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This is Roundtable. You're listening to Roundtable.
I'm your only enjoying by Lee and Dingheng coming up.
The launch of the country's first marriage-related undergraduate major has made headlines here in China.
This program is designed to address modern challenges and relationships and family dynamics.
Stay tuned as we look into the necessity, curriculum, and potential impact of this major on students and society.
And Roundtable shares with you how you can win any argument with three little words.
Now this September 2024 civil affairs university in China is rolling out the red carpet for students in rolling in China's first-ever bench-less degree in marriage service and management.
Whether it's a ticket to becoming a top-notch matchmaker and marriage guru in China's evolving love landscape or just an expensive way to get into a niche industry, I want to ask both of you this question.
But after we talk about what exactly is this new major, it's about what exactly does it teach?
Sure. Well, this major is called Marriage Services and Management.
This can be a little bit far-fetched for people who are not familiar with it because your immediate response would be, it should be those couples who manage their own marriage.
But this major is actually about providing professional marriage services.
And when you look at the specific purpose of why this university and civil affairs university are trying to launch this new major, they're just trying to provide both theoretical knowledge and also practical skills required for a career or profession in this marriage services sector, such as marriage registration management, marriage and family counseling
and wedding project planning and also design developments of marriage and day-to-day products.
And some specific courses include management and sociology, marriage and family culture, family ethics, marriage industry, economics and management and also marriage services and new media communication.
And for those students who major in this marriage services and management, they got to use and accomplish their both thesis and practical project if they want to graduate.
For example, if you specialize in wedding planning, then you got to plan and organize a real creative wedding show before graduation.
And for those who still feel a little bit bizarre about this new major, actually this university civil affairs university is a school and the Ministry of Civil Affairs of People's Republic of China.
So it really makes sense of why this university is trying to launch this service at this major because actually all its majors are related to civil affairs, from birth to marriage also to death funeral, these are all majors they're trying to cover.
So that's a little bit of background knowledge.
It's actually very important because actually over its 60 year history, it has trained over 300,000 skilled professionals and civil affairs workers earning a reputation as the place for civil affairs talent that you need to go to.
So it's kind of like a professional or vocational skills, but it has a bachelor's degree and it's very practical.
That is why many people after hearing the news that this university is rolling out this new major, they started to ask questions to the management of the university asking, this is a new major.
So I do not have any reference of previous years.
So if I am taking the college entrance examination, taking the gaukau here in China and I want to sign up, register for your major, do I need to be having a really high score and all these questions actually popped out on the social media platforms of this university, showcasing how popular this major is currently for at least this batch of students trying to get into
this university or into universities in general.
So we do see a general increasing trend in people's needs when it comes to, for example, getting married with wedding ceremonies.
We've talked about wedding ceremonies here on roundtable several times, different types, very innovative ones.
And I think the general, what general conclusion for that show is that if you want to have a wedding ceremony that is up to your standard, that is customized to your love story, then you need to put a lot of effort, a lot of thought in it.
You cannot solely rely on those so-called professionals.
Do you think this kind of conclusion will change since we now have real professionals graduated from this major and they are supposed to be able to help us with that need?
Yeah, because when we talk about marriage, this is something closely related to our economic and social landscape.
Because people could have various demands about marriage, including their wedding ceremony, I guess those relevant industries really need to keep up with the changing times.
This is where a marriage major in universities can help in terms of cultivating the right kind of talents for this industry.
That's for sure. You know, wedding is...
Do you worry personalized?
Yeah, for those of us who have experienced it in person, right?
It is pretty much complicated.
It's not something that a person of law can deal with.
You're now very optimistic, are you?
I mean, we need to acknowledge the complexities of marriage.
Yes, it is. Even I am having doubt on this front is because I feel like those young graduates, they are not married.
They didn't have plan...
Well, they didn't plan their own wedding.
Can I really trust them to plan my wedding?
Well, I think that really depends on what kind of skills you're expecting from their services.
Because sometimes you...
I mean, as a personnel working in this wedding planning industry, you do need to have this very accurate and subtle observation about marriage, about the relation between this couple, I mean, the client who comes to you.
But meantime, there are also some specific drops that need your expertise, that you need to simply accomplish that task to a very good level.
I'm saying this because according to my own experience of organizing and preparing for my wedding, it's such a complex.
It's complicated. And also, I was a miserable experienced because I find it's quite hard for you to find a wedding planner who is satisfying for me.
And according to my own research, there are about 48,000 wedding planner here in China, according to by 2023.
But when I was preparing for my wedding, I was like, I can hardly find one that, you know, satisfy my needs.
So I'm just saying that, you know, also, you know, based on our previous observation and discussion about, you know, what kind of wedding are young people looking for.
I mean, there are different diversified demands coming from this consumer side.
And each couple want different wedding.
And so that's why I think, you know, for some tasks, you do need, you know, sort of creative minds.
But, you know, for that part, you also need huge involvement of, you know, couples themselves.
But meantime, for those services sector, you do need professional people who, you know, try to, you know, make this whole wedding preparation, a planning, you know, process more reliable.
Yeah, because nowadays when we talk about wedding, new forms of wedding are emerging as well.
For example, wedding together or so called group wedding.
This is not necessarily something new in China.
I guess I heard about it and saw it in person, saw this wedding form in person when I was a teenager.
But it seems this form of wedding is increasingly popular nowadays, especially for young people who want to control the overall cost and avoid all those hassles of preparing for a wedding ceremony.
And also there were forms like cosplay wedding, destination wedding, minimalist wedding, et cetera, et cetera.
So with all those new ways of holding weddings, really, I think the wedding planning industry needs more talents to cater to people's diversified needs.
That's for sure. And it looks to me because we are talking about a university major.
And usually we're talking about how you can develop a career.
And it looks to me that wedding planning can really become a serious career for an individual rather than only a, you know, day to day salary earning job.
I have read about a case in which a professional wedding planner has been working in this industry for decades, several decades.
And her first client, decades ago, has now become a grandmother.
And this client's daughter's wedding was also designed by this same person.
So to this wedding planner, she has witness, you know, love, a pass down from one generation to another generation, and then to the next generation.
And this is definitely, there is definitely a sense of either happiness or fulfillment in her career.
Definitely, that's a very fulfilling career.
Yes, it's very rewarding.
And the wedding planner is not the only possible job if you're graduated, if you in the future graduate from this major.
We are also talking about, for example, matchmakers.
If you can, if you're a good person, you understand people and you're good at introducing new people to meet each other to find the topic to discuss, maybe you have a talent for becoming well to become a matchmaker.
And with this specific major, you learn about marriage, you learn about psychology related to close relationships.
And it will help you become a really good matchmaker.
Not alone, I think previous Louvre talked about now a lot of people are using live streaming platforms to do matchmaking jobs.
It can be a bit fast food style.
Yet it is still something that can generate a lot of nice and lovely love stories.
And on top of that, we also see more and more couples having the need of celebrating their marriage in different forms when it comes to these kinds of needs.
Yes, maybe you're not planning a wedding yet.
You're planning a wedding celebrating ceremony of such sorts.
So there are different possibilities.
Here, yet, my question is actually that, again, these students are graduated, let's say they've graduated from college with this major.
Are they really capable of doing their job already?
Or is practical experience is more important with regard to marriage?
We're not talking about something that can be, for example, get a result after meticulous calculation.
It's about human. Humans are very complicated in a relationship in one day.
Maybe we're in an argument.
And the next day, I see a tiny little detail, like a glass of water on the table that my significant other prepared for me.
All of a sudden, I'm not angry at him anymore.
It's too complicated. And it's not something that can have a one-end-surfed-old kind of solution.
So will a major in a university really prepare the newly graduates for the industry?
I think that's a really good question.
And I know that's also a lot of people are why they're having this concern about this new marriage-related major from college or university.
But then, let's just think about it.
And does a bachelor degree in journalism actually prepare this young person becoming a qualified journalist?
No, I don't really think so.
You do need this practical experience and either internship or you got to learn, still learn from scratch.
I think that's universally true for any major, for any industry you want to enter.
You still need to accumulate your own experience.
But meantime, I think that's also related to how people consider this profession in marriage service.
Because what you said, holding actually represents a lot of stereotype or the spying conclusion about what kind of skills that personnel in its industry needs.
Because a lot of people don't actually consider it as a very serious career thing.
I think as long as you're in this industry for a long time, you are qualified enough to become a wedding planner or a matchmaker, however, that's not true.
I think for every profession, we need this recognition.
We need this acknowledgement that they do need some professional skills.
And now we're talking about a bachelor degree.
I think that's more about raising this recognition.
It's about letting people know that it's a serious career.
And it's a serious career that needs professional skills.
And also based on this upgraded demands coming from the consumer side, obviously younger generations, they do have a more complicated desire for marriage-related services.
So that really makes sense to me.
Yeah. I feel like there is on one hand no denying that there is an actual need here, but in a meantime, all those concerns about its necessity or sustainability of this particular major, they are not necessarily groundless.
For example, there's concern about changing job markets because the marriage market is really closely related to the number of young people who hope to get married.
And our official data tells us that there is a shrinking trend in most recent years.
I'm not sure whether this will go on forever, but that's the current trend.
So when less people want to get married, probably the market will shrink thereby causing unstable employment opportunities for graduates from this particular major.
So I feel like realistically speaking, what you do for your career after your graduates are sometimes irrelevant with what you study in university.
This is the case for many people.
So of course, this university can try operating this major for a few years to see how employment of the graduates from this program will look like and then make adjustments accordingly.
And one good thing for the major is that if you take a look at the actual courses taught for this major, for those who are interested in psychology, you can get a marriage or relationship while interpersonal relationship related psychology courses in this degree and also designing also management and these skills are quite important.
If after a while you feel like, huh, you're not a person's person, you're not good with matchmaking or talking to the newlyweds who are having unbelievably high expectations or their weddings and you feel like you cannot deal with that, you can certainly find another major to do as long as you've really made up your mind and you are equipped with the courses and skills
taught in this major. It's not that big of a deal.
We've explored the motivations behind the introduction, the curriculum and the potential benefits and controversies.
I think as societal dynamics continue to evolve, this major could play a crucial role in supporting healthy relationships and healthy families and as the field grows, it will be interesting to see how it impacts family sustainability and mental health here in China and Roundtable will provide you with some more interesting insights on that front.
You're listening to Roundtable coming up next.
If someone tells you that you can win an argument, actually any argument with three simple words, can you take a guess what it is?
Currently, these words can transform the way we handle conflicts leading to more productive and respectful conversations.
Stay tuned to find out what they are.
Looking for passion? How about fiery debate?
Want to hear about current events in China from different perspectives?
Then tune in to Roundtable, where East meets West and understanding is the goal.
As the hour of Roundtable with myself in your home in Li Yi and Ding Han arguments are a part of life and navigating them efficiently and effectively can often feel like an art form.
Some people are good at them and some people perhaps even enjoy them.
And there is the question, if you are in an argument, is anyone a winner?
For the sake of today's discussion, yes, there is a winner and will reveal what is the definition of the winner in an argument at the end of the show.
But I want to ask first to actually both of you and I will reveal my answer myself.
Are you good at arguing or do you generally avoid confrontation?
I would say I never avoid confrontation, but I always feel like I don't have enough performance in each argument.
So that's what after the argument, I will say that.
I should have said that.
How about you, Ding Han?
That's actually a common occurrence or feeling on a part of many people.
But for me, I am not really good at arguing and I tend to cowardly sometimes avoid confrontation.
I'm sorry to admit this openly here on the show, but that's the real part of me.
Actually me too. The thing is for a lot of people who feel that for we are radial people, we are radial announcers, we are hosts of a debating show.
We're supposed to be good at doing that, but it's different because whenever there is a real confrontation, a real conflict, a real disagreement among you and person who you work with or you love or maybe you're a family member, you find it hard because you have this emotional cost and emotional stake in it.
When we're arguing here, we're arguing, of course we care about our arguments.
Of course we would say things and find arguments against each other, but we know that it does not affect our relationship after the show.
Yet in real life, I feel that the stake is simply too high and I cannot stand losing an argument, so my strategy is to avoid one, just like that and at all.
So I'm going to review the three magical words that will help you basically win an argument according to our theory and the three words actually is part of me.
So the phrase part of me here is used in this way.
Instead of saying part of me thinks you're stupid, what you want to say is part of me understands why you feel that way.
So you agree to part of the argument of the other party and continue saying but or however to introduce your counterpoint without invalidating their feelings.
Do you think it helps? So I think yeah, because it's about, it sounds to me like it's about acknowledging the other person's perspective, although you don't agree with them, however you receive, I mean you're part of me understanding what you're saying.
It means that I understand why you say this.
I receive your message.
I receive why you're thinking in this way.
However, here's my perspective.
So it's about mutual respect, I would say.
It's a little bit like yes and, right?
So if you're playing an impromptu or impromptu drama, what you do is to say yes and so you say yes to the other party and you continue your agreement or your narrative.
Yeah, I feel like this particular tactic only applies to arguments between loved ones.
If we're talking about arguments between two rivals, for example, in a case of a TV debate between two US presidential candidates, this kind of tactic does now really work.
You don't need to show any empathy.
But for argument between loved ones, if you care about us, people's feeling if winning the argument is now the ultimate purpose, then yeah, that's that's in the situation.
The situation that you have provided, another three words might be in place and might be helpful, that is help me understand.
So you can say help me understand how is this policy, help promoting the development of this specific industry that you've talked about.
Do you think that helps?
Help me understand. Well, I think yes, because you just so you know, mentioned yes and sentence that I would also usually use in this argument.
And I think this help me understand or part of me.
Of course, they are much longer than yes, which is long enough to show your willingness to understand the other person's perspective.
And meantime, it's also showing that you are willing to make a compromise or you know, your willingness to achieve this mutual understanding.
And I think that's far more important than winning this argument, right?
And that I think that's also about the definition of winning the argument that you mentioned at the first place.
Because a lot of people think that winning an argument means that I stand at a higher position than you.
So I just are trying to convey my message and continuously and trying to sell my arguments, sell my you know, debate points so that I can really win and I can really let you to be speechless.
I think a lot of arguments is about achieving mutual understanding.
It's about achieving your goals.
So what kind of purpose you want to achieve at the first place?
And that does not necessarily necessarily involve win or lose.
That's my personal understanding about argument.
So I cannot say help me understand how calm your argument is so groundless.
Of course not. So basically you're sending a message that I don't, it does not necessarily mean I agree with you entirely, but you're given a message that you are at least a listening, right?
So I'm open to you listen to your argument.
I'm not saying you're wrong.
I'm trying to understand your perspective.
And then that's the magic of help me understand.
Yeah. And then later on you would follow us.
But however, I have a better idea that I have an alternative idea that is better than yours.
See, we want to win an argument.
Yeah. If you're holding the idea that you want to win an argument, you want to persuade the other party that you are right, they are wrong.
They should be listening to you.
Then you can never win an argument.
What actually we, what we are promoting here is that we value our relationship more than this disagreement.
What we are trying to promote here is that listening is very important.
Understanding each other's ground is very important.
And there is no actual winner of arguments or precisely where there is no better understanding of one thing than the other ones because different people would have different perspectives.
What can actually come from an argument or come from a quarrel between two loved ones is an improvement of the relationship.
Yes, definitely. And also I think this kind of statement can also help to control your mood, to control your emotion because when you are saying this, help me understand or part of me understand, it also helps yourself to understand why the other person thinking in that way could also contribute to your calmness.
I think which is extremely important in an argument because a lot of times, sometimes it's about releasing your emotion, releasing your moods, which will just make things even worth.
Yeah, so it's not about proving that you're right.
It's about allowing your relationship to move forward in a stronger, safer and better state than when the argument actually begins.
And that brings us to the end of today's round table.
Thanks to Lee and Dingheng.
And of course, those of you who are still listening, make sure to join us next time as we explore more topics that matter.
Until next time, keep the conversations going and the ideas flowing.
I'm your homie. Bye for now.
