Hi, my name is Ayo Debrey.
And I feel optimistic, hopefully not a misguided optimism, about being Conan O'Brien's friend.
Fall is here, hear the yell Back to school, ring the bell Brand new shoes, walkin' loose Climb the fence, books and pens I can tell that we are gonna be friends I can tell that we are gonna be friends.
Hello there, and welcome aboard the good ship.
Conan O'Brien needs a friend.
I'm the captain, Conan.
Of course, there's the cruise director, Son of Obsession.
Oh, hell yeah.
I'd be a great cruise director.
And working down there in the engine room, covered in grease.
Matt Gorley.
Yeah.
You never get to come topside.
No, I thought you were gonna call me gopher.
No.
Oh, God, no.
Around the other passengers?
No, no, no.
You're down...
You are covered in grease.
You're hard of hearing because of the giant turbines turning all the time.
You're rarely allowed out.
In fact, when the ship is sinking, you're not even told it's sinking.
Listen, you know I love you, man.
Do I?
I don't think you could.
There's never been a single sign that you love me.
Not based on my behavior towards you, certainly.
Certainly not what other people say.
No facts, no evidence.
I think you hate me, sir.
I do not hate you.
You just don't like me.
No.
I think it's, oh God, what's the word?
Indifference.
Oh, that's almost worse.
Leaning towards rage.
That's worse, yeah.
Rage difference.
I don't have a word for it.
But listen, no, I, of course, I respect you.
I think you do a great job.
I can't look you in the eye when I'm lying.
No, and it's just respect is a begrudging respect.
It's a begrudging respect.
That's true.
I just want to make sure because we're recording this a little ahead of time.
And, you know, one of the things we don't do is we're not very topical on this podcast.
Right.
But now I've got it in my head today because I don't think this is going to drop for a while.
We really can't be topical.
Right.
You know what I mean?
So I don't want anyone saying, well, you know, next week is that big national holiday or.
Yeah.
Hey, in two days.
But we do know when this is coming out.
I know.
Things like Fourth of July is just around the corner.
I know.
You still don't understand.
I still don't understand how this works.
I see.
I'm suspicious of that.
What if we say that and then for some reason this gets bumped, you know, because some huge figure says I'll do the podcast, but it has to air on that day.
And we go, we've already got this all set for someone else and it has to move.
And then we're saying, wow, 4th of July.
And people look out the window and it's snowing.
But it's still 4th of July and they live in Antarctica.
Oh, you see the twist I put it.
What are you saying that we don't have big names right now?
And if we have one, everyone gets big names.
I'm talking about the new pope from Chicago.
He's not coming on this stupid podcast.
My cell phone.
I'm just saying, what if my cell phone rings and I pick it up and I go, hey, Conan there.
And I go, hello.
And he goes, this is the new pope.
And I go, wow.
Oh, my God.
It's incredible.
Congratulations.
Yeah, I'm thinking I, you know, I used to be down in Chicago and diversity.
I'd be driving down diversity and I'd be like, you know, I mean, I don't like I like white socks.
I'm not a Cubs guy.
Anyhow.
And I'd be getting my sausage.
And I was thinking, I like this Conan podcast.
I'll do it someday if I become Pope.
Probably a 50 50 chance.
That's a good Chicago.
Yeah.
And then he you know, and you know again.
Now we are getting topical, but if he wanted to do the podcast, that would bump anybody.
Yeah.
And also I would want to ask him, did you use some of your Chicago ways to influence the conclave?
What are you saying?
They bring a knife, you bring a gun kind of thing?
Exactly.
They bring black smoke, you bring white smoke.
He was in there just going like, oh, really?
You're going to vote for that guy, eh?
Oh, that guy from Portugal, eh?
Maybe at the conclave, he was walking around behind them with a baseball bat.
See, you're going very cartoonish and very big.
Oh, I apologize.
No, no, you shouldn't apologize.
I begrudgingly respect you.
I forgot this was a sober and serious podcast.
I think it's more like...
Hey, remember when you wanted help moving that couch?
You know, you had that place over on Sheffield.
Remember when you had that place on Sheffield?
Who helped you move the couch?
You're saying Matt's cartoony?
Uh-huh.
Because whatever this is, it's very cartoony.
My Pope, he did a lot of favors for people.
Your Pope is Dennis Farina.
Yeah.
He did a lot of favors for people.
And also, he knows the cops.
He'll take care of that ticket for you.
Yeah, but they weren't in Rome.
What's that?
They weren't even in Chicago.
Why is he bringing up sofas he moved for people?
Because he was always playing the game.
He was always saying like, hey, you, from where are you?
Yeah, yeah, we're from Thailand, eh?
Yeah, hey, you moving out of that place?
Yes, I'm moving out of that.
I can help you out.
At Couch, I got some guys that can move it for you.
You don't have to hire anybody, you see.
It's like he's controlling the altar boy union.
He's just got his fingers in every pie.
That incense fell off the back of a truck.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
Yeah, that just fell out the back of a truck.
Hey, don't be asking a lot of questions.
Yeah.
You know?
And he becomes Pope because he's just working it.
Anyway, my original point is if my cell phone rings and I hear hey, I asked a buddy of a buddy of a buddy, and he says I got Conan's number,
Is this your number there, Conan?
I'm like, yeah, this is my number.
Hey, you know, I'd like to come on that bad cast there.
That'd be great.
Bad cast?
I'd come on that.
Pad cast.
I'd like to come on that pad cast.
You know, and now we could, we could get some, some sausage, and we could close down a couple of streets for maybe, a blues fest.
And then we could have that, you know, anyway.
And then I'd be like, shit, we got to bump the guest today.
Yeah.
So that we can have that bump.
You know what I mean?
I'm glad you didn't stay topical.
Yeah.
Because that was really important.
Oh, these popes don't change too fast.
This guy's going to be around a long time.
I know, but he's not going to be the new pope when this airs, probably.
It's still a big deal.
Is it?
Eduardo's nodding his head.
Even when this comes out.
Oh, you think in June the fact that there's a pope from the south side of Chicago is going to be an old story.
This is big news.
Is it that big?
It's huge.
He's new for at least a year.
How old is he?
It's like a honeymoon, like a newlywed.
You're a newlywed for a year.
He's going to be a new pope.
And also the fact that he's from the south side of Chicago.
When he came out on the balcony, he was wearing a white sax uniform.
What happens if we have Jude Law who is in a show called The New Pope, and then we have to bump him for The New Pope?
What do you fucking got this Gorley working for you?
You know, you got a good role and this guy brings up Jude.
What the fuck is a Jude Law?
What the hell is that all about?
How is he helping you?
It's a deep dish Pope.
And who the fuck is that play guy making jokes other people have already made on the Internet?
What the fuck?
You're trying to do original material and you got these two weights around your neck.
Are you the Pope saying what the fuck?
Yes.
Oh, okay.
This is very, it's borderline Andrew Dice Clay Pope.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
And by the way, he did some good work, a lot of good work, Andrew Dice Clay.
And he's also be, he has matured into a very fine actor.
He's worked with Scorsese a lot.
So I'm not going to have him put down on my watch.
Okay.
Yeah.
What?
I love it.
Yes.
Did you know that?
A lot?
Yes.
That's not a put down.
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
What's the problem here?
And Blay, when did you see anything in this conversation that made you think I better get in there and help?
I better jump in and save the day.
You're welcome.
You're welcome here, Blay.
I better jump in and save the day.
This is a very anti-Pope sentiment coming from you, isn't it?
It's not.
It's supposed to be welcoming everyone in.
It is.
Eduardo, did you think this was anti-Pope?
I love this Pope.
It's not.
What do you mean?
It's anti-Pope.
I think you, I think the Pope is very welcoming everyone in.
You're being very anti-Pope right now.
How?
How?
Because you're welcoming everyone in.
Wait a minute.
You think that me applying that this Pope used all of his Chicago muscle to get the Popehood meant that and yeah, it's called the Popehood.
That's not what he's saying.
He's saying you're Conan.
You role-playing as the Pope.
You're being very anti-Pope by not welcoming anybody into this conversation.
Oh!
Oh, that's just.
Oh, that.
I thought you were just shitting on the pole.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
And listen, you know, I apologize.
And I think it takes a big man to apologize.
I apologize to you, Matt, for ever questioning your addition to this conversation.
And Blay, when you jumped in, you know, and said that he's the deep dish Pope.
I don't think anyone said that yet.
That big, big congrats to you.
So, and thank you both.
So let's get into it.
He lived in Peru for like 20 years, right?
Yeah, but you know.
Was he really there as much as he said he was?
Yes, I think he was.
I think he was leaving a lot on weekends to go to the White Sox games, you know, and check out the Blues Fest.
The accent is still so thick for just having lived in Peru for 20 years.
But okay.
Was he really there the whole 20 years?
I think he was.
Yeah, I think it's okay.
Let's check those playing records.
Oh.
I think he's bopping back and forth.
He's like, yeah, I got to go to O'Hare.
I got to get to O'Hare.
And then I got to take diversity to Sheffield.
And then I got to see the Blues Fest and get some sausage.
And I'll get back to Peru.
Quit your...
I don't know.
I guess I'm going to hell or maybe I'm in hell now.
Maybe this is hell.
My guest today is a hilarious writer actor, director and comedian who stars in the hit Hulu series The Bear.
Hey.
And guess what?
Let me tell you something.
She's a huge star.
And so when you said, hey, are you implying we don't get big stars?
We get all the big, we get the biggest and the best.
And that show takes place in Chicago.
That's what I was saying.
That's why I said, hey, because The Bear takes place in Chicago.
Chicago.
I'm excited she's here today.
Ayo Adebri.
Welcome.
You came in, and I got to admit, I'm a little high energy today.
And also, you're one of those people where I start doing bits right away.
We ran into each other at, I don't know if it was an Oscar thing or whatever.
You and I were somewhere.
I don't think we had really formally met each other.
And both of us...
Doing bits right away like idiots.
Foul, foul, foul behavior in public.
Yes, but then you did me this great kindness, which is my children, and this is to their credit.
They're not having the whole Conan O'Brien shtick.
Never have, never been into it.
You made a quick video for my daughter, who adores you, and you made a video where you basically said no no, your dad's okay.
Yes.
And I sent that to my daughter and it got me like 24 hours of solid street cred.
But it didn't look like she was in like a hostage situation.
It kind of did.
Yeah, because I had my gun up to my head anyway.
So I brought my gun.
She did it all herself.
She held herself hostage while she made me a hostage video.
I always carry around a gun in a newspaper.
A lady must.
A lady must.
Um, but that wasn't the well.
That was the first time that we've met, but do you remember the first time we should have met?
We should have met.
When I saw you way across the street or I thought I saw you, but I wasn't sure it was you
And I was with my real assistant, the one who actually does things for me, David Hopping.
Come on, you've been phoning it in for like eight years.
Oh, you trained him?
If you trained him, he wouldn't be doing shit.
Oh.
But anyway.
This is a drag.
This is like a, like I was going to say a dragger, but that doesn't make sense.
But I just like the idea.
Let's all drag each other.
Okay, I'm down.
You're welcome to the show.
That's what this is.
Just fuck you.
We're going to try it.
We're going to try it.
You just said that to Ayo?
That's terrible.
Yeah, that's not nice.
That's terrible.
That's terrible.
You made Ayo cry.
Fuck everybody.
People love her.
What was that all about, Sona?
Fuck all of you.
That's how I drag.
I'm not good at it.
No, what happened was I was with David and we were trying to figure out.
There's a group of people across a wide street and we're looking and we're thinking is that Ayo?
And we weren't sure.
And then I thought, should I cross the street?
What? and say, hi, are you Ayo?
And then I thought, no, don't do that.
I didn't know what to do.
So I didn't do it.
And I didn't realize that you guys.
So it was me, Lionel Boyce, who's also on Bear With Me, and then Tyler, the creator, and then one of our other friends.
So it's like we're like four black people on Launch Mart, basically.
And then we're like, why is this?
Like, there's this white guy across the street who's really tall and he's walking kind of weird.
Yeah.
And then I have a limp.
And I was like, well, that's well, that's like that's surely Conan O'Brien.
Like, look at his head.
And we were.
And then look at his head.
And then Lionel was like, don't be racist.
Like, you can't just say like a tall white guy and be like, that's Conan.
And he was like, and Conan wouldn't walk like that also.
But then, like now that I'm also thinking about you, like this group of like four black people being like well, surely I can't cross the street and just be like, are you?
Are you the famous one?
And then and then also, we were like oh, that's well, he was kind of walking funny, because he kept kind of looking back.
But we were in this like weird Mexican standoff of like recognition.
You guys were kind of partway behind a tree.
Yeah.
And and so I was hiding.
I see.
Yeah.
And, um, you know, I, and so I, I said to David and he was like, I'm not sure.
And then, I mean, David is welcome to come in at any point and straighten out this mix up.
Uh, he might be off doing some real running, some real errands.
Um, but he's coming.
Okay.
Well, I'm sorry.
I trained him.
I taught him everything.
You didn't teach him anything, but we were trying to figure it out.
David wasn't sure we weren't sure.
And then we got upstairs and I was like, I'm telling you, I'm sure that was IO.
And I
Is this the first time you guys have confirmed this and talked about this?
No, we talked about it at... This Oscars party or something.
Or SNL maybe or something.
Yeah.
Okay, David.
Here, David, you can take my mic.
You can take this mic right here.
Take someone's mic and confirm.
David, your disposition has been called out as Sonny before, yes?
That's nice.
I think so.
I don't know.
Amazing.
Amazing disposition.
By the way, this is David in a terrible mood.
I know.
Yeah.
Hello, how are you?
Yeah, I heard we're all yelling at each other.
So David, confirm what happened.
You weren't sure it was Ayo.
I wasn't sure it was Ayo.
Yeah, and you were about to like yell across the street and I was like, you can't just yell.
And there was a fear of what if I'm wrong?
And then I'm that guy who's just like misidentifying Black people, it's okay.
And I didn't want to do that.
No, you can't even say that anymore.
So true.
But I didn't want to be that person.
But then also we were like well, we can't just be like accosting tall white people and being like are you like?
Are you one of the most famously tall white men of all time?
So, but then I felt like we were just kind of like getting closer and farther away at the same time.
It was the perfect, it's a two lane, there's traffic going two ways.
So it's not a narrow street.
It wouldn't have worked even under like better circumstances.
Like too much was going on.
I know.
But, you know, we're here.
We are here now.
We're together.
I'm so happy you're on the show.
We have a lot to talk about because you were raised in Dorchester.
Yes, sir.
In Boston.
And I, of course, come from the nasty side of town in Brookline, Mass.
Dirty dog.
Dirty dog.
And you have been honored.
I think you got... It's so... What?
This is a real honor.
It is.
It's like messed up.
Wasn't there an I.O.
Day in Boston?
We're all Boston.
On April 10th, the mayor of Boston honored IO by declaring April 10th IO a debris day in the city of Boston.
Excuse me.
Has there been a Conan O'Brien in Boston?
Quick answer.
Wait, you don't have a day?
I never had a day.
Never.
Oh, and what they're going to do is say, you got St.
Patrick's Day.
Oh, because you're Irish.
Very good Sona, very nice, very nice.
You know what fuck you?
You've gotten better.
Hey, you're getting better at that too.
No, I've never had a day.
That's actually shocking to me.
But you've been like hasty put, no wait, hasty is just women.
No, hasty putting is guys.
That is guys and used to dress up as ladies, but now it's men and women.
Yeah Wait, what the heck?
What's going on?
What do you mean?
I don't know.
I just feel like you should get, let's fix that.
I don't know.
What do you do?
Did you go to Boston on your day?
Okay, I'm grateful for the day.
I'm grateful for the day.
I had no idea that it was happening.
If I knew that it was happening, I'm the type of person where I would have not gone.
Because it just, that sort of thing just makes me so anxious.
And so they were just like, oh, come to your high school.
And I was like, cool.
I'll just like talk to the improv kids.
And then they were like actually you're going to be talking to kids in the auditorium, which is like my nightmare.
Like I was trained to be a teacher and I quit because high school children are so scary with their eyes.
And then also like the school that I went to is a public school, but it's like it's for smart kids.
Like you have to take a test to get in like that whole vibe.
And every student there is like going to become like a doctor of like Adams or something.
I don't know.
Doctor of Adams.
Yeah.
OK, I literally was like stupid for my school.
Like I was like, yeah, I feel like a teacher and go do some like improv at night.
And everybody was like, good luck.
Like you are a wastrel.
And yeah, ultimately.
But you got a day.
I got a day.
But did you go to your school for your day?
I did go to my school because I thought I was going to just talk to the improv kids.
And then I ended up talking to the mayor.
And then the mayor was like, I have a surprise for you.
And in the clip which I have watched, like I think I look upset, but it's just because I'm like dissociating to survive, because I'm like I can't believe this is happening.
And I also know that my mom's going to be so annoyed because she's going to be like you never tell anybody when you're getting a day.
And it's like, well, because I didn't know I was getting a day.
Yeah.
You never tell anyone.
You're like, you've gotten lots of days?
No, that's just like, that's the voice of my mother in my head.
She's that type of... Again, you get a day, and I don't get it.
By the way, Sona and I both have Boston days, too.
Yeah, this is so weird.
I know, and they're not even from there.
You just hand them out to everybody.
You get them at the airport.
It's kind of personal.
As you get off the plane, they hand you a day.
If you go to the Logan Duncan, they get you a day.
I think that's...
You're on record for saying you think the Dunkin' Donuts is better in Boston.
I do.
You can taste the difference.
I do.
Why do you know that?
I know a lot of things about you.
Is that in your research?
I know everything about you.
What am I thinking right now?
Three, two, one.
I'm paler than you thought.
Oh.
Ultimately, yeah, probably.
Yeah.
You can actually see the veins in my face and it's freaking you out.
I can see like the back of your ear through your cheek.
Yeah.
You're looking at me like that model of the visible woman.
Is it one tall man or two little, two smaller men?
Um...
We have things in common.
We both grew up in Boston.
Yeah.
We clearly both like to riff and screw around constantly and be silly.
You grew up with anxiety.
I think like a lot of people that get into comedy, I had anxiety too.
Yeah, you did.
Pretty cool.
Yeah, you did.
Pretty cool.
Let's talk to your therapist.
Okay.
Your therapist is here.
I should not put you under my HIPAA exemption.
I knew I shouldn't have done that.
But I love that you.
You're very smart and you have very serious parents who were they must have seen this comedy thing coming with you.
They didn't see it coming.
Oh, well, I think it just like they didn't.
Can I just say something?
Can I say something?
I leaned out of camera.
Okay, can I say something though?
I noticed it too.
You reached for that tissue like Liberace or a magician.
You reached like this.
I mean, if we have footage of it, and then you plucked it up.
And you did this big turn.
I was going to sneeze.
Did your sleeve hit the mic too?
I thought a white dove was going to come out of your jacket.
I'm so sorry.
It's like Penn and Teller doing ASMR.
I'm so sorry.
I was going to sneeze and I just thought it was a... Surely nothing will happen.
I'm here to visit the king of France.
But first...
Oh, Jesus.
I love that you didn't let that go.
You are addicted to prop work.
Oh, my God.
Get him.
Get him.
Get him.
Yeah, I was listening to an episode in the car, not going to lie.
Um, your parents, your parents, your serious people.
You grew up in a Pentecostal.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
But my dad wasn't really that Christian, which also is funny, because I I was like.
I have these like memories of like going down to his own office, which also it's like hey man, if you're a dad and you got a home office.
Whatever.
Anyway, but then I'd go to his home office.
Right.
And then I would be like hey, like it just would be really cool if you came to church, just because like, if the rapture happens, me and mom are good.
You know what I mean?
And you're going to be, like, in hell.
But he, to his credit, would just be like, I mean, like, maybe, girl.
Like, he'd be like, I don't think so, but thanks.
Thanks, sweetie.
He's like, I know how to get.
I'll take the off ramp.
I'll get there.
Thanks, sweetie.
Yeah, so I was, like, low-key more religious than my parents at one point.
But, yeah.
Yeah.
I think that like I all that kind of that was like how my anxiety manifested.
Like in, like in.
I had to be very prepared for my future, or like I kind of would care about things even more than my parents did, because I was just projecting my own sort of like fears about disappointing them or whatever.
And so like I think I would just be like and I'm going to be like a doctor, of course.
And they'd be like, cool, you're going to be a doctor.
And then my parents, sophomore year of college, when I changed my major, I was like, well also.
Then I was like OK, so I might not be a doctor.
I might be a teacher.
And they were like, OK, sure.
Yeah.
And so then, you know, I was like, I'm not going to be a teacher.
I actually want to study art.
And they were like, yeah, girl, like, you know, we've been raising you in our house, right?
Like every single thing that you've done or you care about is like related to you.
Comedy or the arts or whatever.
Like my mom would get really mad at me because I would delete episodes of Oprah, because I was TiVo-ing your show and like 30 Rock.
And, like, I was, like, I was just, like, inhaling all that stuff.
Yeah.
And so they were like, yeah, duh.
Like, okay.
Yeah.
But it was it was also very like my dad was like, like, I mean, we can't help you.
Like, just as a heads up, like, we don't have any connections.
We don't have any, like, resources.
So, like, if you want to do it, just you have to be prepared.
Your dad and I were very tight and I kept saying I will help io and he was like how could you help her in comedy?
And i went okay, this was he's back in the 2000s, early 2000s.
He's a tough guy in that way.
He's a tough guy in that way.
Yeah, i'd say you're sure i can't help her, get started in comedy, she'll be fine.
What?
What could you do for her anyway?
Yeah, but then also like it's been cool, like with them.
I feel like I've been learning more about them since I've been Whatever enough to pursue this and like my dad actually went to Emerson and his dad made him drop out because his dad was like you're the oldest and like we need to get all these other siblings and from Nigeria over here.
So you need to get like a real degree in something that like yeah, means that you can be, like you know, stable enough to support this family.
And then you went to law school after.
But my dad loves movies like he wanted to make movies.
Now he just comes with me to award shows.
They must be through the through the roof.
Happy for you.
I mean, that's a nice thing.
It's interesting.
So when you told them OK, I'm going to take this shot at We were straight up in an IHOP in Randolph because I also was like we can't do this on home turf.
Like we have to go to Randolph.
And we I literally was like, I'll meet you guys at the IHOP.
Mind you, I didn't get my license until I was like 24 years old.
So I'm like, they're driving me to the IHOP.
Or you took a horse.
What?
And and so then we're there and I'm like not talking to them in the car.
And they're like, like, they're like, are you like, are you dying or like what's going on?
Then I just started bust like I burst out crying.
And I was like, I'm so sorry.
Like, I changed my major without telling you I'm going to study playwriting.
Like I want to pursue that arts and literally they're like eating, like a, like a short stack, like could not yeah, could not care.
My dad's like extra hash browns, like let's go.
Yeah, they were so like supportive.
My yeah, i remember i remember very clearly telling my parents on the phone that okay, i'm graduating, i've worked really hard to get into this good college.
I'm gonna graduate.
I wrote a thesis, i'm a good student, i wanted to get into comedy, and i remember their attitude was very much like which one are you?
Again, we got six.
Just you know they were.
And then the minute i could pay my own rent, which was really quickly, the minute i was like out there and established and paying my own rent there, they didn't care if i was in pornography.
I was.
Just you know which i.
I was okay at that too.
You did that.
I dabbled.
Okay, fake fans um uh No, I think it was the same.
I think also my parents were like, yeah, are you good with money?
You're not going to be asking us to buy tickets to the Yuck Yuck Center, right?
As long as you don't need them.
As we all know, comedy folks, us, getting extra tickets to the Yuck Yuck Center.
It's a big thing.
Yeah everyone, everyone has to pay their dues.
But yeah, like they were like, if you're, if you're good, then we're good.
And i feel like the moment that they could also kind of start to brag like yeah, which is like even when i was like a writer's assistant.
But they were just like, oh my god, like your name is gonna be in the credits of something.
Well, you had a i'm impressed with this.
You had, you had a plan which was get yourself in a writer's room as a writer's assistant and you gave yourself time to do that.
Yes, Yes.
That was a very smart.
I mean, I look at it now and I think, yes, that was a very smart way to go about it.
Yeah.
What was the plan specifically?
Get into a writer's room.
Plan was I still have my education degree.
So I was like, OK, I'm going to give myself basically two years to be able to pay my rent.
And if I don't, then I'll go back and I'll get my master's, and then I'll just get my teaching certificate, like for the state of New York.
But I'll at least be happy that I tried.
I think it's like I try to make, I don't know, a plan that like, I'll be happy with, whatever the result is like, genuinely like.
Yes. failure is not an option.
So whatever's going to happen, I have to be happy with it and also be able to pay my rent.
Great.
And so that was that plan.
And then I ended up while I was still in school.
I got the PA jobs um through a friend of a friend who was working at Jack's.
Um, they were doing like broad city and inciting me Schumer, um, and Sam B at the time.
And then I think I just kind of got a reputation for like being very hardworking and uh, Then I got an assisting job at this show called The Rundown with Robin Deedy.
That was on BET for a season.
And that's when I got my first writer's assistant job.
And I just basically was like talking to every single writer's assistant I knew.
And I was like okay, like what's like the average timeline for being a writer's assistant to like getting an actual TV job?
Like, what does that look like?
And what do I have to do to do that?
And so then I was like okay, I think I can give myself like three to four years of doing this before then I start to get like crazy and a little like.
Like I feel like that's, I don't know when I was like meeting writer assistants, where they were like I've been doing this for like eight years or something.
I was like, oh, OK, like you're not you're not happy doing this.
So that some and some people are.
But that's just like how I felt.
So I was like, cool, I'll give myself like four, three or four because I kind of know myself.
And I know that's when I'll start to get like restless.
But also then I was doing stand up and you were attacking it on like five different fronts.
Yeah.
Which is surprising.
But it was because I liked it.
Like, I think I do.
Like.
I have met people also where they're like oh, and so you're gunning for this and you're gunning for that.
But it's like I think at the base of it, I also just really like to learn.
So I really was like I and I become very obsessed about stuff.
And so, like, I just loved when I was meeting doing stand up.
I was seeing like all comedy for the first time in New York and that I could kind of take on a different voice on stage than maybe what might be my my like first instinct.
Mm hmm.
And then also like I started like writing like shouts and murmurs pieces with my friend because I was like okay, my end goal is writing, not performing.
That also is a thing.
Like, I really did not picture myself as an actor or performer.
It's interesting because I get the sense you still think of yourself first as a writer, even though
And I think sometimes people are like, are you right in the head?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's so funny is so many people don't aspire to.
Hey, I recognize you and you're going to get the nice seat at this restaurant.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There is something like where I have like a relatively not always on, but I think I do have a good sense of like stuff where I'm like I can't do this or I don't want to do this or like I'm not interested in that being this thing, even though something that's been interesting about like acting more is that I think it's like oh, people start to have a perception of you.
And that's also why I'm like, whenever I can get the chance, I'm like I have to do something.
That's a comedic thing so that people like understand like this is actually like my brain and like my sense of self, and not just like looking cool on red carpet, which I love, which is great and which is fun.
Do you like the red carpet?
No but, but I think it's like I can appreciate it as another type of performance.
And I think then it's also like, in this weird way, I'm like that's closer to acting than it is to me and also like weirdly, like drag.
I'm like basically doing drag of myself.
I feel like and I'm like become this vessel for like outfit and like hair and makeup and I'm like that's actually, it's like it's something else I'm like doing like, like a heightened version of, like a pastiche of myself or something i don't know.
But yeah, thinking of it that way helps me.
I i had an attitude a little bit early on because i just was so much into i'm just gonna, i want to do these ideas and i want to do this weird show.
And then they would say okay well, now's the emmys and you guys have been nominated, so you're supposed to go and walk the red carpet.
And i had a little bit of an attitude of but i don't like this, this is what i'm about.
And I was young, but I was also like this is what I'm about.
And then it just occurred to me, it's part of the job, you fucking moron.
Yeah.
Like, get over yourself.
It's part of the job.
And find a tux that fits and stand there and get your picture taken and smile.
And, you know, what do you mean you don't love it?
No one.
No one does.
Yeah.
I mean, maybe there are people who are beautiful, beautiful freaks, but who are like, oh yeah, this is what I live for.
But I think actually most people are literally like, get me out of it.
My skin.
This is so insane.
And so many people are yelling at me also.
And they found they all have a different way of saying my name.
And it's so weird.
It's so weird.
Yeah.
But yeah, it is like where I'm just like yeah this, like this, helps me make like, get to be done with it and then get to actually make stuff.
So like.
You have an affinity for physical comedy.
When did you know that?
Oh my God.
Like you kind of like using your physicality.
Yeah.
And is that something that you always had or is it something you discovered as you went along?
I don't know why this memory just came to me.
When I was 11 years old, I remember I did my last split.
I did my last split.
I did a split and I knew that.
Paramedics came.
I was like, this is for real the last split.
I was like, I'm done.
I have yet to do my last story.
Or your first.
Come on now, brag.
Brag about it.
But then I remember my cousin came and found me up the stairs because I was stuck.
I was just stuck.
And my cousin started crying from laughing.
And I was like, okay, maybe.
Stuck in a split.
Yeah.
Many such stories in my life.
I love them loading you into the ambulance and you're still in a split.
On a gurney.
Yeah, on a gurney.
11 years old.
They're pushing you through the hospital court.
It's like the pit, but they're pushing you through in a split.
11 year old stuck in a split.
Third one today.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Welcome to the pit.
They have a special device.
They have a special device that gets you out of the split.
Yeah.
So I don't know.
Many cases such as this in my life.
And one of my like all time favorites is Cat Williams.
And when I think of like my favorite jokes of his, I'm like, oh yeah, they're the ones where he has like very physical.
Yeah.
Act outs.
I mean, like somehow not sweating out that perm.
God bless that man.
Yeah.
And I think also like growing up in the church huge, huge element of physicality in that obviously, in performance, in that.
And then I just like, I don't know.
I felt like I just was like, oh yeah, I have these really long limbs.
Like I wonder what happens when they just keep going.
And I like how it feels also when I can play with like how little space I'm taking up and how still I'm being, and then like how ridiculous I get to be too occasionally in my life people have asked me about directing something.
And my answer is always, I've never thought about it.
It's not something I aspire to.
I don't know anything about that.
You've got to find someone else.
And I realized that I have a vision and that I'm directing things all the time when we make comedy, but whenever but I have a- Dictating.
Dictating.
Yeah.
Thank you.
With an iron fist.
No, I'm fine.
And an iron dick.
Let's take it easy there.
I've been there.
Years between you.
Who am I but a spectator?
I think of Sherman Mao as a director, if you will.
But anyway, I know that you directed an episode in season three of The Bear, The Napkin.
Yeah, yeah.
And you got an award for it.
Yeah, I got a nomination.
I got a DJ nomination.
I'm going to say an award because once you get that, it's an honor to be nominated.
You won the Oscar for best directing in a TV show.
A TV show.
Yeah, the first one.
First time it's ever happened.
A lifetime achievement Oscar for best directing in a TV show.
For 75 years of work, you beat Lucille Ball's Ghosts.
And my mom was pissed.
Yeah, we were all really mad.
We thought that was fucked up.
But I, at my age, do not have the courage to say, let me direct that.
And you did and did a great job.
Thanks.
What drove you or what did you summon in yourself?
Or were you encouraged by the creator?
Definitely encouraged.
Definitely encouraged.
I've known Kristen since I was like 22.
And I think, well, the first time we met was at a John and Viddy's.
And there's like probably two people.
This is Chris Storer?
Yeah, there's probably like two clear pictures of Chris Storer like online, because he does not go outside.
That man is inside.
And like, and it's aided by his own like also like he missed the Emmys where we like the first Emmys where we like won everything because he got COVID, because he went outside the house.
But he was also like, I get to be at home.
That's very Chris's vibe.
So we met at a John and Vinny's and he was like yeah listen, I'm probably going to be here for about like 30 minutes, but I've met you.
We're going to work together again.
And also you're a director.
And I was like, cool.
See you on set whenever.
Also, you're crazy.
And then Bear started happening again, maybe, you know, I was like 26 or something.
Yeah, 25, 26.
And and that whole time like we would just talk about movies, TV shows, things that we liked and writing, producing.
We were just always talking about these things.
And I at the time didn't realize it, but he was speaking to me as if I was another director and would ask me questions, thoughts and also ask me why.
Like, why was I thinking this thing?
Where was it coming from?
Oh, what would you do?
Or, oh, that's interesting.
Like, here's this story.
Oh, maybe when you work on something else you should talk to the other director like see how that goes.
And then kind of around the second season more intentionally.
He was like I'm thinking about this thing for you.
Like, I think that this could be cool.
Do you think that this could be cool?
And if you do, like, are you going to put in the work?
And so then I just really I think I was nervous about I don't like undertaking anything if I'm not going to be able to like do my best.
And so I just really was like OK, I'm going to like try to learn top to bottom what this actually means.
Because I think I also didn't really have an idea of what that job actually was.
Although you'd been around, you'd been on set and you had been directed.
Yes.
So you probably had some sense of, OK, this is single camera.
I kind of see what they're doing here.
But like, what does it mean?
And also like can I do this if I feel like I don't know everything about every type of camera and every type of lens?
You know, like I think my fear was like i had to know everything, but then it's actually like well, you should know a good amount, but also like be able to know enough to help facilitate the people who like, who actually are experts on the thing i feel like and yeah.
So anyway, he just really aided me.
And then i think i remember during bottoms, rachel and i were talking about it, we were like, oh yeah, like we do also do a certain amount of like directing and like thinking about things and shots, and we do have like ideas.
You have opinions.
Yeah, we have opinions, but they're not just like based in us being actors.
Also, like we are thinking about the shot, like we are thinking about like what would be funniest for the frame, or like okay like, make sure you get this insert actually, or like, even though me, as an actor, I might want to do this joke in a certain way because it would serve my performance, like actually, if I, if I do less here, it's it's better for like, the movie overall, or if i, you know, like whatever, think things like that.
And so yeah, then i just uh, kind of just, kind of went in and everything.
Every day that i wasn't working.
I was on set with chris, i was shadowing him or i was shouting other guest directors.
Then if i wasn't on bear and i was on another show, i would basically be shadowing the director, even if the director didn't know it.
So, do you have the bug now, do you see?
Do you see yourself directing more?
I do, but not anytime soon, because I mean, unless something comes up that's like really, you know, I don't know something really cool that is like inspiring me.
I think it's a sort of thing where I'm like oh, I actually love this so much that I want like to take my time and have the next thing be really right, and um, i'm like writing again for me too, and or not for me, for myself, for other things too um, because i've i've missed that also, like i've missed, in a weird way, like being in a room just writing for other people who have like other things that they can do, and so i've been writing again.
And yeah, you co-wrote an episode for season four.
Yeah, i did.
That's cool yeah, which i'm excited, which i'm excited.
The best quality to have is just to be curious and be kind of voracious and just I want to know more.
I want to know more and I want to evolve.
And that is also, I mean, it's at the risk of this turning into a seminar.
I think these are all really good things for especially young people starting out to hear that there is no secret formula.
Also, luck is a huge part.
Luck is a huge part.
People that don't give it up for luck need a beating.
Give it up for luck.
Give it up for luck.
Yay!
No, but even like I feel like lucky enough that, like when I was in rooms, that the people who were like my bosses were also people who fostered curiosity.
I worked on, I don't know, on Big Mouth.
Yeah.
And like Nick is somebody cruel.
Nick Kroll.
Is somebody cruel um brackets, but like Nick, is somebody where I'm like oh, you're very curious and also like you know that, like when you are checking out young comedians who are doing things that people are responding to and you're still making sure you get time on stage and you're figuring out like what's going on, you're inviting these people to like be collaborators and share those ideas.
Like that only makes you better, like that keeps you active, like that keeps you going um, and you actually let those people like work or like if they're interested in certain areas in the room or on stage or whatever you're like you're bringing, you're bringing them around, you're like showing them um, these things.
I always say you make a decision early in your career be threatened by other really funny people or just go towards them and try and evolve from them.
Go towards them threateningly.
Yes, well, that was implied.
Go towards them with a mallet or a large stick and then try and beat them until they get out of the business, clearing the path for yourself.
And others.
I attacked Odenkirk many times back in the day, in the 80s.
That's somebody else where.
It's like he and Naomi when I first came out to LA.
They let me stay in their guest bedroom.
Did you get the bill yet?
Yeah.
Because they did that with me, too.
And then later on, $600,000 for three months.
To be fair, Fabergé egg in the room.
But...
Which you're free to keep.
Quite a pretty penny.
I also want to congratulate you on becoming I mean, you started this joke, which was you improvised a joke about being Irish.
And then you kept going.
And there's this crucial point where a joke either becomes like, okay, that's enough.
I've done it enough.
I should stop.
Or you double, triple, and quadruple down on it and refuse to let it go.
Yeah.
Which you did because you made a joke about being Irish.
And now it has resonated so much that the people of Ireland have accepted you as one of their own, which they will not do with me.
Sorry, brother.
I am a figure of great shame in Ireland.
She's getting all the accolades.
You got a day in Boston and you're revered by the Irish people.
I am rightfully loathed by the Irish and never a day in Boston.
Yeah.
I think your day could come.
Is what I'll say about that.
I got to keep at it.
I'm clear about the Irish relations.
We'll do we'll do the best.
Yeah.
I just like I think like I remember talking about this with a friend.
I was like, my favorite type of joke low key might be a lie.
Like something where it's like it's it's almost not even funny.
It's mostly just funny to me.
I remember in that moment I saw like my like my like PR.
She was at the corner of my eye and she was kind of like.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Because I was just like, it was just such... Depends on what the lie was.
Nonsense.
It was just me being like, oh, yeah, you know, I was up in Ireland and I was kind of chilling.
I see.
Okay, good, good.
She was like, okay.
Mental breakdown sort of on the horizon.
And then, yeah, I don't know.
It just kept going.
But then also like...
Other Irish people, too, have been like, what's up?
And I'm like, yeah, what's up?
Didn't you claim that you were the donkey?
Yeah, I was Jenny the donkey.
You were the donkey in Banshee's Adventure.
I'm a good actor.
You are a very good actor.
I can do comedy and drama, Conan, and animal work.
I'm sort of like the Andy Serkis of the equine family.
I love that your attitude is don't put me in a box.
I can be the donkey and banshees of Innesheeran.
That's true, though.
Yeah, exactly.
I owe you an apology.
I will think about how I feel about it.
Yeah.
How much longer do we have on the clock?
You have six more days here.
Great.
Yeah, we're going to bring in some water for you.
By day four, I will have made a decision.
It is a delight talking to you.
It's over?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's it.
I mean, we can go more if you want.
But what are we really going to do?
You're going to quickly look at me and go, God, he's so sickly.
Or, or, or.
I don't know.
It's fine.
Yeah.
It's all right.
What the hell was going on there?
I was like, I don't know.
I thought maybe...
That was adorable.
I thought it was adorable what you were doing.
He is sick.
He's terminal.
And also, I'm going to tell you something.
You were late.
You were three minutes late to this podcast listen.
I just you know.
I think professionalism is important.
Okay.
Then I'll just say that for real, for real, like you're on, like one of my, I mean you're talking about your influences.
I feel like you're one of mine and in a major way.
So this is really cool to get to be here with you before we put you on a ventilator.
Yeah, ventilators coming.
Yeah, i am, i am uh no, and i i.
I get a lot of optimism and energy by meeting all these young people that are out there doing it the right way and and so talented and taking all these chances and doing such good work, and you also have just such a great spirit, so it's a joy having you here.
I hope you come back next time.
I see you way across the street.
I mean it, Let's run into oncoming traffic.
I'm going to run into oncoming traffic.
I would love to see you have a conversation with Tyler, the creator.
Yeah.
I mean, that would be great.
He doesn't even know who he is.
Oh, yeah.
No, I've looked him up in the phone book.
He's creator, Tyler, the creator, Conan, the destroyer.
He doesn't even know who he is.
Everybody knows Tyler, the creator.
He's the creator named Tyler.
He's in the phone book as creator, Tyler, the creator.
Oh, God, these people.
Idiots.
You're surrounded by idiots.
Surrounded by fools.
Charlatans.
Halfwits.
Dragging me into the muck.
As if you don't know, creator.
As if I don't know.
And all his assorted creations.
The things he's created?
Oh my God, don't get me started on the things Tyler's created.
Don't waste your breath on them.
I was going to start at the top.
I know, but don't.
Oh, Ayo stopped me from the longest list of Tyler's creations.
They don't deserve it.
There isn't time.
You're right, Ayo.
Thank you so much for being here.
Come back anytime and you make me happy.
Okay, like in two minutes or?
20 minutes.
Great.
Give me a 20 minute break.
Bye.
Bye.
Thank you.
We're going to go back to something we did way in the early stages of this podcast before.
It was like 1976.
Yeah.
It's maybe one of the dumbest things we've ever done on this podcast.
So I was absent for at least an episode.
I think it might've even been more than one episode around the Bob Newhart episode or something.
And this was back in the early days where I wasn't really on the mic that much.
And you used Adam as me, as a stand-in for me and never mentioned it on the podcast.
So he would just say, as me, you'd say like, I'm here with Matt Gourley.
And he'd Hi.
Why couldn't we just admit that, Matt, it's just such a funny.
Because it ended up being this thing that, when I came back, we decided to play a game with the two of you, where you turned around, closed your eyes and Adam and I both took turns saying hi, trying to get you to figure out which one of us was me.
That is so stupid.
Do you remember this?
Yes, I do remember this.
I do remember this being, and this is really saying something for me, height of idiocy.
And for me to say that.
Yeah.
And there was also no question when it was Adam and when it was me.
It wasn't even like... Also, the part that made it the dumbest is that we just kept taking turns.
And we didn't randomize it or anything.
Because we didn't think about it beforehand.
So what we're going to do today is we're going to try it again.
Okay.
And then we're also going to...
We're also going to add in Eduardo and Blade to the mix after that.
We'll do a round with just me and Adam.
Okay, so you guys are going to have to turn around or close your eyes.
And Adam, you got to come over to my mic so we're in the same area.
Do we do this?
It's more that you have to close your eyes.
Also, I have my eyes closed and my head down like I'm very sad.
I know.
Okay, and we will randomize this time.
Oh, wait.
This means I'm off mic.
Hold on.
I forgot about the microphone.
Here we go.
All right.
Hi.
That's Adam.
That's Adam.
Hi.
That's Matt.
Hi.
That's Matt.
That's Matt.
Hi.
Oh.
That's interesting.
Can we hear that one again?
Hi.
That's Matt.
That's Matt.
Hi.
That's Adam.
Hi.
Matt.
Hi.
Matt.
Hi.
That's Adam.
Your voices are so different.
You guys, I have news for you.
You guys both have completely different voices.
I'm proud to tell you, you scored 100%.
What?
It's not that.
Oh, my God.
You know what?
Your personalities come through.
Even in...
I mean, it's barely... Was this hard the first time?
No.
And we didn't know you as well then.
Yeah, I know.
That was in the early days.
Okay, now we're going to do it with all four of us.
Oh, yeah, that's going to be tough.
I don't know.
Eduardo... Eduardo says hola.
Our range is kind of... Eduardo's going to say hola.
Oh, my God.
And Clay is going to go, hey!
And everyone's going to have to adjust the board.
Matt tried so hard to make his voice sound so different.
It's always the same.
I love this game, and I don't know why, and I love it so much.
It's fun.
It's fun.
I do have to say you have to really concentrate, but people can't hide their essence.
Yes.
You know?
It's true.
Oh, my God.
Okay, so you two come over here, and Adam as well.
We're so stupid.
The way we're crouching and closing our eyes.
Quiet.
You've got to take this seriously.
We're so stupid.
And we'll make sure we're all on the camera, too.
I can't believe this is my job.
Okay.
This photo is going to be incredible.
All right, here we go.
Oh, my God.
And Sona, you have to wait a second.
You're just upset because I guessed it before.
No, no, no.
It's not that.
It's... Just lean in.
Because sometimes... Okay, go ahead.
And let's... Three, two... Hi.
Well, that sounds like Eduardo to me.
Samesies.
Oh, that still sounds like Eduardo to me.
No, that sounds like, I think that's Adam.
Hi.
Hold on.
Now they're coming too quickly.
Say again.
Hi.
That's.
Blay?
That's, I'm going to say that's Matt.
Hi.
That's Matt.
That's Matt.
That's Eduardo.
Yeah, it's Eduardo because I think it has a tilde on it.
Jesus Christ.
I felt a tilde fall to the floor and make a clanging sound.
Hi.
That's Eduardo.
I think that's Adam.
I think it's Adam after he's traveled.
What?
He spent some time traveling, and he's been watching a lot of football.
Hi.
Oh, my God.
That's Matt being a dick.
That's Matt just doing one of his bits.
Hi.
That's got to be Blay.
Blay.
Hi.
Just going so soft that we can barely hear you is a technique?
Try it again.
Hi.
Hi.
I think that's Blay.
I don't think Blay's capable of being that quiet.
But it was such, I was going to say, it's such belabored whispering that it feels like it's Blay.
When Blay goes through the TSA, the wand goes off and they confiscate 35 exclamation points.
Who was that?
Who was that?
Conan, that last one.
Let me hear it again.
I'm going to say it's Bray.
Okay, we're going to do one last round.
Hold on.
You have to tell us how we did.
We will.
Close your eyes.
We're going to do one last one.
We're going to do four in a row.
It's going to be each one of us does one, and you have to say in order which one of it is.
Okay.
Hi.
That's Matt.
No, don't say it.
Just remember.
Oh, shit.
I'm not going to remember.
I'm in my 80s.
Here we go.
We're going to start over.
Hi.
Okay.
Hi.
Hi.
Okay, I think it's Adam first, then Matt.
What do you think, Sona?
Adam, Matt, Blay, Eduardo.
Yeah.
Okay, we're opening our eyes.
Yes.
Wow.
This was a lot more difficult for you guys.
Yes, of course.
You only got four correct.
The both of you.
The both of you.
And what were the mistakes that we made?
Besides hiring you guys.
I'm not sure, but that last one.
I'm so glad I wasn't around for the first version.
The last one with the four of us, you both got right.
Yes.
All four in a row.
I didn't even have my headphones in the whole time.
Did I?
You did.
Oh, just kidding.
Why would you lie like that?
I thought you did.
You're a sociopath.
You know what's so great about this game?
Who lies about this game?
How competitive are you?
I don't think I have my headphones on.
We have video.
We do?
Well, what are you talking about?
You're the one going like, no, you can't just do it quiet.
You had all these complaints.
You always have to complain about the game when you're kind of like teetering on success.
Listen to me, please.
It's about time someone listened to me on this podcast.
When do I get a chance to speak?
Oh boy.
Said the idiot.
I do think it's a little unfair when it gets down to.
You're just like okay, now it's just a little bit of air.
That's all.
It's me.
Maybe I'm being a little fussy.
Fair enough.
The great thing about this game is it's not only fun and smart, but listeners can play at home as well.
Oh, yeah.
That's a really good point.
And you know what?
If people play this and enjoy it, we will figure out a way to make this into a game that you'd have to purchase.
Yeah.
Home edition.
A voice box, and you press it, and someone says hi, and you guess who it is.
Remember on Family Feud?
You're talking about a machine?
I was thinking it'd be like an app or something.
But you're talking about an actual machine?
I thought you meant like a board game, like Twister.
Yeah, I thought so too.
Like Family Feud when you get to take the board game home.
Yes.
You know what?
We could call it make hay while the sun shines.
And there's a little box and you hit it and it gives you a hay.
And if you correct, if you guess which of all of us it is, you get to advance your piece.
Yes.
Or haymaker.
No, haymaker.
No, it's high.
We're saying high.
They've been saying high.
Doesn't it sound like hey to you?
Hey.
No, we just heard it like 40 times.
It's high.
It's always been a high.
No one ever said hey.
This game has made everyone so dumb.
But that is why we should call it make high while the sun shines.
Yes.
Make high while the sun shines.
It sounded like hey to me.
I know that I have a problem.
You do.
I drink before the podcast and afterwards.
Could be a fun drinking game.
If you get it wrong, shoddy shot.
Yeah, but we need to figure out a way to make this something that we can profit from.
And I don't want the profits going to some charity.
I'm sorry.
We need to, you said.
No, I don't want.
No, I said we need to make this a game somehow.
We need to make it a game and then we need to profit from it.
And I don't want to hear about these sick kids.
I'm sick of that shit.
Hold on.
What is this we?
Because Adam and I came up and designed this game and we spent a lot of time on it.
We met outside of the podcast.
So you're basically, you work at Apple and you just went to Steve Jobs and said well, I thought of it while working for you.
Yeah.
So I don't think you should.
I'm an independent contractor.
I'm not in any kind of like.
Oh, you think that's going to work on Steve Jobs?
He's going to, just he's going to.
He's going to start, his head's going to start quivering a little bit.
I never signed a turtleneck.
And then your your brain is going to explode.
I'm taking this straight to smartless.
No, you know what?
If it's just the two of you saying hi with no one guessing, it's just two dicks in a microphone.
And so we got another title.
That's the name.
That's the name.
Two dicks in a mic.
Two dicks in a mic.
But there's so many dicks and I think all of us need to do it.
Two dicks and a mic would sell.
And, you know, I'll just call it four dicks and a mic is a good title.
That's better than my, you know, God, I thought they said, hey, and they said, hi, whatever.
OK, that was wrong.
But I think I think it's called four dicks.
You're over simple.
You thought they said, hey, after you heard them say hi so many times.
Do you know that I was in a lot of accidents when I was a kid?
A lot of head injuries and that I was beaten constantly by my brother, Neil.
And still, when I go home to Brookline Mass, I'm still beaten by my brother, Neil.
Okay, then we can call it hey and just say hi.
No, no, no.
We've got the title.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
No, it's four.
What do you mean?
Because you have two people at home guessing.
I mean, if it's a home version, it's six of us, right?
All of us saying hi.
Yes.
So it's six.
Your voices are too distinct.
I can change mine.
Listen to this.
Just say hi.
Why aren't you saying hi?
Because I'm too outside the box for that.
You always want Picasso to paint inside the lines.
Can you do hi like Goral's?
Hi.
That's girls and Michael.
That's girls and Michael Jackson.
Oh my God.
So do you try.
And in the background, you hear bubbles.
I'm going to do it.
Hi.
Okay, you're just getting quiet.
Anyway, hey, if you're interested.
Oh, that was a good one.
Excuse me.
Hi.
If you're interested in six dicks and a mic being a game, and listen, this isn't some free thing.
This has got to be something.
People are going to think that's porn.
Six dicks and a mic?
That's why they're going to buy it, and then they're going to get it and they're going to think wow, six dicks and a mic.
But what is the mic?
Why is there not a camera?
It's a guy named Mike.
Six dicks and a mic.
Six dicks and a mic.
And you know what?
If people buy it thinking it's porn and then they find out that it's this, they get in the mail this cardboard board game with pegs with our faces on it and a little box you hit that randomly goes hi hey, hi.
Now we have to make this.
We have to make this.
That's what's in the box, but on the cover is a dude named Mike.
Yeah, yeah, shirtless, all oiled up.
Yes, that's the cover.
It's six dicks and a mic.
The cover is very male porn.
Yeah.
And then you open it up, and it's this game that we...
And Adam, I want to make sure the worst people make this, that it's very cheaply made.
And do they still, can you still get, I want it to be made of something that's kind of toxic.
Yeah.
Is there a Parker brother who's been outcast from the other Parker brothers?
Yeah, Parker Posey.
It's Parker Posey.
Okay.
Anyway, we're going to be looking for this soon.
It's going to be available.
Six dicks and a mic coming soon to an alley near you.
Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ovsessian, and Matt Gourley.
Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao.
Theme song by The White Stripes.
Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
Take it away, Jimmy.
Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair.
And our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.
Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.
Additional production support by Mars Melnick.
Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brit Kahn.
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