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Offer valid 821 through 93. I am away I've gone to the coast Fish and chips and ice cream I love most But don't you worry, we've got you covered Old shows to binge, you'll soon rediscover Hip hip hooray I'll be back on the 8th Until that day Let's laugh and wait Anna's away, but the joy's here to stay Old shows, new smiles, hip hip hooray In as a way.
Hello, and welcome to the English Like a Native podcast. the podcast that's designed for learners and lovers of the English language.
My name is Anna, I'm British, and today I'm going to be talking about help.
We all need a little bit of help. And that instantly reminds me of a Beatles song.
Oh, we get by with a little help from my friends.
Now you may notice that my voice is slightly husky.
I'm not trying to do a sexy voice. It's just I'm recovering from yet another cold.
I've had several colds since the beginning of this year.
And I've been ill on and off and I've lost my voice already once this year. and it started to go again with another recent virus that infected my vocal folds.
And so my husky voice, which you will be listening to today... is the result of recovery from voice loss.
So hopefully you enjoy my new sexy tones.
I don't know why we think husky is sexy, but there we go.
So I'm asking you When was the last time you reached out to someone for help?
Now, I actually recently reached out to my GP for help. because of being perpetually ill. to perpetually do something is to do something over and over again.
Well, I've been perpetually... ill. It's just been one thing after another.
And so I reached out to my GP and I said, please, can I come and see you?
I need a little help, I think. I'm always ill.
Something's going on. Could you help me?
So when was the last time you asked for help and do you feel comfortable asking for help.
And on the flip side, when was the last time you helped somebody else?
And how did that make you feel? Today is all about the subject of help.
Now success rarely comes to an individual without success. the support and the help of others.
Just think about it. Academic success. Let's say you achieve fantastic grades at school, then at college, at university. and beyond.
Well, that doesn't come solely from your... individual work, you had guidance from teachers, you are probably inspired by certain teachers who went out of their way to help you to achieve that academic success.
And not only that, you would have had help from parents, maybe funding.
They might have paid for your tuition. paid for extra tuition, or perhaps you got help financially from patrons.
When I went to university to do my master's, so my second time at university, My tuition fees were very high and I didn't have any money.
I'd just done three years at university for my degree.
And I didn't have any money and I wasn't able to ask my parents for help because they didn't have any money.
So I had to start writing lots of letters and looking for patrons to help support me.
I was very lucky that I did find about 60% of my tuition fees in donations from patrons. and you know if you are studying you also have the kind of emotional support from friends and family, don't you?
They support you in your quest to achieve success.
Whether that's sitting with you for a study session or giving you the space that you need to revise, giving you some moral support when you're feeling low and like you want to give up.
Your friends and your family are there to say, don't give up.
You can do this. Keep going. So that kind of success always comes with the help of others, even though it may seem like it comes from one individual. then we have success in business.
Take a very successful businessman like Alan Sugar. or Richard Branson.
They have achieved huge success in business.
But they didn't get there on their own, even though you only ever think of that one person.
They would have had support along the way to build their businesses, to help them to deliver their services and their products and to make those companies work, they had a whole team of people helping them. and I'm sure they would have had mentors and advisors. to support them as well as obviously the support of their partners and their family and friends.
And then you have things like crowdfunding success when people or charities are able to raise lots of money and we talk about that success.
Well, it comes down to the contributions of every individual donor.
Even if you only donated 50 pence a pound, you know, that's something.
The sum of all the parts comes together and it becomes something meaningful.
So the success of individuals often comes due to the help other people.
So we need to get better when it comes to asking for help.
We need to bury this idea of feeling ashamed or embarrassed, feeling like we are weak if we ask for help.
So how do we, from an English language point of view, how do we ask for help?
Well, If you're not that familiar with someone, if you don't know them very well, then you'd simply say, excuse me, could you help me with this?
Or could you help me buy? Now we say excuse me to get their attention and that also sounds... quite polite.
So it sets up the conversation and the tone in the right way.
Excuse me. it's very nice it's very polite they're more likely to respond in a positive way if you start by saying, excuse me, obviously the tone helps as well.
If you go, excuse me, then that's completely different.
A nice tone, excuse me, kind of rising intonation, excuse me. like you're asking them a question, because you are, you're asking them, could you or can you Help me with this.
We could also say, would you mind doing something?
So we could say... on a train. Excuse me, do you mind moving over a little bit so I could sit in this seat?
Excuse me, do you mind giving me a hand with this bag up the stairs?
That reminds me, when I was moving around London with my son Jacob one time, He was in the pram and I realised... that travelling around London with a big pram and a baby in lots of bags was actually quite difficult.
Most tube stations are, I say most, a lot of the tube stations I was travelling to, through were not set up for So we talk about access, there wasn't good access for prams and wheelchairs.
And so I would find myself stuck at the bottom of a platform looking at a huge flight of stairs thinking how on earth am I supposed to get my son to the top of these stairs.
So I would have to say, oh, excuse me. Would you mind helping me up the stairs with this pram or would you mind Just bringing my bags up for me while I struggle with the pram up the stairs.
And people were always... Always very happy to help.
All I had to do was ask. So you could say, excuse me, would you mind doing something for me?
Or excuse me, could you help me with this?
So with the pram, I could have said, excuse me, could you help me with my pram?
Could you help me with my baby? Could you help me to do this specific task or help me with this problem?
It might be that you're lost. Could you help me to find... Could you help me to find the train station?
Or could you please show me how to... and then do a specific task or find a specific place.
Could you show me the way to the train station?
Could you show me how to tie my laces? I've never done it before.
I'm a fully grown adult and I've never worn shoes with laces.
Could you show me how to tie my laces? Could you show me how you did that?
That thing that you just did was amazing.
Could you please show me how to do that?
You could also explain to someone that you're struggling with something or you're having trouble with something.
Usually just by explaining that you're having a problem, they will jump into action because they'll know exactly what you want. want.
You're in trouble and you need help, but you can then follow on by asking them for help.
So you start off by saying, I'm having trouble fastening my necklace.
Could you help me with it? Or I'm having trouble turning on my iPhone.
I've never turned it off before. And now that it's off, I'm having trouble turning it back on.
Could you show me how to turn it on? please.
So by explaining the trouble that you're having, people are usually happy to help without any further instruction.
Now, some informal phrases for asking for help or offering help are to lend or to give a hand.
So I might lend you a hand. Or I might say to you, could you lend me a hand?
I might give you a hand or you might say, could you give me a hand, please?
Now, to give a hand is basically just to literally offer your hands in a physical task.
Although to be honest, it can be used for things that are less physical, like help with an email.
Could you give me a hand with this email?
I'm trying to write something witty, but I just can't think of the right words.
Could you give me a hand? So it's just a different way of saying, can you help me?
Could you give me a hand? Or you tell them, I'm really struggling to write this email.
I just can't think of the right words. And the other person will jump into action and say, do you know what?
I'm just finishing off the washing up, then I'll come and give you a hand.
I'm very good at writing emails. I'll give you a hand with that.
You may have heard of the phrase pitch in.
This is our next phrase. Pitching always makes me think of a larger group of people all working together to help either one person or two help achieve something.
So to pitch in is to contribute, is to help, but it's like a part of a wider group.
So we all pitch in to do our bit, to do our part.
For example, I often clean the dining table after we've had a meal.
I take all the plates and the cutlery and the cups and the glasses from the dining room into the kitchen and then clear up.
So I'm Washing, I'm loading the dishwasher, I'm wiping down the sides, I'm wiping down the table, I get the dustpan and brush. and I'm sweeping up the debris off the floor and then I may even get the mop and mop up if there has been a lot of mess. if there's been a lot of food that's been dropped on the floor that's kind of you know left a smear or a smudge, then I might get the mop out and mop up as well.
If I'm feeling a bit fed up and I am really struggling, to clear up on my own.
And I would like a bit of help because actually tonight I'm going out.
So I need to clear up quickly. I might say, look, guys, could you all pitch in, please?
Could you all pitch in and help me? If we all pitch in and work together, then this will be done in five minutes.
And that will really help me. Could we do that?
Yeah, mom, I'll pitch in. Oh, thank you.
So to pitch in, Now, some other phrases that are kind of more specific are to have someone's back To have someone's back just means you're always there to support that person. that you are their backup.
I've got you on this, don't worry. Now it might be very specific.
For example, I've just been watching a like a crime drama kind of series, which is excellent.
The Fall. It's available on BBC iPlayer, I believe, with Gillian Anderson.
Oh, it's so good. Anyway, a police officer often works if they're out on the beat, if they're out patrolling.
They often work in pairs, so they have a partner.
Now, your partner... will usually have your back.
They've literally got you covered. So if you are in a situation where a suspect or a member of the public approaches you and becomes... agitated, maybe violent, and they're aiming that at you. then your partner will have your back.
They'll be there to back you up, to support you. whether it be physical or verbally, emotionally, they've got you, they're supporting you.
Come on, you can do it. Don't back down.
They've got your back. They're looking after you.
They're supporting you in the appropriate ways.
Now, your partner, your children, you naturally have their back or hopefully you do.
You are there to support them if they need it in whichever way it is that you would normally support them.
You've got their back. And we literally would say, hey, don't worry, I've got your back.
Please don't worry about this. I've got your back.
I've got your back. I'm looking after you from behind.
Where you can't see, I'm here behind you, giving you whatever you need.
Here for you to fall back on. And if someone is an incredible help, you might call them a lifesaver.
Oh, you're a lifesaver. That's if someone's done you a huge favor or helped you in a way that's just been really... meaningful to you.
For example I really, really, really want to go to the theatre tonight, I booked tickets months ago to see a show that I've been waiting to see for... for years and it's finally here in my local town.
I booked tickets, I spent a lot of money which I worked hard to earn and And then something's happened, something's come up that meant I can't go to the theatre.
Because I need childcare and maybe my childminder has let me down.
And then you step in and say, Anna, I know how important this theatre trip is to you.
So I'm going to look after your children for you while you go to the theatre because you deserve that.
Go! go to the theatre and I'll say, oh my goodness.
You're amazing. You're such a lifesaver.
Thank you so much. You're a lifesaver. So you haven't physically saved my life.
I wasn't dying. But you have done something for me that's... been really, really impactful, really meaningful.
So thank you so much. You're a lifesaver.
Now, when it comes to asking for help, if you are looking for inspiration or motivation, Well, in general, if you're ever looking for inspiration, I highly recommend this TED Talks I'm sure all of you listening have heard of TED Talks you can find them very easily available on YouTube or on the TED Talk website.
I'll leave a link to the particular TED Talk I'm going to mention now. in the show notes.
So TED Talks are a great resource and One TED Talk that came to my attention recently was called The Art of Asking. and it's by a lady called Amanda Palmer Now, in this talk, she talks about the power of asking for help and how to connect with other people.
Now she herself is a musician. And she came under a little bit of fire recently from like fellow musicians.
She was criticised a lot because In the end, she decided to walk away from her music label and start giving her music away for free.
So she was being criticized a lot by fellow musicians.
But her whole philosophy is about community, about... giving and asking for help in return.
So when she first started out as kind of a jobbing musician...
So she was a budding musician. If you're budding in anything, it means that you're just starting out in something.
So a budding musician is someone who's just starting out like a little flower bud. hasn't yet bloomed, but it's a little bud.
And she was doing the rounds as a budding musician.
This is what she wanted to do. So she was doing other jobs.
And she had no money because... Anyone who is particularly in the creative arts whether it be music or actual art, so painting, drawing. graphic design, acting, singing, these careers usually don't pay very well.
So she was struggling for money. And in the early days of her career...
She would reach out all the time to her fan base asking for things.
Hey, we're going to be in this town tonight and we've got no food.
Can anyone feed us? And amazingly, people would always respond.
They'd always say, yep. And people would go out of their way driving down to where she was doing a gig with homemade food and they'd have like a huge buffet because people were so willing to help.
And it wasn't just food. She would be asking for things like a place to practice, an instrument.
Hey, guys, I'm in this town doing a gig and we need to do some rehearsals during the day, but we've got no piano until this time.
Has anyone got a keyboard we can practice on?
And she'd also ask for help with accommodation.
So she'd do something that we call couch surfing. which is where you don't pay for a hotel, you just literally ask for... a place to stay in different people's houses.
Literally, I'm happy to sleep on the floor.
I'm happy to sleep on your couch, your spare bed. anywhere, if you could just give me somewhere to lie down and rest my bones, that'd be great.
Have you ever couch surfed before? I... Certainly have.
There was a period in my life where I didn't have anywhere to live.
I had no fixed abode for about six or seven weeks.
And so I was couch surfing. I had my car as a backup, so if I needed to, luckily I never did.
If I needed to, I could have slept on the back seat of my car, which I think...
It's maybe illegal. I don't know. Maybe it's illegal in America and I've seen it on films.
But yeah, I couch surf just staying at different friends' houses in spare beds or on the couches whenever they were happy to put me out. up and that's what this lady amanda she did regularly but not with friends rather with fans, so literal strangers.
She would just put it out there in the world.
Hey, guys, I'm going to be in this place on this date.
Can anyone put me up? So to put someone up is to let them stay for a short time.
And people regularly did. They offered her a roof over her head.
So complete strangers, they would say, yeah, sure, come and stay at my place.
And she would not know what to expect. At any time, she would just turn up at the door and in some cases she would be going into a luxurious home being offered food and wine and a chance to have a nice warm bath. stay in a lovely bed on other occasions.
It was... you know, a really basic accommodation, it might even be just a couch or a floor.
So all she'd have is a roof over her head and a bit of company.
And she loved it. She said that this trust that she was putting into people.
Just being open, just asking for help and being open and receptive to people helping her.
felt good. She enjoyed receiving the help of others.
And she said it never really felt... wrong.
It never felt like she was taking or that it was unacceptable for her to be receiving help because the people she was receiving help from had benefited from things that she was doing so they enjoyed her music.
She was an artist and they were fans of her music.
Her music meant different things to different people.
To some people, it was just enjoyable for them to listen to. to other people, it would have been life changing, would move them, would help them to get to sleep, help them to relax. helped them to discover themselves, so she had helped them. lots of people and by being open to receiving their help, they would gladly give it.
And so she was offered a record deal at some point, but didn't like the idea of selling Her music, she preferred the idea of giving it away for free. and continuing this connection that she'd always had previously with her audience. to be so engaged with them and connected with them.
And so she tries to encourage this idea of being open to helping and being helped. and not feeling ashamed to ask for help.
So I'll leave a link to this particular talk.
It's only about 13 minutes long. I'll leave that in the show notes for you to have a look at.
Now the final statement that she makes in that particular talk is, I think people have been obsessed with the wrong question, which is, How do we make people pay for music?
What if we started asking how do we let them?
How do we let them pay for music? So rather than make them pay, force them to pay, how do we let them pay?
Because the idea is that if people enjoy what you do, If people like you, then they'll want to pay.
And when we talk about paying, we always think about money, but actually our most precious resource is our time.
So when you ask someone for help, you're asking them to pay with their time and with their energy.
And so maybe that's why we feel awkward asking for help.
It's the same as asking for money. We don't want people to spend their time or spend their energy on us.
We feel really awkward and uncomfortable with that.
But maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we should let them help us.
This all brings to mind the generosity that I've experienced of my students.
There's three occasions that spring to mind.
The first is when I was on a baby moon. with my partner.
And a babymoon is a holiday that you take before the birth of your child. usually it's your first child.
So before your first child is born, When you're still footloose and fancy free, as it were, you're still independent. you still get a reasonable amount of sleep. this holiday is kind of like your last taste of life without a child, the having fun. and enjoying life before everything becomes chaos.
And we were in Italy touring. And I'd asked a few students who live in Italy for their recommendations.
I'd said, please, could you recommend... where I should visit in this particular area, what I should do, and what I should eat and not just from one student but a number of students said please.
Come and meet me. Let me feed you. Let me take you to places.
Let me show you around. Let me be your tour guide.
Why don't you come and stay at my house?
Now I didn't take them up on the offer to sleep over at their house.
I didn't. feel like that was the right thing to do.
It felt like too much. But I did take them up on the offer to meet up. to allow them to show me around.
One student took me to his home And his family all came around the table.
His wife had cooked an amazing meal for us.
And they were just so generous, so generous.
And they spent the day with us. And then another occasion was when...
My computer completely broke. I say it broke down.
It didn't just break down. Completely broke.
It was kaput. Kaput. Kaput is a word that I believe has German origins.
Kaput in German I think means broken. We do use it here in the UK so if something is kaput, it's broken.
My computer was completely dead. It was as dead as a doornail.
And I had an Apple Mac. because Apple is fantastic when it comes to dealing with media so you know, editing videos and recording audio and things like that.
So I had an Apple to manage all my YouTubing stuff and it broke.
And I was like, what on earth am I going to do?
How can I do my videos? How can I record?
How can I edit? And so I used my phone to go live and to my students and I said, I'm really sorry guys, I can't afford a new Mac and I can't make videos without it because back then I mean your phone it was your phones were good but they weren't really good enough for me proper videos.
So I said, I'm really sorry guys, I'm not going to be putting out any material for the foreseeable future.
I don't know when I'm going to be able to start recording videos again.
Which is really sad. And then someone suggested that I try setting up a...
I can't remember what the name of the website was I used, but basically a crowdfunding page.
And I felt quite uncomfortable about it.
I was like, well, who's going to... I can't ask people for that kind of money.
A new Mac was like $1,800 or something. I can't ask my students to give me £1,800.
That's crazy. And for what? Just so I can put out a few YouTube videos.
So I really didn't think that anyone would care enough about the work that I do in order to want to help. me but after my partner gave me a good talking to I decided to make the page and I did put out a little announcement just saying, look, I'm trying to raise the funds to replace my computer so I can continue making videos for you.
There's no pressure, but if you would like to help, then this is the link and I just left it at that.
Literally a day later, 24 hours later...
I'd been given over 2,000 pounds. Can you believe that?
I certainly couldn't. My jaw dropped to the floor.
I was... Absolutely flabbergasted. That's a great word.
I was flabbergasted by the generosity and the willingness. to help me to buy an Apple Mac computer.
You know, an iMac is an expensive piece of kit that most people don't have the luxury of being able to afford one and Yet my students from all over the world, from all different walks of life, came together to gift me an iMac.
It was... It was very humbling. It was an incredible experience and a real insight into...
The value that my fan base, my audience, my students... really gain from what I have to offer.
And so That was the second experience and the third was meeting a student here in London and I occasionally do meet up with students and I met up with this student and We had a lovely dinner with her and her family and I was there with my children, my family.
And when it came time to pay the bill, they just whipped the bill off and paid for the meal.
And this wasn't just a case of pain for me, it was pain for my family.
It was just so unexpected and so generous.
And I do feel bad. I feel like, oh, well, I need to give something back. there is definitely this sense of, oh, I don't deserve this.
But as soon as someone does something for you, you have this sense of obligation, this duty to do something in return.
And you build this relationship. Now, I'm not suggesting that you all have to go out and start... throwing your money around and helping people financially, But it stands that if you help someone, they feel the need. to help you in return, or they're certainly more open to helping you in return.
After all, humans are highly social creatures.
We're social by nature, we crave connection and we depend on one another. to learn and to grow.
Now research actually indicates that helping others makes us feel good.
It makes us feel good about ourselves. I feel like a wholesome human being because I've just helped someone else.
And it's so rewarding to see how my action has impacted someone else in a positive way.
Now, I certainly feel that at Christmas time.
I don't really care about the presents I get or don't get.
What I care about is giving. I care about the impact I have on the people that I care about.
I want to make them smile I want to give them gifts that have a positive impact on their lives, whether that's a journal or Something for the kitchen that helps them to make fantastic new meals or smoothies or something. or an item of clothing that they love and wear often.
Now, despite the fact that we feel good when we help others, We are hardwired for altruism.
Altruism, if I'm pronouncing that correctly.
Altruism is basically feeling a selfless concern for others well-being.
So if you care selflessly about other people.
You don't even give a thought to yourself.
You care more about them. and them being okay.
That is altruism. So despite being hardwired for altruism, many of us feel uncomfortable at the mere thought of asking for help.
Oh no, I couldn't possibly. In today's society, it is increasingly challenging to ask for assistance from our friends, our family, or even our colleagues at work because self-help and independence being self-reliant, these things are encouraged and praised.
Wow, amazing. You did this by yourself. Oh, look what I achieved.
And nobody helped me. Isn't that amazing?
I'm a go getter. I'm an independent person amazing.
Well, that's great. But the truth is that no one can go it alone.
Everyone needs a little help from their friends.
I'm back to the Beatles. Okay, so the important thing to recognise is that Seeking help from others, this is not a sign of weakness.
You're not weak if you need help. You're not incompetent.
Actually, seeking help is a sign of strength and self-awareness.
It's much better to ask for help and grow and achieve than to just simply struggle in silence.
This is a sign of courage. It requires you to be happily vulnerable. to trust in another human being.
It takes courage to admit that we don't have all the answers, that we don't know everything.
And that we need input from other people.
We need their support to overcome our obstacles and achieve our goals.
Asking for help is an opportunity for growth and for learning.
And when we ask for help, we open ourselves up to new ideas, to feedback. and the perspectives from other people that can challenge our own Assumptions expand our knowledge and broaden our horizons.
It's good to be open-minded and open to help.
You can learn new skills, you can build new relationships and you can gain new insights. that you wouldn't have had access to otherwise.
So in conclusion, helping others and asking for help They're two sides of the same coin.
Being generous with our time and our resources and our expertise.
We can make a positive impact on others' lives and create this sense of community and belonging.
And by being open to receiving help, and open to support from others, we can overcome our limitations.
We can reach our full potential and we can lead happier and more fulfilling lives.
So, here are a few things that I want you to consider. actionable steps based on what we've talked about.
I want you to try and embrace vulnerability.
So recognise that asking for help is difficult.
And it's uncomfortable, but it's a way to build connections and relationships.
So practice being vulnerable. Open up about your needs.
Ask for help. Ask for help with something today.
What can you ask for help with? Have a think about that.
And then build trust. Consider ways that you can develop trust with those around you.
Be reliable. Follow through with your commitments.
If you say you're going to do something, then do it.
Be that person that people can depend on.
Be trustworthy and reliable. And then give and receive help.
So be open to both giving and receiving help.
There are many people I know who are very happy to help others but terrible when it comes to receiving help.
My hand is in the air here. This is me. I'm usually quite open to saying yes to people who want help.
But when someone offers to help me, I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, don't worry.
I can do it. I'll do it. Don't worry. Don't worry.
Don't worry. And this, in my line of work and in my life, with my children and all my commitments, often leads to burnout. an illness, which is why I'm going to my doctor to ask for help, probably because I'm overwhelmed and because I don't accept help. very often and I should.
And finally, try to build more of a community.
It has been proven that people in their old age People who live much longer and have a better health and less disease in their golden years, it's usually they're more sociable.
So there is a correlation between people who are sociable and people who have good relationships long lifespan and health span.
So try to build community. Consider how you can build community with those around you, whether that's joining a club, or some sort of group or organization.
Find things that interest you. It might be a knitting club or a book club.
It might be an online thing. It might be my conversation club.
This isn't a lead to a plug for my conversation club, but if learning English...
If that interests you, which is why you're here, I imagine, then my conversation club would be... a great way to get involved with a community who are you know, interested in the same things that you are.
So build community. Those four points again, embrace vulnerability.
Work on being trustworthy and reliable. Build trust with people.
Give and receive help and build community.
Remember asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a way to build relationships and community which are very important.
And by embracing vulnerability, building trust and being open to giving and receiving help, you can create a more fulfilling and connected life.
Now, following my own advice, I'm going to let you know that there is an opportunity for you to help me. by becoming an English Like a Native Plus member.
And your support helps me to fund the production of this podcast because it's not just me.
I do have someone who helps me to clean up the audios and to do the painstaking task of the transcripts.
So preparing, correcting the transcripts.
Oh, my goodness me, it's very, very long-winded.
But if you'd like to help me with that, then that would be amazing.
I'll put a link in the show notes. I do hope you found today useful.
Now do go out and help someone in the world. and be willing to accept help.
Until next time, take care and goodbye.
