I am an animal who follows a herd.
I am not as smart or unique or free as I think.
I am driven by my emotions, social norms, and expectations.
The unexamined life is not worth living, Socrates famously taught.
But to examine our own values needs identity.
We can't simply walk in the shadows of others to buy what they buy, to dress how they dress, to eat what they eat, imagining that somehow their life will be our life, their beauty will become our beauty and that their success will manifest itself for us too.
I'm not a freethinker just because I feel like one.
If I was, I would have never gotten bright pink ballet flats.
Knowing damn well, my soul feels more connected to people like Helena Bonham Carter rather than Margaret Robbie.
I'm not a freethinker.
If I was, I would have never spent thousands of dollars on oversized blazers, because the it girls look so stylish and effortless wearing them.
For me, the oversized blazer is the epitome of me cheating myself, as I've felt like a cheap replica each time I've worn it and tried to force myself to love it.
The fitted jackets, however, absolutely, yes, I love a snatched waist.
But the it girls are trending, they're popular, and I'm no better than the average person who wants to be admired and liked, and so my life has remained unexamined, as I've continued to live in the shadows of others, even though it's made me feel sad and ugly.
Social media offers us choice, but it also subtly teaches us what to choose.
Socrates would say this illusion of choice is dangerous.
It makes you feel autonomous while you're actually being led.
How many of the people you admire do you admire solely because others admire them?
How many of the pieces in your closet are hanging there collecting dust because you impulsively bought what looked good on someone else?
And it makes sense.
Imitation feels safe.
Why explore your own tastes and desires when you can just copy other people and buy yourself into a sense of belonging and popularity?
And sometimes it does work.
The trends help us find things we love and help us shape an identity that does indeed feel authentic to us.
Like the pointed toe mules you see on every it girl, absolutely yes, makes me feel invincible each time I wear them, like a fashion weapon.
Sneakers for any other occasion than physical activity?
Absolutely not.
It makes me feel like a kid who's gotten lost at the grocery store and is frantically looking for her mom.
Flowy floral dresses and skirts?
Apparently, men love them as well spent thousands on those as well, only to ship them away in a donation bag because they never failed to make me feel like I was cosplaying someone.
I'm not.
I've been wondering why I often feel lost in the clothes that I wear, or why I frequently seem to encounter the frustrating feeling of I have nothing to wear, despite having a closet full of garments.
Part of the answer seems to lie in color theory, a topic I haven't fully understood.
I am olive skin, very warm, which is why it makes sense that i hate this white dress and every other bright, almost bluish white with a passion.
It completely clashes with my complexion, making me look dusty and dirty and not in a hot way.
A slightly fitted midi skirt absolutely yes.
With a super wide top no.
With this cream top absolutely yes.
An all black outfit, bulletproof, paired with some black eyeliner and I am unstoppable.
I don't want to be the weirdo who goes to therapy, because that signals that something must be wrong with me.
Maybe my anxiety, my fears, my traumas are not serious enough or valid enough for me to get help.
I should be able to figure this out on my own.
That is the thought process I had throughout my teenage years, and it kept me from seeking support.
Not only did I fear judgment from others, but I was judging myself.
But the reality is that I was not alone in feeling this way.
BetterHelp's state of the stigma survey found that 1 in 4 people still feel judged for seeking therapy, even though they know it can be incredibly helpful for their mental health.
This fear of judgment prevents so many from getting the support that they need.
That's why I'm so happy that this video is in paid partnership with BetterHelp.
They are dedicated to breaking down those barriers.
Their platform makes it easy to get help, offering therapy that's tailored to your needs and completely free of judgment.
I know when I've casually mentioned therapy to a friend like oh, I cannot meet up on Tuesday morning because I have therapy, there's still this sense of shame because of the stigma, even though I should be so proud of myself for taking care of my mental health and even though I know that therapy has been truly life-changing for me.
One of the most helpful discoveries for me in therapy has been learning how different things in my life tie together.
For instance, I've always been quite theatrical.
I've loved cosplaying and I've had countless phases like Right now I'm cosplaying Muggle and I've learned in therapy that some of these desires to be someone else.
It's worth giving therapy a try.
There are no strings attached, nothing to lose, but so much that you could gain.
To get started, click on the link in my description box or go to betterhelpcom.
Slash lana and get 10 off your first month of therapy.
I need to put my phone down and take a few deep breaths.
Every time I see outfit posts on social media being flooded with where did you buy that?
Comments, knowing damn well that most of us think that buying a face cream comes with the perfect skin of the person using it, that the lip liner comes with the fullness of the lips, that the jeans come with the goddess-like build.
That the bikini comes with a tropical location, knowing you live in gloomy Stockholm and have no plans to go anywhere else.
And when it doesn't work, when your hair remains frizzy and the blemishes don't go away, you're left wondering if there's something wrong with you, because it worked for her.
Yes, it did.
It worked for her unique self.
Her shape, her complexion, her style.
You and her are not made of the same stuff.
Of course your outcomes are going to be different.
So what can you do?
Simply never get inspired by anyone ever?
No.
In fact, you couldn't do that even if you tried.
You are not above the herd, neither am I.
But here's what you can do.
Translate, don't copy.
Let's say you see a girl on TikTok putting on a lipstick that looks so flattering.
Instead of immediately adding to cart, pause, do some reflection.
Ask yourself, do I love this because it is her wearing it?
Her as in that beautiful woman that you look up to and that others admire.
Does she look like me at all?
Her skin, her undertone, her features.
That might give you a better idea of whether or not that lipstick, let's say, is going to flatter you as much.
Do you even wear lipstick?
And if you do, do you wear it in that shade or are you buying into a fantasy?
That is not even What are you craving.
Is she standing in the bathroom of a 5 star hotel and the feeling you're after is luxury?
Do you think you'll get that with the lipstick?
Does she seem to have the perfect boyfriend and you think, if I look like her, I may also attract a boyfriend like hers.
What is it now?
Perhaps you like the formula it seems to go on butter smooth, nice.
Now look at the color range.
Perhaps there is a color that is going to go better with your colors.
Or you like the color, but the formula is quite drying and you already have dry, chapped lips.
It's not going to work, for you.
See if you can find a similar color but with a different formula.
So by all means, get inspired, but translate, don't copy.
Now you might think it's not that deep.
Everything is that deep.
Every decision that you make, every purchase, every penny that you spend.
And the real glow up begins when you realize that.
When you stop chasing someone else's magic and start crafting your own.
The unexamined life is not worth living.
So are you ready to examine yours?
