Hey, everybody, it's Robin, and I am honored to be here with you for another Dear Headspace.
Now, today I am joined by none other than Eve.
Oh, and we also have Chris here, who is one of our Headspace coaches.
He's going to be joining us as well.
And today we've got questions about getting angry when people ask how you're doing, not feeling grateful enough, and we have a question about when stomach issues can cause anxiety while eating.
So let's get right to it.
Have you ever wished you had a wise meditation teacher on speed dial?
Someone you can call after a long day.
Someone you could lean on for their advice.
Someone to listen and help you to see things differently.
Welcome to Dear Headspace, a podcast where I sit with a meditation teacher and we answer your questions.
Hi, friends.
How are y'all doing today?
Hello.
Hey, hey.
Everything's good.
Everyone's good.
I'm excited to be here with you.
Very excited.
That was like a question that came out like, are you excited to be here with me?
That's kind of how that came out.
You could hear that, right?
You are happy to be here, aren't you?
Well, I
I think it's kind of funny that I asked you how you're doing, because our very first question is from Hannah, who's having a hard time when people are asking her how she's doing.
So I think maybe this is a great transition into her question to see if we can help a little.
I think it is.
Let's do it.
All right, here we go.
Hi, Headspace.
My name is Hannah and I am from the Netherlands.
So lately I have been staying at home for a couple of months now two to two burnout and depression overall just not doing well.
And so lately obviously people have been asking me how I'm doing and I have noticed that this question brings up a lot of anger and annoyance and I never know how to answer the question, so I try to avoid it or laugh at it.
And I was wondering if you can help me approach this question in a more mindful way, because I know that people are trying to be nice to me, but it's a bit triggering and overwhelming to get this question every day while I'm in the midst of this whole process of trying to get better.
So if you could Help me with that.
That would be lovely.
And thank you for all the advice.
Well, thanks for your question, Hannah.
Right out of the gate.
My first thought is I get upset when someone asks me something that is true or there's something going on for me around it.
And so it's interesting that Hannah has an understanding that she's triggered and has an understanding that She's looking for help with it.
That to me is the best place to be starting for this question.
What do you all think?
Yeah.
Thank you, Hannah, for being vulnerable.
And what struck me with what you said is that you've taken some time away from work.
That's a really hard thing to do, but also really courageous.
And I think you are doing the right thing.
And I'm just really sorry that You've been struggling.
And, you know, on the one hand, how would you feel if people, nobody was asking how you're doing?
And then on the other, you know, like you said people family friends, I'm sure are trying to just be nice and check in with you.
But I think it becomes really challenging when you know your lived experience is very different to perhaps theirs.
Yeah.
And especially if they haven't say, gone through something like what you're dealing with, it's quite hard to feel how you might be feeling and recognizing that that might actually be a triggering question.
So I think just normalizing that, I don't think you're probably alone in feeling that.
And I wonder, perhaps with your close family, close friends, Maybe you could say hey, I'm so grateful that you're checking in on me and I know that you really care about me.
But I find that question really hard to answer because some days I'm really not feeling great.
Yeah.
And it's really hard to pretend that I am.
And so maybe asking something completely differently, like hey, would you like to go for a walk if the weather permits?
Mm-hmm.
Or do you fancy watching a movie?
So it takes the pressure away from you having to answer that question.
And of course, if you feel like then sharing how you're doing, it's on your terms.
Yeah, I love that.
It's almost like you're talking about creating a script too because, like I, had this whole vision in my head.
It's like I think about when my mom died.
People would walk up to my desk because I went back to work pretty quickly, because I just didn't know what else to do with myself.
I was like, well, what am I going to do?
Sit at home and people would come up and they'd be like, hey, how are you doing?
And I was just like.
And then they brought all their own personal experience to me when they asked about whatever their relationship with their mom was which had nothing to do with me.
And I found myself having to console other people and having to do all this work where I was just like like weren't you trying to help me and it all.
It all went down some road that i didn't want to go, like none of it was about me and it.
It just makes me think of like creating a script, whether it be if it's like you're saying, even if it's a close person, then you may feel more safe to to really open up and say it'd be great if you could help me in this way versus that.
But if it's a, if it's a more tertiary person, maybe there's like a, a phrase that you have that you use.
That's like You know, like I used to be, like you know, working hard, hardly working, like those things that you say to people in the elevator, like that you just like kind of saying to just move you along.
And like, I think that can free you up to to move things along sometimes.
But I love what you're saying about having something that's more specific to people who are close to you, who can help you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I also like to kind of take the conversation in a different way, too.
Maybe Hannah is thinking about potentially not knowing how she feels in these moments, but understanding that she feels down.
That's where this question leads me in a way.
So maybe having that connection is a great point.
But also maybe it looks like looking and identifying what feelings are present for you.
And I think a great way of doing that is maybe finding a feelings wheel chart and identifying, based on those primary feelings.
And as they branch out, it can help you dig deeper into understanding what it is that you're going through and experiencing in that moment.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm laughing because my therapist used to say, Robin, anger is a surface emotion.
What's underneath that?
And I'd be like, shut up.
I'm just kidding.
I never said that to her.
I'm just kidding.
It's easy to say, though.
Yeah, that's such a great point Chris, because sometimes it's really hard to put into words how you're feeling, especially when you're going through something like depression burnout, where it can be really, really intense.
Or on the opposite end, maybe there's like a numbness or a feeling of not being able to put words into the feelings.
And that was definitely a bit of my experience, you know, after my mum passed away.
And, you know, it's such an intense feeling of loss that there kind of are no words.
Yeah.
And so I think, having some tools, I love the idea of a feelings wheel where you could actually say okay yeah, it's a mixture of these things.
And that can, you know, help give you some vocabulary as well.
You know, if you choose to talk to someone about it.
And I think also don't feel bad about not being able to name how you're feeling, because You know the question.
Like Robin said at the beginning of the show how are we doing?
And you know, the kind of default Great.
Everything's good.
Great.
Often the default is, yeah, I'm good.
Yeah.
Move it along.
Move it along to your next question.
I work with this amazing coach actually, and she would ask, okay, how are you feeling?
And then you would answer.
And then, okay, how are you really, really feeling?
And then you'd answer.
And then she'd go, how are you really, really, really feeling?
And sometimes it takes time to warm up to sharing how you're actually feeling and i know i experienced this a lot, you know, after mom died is it can be hard to say how you're really really feeling to someone, because they're coming in breezy hey, how's it going?
And you're like do i say really how i'm feeling?
I love that though, because that's like boundaries.
It's like you don't owe every single person in the elevator a How you are really feeling.
You don't.
But I also too, want to take this in a slightly different direction, only because it is part of Hannah's question.
And I'm curious your thoughts, especially you, Eve.
Hannah says how can I be more mindfully connected and how can I like bring mindfulness to this issue?
So I'm so we've you know given some like generalized thoughts, but like specifically is there anything that you would add into that?
Yeah, something that I was thinking of as we've been talking about this is can you bring compassion to yourself when you're asked that question?
And, you know, perhaps it's a little mantra to yourself.
I know they care about me and I know they want me to be OK, but it's hard for me right now.
And then you know whether it's someone really close to you or someone who you perhaps don't know as well.
You know you can have a few of your sort of what Robin was talking about.
You know more standardized responses.
But that might mean.
So, when you get asked that question, recognizing that it can be triggering, maybe just taking a couple of deep breaths, you know, just stopping pausing, taking a couple of deep breaths, and then you can choose how to answer that question.
Because if you immediately react to that question in a way that you know shows frustration and anger, of course that's okay.
But that then potentially could make you feel worse afterwards.
And so I think it's just being aware of, you know, how does it feel in my body?
Can I take a breath?
Can I bring some compassion into this experience and then make a choice with how to proceed?
You know, only revealing what you feel comfortable with.
And I think you have, you set those boundaries.
Yeah.
It's only as helpful as it's meant to be helpful.
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
One, one final comment actually is um Hannah, if you know it sounds like you are dealing with a lot and you know you shared that you've been experiencing depression.
If, if you are already amazing, but you, you might find it helpful talking through this with a therapist.
You know, mental health professional as well, if you're not already doing that, just to add that into the mix.
Well Hannah, thank you so much for your question.
We wish you luck and, more importantly, I think we're all just sending compassion while you're on this time and on this kind of journey.
It's not easy, so good luck with everything.
All right, let's take our next question from Benjamin.
Hi, I'm Benjamin from Austria.
Yeah, my question is about gratefulness or ungratefulness, because I sometimes get this feeling that I'm like not grateful enough for this amazing life that I'm having, especially when I'm like obsessing about small problems.
And yeah, so how can I be more grateful in everyday life?
Yeah.
Oh, Benjamin, what a lovely question.
I mean, my first instinct is to be like, take it easy on yourself, Benjamin.
Let's start there.
Yeah, I think.
First of all, the fact that you're asking this question means that you're aware of what you do have in this life.
You know you talked about the fact that you are living.
I think your word was fantastic or fabulous, which is lovely, but you're not taking that for granted.
And I think, listening to your question, you know how can you have those moments in your day where you can maybe stop and pause and appreciate the little things?
And, for example, that might be in the morning when you say maybe make a coffee or tea or whatever your morning routine is.
Just taking a moment to savor that.
I have hot water.
I'm able to make breakfast, I can take a shower, I can walk outside.
You know, these things that a lot of us do actually take for granted.
So can you apply that feeling of appreciation and feeling of gratitude to just everyday, mundane things, not necessarily just the like big amazing, brilliant things, which I definitely think you should as well?
But I think you're more likely to form that mental pattern, that habit, if you start to just appreciate those little moments and and, like robin said, try not to put too much pressure on yourself to.
I appreciate my light switch and my doorknobs, all great things.
All great things.
We have electricity.
It was doorknobs that sent me eve.
It was doorknobs Only because I saw the doorknob on the door.
But meanwhile in my head I was like we have like the original doorknobs from when the building was built 100 years ago.
And I am really appreciative for those doorknobs.
You know what's interesting is like... there's a component to the question.
And that's why I said go easy of this feeling of I can never be grateful enough where I can never.
It's like that moving the goalposts thing.
Like I'm grateful, but like, I'm not as grateful as he is, you know?
And it's like, I, to me, it feels a little bit like a setup.
It'll never be enough.
Like this comparison piece of, like Setting the standard of compassion and gratitude at the level of which someone else is that he's connected to.
And so, when thinking about that, it is OK to take it easy, because you know life is a difficult journey.
And it is OK to get frustrated at the small things.
And I would say that you know.
Continue to do what you're doing and know what you're grateful for in those moments that you do want to change.
But also with compassion.
Accept that you are frustrated or that you are experiencing what you would not like to experience in that moment.
Or that it's not a competition.
You know what I mean?
There's no right amount of gratitude.
Just the fact you're asking that question means you're open to finding the most gratitude in your days possible.
Yeah.
And I think there's a piece around gratitude and being sincere.
You know.
Again, reading between the lines of your question, Benjamin is and again, of course I don't want to put words in your mouth, but feeling like because you have a life that is perhaps easier.
Things perhaps aren't or haven't been as challenging maybe than other people you know.
Is there that feeling of, well, why do I deserve this?
When, especially when we see so much suffering around us in the world, it can be easy to start directing feelings of well, I shouldn't have this.
And why doesn't this person, you know, have an easier life?
And of course, you know, that can feel very conflicting, especially if it's people you know.
And you know with, that is when you're experiencing life, your out and about work, whatever it is that you're doing, recognizing that you too, you know, are a human being who is worthy of safety and health and security and friends and love.
And You might want to look into perhaps some volunteer work that, as you, you know, are living life.
You're young, experiencing things, perhaps for the first time.
You know, is there a way that showing your gratitude could be through giving back?
And there's research actually that shows when we do things for others it actually bolsters our own well-being.
And so that might be through helping friends.
It could be through working with a charity.
Whatever that might be, could also be a way for you to connect with others, but in a way shows that gratitude and action in a way that also makes you feel better about you know what you're experiencing.
I love that.
And I'd love to add one more thing Benjamin, especially in the spirit of thinking about competition and wanting to do better in comparison with others.
You are already enough.
You are already enough in this moment.
That's right.
And just the fact you asked that question gives us there's many people that should be asking this question and are not.
So I think you're doing great, Benjamin.
Yeah.
It comes down to awareness, right?
Being aware of you know, your actions, your words, your thoughts.
And it isn't about being perfect, as Chris said.
You know it's okay to get frustrated and annoyed and have moments where you're angry like you're human.
We make mistakes.
People upset us.
We upset people.
And so trying not to be too hard.
You know this idea of common humanity, you know we're all in this together.
Of course, we have very different lived experiences.
But when you find yourself getting carried away, maybe really frustrated with something again just pausing, maybe even just noting and naming, like I'm really frustrated right now.
Maybe go for a walk or writing down how you're feeling.
Talking of gratitude, Headspace and Paquetto have actually just launched a mindful journal.
And there are prompts at the end of each day, a couple, which are focused on things that you appreciate from the day, or perhaps people.
And then the other two are more focused on, is there any stress that you're carrying from the day?
Is there any frustration or is there something that is on your mind that is troubling you?
If we're not acknowledging and holding both gratitude and also perhaps difficult emotions, it can make it feel a little bit insincere.
And then we're less likely to notice the things that we appreciate and the people we appreciate in our life.
I love that.
All right.
In the words of everyone here, Benjamin, you're doing great.
Keep going.
Keep appreciating.
Everything is good.
All right.
We will be right back.
All right.
Welcome back.
Here's our last question.
Dear Headspace, greetings from Indonesia.
My name is Lala.
So I had a question.
I had been dealing with stomach issue, and this experience made me to be an overthinker when it comes to food, to the point that I'm getting anxiety when I eat.
I've become extremely concerned of the foods.
Like, is it gluten-free?
Will it cause acid reflux, etc.?
In the end, I cannot really enjoy the meal.
Any advice how to deal with this?
Should I seek professional help?
Thank you for your question, Lala.
This is a tough one because as a person who has a food issue, food is a very big part of our life.
And to have a stressor at least three times a day and to be unaware of how something is going to affect you is a really big deal.
You know, and my daughter has like stomach issues.
So it's like this is a really common problem.
So I just really appreciate you bringing the question to us and bringing some awareness to it.
Yeah.
Thank you, Lala.
And you know from a fellow sufferer of reflux in the past.
I really can empathize with your experience.
I think just off the bat, would like to say, you know, we aren't medical professionals.
So if you are experiencing health issues, then I very much would recommend that you do speak to a doctor just to make sure that you're getting Any tests or relevant advice with regards to, you know, a specific health condition.
Or a nutritionist, like someone who can help you holistically look at it.
Because, I mean, it was like when she asked that, I was like, the answer is yes.
It was almost like, and that's the end of the show.
Yes.
I think you're dealing with two sides here.
A potential medical diagnosis and the fear that is associated with that.
And how do you then manage the food that you eat, making sure that there aren't any adverse reactions that could make you then feel worse.
So i really, really empathize with that, and i've definitely gone through that with my own experiences with some stomach issues, and it can be really, really all-consuming.
All you're thinking about is can i eat this?
What if i eat this?
Will it make me feel sick?
Will i have reflux?
So i really really, really am with you there.
Something, a practice that you could find really beneficial, is mindful eating or an eating meditation to try and ease some of those anxieties.
Mindful eating or eating meditation as it's known is a practice in and of itself.
And so, so often we eat you know, in a rush.
We aren't perhaps aware of what we're eating, which I don't think is, in your case, the issue.
But you're quite consumed with those worries versus actually being able to enjoy the food that you're eating and taking your time with it.
And so you would perhaps sit at your table and, And before you even eat anything, just taking a moment to observe the food in front of you.
You know notice the colors, the textures, the shapes.
You know take in the aromas, the smells and really be mindful with the process.
You know, when you bring your food up to your mouth, You know actually, just looking at it a bit more closely and this might seem like a strange practice at first
It can feel a little weird.
What am I doing, staring at my peas or whatever it is?
And then just in your mouth, before you start chewing, can you just let some of the flavors be there and allow those taste buds to actually really experience the different flavors?
All the while you're doing this is actually giving your digestive system.
You know, a heads up that OK, you're about to eat some food.
All the relevant things start to kick in and then very slowly start to chew so that you know you're not rushing.
You're actually being really present with eating the food.
And then, of course, chewing it to a point so that it's properly able for your digestive system to manage it in a more easier way.
So that could be an exercise.
We've got a wonderful mindful eating meditation in the Headspace app.
And so I would definitely recommend checking that out.
It's a really wonderful exercise and shows you how you can bring mindfulness into everyday things like eating and cooking.
You know that reminds me of Eve is like Kisanga talks about.
Before he gets in the car he sets like an intention.
I mean, for him, he says a little prayer.
He has like a whole little ritual because it's like a thing you have to do.
It can be very triggering and how you walk into it can set you up for how you are.
Yeah.
And the other thing I forgot to mention is it's a really also great opportunity to take a moment to we've just been talking about appreciation and gratitude is can you take a moment to perhaps acknowledge all the people that were involved in getting the food to you, whether that was to the grocery store or the restaurant or wherever it is that you you got your food, because we often don't acknowledge and remember sometimes it's a whole army of people, the farmers, Even the soil, the water, the sun, the trucks that mean that we have food in our house and in our stores can also help to shift the focus as well.
Yeah.
And I think also, it's a great point to point out that Lala, it sounds like you're already proactive anyway in thinking about these things.
So, yeah, keep that up.
Keep that up.
Thank you so much for your question, Lala.
And I wish you good eating.
I mean, it's just like, it's such a big part of our lives.
Yeah, just from my own experience I'll share.
This is as best you can advocate for yourself with a medical professional.
You know, quite often stomach issues can be dismissed sometimes.
Oh, it's just stress.
Don't worry about it.
And so you know, just making sure that you're advocating for yourself and that this is something that is bothering you and is causing you issues and that does need exploration.
Thank you so much for your question, Lala.
And hopefully just bringing this up brings some support and comfort to other folks who are struggling in the same area.
Yes.
Yeah.
Well, that was just that was fantastic even, Chris.
I mean it's like it's.
I'm always interested about the through line in the advice or in the questions that always shows up.
And an awareness was such a key today and then acknowledging and moving into action.
And it was.
It's just like so interesting how these themes show up and the questions aren't meant like they're not chosen in that way.
Yeah, I agree.
Everybody that called in and submitted their questions was We're in a space of wanting resources and support to heighten their journey that they're already on.
So yeah, that was.
That was such a beautiful experience to be able to answer their questions and hopefully, support.
And I'm wishing everybody well as they continue to navigate these difficult situations.
And, you know, I believe they'll be successful in doing so.
Yeah, it was a real demonstration of this human condition, you know, sort of everyday gratitude all the way through to more challenging dealing with things like depression burnout, which you know sadly is on the rise.
And every day you know we do need to eat to survive and the stress that that can cause.
If you're not able to enjoy your food and be at peace with you know nourishment that you're getting.
And so you know a lot of, a lot of awareness, but of course also a lot of stress, also associated in each question.
And so I think to Chris's point, you know, keep doing what you're doing.
And thank you for for being vulnerable and sharing what's going on.
Yeah, and specifically, thank you to Hannah and Benjamin and Lala for sending us these questions.
I mean, this show doesn't exist without y'all's questions, so we just really appreciate it.
And you know if you are at home or wherever you happen to be.
While you're listening and you're struggling with something, I say send us your question.
We make it so easy.
All you have to do is head over to sayhichat slash, Dear Headspace, and that's where you're going to record your question.
That link is in the show notes.
And hey, guess what?
If we use your question in the show, you're going to get three months of Headspace for free.
No small thing.
I think that's pretty amazing.
We really, really love to continue to hear from you.
And I just have one last thing for everyone listening before we leave you.
As always, we've built in a moment or two so that you can transition before you head into the next thing in your day.
This is some time to really reflect on what you just experienced and settle your mind.
So here are some sounds recorded in the tropics.
Listen and let your mind do whatever it wants to do.
Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, and be kind to each other.
Dear Headspace is a Headspace Studios original podcast.
It's produced by Robin Hopkins, Ash Jones, and Scott Sorenson.
It's executive produced by Morgan Selzer, Sarah Cohn, Barron Farmer, and Danny Karasamy.
Our production coordinator is Taylor Jennings-Brown.
It's hosted and produced by Robin Hopkins, Kisanga Giscombe, Dora Kamau, Samantha Snowden, Eve Lewis Prieto and Rosie Acosta.
Post-production is by Dan Kroll.
Music is by Scott Sorensen and Chris Mergia.
