This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2560.
Do you want the long or short version?
How to open a story with respect.
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When you get started telling a story and you know it could be a long one, what can you say to find out how much detail the person wants?
Find out today and learn why this is crucial for connection and friendship.
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That's allearsenglish.com slash f l u e n c y s c o r e. Hey there, Michelle.
Hi, Lindsay.
How are you?
Good.
How are you?
What's new?
Good, good.
So, Lindsay, I just have to tell you what happened to me over the weekend.
Do you want either the long version or the short version?
Just give me the highlights.
Okay.
All right.
I actually don't have anything specific to tell you, but I wanted to use that because today we are going to think about an idea, a talk about an idea hello, that I think you came up with, Lindsay.
So what what is it that we're going to talk about today?
Yeah, I came up with this idea because I went to the Ronald Reagan Museum in Southern California.
And apparently what I learned about him is that he used to be a play by play announcer oh, on the radio for sports, i guess.
And that got me thinking about the phrase play by play.
Yo, i don't need a play by play yeah, and that's something we might say to someone right, when we don't like the person is giving you too much information, yeah.
And then i thought okay, this is, this is so important to ask someone exactly how much information do they need or want in that moment, and Because you don't want to be that person that just talks and talks and talks.
Yes, exactly.
So I mean sometimes, when you're about to go into depth with someone, you just really need to check with the listener and see okay, do they have time?
Are they interested?
And you probably should also check in periodically as you tell the story too, right?
By body language, cues, things like that.
Yes, exactly.
And to me, this shows like a huge amount of respect for someone's time.
And we've talked about time and how valued it is in American culture.
So when you show that you respect someone's time, that's really going to be important to them.
Yes guys, we're going to get into a very high level nuanced discussion, but important connection skill today.
Before we do.
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Okay.
Yes, exactly.
So Um, we are going to give to you some ideas of language that you can use to check in with someone before you say more.
Okay.
I do have a friend of a friend who does this.
She's known for this, for these really long winded stories where you'll you just, you just have to settle in.
Once you get started, you get a cup of coffee and just sit down and settle in because she's going to go on and she's Oh, it's become her reputation.
She's funny, but it's become her reputation.
She needs this episode.
She does.
So what should she say then when she starts?
So here are some ideas.
So the first one is just I think we use this in the beginning.
Do you want the long version or the short version?
Yeah, perfect.
Straightforward, right?
So let's see what this looks like.
So tell me the story you wanted to tell me before.
Okay, I will.
But it's a long one.
Do you want the long version or the short version?
Great.
So this is respectful.
It's very attuned to me socially and emotionally.
What am I ready for?
Right?
Right.
Exactly.
And just by you asking, it shows I'm not going to be offended, whichever answer you choose.
So you don't need to feel weird being like, oh, you know, The short version is fine, right?
Like you don't have to feel bad.
Exactly, exactly.
And here's my favorite phrase, play-by-play, right?
So again, this literally used to be the name of a role, a job of a radio announcer for sports, the play-by-play announcer.
It's what Ronald Reagan did in college or sometime in his 20s or something.
But now it's become just a phrase that That means giving too much information, right?
Or just all the information.
All the information.
Yeah.
So you might say, Do you want the full play by play or just the highlights?
Right.
So, yeah, it sounds like sports.
I mean, either you're listening, either you're watching the whole game.
You're hearing everything the announcer has to say, every basket, every goal, whatever sport it is, or just the highlights, where you're watching the clips.
Right.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So let's do let's see what that looks like, Michelle.
OK, so what happened with you and Jordan?
Oh, man.
Do you want the full play by play or just the highlights?
I want to hear everything.
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Okay, Michelle, we're back.
We have another one more thing, one or two more things we could say to double check how much information people want.
So the next one is, do you want the full story or the abridged version?
Nice.
Yeah, the abridged version means the shortened version.
Um yeah, so sometimes yeah, you see, books will publish like an abridged version notes yeah, i remember yes, notes.
Yeah oh, i remember yellow books yep yep yep yep, just the summaries.
Um, so here we go.
There's so much to explain.
I don't mind, are you sure?
Do you want the full story or the abridged version?
Okay good,
Yeah.
So you're really double checking with me here.
And this is being aware of who you're talking with and what they need.
Last one is how much detail do you want me to go into?
It feels wordy, but it's communicative, right?
Yeah.
The word detail is how much detail.
This is very specific.
And this one doesn't have to be for an actual story.
So let's see how it's used here.
Yeah.
I really want to hear more about your job.
I want to understand what you do on a daily basis.
Wow.
Thanks.
Well, it's a lot.
How much detail do you want me to go into?
Yeah.
So this isn't a story.
I mean, you could also be telling a story with this expression about how much detail do you want.
But yeah, here you're just saying they're, you know.
Yeah, I'll tell you.
What am I supposed to say?
Monday I get in at 9 and then I check my email.
Or do you just want some basics?
Sure, sure.
And so why do we feel like these phrases are important, Michelle, for connection?
Yeah, so again, what we mentioned was respecting someone's time.
Huge in American culture.
Very important to show that you... And you are... It just shows that you're thinking...
Above a certain level, right?
You're not thinking just so everybody just wants to hear what I say.
And I'm just so excited to talk that I'm not even going to think this through.
It shows that you put some extra thought into how you sound, what people are looking for and really giving people that choice.
I totally agree with you.
It's a self-awareness that you are not the most important thing in the world, right?
And maybe everyone doesn't care about all these little details as much as you do, right?
Good.
And I also think that it can allow you to get to know the person, how they listen in stories.
So, right?
Like how much interest do they have?
How much time do they have?
It might give you some insight into them as well.
Yeah, interesting.
Interesting point.
So let's see what this looks like in a role play then?
Right okay, all right, so we're just using one of them, because you would only say this one time in a conversation.
Right, so we're not gonna use them exactly exactly.
And we're at a party?
Uh we're, but we're in line for food, so there might be like a potluck and there's a line there right, so here we go.
Okay, here we go.
So you never told me how kylie and george got engaged oh right well, it's a long story.
Do you want the long version or the short version?
Well, I want to hear everything, but it's hard to hear now.
Right.
I'll give you the abridged version.
Okay.
Right.
Cause we're in line.
Maybe it's loud at the party.
So I just, but I want to hear something.
I want to hear something.
Exactly.
So I said, oh, right.
Well, it's a long story.
Do you want the long version or the short version?
This is good.
This shows a high, I mean, not everyone does this.
Not all native speakers do this.
It's a personality thing.
I think it shows good character.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I totally agree.
So, yeah, I said you said it's a long story.
Do you want the long version of the short version?
And then I said my answer.
And then it was interesting.
You said, right, I'll give you the abridged version.
So I didn't say I want the short version, but I kind of gave this answer of like oh, I really do want it, but I can't hear.
So I want the basics.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
So again, this is it.
I mean, it's very straightforward today's episode, but I like it because if our listeners can just take this one tip, these few phrases, and implement them, they will be ahead of probably 50 of native speakers socially.
You know what I mean?
I mean, a lot of people just don't do this when they should do it.
Do you know anyone, Michelle, in your life that tends to tell a long story?
Yeah, I do.
Yeah, I do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So we're getting our listeners ahead of the game here.
I love it.
Yes.
Is there another episode we could go to?
Yes, guys.
Check out episode 2551.
That was a fun one.
Embrace both meanings of this useful English word.
Beautiful.
And we talked all about the word embrace and how many different meanings that word has.
You wouldn't imagine.
So go and check it out.
Any other final takeaway?
I mean, self-awareness is huge.
Self-awareness, respecting of others.
I just think it's a great way to, you know, build that connection.
So show people you care about their time.
And I think context also matters here.
Are we sitting by a campfire and you have the floor for three hours and there is space?
Or are you at a busy party, maybe in a big city, where people are just are kind of mingling, wanting to meet each other?
Right.
So context really matters.
But you can't go wrong by just asking, you know, how in are you on this story?
Right.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So this was a fun one.
Thank you Lindsay, for bringing that idea to us and also for teaching us a little bit about Ronald Reagan.
Yeah, I know.
There's a lot to learn here.
All right.
Good stuff, Michelle.
I'll see you very soon.
You have a good day.
You too.
Bye.
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