This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 1697.
Don't trap the energy in the English conversation.
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Hey, Michelle, how's everything going today?
Good, Lindsay, good.
How are you?
Oh, I'm feeling great.
Everything is good.
So excited for the upcoming holiday season and all that good stuff.
Yeah.
Hey, Lindsay, are you familiar with the show Ted Lasso?
Oh, Ted Lasso.
No, I'm not.
Oh, okay.
Okay okay, awkward pause and then the conversation ends and we go our own separate ways.
Goodbye, lost connection.
Right, michelle lost?
Yeah, but are you?
Are you actually?
Are you familiar with it?
I am not.
I i know.
I think you, i've heard you mention it, i've heard it, but i i'm so you know how i am with pop.
I know, i know i still have to ask you anyway, to be nice, I live in my own world somehow over here.
I don't know.
I miss all these things.
Well, it's a very cute show and I highly recommend it.
Oh, okay.
I'll check it out.
Is that on Netflix or where is that?
It's on Apple TV and I... Yeah, so...
Good to know.
Yes.
It's very cute.
It was Jason Sudeikis.
Guys, that's a good one.
So, yeah, that was what happened, Lindsay.
Okay.
So in that case, so you started off the conversation in a good way, right?
You asked me, you know, are you familiar with this TV show?
Yeah.
And then I just said, no, I'm not.
And then it just, you know, does this happen to you sometimes, Michelle?
You think you're set up for a really nice conversation, right?
You're like, ah, I know this person because they're a mutual friend.
We're going to have a great conversation, a great connection.
And then somehow it just peters out kind of, you know, just kind of like a balloon losing its air.
Yeah.
Right, right, right.
Exactly.
Oh, my gosh.
So guys, on episode 1688 not too long ago, we did how to find common ground and connection in English.
And we were talking about asking somebody if they know something, right?
Like, are you familiar with?
No, I'm not familiar with.
And we were talking about this.
You know idea of.
If you're not familiar with, if you don't know what somebody is talking about, don't just say like oh no, and then just leave that person just hanging awkwardly.
Like yeah, because that's going to just immediately, like Lindsay said, it's just going to immediately stop everything, like everything the air comes out of the balloon and everything.
It's just over.
Like the connection part is over.
I mean yes, the person who asked could still pick it up.
But maybe they just feel like okay, you're not interested.
Yeah, but conversation is like a game of ping pong.
And if the momentum swings your way, it's your responsibility to push it back to the other person.
So yeah, you could have said, I said, no, I'm not.
And then you could have said, oh, well, let me tell you about it.
But really, it's more my responsibility.
When you think about the energy of the conversation, it's my responsibility to come back and kind of ask a question.
Right, right, right, right, right.
Exactly.
So this is what this is all about here is don't stop that conversation.
If you're not familiar, what can you do to keep that momentum going?
Okay.
I love it.
Yeah.
This is such a good high level skill, a connection skill for our listeners.
Guys, you know, if you're at this intermediate to advanced level, this is perfect for you to keep that connection.
So let's get into it, Michelle.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Because the person who is asking you, they're usually asking you because they want to talk about it.
They want to share.
They want to connect.
Right.
Like, so I'm watching this show right now.
And like if you had said yes like, and we would have been like, oh yeah, isn't it fun blah blah, blah.
So like I'm looking for that and if I don't get it that's fine, but if I just, if I feel almost just like okay, like whatever, like that's not gonna be good.
So you're missing a huge opportunity if you don't continue the conversation.
So how can you do that?
Let's talk about it.
Lindsay, what's something you can say?
All right,
So the first thing you can say, guys, and you're going to want to write this down.
So the first thing you can say is tell me about it.
Tell me about it.
No, I don't.
I'm not familiar with it.
Tell me about it.
All right.
So let's try that out.
All right.
So have you heard of the show Ted Lasso?
No, I haven't.
Tell me about it.
All right.
So that changes everything now.
Because again, like you said Michelle, you know that that person actually wants to talk about this show.
So that's like you're going with the energy of the conversation.
Your other option is to change direction completely and talk about something else totally.
You could do that and go away from this topic.
But I think the best thing is to go with the energy, go with what that other person is interested in and come back with that.
Tell me about it.
Right, right, right.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So what's another thing you could say?
What's it about?
What's it about?
Yeah lindsey, are you familiar with the book the paris wife?
No, i'm not.
What's it about?
Okay, so i'm not familiar with either.
So no, that's okay.
That's a book i read, like you know, probably like eight years ago, that i was like obsessed with and i cried at the end and it's still like i just love that book Oh, okay.
Yeah.
So what's it about?
I mean, guys, these are simple things, but they do so much.
They do.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Okay.
So so far, tell me about it.
And what's it about?
Is there a third thing we could say?
There is.
There's tell me more.
I know we have similar taste in.
So you can add that on if you want.
You can just say tell me more.
But another thing you can tag on is like I know we have similar taste in something.
To kind of bring that connection about.
Yeah.
And this is like extra credit connection, right?
Because and I think we've been meaning to do an episode or we will at some point on little things that you could say in your responses that indicate that you know the person well and that you've been paying attention to them.
It's like an art.
Yeah.
Right, right, right.
Exactly.
So this is one of those ways.
So let's give it a shot.
Okay, have you heard of the band Stovetop?
No, tell me more.
I know we have similar taste in music.
Oh my gosh, and I also still have not heard of that one either.
I'm striking out on all these things.
Wait, no, you seriously don't know them?
Nope.
I'm just joking.
I made that one up.
I made that one up.
I bet you there is a band.
There's a.
You know, I'm sure if you Googled band stove top there is one.
But that, that one I made up though.
Okay, good, good.
Cause I'm feeling very irrelevant in terms of pop culture now.
Oh, no, don't worry.
Stove top.
But you know what's funny?
Like have you ever like then felt awkward about knowing something that you're like?
Oh yeah maybe, like you know even.
Well, I have I have to admit that sometimes when someone asks me, do you know this?
I'll be like, yeah, I know that.
But I actually don't really know it.
Oh, my gosh.
That makes me think of conversations I have with my mom.
It's like this big joke between us.
Like, I'll say to her like, Oh, yeah, no, like, remember that time that we did this?
Or like, I'll refer to some TV show we watched or whatever.
And I'll say it and she and she'll give me and she's like, Oh, yeah, yeah.
And I couldn't I know my mom.
So I'll say you don't do you?
And she's like No, that's so funny.
I know you can't get very far with that, because they may ask you oh, what's your favorite scene, right?
Yeah yeah, you gotta get.
It is dangerous, it's so funny, um.
But so yeah, there are other things you know you can ask, you know you can guess yeah, right.
So like you could say like, is it blank, right?
Is it a comedy?
Is it good, right?
Yeah yeah, this is also good.
Simple, right?
Is it comedy?
Is it good?
Is it on Netflix?
I that's, that's the most natural thing that would come out of my mouth.
Is it on Netflix?
Is it on Apple TV?
Right?
Is it on?
What's the other one?
Hulu, right?
Yes, yes.
So ask those kinds of you know, and then also you know who is like.
If I'm like talking about a person oh, who is he or who is she?
Or you know a lot of like WH or the H question.
You know, like how you know as well, like you know a follow up questions.
How do you know her?
Why do you bring it up?
These things like are very useful.
Oh, yeah.
This is fantastic.
I mean, it comes down to this missed opportunity.
We want to make sure that you guys don't miss a chance to make a friend, to make a connection, to have an energetic conversation right.
Right, right, right.
Exactly.
You don't want to lose that opportunity.
So should we do a role play?
Yeah, let's do it, Michelle.
Here we go.
All right.
So, Lindsay, does the name Lacey Smith ring a bell?
No, should it?
I thought she was your friend from high school.
I don't think I know her.
How do you know her?
Oh, well, we work together.
Well, have you heard of the show Best Birds?
No, I haven't.
Is it good?
So funny.
Tell me more.
I know we have similar tastes in humor.
Well, first of all, Lacey's brother wrote the show and it's about da-da-da-da-da.
Oh, yeah.
This is a good example of how it's especially important for you guys to be able to do this, because you came to me and you were really excited to tell me that your friend Lacey, her brother, wrote this famous show.
And that's like if our listeners were to just veer the conversation or end the conversation like that balloon that loses energy, or just veer into a totally another topic like the weather you're going to lose that.
You're going to like trap that energy.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
Right, exactly.
And like, yeah, like, because sometimes when people ask you, have you heard of this?
Have you heard of that?
It's because it's for a reason.
So like, that's kind of like, sometimes the introduction question.
Oh, that's a good point.
Yeah.
But it's leading.
It's really because like okay, maybe I wanted to know if you've heard of, if you know of, Ted Lasso, because if you watched it I would be like oh, remember that episode.
Blah blah, blah.
Oh, this reminds me of that.
You know, like-
Yes.
It's leading to so many other things.
So, right, you cut that off.
I mean, it's like you're suffocating it.
You're just like... Yeah, completely.
And that's connection because you're excited about that.
I mean, this makes me think that this kind of thing would happen a lot when you're having like, a celebrity sighting or there's a connection to something famous, someone famous.
Like, for example...
If you had said to me, hey, do you know Conan O'Brien?
And I'd said no.
But you wanted to tell me that you didn't you say once, didn't you share with us that you saw him on the street in New York, right?
Yeah.
Well, I met him.
You met him.
Even better.
So that's exciting.
Like you want to share that.
You want to get that out and connect over that.
But if I had just ended it, that's such a bummer.
Yeah, right, right, right.
Exactly.
It's true.
So let's just let's just go through this.
So like, first of all, I said, does the name Lacey Smith ring a bell?
So guys listen to that other episode.
I think it was 1688.
You know, to get some of this vocabulary.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then I said, no, should it?
Right.
So that's a kind of a fun also thing you can add.
You know, like you can say like oh, should it ring a bell.
Like, you know, or if somebody says like, have you heard of this show?
You could say, no, should I?
Like, or do you watch this show?
No, should I?
That's kind of another fun way.
Yeah.
And that's fun too, because this is a good.
So for me I feel awkward when people ask me these questions because I know I'm not super aware of every pop culture thing, every singer, every show.
And so I always feel like they're going to be like, I can't believe you haven't heard of that.
So it gives me a little bit of a defense to say, should I?
Right.
Because I'm already criticizing myself in a way that I'm not aware of.
Right, poor Lindsay.
Yeah, it's her rough life yeah, it's okay so, yeah.
Then I said I thought she was your friend from high school.
You said you didn't know her.
But then you asked me a question how do you know her?
Right yeah, Yeah.
How do you know her?
And the intonation is important there.
We work together.
Have you heard?
And then you're going out to the other piece of the equation.
Have you heard of the show Best Birds?
And you said, no, I haven't.
But then you said, is it good?
Right.
So just asking your question.
Is it funny?
Is it good?
You know, like something.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Something.
Anything.
Just ask anything.
Right.
It's so true, though.
Like, it's just ask anything.
Yeah.
And then I said, so funny.
And you said, tell me more.
Right.
I know we have.
And this is the key, a high, high level skill.
I know we have similar taste in humor.
So that's really good for people to hear that you've been listening, paying attention and you can acknowledge something we have in common.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So then I said, Lacey's brother wrote the show.
It's about.
So, you know, here is an opportunity where, if I had just said, you know, does the name Lacey Smith ring a bell?
And you said
No, I mean, I would have been like, oh, OK.
And then I'm left with the harder job.
Exactly.
Because I'm like do I continue with this story if you don't even know who that is is?
Or should I just say oh well, she's this girl and there's this show and blah blah blah, like.
Then it just kind of like puts it all on me and then that doesn't really make me feel very good about the connection.
You know, This is huge.
This episode is huge for momentum.
And guys, at your level, it's not so much about grammar mistakes or vocabulary.
It's about momentum and connection in the conversation.
So this is really a conversation strategy that you guys should try to put this into action.
Right, right, right.
Exactly.
Oh my gosh, this is fun.
I mean, we can even do more follow ups on this.
There's a lot to do with this.
But I like just this imagery of like you know you're cutting something off if you're not going to ask anything and somebody is excited because again think why are they asking me about it?
Sometimes it's just like, oh, do you like that show?
I'm, you know, just making conversation.
But sometimes it's.
I need to know if you like that show, because I want to tell you this, because then I can tell you this and then I can tell you this and we can connect right.
Yeah, exactly.
You have an agenda, right?
So don't trap the energy in the conversation.
Don't keep it trapped.
Let it flow.
Let it flow.
Yes.
Okay, Lindsay.
Oh my gosh.
This was fun, guys.
Try this out and let us know how it goes.
So good.
Good episode today, Michelle.
I'll see you in the next one.
Have a good day.
See you later.
Bye.
Bye.
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