This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 1302.
How admitting confusion in English can bring connection.
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With your American host, Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl, coming to you from Los Angeles and New York City, USA.
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Do you ever feel like you just don't understand something?
Today, get phrases to admit this and use this as a moment of connection and to build trust in English.
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Hey, Lindsay, how's it going?
Very good, Michelle.
I am so pumped up for 2020.
I can't even tell you.
I'm so excited.
It's going to be such a good year.
Yeah, I am too.
Oh my gosh.
But I have a question for you, Lindsay.
Okay, go for it.
Have you been confused by anything recently?
I get confused all the time, Michelle.
I'm constantly confused.
Like right now, I'm researching health insurance options in Colorado.
That's confusing because I don't know which to choose.
I don't know.
I don't have a really good understanding of premiums versus deductibles versus coinsurance. versus co-paid insurance is the most confusing thing oh my gosh it really gets me very anxious when I have to like talk to like a doctor's office or something about the insurance and like how much something's gonna cost it like really gives me anxiety Oh, yeah.
We could do another episode on, you know, well, on the huge topic of health.
I mean, maybe when we get closer to the election coming up.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Yeah, because we know that's a major issue right now.
Among the primary debates is health insurance and health costs.
And some of the candidates want to go for Medicare for all and some don't.
And so we'll get into it later, guys.
Don't worry, but that's something that definitely confuses me.
How about you, michelle?
Oh my gosh.
Yeah well, that really confuses me.
And also, um guys yeah, recently i actually took a course on how to do cpr.
Um Yeah, because as a parent, that's important to know these things and how to know how to like, what to do if someone's choking.
So we practiced on, you know, like little dummies, like babies and also adults.
And so yeah, but there were a lot of things that were confusing.
And, and it's a lot about muscle memory.
It's like oh, you understand the concept, but actually doing it, and then you know you're it's only with a dummy so yeah, I don't know, it's tough, it's confusing.
Yeah, so you, you joined a class, you said yeah, so that that's interesting.
So are you?
So you got a certification right at the class and then is there going to be opportunities to like, go back and practice to maintain the certification or how does it work?
Well, they were very I don't know about maintaining the certification.
I don't know how like when it expires or whatever, but they were very nice.
They said, if you ever want to come by, like, you know, always like contact us.
We're happy to continue practicing and things like that.
And if you ever have questions.
So it was it was intense, though, to think about these things.
Yeah, that's really intense.
That's good that you did that, though.
More people should do it.
I should do it, too, for sure.
Thanks.
Yeah, I don't know if I'm the expert, but I have an idea what to do now.
Well, I know more than I used to.
That's good.
Good to know.
Good to know.
Yeah, so what are we getting into today?
Are we talking about this idea of being confused, being lost?
Right.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So I mean, when you're confused about something you know, you ask for clarification.
You know, and we've talked about that before
But now we are going to talk about how to say that you're confused.
You can't just keep on saying I'm confused.
Right.
You can't keep saying the same thing over and over.
Exactly.
Confusion is an interesting emotion that kind of leads to other emotions, right?
My go-to emotion is I'm confused and then I tend to get angry.
And I don't get angry a lot, but for some reason, getting confused makes me angry.
Other people get upset or they get sad or they withdraw.
I just get mad.
I'm like, why is this so confusing?
It's frustrating.
It's frustrating.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So we want to help our listeners to express this.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
Yeah, how to say that you're confused about something.
So guys, we've also done an episode 1162, which was confused by your English teacher's response.
What to do?
So, we can think about that a little bit there.
So, guys, this is not...
What we're talking about today, it's not only for smaller concepts, right?
It's not only for understanding just like a specific topic.
You can also use this for larger conversations as well.
Like things you need unpacked, which is a word that we taught a couple weeks ago.
So that's kind of what the inspiration for this episode was, where we were talking about unpacked and things like that.
So we recently did an episode I'm not sure, I'm sorry, which number it was, but where we talked about kind of unpacking and clarity and things like that.
Yeah, I'm sure our listeners know which episode that was.
You guys can go back and check that out.
But for sure, this goes really nicely together with that episode, guys.
So listen to the two together if you're going back.
That's right.
That's right.
OK, but Lindsay, before we get into it more, what do we want to tell our listeners?
Well, I mean, what it comes down to, guys, is now it's 2020.
It's a big year.
We are going to do some really awesome things on the show this year.
So we want you to share the show with one friend, but not just any friend.
Right, Michelle?
That's right.
Oh my gosh.
It has to be the coolest friend.
Has to be the coolest friend.
So we have three requirements for All Ears English listeners.
Before you invite them into our community, make sure they fit these requirements.
What is number one, Michelle?
Well, they have to be open-minded.
Absolutely, because we share a lot of fun things on this show that might surprise you, that might challenge you, right.
You have to be open-minded.
Number two is you have to like to laugh.
That's right.
We laugh a lot on this show.
We have fun.
We laugh a lot.
You have to be willing to blend that with learning.
And then that leads into our third requirement.
What is it, Michelle?
Well, it has to be someone who's bored with the old way of learning.
Someone who needs, who you know.
Maybe they feel like I don't know.
You just notice when you talk to them that they're kind of like ugh over learning English.
They're just tired of it.
Maybe they're stuck in their textbook.
They're not doing anything fun with it.
This is the perfect show for them.
Exactly, Michelle.
So our solution, what we give you guys is connection, not perfection.
We show you how to get to connection in English and stop focusing on perfection.
So if you can think of one friend that would belong with us in our community, then send this episode or this show, send your podcast link to that friend through a text message or through an email, or just let them know about it at a party or something okay.
Show them how to subscribe and get them going.
Awesome.
I love it.
All right.
So Lindsay, telling someone that you're confused, I mean, or saying that something is confusing, it's a great way actually to connect because you're being honest.
For sure, for sure.
Especially if you know that that other person is also confused, right?
Mm-hmm.
Right.
Exactly.
So it's all about admitting that you don't know something.
Right.
And that's that's a really good, you know, just kind of honest way to connect with someone.
But it can be hard to do that.
Even in our native language, it can be.
I feel like I'm always thinking that everyone understands something and I don't.
Like I always have the thought that I'm the only one that doesn't get something.
And so it can be a big ego thing to say, to admit that you don't know what's going on.
Yeah.
And guys, I just want to stop you because I do have that episode number from before.
It's episode 1296, which is why unpacking isn't always about travel.
I love that title.
It's fantastic.
Okay, cool.
So there you have it.
So Lindsay, what's one way that you can say something is confusing?
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All right.
So the phrase is, it's a mystery to me.
Yeah, that's good.
I like this one.
Yeah.
When would this come in?
Would this be like small things or larger concepts?
I feel like this is more about like larger concepts, right?
I mean, you could say it casually as well.
But here, let's go do an example.
So Lindsay, I could say to you oh, it's a mystery to me how people afford living in huge apartments in New York City.
I know it's so expensive.
OK.
Right.
So that's one way you might use it.
I like that.
I like that.
And then the next one is I don't get it.
Very common.
I don't get it.
Right.
Or just or you could even say like in this example we're going to do also is I don't get how.
Yeah, this is so common.
Right, Michelle?
So common.
Oh, yeah.
I feel like this is really up there in like super, super common phrases that people say.
I don't get it all the time.
I feel like people say this.
And kids say it too.
Kids, adults, everyone.
Exactly.
All right.
So here's an example.
So I'll exercise for an hour and then take a shower and then head out to a double shift.
Wow, your schedule is so busy.
I don't get it.
You always seem to fit 25 hours into a 24-hour day.
So it's like, in this sense, you understand it literally.
You understand the schedule.
You know what I'm doing.
But on a like grander level, you don't get it on a more figurative level, I guess.
Like you don't understand how I can do it.
Right.
Right.
Right.
I mean because you can also say I don't get it if somebody says like so the square root of six hundred thirty four thousand is blah blah blah blah, blah.
I don't get it.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So that could be used like in both ways.
So that's a good point.
Right.
Or here, I don't get how people are always squishing themselves onto the train.
That's why I could never live in a city.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's great too.
Really good.
Yes.
Okay.
And what's the third one, Lindsay?
I have no clue.
So common.
This has been common ever since I was a kid.
You know, in the 80s, people have been using this phrase for ages, right?
Or I don't have a clue.
Right.
You could say either one.
But yeah, this idea of a clue is this feeling of like a clue is something that you would know.
Right.
Yeah, for sure.
I don't have a clue is that I don't have any idea.
Yeah, exactly.
So do you know where the bathroom is?
I have no clue.
It's a way of just emphasizing that you really don't know.
Right.
And maybe also building empathy with the other person.
If they're wandering around a party looking for the bathroom.
They're a little lost and you want to make them feel like there's nothing wrong with them.
I have no clue.
You're funny.
I love it.
Why has that happened to you?
No, I don't know.
It's just a funny image in my head now.
It is a funny image.
It's kind of funny.
Or what's another way you could use it?
Okay, these math problems are so tough.
I don't have a clue how to get through them.
Right.
Yeah.
So saying that you're confused.
Okay.
Perfect.
Perfect.
Yeah.
So these can be used casually or about larger issues.
They can be used literally, about literally.
You don't understand the mechanics of something, or the math, or about kind of.
You don't have a sense of empathy because you can't understand how the person does something or how something happens.
Right right, right.
I mean, are you usually honest, lindsey?
If you don't understand something, I try to be.
But again, like I said, it's kind of a complex that I have.
I always think that other people know what's going on and I don't know what's going on.
Oh, that's funny.
So I'm a little... I tend to... I don't know.
I would be less likely to admit, but I try to.
It's better to just say when you don't know because you can be honest and connect better, I think.
I think so, too, because probably other people are confused as well.
For sure.
For sure.
Yeah.
That's awesome.
So let's put it together in a role play, Lindsay.
On the other episode, we were talking about math a bit.
So we're going to talk about math right now because we are working on our homework together.
Oh, my gosh.
OK, here we go.
All right.
So let's go for it.
All right.
So, Lindsay, what's the answer to number 35?
Oh, I don't have a clue, Michelle.
Do you know?
It's 47.
Do you know how I got that answer?
It's a mystery to me.
I don't know, Michelle.
I just don't get it.
Well, I don't get how you can do your homework without any sleep.
That's why you're having so much trouble.
You're right.
Okay.
So you asked me for the answer, but you already knew the answer.
Yeah, I asked you.
I know.
My intonation was wrong and I realized it right away.
I should have said, so what's the answer to number 35?
Ah, I see.
Like, oh, I'm quizzing you.
Yeah, I know.
Totally different.
That's how we know intonation matters.
There we go.
There you go.
So what did you say?
Okay.
So I said, oh, I don't have a clue, Michelle.
Right, right, right.
And then I said, do you know how I got that answer?
And you said, it's a mystery to me.
Yeah.
And then I said, I just don't get it.
Right?
Right.
And you're using just to emphasize how frustrated you are.
Yeah, for sure.
For sure.
And then you said, I don't get how you can do your homework without any sleep.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
So this is good.
I mean, this is an example of maybe two kids doing their homework together and just saying they don't understand the math and they don't understand each other's lifestyle.
Like why you don't understand the fact that I don't sleep and I can keep working.
Right, right, right.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
Well, this is fun.
I mean, I think the takeaway is here, you know, be honest if you don't understand.
It can be about something larger, like a big concept, or something smaller, like you don't understand where the bathroom is right.
Yeah, for sure.
And it does bring you into connection with the person.
As soon as you admit that, it's like you bring down your guard and you immediately relax.
Like your body relaxes, everything relaxes.
And we want connection in life, guys.
So the more you can be honest about not knowing something, the better, honestly.
Definitely.
Okay, I love it.
Well, this was fun.
And hopefully we don't have too many confusing moments in the future.
But now we know what to say instead of just I'm confused.
Exactly.
And remember, guys, our request to you today is share the show with one very cool friend.
If they meet those three characteristics, then they belong in the All Ears English community.
So shoot them a text message right now and invite them over.
Okay, cool.
Perfect.
Thanks for listening, guys.
Have a good day, Lindsay.
All right, Michelle.
Talk to you soon.
Bye.
All right.
Bye.
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