This is the Business English Podcast, episode 270.
What to say in the elevator at work.
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today by searching IKEA Business Network. Hey Aubrey, what's shaken?
Not much. I actually have a question about what's shaken. I'm wondering, would you say that to
someone in an elevator? If so, who? Who would you say that to? I probably wouldn't. I think that's
a term that is playful. You and me and Michelle and me, we've developed a rapport. All of us,
we've developed rapports on this show. I use that in a fun, it's not offensive, it's not rude,
but it's very friendly and very playful and very familiar. It's a trademark of this show a little bit.
I probably wouldn't, unless, yeah, probably not. That's kind of a show. I love that.
You guys are right. You'd say to me, to Michelle, but pretty much anybody else, you might not,
you'd probably say something else. Or maybe to our listeners. Sometimes our listeners will
write to us and I'll see, they'll say, hey, what's shaken? And I love that. That's so fun,
because it tells me you guys are listening and connecting with us, but it's kind of specific.
So there are better things we could say, right? Depending on who you run into. Yeah.
Especially where when we're thinking about being on an elevator, you're going to be stuck
there for a few minutes. You probably need some conversation starters, but they'll be very different
if it's a supervisor or a client versus someone you know well, right? We are going to change what
we say, depending on who's on the elevator. There's a lot of social norms around elevators that
are fascinating to me. When I was in high school, I took a sociology class and the assignment was
to break a social norm in person. You can do this online, right? This is not the day that Facebook
wasn't around. This is not a thing. Okay. So what I did, I chose to go to the grocery store and buy
like a hundred oranges instead of one orange. Just just act normal and see and this time it was to
observe how people acted around you. But one of the other things that some people did was walk into
an elevator with many people in it facing forward and stand and face them. That's a good one.
I didn't get some looks that people would just avoid eye contact. Oh my god, you can imagine how
people felt. So we have these norms that just exist around us and we don't even realize it, but
we're participating in the social scripts of what we're supposed to face forward in an elevator,
don't face each other. So that just comes to mind when I think about elevators. And elevators can
be especially tricky because there will often be strangers. There often will be people you don't
know at all listening to your conversation. You're all in very close quarters. So that also will
affect what you say. Oh my god, it's good stuff. So this is inspired by a great question from one of
our lovely students in our courses, Max, right? Yes. Exactly. Let's read that question. We're going to
answer it. And I feel like this is very related to what you say when you're in an elevator. So I'm
excited to dive into this. All right. So Max said, Highlands, it was a pleasure talking with you and
Aubrey at the fluency party. Yes. When Max attended our fluency party last month. Fantastic. Yes.
I just want to tell you that it was super fun. And it was amazing to have the opportunity to hear
well-known voices from the podcast. I really enjoy your way of teaching English. You are all
marvelous. Guys, this is what you get now when you join any course of all those English. You become,
you get on the invitation list to our monthly fluency parties. And I'll be honest, they are so fun,
right? We are in there. You're meeting speaking partners. We play a fun game. We're getting deep
with our conversations. I love these fluency parties. I love meeting you guys. It's so cool because
we talked to you guys five days a week on this podcast, but we want you to talk back. We want to
talk to you. Exactly. So get in a course to be invited to that. All right. Max says, by the way,
I have a question that you can use as a topic for the podcast if it will fit. How can I reply to
how are things going? Greetings. If currently everything in my life is a disaster without causing
awkwardness and without putting on other people in obligation to ask why should I lie or pretend
that everything is okay. Best regards. Max from Poland. Yeah. I hear you, Max. I hear you.
Yes. This is tricky because sometimes you it's hard to when things are going really terribly to just
say, yeah, fine. This happened to me this week, honestly. Jessica and I were recording. She's like,
how's it going? And I couldn't just say great because something rough had happened for my daughter
at school. She missed a very important exam. And I was like, honestly, not great. Yeah.
The average person that day who asked me how I was doing, I said, fine, because they're really just
saying, hello, usually when they say how are things going? Yeah. I know what you mean, though. It's hard
to, if it's just someone passing, it's fine. But if it's someone, you know, it's hard to grin and
grin and say everything's okay. You want to be able to say a little bit of what's actually going
on, right? And so answer will really be different depending on who's asking. You're only going to
want to be honest, especially if things are going terribly. If you're up for sharing details,
because like Max said, if he doesn't want someone to have an obligation to ask why, you need to just
say, fine, I'm great. Because if you say terrible things that they are going to feel like they need
to ask why, for sure, yes, exactly. At least in the US, that's a given. And so it would be rude, not to.
Yeah. And so I think the example of sharing with a coworker, a colleague, you know, you and Jessica
know each other well, you work together very closely on the podcast, the Isle's energy podcast,
which by the way, listeners should definitely check out. Yes. Absolutely right. Same place. You
get this podcast search Isle's energy. Just can I have a lot of fun over there? And you're right.
We have become friends and co-workers to where I feel comfortable. I didn't go into a ton of
detail, but the average even friend that I don't know as well, if we're passing each other on a
walk, they're walking their dog, how's it going? I'm not going to stop and share all those details.
Exactly. I mean, maybe that's not something you would have shared in the first two weeks of working
together, but you've gotten to know each other more. You've built the relationship. There's a safety
there. And so it makes sense to share something like that with a coworker. So where does the elevator
conversation come in here today? Up, right? Yeah. So this is interesting because imagine you jump on
an elevator and you see someone and they say, how are things going? Yeah. Maybe there are other
people on the elevator. Maybe they're not. Would you ever, Lindsay, if things were going terribly in
your life like Max's question, would you ever share? And if so, who would you share with?
Just a close friend or family member, I probably would be very, very few people I would.
I might hint at things through a tone of voice change. It's okay. I'm doing it. Yeah.
It's all right. You know, that kind of thing in tone of voice, but I would move on. I wouldn't go
into any details. Exactly. And even with a close friend, it's interesting because the elevator we
have limited time. You know, it's not like we've gone to a mall or imagining sort of a workplace
setting here, of course, where we're on the elevator. Maybe we're going to our cars. I think even
with a very close friend, let me know if you agree, Lindsay, that I probably would say like,
it's kind of rough. And then ask them maybe to make a, you know, to meet for drinks sometime to
talk about it. Yeah. Because someone might jump on the elevator on the next floor. And if I've
started sharing these personal details, that might be awkward if I have to cut off the conversation.
Yeah. This is kind of a sense of discipline and discreteness. And you know, what do they talk
about? A good artist knows how to pull back and not add too much to a canvas. It's the same thing
in conversation, right time, right place. What if that person is, you know, you work for the same
company, but you work for a huge company, six levels of the elevator floor. They have a meeting,
they have to go to the presenting something. But then they're in an awkward position. They're
trying to jump off the elevator and hear you and make you heard, but then they have to go. No.
Maybe not the right time, right? Exactly. But it's interesting to think about these elevator
conversations because you have to say something. And often you're going to be there for several minutes.
And what you say is really going to change depending on if it's a supervisor or a client,
a good friend. So we want to share some phrases, some conversation starters. And you know,
how they will be different depending on who you're talking to. It is kind of interesting.
It's like abbreviated conversations. And you have a tie, you have a little, a time piece. When you
play game, you know, you put the time piece, you have a certain amount of time that you can actually.
So these are kind of how to abbreviate a conversation a little bit too. Is what we're going to need to
play. Yeah. Each of these will share phrases and a role play right after. So you can see how
these role plays look different depending on who you're talking to. Okay. Number one is talking
to a close friend, right? Or someone you've worked with for a long time, you feel comfortable with,
you would hang out with them socially, right? Yes. So you might say, honestly, I've been better,
but I'm hanging in there. Yes. Okay. So that's like not spilling your guts. Right. Exactly. And
if they, you know, if they're saying like, oh, sorry to hear it, what's going on, then rather than
going into it, you could say, I would actually love to meet for coffee this week. If you know,
I could really use a shoulder to cry on. Very succinct, right? Smart. It's simple. It's pulled back.
Love it. Or it's been a rough week, but I'm managing. I like both of these. How they end on that
positive note. We're admitting like, you know what? It's tough. But I say like, I'm hanging in
there. I'm managing because you're still both at work. Like you said, they might have a presentation
right away. So there's a different situation where we kind of can't get into all of our emotions here.
Of course. And don't forget conversation is the two way street. So you also let's imagine the
timepiece ticking down. You have, let's say you have a, you have a 35 seconds max and an elevator.
What about going back to them? How are you doing? It's not about dominating the comfort, just because
something big is going on. You want to build a flip back and say, oh, how are you? What's going on
with you? Right? Absolutely. Right. I'm hanging in there. What about you? Flip into them. Yes.
I love it. And then depending on their response, right? That's where you might make a plan to meet up
and chat or just move along if they, you know, lots of friends might not be the person that you share
emotions with. And that's okay. Okay. Let's see what happens here. We are on the elevator. You are on
the elevator. And I get on and we're good friends. Okay. Yes. But we're at work. We're friends,
but we're at work. Are we co-workers or yes, we're co-workers, but good friends like you and I,
me and Jessica, right? Where we know each other very well. Yes. But yeah, we're still at work on
an elevator. Here we go. Hello. How are things going? Hey, Lindsay. I've been better, honestly.
Oh, no. I'm sorry to hear it. What's going on? I found out my grandmother's in the hospital. I'm
having a hard time with my teenagers. It's just everything. Oh, no. I'm so sorry to hear it. What
a meet this week for a drink and have a chat. I'd love that. Nice. That's always nice when the person
extends that instead of you having to like ask or say, I'd love to meet with you or that's true.
Right. And we're very, we know each other very well or I wouldn't be sharing this, right?
Yes. So we definitely have the right, we have met for drinks. We have met, we've hung out socially
clearly. So this is definitely the most personal, the most intimate of all of the roleplays you're
going to see where this is what you should do, right? If you have that relationship, like meet
later, make a time to meet later, rather than going into it on the elevator, you'll only have a few
minutes. Exactly. So our answer for Max is really unfolding here, it really depends on the
relationship, right? Exactly. And this first scenario is, I would say it's probably more friendship
than colleagues, right? We've crossed into friendship and the next scenario is going to be just colleagues.
But we're going to take a quick break. That's definitely a coworker that you have hung out with
socially. You know them very well. Yes. It's a different situation. Okay.
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Okay, Avery, we're back for situation number two. Purely a colleague or a coworker, right?
Exactly. Right? So you work together, you know each other well, but you haven't hung out socially,
you're not good friends. Exactly. So what would we say here? So you might, if they ask you,
you know how everything's doing, doing all right, how are you? And I love like you said,
Lindsay immediately turning it to them. You don't have to say I'm great. You don't have to lie and say
I'm amazing. You can say, doing all right. How are you? That's an interesting strategy when you,
things aren't great and you can't really sugar code it instead just kind of go back to them.
Let them talk about their lives. It's a great strategy. Yeah, these are honest and yeah, and they
might even realize like, okay, they're not saying they're great, but that's okay. We're not, we don't
have a kind of relationship where, you know, maybe this person doesn't want to know. Exactly. And
there's a lot here in the tone of voice, which is something I hinted at earlier. This next one,
there's a lot we could do here, right? So why don't you ask me out, we'll respond, we'll make
this one a little role play. How are things going? Well, you know, life, how are you? Okay. So,
yeah, exactly right. You're being honest. You're letting me know like, and sometimes like we said,
when things really are going terribly, it's hard to be like, I'm great. Yeah. You're going to
feel insincere. Yeah. And I might have put a little too much into the how are you, a little too
much energy, energy for the tone on my end of what's going on. So I can say, you know, life, how are
you? Okay. Just slightly bringing that down just a notch. Okay. Let's do this in a role play as well.
I like what you're saying about the tone. I like, you know, switching this to them asking how they
are because you're sort of being honest that things aren't perfect, but you're, you're giving this
very subtle indication that you don't want to go into it or they probably won't want to go into it
by asking about you. How are you? It's very subtle, but you're making it quite clear that you don't
want to talk about your life. Yeah. Exactly. Not the time. Yeah. You're on the elevator. Okay. So,
in this role play, you're on the elevator and I'm your new coworker. So we don't know each other
well. I get on. All right. I'll start us out. Hi. How's it going? Doing all right. How are you?
I'm great. Finally feeling settled in. Oh, that's good to hear. Are you coming to Happy Hour
Friday? Yes. I'm excited. Nice. Okay. So this is good. We do. We're getting through the day.
Right. And are we assuming maybe something's going on on my end? Not so good. Is that? I think
it's good, right? You're not saying, I'm fantastic. I'm great. Right. Okay.
I'm just doing all right. A lot of people are this honest with people they don't know very well.
Right. They want to feel sincere, but just say doing all right. How are you?
You know. And it really does get the message across because let's imagine the snare
have flipped and I'm doing great. Like things are awesome. Let's say I just won the lottery or
something. I wouldn't say doing all right. Exactly. Right. So really by saying doing all right,
you are saying not so great. It's clear. Yes. That's okay. Right. It's okay to be honest. This is
very important. I think in US culture that we can be honest with our words. The tone is important.
We don't have to lie and say I'm amazing. I'm fantastic. But we also can share something in this
way that makes it clear that like don't need to talk about it. Yeah. So I think that a lot of
people have an idea about American culture that we always say everything's great. Things are
wonderful. Fantastic. It's not always true. We have subtle way, very, very subtle ways of
communicating. Maybe we're not going to go into it, but there's things with our tone of voice with
how many words we use literally, how long we speak that show things are not okay, but it's not
really going to be opened up. And this is building a connection between these two people. They're
new co-workers. That still sends the message that you're being honest about things not being super
amazing. We don't have the relationship yet to talk about it. But I think that's still creating
this bond of like, okay, this person's being honest with me about things aren't amazing.
Yeah. We can be honest without going into all this detail. It's not required for the elevator
context or the professional context. Wow. This is a good episode today. I agree. I love this.
Okay. Our last one. If it is a supervisor or a client, right? It will be a little different.
Even more important. You don't have to say fantastic. You could say, doing well, how are you?
Or I love this to say busy. How are you doing? Right. So this one clearly, we're showing no sign.
Right. I think that's fantastic. We're not saying fantastic. Right. So yeah. So, but it's kind of
like irrelevant. A little bit. Right. Still. Yeah. Our personal lives, maybe our personal lives are
there's a big issue going on, but it's irrelevant to the client and the business scenario. Right.
Exactly. So my tone of voice and the choice of well as opposed to what I say in the other one,
doing all right. What was it? Oh yeah, doing all right. Right. It was number two. As opposed to
doing well, how are you? Yes. And this is still honest, right? Even if things are going
terribly like we're still doing well, it's all right. You know what I mean? We're not. It could
always be worse. I love that. We're doing well as far as this exchange is concerned. Right.
Exactly. And if you really want to be honest, I like busy. Busy. How are you doing?
Right. I don't know how you are doing. Right. Right. There could be a lot hiding under that busy.
Yeah. And you know, you know what you're talking about, but they don't have to know. Right.
And there's a bonus here, especially if it's a supervisor. They love to hear that you're busy.
This is a great response. That's good. Better than the alternative for sure. Right. Right. Right.
Yeah. Not much going on. Yeah. Right. Um, good. Okay. Roll play time. This is fun. So same.
I'm on the elevator and you're going to be my boss. Not much of a stretch in this Lindsay. Right.
Let us start us out. All right. Here we go. All right. Hey, Aubrey. How are you? Busy. How are you?
You're really good. I'm excited for the conference next week. Yeah. Me too. It's going to be great.
I've never been to Cincinnati. Have you? Yeah. So you can tell there's a more even tone going on here.
A more professional, I think with professional work related. Exactly. There's some kind of evenness going on.
There's not as much of the up and down. Right. It's real. And just saying busy. Right. I don't have to lie.
But I don't have to, you know, you don't have to share how you're doing. And in US culture, depending on the
relationship, you won't necessarily. And it's kind of funny the way you say it's like, I'm great.
Busy. Right. Busy. You're kind of saying it as if you're surprised. So maybe that's where it lies.
The challenge is when I had, I'm great in this roleplay guys, but I eliminated it. And I just said
busy because I realized like, I don't want to lie. If I'm assuming things are actually going
terribly, I like that to just say busy. Right. Because it could be fine. But you know that you're
busy because there's something not so great going on. So it's not disingenuous. Exactly. Right.
And we're keeping it work related, right, with a client with it. And then we jump to something
interesting. We've got a few minutes here. These are great conversation starters asking about
the conference talking about where it's going to be. This is perfect. Yeah. I think this episode
is so cultural. Yes. It's going to and but I do think I want to bust the stereotype that Americans
are are fake. I think there is kind of a stereotype that we're always especially in greetings.
There are very subtle ways that we communicate that maybe things aren't going as well. Listen
for those subtleties. Yes. I love that as a takeaway. Recognize that that will be there, but that
it's very much you need to think about the relationship and the situation. This, you know, Max's
Conta or a question here. There's actually a lot to it because it really depends on where you are
who you're talking to. Wow. There is so much here. If there's a follow up question guys that you
have let us know send it to support at allersenglish.com. We'll get it to the to the right place. And we will
love to answer that question. I also am curious. I think we're going to have to do an interesting
poll here today, Aubrey, about cross culturally. How much permission in different cultures do we
have to share? You know what I mean? It's self disclosure. To be honest. Yeah. You have to hide.
That's interesting. I'm not sure how we're going to word that question, but guys, check out the
question and Spotify and participate in our polls. All right. Love it. It's awesome. Okay.
All right, Michelle. Oh my gosh. Okay. You had the first time today guys. That's amazing.
It's amazing. That's not happened much anymore. All right. You have a good day. I'll talk to you soon,
Aubrey. You do. See you next time. Bye. Thank you for listening to Business English. A podcast
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