This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2125 how to share your faults in English for deeper connection.
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Are you a bit of a perfectionist?
To build true connection in English, you need to share your weaknesses.
Today, get three useful phrases to soften your statement when you share something negative about yourself.
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Lindsay, what's your favorite word in English?
Oh my gosh.
I think one of my favorite words is serendipitous as an adjective.
That's a good one.
And it just really rolls off the tongue, right?
Serendipitous.
Yeah.
It makes me think of that movie Serendipity, which was fun.
And it just means something that occurs or is discovered by chance.
But in a happy it's like a happy surprise.
Exactly.
Yes.
Right.
Have you ever been to Serendipity in New York City?
It's like a dessert place.
It's very touristy.
It is very touristy.
I probably never would have gone, but we had friends come into town and wanted to go and it was super fun.
Of course.
It's really cute.
It's really cute.
And fancy dishes.
It's just a fancy place.
I hope it's still around.
I haven't been back to New York Upper East Side in a while.
I bet it is.
It was always packed.
When we went, we had to wait in line forever.
And so I'd be shocked if it, especially where it's got all that tourist attract.
Yeah, maybe check it out when you go, but if you're wanting to do the touristy thing right yes guys, check it out.
It's a little ice cream shop on the Upper East Side of Manhattan and link to the movie serendipity right, which was a rom-com that came out in the in the aughts, I guess mm-hmm, exactly.
Well, my favorite word is one of my very favorite words is pizzazz.
I just love all the Z's.
Like a word with four Z's can't beat it kind of off the wall right, it's kind of wild Four Zs.
It's funny because it's like pizza.
It's spelled like pizza.
And then you add two more Zs.
I think it's the spelling of it that makes me, you know, it's so fun.
But also it's a fun word.
Like you feel like you have to do jazz hands.
Pizazz.
You can't just say that with your hands folded, right?
Exactly.
It's a combination of vitality and glamour.
It's like flair or interest.
You can add pizazz to anything, to the way you speak, to the way you dress, which is so fun.
Right.
Some people will add pizazz by adding jewelry or tattoos or just something, maybe a pair of shoes that really pops.
A lot of things people like to do to add flair and pizzazz.
I love that.
Exactly.
Right.
So I was thinking about this because today's episode we're talking about some vocabulary, some phrases that really do add a little pizzazz, add some interest to what you're saying.
And this came up in episode 2101.
We were talking about shopping around and we added a bit of to sort of soften something negative.
And it also gives kind of a little pizzazz to what you're saying.
If you say like, I'm a bit of an impulse shopper, it makes it a little more playful.
I mean, what it really does is it adds some pizzazz, but it also makes you sound less like a textbook, right?
Exactly.
Less robotic.
Because if we don't add these, we do sound robotic like a textbook.
Right.
Absolutely.
Robots do not have pizzazz.
They do not.
Anything you can do to get away.
Don't be a textbook.
Don't be a robot.
Right?
Exactly.
Right.
So guys, scroll up if you missed that one.
This is kind of a follow up to that, because we're going to share a few other ways that we do this, where we add something like a bit of pizzazz to soften something that might be a little negative or embarrassing.
And also, while you're scrolling up, if you're missing episodes, guys, don't miss 2099.
It was called How to Switch Topics Like a Pro for Better Connections.
That was a really good one.
I'm so excited about that episode.
I mean, that is one of the top skills that our listeners want to know about is switching topics right.
Moving between topics.
It happens constantly, especially depending on your personality.
There's people in my life that just switch topics so incredibly fast.
It's like one topic is hanging and the next one is starting.
Then we're coming back to that one.
I'm sure it's the same for you, Aubrey.
Absolutely.
Exactly.
And it's a real skill to be able to do that with no awkwardness, but also letting people all have a chance to speak.
So we talk about that in that episode, along with some great vocab.
Don't miss it.
Yeah.
It's kind of an art of conversation.
So go back to that episode, guys.
2099.
Is that what that was?
2099, Aubrey?
Yes.
Okay.
Good.
All right.
I'm excited for today.
Let's get into it.
Yes, awesome.
This is going to be great.
We use these phrases that we're teaching you today to minimize right when sharing something that could be negative.
But I wanted to kind of ask you about this first, Lindsay.
I think this is such a great connection skill.
Like, why is it good to share faults or weaknesses?
Or do you think we should keep them hidden?
I mean, you know, just go back to Brene Brown's research, right?
Vulnerability.
You know, we need to be vulnerable in measured amounts right, depending on who we're around, depending on how well we know the person.
But yeah, this is what endears us to other people.
This is how connection starts.
It's by sharing a little something that maybe presents some weakness or some vulnerability, because it shows that we're human.
Right.
Exactly.
Right.
If we're staying very surface level, it's all small talk.
Right.
If you're just asking what's going on, you're getting a little deeper.
If you're willing to be vulnerable, if you're talking a little bit, if you're admitting a fault or a weakness, it is endearing.
Right.
You do feel like someone who shares that with you thinks of you as a friend.
That connection gets a little stronger.
Oh, for sure, for sure.
So this is the strategic way to be able to do it.
So we know that, as a human connection skill, we do need to share vulnerable things at the right time with the right people.
But then how do we do it language wise in conversation, so it doesn't sound robotic and it doesn't sound, so that it actually sounds real?
Exactly.
Right.
And when it comes to sharing a fault or a weakness, it can feel a little too intimidating or a little too harsh.
It can create awkwardness.
But today's phrases really take that out of it.
Right.
It really, really minimizes it, softens it and makes it feel very natural, so that it's like now we're just deepening the connection.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah.
That's a good point.
So when we have these tools, like a bit of or sort of, We're able to feel a little more confident when we're going to go in for the big, for the share, the little share or the big share, whatever it is that we're revealing.
Yes, exactly.
So these are.
All of them are so great, but the prepositions on them, the use, is a little bit tricky.
So we're going to give some little quick grammar notes as well, so that you guys can confidently use these.
Let's dive right into the first one here, Lindsay.
Okay, here we go.
So a bit, the first one is I'm a bit of something.
Right.
A bit of, for example, I'm a bit of a grouch in the morning.
Yes.
And you can already see right away if you just say I'm a grouch in the morning.
Not only would maybe nobody be willing to say that about themselves, because you feel like you're being too negative, too critical.
They're just going to be kind of awkward.
People might feel like they have to say something.
No, you're not.
Yeah, you're right.
There is a drastic difference connection-wise, between saying I'm a bit of a grouch in the morning or I'm a grouch in the morning.
Exactly, right?
It softens it enough to where now it's just like funny, right?
I'm a bit of a grouch in the morning.
And the other person is more likely to be like, me too, right?
Especially if I stay up late instead of creating awkwardness.
Yeah, I could see this being perfect for the use.
Let's say you're on a bachelorette party and everyone wakes up the next morning and maybe you're getting coffee, but you're don't really want to have that much conversation when you're getting your coffee, whereas other people are kind of busy bodies in the morning and they want to talk and talk, and talk.
This would be an important thing, but if you come out and you say i'm a grouch in the morning, it's actually a turn off and people are gonna, oh be like okay, how long do i avoid her?
Until noon, or what exactly?
It's so interesting.
So yeah, this is a great one to use.
If ever you're going to share anything that's just a little bit negative, any kind of faults or character flaw, you have just throw a bit of before it and then now it's just fun conversation, i'm just sharing something about myself.
It's really it's serving a really important role.
I feel like this episode is going to be in our top 20 most important connection skills.
It's so crazy how the smaller words, like these phrases with smaller words, often do that right.
Just like little words, little phrases that pack such a punch.
That's interesting.
It's not the big fancy words that get us to connection.
It's the little things that we add between the ideas.
So what would be another example?
A bit of.
Yeah.
So I admit I'm a bit of a perfectionist.
And this, right, this, some people might consider that positive.
Some might not, but either way, to just say I'm a perfectionist or I admit I'm a perfectionist still feels quite blunt in your face.
Whereas just add that a bit of, and it softens it.
And you're also.
You're showing social awareness that being a perfectionist might.
If you come to a work meeting and you say I'm a perfectionist and let's say you're a manager, the people working for you or with you might be intimidated by you and feel that they have to be perfect immediately, right away, all the time.
This shows that Maybe it's not the best thing to be a perfectionist, and you know it, but you're still a perfectionist, right.
Good point, right?
Just adding that a bit of you're realizing this is maybe not ideal, but I recognize this about myself.
Yeah, good point.
Okay, I want to make a little grammar note here.
This is interesting.
When we say I'm a bit of like this, it's always modifying a noun.
So I'm a bit of a grouch.
I'm a bit of a perfectionist.
Okay.
So you see how we have this of here. to modify a noun or a noun phrase.
You can also use just a bit to mean a little or a little bit.
And the grammar is just a little bit different, right?
You could say I'm a little bit grouchy or I'm Perfectionist is tricky because that's just a noun.
But if you want to modify an adjective, you drop that of.
So it's the same as saying, I'm a little bit grouchy.
I'm a bit grouchy.
So pay attention to this.
If you're using this, use it as a chunk.
If you're calling yourself sort of a name, if you're calling yourself a grouch or a perfectionist, you need that of a bit of a grouch.
I love that.
Yeah.
So the grammar can trip us up just a little bit.
Don't be intimidated by the grammar.
This is not a reason not to use this, but just understand the different ways if we're using an adjective versus a noun or a noun phrase.
So good.
Exactly.
All right, let's go to the next one here, right?
So sort of, very similar.
You might say like, I'm sort of messy.
I just throw my clothes on a chair instead of putting them away.
And I don't think I would say about myself, I'm messy.
But I would say, I'm sort of messy, right?
Because I'm softening, I'm racking on like saying, it's not that big of a deal, just a little bit.
Yeah.
And I would for the next example, Aubrey.
I would never say I'm a monster today, but that is a huge statement.
But I might say I'm sort of a monster today.
I've been in a bad mood all day.
Absolutely.
Right.
Cause you're recognizing, okay, I'm in a bad mood.
I'm not going to actually call myself a monster, but I use this sort of a bit of to be like Oh, I'm sort of a monster today.
Sorry.
I'm grumpy.
Yeah.
So incredibly useful.
I love it.
Yeah.
Okay.
There is another one.
I like this one.
I use this a lot.
What is it, Aubrey?
Me too.
Kind of, right?
Similar to sort of, you might say, sorry, I know I'm kind of a close talker.
This came up recently in an episode about stuff from Seinfeld, right?
And I wouldn't say like, I'm a close talker, but I might say this, I'm kind of a close talker.
I'm sort of a close talker.
Because you're maybe, that's the other point.
Maybe you're not exactly a close talker, but you're closer than other people.
So you're not a close talker.
You're just of a close talker, exactly right.
We're adding this to like i'm not as much as you know, not that it's a problem, not that bad yeah, but just a little bit i love it.
And then let's see here's another example.
Can you leave your shoes at the door?
I'm kind of paranoid about germs.
Okay yes, this is a good one right, because i probably wouldn't outright say i'm paranoid.
I'm paranoid about germs.
It's very harsh, but i'm kind of paranoid about germs, aren't we all?
Yeah, for sure.
Oh my gosh.
Are you a shoes off household or a shoes on household?
We really try to be a shoes off household.
We have like a bin by the doors for shoes.
And when kids come in, we ask them to remove their shoes.
But it's a little trickier with adults.
I have a hard time asking.
I'm like hoping they'll remove their shoes, but I feel bad asking them to remove their shoes.
It's interesting.
Yeah, it's hard with parties too.
We're generally like a shoes on because people are coming and going to the back deck, the front deck, that kind of thing.
And also sometimes at parties, people wear shoes that go with their outfit.
And it's sort of weird to ask people to take their shoes off and then they're in socks.
Maybe their socks don't match.
I know this is very cultural because I've spoken to.
When we were doing Clubhouse, this came up and there were quite a few people that were like horrified at the thought that anyone would wear shoes in a house.
I get it.
Yes.
Oh my gosh.
In Japan.
When I lived in Japan, it was 100 shoes off and there were special slippers that you would slip on as soon as you come into the home.
I love that.
Oh, it's so much cleaner.
I would really prefer that.
Oh, I think about like, all of the pets outside and everything that's happening, and then shoes just come right in the house.
I would prefer to be a shoes off household.
100%.
Okay.
So I have a grammar note for both of these, for both sort of and kind of.
They can both modify adjectives or nouns.
So this might seem a little confusing because they all have that preposition of.
But you can say I'm sort of messy.
I'm sort of a grouch.
Just like you can say, I'm sort of a close talker.
And so these are more flexible than a bit of.
That one is a little tricky.
You use the of only when modifying a noun.
So, sort of and kind of have easier grammar.
So it seems like they might be a good gateway to get started with this way of modifying your speech.
Right?
For sure, if you're at all worried about it.
But another thing to keep in mind this happens a lot that you can't separate the noun from its article.
You couldn't say like, I'm a sort of grouch.
You have to keep a grouch next to each other, right?
I'm sort of a grouch.
Right.
I'm... right?
So when you have that article, you can't divide the article for the noun with these phrases.
I love that idea.
Oh, I like our bonus.
I don't think we have time for that one today, Aubrey.
This bonus idea here.
Why don't we do that in another episode that would be related to this?
I know that's a little hint for a future episode.
We kind of had a related bonus, but we're going to save it for a future episode.
So make sure to follow.
You guys hit follow.
What else, Aubrey?
Where do we want to go from here?
Do we have something to say?
Really quickly.
When I was planning this episode, I was going to share these three as sort of informal ways to do this.
And then I was going to share three more formal ways to do this.
But as I came up with example sentences, I realized these really are too formal for casual conversation.
We mostly use them in business English.
So we're going to do sort of the part two, the more formal phrases that are very similar to these over on the business English podcast.
So be sure to follow that podcast so you don't miss that episode.
It's going to be a good one.
Yeah guys, this year, in 2024, we're going to do a lot of series, but One episode may be on All Ears English, the other one over on business, because it's more applicable to business, right?
So you do want to make sure you're following both shows.
All right, Aubrey, let's finish up with a role play today.
Awesome.
Okay.
You are giving me a tour of your new house in this role play.
I'll start us off.
Okay.
Oh, wow.
It's so organized.
Yeah.
I'm kind of a neat freak.
I'm impressed.
I'm a bit of a disaster at keeping my house picked up.
And look at all your plants.
They're thriving.
Thank you.
I've become sort of a plant mom.
Oh, this is the opposite of the truth.
I was killing my plants.
I was overwatering one and not watering the other.
And then we gave our plants to our friend when we were in Massachusetts and she revived them.
Now they're better.
Nice.
Did she tell you about bottom watering?
No, I don't know anything about that.
She has thousands of plants in her house and they're all thriving.
So she taught me, if you have a plant that's planted in one of those plastic pots and so you can take it out of the ceramic pot,
And what you do is set it in water so that it soaks up from the bottom all the water it needs, instead of dumping it from the top.
And that's really working here, at least.
You just stick it in water and it should be like filtered water.
The water straight from our tap has so much like chlorine and fluoride.
So the water from the fridge works and you let them pull up the water from the bottom into the roots.
And now all of my plants are beautiful.
I'm looking at some in my bathroom.
Oh my gosh.
Look at that.
Look at the gardening advice we get on All Ears English.
We love it.
I'll have to post a picture on social media, guys, of all my thriving plants.
I'm proud of them.
I love it.
All right, let's quickly go through the usages here and then we'll get off the microphone.
So I said, yeah, I'm kind of a neat freak.
And we didn't talk too much about intonation.
But you do want to work with the intonation there too, guys.
I'm kind of a neat freak.
Yeah, we kind of draw out kind of and sort of, right?
Yes.
And that's also what's softening is the intonation.
That's a good point.
You wouldn't say, I'm a neat freak, but you also wouldn't be like, I'm kind of a neat freak.
Yeah.
I mean, you can, but it's good to play around a little bit.
Yeah, play around with that a little bit.
The intonation is really what's helping to soften it.
Yes.
And then what did you say, Aubrey?
And I said, I'm a bit of a disaster at keeping my house picked up.
So again, right.
A bit of because modifying that noun, a disaster.
I guess I could say I'm a bit disastrous.
I guess you could.
I'm a bit of a mess.
I'm a bit of a disaster.
But I kind of like it both sound kind of high level.
I'm a bit of a disaster at doing something you could fill in the blank there.
Right.
Finishing my homework, anything you want.
I love that or disastrous, but we'll talk about that one another day.
Yes.
I kind of love this.
I'm a bit of a disaster.
Yeah.
So good.
And then I said, thank you.
I've become sort of a plant mom.
Okay.
Nice.
And this is interesting because you would almost be like bragging, to be like I've become a plant mom.
You're like, yep, I'm the best at gardening.
And this sort of softens the bragging too, right?
Yeah.
I've become sort of a plant mom.
Like I'm here.
I'm, you know, it's like a humble brag.
Oh, my gosh.
The humble brag.
So good.
I love this episode because there's so much we can do.
I mean, today we focused on kind of self-disclosure in that way about negative things.
But you're right.
This could be repurposed into another episode another day about the humble brag.
Totally.
Exactly.
So interesting.
Guys, this was a great episode.
Keep in mind.
Really, the takeaway here is that admitting faults and weaknesses really creates this solidarity.
It builds connection because we all want to know we're not the only one with faults, right?
Yeah.
Build connection, reveal a little something again at the right time with the right person, and you'll get that connection back right.
That otherwise we're kind of just interfacing with the world as a blank piece of paper.
There's nothing there.
Right.
Yes, exactly right.
Use today's phrases, build these connections and admit a little something about yourself, even if it's not all positive.
I love it.
So good.
Good stuff.
Aubrey, thanks for being on the mic with me today.
I'll talk to you soon.
Awesome.
See you next time.
Bye.
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