This is an All Ears English podcast episode 1193.
Are you a backseat driver?
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Hey, Jessica, how's it going?
That doesn't sound good.
No, I mean, good and bad, right?
We had an amazing camping trip, but I think my dog came back with a bit of a flea infestation or something.
Okay.
All right.
You know what?
I have faced problems like this before because I had cats growing up and I actually heard some really good advice.
One thing you could do is you could put two drops of apple cider vinegar behind his ears and a drop of maple syrup on his nose, and you will not have fleas.
Yeah.
Maple syrup.
Yeah.
Maple syrup.
Maple syrup.
That's ridiculous.
I'm just going to call you out on that advice, Lindsay, because you're not a vet.
But I've had cats.
I've had cats.
It works.
I swear.
I don't believe you.
I'm just going to say I don't believe you with that advice.
Guys, guys, that was a fun little example of what it feels like to get unsolicited advice.
How did it feel? it's tricky.
It's not great, guys.
Like, nobody wants to get unsolicited advice, period.
No.
Right?
Like, whenever you have a problem, or maybe like, You're not even talking about your problem.
Maybe just you're in public doing something and some rando, some random person comes up to you and like starts giving you advice out of nowhere that you don't want, you don't need.
And especially if this advice is like wrong because this person is not an expert.
Or whatever.
It's tricky, right?
Because you're like, okay, I have to listen to this.
But then how do you respond?
Do you pretend to take it and be like, okay, thank you.
Or like I did just say, look, I don't believe anything you're saying.
Just call it out.
Just call it out.
It can be also it can be very condescending too, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's a little condescending to people who actually know, like actual professionals, like veterinarians, you know, like who are we to think?
We know the answer, you know.
And this kind of comes across in different ways.
So guys, we are excited today to share with you some very natural cultural phrases, three of them specifically about this concept of kind of unsolicited advice and Thinking you know when you actually don't.
Yes.
Oh, my gosh.
I love these idioms so much.
They are so much fun, you guys.
I think like the most common way that we get unsolicited advice is dealing with, like when people tell us how we should deal with stress or how we should relax or how we should change our lives in some way to like – be different or be quote unquote, better or whatever right.
Um, like this is really common because it's like this huge medical field of psychology.
It's not like cut and dried sort of right, like dealing with fleas.
That's like proven right, like there are medicines for that, like we got that covered.
But what about like stress or anxiety and all these other like mental issues?
Yeah, I feel bad for people who like work as psychiatrists or psychologists sometimes, because for some I mean, you know if, like we said last week, we were talking about this episode and I said, you know what?
You know, not everyone can just go and perform brain surgery if they're not a brain surgeon.
So why do we think that we can give psychological advice on very delicate psychological topics if we're not an actual psychiatrist or psychologist?
We do because we have a brain.
We think we have this insight, but it's a little bit presumptuous sometimes.
It is.
Yeah, totally.
And plus these days.
I mean, there are so many videos and websites and books, and maybe some of them are written by qualified psychologists or psychiatrists, but there's a great deal of self-help out there out there that's not written by experts.
It's just some person who's very charismatic and is very convincing.
And it's like, I have all the answers to make you happy.
And I think people just go through a lot of this material and they think they know all this stuff and then they pass it on to other people.
And it's like oh like, sometimes guys, sometimes you do just need to pay a professional if you want to deal with like whatever mental issues.
Yeah.
I mean, I think it's tricky because you know there is a whole field of coaching and I do think coaching can be legitimate, right.
Right.
So coaching is different from psychology because coaching brings you through framework.
So if you're working with a certified coach, if a coach is certified in certain frameworks, I think that can be super useful.
But we just have to know what is the issue we're trying to work on.
Does it need a psychologist or does it need a coach?
But we're getting to a side point here.
Yeah.
I know.
We could talk about that for a long time.
But the reason why we're mentioning this is because we actually do have an idiom for this.
When people give you unsolicited advice that maybe you would ask a psychiatrist or psychologist for.
We call that unsolicited armchair psychologist.
That person is being an armchair psychologist or armchair psychiatrist.
And I love this because it's such an image, right?
Like a person sitting in a comfortable armchair, a comfortable big chair, listening and nodding as you talk about your problems.
And then And giving you like wise advice.
But the thing is, it's not wise advice, right?
Because it's, yeah, just this person's opinion.
Exactly.
So this is such a I mean, these phrases today are fantastic guys, and they will set you apart forever.
You know, if you use these, you will connect with natives immediately.
They'll probably chuckle and they'll connect with you.
So guys, think about using these today for sure.
I love the next one because I definitely there's a backseat driver in my life.
I don't know about you.
Oh, no.
Um, yeah, actually James is a backseat driver.
Oh no, already as a kid.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
This is so common and it's so annoying for drivers.
Um, yeah.
So tell me about the backseat driver in your life.
Backseat driver in my life.
My friend, she, I think she just, you know, just gets nervous in the car.
And I don't think I'm that bad of a driver.
But when I...
When I drive with her, it feels like I'm a bad driver.
So I lose my confidence.
I'm like you're not making me feel safe behind the wheel because you're always pointing out the things that I'm doing wrong.
And then I think, am I actually a bad driver?
Or is she just really paranoid?
Yeah.
It's tricky.
It's tricky.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know.
Like, I'm a good driver, but I do get lost a lot.
Like, I can handle, like, the technicalities of handling the car.
I'm great.
Yeah.
But I do get lost all the time.
Yeah.
James is... He'll, you know, he'll say stuff like...
Because maybe I'm driving and I'm like, oh, I think I'm supposed to turn here.
And then I turn and James will be like, are you sure?
Are you sure this is the right way?
Like he always says stuff like that.
And then, right.
And then you start doubting yourself and you're like, oh, God, well, I guess I do get lost a lot.
Maybe it's not the right way.
Right, right.
That's the biggest problem I have with backseat drivers.
It's not what they're saying so much, technically speaking, about the critique of the driving.
It's more about the way I start to doubt myself when I hear that.
That's the worst.
Yeah, totally.
So that is very literal, right?
Like in the car.
But guys, we can also use this idiom in other situations, right?
We use it with the verb play a lot, which I like.
So if you are doing a project at home, you're putting together a bookshelf, let's say and, And your friend walks in and just starts telling you how to do that.
Right.
Like how to change what you're doing.
And you could be like, well, like, thanks for playing Backstreet Driver on this one.
I'm following the directions.
I'm good.
That's interesting.
I've never heard it used in that context, but that makes a lot of sense.
I like that.
I like that.
So someone who's not supposed to be in control, but they try to take control.
Right.
Exactly.
Unsolicited advice.
Humans are so good at that.
We think we know better all the time.
We do.
Yeah, that's so true.
And then the next one, I love it.
Are you a football fan?
Oh heck no, you aren't either.
No, neither of us understand that game.
No, not really.
I'm trying, because there are a lot of people that i know that love it, and it's actually a really smart game if you get to know it.
But i'm working on it.
I'm working on it, That's true.
I guess in the past couple years, you've started to watch it more.
I know that.
I'm sure you figured out more than I have.
But we have so many idioms in English that come from sports like in general, Tom's from baseball surprisingly, but that's another topic that could be a whole show like baseball idioms.
Yeah, we actually did an episode.
We recorded it today with Michelle guys.
That'll be coming out at some point, but this one we didn't cover because this means something completely different, right?
So this goes again to the topic of unsolicited advice and thinking that you know after the fact, after everything has already happened.
So what is the phrase?
What's the magic phrase, Jessica?
Monday morning quarterback.
And I hear people use it as a verb to like Monday morning quarterbacking.
Oh, I've heard people say this is like the phrase hindsight is 2020.
Right.
Like looking back, you always can know better.
Like looking back, you always think like, oh, well, you should have done this then.
Well like, of course, like you know that now, but at the time there's no way you could have known.
Exactly.
So the reason we say Monday morning quarterback again is guys, because of course most of the big football games happen on Sundays.
Now they do have like Monday night football.
So that's it kind of you know.
But generally you think of football, you think of Sunday afternoon, right.
Right.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Like people falling asleep on the couch with a beer in their hand watching football.
That's kind of my image.
I don't know if that's always true.
Totally.
But yeah.
So maybe an example could be like you're telling your friend about this horrible trip you had last weekend, right?
Right.
You – like the hotel wasn't great or like it was dirty or whatever.
And you read reviews.
Like you did your research and it still turned out to be bad and you're telling your friend this.
And then your friend is like, well, you should have checked this website.
Their reviews are better or whatever.
And you're like, well –
OK, thanks for playing Monday morning quarterback.
But I think I think it's not my fault.
I did everything I could.
Exactly.
That's a good example.
So it's like when someone thinks they knew better.
But if they were in your situation, they probably wouldn't have done any better in reality.
Yeah, totally.
Yeah.
It's always so easy to be like, well, if I were in your shoes.
Yeah.
I would have handled it perfectly.
And that's why I try to avoid offering unsolicited advice.
Unsolicited advice, right?
That's exactly why.
That comes full circle here, right?
That's the reason why we don't want to try to tell people about how to handle flea problems with their dogs.
Yep.
I got all the dog websites for that.
I'm good.
Yeah.
But guys, I think these phrases, obviously, you don't want to use them a lot, but it's unavoidable.
And plus, it doesn't have to be in the literal negative context that we were talking about today, even though they do happen.
But These are also great just as like sarcastic sort of teases to friends, right?
When they give you advice, you just be like well, you're kind of playing armchair psychologist right now.
And it's just kind of a joke.
Like, that's also fine.
For sure.
Yeah.
I mean a big part of building connection.
Depending on the person, depending on you, your sense of humor could be teasing.
Right.
Or maybe if you're dating someone, you could it could be a kind of flirting.
This could be a way of flirting for sure.
Right.
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
For sure.
Yeah, what if like, you're on a date or whatever and you're in the car and you could be like um?
I don't want to be backstreet driver here, but I think you missed the turn.
Yeah, like a big part of flirting is definitely teasing and making fun of people.
So that's huge.
Maybe we'll do a whole nother episode on just the art of flirting in English.
Oh gosh, that would be fun.
I'm really bad at flirting.
But maybe I could be Monday morning quarterback and think how I could do it better.
That's awesome.
Well, this has been a good episode though today.
I love this.
So guys, the words again are armchair psychologist.
What's the next one, Jessica?
Just to review here.
Backseat driver.
Yes.
And Monday morning quarterback.
So guys, yeah, love it.
If you're listening inside the iOS app, we will most likely have these words selected as your keywords for your personal power list this episode.
So you know if you are in the app, then you will get a chance to save these words to your special list.
So definitely use the app at allearsenglish.com forward slash bonuses.
Awesome.
Oh, I love it.
Yes.
You have to choose like one of these phrases to save to your list.
Oh, absolutely.
So fun.
Absolutely.
So cool.
So cool.
All right.
This has been fun, Jessica.
Good luck with that flea problem.
Thanks, man.
I got it.
Don't worry.
All right.
Take care.
Bye.
All right.
Bye.
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