Holy shit.
Today's the day that I'm finally posting the final episode of my documentary series.
I've spent the past three years of my life working on everything from renovating a van alone at 19 to leaving home and traveling at 20.
And then by the final episode, I turned 21.
Only to now be 22.
As I'm finally finishing editing all the footage.
These were some of the most formative years of my life and it's really special to me to have it all encapsulated within the whole story of Borderless.
No matter where I go or what I do after this, I think that I'll always look back fondly on this time in my life.
Natalie Lin is a super talented artist who's found a way to quite literally turn what would typically be your average vlog into what almost feels like an episode of a TV series.
Natalie Lin her videos.
It's like you get a window into her soul, like her life is just displayed in such a meaningfully powerful.
Her newest series borderless, is a poignant and beautifully shot series of short films that show a new chapter of her artistry.
It's insane that this exists on YouTube.
We got the tickets.
Borderless.
Borderless.
Borderless.
Thank you. and congrats on the borderless finale film premiere last night.
It was insane.
It was literally a dream come true to see my video in a theater.
After spending what felt like a lifetime editing, I realized I needed a break back in nature on the Oregon coast.
Oh wow, this is crazy nice.
I thought this cabin would be the perfect place for me to not only recharge but also reflect on everything that's happened in the past couple of years.
The best part, spiral staircase.
This is my backyard right now.
Hi, little guy.
It's all felt so surreal, and so I guess I just wanted to give myself a chance to fully process everything and think about what's next, now that the series is over.
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
What?
What did I do?
Why is it mad at me, dude?
What?
What, is it gonna launch on me?
Okay.
What the fuck?
Okay, dude, I'm terrified right now.
This video is not gonna be anything crazy.
I felt like I needed to make something a little more laid back before, you know, immediately jumping into the next big thing right away.
The entire series was pre-filmed, basically like I would go almost a year in between shooting it to actually editing it, just because I was so behind on editing and my life is like completely different now compared to, you know, a year ago when I finished filming the last episode of Borderless.
It's not like there's ever a definitive moment where I was like, I'm done with van life.
It just kind of happened, I guess.
And I've still been traveling, you know.
So I'm still getting like what I wanted out of van life to begin with is just like a lifestyle of travel, which is super cool.
I've lived in so many cool places in the past year as I've been editing all the footage.
The sad part though, is that I've been so busy making these videos that, when I was living on these cool places, I never even really explored the area.
I was kind of just in my Airbnb like the whole time, locked away in the abyss of editing.
I know it definitely looks like I take a lot of breaks because of how little I actually upload, but please believe me when I say my entire lifestyle is pretty much all consumed in the process of making these videos.
For years now, I've been in this cycle.
Whether it looks like it or not, I haven't really taken a real break, at least not mentally.
And I don't want to just complain, of course.
I love what I do.
This is my dream job and I would not trade it for anything.
I just think because I am so passionate about it.
Sometimes it results in me being okay with overworking myself constantly and not really making time to focus on my personal well-being.
In 2023, I really only had like two personal goals that were not related to making videos in any way.
I wanted to learn how to play a new song on my guitar.
Never got around to that.
I never even got around to buying a new battery for the tuner.
Also, I wanted to finish reading The Creative Act by Rick Rubin, and I did start it, but then I got busy again and I've been bringing the book with me everywhere I travel to and then I feel like I don't have time to ever just sit down and read it.
Maybe I do just genuinely suck at managing my time, or maybe it's my anxiety convincing me I don't ever have enough time.
But regardless, I literally spent the entire year working on just the last two episodes of the series, and even that seemed to take everything I had out of me to complete.
So I got myself a very fancy bottle of wine from the store the other day to reward myself for finishing borderless, finishing the whole series, putting in all that hard work.
Cozy nights around the fire with Snoop Dogg.
A quote that's really been resonating with me recently is you are the greatest project you'll ever work on.
Literally ever since I got out of high school, all I've been doing is pouring my soul into these projects.
And I feel like Yeah, for once I feel like I don't have to put all my self-worth into a project.
So I think it's been clashing a bit with the amount of pressure and work that I put on myself when I make videos, because I'm like why am I doing this to myself?
Why am I destroying myself to even make two videos in one year?
Episode 7 of Borderless was a pretty intense a very intense project to work on.
I had to push myself to some extremely unhealthy points to make that film.
I feel very conflicted because, yeah, in hindsight, I think it was worth it.
But I remember in the moment, I was like, I can never do this again.
Like, I can never put myself through this again.
It's just because every single time I go to film something or just create something, I just get this overwhelming wave of anxiety.
It's just like, how long can I keep doing this?
Or like, how many times can I pull it off?
I guess, yeah, I'm just tired of being so hard on myself.
But then on the other side of things it's like if I'm not hard on myself, then are my videos gonna turn out the way that I want them to be.
Because I never want to settle.
I think it's just because I have these insanely high expectations I'm putting on myself, trying to make everything the best it can possibly be.
So when it doesn't turn out the way I imagined it, it's super discouraging and kind of sends me into these spirals of self-doubt, making me question if the films I'm trying to create even are really worth the constant stress I'm putting myself under.
When I see Natalie's work, I don't see someone who's trying to get something from it.
I don't see someone who's trying to get anything at all.
You can tell when you're looking at work for someone who just loves to make things.
One of Natalie's earliest videos is called, I Like Cameras.
Recently, someone I deeply respect as an artist himself, coincidentally enough, sort of explained exactly what I've been trying to put into words.
You can tell that Natalie is passionate about this.
And by the way, I don't mean passionate like Natalie likes it.
I mean passionate like passion.
And the Latin root of the word passion is passio, which means to suffer.
When you see a shot like this and you peel back the detail, you know somebody suffered for it.
Six hours of staring at your computer and tweaking color correction and lining up frames and compositing multiple layers and getting the sound to hit at just the right moment to light up a certain feeling.
Like, don't get me wrong, that shit is really fun, but it's hard fun.
And I know Natalie already knows that it's worth it, but I want us right now to let her know that we think it's worth it too.
So as loud as you can, let's make some noise for Natalie.
I don't know why I for some reason believe in myself less now that there's actually people who believe in me.
I know it's probably just imposter syndrome, but what if it's like my brain finally giving out after trying so hard to make this happen?
After trying so hard to turn my dreams into memories.
Now it's almost like I've been given this chance to ask myself if it would ever be possible for me to create without suffering.
Another day, another iced coffee.
I think for a very long time in my life I did not feel like I deserved love, or I guess I never experienced the feeling of unconditional love.
And then I got into my first real relationship, a healthy relationship.
And it's made me realize that maybe I don't need to be pushing myself to these unhealthy extremes just to feel loved and like validated.
Maybe I shouldn't have ever felt that all along.
I've actually been in the process of filming and documenting my relationship and obviously it's a little tricky to do that because it's my relationship and it's like a real life thing and it's like how do i tell the story in the most accurate way possible but also not like tell too much personal details.
It's just i don't know, it's really tough to navigate.
It's been really tough to navigate filming that video.
As excited as I am to see my next film come to life, I'd be lying if I didn't say that there hasn't been some part of me that's been hesitant to fully move forward into this next project, for once.
Normally I love change, but for some reason recently it's been hard to process that I'll never be 19 again.
I'll probably never make something like Borderless again.
And so the nostalgia I feel for all of it has honestly kept me in this limbo.
Unable to move forward fully because I'm so scared that whatever I'm now experiencing, or whoever I'm now becoming, might not live up to the past.
I don't know if the shot is in focus, to be honest.
I got a new camera recently and I'm really still learning how to work it.
It's been such a learning curve for me, but I know it's going to be worth it.
To like, help me level up my quality, color and stuff.
I know that I could always be better as a filmmaker, storyteller in one way or another.
So it's like I want to push myself, but I also don't know what the balance is, because it can Definitely be training to constantly keep trying to one-up yourself.
I guess that's why it feels so important to make this whatever this video is going to be.
I know it obviously won't be my proudest work, but it feels very necessary to break that cycle.
Yeah recently, like creating, has not felt like this life or death thing for once, which is so strange to even say, because it's been like eight years of me putting everything i have in me and into this, jesus.
Well, i tried guys, i tried.
I guess I'm starting to question who I am actually as a person, outside of making videos.
Like, who am I apart from what I do and what I create?
I think that is my main goal in life right now, is to just try and figure that out.
That's a pesto if I've ever seen it.
The noodles, cooking up.
Fuck!
How?
How?
I'm literally not even burning anything.
Pesto's my favorite food.
I'm so happy right now.
So I'm very happy to say that ever since I filmed this video, not only have I made the time to learn a new song on my guitar, but I also have finally been getting the hang of my new camera.
Between doing things like dyeing my hair brown, spending the summer traveling Europe for the first time, and slowly but surely writing out my next big film, I can confidently say for the first time in months, I'm starting to move forward, not only as a filmmaker, but as a person.
If there is a world where my passion for this and my overall well-being can coexist, I'm determined to do everything I can to find it.
My bag weighs 50 pounds because of all the camera shit that I'm like trying to haul around Europe with me right now.
I don't know how I'm gonna get this down.
I'm throwing out the fucking window from the top, I swear to God.
With all that being said, I think the only way that feels right to end this video off is by saying thank you.
Thank you so much to everyone who has stuck around all this time.
Thank you to the people that are patient with me and how long it takes for me to put out stuff.
I truly have no idea where I would be without all the love and support.
Even though I don't know exactly how long it's going to be until I'm able to complete my next project, I promise I'm going to be doing everything I can to make sure that it's worth the wait.
