I was lost, lazy and unmotivated until I did this.
What I'm about to share with you today is a step by step formula for how to not be lazy, to find motivation, to discover discipline and actually make a shift in your life.
Now, if you don't, you can often get into the spiral of feeling like you're ruining everything.
Let me break it down for you.
I'd wake up tired, scroll for hours, lie to myself about tomorrow and still wonder why nothing in my life was changing.
I wasn't broken, but I felt like I was wasting my potential every single day.
The truth is, I almost let it all slip away.
My purpose, my drive, the people I love.
What I'm about to share with you, pulled me out of that spiral.
And if any part of this sounds like you, you need to hear it.
Step number one, lower the bar, way lower.
The hardest part isn't doing the thing.
It's starting the thing.
Set the smallest possible action step, so small it feels ridiculous not to do it.
Now, why should you lower the bar?
Everyone's always telling you to achieve more, to think bigger, to do more.
Why is Jay telling me to lower the bar?
Well, here's the truth.
We don't fail because we're not capable.
We fail because we set the bar so high we never get started.
We imagine we need a perfect plan, a perfect morning routine, a perfect burst of motivation.
But perfection kills momentum.
And momentum, not motivation, is what actually changes your life.
Now here's the psychology behind it.
It's something known as the activation barrier.
Behavioral science shows that the hardest part of any task isn't doing it, it's starting it.
That first moment takes the most mental energy.
So when you lower the bar, when you make the first step laughably easy, you bypass resistance.
Don't work out for an hour.
Just put on your shoes.
Don't write 10 pages.
Just open the document.
Don't eat healthy forever.
Just drink one glass of water.
Once you're moving, your dopamine system kicks in, effort itself becomes rewarding.
Action creates motivation, not the other way around.
I can't express to you just how big a point this is.
The goal is to get started, to do the smallest thing.
If you're thinking I need to start a business well, the first step may actually just be registering a company or getting a trademark on a name, or building the minimum viable product version, which may start with a phone call to a friend who could be a mentor.
The point is to write down what you want to build and then write down every step to get there, almost thinking of it like a stepladder.
And just like a stepladder, you'll now place one foot in front of the other and then the next.
Another reason why this works is because it's called the tiny habits effect.
BJ Fogg, a Stanford behavioral scientist, found that habits stick when they start smaller than your resistance.
When you make the bar low enough to win, even on your worst days, you train your brain to associate action with success, not shame.
That's how you rewire self-belief.
Lowering the bar isn't giving up.
It's giving yourself a chance to show up.
Now, this affects your confidence loop.
Every time you follow through on something small, you build self-trust.
And that trust becomes confidence.
Confidence isn't built by big wins.
It's built by micro promises kept.
You start to think, I can rely on me.
And that's how you shift from lazy to consistent, from overwhelmed to grounded.
And here's the truth.
We raise the bar to impress others.
We lower the bar to take care of ourselves.
One is performance.
The other is peace.
When you lower the bar, you start winning again, not in a way that looks good, but in a way that feels good.
And the real result, lowering the bar isn't lowering your potential.
It's raising your consistency.
And consistency compounds into results that perfection never delivers.
One of my favorite quotes is that you should start so small it's impossible to fail, and then repeat it until it's impossible to stop.
This leverages the Zygarnik effect.
Your brain hates unfinished tasks and will naturally want to complete them once you start.
Momentum before motivation.
Remember, action before enthusiasm.
Just take one step forward.
One small step.
Do the easiest thing you can.
Do the simplest thing you can.
Do one thing, not everything, just one thing.
Step number two, focus on building a ritual, not a routine.
Routines rely on willpower.
I remember times in my life where I just didn't have any willpower.
I would just feel like I would break down even before starting.
Rituals are different.
They rely on association.
You do the same cue before the same task every day.
Same place, same playlist, same coffee mug.
For me.
I know that if I listen to meditation music from the moment I wake up, I can now lock into my meditation quicker, after brushing my teeth and having a shower.
I know that I work out straight after meditating, so my brain and body are already prepared and ready for that.
Over time, your brain links that cue to productivity through classical conditioning.
It's Pavlov's dog, but you're the dog and the bell.
One creator lights a candle before writing.
The brain learns candle equals focus mode.
The point is that you're creating a cue that leads you to that activity.
I'll give you another example.
You get home from work, you walk in through the door and you have jazz music playing, because jazz music tells your body it's time to relax and calm down.
Otherwise you walk into your home and you're still carrying all of that energy with you.
That simple cue can make a shift.
I remember one of my clients telling me that they loved leaving their yoga mat already rolled out next to their bed so they could literally roll off their bed and onto the yoga mat and start practicing yoga.
Other people leave their shoes by the door, their running shoes, so that they remember to put them on and go for a jog, go for a walk or maybe even a long run.
What does this do?
It makes the cue and the association easier for you to follow through, right?
If you have your vitamins and supplements right near your breakfast every day, you're more likely to take them.
If you have them in a bottle or a jar, that's somewhere else in your bedroom or in your house, it's going to take you forever to get there.
How can you make it easier and simpler on your brain and your body to make the shifts you want to make?
Step number three, break the dopamine addiction cycle.
Laziness often isn't lack of motivation.
It's dopamine burnout from cheap rewards, scrolling, snacking, streaming.
The reason these are cheap rewards is that they feel good in the beginning but they feel terrible afterwards.
This is known as something called rajas or the mode of passion in the Bhagavad Gita.
When you do things in the mode of passion, they feel amazing at the start, but they feel like poison in the end.
We all know what that feels like when you've wasted so many hours scrolling.
You've just been eating junk food for the whole weekend.
You've flooded your reward system with micro hits.
So real work, which pays off later, feels impossible.
Here's what I want you to try.
Do a 24-hour dopamine detox.
No endless scrolling. no junk food or background noise, no passive consumption.
Your brain resets sensitivity to effort and reward.
Suddenly reading, writing, or lifting doesn't feel like pushing a rock uphill.
And you'll actually notice how even your taste buds changed.
I've noticed that if I go a week without sugar, My taste buds are rewiring.
If you go a week without junk food, it doesn't even taste as good afterwards.
Because what we have to recognize is you have to notice what's numbing you.
Ask yourself, what do I reach for when I'm bored, anxious, or tired?
That's your cheap dopamine.
Usually your phone, snacks, or endless scrolling.
You can't change what you don't notice.
The next thing you need to do is do that 24-hour detox.
One day, no social media, no junk food, no background noise, just a reset.
And you'll be amazed how quickly your brain gets quiet again.
Here's a tip.
Delete the apps for a day.
Not your accounts, just delete the apps.
Lower the barrier to starting.
Remember that point number one.
The next thing you have to realize is we have to replace the quick hits with real ones.
One of the biggest mistakes we make in habit change is we try to cut out the bad stuff, but we don't replace it with anything.
When you cut the fake dopamine, you need real reward.
Move your body instead.
Cook something.
Walk outside.
Call someone.
Don't forget that point.
You want to do activities that feel good after, not the ones that feel good before.
Cheap dopamine numbs you now and drains you later.
Real dopamine costs you effort but gives you energy.
It's so interesting to me how so many of us are numbing ourselves from pain, the escape, rather than elevating, energizing and being able to cope with it.
Step number four is add friction.
Just like we wanted to make good habits easier, make bad habits a little harder to do.
Keep your phone in another room while you work.
This has worked wonders for me.
When I'm trying to go do deep work, I will be on my laptop, which is not connected to any of the apps, and I will leave the phone in my bedroom.
This has transformed my life.
Truly has transformed my life.
I can actually do deep work again.
I can actually sit there and write and process my thoughts without something buzzing every 15 seconds and grabbing my attention away.
Don't look at your phone first thing in the morning.
You would never let 100 people walk into your bedroom before you've brushed your teeth or washed your face or put on makeup.
But you will happily let 100 people walk into the bedroom of your mind before you've even woken up.
It's like someone's telling you to reply to this report.
Someone's telling you to reply to this message.
Someone's telling you what you didn't do yesterday.
Imagine everyone crowded around your bed screaming and yelling at you.
That's what it feels like.
Turn off notifications.
Log out every night.
If scrolling takes five extra seconds, you'll do it less because your phone is away.
It's in another room.
It's that simple.
And look, here's the thing.
I know it's hard to leave your phone out of the room.
I know it's hard to focus and do the work.
I'm not saying it's easy.
It's actually been built against us.
The algorithm is designed to target our flaws and weaknesses.
The algorithm's goal is not to make you happy.
The algorithm's goal is not to make you successful.
The algorithm's goal is to keep you glued and keep scrolling.
It's going to keep showing you things that are engaging.
It's going to keep showing you things that it thinks are going to keep you there, because it kept your friends there.
That's how the algorithm thinks.
You're not going to beat it by willpower.
You're going to beat it by distance.
When you have distance from this, you can actually detox.
The next step is to relearn boredom.
Boredom is not the enemy, it's a reset button.
Let yourself be bored for 10 minutes a day.
No phone, no music, just quiet.
That's where your brain remembers how to focus again.
I remember Yuval Noah Harari coming on the podcast and we talked about maybe around five years ago now six years ago the importance of boredom.
We have filled our spaces of boredom with apps, with social media, with distractions.
Not realizing that boredom can lead to curiosity, rest, and breakthroughs.
Allowing yourself to practice boredom for 10 minutes a day.
You're not reading a book.
You're not distracted by the television.
You're not on your phone talking to someone.
To truly do nothing for 10 minutes a day.
And notice how in the first day you'll feel pretty uncomfortable.
Day two, you might actually be going crazy.
Day three, things will start to settle.
Day four, you might actually feel more alert.
Day five, you might have some amazing ideas.
Day six, you'll think, why didn't I do this earlier?
And day seven, you will have reset yourself.
See, so many of us are making mistakes in our life because we haven't reset ourselves.
We keep making the same mistakes again and again and again because we've never reset.
Allowing yourself to truly reset the system.
Think about your devices.
When they've been overused, overworked, overwhelmed, they need to reset, to refresh.
Humans are the same.
We do it every night when we sleep. but we also need to do it away from all of these devices.
The next step is reward effort, not outcomes.
You finished a task, take a walk, stretch, write it down.
Small wins release dopamine too and train your brain to crave effort instead of escape.
So many of us stop doing things that are good for us because we don't remember how good they were.
You'll remember when you went to work and there was traffic, there was an accident.
Your brain actually holds onto it.
But when the road was smooth, you never remember it.
You don't remember how you felt after you worked out in a week.
You do remember the stress you feel before you go to work out.
The brain holds on to negative experiences.
We have a negativity bias.
Because as you know, back in the day, if you missed a berry, it didn't matter.
But if you missed a tiger, that meant life or death.
So you're wired to notice negativity more.
We remember the bad times more than the good times.
Because when something bad happens, we cry for a month.
And when something good happens, we celebrate for one night.
We don't know how to deeply immerse ourselves in what's going well.
So it's so important to recognize small wins, to recognize small moments of growth, to really take a step forward and give yourself an honest acknowledgement of the amount of work you're putting in.
We don't give ourselves enough credit.
And when you don't give yourself enough credit, You don't give yourself the momentum, inspiration and enthusiasm to continue.
But hey, we're the quickest to blame ourselves.
We're so quick to guilt ourselves.
We're so quick to shame ourselves.
But notice how we're not as quick to credit ourselves.
We're not as quick to notice our growth.
We're not as quick to acknowledge ourselves. the steps we've made forward.
And it's because of that that we stay held back.
It's because of that that we can't move forward, because we don't recognize that we've already been taking steps.
The next step is to protect your first and last hour.
No phone for 60 minutes.
Move, stretch, or go outside.
At night, your screen off 60 minutes before bed.
Let your brain rest and reset.
You'll sleep better, focus faster, and feel human again.
Starve the fake dopamine so you can taste the real kind again.
You're not lazy.
Social media is truly addictive.
You're not unmotivated.
The algorithm controls you.
You're not broken.
You're being manipulated.
You're not failing to focus.
Your attention is being farmed.
You're not the problem.
You're the product.
So let's take our ownership back.
The next thing I want you to try is use the five minute rule.
Now what's the five minute rule?
It's simple.
Commit to doing something for just five minutes. then you can stop if you want.
That's it.
You tell your brain, I'm not doing the whole thing.
I'm just doing five minutes.
I'm not doing a one hour workout.
I'm just doing five minutes.
I'm not going to write for an hour.
I'm just doing five minutes.
The trick, once you start, you almost never stop.
Here's why it works.
It bypasses resistance.
The hardest part of any task isn't doing it.
Psychologists call this the activation barrier the mental energy needed to shift from thinking to doing.
Five minutes is too small to trigger fear, perfectionism, or overwhelm.
Your brain says, fine, five minutes is nothing.
I can do that.
But once you're in motion, inertia takes over and it's easier to keep going than to stop.
The brain resists starting, not continuing.
Listen to that again.
The brain resists starting, not continuing, which is why, if you convince yourself to do a five-minute workout, you might do a 10-minute workout.
But if you convince yourself to do a 60-minute workout, you might not even show up.
Research from behavioral activation therapy shows, once you start a task, your motivation increases because of the task, not before it.
One of my favorite quotes from Zig Ziglar is you don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.
So make starting easy.
Don't make it optional.
Here's how you do that.
Step number one, choose one task you're resisting.
Something specific.
Answering an email, working out, cleaning your room, writing.
Step two, set a five minute timer.
Physically set it.
The act of seeing the countdown helps focus.
Step number three, tell yourself you can stop when the alarm rings.
Give yourself full permission to quit after five minutes.
And step number four, start and watch what happens.
Nine times out of 10, you'll keep going.
If you don't, no problem.
You've still built momentum and self-trust.
And if you really want to make this work, create accountability that hurts.
We overestimate self-discipline and underestimate social friction.
Make the cost of inaction visible.
Tell a friend your goal.
Post a daily update on social media.
Bet $20 against your friend as to who's going to get there to the gym.
We're wired to avoid loss.
Loss aversion is 2.5 times more powerful than reward seeking.
So make doing nothing painful.
Here's the rule.
If it's easy to skip, you will.
Make skipping expensive.
And here's the final step.
End each day with a three-minute review.
Write down three things you did right, no matter how small.
This trains your reticular activating system to notice progress, not problems.
So many of us will end the day and think of all the things we did wrong, all the mistakes we made, all the things we should have done, could have done, would have done.
This rewires us to notice what we did right so we can be better tomorrow.
Progress equals dopamine.
Dopamine equals momentum.
Momentum equals motivation.
Celebrate consistency, not perfection.
When you're focused on perfection, you'll never feel like you're moving forward.
When you focus on the word healed or fixed, you'll never feel like you're healing or growing.
When you focus on growth, which means 1 better every day, one step further every day, your life will start to change.
I really hope this helps you take action.
I really hope this helps you get out of feeling lazy.
And I really hope this helps you shift.
Remember, I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting for you.
Thank you so much for listening to this conversation.
If you enjoyed it, you'll love my chat with Adam Grant on why discomfort is the key to growth and the strategies for unlocking your hidden potential.
If you know you want to be more and achieve more this year go check it out right now.
You set a goal today, you achieve it in six months, and then, by the time it happens, it's almost a relief.
There's no sense of meaning and purpose.
You sort of expected it and you would have been disappointed if it didn't happen.
