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I'll give you that.
How to concede to connect in English.
Welcome to the All Ears English podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times.
Are you feeling stuck with your English?
We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection, with your American hosts, Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl coming to you from Colorado and New York City, USA.
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When someone says something that you disagree with, do you stay quiet or do you shut down their idea?
Don't do either of these things if you want connection in life.
Today, find out how to begrudgingly make a concession in English.
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Hey, Lindsay, how are you?
Hey, Michelle, I'm doing great today.
What are we getting into in the show today?
Well, what's your favorite neighborhood in New York City?
Oh, definitely Times Square, hands down, no question.
Oh, wow.
I mean yeah, there is a the sense.
You maybe don't agree with me, but i, you know, i'm trying to be nice.
Um lindsey, is that really your favorite neighborhood in new york?
Oh no no michelle, it's not.
It's probably my least favorite neighborhood.
I almost never went there.
Most locals do not go to times square.
So yeah, If you want to see the real New York, I mean everyone should probably go to Times Square as a tourist just to see it.
Of course.
But then if you want to see New York, don't go to Times Square.
Go to Union Square.
Go downtown.
Go to Central Park.
Right, Michelle?
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
So...
Today, this is going to be a lot of fun.
We're going to talk about how to concede a point begrudgingly, right?
Kind of like you don't agree with it or you're just like, okay, fine.
But you want to be optimistic and kind of just let a point go to the person who's expressed something.
So we're going to explain more what we mean in just a second.
But guys, if you haven't already, please hit the follow button wherever you're listening to All Ears English, or hit subscribe for YouTube.
Never miss anything from us.
Yeah, I could see this coming up a lot when you think someone has bad taste.
But you don't want to you can't really say that.
Like a few Thanksgivings ago, we went to my my brother's house, and my sister in law has this family tradition.
This is for Thanksgiving, that she thinks that her grandmother's pies are like the best.
And so I was so excited for this pie.
She had talked it up, you know, all day.
And the pie was honestly nothing special.
And what I had to kind of play along.
You know, and this is kind of the vibe that we're getting into.
What kind of pie was it?
It was a pumpkin pie, I think.
And it was just like, what are we even like, what, what have we been so excited about all day?
But I think for her it was just.
It was just the more the nostalgic aspect of her grandmother's pie, you know.
Of course.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that's so funny.
So yeah, this came out um, this idea came out from an earlier episode where We can give you the number later so that you can listen.
But in this episode, Lindsay and I were... Do you remember, Lindsay?
We were talking about Atlantic City.
And you were like, really?
Atlantic City?
And I said, I mean, they do have a nice boardwalk.
I will say that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So here I was actually kind of defending myself or something that doesn't have a great reputation, and highlighting the positive.
So this kind of... skill can be used in multiple ways.
So we're going to talk about more ways to do this and what it does for connection and what it means.
Okay.
Yeah, I love this.
I love this topic.
Good stuff.
Let's get into it.
Michelle, where do we start here?
All right.
So the first thing that you could say and this is what we used, I believe is I mean dot, dot dot.
I will say that you don't have to say I mean, but it's pretty common.
Right.
Lindsay, would you say this?
I will say that right yeah, i would.
Yeah exactly, it's kind of like you.
It's another way of saying i will concede that you're making a bit of a concession here.
Right exactly, so this can be used to highlight the positive right, concede a point.
So, again about atlantic city, i'm saying i was the one that said i was in atlantic city.
And then i'm saying well, there is a positive point.
I will say that right yeah, but It can also be used to concede the point.
Or to me,
And this is important for, you know, like maintaining the connection.
So instead of me saying, Lindsay, really Times Square, what's wrong with you?
Right.
Right.
We don't want to do that as human beings.
We don't want to.
Yeah, we want to connect.
We want to find the thing that we can agree with, agree on, you know.
Yes.
Yes.
So let's show how this may sound in a couple of role plays.
OK.
I think McDonald's is the best restaurant.
Oh, I mean, they do have delicious French fries.
I will say that.
Okay.
I mean, yeah.
So trying to find a common point of agreement here, right?
Even if it's not easy.
Right.
Exactly.
Well, here's another one.
All right.
It's so stressful to travel during Thanksgiving.
I get it.
I wouldn't want to be stuck at the airport then.
I will say that.
So this one isn't necessarily like, I think there's something wrong with you for your opinion.
Right.
I'm just, you know, just kind of saying I, yeah, you're right.
And I'm going to highlight this point about it.
Yeah.
Maybe here you don't necessarily have like a story or you don't travel on Thanksgiving.
So you don't really have anything to say or something.
Right.
But you want to say something.
Right.
You want to say something.
Right.
Right.
Exactly.
So This may be that you totally disagree, or maybe you're just trying to relate to a different point.
Or, like Lindsay said I think that's really a good point here is just oh, maybe you don't have very strong feelings about something, but you want to kind of support the person or say yeah sure yeah, whatever.
You gotta say something.
I mean the worst thing for connection is just not to respond, because I mean I've been around people like that that just kind of don't respond when you say things, they just stay quiet.
It's the most awkward thing in the world.
It's like, did you hear me?
Like, are we okay?
Is this thing on?
Yeah.
You get into like a spiral of confidence.
It's like, what's happening?
If I, am I going crazy?
You know?
Right.
So we need to say something to build connection.
Right.
Exactly.
So after the break, Lindsay, we can talk about more ways that we could do this.
Yeah.
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All right, Michelle, let's look for some more ways to connect then in that case.
So really good stuff here.
Good vocabulary.
First one is I'll give you that, right?
Right.
That's basically another way of saying I concede this point to you.
Like you went on this kind of, right?
Yep, exactly.
So let's see how this looks.
So here we go.
Charades is always a good idea for a house party.
It does keep everyone engaged.
I'll give you that.
Yeah.
So you're maybe not a big charades fan.
I don't think I am either.
You have to say something because you want to keep the vibe going.
You want to keep things positive.
Right.
Right.
Right.
I'm not going to say, you know, I hear it doesn't sound like.
I want to say oh yeah, I love charades too.
It's my favorite.
But I'm finding I'm pulling out a positive piece.
Yes.
Or here's another one.
Sprouted bread is my favorite.
I don't love it, but it is healthy.
I'll give you that.
Right.
So you got to find something you can agree on.
Right.
Do you eat, uh, what kind of bread do you eat?
I don't really know what sprouted bread is.
Oh, it's like, I think it's like a Ezekiel bread and stuff like that.
Okay.
I don't remember what that tastes like, but I don't.
I'm sure I've tried it, but I don't.
It tastes like bread.
I like sourdough, sourdough bread.
Oh yeah.
Like sourdough bread is everything.
So, or brioche.
Oh, brioche.
Brioche is so good.
It's so bad for you.
It's so good.
Yeah.
What else, Michelle?
Is there another?
Yeah.
Here's another one is I have to admit.
Okay.
So here we go.
I know you don't like the donut shop down the street, but I'm getting coffee from there if you want any.
Ooh, they do have good coffee.
I have to admit.
Sure.
Thanks.
Yeah.
So yeah, it just keeps the, you know, keeps things running smoothly socially.
Right.
Let's try another.
My commute is way worse than yours.
You do have to deal with city traffic, I have to admit, but my commute is no picnic either.
Yeah.
So you're sticking up for yourself a little bit here, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, you know, you can see this can also introduce or be used to share your point, right?
Just in a way that shows that you're open and willing to concede certain things.
So that's really important for connection.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah.
No one wants to talk to the person that Has to hammer home their opinion on everything and has to disagree with everyone on everything.
I know that person.
Actually, right.
Do you know that person?
Well, I've been around people like that in the past.
It's just like it's exhausting.
Exactly right.
You're just always kind of on the defense.
Then you're like, oh god, i always have to defend how i feel about everything, or this person is judging or criticizing me.
Yeah right yeah, oh my gosh, i had a family member that used to do this.
It used to drive my mom nuts because my mom was a child development specialist, like a child psychologist, and my uncle used to pick apart her expertise and And it would drive her insane.
Especially that when someone kind of picks apart, like what you're an expert in, like PhD expert, you know, and she would go crazy.
So I think if she could have just done this, it would have been easier on her mind, you know?
Right, right.
And you can have a kind of little chuckle to yourself about it.
Yeah, sure.
That's great.
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We have one more.
Lindsay, what is this one?
You've got a point there, right?
You've got a point there.
Okay.
So this one, you can also just say you've got a point.
It's either add the there or don't.
Yeah.
Let's do a demo.
We should wait to call her until tomorrow.
Why?
I want to call, but it's too late.
All right.
You've got a point there.
She does go to sleep early.
Nice.
All right, Michelle, any favorites here?
Hmm.
Which one is my favorite?
I think I like I will say that.
Yeah, I'll give you that.
I think those are my favorites.
What do you think?
Yeah, same.
I like I'll give you that.
It sounds kind of cool to me.
So I'll give you that.
Yeah.
All right.
Roleplay has a lot of this episode has a lot of role plays, but our listeners love role plays.
Oh, yeah.
You know, one of our favorite things we do here in All Ears English.
So let's do one more and bring them all together.
Bring it home.
All right, here we go.
So we are planning a trip to New York City.
All right, here we go.
Okay.
So we should definitely visit Zabar's on the Upper West Side.
I love their coffee.
They do have amazing coffee, I have to admit.
We also have to see a Broadway show.
Yeah, but it may be too expensive.
You've got a point there, but it would be so worth it.
I'll think about it.
TKTS does have some pretty good discounts.
I'll give you that.
And we have to visit the High Line.
I've been there so many times.
I know, but it's my favorite place.
I mean, I will say the views are beautiful.
Exactly.
Yeah, it sounds like maybe I'm the tourist here and you're a local or something, right?
Or like you used to live in New York maybe, and I just want to do all these touristy things and you're like oh, I've done that before, but I'll give you know you're giving some concessions here.
Did you ever go to Zabar's in New York?
No, Zabar's I never did.
Oh, it's great.
Is it a coffee shop or is it a restaurant?
They have coffee and they also have like a little restaurant, I think, but it's actually a grocery store, but it's just kind of an iconic place.
Um okay, you know been around forever kind of place.
So next got it, is it only on the upper west side?
Just on the upper west side?
Yeah, it's just this one.
Yeah, i didn't go there very much.
Yeah, i stayed downtown pretty much.
Um okay um, let's go all right, here we go.
So i said i love their coffee and you said hmm, they do have amazing coffee, i have to admit.
So again, this isn't necessarily you saying i disagree, but you're kind of like Not that interested.
It sounds like you're more interested in the Broadway show.
Right.
Exactly.
And then I said, we got to see a Broadway show.
And you said it might be too expensive.
And then I made a concession here.
I said, you've got a point there, but it would be so worth it.
Right.
So a concession.
But now I'm still promoting my opinion that we should go.
Mm hmm.
And I said, I'll think about it.
TKTS does have some pretty good discounts.
I'll give you that.
So I'm saying, yeah, it's expensive.
But yeah, we could get a discount.
Yeah, it's possible.
Yep.
And then the Highline, I want to visit the Highline.
But and you have been there so many times, but I say it, but I love it.
And then you say what i mean, i will say i mean, i will say the views are beautiful.
So yeah, i could have said that.
I could have also said i mean the views are beautiful.
I will say that, right.
So, however you want to put it but yeah yeah, i'm conceding this point.
Yeah, i know you're excited about i do love the highline um, and i'm saying yeah, that that's true.
There's like a lot of great things about the highline, and i'm gonna highlight one here.
Yeah, I think when I was living there, they were just building it or hadn't built it yet, or something, because I feel like they built it late.
I don't know.
Yeah, it was a new thing.
It was I think it was just railroad track when I was living there.
But then they made it and it became this whole thing really popular among locals and tourists.
Right.
It's not just a tourist.
It is one of those.
Yeah, it's kind of interesting that way.
So guys, I believe this came from the original conversation was on 2517.
Did you spend a fortune?
How to talk about your expensive purchases?
Yes.
And Michelle, this truly is a connection episode, isn't it?
Oh, yeah.
Again, this is not this is about not dismissing someone.
Not just saying, or I don't agree.
That's ridiculous.
We don't want to do that when we're trying to make connections with people.
And this just really is a great way to, even if you don't agree completely, or that you can still say something.
As Lindsay said, I think the point, the big takeaway here is You got to say something.
You got to say something.
Don't just stare blankly or don't look away and say nothing.
That will kill connection probably faster than totally shutting down the idea, right?
So there are two things we want to avoid, not saying anything and then shutting down the idea.
We're finding the middle space here, which will help you build your relationship with this person.
Really good.
Definitely.
All right, Lindsay, this was so much fun and I'll talk to you soon.
Yeah, really good stuff today, Michelle.
I'll talk to you soon.
Have a good day.
Bye.
All right, you too.
Bye.
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