This is the Business English Podcast, episode 485.
Perfectly imperfect ways to enter a group conversation.
Welcome to the business english podcast.
From all ears english.
Get the english skills you need to achieve your dreams in global business for a presentation, a meeting or your office party.
This is real business english, with your favorite american hosts, lindsay and michelle, coming to you from new york city and colorado, usa.
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Hey, Michelle, how's it going?
We're recording today on a Monday.
So happy Monday.
Happy Monday.
Happy Monday.
A little bit out of the use for us, right?
Out of the use.
Yeah.
So, Lindsay, but I have a question for you.
Do you ever feel a little awkward when you're at a conference or a reception and you don't know anybody?
Yeah.
I mean, this is usually how it is at a conference.
You're usually there by yourself unless you're there with work colleagues.
Sometimes companies will send groups of work people.
But actually, you can meet more people when you're there by yourself.
And yes, I do feel awkward.
For sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How do you I mean, how do you usually start conversations?
Do you go up to a group and stand there and kind of laugh and kind of laugh, laugh at myself?
Yeah.
No laugh at anything that you try and jump in in that kind of way.
Do you have any tricks?
Yeah.
I mean, I like to go up to group, listen to what they're talking about.
Yeah.
Or if it's a one on one thing.
You know, at the podcasting conference, it's so nice because podcasting is so new.
It's still very creator-centric.
So the opening line for most people is, what's your podcast?
It's very cute.
You know, it's very like early stage podcasting. creator centric.
But the T cell conference was a little harder actually, because people teach ESL in a lot of different ways to a lot of different people.
So yeah, it just depends on what the conference is, what the theme is that we share.
But I think listening at first is good.
And then waiting until you have kind of an opening is my approach.
What's your approach, Michelle?
Well, yeah, I would say that that's typically my approach as well.
But recently I tried something completely different for me.
And I'm going to share about what happened and what this taught me and how it might be able to my experience, might be able to help our listeners.
Cool.
Guys, before we get into it, we want to remind you to hit the follow button now, wherever you're listening to the Business English Podcast.
Yes, I love it.
And this is a complex topic.
I'm so glad we're getting into this.
There are so many ways to do it.
We're going to present a new way today, but there are so many different ways to do this.
And the key is to do it right.
We have to do it.
We have to approach a group.
Sometimes two people will be talking and they're in an intensive conversation.
Those conversations I will avoid because it looks like they're really into something, then that's awkward when you kind of insert yourself there, right?
What's hard is when you're kind of looking and you're trying to figure out who is the right group to try and join right.
Exactly.
And you're kind of you're observing and then you might start to kind of step towards one, and then you're to change your mind and realize maybe they look like they're really in a deep discussion.
And so you just kind of switch.
It's true.
It's uncomfortable.
It's uncomfortable.
We have to look at body language.
How open do they look?
Oh my gosh.
So Michelle, where do we start?
Yes.
Yeah.
So I wanted to just share this story because it was kind of interesting.
I don't know what made me do this, but so I was at a meeting for this organization that my husband and I donate to.
Um, and I went by myself.
Uh, it was my first.
It was kind of their annual meeting and it was the first time I attended that, I was invited and I was excited about it.
So we didn't have a babysitter.
So I just went by myself and And when I arrived it was the cocktail hour and I was maybe because of traffic and the kids I was maybe 20 minutes late.
So everybody was already kind of in their groups.
And yeah, and it was clearly a room of people who had been to these events before.
So I was a newbie, as you might say.
Um, so what I did was I got my food and I looked around and I did see that most people were already in conversation.
So I was thinking, okay, how do I jump in?
I could just... sit down by myself.
This is, you know, that would have been all right, but I wanted to connect with people.
So I did observe two people talking and I just, I just went for it, Lindsay.
I just walked over to them and I said I literally just walked over and I just said I'm here by myself.
I don't know anybody, so I figured I'd say hi.
I love it.
It's endearing, right?
It makes people... Well, it kind of pulls out the human side of vulnerability, right?
Right.
It's true.
But I said it in a confident way, which is kind of... It's just kind of interesting.
I'm just very matter-of-fact.
Hey, I'm here by myself.
I don't know what made me do that.
You know, I just...
I think what happened was I was kind of observing and then they maybe kind of caught my eye.
Okay.
So there was no way out at that point.
Okay.
Um, that works.
Yeah.
So, I mean, this was very direct, uh, For sure.
And it's not smooth, right?
It's not, oh, I'm observing and then I casually slip into the conversation and it's perfect.
Or some boilerplate line, right?
Right.
Maybe that's why people respond well to it, because it's not smooth.
And human beings are not smooth, frankly.
Yes.
Exactly.
Yeah, I didn't stand there.
I didn't pick up on their conversation.
I didn't find a way to jump in.
I just went and I kind of saw there there was a tiny little break.
Yeah.
And I just went for it because I didn't have any other ideas.
I love it.
Sometimes you just have to be vulnerable and be honest.
Yep.
Because everyone has been in that scenario.
Everyone has gone to a conference alone or some event alone, and they know exactly what it feels like.
So how do they respond to you, Michelle?
Yeah, so actually, they were really friendly.
And then they offered, they just said, Oh, come sit with us.
And then I, we were all sitting eating our food together.
And they were, they were really nice.
And then one, it was a man and a woman.
And then one of them, I ended up even she, so there was kind of this cocktail reception.
And then there was you sat down for a speaker and she ended up sitting behind me and we were talking more.
So it You know, it did give me that introduction and I did have people to talk to.
And it just I immediately thought of our listeners because I wanted to, you know.
We're always thinking, how do you jump in?
We've talked about this before.
And yeah, typically you would say, oh, listen in.
But this was just different.
And I think that's actually why it was effective because it was different.
Yeah.
Sometimes it's okay to do something different.
And it's important to do something early on, whether you listen and then you come in with something, a comment, or you do what you did, Michelle.
It's important to do this early in the event, because you build confidence, because you know you have like a core group of people that you're friendly with.
And then you exude kind of a different energy throughout the rest of the event, don't you think?
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
And also, you know, it would have been weird if I just stood there.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
For a really long time.
You know that's.
Another thing is when you are standing there in these situations.
You don't want to just stand there for 20 minutes.
You know, there's kind of a point at which it becomes like are we doing?
Are you gonna say something?
So um, this was just right in there.
I don't recommend this for all the time.
It's not.
It's not that this is now the new perfect strategy, but it was just interesting, and so i thought i wanted to share this story and then we could talk about what you know.
What does this teach us?
I mean lindsay, what do you think?
Oh man, there's so much here that we can learn.
I mean, don't be afraid to be creative and spontaneous.
Come in with a joke or just be direct like Michelle was.
Go for a hello, a handshake.
Kind of being honest is a great policy.
Right.
Yeah.
Right.
Exactly.
And again, like you said, Lindsay, everybody's been there.
We all.
It's a very universal feeling to be looking around the room and not knowing who you're going to talk to.
So it is it is showing that you're vulnerable and people appreciate that, I think.
And that's the other thing is it doesn't have to be perfect.
Right.
So it was awkward.
My opening was a little awkward.
I love it.
But you just have to rip the bandaid off.
Just go for it.
I mean, this is really, this message today really serves our overall philosophy of connection, not perfection.
True.
Because the point is we have to get the conversation going, right?
It doesn't really matter ultimately how you do it.
Okay.
Yes.
How you connect, what do you connect on after you start talking?
Right?
Yes.
Right.
You just have to get that over that hump of the initial hello.
And then you can start, you know, Talking more.
But yeah, also, I would say still consider the context.
So maybe you might if it was a very formal reception or a meeting, very, very formal.
Maybe it would have been a little too much.
What do you think?
Right, right.
Well, I think when we're wearing let's say we're wearing long ball gowns or something, or tuxedos with tails and all these things sometimes what we're wearing or things are we're carrying little China glasses or not China little, what is the word?
Like a champagne glass?
Champagne glasses or crystal glasses.
Crystal.
It can be.
We can change the way we interact because we automatically up-level everything in the way we speak.
Because it's just a fancier scenario.
So yeah, maybe that wouldn't have worked quite as well at a fancier ballroom dance or something.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I mean, Lindsay, do you think that you would try something like that?
Yeah, I think I like this.
I like this.
Yeah.
Especially, you know, if I'm just like especially, maybe at the end of a conference where maybe I've gone to like, this is like the third happy hour.
I'm just getting a little tired.
I just want to get a little bit.
Yeah, I just want to get the cover conversation started, you know, your guards down a little bit.
Um, but for sure I would, and I'm sure I have honestly.
Um, the point is start the conversation, right?
That's the point, right?
Yes.
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Okay, Michelle, so let's talk about some ways to jump into a group, right?
Yeah, some other ideas.
What else?
Yeah, so these are kind of the more, the less traditional ones, right?
Um, i mean, this one doesn't, this one is traditional.
But i'm just saying, if you just go in there with that confidence so just say hi, i'm michelle, nice to meet you, so say your name.
So if you just go right up you don't wait and just tie, you know, like don't i mean again if somebody's in the middle of speaking right at that moment, but just going for it, not having to find a opening, exactly perfect.
So the opening line essentially is introducing yourself.
And I use this a lot because it's very simple.
It's very straightforward.
That's why we're there to meet each other.
So the opening line is not something witty and perfectly timed and intellectual.
It's just, hi, my name's Lindsay.
It's very simple.
That's it.
Right?
Yes.
Or what else could you say?
You could say something like I'm new to this group, this conference or this is my first podcast conference.
This is my first TESOL conference.
I wanted to introduce myself.
Yes.
Yep.
I'm new here, basically.
Or one more thing you could do.
And this is just kind of a funny, a little bit, coming in with a sense of humor, is coming in and saying oh, you all look like a friendly group.
I'm and say your name.
Yeah, I love it.
And also, you know, just assuming that they're friendly is good, that they'll respond to that in a nice way.
And then you get started off in a positive direction.
Right.
They'll just probably say, oh, hey, that sounds good.
Right.
But some things to keep in mind.
Obviously, as we do this, we have to couple this with great body language, Michelle.
Right.
Things like standing up straight, making sure our shoulders are back.
We have good posture.
We're making eye contact.
Our kind of our chin is slightly up rather than down.
Right.
There are very subtle signs and cues that do point to confidence, or lack thereof, that we need to start that good conversation.
Right.
Right.
Exactly.
So speak confidently.
Use projection.
Project your voice and don't look scared.
Even if you are scared, don't look scared.
Because, again, these are for, you know, just these are less traditional.
These are you're just going in there.
You're just going for it.
So you have to match the way you look, and sound has to match what you're saying, or else it's going to seem I don't know.
It doesn't work.
Yeah, I mean, there was some research that came out from I think her name was Amy Cuddy.
She was a researcher that her work came out in the aughts.
But you talked about expanding your space.
And I use that trick sometimes if I'm starting to feel myself getting nervous or tightening up.
Just i try to like, just expand my physical space.
Um interesting, you know how however, that looks as much as like not in a ridiculous way, but very slight, subtle shifts.
Um, that can actually give you that slight boost of confidence as you continue that conversation.
I like that.
That's interesting.
I would uncross them and maybe put them out in front of me and use them to gesture, trying to think of other examples.
We'll have to do another episode on this, but see how you can expand your space as much as possible, right?
Stand up taller, that kind of thing.
Can send subtle cues more to your own brain than anyone else.
Yeah, interesting.
That is interesting.
I never heard about that, but I like that.
Yeah um, so let's show how this might look.
We're not going to use all of these, of course Um, but we're going to combine a couple.
Um so, in this role play, you are new at a conference and it's a welcome reception and I'm standing around laughing with people.
I know.
Yeah.
Right.
So great.
So great.
Sometimes I get jealous of people that go to conferences with their work colleagues because they have that built in group, you know.
But but then I feel bad because they're not necessarily meeting new people and expanding their networks either.
So it's a give and take.
All right, here we go.
Yes.
You all look like a friendly group.
I'm new to this conference and I wanted to introduce myself.
Oh, well, thank you.
I'd like to think we are.
You have to watch out for some of these guys, though.
I'm Michelle.
I'm Lindsay.
Nice to meet you, Lindsay.
Nice to meet you, too.
So which company are you from?
Yeah, and that's very typical.
You might see a lot of these groups where people all call, three of them come from the same company.
Very common, but they're still there to meet people and they know that.
And so people will be more friendly than usual at these events, right?
Right.
Versus you're somewhere where.
That's the point.
That's why you attended the event.
Yes, exactly.
So here you kind of combine two.
You said you all look like a friendly group.
And then you said, I'm new to this conference and I wanted to introduce myself.
Yes.
Beautiful.
Nice.
It's we don't need to overthink it.
Right.
And it is OK to be imperfect.
I think we'll have to get the word imperfect somewhere in the title here today, Michelle.
I love that.
Yeah.
But yeah, and then you can see I said, oh, you know, then I started joking around about it.
And, you know, things were very lighthearted and having a good time.
So I think it was very effective.
Yes, I love it.
So, Michelle, great topic today.
The point is, again, it's connection, not perfection.
And get that conversation started.
It really doesn't matter how you do it.
Okay.
I mean, I think that really is the takeaway for today.
Yeah, just get over that initial hump.
It's that, you know, it's just you got to drive through it.
Exactly.
Go for it.
Go, go, go, you know, go, go, go.
Love it.
And you'll start to feel better.
Yeah.
Thanks for sharing your story today.
I love it when our episodes are inspired by a true story, something that really happened to us out in the wild right.
Guys, go check out episode 479.
That is, are you logical or rational?
We're going to find out what the difference is between those two words.
And Michelle, what do we have coming up in the schedule very soon that our listeners must be ready for?
Well, coming up very soon. we are going to be getting more into pronunciation in a new course.
Yeah, we're going to be launching our brand new course.
We've been so busy this fall.
Our next new course comes out very, very soon, like in the next few days.
And this is on clear English pronunciation.
We're going to show you how...
English is actually a stress timed language, not a syllable time language.
And what that means.
If maybe you speak Spanish or Italian other languages that are more syllable time, you're going to have to change your thinking to speak clearly, right?
That's a huge deal.
So there's something for everyone in this course.
We're going to show you the heartbeat of English.
What is the rhythm?
What are the native secrets?
So go to get on the interest list.
Go to allersenglish.com slash pronunciation and you'll be sure to get an email from us.
Excellent.
Super exciting.
All right, Lindsay.
Well, thank you so much for listening to my story today and talking it through with me.
And guys, I hope this helps.
Excellent.
Sounds good, Michelle.
I'll talk to you very soon.
Have a good day.
All right.
Bye.
All right.
Bye.
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