This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2421.
You are actually going to love this episode.
Welcome to the All Ears English podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times.
Are you feeling stuck with your English?
We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection with your American hosts, Michelle Kaplan, the New York Radio girl and Aubrey Carter, the IELTS Wiz, coming to you from Arizona and New York City, USA.
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This may actually be the most useful episode you hear all year.
Today you'll learn four different ways to use the word actually to connect in English.
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Hey Michelle, how's it going?
Hey Aubrey. How are you?
Excellent. I have a fun question for you here.
Yes. Do you like the movie Love Actually?
I know we've mentioned this film on the podcast before.
Yes, we have. Um, and yes, I do I do love it I do know and I I'm sure you feel the same way I know there are certain things when you watch it.
They're a little cringey now right a little cringy But I don't know sometimes to me when I see something from the past like that I I I still I Yeah, yeah In the the time frame that it was made.
I don't want it to get destroyed for me And I mean, you know, so anyway...
The biggest issue I have with it actually is the fat shaming.
So like the prime minister secretary, there are all these comments, like making fun of her for being heavy.
Hey, she's not. No, not at all.
And even if she were not OK, like I feel very strongly about...
And so it just seems strange, seems kind of out of place.
I'm just like, what?
And also, no. But almost everything else that anyone else would have a problem with, I'm like, you know, I'm like, it's fine.
I mean, I agree with you right there are certain things that are not you know, that didn't hold up well.
I think Lindsay and I've done a whole episode on that.
Like what didn't age?
Well, um, but you know, you can either enjoy something or not.
I mean, well, and that's such a great thing to talk about anyway.
Like I love conversations about whether something has held up.
Jessica, and I were talking about the movie.
So I married an axe murderer with my class She was like, it did not hold up.
I'm like, Oh, no, cuz I loved it when I was younger So this guy is have conversations about this if you rewatch something and it didn't hold up it's not as funny.
It's not as entertaining, whatever.
What a great way to connect with somebody Ask them like, do you think it held up?
Have you watched it recently?
Right, and I'm looking for that episode, but I can't find it right now.
But, um, but yeah, We definitely we talked about this is a huge connection topic.
So um, well today we are not talking about We are talking about the word actually this is interesting because the movie it's called that because at the end He says love actually is is all around Is related because the word actually and we use this word constantly in English I think I probably have said it five times since the episode started without even thinking about it Um, so uh, Aubrey, this question comes to us from YouTube from Polly 129 and it says, um, it's, it, there was one comment about the episode and then it says, wow, an episode about actually would be of great interest. So thank
you so much Polly 129 for bringing that topic to our attention.
I think we spoke about it on another episode.
We said we needed to do an update on actually because this is such an important and common Word and it's used in so many different ways that we're going to break down today.
So we may end up doing some sort of mini series on this.
We're going to see how it goes and what we still feel we need to cover.
So Aubrey, what do you think?
Yeah, I love that because I use this a lot.
I hear this a lot and I agree.
We use it in lots of different ways.
So be sure to hit follow in case we make this a series, right?
We really enjoy doing this where and some of the series are both here on All Ears English English and business English, so be sure to hit follow on both podcasts.
That's right. So in general, I would say that actually is kind of about being surprised or that something is really or, or, or shocking in some way.
But one other way that it's used is to kind of pull back or hedge.
Right. And that's really helpful and important for daily life.
So Aubrey, what do you think about that?
Okay, yeah, let's give some examples of how we do that.
I agree, I do this a lot.
I might say, I was actually hoping we could go to the beach one more day before we leave. And yeah, this is softening just a little bit this request, right?
I'm not saying we need to go to the beach before we leave. Right, right.
I was actually thinking actually yeah.
Or here's another way you could soften.
You could say let's actually leave a little earlier Earlier if that's okay Because if you look at the difference if you just say let's leave a little earlier if that's okay Alright, it is a little more harsh a little more blunt.
You're not respecting someone else's time So we just add this word actually to hedge to soften so that we don't seem so demanding right, right, right right and I feel that there is a bit of Thinking in the moment when you use it like this.
Oh, let's actually leave a little earlier if that's okay It's almost like, I'm actively thinking and this is naturally coming out.
But another way we use it is to correct something that is wrong, right?
Yes. You're giving directions.
You might say, turn right.
Actually, sorry. Turn left. It's the way you're interrupting yourself and sort of saying, scratch that, never mind, actually left. Yes.
Actually, I was just with my parents and we were trying to get to a store and my GPS was had no idea where I was.
Does that ever happen to you, Aubree?
Absolutely. No clue.
It kept on giving me all sorts of, yeah.
So I felt like that's what my GPS would have been wanting to say.
Actually do this. Actually do that.
Yes, right? It's like showing that you're in a lake or something.
It's just not mapped out.
You're in the middle of nowhere.
It's like actually drive out of the lake.
Right. What's happening?
Yes. Yes. it's so weird how that happens.
So, or you can say, this looks good to me.
Actually the date on here needs to be fixed.
So I'm correcting something that was wrong.
Yeah, you thought it looked good, then you notice something.
So there are a lot of ways we can say this, right?
Nevermind, there's so many things, but actually is a good one.
Actually, wait, just kidding.
This is wrong. Hmm.
Or you could say, actually, I live in New Jersey, not Pennsylvania.
So I do live in New Jersey.
So I'm imagining, if If you said to me Aubrey, if you said, oh yeah, have you been going out a lot in Pennsylvania or how do you like Pennsylvania so far now that you moved there?
I could say, oh, actually I live in New Jersey, not Pennsylvania.
Right. And this is actually a really polite way to correct and incorrect assumption.
This happens a lot, right?
Maybe you miss gender someone.
Maybe yeah, you don't use, say something wrong, you call their child the same name, right?
It's a polite way. Oh, actually her name is Ellen, right?
instead of a more harsh correction that might break the connection.
This is a great way to save the connection when you're correcting someone.
Right! That's such a good point and I didn't even think about that.
It just is a little bit softer when you're thinking about just telling somebody that they are wrong.
So, that's nice. I mean, so you can see though, Ari, that this is such a functional word and it's very versatile.
And we're going to go over more ways that we can use this especially for connection after the break.
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All right, so we also use this to compare something, right.
So let's look at how this might work.
All right. I know it looks cold outside, but it's actually not too bad with a coat on.
Exactly. And what's interesting often actually is not necessary in the sentence.
We absolutely could say, I know it looks cold outside, but it's not too bad with a coat on.
It has the so it's interesting to think about why we're adding.
Actually, here it is a little bit of that surprise, right?
I was kind of surprised.
Oh, actually, it's not bad with a code on right, right, right?
It looks bad and we're comparing it.
We're comparing how it looks to the to the actual to the reality.
So an yeah, and I like that you brought that up as well because some that it's surprising as well because.
Sometimes this word has more than one of the functions we're talking about.
It's a little bit surprising and it's kind of comparing perception versus reality.
So there's so much within this one word. Here's another example.
She actually eats more veggies than her brother.
Yeah, right. So that might be kind of surprising, right?
This I probably use it this way the most if you're trying to make a comparison, but you want to make it a little more interesting.
Be like you might think I'm you know that I would hate horror movies, but actually, I'm a huge fan.
This is a great way to add interest to whatever you're saying.
You could say that in a much more boring way.
Be like, yeah, I know a lot of people don't like horrors, but I do like them.
Right? But you add actually, and you're giving yourself more words to emphasize too, to vary your intonation.
True. Actually, right?
Do it. Aubrey, who's the best eater of all your kids?
Hmm, probably my eldest. she's pretty good about and she wasn't difficult when she was little.
My younger kids they just snack they will sneak snacks so then they're not hungry for dinner they're really bad about that.
I need a lock on the snack cabinet.
I know, I've been thinking about getting one of those the kitchens closed signs or something not that they would actually pay attention to them but my kids they they storm in from school I want a snack I want a snack I want a I want a snack.
And yeah, it's just uh, I tried, I'm like, you could have a veggie or a fruit or yogurt because anything else is going to kill their appetite.
I mean, we're having dinner in three hours.
You're not going to be hungry.
Right. Right, right.
Exactly. So, um, and then last, lastly, I just wanted to bring up this way.
This is about that shocked or surprised feeling that you have about something.
So I might say to Aubrey, you actually said that, well, you're brave, right?
So I'm surprised, right?
She said she maybe she stood up to someone that I was afraid of.
And I'm saying she's brave, right.
So this is funny because I feel like often when you say this, the person's going to respond and say, Well, no, I didn't actually say that.
But I thought it or, but I said this, right?
They're like, because often you're exaggerating.
You're like wanting to tell a good story.
So if you say to someone, did you actually say that?
I feel like 98 % of the time the answer is like, well, no, I didn't actually say that.
Right. That's so true.
That's so true. I feel like that just happened to me the other day.
Or what's another example?
Yeah. You might say, wow, we are actually going to be on time for once.
This is a really passive aggressive way to tell someone who's always late that you're like surprised they weren't late for once.
Right? Right. Right.
Oh, you're actually on time.
Yeah. Oh, look at that.
We're actually going to be on time, shocker.
Or this one is, I hate olives.
But I could say, if let's say I found an olive I liked, which would never happen.
But I could say I usually hate olives, but I actually like these ones.
Oh, interesting. I love every olive.
So you and I, this is not a mutual interest. Not a mutual interest. I love olives.
If even something, if an olive has touched something in a salad and I can taste like the residue on the salad, even that's too much for me.
I have a feeling a lot more of our listeners agree with me than you.
Michelle, I think this should be the poll question today.
Do you think it's crazy that Michelle hates olives?
Yes or no? Come and answer that poll on Spotify.
I want to know. Perfect.
Perfect. Definitely.
Um, so let's just do a short review before we, because we taught a lot of information today.
Uh, so let's just kind of go through and review.
So one way that we spoke about was to hedge, right?
Oh I was actually hoping we would do this, often just soften or what was the other one?
Aubrey to correct something that is wrong or an incorrect assumption.
I'd be like, oh, you know, actually my name is Aubrey.
A lot of people call me Audrey with a D.
Oh actually it's Aubrey and I'm trying to say that really politely.
And you're keeping the connection while correcting someone.
Another thing is you could talk about comparing things, right?
Perception versus reality.
It looks cold but it's actually not too bad.
Yeah and lastly to compare something talking about what it's really like, right?
You know it looks cold but it's actually quite nice out.
Right. or when you are shocked or surprised.
So you actually said that?
You're so brave. Should we do a role play, Aubrey?
Yeah, let's do it. We are on vacation together.
It's our last day of vacation.
That's always sad when you hit that last day of vacation.
Do you ever, do you, there's always kind of this unsaid strange feeling that starts coming up maybe the last half of a vacation.
Do you feel it? Do you start feeling it towards the end or do you just kind of, are you able to totally - It's the same with a, the rising action and the climax in the middle and then like oh we feel it ending you have this.
Yes absolutely. I think we've all been there.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll start us.
Ready? So what should we do on our last day?
I actually think we should just go back to the shops.
You actually want to do that we have shops at home.
Well there was this one place I wanted to check out.
Wasn't it called Lea's jewelry?
Oh that place, actually it's Lea's Jewels.
Oh, right, yeah. I don't normally shop that much but I actually want to go back there.
Then we can get lunch?
Actually, that's a good idea.
There's great restaurants on the strip there.
Sounds like a plan.
Nice, this is definitely a conversation I've had with a friend, because I hate shopping.
And they'll always want to shop and look for souvenirs and then let's go check these places out again.
I'm like, ugh, I'd rather do anything else.
That's funny. No, I like I had rather die.
Well, I like going shopping if it's a cute local shopping, I remember I was on vacation somewhere once and I was shocked because it was all chain stores.
And I thought that I'm like, where's the area where you get the cute local artists and the, you know, that's what I like.
So I do like shopping, but not for things that I can find at home, My favorite is in Rocky Point, like, vendors will walk along the beach and so I'm like, yes, I just am going to buy like a little bracelet for my daughter from this, and then I don't have to go to the shops.
That's perfect. That's perfect.
I get a little, sorry.
Yeah, sorry. I kind of know we could chat forever, right?
Okay, here we go. So first you said, I actually think we could just go back to the shops.
So this is hedging a little bit, right?
You're kind of putting forward this idea of what you might like to to do, but you're not being demanding.
You're trying to say what you'd like to do without being bossy or demanding.
Right, right. And then you are like, what?
You said you actually want to do that?
We have shops at home.
I'm expressing surprise here, right?
You actually want to do that.
It's kind of a rude...
That's not the nicest way to say that, right?
Yeah. That one's Aubree, that wasn't so nice.
Right. I would probably instead be like, really?
But there are shops at home, right?
To say you actually want to do that is very critical and judgmental of what they've just said.
Right. And then I'm asking about the name of the store.
I'm trying to remember and I said, wasn't it Leea's Jewelry?
And you said, oh, that place, actually it's Leea's Jewels, right?
So you're correcting me.
Correcting there, exactly.
And this is a polite, softer way.
Oh actually, it's this.
Instead of like, you're wrong, it's Leea's Jewels.
You silly person, how could you think that right?
And then you said, I actually want to go back there.
Yeah, oh man, so many.
Oh, and then the last one, actually, that's a good idea.
And it's funny because sometimes when we have the same word in one role -play like this, it would feel like wow, we're saying actually a lot with this word. I don't know that it does because we use it so often in so many ways.
Yup, I was thinking the exact same thing.
I have so many times, you know, Lindsay and I will be doing a role -play and it's that we wouldn't actually do this.
We wouldn't actually say actually this many, but actually, yes, we actually would.
We actually would say it this much in one conversation.
It's true. And actually I have an episode that I recommend our listeners check out next which was episode 2333 that was vocabulary that is worth the trouble.
Nice. Awesome. This is such a great episode.
I kind of want to count how many times we said the word actually in the episode and share that in a future episode.
We're gonna have you guys guess how many times do you think we actually said actually in this episode a lot, a lot?
Well, this is so much fun.
And I mean, takeaway, this is just a huge word for connection.
This word is thrown out constantly all the time.
Do you know, don't worry about, I mean, don't say it every, every other word, right?
But if it makes sense, and there are so many times when it does make sense to use it, you're going to hear it everywhere.
So go for it. And like we said, yeah, it's really important to soften criticism, soften corrections.
If someone makes an assumption, you can either make them feel really uncomfortable by how you correct them or if you throw in a word like actually and soften it, you can save that connection.
All right. Well, this was fun, Aubrey, and I'll see you next time.
Yes awesome see you guys next time.
All right. Thanks for listening to All Ears English.
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