This is an All Ears English podcast episode 2307 how to connect in English as an introvert.
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Does personality type affect your ability to connect in English?
It doesn't have to.
The drive to connect is stronger than any personality type.
Today get four tips to connect if you are an introvert.
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Hey Aubrey, what's shaking?
I'm great. How are you, Lindsay?
Good. I'm feeling good.
Aubrey, are you more of an introvert or an extrovert?
I'm definitely an extrovert.
I love socializing, I love going to parties and I feel energized afterward.
What about you, Lindsay?
I'm like an ambivert, I think.
I think I'm somewhere in between.
I think I was more of an extrovert as a kid and in my 20s.
I think I've become a little bit more introverted as I've gotten older.
But I will say that when I do have good conversations, it releases stress for me.
I unwind through that.
This is so interesting.
We got a great question about this.
We know a lot of you out there are introverts or you might be an introverted extrovert.
Some kind of combination of the two.
So we're going to dive into this today and how you can still connect, you know, whatever you are.
Yeah, for sure. I'm super excited.
So shall I go ahead and read Rodolfo's question?
Yeah, let's do it. All right.
So Rodolfo says, Hello, dear Lindsay, Michelle, Jessica and Aubrey.
I'm Rodolfo Miguel from Brazil.
I love to listen to your amazing podcast and I've been doing this for three years now.
My story with Allers English as a listener began with a friend of mine who happened to be learning English by himself, just like me.
He said there was a very good podcast that I should definitely listen to.
And as soon as he sent me the link, I opened the episode Allers English 1177.
How far do language apps take you?
I didn't think I was going to enjoy it so much.
I mean, that energy, that enthusiasm, that connection you guys always have.
I couldn't stop listening to you guys.
I love this. Thank you, Rodolfo, for this positive feedback.
It's like a love letter from Rodolfo.
I love it. I love it.
I love it. One thing that caught my attention lately was the fact that some students of English, like me, are introverts.
Can you show us some useful expressions about how we can feel safe being who we are as introverts, like in phrasal verbs and idioms?
You have no idea how many times you've helped me with your show.
Love you guys, Rodolfo.
Oh my gosh, can I just take a minute to cry?
I know. I agree. Thank you, Rodolfo, for this amazing email.
Thank you, everyone who emails us or leaves us a review.
It really does mean a lot to know that you love the way we're teaching English.
You also believe in connection, not perfection.
I love seeing all of these messages.
Yes, thank you, Rodolfo.
It is such an important question to answer today, right?
Because first of all, all personalities are good.
We just have to know ourselves, right?
Yes, exactly. I think it's huge to understand whether you're an introvert or an extrovert.
If this is new to you, this is going to be very useful today.
Every phrasal verb, every idiom in English, everything we're teaching on the show is useful, whether you're an introvert or an extrovert.
It's all about how you go about making those connections and if you are giving yourself the self -care to recharge after those connections.
Yes, exactly. We want to go through, just make sure we're on the same page with you guys, with our listeners, as to what it means to be an extrovert or an introvert.
To do that, we got to go back to classic psychology, Carl Jung.
I remember studying Carl Jung in college in my psych degree.
He's a famous, one of the big, big psychologists that you study.
He originally coined these terms, introvert and extrovert.
It's all about our different psychologies, how our minds work, what gives us energy.
We're first going to go through these terms and then we're going to share some tips, both from ourselves, from our experience.
Also, we found an amazing article called, An Introvert's Guide to Socializing, How to Get Out There When You Need Time to Recharge.
This was by Charlotte Granger, September of 2023 on trudy .com, which had some great tips for, that's the thing, you don't want to waste the opportunities of making connections.
You just have to think about, how do I adjust this, depending on my personality?
For sure. We're going to customize things based on how we know we work best.
Exactly. Let's dive first into, what is an introvert, Lindsay?
By definition, from Carl Jung, another psychologist, psychiatrist, an introvert is a person whose interest is directed inward toward their own failings and thoughts.
Their energy can get zapped easily by too much stimulation.
Imagine if you're in Times Square, there's lights flashing everywhere, people everywhere.
It can make them less eager to socialize if they're overly stimulated.
It's a lot about what takes your energy.
Some people get energy from chatting with other people, and some people still want to have those connections, but they'll feel very drained after.
An introvert, Jessica is this way, she's let us know on our team.
She's very social, but then she will be exhausted and need to recharge afterward.
Yep, exactly. Then what is an extrovert?
This is someone whose attention is directed toward the outside world.
They get energy from being around other people.
They are naturally gregarious.
This is a fun word that means very social, fond of company, loves being around other people.
Their social calendar is probably full months in advance because they feel this need to be around others.
They get energy from those social interactions.
Yes, and gregarious, again, great word, right?
Great high level C1 word.
Absolutely, I love this word.
Whenever someone throws gregarious into a conversation, I'm like, okay, all right, I'm impressed.
Lately, we've been nuancing this conversation, which it deserves some nuance, because again, most people are not going to fall squarely into one bucket or the other.
When do we actually fall into buckets?
Almost never. People aren't simple, right?
Some days, you're this way, some days, you're that way, some months, some years.
Yeah, so I noticed you used the word ambivert.
I love that. Like someone who's ambidextrous, you could also be an ambivert.
They're sort of both in a way.
We also have the terms introverted extrovert.
What is this, Lindsay?
An introverted extrovert.
Someone who has a combination of introverted and extroverted traits, but they lean more towards extroversion.
That's why they're an introverted extrovert.
So, they're an extrovert who might have some introverted traits.
They enjoy social interaction, but they also do need that time alone to recharge.
That's what I am. Very common.
Yeah, you probably, most people, I think, are where you are pretty extroverted.
You love being around people, but you still need time alone afterward to recharge.
I'm this way as well.
I feel very extroverted, but there are times I'm like, I just want to read a book, sit by myself, and though I'm maybe not mentally thinking about it that way, it is because I need to sort of recharge my batteries.
Exactly. You need that space for your mind to absorb things and just kind of rest, that resting space, right?
Right. And then we also have extroverted introvert.
So, this is someone who is more outgoing than the typical introvert.
Their personality is nearer to the center of the spectrum, so they might be a little introverted, but they also have those extrovert tendencies as well.
Yes, exactly. And we want to just make sure it's clear.
It doesn't mean that introverts don't have good social skills.
They often do, right?
We're not talking about social skills or how interesting someone is or how socially adept they are.
It's just that it's done differently when you're more of an introvert, right?
Exactly, right? You just need time alone to regain energy levels afterward, but yeah, you might be just as good at socializing as an extrovert.
You just have to take that time and be aware of when you'll need to recharge.
And this is definitely especially draining when socializing in a second language, right?
Lindsay, I have definitely found that.
For sure, yes. 100%.
I think there's just a lot, maybe more stimulation that maybe the brain doesn't quite know what to do with it.
Because if we're not understanding all the words we're hearing, everything potentially could be important, right?
And you are doing more work.
You're thinking of the vocabulary you've been learning.
You're thinking about your grammar.
There's more happening here.
So it is more exhausting to be socializing, to be chatting in English if that's not your first language.
It's the same for me in the languages I'm learning.
So you might need to be even more aware of taking time to recharge after those social interactions.
Yeah, it for sure is exhausting.
I can say that for sure.
We're going to take a quick break and then we're coming back with some really good tips for our listeners here.
Okay, Aubrey, we are back with tip time.
So I'm excited for these tips.
What is tip number one for someone that might lean more towards that introverted spectrum?
Right. So tip number one is just to plan time to recharge after socializing, right?
You have to recognize if you need that downtime, you can't really stack social interactions or go from one thing immediately to the next, or you might find yourself drained, exhausted, not as fun, feeling like you're not yourself or not able to really enjoy the time.
So you might need to, yeah, plan some downtime after interactions.
Yeah, it's so true.
It's so true. When I travel with my partner, my partner is super extroverted, I think, and my partner will want to recharge like at a brewery or a cafe with our group.
If we're traveling in a group of four or five, that'll be recharging for my partner.
But for me, I want to go back to the hotel, kind of relax and be alone in a sense.
So it's a different way of recharging.
That's such a good point.
And in that case, there would need to be compromised because if one person can recharge in a group, chatting, doing something pretty chill, the other person's like, nope, I need quiet.
I need to be alone.
It might be a nap or meditation that would recharge and it won't work if you're with other people.
Yeah, so that's really interesting.
Good conversation to have with family members, travel partners, that sort of thing.
So understanding people recharge differently.
What's number two, Aubrey?
Yeah. So number two is to be authentic, to be yourself.
So this, from that article, I was fascinated by this, that a lot of introverts tend to feel some kind of shame or guilt, and they'll try to pretend to be an extrovert.
This is not sustainable, it's exhausting, and you just won't be able to keep it up.
And eventually people will be like, oh, you're not acting yourself when you actually are.
So you just need to be authentic.
People will appreciate sincerity and value you for it.
Yeah. And there was a book that came out a few years ago called Quiet.
Did you hear about that?
No, I don't think so.
About introverts, Quiet, The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain.
So I haven't read it until the caveat there, but it did make a splash when it came out in 2012.
And I think it is quite validating for introverts from what I've heard.
Empowering and validating.
Yes. And at least in US culture, I think that has typically been sort of the assumption that extroverts are more valued, more fun, et cetera.
But I love, I'd like to read that book.
I think it's very true that introverts sometimes are more interesting.
Maybe they're more thoughtful.
They have more to say.
And so if that is the same in your culture, you may want to fight against that cultural norm or stereotype.
Yeah, it's really hard because on our Business English podcast, Aubrey, we talk about this a lot.
There's a value towards verbal expression in American business culture.
So it's whoever's interjecting in that meeting, talking, giving ideas.
And how do we separate that out?
So maybe we can kind of create a work persona in a sense that's maybe a little more verbal or finds a way to make sure their ideas get heard while still respecting our inner introverts, if we are introverts.
Does that make sense?
Yes, absolutely. I agree.
Interesting. What's the third tip?
If you find yourself feeling drained during a social interaction, take the focus off yourself.
You can recharge while listening.
Ask someone a question.
People love to talk about themselves.
This is a great way to keep the conversation going while you kind of take a step back.
That's a really good point because it's already a power tip, a pro tip to just ask people, don't be a meme monster.
We talk about meme monsters in our C1 and our B2 courses.
It's already a great thing to do.
And if you're already tired, just go ahead and ask questions to someone else about themselves.
They want to talk about themselves anyways.
Exactly. Yes. And number four is quality over quantity.
If you are an introvert, you may want to think about if you have to choose between two interactions, which will be the most valuable, which will maybe be the most fun.
And you may have to decide on the number of interactions that you can have each week or each month and then stick to it.
Right. Because you have to recognize I have to take care of myself first.
Sure. And then maybe there'll be fewer interactions.
You decide balancing that restorative time is just as important.
So then the quality of the people you choose to be around becomes very important.
Exactly. Yes. And finally, our last tip is connection, not perfection.
This is not the first time you've heard this from us.
But from this article, they were talking about calming your social fears.
And we talk about that a lot.
If you're not so stressed about making mistakes with your English, this is going to help.
Don't worry so much about speaking perfectly.
This will help decrease that nervousness and anxiety.
Yes. It's all about making space in our minds to connect away from the social feeling awkward or being afraid of mistakes and giving that space.
If we don't provide the space, it won't happen.
Right. Exactly. We have to think about what are our goals.
If the goal is to connect with others and not to speak perfectly, then you'll reach that goal and there will be some recharging of the energy and feeling like I reached my goal.
I connected with someone.
So cool. All right.
This is inspiring today.
I do want to remind our listeners to hit the follow button right here in Aller's English.
If you love our slogan, connection, not perfection, our value, the way we teach here on the show.
It's all about bringing you real English right here.
What's the takeaway, though?
How should we finish up today?
You guys can still connect in English even if you're an introvert or an introverted extrovert.
It doesn't matter. Use today's tips tips to optimize your social interactions.
Get out there and make those connections.
Exactly. Anyone can become fluent.
It does not matter.
Your personality type fluency goes way beyond that.
Again, if you do come back to the human connection, the desire to connect.
That's what we are meant to do as human beings is connect with other humans.
That goes so much deeper than any personality category or test or type that you could fall into.
All right. Yes, exactly.
Definitely. So we're excited for you guys to build those connections in English.
Yeah. Take those opportunities to get out there and socialize.
You got it, Aubrey.
All right. Well, thanks for being on the mic together and I'll see you next time.
Take care. Bye. Bye guys.
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