddings, that I'm just like, thank God that's not my friends.
Yeah.
I had an experience where I grew very bitter because she just kept asking for more things and she didn't tell us like ahead of time.
Yeah.
And so, like what I thought would be an initial like here's a thousand bucks became like here's two thousand bucks.
And I was like, hey, what the heck?
Like, of course, I'm going to give it to you because we're good friends.
I just would have liked some extra communication on the front end.
Yeah, and then it's hard to not let that get to you and it's hard to not let that affect your friendship.
Yeah i, i had to, like talk to her about it but like in the end it was fine.
It was fine, but i was just like i didn't expect that i don't make that much.
It was when i was younger.
Yeah yeah, i know the weddings when you're younger are really hard because you are not making as much money.
Yeah, i just Yeah.
Now looking back, I'm like, okay, that's fine.
It was whatever.
But like when you're making like 40K.
Yeah.
Need to work out 2K.
Yeah.
It's rough.
It's a lot.
Yeah.
I find that the way my friends have done their weddings are very them.
It's very them.
It's like the ones that wanted to do it up big, did it up big and had the best time doing it.
And then the ones that like, one of the small, humble little ones did that and loved it.
Bless you.
There's been some people that I've asked to be.
I've been their bridesmaid, but we just weren't as close.
Yeah.
So those are always strange.
That makes it harder.
Those are always strange, yeah.
Did you say no?
No, I said yes.
Oh, you said yes.
Yeah, have you ever said no when you've been asked to be a bridesmaid?
I have never said no.
I always say yes.
I've been tempted to say no, but then I'm just like, how could I say no?
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
I don't think I've ever said no.
Me neither.
I'm actually very honored when they ask me.
Yeah, me too.
It's like you love me.
Do you want me to be? on your special day?
Of course.
And then I'll bitch about it on a podcast.
Thank you so much.
Of course I want to be next to you.
But this is not about you.
I always love meeting all their friends.
Especially people that you've heard about for years.
Yeah.
Some of them you've met already.
Some of them you haven't.
You're like, you're that girl character in the story.
I always hear the stories about her.
Yeah, like i know everything about you.
But yeah yeah, i know yeah, and you know everything about me, and now we just can quickly be friends.
If anyone has resonated with any of these stories that we've shared, we would love to hear those, so comment in the comments section.
Wherever you are watching this or listening to this, we will read and, you never know, you might be featured here on this podcast.
Thank you for joining this convo where we could rant about and share in the collective agony of being a bridesmaid, so that we can then show up and be extra loving to our friends that we love.
That we love, that we love, that we love.
We love you!
God!
That part is about you.
Yes, this is about you.
I love you so much.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
We're going to be friends forever.
I can give you all the money that you want.
Look at the gleam in her eyes.
You can follow us at the hot pursuit pod on instagram.
On youtube, we love to read your comments.
Drop a comment, follow us.
We send out fun polls and are just looking for more friends.
So if you want to be friends, please follow us and we will see you next time.
With that, hot pursuit is out.
