Can you help me with the task my boss assigned?
Yes, I'm always ready.
Can you please fix his file for me?
This afternoon I'm going out with my girlfriend.
Okay, have fun. Do you want to hang out with us?
We feel sad without you.
Actually, I have a test, but...
Alright, let's go. I hope you're really kind.
Buy me a cup of coffee, will you?
Sorry, I can. I still have work to do.
Is that okay? Sure!
Oh no, I should have said no.
If you find yourself in this situation then you might be a people pleaser.
A people pleaser often says yes when they really want to say no or they feel worried because someone isn't happy with them.
So what does it mean to be a people pleaser?
Why is it a problem?
And how can you change this behavior?
A people pleaser is someone who always tries to keep others happy, even if it means they aren't happy themselves.
They say yes to everything because they don't want to let anyone down.
They always put other people's needs before their own.
This might sound kind, but it can cause many problems too.
Being a people pleaser can make you feel tired and stressed.
You might feel like you're always doing things for others, not for yourself.
This can make you feel unhappy and even sick.
It's important to remember that your happiness matters too.
Let's look at some common signs of people pleasing.
One big sign is finding it hard to say no.
People pleasers often say yes to things they don't really want to do.
They might agree to help a friend move, even if they're tired or busy.
They might say yes to extra work, even if they need rest.
Another sign is putting others' needs first.
This means you always do what others want, even if it's not what you want.
For example, you might eat at a restaurant you don't like because your friend wants to.
Or you might watch a movie you don't enjoy because your family wants to watch it.
Feeling worried when others are happy is another sign.
People pleasers often worry about what others think of them.
They don't want anyone to be upset with them.
This can make them feel very anxious and stressed.
They might spend a lot of time thinking about what they said or did, wondering if it upset someone else.
Why do some people always try to please others instead of just saying no?
There are a few reasons.
One reason is that they lack confidence.
People who don't feel good about themselves may try to make others happy to feel better.
They might believe that, if others like them, they'll feel better about themselves.
Another reason is the fear of being rejected.
People pleasers often worry that, if they say no, others will stop liking them.
They may think that, if they don't do what others want, they will be left out.
The need to be accepted is another reason.
People pleasers want everyone to like and accept them.
They might think that, if they always say yes, people will like them more.
So is there any way you can stop this from happening again?
One important thing is to set healthy boundaries.
This means knowing what you are okay with and what you are not.
It means saying no when you need to, without feeling bad about it.
To set healthy boundaries, you need to know your limit.
Think about what you're okay with and what you're not.
For example, if you don't want to work on weekends, make that a boundary.
If you need time alone to relax, that can be a boundary too.
It's also important to clearly communicate your boundaries.
Let others know what you can and can't do.
You can say, I'm sorry, but I can't help you with that.
Or, I need some time for myself right now.
It's okay to put yourself first sometimes.
Learning to say no is a big part of setting boundaries.
Saying no can be hard, but it's very important.
It helps you take care of yourself and shows others that your time and needs matter too.
Here are some ways to say no politely and confidently.
I'm sorry, but I can't do that right now.
Thank you for asking, but I have other plans.
I appreciate your offer, but I need to rest.
I can't help with that, but maybe another time?
These sentences show that you respect the other person, but also respect yourself.
It's okay to say no.
Remember, you can't do everything for everyone all the time.
So what is the purpose of this advice?
It's so you can take care of yourself, both mentally and physically.
It helps you practice self -care.
Taking care of yourself is very important, and if you're always trying to make others happy, you might forget to make yourself happy too.
Self -care means doing things that bring you joy and comfort.
Make time for activities you enjoy.
This could be reading a book, going for a walk, or spending time with friends.
It's important to do things that make you feel good.
You deserve to be happy too.
Also, take care of your body.
Eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly.
When your body feels good, your mind feels good too.
Reflecting on how we interact with others is very important.
Think about the last time you agreed to do something for someone else.
Did you really want to do it, or did you say yes because you felt like you had to?
How did this make you feel afterwards?
If you felt stressed, tired, or unhappy, it could mean that you're making others happy, but hurting yourself at the same time.
It's important to notice these feelings and ask yourself if your actions are helping or hurting you.
Taking time to reflect can help you make better choices in the future.
I also want to share a story about myself.
As a sensitive person, I easily notice everything said around me.
People around me know this, but they don't realize how much I take in.
When I was a student, I agreed to every outing, even though it left me tired and exhausted when I got home.
Everyone else enjoyed it, so I thought I needed to get used to it to fit in.
When my grades started to drop and I stopped enjoying school, I realized how important my feelings and wellbeing are.
I thought carefully about those past events.
If any relationship makes me feel uncomfortable, I will limit how often I meet and go out with them.
Before agreeing to any occasion, I will ask myself if I feel comfortable and needed in that situation.
Now, I'm not afraid to say no.
I know that people will still like me, even if I don't always say yes.
I'm much happier now, and my relationships are better too.
In short, trying too hard to please others can be bad for you, but recognizing the signs and reasons is the first step to making a change.
By setting clear limits, learning to say no, taking care of yourself, and thinking about your actions, you can take better care of yourself and have healthier relationships.
Remember, it's okay to put yourself first sometimes.
You deserve to be happy and healthy.
