This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2152.
Two strategies for wrapping up English conversations.
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When you're at a social event or a party and you want to end the conversation, it matters what you say and how you make the person feel.
Today, get two ways to do this successfully without losing the connection in English.
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Hey there, Aubrey.
How's everything going today?
I am great, Lindsay.
I have a question for you.
Okay.
With the holiday parties that we've been to recently.
I'm curious when it comes to ending a conversation.
Maybe you see someone else you need to talk to or maybe you have to leave.
Do you ever have a hard time wrapping up a conversation with someone?
I do, Aubrey.
Absolutely.
I do because I feel bad, especially when I can tell that the person wants to continue talking and maybe they don't get my cues of dropping eye contact here and there or looking across the room.
That is painful.
Yes, me too.
We got a question about this and I immediately was like, I can relate.
This is difficult.
You have, especially in a second language, a language you're learning to have, the vocabulary and the confidence to be able to wrap up a conversation without awkwardness is difficult.
So we're going to share some great strategies and vocabulary today.
We first need to just share, what does this mean, wrap up?
This is an interesting phrasal verb we're using, right?
So in this context, it means to finish or to finish something, to end a conversation.
And I think it really matters that we're doing this today Aubrey, as well, because it matters how you finish that conversation for your connection with that person.
Don't leave them behind.
Don't sever the connection just because you want to talk to the person across the room.
Exactly.
That's your last impression.
And the wrap up is key.
You can't just end a conversation.
Can't say, okay, well, bye.
Well, nice to see you.
Bye.
Right.
That's awkward.
It's cruel.
And there's no wrap up.
You need the wrap up.
You need something to end the conversation.
And then you leave them with a good impression.
Yeah.
So I am super excited to get into this today for our listeners.
I love it when we have a great listener question.
First Aubrey, let's send our listeners back to another episode.
We did that also was one of the top, most most important, most useful episodes right.
What was that?
Yes.
And here we are sharing a fault that sometimes we aren't able to wrap up conversations, right?
Sometimes we can deepen a connection by sharing faults.
And that's what this episode was all about.
It was 2125, how to share your faults in English for deeper connection. connection.
So if you missed that one, scroll up, be sure to listen to it and hit follow.
So you don't miss any of our episodes.
Yeah, that was a great episode that just, uh, we're recording in advance today.
So that one just came out this past week and it really is important to be able to, let's say, if you're not in a good mood in the mornings, typically you're not going to say I'm a monster in the morning.
You're going to say I'm a bit of a monster in the morning, right?
And that is such a key skill.
So share it, but soften it a little bit.
You're going to learn great vocab and strategies to do that.
Yes.
All right Aubrey, do you want to go ahead and read the question from our listener first?
For a change here.
This is from Paulo Henrique from Brazil.
And he said, Hi, Aubrey and Lindsay.
First, I'm so glad to have come across your content on YouTube.
These videos have helped me a lot throughout this year.
I can't even explain how many words and expressions I've learned with you girls.
Wow, that is so amazing.
Aubrey, how does that make you feel?
Amazing.
I know if you guys aren't watching on YouTube.
Sometimes it's so helpful to be able to see the video.
See our expressions.
It depends on what type of learner you are, you know, but if you are listening to the podcast and it's not quite, check out YouTube.
These videos are also on YouTube.
Yeah.
You can't lose.
You can find the best way to consume All Ears English.
We are pretty much everywhere.
So, okay.
So what does Paolo want to know?
So he said, I'm still at the intermediate level of English.
And recently I noticed how complicated it has been for me to wrap up a conversation with a friend.
Can you tell me some best approaches to end a chat in a good way?
I hope this topic gives you an amazing episode.
Yes, it did.
Well done, Paolo.
Thanks for your attention.
Have a good day.
I love this question.
Like I said, I immediately was like, yep, I can relate.
This is difficult even in my first language, let alone in French and Spanish.
It's just a tough skill.
Well, it's just as much a language problem as it is kind of a skill, as it is a social intelligence skill, right?
Because there are plenty of native speakers that know all the words but don't have the social intelligence to do this well and to take care of the person like, make the person feel like they're being treated well and respected and that you like that person right.
That's what we want to come away with.
So let's get into it, right?
Yes.
Right.
Anyone can end a conversation, but can you do it while letting someone know that you regret having to stop talking?
Right.
There's a lot that goes into it.
So we first want to share that.
We got a fairly similar question not long ago, but it was more specific to ending conversations at work.
So, on the Business English podcast, episode 112 was how to extract yourself from an English conversation that was very specific to at work.
And so if you're working in English, be sure to go check that one out.
Today, we're going to share tips that are more specific to daily conversations.
Maybe you're at a party, maybe you're at the park, you need to end that conversation.
Today we'll share how to do that.
Yeah, and we do want you guys to go over and find the business english podcast.
Listen to that one, because they're going to be quite different the way you end.
These conversations between the social realm and the business realm are pretty different, so we want to make sure we know the difference Exactly.
Yep.
We're sharing more informal vocabulary today, right?
So this first one, our first strategy is to share the reason you're leaving.
Share a reason to leave, right?
It's always awkward to end a conversation if you don't have a reason or if you don't share a reason, because you're sending the message that you just don't want to talk to that person anymore.
So always share a reason.
Yes.
I love it.
I love it.
So what is an example of this, Aubrey?
Yeah.
So say you ran into a friend at a store.
You need to wrap up the conversation.
We want to teach a little bonus vocab here.
The phrase I've got to run or I have to run, which means the same as I have to leave.
But there's just something more friendly and informal about it to say, I got to run.
Wouldn't you say, Lindsay?
I agree.
There's something that native speakers do.
They choose these different words that make it feel more acceptable, more smooth, something about that.
We could do a whole other episode on leave versus I've got to leave, I've got to run.
Totally different.
I have to leave sounds almost like emergency and abrupt, but I got to run.
Oh, yeah, no problem.
Totally.
So should I share the first example?
Yeah.
So you run into a friend in a store.
So fun running into you.
I have to be at work at nine, so I've got to run.
Let's talk soon.
Okay.
Yes.
Right.
So I love there's sort of three chunks here just to say like, oh, it was so fun running into you.
I'm so glad I ran into you.
Anything like that.
And the next sentence- why you have to leave.
I have to be at work at nine.
I've got to run errands.
It can be anything.
You're giving the reason that you have to end the conversation and then to use this very native natural.
So I've got to run.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then I also love the chunk at the end.
Let's talk soon.
Let's get together soon.
Right.
It feels so much like I really regret that I'm having to end this conversation.
I'd love to talk more soon.
Yeah, it does.
It makes it sound like you want to talk to that person again, which is really important, want to leave them feeling like they want to talk to you again.
Um, i would say the one thing that watch out for here don't make something up like if it's not true, find another way out of it right, because you can get yourself into trouble for sure.
So this is our second bit of advice is you can absolutely stay general.
If you just want to end the conversation, you don't have anywhere to be, which is rare.
Like you probably do have errands or you need to get home, whatever.
But you absolutely can stay general.
You could say the same chunk and say, so fun running into you.
I have a bunch of errands to run.
So I've got to run.
Let's talk soon, right?
Yes.
And whether you're going to go and do them right now or not, everyone's always got errands to do.
Eventually, you have errands to do, right?
You can't go wrong.
You definitely don't lie if you're being more specific, right?
Just keep it broad.
Keep it general.
Everyone has errands to do.
And you can even be more general than that, right?
If you actually do have no errands, first of all, I'm jealous.
I always have returns to make and groceries to buy.
But if you have no errands, you don't have to share where you're going.
You can just say, I've got to run.
Right.
Yeah, exactly.
That's not required to make the person feel connected to you or supported or respected.
Right.
Yeah.
You can just say, so nice to see you.
I've got to run.
Have a great day.
Also fine.
Right.
They don't really care probably.
And you don't have to share where you're going.
You can just say, I've got to run.
All right.
So today we have our role plays in a different format.
We're going to give you the role play right now so you can see exactly how this is done.
Right, Aubrey?
Exactly.
A quick little role play here.
You and I are at an auto shop chatting.
We ran into each other.
Okay, cool.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear about your car troubles.
It's always something, isn't it?
Seriously.
Well, I have to run.
I've got a few errands I need to take care of.
Right.
Just like that.
So you've dropped off your car.
You run into someone you know.
You're chatting for a few minutes.
You can just say, well, nice to see you.
Got a few errands I need to take care of.
And then you say goodbye.
And you know what strikes me?
We do have a pro tip.
But before we get into that pro tip for our listener, what strikes me here is we're not apologizing for walking away.
There's no apology implied or given here, which I like that.
There's no shame in it.
Yeah.
And I feel like if you do add an apology, it might create a little bit of awkwardness.
It might make them feel like you shouldn't be leaving.
Like if you're apologizing and you feel bad, maybe you don't really have a reason to leave.
Does that make sense?
If you don't apologize, it's because you really do have to leave.
It's not because you don't want to talk to them anymore.
Exactly.
It's just friendly.
There's something nice about just being straightforward in your speech.
And then we did have a pro tip, how you added well, or I added, well, I have to run.
What do we mean here by saying well?
So this word, well, signals a conversation is being wrapped up.
You could have said, well, sorry to hear about your car troubles.
Nice to see you.
I have to run.
And if you just start it with, well, this is a wrap-up signal.
Like I'm about to give you a reason that I have to leave.
Yeah.
It's a transition into kind of a new idea.
And that idea is that I need to finish the conversation.
So I love that.
I love that.
So good.
Right.
Aubrey.
Yes, absolutely.
Okay.
We are here for number two.
Now, what would be the second way we can get out of a conversation?
Yes.
This works really well if you're at a party or an event, you need to wrap up a conversation but aren't leaving the event.
Maybe you see someone else you need to talk to, or the conversation has just run its course and you need to wrap up the conversation.
A great reason is that you're going to get a drink or something to eat.
So we're going to share some phrases to do that with a little vocab bonus here grab a drink or grab something to eat.
Grab is great.
Grab is everywhere, right?
I always say this.
I'm going to grab a drink.
Yeah, it's everywhere.
It's so funny.
People use it a lot when they invite someone out.
You want to grab coffee next week.
It's one of those words, like the one we talked about earlier in the episode, that makes you feel more smooth socially.
Yes, exactly right.
Leave versus run, get versus grab.
I think we should definitely do an episode on those ones, Aubrey.
Let's pull those out and talk about them in a separate episode.
Maybe there's another pair we can come up with.
Guys, hit that follow button on All Ears English for 2024.
So good.
What's next?
So here's an example.
You might say, so good to see you.
I'm going to grab a drink.
Hopefully we can chat more later.
Nice.
No problem, right?
That's easy.
This is a very easy pull yourself from a conversation.
And if you have a drink already, I'm going to grab some food.
I'm going to grab something to eat.
Easier.
Yeah.
Socially speaking.
I think that going up to like having that as an option, kind of a say you don't necessarily want to continue that conversation.
You've been polite.
Everything's fine, but maybe you're a little bit bored or it's a good option to be able to go and get some food, but actually go and get some food.
So they don't.
Yes.
And then I go and get some food.
Just get something.
I definitely prefer this though, too.
If someone says like, sorry, I saw someone I need to talk to.
So I'm going to go over there.
That still feels a little like that feels bad.
I agree.
It doesn't feel good.
Yes.
It's happened to me before.
It feels like you kind of feel like an outsider, like, ooh, this person knows all these people.
It's a weird feeling.
And it's just sending that message of I would rather speak to them than to you.
Even if they have a good reason, they have something they actually need to say to that person.
It still feels better for someone to say well, I'm going to grab a drink.
I'm going to grab something to eat.
And they're like, no problem.
I'll go talk to somebody else.
I don't mind at all.
Oh, totally.
Because...
The person you say that to might not know that you have something important to say.
They don't know, right?
They're just going to assume that they're boring you or something.
Right, exactly.
We have a role play here as well.
In this one, you and I have been chatting at a birthday party.
All right, here we go.
So we ended up staying a second night because there was so much still to see.
Oh, that sounds like such a fun trip.
I'll have to go sometime.
Oh, you really should.
We absolutely loved it.
Well, I'm going to grab a drink.
Hopefully we can chat more later.
That was so smooth.
It is smooth.
And I like that, adding that chunk of when you know you're not leaving, you know you'll still both be at the party.
I added this to both of these examples, right?
That hopefully we can chat more later or hopefully I'll see you a little bit later.
I like that too.
As long as you can sound genuine.
Like if you really do want to talk to them again later.
Totally.
I think a good baseline of today's episode is be honest.
But I agree with you.
That could be like our third tip kind of is add that at the end.
Hopefully we can chat more later.
Then you're not totally cutting it off.
Again, it's just smoother.
It's better.
Keeps the peace.
Yes.
I love that.
This really is a skill that's so important for connection to be able to wrap up a conversation.
You cannot count on the other person doing it for you.
That's, I think, something the mistake we make often when we're learning a second language is thinking okay, the other person's going to wrap up the conversation.
I won't have to worry about it.
Not necessarily.
Yeah.
You need to be ready to be the one to do it.
And I think that really, really is our takeaway there.
You know, be honest.
Don't make up stories that they can immediately find out you're lying.
Of course, be respectful and use these phrases today, guys.
But just take care of the person you're talking with, because you don't know what their day's been like.
Right.
You don't know what they're going to attribute the fact that you're moving out of the conversation to.
So I think that's really important, Aubrey.
Yeah, that really shows.
Just this question, just the fact that Paolo is thinking about that and sent this question, shows he wants to take care of the people he's talking, his friends, whoever he's in a conversation with.
He doesn't want to create that awkwardness or make them feel like he doesn't want to talk to them anymore.
So I love the thoughtfulness that went into this question.
And we all should be thinking that way, right?
To make sure we end conversations, making people feel good and leaving with a good impression.
Yeah.
Imagine how different the world would be if we all kind of led our lives in that way, right?
With just taking care of the person in front of us, always looking for connection, not perfection, right.
Because I think when we're too busy looking for perfection in ourselves, we don't have that open heartedness right.
To make that connection.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Good stuff, Aubrey.
Thanks for hanging out and chatting with me today.
You too.
I'll see you next time.
All right.
Take care.
Bye.
Bye.
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