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How do I know if I'm ready to find love?
Thanks for asking.
Opening oneself up to love sounds pretty simple, and yet many people say they want it while still protecting themselves without realizing.
You see, being open to love isn't just about wanting a relationship because you fear being alone or because you long for connection.
So what's the real difference between wanting love and genuinely being ready for it?
We often look for in love what we have lost elsewhere.
Security, recognition, meaning.
The desire for a relationship can sometimes hide a need to heal.
Being ready to love then, is about meeting someone without expecting them to fix what is broken in us.
Are you saying someone has to be fully healed before entering a new relationship?
Thankfully not, but loving someone does require an awareness of your own wounds.
That's really the key distinction.
It's no longer about expecting someone else to fill an inner void, but about accepting that they can walk alongside you.
To meet a soulmate, you have to also leave room for surprise and chance.
We tend to have too many fixed ideas about what meeting someone should look like.
The place, the feeling, the emotions, the butterflies in the stomach and the sweaty palms.
It makes sense as, after all, we live in an uncertain world environmentally, socially and economically.
So certainty reassures us.
But in reality that's all too prescriptive.
That desire for control simply creates an illusion that we can avoid disappointment and pain.
So how can you tell if you're in the right frame of mind then?
Well, there are a few signs that tend to come up again and again.
A key one is the ability to stay true to yourself.
The most stable relationships are those where people don't over adapt out of fear of losing the other person.
Another clear sign is that you no longer confuse intensity with attachment.
You don't get attached too quickly just because someone chooses you and you're not afraid of being on your own.
Longing and anxiety are not signs of love, rather they're warning signals.
So perhaps the real question is not am I ready to find love, But am I able to remain myself?
And finally, it's important to assess your commitment readiness before taking the plunge.
A Psychology Today feature on commitment readiness referred to it as an overall sense that you're open to entering a relationship and willing to put in the work that's necessary to maintain said relationship.
After all, a relationship requires devoting a lot of time and mental energy, which may be too much for a person who's focused on career advancement, caregiving or healing from a past relationship.
There you have it.
Now you know how to know when you're ready to find love.
In under three minutes, we answer your questions and help you understand the true meaning behind the trends, concepts and acronyms that are making headlines.
Listen along and you will really know for sure.
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