To bear the fruit of this beautiful pursuit, this commitment towards being creative.
The first step will always be insecure and immature and unknown.
I think that people would rather stay and exist within fear, if they feel they know the fear, than to pursue love if they feel as though there's an unknown aspect to it.
And our relationship that we have to the unknown is, at least in my mind, what creates a healthy life.
Feeling insecure is the doorway through which we come into contact with who we really are.
Oh, it makes me sad that you don't like that, or like you don't like me or whatever, but that's also okay.
I like it.
I feel so shiny though.
Oh well.
I'm glowing.
Hi everybody and welcome back to another episode of Flowering Philosophies.
I am your host, Anaya.
I am here at my table with a little warm drink flowers, my journal.
But today we have a very special edition.
I am sat across from a wonderful friend, Sam.
Sam is a friend of mine.
He is also a fellow artist.
We just got back from picking out some unique winter flowers.
What's catching your eye?
The world is your oyster, Sam.
Look at all these peonies.
What are they called?
Peonies.
Do you know the names of all these?
It's returning, it's calling back to what is most central, so i think that that's sort of what i have in mind.
In regards to the floral arrangement, but i'm not entirely sure that represents well, but i see a lot of glittery stuff over here.
Yeah, so let's see.
If you don't, if you don't mind, my creative juices are yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah.
Okay, we're using some pepper berry which i've never used before.
We got a little.
She called them ranunculus.
I've always called them ranunculus.
Who is sam?
Who is sam?
So my name is sam berg.
I'm a visual artist.
I do pen on paper and i also really love writing.
I think that like having a story go along with an image that i've been sort of like bringing to life over the course of like.
Usually they last for like 10 to 15 hours of just drawing and over that time i'm just kind of in my head and i'm thinking about the meaning of this thing that's coming out and i don't know where it's gonna go.
It almost feels like remembering a dream that i forgot.
It'll never be a perfect match to like the feeling of being alive, being a human, but That effort to actually put it onto the paper is a negotiation.
Then I'm working with the limitations of the material.
I'm working with the limitations of my own mind.
Basically, I draw and I tell stories.
Another reason why I wanted to chat with you is because... These are real, by the way.
Yeah, take a bite of a persimmon if you'd like.
We have some fresh winter fruit.
I've never actually bought a persimmon for myself.
This is a persimmon.
Yeah, would you like to try it?
Do I just bite it?
Yes.
You don't have to do anything?
Nope.
Why do they kind of look like a tomato?
I don't know.
It's the national fruit of Japan.
They're so delicious.
I want to make a persimmon cobbler or crisp.
Okay.
Like an apple crisp.
I'm afraid to do that.
It's almost like a pear with a little cinnamon.
I feel like it has a cinnamon-like flavor.
Okay.
It's much firmer than I thought it was going to be.
Yeah, it's not as like cushy.
Yeah.
Anyways.
What do you think?
It's all right.
Oh, you don't love it though?
I don't love it.
Okay.
But it's good.
I'm going to eat it.
Okay.
I'm glad.
It's my favorite winter fruit of choice.
Okay.
Yeah.
What drew me to this conversation was the way that you fund your lifestyle from your drawing.
I know there's a lot of working artists in this world.
Maybe we're talking to some of them and that, but it sort of felt like a bit of an isolating journey trying to figure out okay yeah, i love to make things, i feel passionate about this, but how am i actually going to bridge just my passion and love into something realistic that could fund my lifestyle?
You make your living from selling your work on the street, meeting people, making those connections, and you have your first ever art show coming up.
Sometimes like there's not really a guideline as to how to go about that type of lifestyle preserving your creativity, sustaining it.
I know that i'm learning my own ways to do that, but i'm always interested in learning from others as to how they preserve their state of creativity, continue to stay inspired and make the life that they're living actually work.
And you're definitely one of my inspirations in those ways.
Oh, thank you.
There's a lot of people that would want to do art full time if it weren't so unclear about how to do it.
It's unclear.
Yeah.
The fact that it's sustainable and the fact that I'm living on it has brought some level of clarity.
And then immediately I acted on it and I really pursued it.
It seems like there's a bit of a different path for everybody.
Everybody.
Because, like when I was starting out with wanting to do art full time, I was looking at YouTube videos.
I was looking at people like top 10 things to do as a freelance artist, or how to make money with your art, and blah blah, blah.
It actually would make me feel more anxious.
Yes.
I'm not actually thinking about the resources that I have.
What's in my life and how can I go about selling my work, making money, making better art, all this sort of thing.
I'm just wanting someone to tell me what to do.
That's the scariest thing about working for yourself is the fact that no one's going to tell you what to do.
It's incredibly freeing and it's beautiful and it's amazing.
Absolutely.
It's also like, wait, no one cares about it.
No.
No one's going to be able to care about it as much as you care about it. right no one's going to care about it unless you care about it there's the initial imagined identity that you long for so you've probably experienced people's poetry before you became a full-time poet, YouTube extraordinaire, right?
There were people that inspired you that kind of showed you.
Okay, I kind of want to do something like that.
Yeah, or like, oh, I can do that, yeah.
Yeah.
Visual artists.
There's a lot of very famous examples of people that are inspiring that you learn about in school or maybe just on your own.
Absolutely.
And you think, whoa, like, What if I could do something like that?
You know how do I become this more complete, more finished version of myself, which is a very unfortunate double bind, because
You almost want to like be that before you begin.
It's inherently like that identity is unborn.
It's almost like everyone has this potential within them to bear the fruit of this beautiful pursuit, this commitment towards being creative.
The first step will always be insecure and immature and unknown.
And inherently...
I think that people would rather stay and exist within fear, if they feel they know the fear, than to pursue love if they feel as though there's an unknown aspect to it.
Foundational essence of existence is unknowable and mysterious.
And our relationship that we have to the unknown is, at least in my mind, what creates a healthy life.
Because I think that if we reject the unknown, we're rejecting a really deep, intimate part of what it means to be a human.
I have a lot of deep reverence for practices of faith.
Yeah, at the same time, i think that it's more for me at least, i think that i prefer the word commitment.
So it's like, rather than saying i'm manifesting this thing, it's like no, i'm committing to this.
Clearly, i don't have control over a lot of it.
But understanding the limitations of my own body, understanding and connecting to the sovereignty of my existence, man like i'm gonna commit myself to that, realizing like, oh my God, I need to draw.
I need to tell stories and I need to share these stories with people.
It's so meaningful to me.
I'm committing myself to this.
Whenever I'm telling stories to people on the street or I'm talking about this with people, people will often say like man, I just wish I was that passionate about something.
I don't have any control.
I don't feel like there's anything I care about that much in my life.
I actually really don't believe them.
But passion also must be cultivated over time.
You're not just gonna wake up one day and be like, wow, I'm in love with this thing that I do.
It's a journey.
Yeah, it's a journey and it always starts really small.
Growing up and going through college and everything, did you have that inkling in the back of your mind that you did want to commit yourself to this passion?
Did you ever get discouraged by kind of just maybe words around you or people telling you maybe what was realistic or not?
Like what was that journey like for you before it started to actually happen and fund your life?
Yeah, yeah.
That's a great question.
So I would record myself with my friends.
And then I found iMovie and I was like, oh my God, this is so cool.
IMovie really opens doors.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, it was the best.
One of my earliest memories my parents had this little coffee table.
Like probably, like Must have been like a foot and a half off the ground or something.
It was just some like crappy little coffee table that we had in the playroom.
I would get like a Bic ballpoint pen or whatever and a printer paper, A4 size.
And I would just sit with my knees tucked in on the ground, and I would just like be like this and I'd just be drawing.
Because it's so much fun.
I would like, you know, like imagine whatever I wanted and I would spend so much time doing it.
It was great.
It kind of just never left.
Like...
I'm a curious person, but I wasn't very motivated by getting good grades, unfortunately.
I love learning.
If there's something that I couldn't feel its direct applicability to my life, I really struggled to study hard about it.
So I also was a missionary kid.
So I grew up in East Africa and I went to a missionary boarding school in Kenya.
How many years were you there?
I was there for seven, eight years.
First it was in rwanda and then i lived in kenya.
Actually, the really weird way that i got into ut was like wasn't weird, it was weird that i got in.
That's the weird part is that i got in, my grades were fine in community college and stuff like applied the first time, didn't get in, and the second time i heard about this thing called the humanities honors program.
So basically you create a thesis and you can pick from any class within the university, from any college within the university.
15 people are accepted, different than a program.
So i applied to it and i really, and then i learned afterwards that was the case and i was like well, there's no way i'm getting that.
And i didn't get it.
And so then i was like okay, i guess i'm gonna live with my friend micah in florida and i'm just gonna work and save up some money and then like, maybe try to go to school next year.
I had signed my lease in florida, i was ready to go and a week before classes started It was like my status.
UT page has been updated.
I was like, that's weird.
I looked up and I was like, oh, you've been accepted.
What?
I've been accepted to the thing.
There's only 15 people.
I already assigned a lease in Florida.
And I remember being like, wait, like completely flabbergasted.
And I called my dad and I remember my dad being like, so what do you want to do?
Like, you don't have to go to school.
And I was like, whoa, like.
That's kind of crazy.
Yeah, I already have this whole thing lined up.
I don't have to do this.
And I realized, no, I really do want to go to school.
I really do want this experience.
While all of this is happening, I'm still drawing.
I have sketchbooks, I have notebooks, and I'm constantly creating new drawings.
That's the love of your life.
Yeah, and it's been maturing with me.
It was my friends encouraging me to put it online because they were like we miss you and we want to see your drawings.
I made an art Instagram and started posting on it just for my friends to see what my doodles.
I was adding to an existing body of work is what it felt like, and I could also watch my progression grow and I was getting social validation from my friends about it.
I started keeping track of my sketches by putting them on Instagram.
Over time.
I just would rather spend my free time drawing instead of doing other things like school or like, even like hanging out with friends.
Like I became pretty obsessive with drawing and not like in a bad way.
It was just like, like I would still spend time with friends.
It wasn't like I was like became a monk or something, but it was.
But it was to the point where I realized like I don't actually want to do anything else.
I just want to draw.
What were the moments that you had that were like that?
Well, I guess, just whenever my work started to progress to a point that, or just like kind of it, reminded me, like what you were talking about, of adding to this almost like online portfolio you were creating where it's like your friends can see what you're doing and you can see the progression of what you're doing.
And I really enjoyed doing that with like writing and video and everything.
And the more time that I started to commit to it, it almost became addicting.
And it didn't take me away from my friends necessarily, but it did kind of put me into a mode of like, this is my life's work and priority and, like my relationships, they will follow suit and they're still here.
But like, this is where my time and focus is right now.
This book I read recently called The Three Marriages.
My favorite poet David White wrote it.
I love the way that he describes like for every human's life There is the marriage to.
The most common one that people know about is the marriage to the other person, the significant other in your life.
There's the marriage to your self, which is basically the internal commitments that you make and the vows that you make towards how you're gonna treat yourself with yourself.
And then there's the commitment and vows that you make to your work, so whatever your work is.
But often just like when you meet a lover, or just like when you meet the significant other, whatever.
And there's sort of like a question mark of who is this person?
And yeah, they're moving to the world in this way.
And I kind of like it, but like, are they a little bit weird though?
And like, there's like, you want to confirm that they are safe.
And I think the same thing that she would work with.
So there's that initial um courting process of of.
Is this really the work i want to do?
So similarly with, like i'm sure, when you first started making these videos actually, i'm kind of curious to learn about what was the impetus towards making the first.
Did you call it flowering philosophies at first?
No, not at all.
What was the first video you made?
I don't actually know like first youtube video ever or like first of these.
Well, after the first youtube video, which is you like messing around as a kid or something, something like this yeah yeah yeah, it was in Early March of 2024.
I always enjoyed like giving advice and having these types of conversations with my friends and sort of like just naturally would introspect about things that I wanted to talk about with others and that I knew others could relate to, but I didn't know how to talk in front of a camera in a way that I would be comfortable with.
Yeah, so I was like you know, instead of me, just because I don't have all the answers.
I don't want to be sitting here just preaching to the camera as though I know everything.
I'm learning, but I'd like to share what I'm learning.
Why not try to disclose that information while doing something that I'm passionate about and that I love?
Okay, so I usually would buy flowers every week.
So I was just sitting down at the dining room table and was like, let's chat about this.
And that turned into a lot more than just that.
But I love that because it's like you were already doing it, you know, which is kind of goes back to the original question of like getting your start in something or like how do you do, how do you, how do you live as an artist?
Yeah, because i didn't choose to like drawing.
You didn't choose to like enjoy making full floral arrangements or even the fact that you like introspecting and like trying to learn.
And i've been very grateful because my family has always been like supportive in the idea of like doing what you love, but there's always been a healthy dose of skepticism of like well, like that's good doing it, but also like make it work.
Like you know, like do, like make it, which I think is I'm very happy because it's fair.
It's not like.
It's not just like a mindless like do whatever you want Sam, everything's gonna be great.
It's like no, like consider the resources.
Like I think when you're younger, you want to hear someone just like believe in you Yeah, and be like it's all gonna work out.
They can't promise you that.
No one can promise you that.
Also, they're naturally and I say this because we're at this age where we're kind of starting our own thing but whenever we're growing up, naturally the people who are raising us, the authoritative figures around us, are gonna project their own experiences to make us safe at the end of the day, or try to provide a sense of safety, like don't make this mistake that I did or what I've seen, or maybe go the safer route, even if they do believe in you.
I think there's that element of like okay, but let's make sure you're being practical, because we want to protect you.
There's not any working artists in my family, so there's not like this oh well, they made it work and they're okay.
Yeah, wanting some sort of leader or guidance, and it's maybe it doesn't always come in the most Obvious traditional way, but like resourcing those inspirations or people, like being like okay, they've done it in this way.
It's like every journey is different, like we said, but being able to source some sort of inspiration from people is, I think, really important.
It's so important like, and it also acknowledges the reality that we are not the first people to do this.
That is to me.
I've been really loving that recently, because there's a plethora and a deep history and tradition of every art form.
It's easy to get lost in, lost in the sauce of what's cool now, what trends are happening now?
Or like, who's in my algorithm?
How many subscribers?
Blah blah, blah.
It's like you can measure success in these sorts of tangible ways.
Similarly, like the first movies i were i was exposed to when i was a kid was like the most popular movies because, of course, like lord of the rings, return of the king, it's like oh, that was my biggest inspiration.
It's like yeah, everyone loves that movie, you know.
Like yeah, you know, but it's because it's huge and it's super successful, very popular, so of course it crossed into my world, because if something is extremely popular, by definition, most people have seen it or more people have seen it.
Right, so i'm more likely to engage with what is popular.
The quality of your work and the connection you have to your art should not relate to something that is completely ephemeral, that has nothing to do with quality or, like your relationship with the work, it shouldn't have anything to do with it and how many people will appreciate it, versus like what you're actually making.
If you're doing it for that other thing well, you're going to be really sad, inevitably when the rug gets pulled out from underneath you.
This day and age, it's like one of people's most common incentives to put themselves out there is so that they are recognized, or that they do gain numbers, or that they do gain this sort of recognition that they're looking for.
But then, yeah, what's at the end of that validation?
At the end of the day, it's just you and your connection to whatever you're making that you want an audience for, but it's like also easier to than none, because it's like, because the ego is this finicky sneaky yeah, sneaky little guy.
That's a sneaky guy.
Yeah, what would you describe to be the greatest challenge of being a working artist, selling your art for a living, believing in having faith that it's worth, that it's worth it?
How do you reconcile that?
I am learning, i don't know.
I um, there's like this love that i'm talking about with creating and drawing and like obviously you can see that i'm i love it and that i'm very passionate about it.
And then there's also this other love that i have for like, the people that are in my life and my family members and my parents and my grandparents and my, my brothers and my sisters.
I love these people so much.
I would do anything to like care for them and Um, the truth is, as an artist, like there are some artists that make very good living.
Um, but as I was describing before, like the relationship with the unknown, I don't know if I'm going to be one of them continuing to pursue something that I don't know if it's going to pay out.
I don't know if I'm going to be able to take care of a family doing it.
And still pursuing it anyways a thought that reassures me is like if i get to the point where like i'm wanting to have a family and like there's no i can't see a future with art in this way like i'll always be making art like it's not possible for me to not make art i have to do it if i want to have have people be able to financially rely on me um and it's not working out with art then there will i trust that as that's that tension continues to rise and if i will i will that tension if that tension will rise then i will have the discernment to make the choice life is calling for this right now and it's these numbers don't add up and i need them to add up and so it will present itself yeah i like basically like riding a horse till it breaks it's kind of the way to be.
And I think that you're like the commitment idea.
To any artists out there who do want to put their work out there and dream of it becoming their lifestyle.
Yeah.
What advice would you give from your experience?
People are way nicer than you think they are.
People love seeing someone doing what they love and people are willing to pay to help them do that.
It's actually very common.
It happens all the time.
Price your work appropriately.
I love coffee.
I'm going to spend my money on coffee.
And like I have several subscriptions to people that I consume their content online.
I pay around five bucks for it.
You know, like that's what I do.
Basically, don't be afraid to share the stuff that you do because people really love it.
They love to see you doing it.
And just start doing it.
And the more that you do it, the more comfortable you feel.
I remember the first time that I thought, I love drawing.
I love artwork.
I want to show people.
I don't really know how to show people.
Where are people?
They're on the sidewalk.
Let me go to the sidewalk.
Yeah, let me go put it out there.
And just like literally just sit on a lawn chair and like, say what's up, you know?
Like, cause that's where the humans are.
Like leave your pride at the door.
Like people would feel street art is somehow less valuable than gallery art or something.
It's all the same.
It's just drawings.
Like it's just drawing.
It's just painting.
It's just whatever.
It's you put your brain towards something and put it onto a piece of some sort of material, whether it's like the, you know, film and stuff.
And then you put it into a file and you put that on a computer and the canvas is a timeline.
Ink on a piece of paper.
It doesn't matter.
It's just you did something interesting at a particular time and space and you want to share that with someone else.
Where are the people?
And then find them and put it in front of their eyeballs and get them to look at it and talk to them.
Embrace insecurity.
Feeling insecure is the doorway through which we come into contact with who we really are.
If you want to find out who you really are, there is this necessary passage you must brave and it's uncomfortable and it feels horrible but you go through it and it's like this tunnel and it's dark and you hear all these voices and you're like you're stupid you're dumb you're not gonna make it like what are you doing literally i cringe that's like the main thing you walk through that and then you you learn and then your eyes adjust to the dark oh there's actually nothing here there's nothing here to be scared of and like you see things for what they really are and it's about like loving that part of yourself and understanding what it's trying to do for you probably protect you and then to be like wow that's a part of me and then integrate that into your person and then to keep going I've always said that like insecurity is such an important tool and part of the journey because it's showing you exactly what might be holding you back like what fear like you said maybe there's nothing actually there but it's this like idea or this blockage that might be keeping you from where you want to go yeah and sometimes like we feel insecure about things and actually guess what sometimes it is really yeah it's actually worth being insecure about it that's the scary part right it's like in what ways am i actually like that like and that's that's what's the real work actually can take place that's how do you handle the perception of your work how do you not let the perception of the people on the sidewalk looking at what you do affect your actual state of creation because i have struggled with like knowing what i love to create but then whenever the opinions and feedback whether it be negative or positive come in it sort of infiltrates my ideas of what I should do, maybe in a good, inspiring way, but also maybe in a way that kind of robs me of some authenticity.
So how do you handle the perception?
I have practiced being like, I will never be you and you will never be me.
And like, that's just like, that's your business.
Yeah.
You know, like, and I think that is your business.
It's your business.
People's perception is their business.
Straight up.
Obviously, I care about the way that you feel.
And In the way that you perceive me, that's sort of my business.
But like, to what extent, obviously I live for validation.
Like I live for people being like, we love you.
Like, good job.
Keep doing it.
Your work is good.
I want that and I need it.
But then how much more do I need it than like going on a good peaceful walk, or like journaling or spending time with a loved one?
I actually don't need it nearly as much as I need those things.
Yes.
And like those things fuel the creation.
That then you're searching for the validation for, but it's like the validation is not going to necessarily feed what's growing your art in the first place.
And even if someone says something that hurts my feelings, like Having more space to hold, the more time that you spend engaging with these things, your tolerance increases.
And so your world becomes larger.
And then when someone says something that hurts your feelings, you can actually hold that.
Oh, it makes me sad that you don't like that.
Or like, you don't like me or whatever.
But that's also okay.
But this is kind of what we're working with as of right now.
Whoa, this is crazy.
So imagine she's a little more condensed.
You can put her in your own vase like so.
But I don't know.
I wanted to have our little ranunculus popping out, our little thistle.
Man, the distribution.
Actually, I love it though.
I like how wild it looks.
I love the deep greens, deep blues, deep reds, the the purple in there.
I am very glad that we had this conversation today.
Yeah, i hope that that made any sense.
It made it.
I like went on.
That's how i feel every time i film.
I'm like okay, maybe none of that made sense, but that's what i have to say.
Are there any anything else that you'd like to to say to the audience and any anything you'd like to showcase or present or add?
Follow me on Instagram at underscore open journal underscore.
That's where I put all my drawings.
I always tell people I'll be drawing until I die, because that's a commitment I've made and I will be doing that.
I hope you follow my drawings.
I hope you like my drawings.
Oh man, what do I want to say to people?
Like hold this with your final thoughts.
No, thank you.
I hope everybody is embracing the unknown, while also trying to very deeply and sincerely understand what they want to do with their life and what they love in their life.
You are your own best friend, really hope that everybody cultivates a very healthy friendship with themselves.
I'm biased because i like drawing, but i also really hope that everybody has a craft, something that they can work on so they can get better at, and like it's just for you and maybe one day you want to share it.
Maybe not, but like it's like taking yourself out.
You know, it's like it's, it's just treating yourself right, i think, to a craft and to do things that you love.
And it seems that they probably already have an interest if they're watching your youtube channel and they enjoy you seeing you do these things.
I just hope that they also will take all of it and they'll be like i'm gonna do this for me too.
You know, that's why we're here.
That's what it's all about.
Cheers, cheers to that, cheers to that.
Thank you, sam.
I like this mug a lot.
This is a good idea.
Yeah, i appreciate it.
I like this well.
Thank you guys for watching.
Thank you for joining me in another episode.
And I will see you very, very soon.
Hope you're having a beautiful morning afternoon evening, wherever you are, whatever you might be doing.
Thank you for joining.
And never forget that we are on this journey together.
Amen to that.
Amen to that.
Cheers.
See you next time.
That was great.
Mm-hmm. oh thank you take that home put it in a vase oh yeah it's actually really beautiful thank you i love it ¶¶
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