This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 1678, Damage Control, how to apologize after the fact.
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If you offend or hurt someone unintentionally, how can you open up a conversation and apologize in English to make sure there's no resentment?
Today, learn this crucial skill with native English phrases.
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Hey there, Michelle.
How's everything today?
Are you excited to be on the mic?
I'm excited to be here.
And not only are we in the mic, Lindsay, but we're also on the screen.
Oh my gosh, I know.
It is so fun when we publish these on YouTube as well.
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It's an awesome place to be.
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All right, so let's get into it today.
Today we're talking about that awkward situation when you've done something wrong to someone and you need to apologize for it, but kind of the moment has passed and now you're seeing them and
What do you do?
Right?
Yeah, it's real.
And this is especially awkward.
Well, it's when do you think it's more awkward in your social life or more awkward in your professional life?
Michelle, what would you say?
I don't know if there's a time when it's not awkward.
I don't know if you can.
I think it depends on what it is.
What do you think?
Yeah.
And the key here is that in my mind, I'm not sure if this is how we prepare this episode Michelle, or it's most awkward when you're not sure if you offended them or not, kind of like that, right.
Sort of that kind of idea.
Oh, okay.
So either way, it's awkward.
Yeah.
Either way, it's awkward.
Well, so Lindsay, actually, the one that you bring up, I believe would be perhaps good for 1560.
We did how to ask someone if they are mad at you in English.
So that might be a little bit different than you're talking about, but there might be some similarities as well.
Okay, guys, check out our archive of episodes.
We have so many great episodes for you.
They're just ready for you to check them out.
Michelle, before we get into this, I do want to announce some of our reviewers that reviewed our podcast.
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Right, Michelle?
Definitely.
Thank you so much.
We really, really appreciate the feedback.
Yeah, we love it.
So nice to hear from you.
Yeah.
You can also ask your question right inside your review, right?
I mean, a lot of times we see these questions and then we put it down on our list and then Michelle creates an awesome episode for us.
I try.
All right, Michelle.
So let's get into it.
Okay, let's get into it.
So let's talk about some examples of circumstances in which this might happen.
So one could be you embarrassed someone or you did something in public, but you didn't want to make a big deal of it in front of others.
To make it worse,
So I'm imagining...
Like you know, you're in a circle of people or you're at dinner, and then you mentioned something embarrassing about the person, but it's almost worse to draw more attention to it in the moment.
Yes.
I can think of, oh, I don't know.
What would be an example of how this could happen?
Maybe.
Yeah.
What do you think?
Do you have any, any thoughts?
Like if I made a joke, like if you came and we were having dinner with a group and you came and you had like tried out some new crazy hairstyle and I kind of teased you about it and you looked very offended and I was like I'm sorry.
And then...
It's in front of everybody.
So I'm just left feeling terrible that I said it.
But it's worse if I'm like, Lindsay, I'm really sorry.
It's like just trying to make it worse.
Exactly.
It could be that or it could be just another example.
Let's say you're hosting a summer barbecue.
And you are telling a joke about people that bring rosé to a barbecue, right?
Rosé wine instead of red or white.
And then all of a sudden you look over and your friend just brought a bottle of rosé.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a perfect example.
That's a perfect example.
Yeah, that's a good example.
Lindsay, has that happened to you?
No, thank God.
I don't bring rosé to barbecues.
No, no, it's never happened to me.
But I could imagine it happening to me, because we don't, you know, when we're having a good time with our friends, we're just joking around.
We don't scan the room to make sure no one is doing the thing that we're about to laugh about, right?
Because that would be unnatural.
But this is an unfortunate result of that, of just kind of listening up.
It does happen.
It's about what you do next, guys, right?
That really matters.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, what's another example of a circumstance?
OK well, let's say you didn't see the person yet, but you did something wrong, maybe online or something, but you want to bring it up to the person.
What would be something online that you would do wrong?
Michelle, what do you think?
Let's say you sent to them an email they weren't supposed to get or a text message they weren't supposed to get.
Oh, dangerous.
That is dangerous.
Oh, man, that's happened to me before.
Oh, so funny.
Something I did something so silly.
Um, there was a Oh yeah, I was in a group of people that I met, a text stream of people that I met at the podcasting conference.
Yeah.
And then I was texting with a friend at the same time, parallel texting streams.
And I said in the group conference text, oh, I'll cook you some chicken or something.
And I was texting that with a friend and then it came and they're like, thank you.
How's your chicken?
How's your chicken cooking skills or something?
It was so random.
That's funny.
Well, at least it wasn't something offensive.
Yeah, that's not offensive.
But this kind of thing it can happen if you have another text open and then all of a sudden you go back to your text messages, right?
So be careful.
Or if you like, like somebody has like the first few letters.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
So yeah, this could be harmful.
What else could happen here?
I like that we're setting the scene, Michelle.
Yeah.
We're setting the scene.
Yeah.
Another one is just some time has passed, right?
Like maybe like something happened.
Maybe it was in person or wasn't in person, but like some time has passed and you never really properly apologize and you feel like
I never said anything and I feel weird not saying it.
Ooh, and that's the hardest one, but that's the one where it's the most important to say something, right?
Ooh, okay.
All right.
Let's give our listeners the tools they need.
All right.
So here's one.
Lindsay, you want to give the first one?
Okay, so we can say, hey, can we talk?
I wanted to apologize for X. And then you can go on if you want.
I know it was wrong of me and I wanted to check in with you to make sure you're okay.
It sounds long.
Okay, so that's very long.
But, but I think, just like let's, that's a good.
You know, we kind of have the beginning and then the elaboration.
But hey, can we talk?
I wanted to apologize for.
Yeah, exactly.
And I think what this is all about today is just bringing up the topic.
You know, you've already won.
Yeah, you've already won the game.
If you're just bringing this up because most people might just let it go,
Yeah.
But if you're willing to get uncomfortable, then you are more likely to save that friendship.
Now, something like the rosé example, probably not going to be this serious, right?
Right, right.
This is for something.
Yeah.
A little bit more offensive, not just like a silly joke.
Like, okay, let's do a role play with it.
So like, let's say I didn't go to your party last minute, right?
And you already, you were kind of, you kind of had it catered and you bought me a meal.
Yeah.
Or like a wedding, for example, if you didn't show up to a wedding that you had RSVP'd for.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's more serious, but I hadn't seen you in person yet, so now I'm seeing you so alright, so I might say hey Lindsay, can we talk?
I wanted to apologize for flaking out on you.
I know what was wrong with me and I just I wanted to check in with you to make sure you're okay.
Hey yeah, it's okay.
It was just a little embarrassing that you didn't show up, but I do appreciate the apology.
We're good.
So this is fantastic.
Actually, I think this is like a key to life, right?
This episode today is one of those top 20 most useful skills in English, because you're not only apologizing, you're giving them the chance to be heard.
Right, right, right.
Yes, I wanted to make sure you're okay.
So I'm like saying like, lay it on me.
Like, if you're mad at me, be mad.
Tell me like, and I was mad.
I was a little upset.
And I did say, you know, it's okay.
It was just a little embarrassing.
And this is how I felt.
People need to be heard, guys.
Right?
Give them the space to be heard.
Yeah, and I think you know you want to think about that in general guys, if somebody's apologizing to you, like if
You know, don't necessarily just say, oh, it's okay for everything.
You know, like it's not always okay.
Like here you're saying it's okay, but you're acknowledging.
You're acknowledging.
Acknowledging.
Good one, Michelle.
Maybe that will have to be the title of the episode.
Acknowledging.
Yeah.
Maybe you're acknowledging.
You know, like, you know, that you that that wasn't great what that person did.
But it's okay.
But, you know, I'm not happy about it.
I didn't love it.
Yeah, it's almost like you're giving a space to go deeper.
And what this is going to do is it's going to clear out any resentment, because resentment is like poison for relationships, right?
And you don't want to live with resentment towards someone, but it could fester over the long term.
So this gives you a chance to get through it and to error everything out.
Right right right right, exactly so.
And you know, just in that situation you would assume that you would have apologized multiple times already over text, or maybe even called before you see them in person.
Right like, you don't like.
If you did this, you wouldn't just like not say anything until you told them you would have to Yeah.
So, but sometimes in person, you still in person is just different.
And then it feels more official, I think.
Okay.
So you're saying probably you had already said.
You know, when you wrote to say you couldn't make it to the party, you said I'm so sorry.
Right.
Okay.
But now you need a real apology in person and you bring it up, you create the space for it.
Okay.
Right.
Good.
What's next, Michelle?
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Okay, this is a fun one.
This is, I don't want to brush this under the rug.
Okay.
And then you could say, I'm really sorry for blank.
Are we okay?
Yeah.
What does that mean to brush something under the rug?
And is this something you say?
Yeah.
I've said this before.
It's when you just ignore things, you just move on.
You just pretend it didn't happen, right?
That's kind of what it is.
Pretend it didn't happen.
Common expression, common idiom.
Um, and I like the new episode idea.
Oh, good.
You know, we have tons of ideas here.
I like that you're asking, are we okay?
That sounds casual, but also sounds kind of intimate at the same time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.
So I mean, what's an example, Lindsay?
Okay, so you could say, so here was my example, Michelle, where am I?
I made a comment to you in front of a group of friends that made you feel embarrassed, right?
Something more like stronger than the rosé thing.
But I meant it as a joke, but you were offended.
So what could we say?
Here we go.
Ready?
Hey, Michelle, I don't want to brush this under the rug.
I'm really sorry for what I said the other day at lunch with our friends.
I meant it as a joke, but it wasn't sensitive and it wasn't funny.
Are we okay?
Oh, thanks, Lindsay.
I appreciate it.
Yeah, yeah, we're okay.
Okay.
So that you know with that yeah, I guess you know, at least you there, you could say you know.
You could say yeah, I just felt this way.
I felt XYZ.
Or sometimes someone will just say, yeah, we're okay and move on.
Yeah.
And sometimes, like it was in my I was trying to put it in my tone of voice, like expressing like yeah, we're okay.
But I'm not like, yes, everything's wonderful.
Like it was nothing, you know?
So sometimes you can do it with your tone of voice.
However, that could lead to some confusion on Lindsay's part.
Like, are we OK?
You know?
Yeah, that could be bad because then you may be hiding something still.
And that's really on you.
Right.
If you don't fully voice it at that point.
I mean, it's so hard.
Words are so damaging, right?
Words are just damaging.
So we're trying to show you guys how to do damage control.
This is what this is today is damage control.
That's true.
That's true.
I like that.
Maybe that could be good for that.
That could be a good episode title.
Okay.
What's the next one, Michelle?
Okay, the last one we're going to do is I've been thinking about blank.
I'm so sorry.
This is just very honest and straightforward.
Yeah, I like that.
I've been thinking now these are all very just genuine.
They're just genuine, right?
Especially this one.
I've been thinking about X, So an example here is Michelle, you didn't do a favor that I had asked you to do, right.
But it has been a couple weeks.
And so you're you're coming to apologize for it.
Right?
Right, right, right.
Exactly.
Okay, Lindsay, I've been thinking about how I never ordered that sweater you asked for.
I'm so sorry.
Can I still do it?
Oh, that's okay, Michelle.
Yeah, thanks.
That would be great.
Okay, so this is kind of not the worst thing in the world, but you're acknowledging it.
And then you're asking, is it still okay?
Great.
So that's a really good habit, I think.
Right, right, right.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So guys, these are all ways that you can really check in, apologize really sincerely and bring it up after the fact.
So very powerful connection skill.
Yeah, this is so good.
This is so good, guys.
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Okay okay cool, exactly okay.
I love it guys.
Thank you so much for listening, and thank you, lindsey.
Thanks michelle, i'll see you next time.
Have a good one, all right bye, bye.
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