We welcome you to What If World.
Hey there folks, and welcome back to What If World, the show where your questions and ideas inspire off-the-cuff stories.
I'm Mr Eric, your host, and today we're starting off with a very special question, because it was a mail-in question.
I know, snail mail.
It's still a thing.
We'll leave our PO box in the show notes in case you want to send your own snail mail.
But this question was from Eleanor, age five and a half, from Lake Orion, Michigan.
And Eleanor asks, what if trees had arms and legs with a pet tree dog?
Eleanor, thank you for this question and for the drawing of the tree and the tree dog that you sent along with it.
Now we have one more call-in question from a listener named Allison.
Hi, my name is Allison.
I'm seven years old.
I love all animals equally and I was wondering, if I know cheetahs are the fastest on land, but what if cheetahs are the fastest in the air, on the water, in the trees and in the ground?
Thanks!
Bye!
Kids.
I don't know what it is, but we probably get more cheetah questions than we do any other land mammal.
Well, except dogs and cats.
Any other wild animal.
And it's been a while since we had a cheetah in a story.
When you hear about a cheetah being the fastest creature in all the land and the sea and the air and even underground, I think, what does that make you think of?
I wonder if any of the things you think will end up in our story.
If so, that's called parallel thinking, and we love talking about that on What If World.
Now, when you think about a pet tree dog, how do you think it would be any different from a normal dog or a normal tree?
My story may not turn out the same as the one you're imagining right now.
And if not, hey, cool.
Maybe you can write your own or illustrate your own or use it to inspire your next what-if question.
But for now, in this very special moment we get to share together, let's find out what if cheetahs were the fastest in the air and the water and everything else, and what if trees had arms and legs with a pet tree dog.
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Have you ever been at a park or going on a hike and you saw those little divots in the ground like burrows?
They can pop up almost anywhere.
Now your grown-up may have told you the correct thing that it probably is indeed a burrow for a small creature and that you most definitely should not disturb it.
Good job, grown-ups, and good job, kids, for listening.
But today, I'm going to present to you a more implausible explanation.
Nay, I say, a delightfully impossible one, even.
You see, when I look at those little divots in the ground, I think they marvel where the forest has come through.
What's that then?
You've never heard of the forest?
Am I forgetting to say the word forest with a T at the end?
No.
Am I making a portmanteau by smushing together the word forest and the word race?
Yes, indeed.
Could I have probably come up with a more interesting name for this place?
Almost certainly.
But here we are in the forest, which races from one world to the next.
Yes, an entire forest and all its inhabitants, all creatures known for their speed and their ability to run from world to world.
So maybe when they passed through your world, through your town, through your park, they left a few little divots in the ground.
And that's all you'd see because they move that fast.
But just a reminder, really seriously, don't go digging in those holes.
Any kinds of creatures could have moved in.
So that's probably why you've never seen the forest in another What If World story.
They've managed to avoid all of What If World's most recent calamities.
The mind-controlling pants, the squidopus invasion and even that What If question that you asked.
That was so disastrous that when we posted the story about it, it exploded the internet and we had to take it down.
We're still rebuilding that hemisphere of What If World, by the way.
Anyway, the forest avoided all those stories.
Everyone in it was just that fast.
But this is one story the forest can't outrun, because it's about their queen.
Yes, Fast Alice was the honorary queen of the forest.
As the fastest creature in all the world, and maybe all the world's, most people looked up to her.
Many even came to her for advice.
Fast Alice, said Eleanor.
Still a sapling at this point, but already towering over the cheetah.
My root legs stumbled over this little barky puppy.
I don't like barky puppies.
They're too loud.
Just put it back where you found it.
But the puppy was abandoned.
There was no one around for miles to take care of it.
I should know, because we've been running in circles ever since.
Yeah, sorry.
I was chasing my tail.
Well, what should we do with this little balsam baby?
Do you know anything about taking care of puppies?
No, but I know something about taking care of trees.
And I know something about taking care of cheetahs.
So together, we can give this puppy a home.
We can raise it the fastest that any puppy's ever grown up.
And be its mommy.
And that'll make it be the fastest puppy.
Um, yeah, that too, I guess.
And so Ellen Oak and Fast Alice became mother, and mommy to this evergreen pup who became known as Bark Balsam.
They were a small dog whose fur was fine green balsam needles, but like most pups and young people, they just weren't as fast as the adults.
Hey, wait up, wait up, bark balsam barked, moving as fast as their little twiggy paws could carry them.
Don't worry, I'll pick you up, said Ellen Oak, because the one unspoken rule of the forest was that everyone within it had to keep moving.
Wow!
Mother, you're so fast!
I've run all my life.
It's all I've ever known.
Until knowing you.
Aye, put that kid down.
We're raising them to be the fiercest.
And they'll never get to be the fiercest if you keep coddling them.
Oh, Fast Alice.
I know you're used to everyone in the forest listening to you.
But if you think supporting our child is wrong...
No, no, no, of course not.
Come on, Bark Balsam, race your old mummy.
And Fast Alice slowed just enough that Bark Balsam could chase her.
Before long, Bark had grown.
They weren't nearly as fast as Fast Alice, or even Elinoke for that matter.
But they could run, and climb, and swim, and use their roots to dig.
And they were even working on flying.
But they hadn't quite figured that part out yet.
Race you, mommy!
Another year had passed.
Bark Balsam was bigger and faster.
Alano could hardly be called a sapling anymore.
And Fast Alice, well, she was the same size.
And the same speed, I think.
But was that a little gray on her muscle?
All right, Bark.
Today it's a tree race.
We're gonna jump from limb to limb. and climb from tree to tree.
And whoever can run around the entire forest before the forest runs around itself wins.
I'm ready, Mummy.
Let's go, said Bark.
But Ellen Oak had her reservations.
That's kind of a dangerous race.
Even our fastest critters have fallen in the past.
Well, I didn't raise a faller and I didn't raise a quitter.
They'll be okay.
Unless they let me get even farther ahead.
Oh, you're on, Mummy.
And away they raced around the woods, who were running around themselves.
It may seem strange, but as time went by, the forest started to slow.
One tree, even daring to dig its roots into the ground for a nice long rest.
I think I'm catching up, Mom, and barked balsam ones.
When Fast Alice looked over her shoulder, the little tree puppy was shedding needles as it ran and climbed and swung and leapt.
Fast, Alice couldn't help feeling a swell of pride.
Just as she took a leap without looking, and When you're used to every tree in the forest, constantly running one tree digging in its roots can really throw you off.
Mom!
No one won the race that day, which meant that no one lost, but Fast Alice felt like she had.
The forest had banded together, pulping wood from old branches, mixing saps and herbs into a healing balm and wrapping up Fast Alice's broken forepaw in a wood pulp cast that quickly hardened and left the cheetah limping.
Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I distracted you in our race and you got hurt.
And I was so scared seeing you fall that I fell too.
But you said you didn't raise a father and I fell anyway.
Fast Alice looked around to see the whole forest standing still for the first time ever.
I'm sorry, kid.
I shouldn't have put those kinds of expectations on you.
It is okay to fall.
I was just trying to show my confidence in you.
You're Bark Balsam the Awesome.
And no matter how many times you fall down, you get back up.
And Bark Balsam the Awesome did just that.
They picked themselves up off the ground, dug their roots deep into the loamy soil and started to grow again.
Okay, Mom.
Well, I'm a kind of evergreen tree, so I'll just grow over you and keep you sheltered through the winter while you heal.
That sounds like a plan, said Ellen Oak.
Some of the creatures of the forest could use a little rest.
Not me.
I just want to keep moving, said Fast Alice, who wasn't moving so fast anymore.
Sorry, Mummy.
Doc Dokes orders, said Ellen Oak.
We can start moving in a week, as long as you're not in too much pain.
A week passed, and Bark Balsam spent that whole time telling themself, I'm Bark Balsam the Awesome!
I'm Bark Balsam the Awesome, as they trained on land and swam through Squid Lake and climbed all the trees of the forest and even dug through the loamy soil.
Ellen Oak trained beside her child, and just one week of training hard and resting fully helped them each get even bigger and faster in the way only a magical tree creature can do.
All right, you two.
Nicely done.
But now it's time to go against the master.
And she took off running.
After having spent a week in bed and having never practiced running with only three legs, she understandably took a few tumbles.
But instead of enjoying the run like she used to, she kept looking back, seeing Elinor and Bark closing faster and faster.
Not this time, you two!
She took off again, finding her new rhythm.
Bark Balsam started slowing down, tuckered out by their sprint.
But Elinor kept gaining speed, her limbs growing even longer, as she took one two, three steps and finished rounding the forest at the exact same time as Fast Alice.
Well, isn't that something, said Alan Oak.
Forty years old, only three healthy paws and you still managed to tie the second fastest person in the forest.
Second fastest?
I think you're uh properly tied for first now Fast Alice said turning away, so Ellen Oak couldn't see her little sniffle.
Hey, you don't have to hide from me.
If I have grown, it is because of you and Bark.
You see, oak trees are usually saplings for ten to twenty years, but Ellen Oak had spent most of the last forty years running.
With the forest slowing down, A lot of the trees and tree creatures were growing like they never had before.
Only Alice stayed the same size.
And right now, that size was feeling very small.
Yeah, of course, of course.
I just gotta get some rest.
I'll be right as rain tomorrow.
Bark Balsam had finally caught up, digging their roots in deep again.
Their long limbs and needly back forming a shady shelter for the wounded cheetah.
Oh man, I'm four years old now and I'm still not fast enough, said Bark Balsam, their needles rustling as they sobbed.
I just wish I weren't four.
I'd give anything to be four again.
I was already the fastest cheetah in the entire world back then.
Now I can't even beat your mother.
I bet as soon as your cast comes off, you'll leave us all in your dust again.
Listen, this isn't about me.
This is about you.
You're amazingly, incredibly fast for a sapling evergreen tree dog.
You mean it?
Course I do.
And I would know.
I've raced around that whole world looking for your parents.
Bark lifted a leg to scratch their needly neck.
Just ask yourself this.
Are you trying?
Yeah.
And do you like racing?
Of course.
Then you'll keep growing, you lucky kid.
Thanks.
Bark Balsam did keep growing, and so did Ellen Oak.
In fact, the whole forest started shooting up around Fast Alice, as another week went by, and then a month, and then a year.
Three seasons had passed since Fast Alice's cast came off, but she had stopped racing.
There was something else strange happening in the forest.
They had stopped moving and all the older trees, which used to be the tallest and fastest next to Alice, of course had now looted themselves fully and started to bend their bark, becoming flaky and brittle.
As Alice kept saying to herself, I'm too old to run.
I'm too old to move.
These trees started saying to themselves, I'm too old to run.
I'm too old to move.
And once they had finally stopped, it just felt so easy to keep staying stopped.
All the younger trees and creatures were having an important meeting about it.
We've got to snap them all out of this, said Alan Oak.
Yeah, the old trees are awesome, just like the young trees and the animals.
We're all awesome in different ways.
But I hear them whispering weird stories about how they can't do anything anymore, said Bark Balsam.
It's only what they hear Fast Alice say to herself, said a graying monkey.
We monkeys know that every age is an awesome age to be.
But everyone else looks up to Fast Alice.
How can we snap her out of it?
What if we schedule a multi-dimensional marathon?
Alice always used to love those, said a very fast bear.
We should just move the forest, said the ants, who were always the antsiest of the bunch.
You know she'll move before she gets left behind.
It's all my fault. said Ellen Oak.
I don't think she wants to race because she's afraid she might not win.
Wait, seriously?
I thought she was just like still hurt or something.
And Bark Balsam, now an even bigger greener, shaggier dog, who was also a tree, marched their routes right back to Fast Alice.
The cheetah had more gray in her muzzle and after a year of barely moving she wasn't looking as strong as she used to.
Mommy, it's time for you to get up.
It's morning again already.
It's actually the middle of the day.
I blame your tree friends.
The trees had agreed to take turns sheltering Fast Alice from the weather and the sun.
It gave them a reason to move around.
After all, they were still trees with arms and legs, but they were all starting to get a little stuck in their roots too.
Well, do you want to race or something?
I'm in no shape to race.
I'm 40 years old.
That's about twice as old as real life cheetahs ever get.
Yeah, but 40's still like super young for an imaginary cheetah.
You could live another 40, 50, thousand years.
As long as you remember to floss.
Ah, you gotta floss.
Why do you always say I'm pretty fast for a four-year-old, but you never say that you're pretty fast for a 40-year-old?
Because you're a child.
You're gonna keep growing.
And you're not?
I'm not a tree.
Hey.
I just mean that I'm only growing older.
Alan Oak says you're only done growing when you're done trying.
Well, that's just... What?
She just doesn't know how it feels.
Me neither.
Anyway, I'm four or probably five now.
So now I'm going to wrestle you.
Bark Balsam the Awesome wrestled their mom.
Something else they used to do a lot.
And they had that rhythm worked out.
When you've really practiced roughhousing with someone and you know how hard is too hard and how soft is boring, and how you never hit anyone in the face or the neck or the private parts or really wherever else.
They're not comfortable being hit.
And it'd been so long.
Bark was a lot bigger, and Alice was a little smaller.
So they kind of had to rework their rhythm and listen to each other as they played.
And around they rolled, the forest shifting with them.
And some of the older trees who'd begun to sag and grow gnarled, seemed to straighten up a bit, as if waking from a long sleep.
Fast.
Alice needed a rest after not too long, But the next day they wrestled around even longer, even chasing each other for short stretches.
And Alice ate more than she had in weeks, and slept better than she had in months.
And through the good ache of growing stretching muscle.
She played and saw Barkbalsam continue to grow.
And all the oldest...
Grayest shaggiest trees saw the wayfast Alice started using her body again and they rose up and wrestled too.
If you've never seen an ancient elm tree going toe-to-toe and branch-to-branch against a towering maple, then now's your chance to imagine it.
See, when the queen of the forest started telling herself that growing old was some kind of curse.
All the other trees had believed it.
They'd stopped moving their bodies, or even moving their minds.
But now, old and young alike would play and explore and puzzle out and stretch and move and rest and do it all over again the next day.
Bark Balsam the Awesome was now eight years old.
Fast Alice didn't win every race anymore.
But she was still pretty fast for a 48-year-old cheetah.
Last one to art class gets the weird old puffed-out paintbrush.
You're on, kiddo.
Hey, I'm 10 feet taller than both of you put together.
How am I losing?
Maybe because Mommy and I practice twice a day.
But you're still pretty fast for a 48-foot tree, said Fast Alice as she and Bark Balsam disappeared into the forest.
Oh, I might have you this time.
The end.
Well, I think I like the weird puffed out pinprick.
Eleanor and Allison, thank you so much for your questions.
I hope you all enjoyed this story.
Speaking of stories, have you ever heard or seen stories saying that once you're old, you stop being good at things?
Or maybe you can't do the things you love anymore?
How do you think it would affect a person to hear stories like that their whole life?
What's a better story you could tell yourself now about your amazingly smart wise, capable and overall, incredible elders?
What's something you could start doing today that will help you stay healthy and active many years from now, when you get to grow old?
I'd like to thank Karen O'Keefe, my co-creator, Craig Martinson for our theme song, my producer, Miss Lynn, and all you kids at home who know that growing old is just part of growing up.
And until we meet again, keep wondering.
Hey parents, we'd like to know more about what your child listener thinks about our podcast.
And we'd like to know a little bit about you, the parent.
So we're asking you to fill out our short survey with your child.
As a thank you, we'll give you a chance to win one of three $100 Amazon gift cards.
Fair deal?
Check out the survey at StarGlowSurvey.com.
That's StarGlowSurvey.com.
