This is the Business English Podcast, Episode 174, How to Nail the Handshake in American Business Culture.
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Hi, Lindsay. How are you? Hey, Aubrey. I'm feeling good.
Glad to be on Business English today. We are getting into handshakes today.
Is that right? Yes, we are. Right. Handshakes sort of went away during COVID.
People were careful not to touch each other's hands.
Right. And for a while in the U.S., people were thinking they were gone forever.
But what do you think, Lindsay? Do you think they're back? impossible they're back I think they're back fully and it was honestly in hindsight kind of silly for us to think that such a long tradition of probably hundreds of years would have been gone after just because a lot of things are back that we I think in a way we've forgotten about a lot of things in the after the pandemic you know yeah it was really interesting how many changes we thought were permanent I remember thinking you know there were sort of like six or eight feet between each person in a line for a while during covid and i thought that would stay i was like people are never gonna crowd together in a line it's always gonna be because i'm like oh i like the space i don't mind this i was like i think this will stay yeah no it did not i wasn't sure if masks would stay i mean i see in other countries i see masks being worn regularly like pre-pandemic before the pandemic i saw that in japan for example when people were sick wearing a mask but in the u.s they really haven't stayed And some of that might be about air quality too, right?
As well as disease. But in the U.S., masks are gone.
I rarely see anyone wearing a mask, at least for now.
No, they're gone. They're gone. But it's weird how things have changed so much.
But before we get into this, so we're talking about handshakes.
The best way to do it, the way to do it right, what you could do wrong here.
But first, what do we want to request that our listeners do, Aubrey?
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All right, so we have a question right on this topic today from Eduardo.
I'm going to go ahead and read it. Are you ready?
Yes, go ahead. Okay. My name is Eduardo.
I'm from Brazil and it is a pleasure to talk to you.
This is so great. I started listening to your podcast in 2022 and I have not stopped since then.
Aubrey, that's amazing. That's truly amazing.
We love you, Eduardo. We love our listeners. you have very interesting content it's exciting waking up every morning and listening to you the best podcast ever wow thank you eduardo i agree yeah we work hard on this show so we love that you love it so our eduardo asked a lot of questions about american culture and we have a list of them we'll get to them in other episodes but this particular one today that we're focusing on was when we meet should we shake hands should we kiss on the face or should we hug Okay.
Yes. And he's asking specifically about American culture because this is very different in every country, right, Lindsay?
Yes. It absolutely is so different. Oh my gosh.
And it's also very different depending on who you're greeting.
If it's outside of work with friends or family, right, it very much depends on the relationship.
You might greet, you're definitely going to greet friends and family different than you would a new client or colleague at work.
So it also is about thinking about the relationship, what's appropriate. interesting so we're going to get into a lot of nuances today what we're carrying over from before the pandemic and and to where should we start today aubry where are we so in many cultures you know eduardo asked about a kiss on the face this is very common in many cultures in french-speaking countries that i've been to very common the bizou right a kiss on the cheek and depending on where you were sometimes it was both cheeks sometimes it was four They're like waiting for a little while.
So it was a little difficult for me to adjust coming from American culture where we're often much less physical with our greetings.
And this would be people I didn't know, like I'd meet someone's grandma.
First time I'm meeting them, four kisses on the cheeks, right?
Totally. Yeah. No, I had the same experience in South America, Argentina.
Oh, yes. Yes. Was it difficult for you to adjust to that or were you like fine with it right away?
I liked it after a while. There was an adjustment period.
And then I realized this is cool. You know what I mean?
This is human connection. I liked it. So I kind of miss it.
I kind of wish we could bring these zoos to the United States.
Yeah, it's nice. I agree. What else? But the question is, you know, at work.
So before COVID in the U.S., it was always a handshake.
Right. This was very standard at work. You cannot go wrong when you first meet someone or even if you know someone well, when you first see them, when you greet them in a meeting to give them a good handshake.
And would you say, you know, like we were saying, people thought COVID killed handshakes, but, you know, it's back.
We're seeing people shake hands. Lindsay, what about when you went to a podcasting conference recently?
Were people shaking hands? Yeah, and I'm trying to remember, it's interesting.
I did definitely shake some hands for sure.
I think maybe when it's across generations, like I think I probably found myself shaking hands with people that are maybe older.
Whereas, you know, if I met someone who is more my age at my level in the professional world, maybe less so.
Does that make sense? Oh, that's interesting.
Yes. Because it is, it always has been a way to show respect.
So anyone who is older, I definitely am like, I'm going to give them that good handshake.
It feels very polite, but my age or younger, I, you know, I could very well just be like, Hey, nice to meet you.
Like maybe kind of a little wave. I wouldn't always feel like I need to shake their hand.
Yeah, that's a little bit of the vibe that I'm remembering from the podcast conference.
So yeah, yeah, I would echo that. Aubrey.
That's like the third time today I've done that.
I can't even believe it. Oh, what is happening?
Maybe it's my hair. Do I look like Michelle today?
No. Yeah. So anyway, just interesting to think about if you work in the United States, right?
It isn't just like, oh, everyone at work you're going to shake hands with.
It really is a vibe you need to read. And we need to also be careful, I think, to not be offended if someone doesn't shake our hand, especially if it's someone our age or younger, they might not.
They might be like, hi, nice to meet you.
And it might have something to do with COVID and wanting to not spread germs.
And it just might be like not they just don't love shaking hands.
Who knows? Yeah. Don't take it personal.
Don't take it as an affront on your professional reputation or whether they respect you.
There could be a lot going on in their heads, right?
When they decide whether or not to reach out their hand.
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So do we have any tips then on what makes a good handshake?
If we know that yes, the handshake is back, we may want to employ it at times, right?
Yes. Right. So if you feel like if someone reaches out their hand for a handshake, you're going to want to give them, I mean, that it is quite rude if someone puts their hand out for a handshake and you just say like, forgive me if I don't shake hands.
Or just like put your head, say, oh no, you know, give some excuse.
I would say err on the side of just giving a good handshake.
And then as soon as possible, go wash your hands if you're very concerned about it, because it can seem very rude to refuse a handshake when it's offered. yeah totally and i think you know focus on the connection right there are germs going around everywhere all over you know and so let's not worry about it so much let's focus on making that eye contact because if you are worried about spreading germs or something as you're shaking hands they're going to notice that they're going to feel that you're trying to pull back so try to be present as much as you can That's what I love that advice.
It can definitely break the connection. If that you know, if you're that worried about spreading during maybe you shouldn't be at a conference.
I don't know. It's just tricky. Like, if you're going somewhere where people are going to be shaking hands, you've got to be willing to give those handshakes or there is a good chance you could lose those connections not build your network.
There could be negative repercussions. You want to avoid that?
Yeah. So what should we know when it comes to doing a good handshake, Aubrey?
Yeah. So if you've ever shaken someone's hand, you guys know there are sort of lots of different ways to do it.
And some really, it's a first impression that can be negative.
If it's either too firm, too strong. I have had people shake my hand and I thought they were going to break my wrist.
Like it's so strong. And I'm like, what are you trying to, are you trying to send a message of like overpowering or i don't know that they're just not realizing how hard they're gripping my hand and then the opposite as well could be problematic right oh yeah for sure i'm not sure which is worse probably the weak the weak handshake is what i've experienced more and it just feels terrible right to be on the receiving end of that it's not good it doesn't that's not good either right if if it's like a very weak handshake or if they hold your hand too long these are really social skills to to know how to do the right handshake to give a good impression and today we found a really great article to give you some tips for the perfect handshake okay i love the first one aubrey i'm going to say this one right away because i like it stand up right away So if someone, this is a good example.
At conferences, for example, people are always interacting in the hallway.
That's really where you make your connections.
You're running off to a session or you're about to go to your panel and someone else is sitting in the hall on their laptop, catching up on work, this kind of thing.
So there's a lot of asynchronous movements, right?
You're sitting down, they're standing up.
This happens a lot. And so, yeah, if someone reaches out their hand to shake your hand, you need to stand up.
Yes. And I think we've all made that mistake of shaking someone's hand from sitting and realizing I should have stood up.
And then you stand up, you're like, that didn't feel great.
It's funny, we didn't talk about hugging.
We don't really, in general, hug at work or at conferences, like the handshake is optimal. but if it's like a friend or a family member i've also made the mistake of they come to hug me and i'm sitting and i'm like oh this is so awkward i should have just really awkward too for the hug yeah it just gives them some respect and puts you at the same physical plane level so you can deliver a better handshake What else, Aubrey?
So stand up. Oh, and I wanted to share really quick.
We're going to share the next point here.
I just wanted to share the article these came from.
It's CBS News. And it was written by Jeff Wagner in March 2023.
It was just called, What is the Importance of a Handshake?
Does it still hold the same weight as it used to?
So that'd be an interesting article to read for an interesting discussion about like, are handshakes as important now as they were before COVID?
But basically the conclusion they come to is like, yes, we're still shaking hands.
It really gives a strong message, a strong impression.
And then they had these great tips for what to do to make sure that you give a good, good handshake.
But it's kind of interesting now, though, if you think about technology, if you meet someone and they're a well-known person in your industry, you may already kind of know of them due to LinkedIn, due to technology.
So are they as important as they were before?
I think they're important on the interpersonal level.
How do you feel around this person? Are they confident?
Do we connect? Can we do business? But in terms of the whole person as a business professional, there might be other signals we can get now that we couldn't get before.
Yeah, that's true. And I do feel like that's sort of evolving with the next generation coming up.
Like you said, I'd be more likely to shake the hand of someone older than me.
As you know, Gen Z, Gen X enters the business world, they might not always shake hands.
Hmm. Very interesting. Interesting. Yeah.
What else? Oh, yeah. The second tip here.
So first was stand up. And the second was to face the person shoulder to shoulder.
And this you'd will sometimes see people shake hands or if they're next to each other and they kind of halfway turn.
And that's always a little awkward. So like just move to where you're shoulder to shoulder to get the good handshake.
So squared up kind of is what you mean, right?
Okay. I like that. Okay. And then the next tip is make eye contact and smile sincerely.
Well, that's It should be obvious, but it's not always.
You would think this would be, but I have shaken people's hands where it's like, they're maybe looking for the next person to talk to.
They're not giving me full attention. Oh, that is the worst.
Oh, I have absolutely gotten that vibe before at a networking event when it's like, okay, I know you don't want to talk to me.
You want to talk to that person behind me or my coworker or something.
Fine. I get it. Just walk away then, right?
It's better than half talking to me. It's the worst.
Yeah. terrible and if you guys find yourselves in that situation at least like make that eye contact get a good handshake you can make an excuse pretty quickly and move on no problem in a respectful way right there are very rude ways to do this and there are respectful ways to do this Yeah, for sure.
And we shouldn't say that making eye contact is obvious because it's quite cultural, right?
I think nowadays we might be more on the same page globally about the importance of about the benefits of eye contact, let's say, for connection.
But historically, I think in a lot of cultures, you wouldn't make eye contact necessarily directly with someone that was above you in a hierarchy. right so it's not that obvious it depends on how how long have we been working internationally how much traveling do we do so i would say in american business culture it is really important and basic yes absolutely and you can make eye contact with anyone regardless of their position above or below you like everyone would make eye contact and give them a good handshake That's an important point to say.
Right. So I think hierarchies are not as strong here as they are in some cultures.
Right. And certainly for eye contact and shaking hands, you can do that with anyone.
Yes, exactly. Right. The hierarchy is there as far as maybe salary and power, but not as far as like physically how you would respond to someone.
100 percent. OK. Any other great tips here?
Yeah. So this is interesting too, because, you know, of course you're going to extend out your arm and your hand with the thumb pointed up and your palm flat.
You've seen someone kind of, if you're, you know, you just have the hand there or if they've already done it, then you just meet their hand.
And then it's really key to have a firm grip, but not overpowering.
I think it's possible that out there are people listening who give like a really firm, strong handshake thinking, oh, this is giving a good impression.
You're hurting my hand. Yeah. That's happened to me a lot.
I'm like, okay, that's more than we need here.
Yeah. People might have a different idea of what's firm, right?
Different people. Yeah. It's hard. It's like you can grip it so that it's not weak, but you don't need to squeeze hard, which some people do.
I don't understand. Yeah. Try to fall somewhere in the middle.
Just do your very best and i think there is there's an interpersonal thing that's happening and so you should see something in their eyes if you're if it's too hard they should be pulling back and and then notice that right it's all about paying attention and sometimes i will make a comment kind of try to make light of it make fun i'll be like ouch wow you got a real grip there right and they're like oh sorry because i think sometimes people don't realize they're just not intentional probably probably Yes, another important one here is to shake with your elbow.
If you have a tendency to shake with your wrist, this is kind of a weaker handshake.
So make sure you're shaking with sort of your whole arm bending at the elbow.
Yeah, they call us the dead fish, which is the thing they always tell you not to do, right?
Avoid being a dead fish, a limp fish. Yes.
And what's the last tip, Aubrey? Yeah, this last one is just about how long you want to just shake.
You move two to three times max and then release.
I do see sometimes it'll be like, oh, way too long.
I'm like, mm-mm-mm. sometimes they'll witness conversations right and people will be like they're they're still shaking and i'm wondering what are they thinking are they wondering how to get out of it how do i get out of this i can't get out it's so interesting it's it's really crazy how there's so much that goes into a good handshake and you might not have thought about this much So I think this is really good just to be aware, right?
Greetings are very cultural in the US. You want to be ready to give a handshake.
If you work internationally, it's vital that you're ready and that you can give one that gives a good impression.
Yeah. And I think the best thing to do, especially if you're new to international work, maybe you've just relocated to the U.S. from somewhere in Asia, for example, just observe, you know, observe your coworkers, go to these events.
Maybe you're kind of hanging back for the first event and watching people shake each other's hands and greet each other.
Right. Then you learn that way. That's how we learn, Aubrey.
Exactly. Absolutely. Right. And if you have a friend who is American, it wouldn't hurt to like ask and be like, OK, give me a handshake.
Show me how you do it. Right. Because it's easy for us to describe how to do this, but like get a couple of good handshakes.
A little practice. Yeah, I know. We're not above that.
We're not above the practice. I like it.
It's a great idea. All right, guys. So go ahead and hit follow on Business English and we will see you in the next episode.
Aubrey, you have a nice day. I'll talk to you soon.
You too. See you next time. Bye. Thank you for listening to Business English, a podcast just for you, the high achieving global professional.
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