This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2148 How to Mingle with an Expert at a Party in English
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You are at a party and you strike up a conversation with someone who is an expert in their industry.
Maybe you've been reading about their topic.
How do you ask a question in English while still respecting their expertise?
Find out today.
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Hey there, Michelle.
How you doing?
Hey, Lindsay.
I'm good.
How are you?
Am feeling solid today.
Solid, we are talking about parties today, michelle.
We're kind of in the party season, you know, cocktail parties and i don't know valentine's part, whatever.
Yeah today, i think, is valentine's day.
Oh, today's valentine's day, that's exciting.
So maybe there's a party going on somewhere uh, great.
So do you have a question for me, or do you want to ask me something and then i'll ask you the same thing?
Yeah, do you like mingling at parties or do you stick to your current friends?
Mostly, I actually like to meet new people.
I actually enjoy, especially if they're interesting people, I enjoy talking to new people.
So I'm not that person that will just like huddle fearfully in a group of friends.
I like to kind of mingle out and then it's nice to spend some time back with your group, but always going out.
So I try to do that as much as I can.
Um, what about you, michelle?
I mean, i think i love, i mean, i i love meeting new people.
So i think that i do enjoy that, but it also depends on the situation.
Maybe, if it's friends i haven't seen in a really long time, i'll be mostly with them, or there.
There are times when i can feel a little bit shy.
Um, so then i might also.
Yeah, but i like meeting new people, i like starting those new conversations.
So yeah um, that's what we're talking about today.
Yeah, I think it's good to have a little bit of both, because what happens is like, if you go to conferences and you're not there with your, a lot of people go to these conferences with their work crew right,
Like their department, their team.
But if you don't have a big company, a big team, you're on your own.
That's exhausting because you're always meeting new people the entire time.
You're always mingling.
That's tiring, I will say.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true.
It can get tired after a while.
So guys, we're going to get more into this.
If you haven't hit follow already.
Wherever you're listening to the All Ears English podcast, please do so right now.
And...
I'm also excited because we have a Spotify poll coming up today.
So listen till the end, guys.
We have been having so much fun with these Spotify questions that we are asking to interact with our listeners.
So yeah, go ahead and listen until the end and we'll give you the question.
Yeah.
Just listen till the end so you don't miss that question.
Let's get into it today, Michelle.
What are we talking about specifically?
Okay.
So today we're actually doing a follow-up on a business English episode.
So guys, if you haven't heard the business English podcast, go on over and listen to that.
Also hit follow there.
It's going to really help you get in the all ears English spirit, but with business topics.
I love it.
I love it.
And what was that?
What was that episode?
It was again.
Yes, it was episode 200.
So this was how to stay in your lane in business.
So go on over and listen to that one.
That's kind of a part one.
But it's on the business end.
So we wanted to kind of take it in another direction today on All Ears English.
So again, that's episode 200 of the Business English podcast.
Yeah.
So what we were talking about was being at a party and being around people interesting people, right?
That's what you hope for.
You hope that you end up at parties with interesting people, things to say.
The nerdier, the better.
Well, yeah.
And we were also talking more generally about the idea of knowing where your strengths are.
We were talking about the expression to stay in your lane.
Okay.
Love it.
But today, Lindsay, you came up with this great idea.
So we're going to talk about how to learn from an expert at a party.
So could be someone with a phd, a scientist, a doctor, whoever it is.
I mean lindsay, do you like asking experts about their fields?
Um, oh yeah, or do you sometimes want to stay away from it?
No, i love it, i love it, and i think too much so that some not everyone wants to talk about their work at a party, but i, i can go there sometimes and there have been times when i've just people have just kind of like changed the subject or kind of walked away.
I'm like, is it me?
I just want to know about your work.
I want to know about your profession because I'm passionate about what I do.
But I know not everyone wants to go into that in depth.
But often if people are super professional, like a PhD, they're working on their doctorate or they're a scientist, they generally, I think, want to talk about what they do.
Don't you think so, Michelle?
Yeah, question.
I think it depends I.
I also think that like um, it depends if it sounds like you're trying to ask them too much advice for yourself.
That's what I was just gonna say.
Yeah, if you're, if you're kind of being self-serving and it's like oh, I'm interested, I'm interested in it because I want to know for myself.
Yes, a hundred percent, it could get annoying.
Yeah, be aware of that.
This is not a chance for you to get free advice from like uh, the plastic surgeon.
Right, this is not.
Do you think i should get a nose job, like what kind of noses are you doing these days?
Right right right right, um.
And it can be hard though, because every once in a while, you're in one of those situations with an expert who you really do want to know something from, and you have to think of how to carefully do it without being annoying.
So it happens.
It happens.
It does.
But yeah, I love learning about other industries, hearing stories, especially like if it's about something that I'm interested in general.
So like if I've read a book on the topic recently and then I meet somebody in that field.
So for example, I recently read a book about like therapists.
And then I have a friend who's a social worker.
So I was interested in it for that reason, just because something that I had read.
So but I love it.
I mean, this is huge for connection.
So we're going to talk about, okay, how can you do this?
You're at the party?
What can you do?
We're talking about two different categories today.
Yeah.
Well, let's go into the first one.
The first one is starting that conversation.
How did that person get into this field, get interested in this topic, whatever it is?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And notice that, you know, I just want to reemphasize what we said before.
It's not about you.
So you're getting away from you your issues in that industry, whatever it is that you need from that industry.
It's not about you.
This is not one of the two categories.
It's about them.
So their origin story, right?
Origin story.
Origin story.
How did you get into that?
Right.
Because, I mean, there's a reason that someone chose to be, let's say, a dentist over a dermatologist or physician.
I don't know, an academic researcher on climate change versus working in the oil industry.
Like, why did tell us your origin story?
Yeah, right, right, right, right.
You could also say, what got you interested in?
So you could say...
What got you interested in biology and medicine and embroidery?
This is the second time I'm talking about embroidery on this show.
It's like you're going to be picking up a new hobby in 2024.
I'm going to see you with your little sweaters here.
Yes, I do remember we talked about that before.
Yes.
What's going on?
Yeah, I know.
I know.
So on the videos, if you guys aren't watching us on YouTube, you should be, right?
It's a great way to consume all our English.
Maybe, you know, by the middle of the year you'll be embroidering as we talk, as we chat on the show.
That would be quite a branding thing.
Yes, yes.
I'll be embroidering AEE sweaters.
That'd be cool.
So, all right.
And what's another thing you could say?
So you could say what made you want to become a doctor or learn how to play the harp or whatever it is you do.
What made you want to X?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So the key is to open up the topic in a way that respects their expertise, right?
Get their origin story.
I love that.
Yeah, exactly.
Okay, Michelle, let's dive right into category two.
What is it?
Category two is open content questions by asking about their expertise.
So this is getting a little bit more into it, a little bit more specific um, saying maybe that you know that they're the expert about something.
So we'll give an example.
Yeah, for example, i know you've been doing this for a long time, but now what are we going to say after the but michelle, what are we looking for here?
What you?
A question, a question, um?
So, for example, i know you've been doing this for a long time, but i've always wondered how people come up with logos.
Yes yes, and i also think you could probably get away with um, just just saying i've always wondered how people come up with logos, because it's not like insisting you have any real expertise.
I think you could get away with not even saying it's good to recognize their expertise.
I agree, i agree um, but i don't think it's always necessary.
It's just it's showing that you're curious, which is already a compliment to that person if they're really excited about their field.
And yeah, and I actually I'm going to revise this a little bit because I think it should be, I know you've been doing this for a long time and or.
Yeah, right.
I don't know if it's a right.
I don't know.
We're not contradicting.
We're not.
It sounds like we're having an argument.
It sounds like I'm going to challenge your expertise there if you say.
Right.
I know.
Right.
I know.
Yeah.
So but that's but that's another way you can always open it up.
You can just say I've always wondered how.
I love that.
I've always wondered how.
So we'll add that to our list here.
I've always wondered how people come up with logos.
I've always wondered how people research insects, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whatever it is.
What else, Michelle?
All right.
You could also say, I know very little about this topic.
So you could say, I know very little bit about this topic, so forgive me for asking.
Why do you think there's too much news out there?
So maybe it's a journalist or something like that.
Yeah.
So the vibe here that we're going for is self-deprecating, is kind of putting ourselves in our place in comparison to them, to give them the respect and the stage to feel like they're not going to be questioned, they're not going to be challenged.
Because I think we've said this on the show before there's nothing worse than someone who makes comments on your own industry.
If you're like an absolute expert and tries to pretend like they know more than you do for some ridiculous reason, right?
There's nothing more infuriating to an expert than that.
Yeah.
And it, and it doesn't even need to necessarily be your industry.
It can just be something in your life that, like you know a lot about that you've dealt with, you know.
You know, maybe someone has an illness, someone you know.
I don't know.
And so do you like tries to cure it holistically or something like that?
Sure sure, like that.
So um, it could be also something like that.
But another thing is i'm no expert on this so yeah so so, for example, i'm no expert on this, so i'm curious what you think.
You know that's a good question.
I heard and i read an article about xyz.
What are your thoughts?
And then we keep going from there.
Right yes, let's do one more.
Okay, I'd love to hear what you think about X.
And this is good, because this is kind of taking out the self-deprecating piece.
So this could almost be like a third category of just asking the question, which is fine too.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
And if they've already given their origin story, then, you know, you've set them up as the expert.
It's fine.
Right.
So I'd love to hear what you think about the current state of affairs of carpeting.
I don't know.
It could be anything.
Yeah yeah, what's new in the carpeting world?
I don't know.
Hopefully using less chemicals right yes yes, exactly.
I think the most important thing is to know that it's okay to be inquisitive, but you don't want to sound like you don't appreciate this person's experience.
So just genuinely ask them questions and also remember what we said it's not about you, it's about you know.
I mean listen, there is a time and a place for that.
If you become close friends with somebody um yeah, you can have those relationships.
If you have a friend who's a doctor, you can, you develop those relationships.
But it's not like you know.
Oh, you meet a dermatologist at the party and you're like oh, what's this on my face?
You know that's annoying Oh, yeah.
Don't be that person.
Don't be that person.
For sure.
For sure.
And we're going to roll out our poll now and we're going to pull back and think a little bit more about our personalities.
Right, Michelle?
So what is our poll question for our listeners today?
So this is going to be on Spotify.
So go ahead and interact with us.
Here we go.
The question is at a party, do you mingle with others or stick to people?
Stick to the people you know.
Yeah.
So be honest, guys.
No way is the right way, right?
Both are fine.
Just let us know.
What do you tend to do more often, right?
Maybe you do both, but what do you do 60% of the time and what do you do 40% of the time?
Okay, Michelle, let's do a quick role play now for our listeners.
All right.
We're not using everything, but we're just showing you one example of how this might work.
So here we go.
You work in marketing.
You actually have a PhD in marketing and I meet you at a party.
Interesting.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right, here we go.
Wow, a PhD in marketing.
That's impressive.
Oh, thank you.
So how did you get into marketing?
Well, my mother worked in a marketing agency.
So I grew up in that world.
I always wanted to work in this field.
So interesting.
I'd love to hear what you think about the future of marketing with AI.
Oh, I have lots of opinions on that.
That will be interesting to see what happens with AI and marketing, Michelle.
Yes.
So you opened it up with kind of an origin story question, right?
You said, how did you get into marketing?
So this could, you know, fill in the blank, any industry, any field, any focus could go here, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then I said, I'd love to hear what you think about the future of marketing with AI.
So I'm asking because you're an expert.
I want to hear your opinion because you probably think about this a lot.
You know about it.
I think this one is my very favorite, to be honest, because it's not.
It doesn't kind of.
Yeah, I like the idea of kind of acknowledging at the beginning of the question I'm not the expert, you know so much more, but it's not always required.
Sometimes it's inherent in our tone, like of respect.
And so just coming out with this question, I've been reading about this.
I'd love to hear what you think about this is fantastic.
Right?
Yeah, I think so, too.
I think you know you don't need to do the self-deprecating piece, but it can also be helpful if you maybe aren't.
Maybe you want to challenge a little bit.
Maybe you did read something, right?
Like, oh, I know I'm not the expert on this, but I saw something in the news and blah, blah, blah.
Right.
So it can be an important piece if you're if, if you are bringing something a little bit more controversial to the table.
Right.
Or the other reasons.
That's a good point, Michelle.
I like it.
And then the second reason why you might want to use those more self-deprecating openers would be if you know this person maybe has a bit of a personality thing around, maybe they have a strong ego.
They have a strong ego and they are the plastic surgeon, right?
And no one questions them.
Maybe you know about them.
You've heard of them.
And so then you would need to tread lightly or, and use those phrases more delicately.
Right.
Yeah.
That's a good point too.
Yeah.
You got to think about the person's ego.
You got to think about what you're introducing.
Um, you know, if you're introducing something that's a little bit more controversial, you might want to say, like you know I, you know.
Hey, I'm not the expert, but what is this?
Like, what do you think about this?
Cause you're the expert.
Right.
For example, you know, you mentioned earlier in the episode, natural medicine, right?
Yeah.
So that's controversial to some people, right?
Maybe someone's family member is going through chemotherapy and then you don't.
This person believes in natural medicine.
You don't wanna, you wanna respect them and open up the question.
This is truly a connection episode, Michelle.
Definitely, yeah.
I mean, this is a real skill.
A lot to think about here.
You know, what are you introducing?
What is this person's ego like?
Are you just genuinely asking a question because you're curious?
Um, but a really good way to connect with people, but a lot to think about along with this, oh my gosh.
There's a lot here.
We could go on, but we have to stop, guys.
If you love our style, we bring every episode back to connection, not perfection, because you want to come out of that conversation having a good feeling, hopefully learning something new, adding to your perspective on their field, and just feeling good in the world that you're respecting people and you're having that connection.
So hit follow if you love our style and we'll see you in the next episode, Michelle.
Talk soon.
Bye, bye guys.
All right, bye.
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