We're getting really professional today.
I actually can't film this.
You may be wondering, why do you have a microphone?
I'm not another person starting a podcast.
I'm sticking to my roots, YouTube.
Honestly, I just wanted to be fun today.
I just wanted to switch it up.
That's it gonna be doing a little advice session.
Today i went on instagram i said i'm no expert, but if you have anything you want advice on, let me know and it'll be completely anonymous.
I do little advice segments like this, usually at the end of my vlogs, but i wanted to just sit down and do a whole soul advice video because i get honestly, a lot of dms from you guys with advice that you're asking for, and a lot of it sometimes it's actually similar.
Sometimes, Sometimes you guys ask similar things.
So I thought we could all just chat together.
This is just my take.
What does make me qualified?
I'd like to think I am a pretty rational person and I've had some interesting life experiences.
So just take this as you will.
How to put yourself first when you're in a relationship.
I think it's so easy, especially when you first start dating, to get so wrapped up in the relationship.
You wanna spend every single second with them, which is normal and like good, but you also just wanna make sure you have your own identity and don't lose yourself.
I would say making sure you preserve your friendships, your personal goals, whether it's work, your own lifestyle and also still having your own hobbies.
So I'd say those three things, if I could like break it down.
I'm graduating soon and I'm sad because I'll miss it.
I remember feeling this way when I was graduating college.
The last six months of college was like such a bittersweet time because, like you know, when life is so good and you know a big change is coming, you know it's not going to be that way forever.
So you're trying to enjoy every last minute of it, but you're also simultaneously a little bit sad and dreading that it's gonna be over.
That's how my last six months of college were, or like my whole last year.
I knew obviously it wasn't gonna last forever.
That was honestly probably like the best years of my life.
And even looking back now, sometimes I get a little bit sad because I just miss it.
What I try to remember is I'm so grateful that I had that experience and I'm so thankful that I miss it, because that means I had a positive experience.
A lot of it's just like the way you look at it and accepting that there's going to be a new chapter ahead.
And just because it's new doesn't mean it has to be a worse chapter.
How to not care about what other people say behind your back, it sucks.
I used to struggle with this a lot, especially with social media.
Sometimes when I get comments that are negative every so often, occasionally it gets to me.
And I just remember those people.
Even if you know them in real life, they don't really really know you.
You have your inner circle of close friends and family.
Those people's opinions are the ones that matter to me.
And aside from that, the other people who are judging don't truly know you.
They just don't know the full you.
So you can't take their opinion into consideration.
How do you recommend being comfortable with moving to a new place and leaving home?
You're not at first gonna be comfortable with it, matter like how much preparation you do and you try to be, it's not gonna feel like home probably at first.
It took a good couple months for myself to adjust.
It'll start to feel like home once you make more friends and once you know your way around your neighborhood, once you meet your local barista and know their name.
It's not going to at first and i think just like preparing for that and just like riding through the first couple months is how I would probably go into it.
Otherwise, you're just going to put a lot of pressure on yourself to like expect it to feel like home right away, when obviously it won't.
You know, you live somewhere else for an extended period of time.
This is, I assume, like a very new place to you.
How to feel like you aren't behind in life.
Everyone is doing things and I feel stuck.
I honestly think social media has made this so much worse.
I think every single person has felt this way at one point or another.
I think we're just really good at only posting the positives on social media.
I know it's so over said and you've probably like heard this a million times, but truly people only post their highlight reels.
And it's really hard when you go on social media and you see people's accomplishments.
Social media is not real at all and i have to remind myself of that all the time because a lot of the time after going on social media i feel so much worse about myself because i'm just comparing someone's successes to my mundane normal day that i'm having.
Just remember you really aren't behind, you just think you're behind, because you're only seeing a tiny fraction like one percent people's successes and you're not seeing the full picture.
So i really attribute a lot of that social media.
That's like a personal opinion.
How to get over any guy about breakups, please?
How to stop missing the idea of your ex?
I see on TikTok and social media a lot.
So many like quick fixes to things like this, especially with breakups and things.
Like ways to get over your ex really quickly or hot girls don't care, they move on from their ex.
And, to be honest, that's just not realistic.
If you really truly loved someone, you're not going to be able to just get over them by following three steps and like a snap.
That's probably not like the answer you want to hear, but it just takes time and it takes no contact all of the kind of boring answers but truly time and remembering the reasons that it didn't work out, not just focusing on the positives but also remembering the reasons it ended, because obviously, if it ended, there were or there was a reason don't put so much pressure on yourself, is what i'm saying.
To get over them in like a a week you just need to take your time with your own healing journey and i promise with time it does get a lot better.
You have to go through it to get out on the other side, 22 and never dated anyone i fear i never will because i'm so picky and get the ick easily.
First i want to say it's so okay to not have dated anyone and be 22, because you probably saved yourself a lot of heartache.
I think being picky is good.
It shows that you have standards and things and expectations that you're looking for in a partner.
I would say the ick part.
It depends on why you're getting the ick.
Okay, it depends.
Maybe you're getting the ick because you're just truly like not attracted to them and that's like so valid and so fine.
But if you're getting the ick because someone's like really caring about you i feel like it's a common reason people get the ick.
They're doing it like appropriately, they're not like going crazy and like stalking and obsessing over you then maybe look into yourself because you want to be with someone who really truly cares about you and when you love yourself enough, you're going to want to be with someone who also loves you just as much.
So i don't have any super close girlfriends who do i make my bridesmaids.
I'm sorry.
I want to be your friend now we're friends.
I don't think you need bridesmaids now.
You don't even need to have a bridal party.
I actually went to a wedding and they didn't have a bridal party at all.
No bridesmaids, no groomsmen.
And that was just like a personal preference that they had.
The wedding was great.
Everyone had the best time.
I think it also probably takes a lot of pressure off choosing who you're gonna have as your bridesmaids.
So I like that approach.
You definitely don't need to have a bridal party.
You should do whatever you want because it's your wedding.
So don't feel pressure to have a bridal party.
Dating someone you know you can't marry.
It obviously depends on the person.
If someone's looking to date casually, then this answer is not applicable to them.
But for me, I'm someone that, especially as I get older, I do not want to waste my time dating someone who I don't see a future with.
That just feels like a waste of time to me and to them.
I've been in that situation before.
It was just always in the back of my mind that it wasn't going to work out long term.
It was like hard for me to be emotionally invested in the relationship at that point because I just knew it wasn't going to work out.
So why was I in it?
I just wouldn't be in it if you don't see it long term.
I know that's really hard, especially if you've been with someone for a long time.
But just because you have a history together doesn't mean you need to stay stuck forever if you don't think that they're your person.
How to feel comfortable wearing slash styling items that you like but aren't popular or trendy.
If you like something that is not trendy, do not let that like hold you back from wearing it, because trends come and go.
Unfortunately, I feel like I fall victim to a lot of trends because I just like them.
It just comes down to styling it how you want it to be, not based on what you think it should be.
If you like it, then you're going to feel more confident wearing it.
Don't feel like because they're not popular or trendy, you can't have fun styling your outfits?
How to get over a clingy guy?
Um, i mean, are you dating him?
Like what's the context?
I assume you're not dating him on it.
I would just try to like message less.
If he doesn't get the hint, then maybe just be honest and be like hey, this isn't gonna work for me.
I just wanted to be up front with you.
It's always good to be up front and be honest, just so he's not like wasting his time maybe thinking or fantasizing that you guys are gonna be together.
So you can like not give him any hope, if that's where it's coming from.
But I mean, if you're like actually dating him, like seriously dating him, I don't know.
I think I need more context for that one.
How to not feel the pressure of being judged while posting on Instagram.
I think what's helped me the most is if I actually like the post, not thinking about what other people are going to perceive it as.
But if I like think they're cool pictures, or I just like my outfit, or I like the photos I took of the sky whatever, if I like it, then I just feel a lot better about posting it.
Here's a longer question that I want to answer.
It's like a couple parts.
I feel quite lonely.
My friends all have boyfriends and can get quite caught up with them.
I feel when I make plans, they forget.
I feel like I consider them way more than them.
Like I would cancel things or do extra to accommodate, but they don't think to do the same.
I just feel like I'm not cared about enough, but they are my only friends in a new city.
I really need advice for this and I've been struggling with loneliness.
What should I do?
The friend that gets in a relationship and just cuts off all of their friends is the person I never want to be, ever.
You never want to sacrifice your friendships for a relationship, and you don't need to do that either.
Like you can totally be in a happy, healthy relationship and still maintain all of your friendships.
So I'm really sorry because that just sucks.
I understand maybe they'll have a little bit less time because they are in a relationship now.
That makes a lot of sense.
But if they're really really not having any time for you or any time for the friendship at all, then if they're really really close friends that you really care about, you could always say something to them.
It doesn't even have to be like a huge, deep conversation, but...
Like I just wish I would see you more and I wish we could plan more things together.
Is there a time that you're more available?
So that way they know that you want to hang out and like how you're feeling a little bit.
But if it's kind of past the point of communicating it, then I would honestly try to meet new people.
And I know that is like really hard, but I would try to make more friends.
Not saying you have to like ditch them or anything, but at least for the time being, just put your energy into more friendships that are going to be more equal, because you deserve to be in friendships that give as much to you as you give to them.
I think that's the worst feeling when you're in a friendship and you're giving like your all and the other person never tries and it's like very one-sided.
Ways to get more out of my everyday existence.
I feel like I'm repeating a lot each day.
My first initial thought is to try something you've never done before, that you've always wanted to like.
For me, this is so random, but i've been wanting to go horseback riding, so i would say like, do something that you've been wanting to try, like a new hobby or something that like, really excites you, even if like, you're new to it and like you're not gonna be good at it, it doesn't matter.
I think that's like a way to inspire you and like, bring some excitement.
For me personally, I don't want to like throw my opinions on you.
That's like the last thing I ever want to do.
But for me, if I am feeling like really sad about my everyday life, in like a rut, praying for me helps a lot.
My faith in God gives me a lot of hope.
That's what's helped me so much.
How do you know if you like someone?
I feel like you will know.
Like you will know.
If you don't, you probably don't like them if you're questioning it.
Sleeping when you live on a busy street like you did in New York.
I'm in London.
Yes, you remember.
I'd never seen my apartment before.
Mistake number one.
Make sure you see it before you sign a lease.
I didn't know the noise level would be that high, especially at night.
The main issue for me was obviously when I was sleeping, because there would just be constant traffic outside of my window.
What saved me was a white noise machine.
I'll try to link it below.
I don't even remember what it's called, but I'm gonna link it because it really helped.
You can also get the white noise app on your phone too.
You don't need to like buy a machine.
How to not rot.
Here's the thing.
It's okay to rot sometimes.
You need a day when you're just, you don't do anything.
Sometimes i just don't want to leave my bedroom, like i had a busy week and i just want to lay in my bed half the day and i just want to rot and that's fine, you know, you can rot for a little bit.
Take your weekly dose or week monthly dose of rotting, as long as it's not all the time.
That's different.
What's your advice for being independent?
By the way, i love your vlogs, thank you.
I think just being comfortable doing stuff alone, whatever it is.
If you're scared to go to a coffee shop by yourself, then push yourself and do it and afterwards i promise you'll feel better because you just proved to yourself and showed yourself that even though you were scared, you can still do it and it's not gonna be weird.
No one's gonna care that you're by yourself.
People are so consumed in their own life like no one's going to take a second glance.
And even if you're not nervous to do them, just being comfortable in your own company.
Do you have any advice on being confident in the decisions you make?
This is like a hard one for me because I get, isn't it called like decision paralysis?
Am I making that up?
I don't know.
I might be making that up.
Bigger decisions especially, I get sort of indecisive because I overthink all of the outcomes.
I'm like such an analytical person that I want to make the right decision.
I want to be like 100% certain.
But someone told me once that even if you're 95% sure, that's okay.
You don't have to be 100% certain of a decision.
It can be the right decision and you still might not feel 100% confident in it and that's okay.
It doesn't make it the wrong decision.
So after that, when I started making decisions, especially bigger ones, I thought to myself what the better choice was.
Even if I wasn't 100, if I was maybe 80, sure I would just go with it and accept that I'm not most likely gonna always feel 100 sure.
And that's okay.
Is it healthy to outgrow your friends?
I wouldn't say necessarily healthy is the right word, but I would say I don't think it's uncommon and I don't think it's a bad thing.
From age 17 to 24, 25, you change so much.
People always said that to me, but until I went through it myself, I look back at my 18-year-old self and I don't even recognize myself.
The people I've made friends with more recently in the past couple years.
I don't even know if we would have been friends when I was 18, because I was just a different person and i'm sure they were different too, not in a bad way.
I'm sure we would have like, got along and liked each other.
You just have different interests and you really grow into yourself and you learn what you value and what you don't value in friendships.
So i don't think it's a bad thing and i think the ones that you do stay friends with throughout those few years i would say, are probably highly likely to be long-term friendships or like lifelong friends, that's like very special.
So holding on to those friendships that are so long,
One of my best friends you guys know from Minnesota is Rachel.
We've been friends since I was like, I think we were like 14.
We have grown so much closer in the past 10 years and are the closest now, I would say, than we've ever been, because we just happened to like grow together and we kind of like grew in very similar ways.
So we're even closer now than before, which is just like so special, and i've been able to like be with her for like so many milestones and she's shared milestones with me.
Those like are relationships that i really value.
Not all of them will be like that, and i think that's okay.
It doesn't need to be like this dramatic friendship breakup and it's not like you guys have to not be friends anymore.
Maybe you're just acquaintances, and i think it's actually pretty normal as long as it's done in like a nice way.
How to get over a guy who rejected you more than once but acts interested in you?
I would stop entertaining that and not waste your time on games.
How do you deal with friends that make you feel insecure about yourself?
I am so sorry.
That makes me really sad.
Your true friends should never, ever make you feel insecure about yourself.
They should be lifting you up and encouraging you.
If they're like saying things to make you feel that way intentionally, it sounds like a really big red flag and I would not be in those friendships.
How to know when to end a healthy relationship?
I don't think he's the one, i just think when you know you know like no one else can tell you when you're ready to do that, it just comes from with you and within.
And when you know you know it's time to end it.
How do you prioritize yourself first and make yourself mentally stronger?
Having goals and sticking to them, because that kind of just shows yourself that you can follow through.
It makes me like mentally just feel more confident in myself, because I know that I can like trust my own word.
If you have plans with someone and they always flake and they always bail Those people I tend to like not really trust as much.
I don't really have as much confidence in them when we make plans next, because I just don't know if they're gonna follow through.
So if you're doing that to yourself and you have goals that you're setting and you're just not working towards them or you're not following through with them, even if it's like a simple goal, like I wanna wake up at 730 in the morning and I don't wanna snooze my alarm
If it's something small like that and you're still hitting snooze and not following through on what your word was, which I do, trust me, I did it this morning.
I'm not perfect. it makes me less confident because i start to like not trust myself so when you follow through on your word to yourself and you keep your promises to yourself i think that's what makes me i guess like mentally stronger or just like have more confidence how do you make new friends especially being in a new city all alone not knowing anyone that was me a year ago when i moved to new york all by myself i knew nobody i'm not even dramatic i knew nobody here really just have to put yourself out there more than you ever normally would which is also like hard and kind of exhausting i just like tried to think of any way that i could meet people because even in new york it's such a big city that you kind of like it's easy to get like lost in the sauce a little it's like you have to really take initiative because no one's going to like knock on your door and try to be friends with you at least for me like it definitely took some effort on my side and like putting myself out there a bit i what did i do i asked like a lot of my friends if they knew anyone in new york kind of like mutual friends so a couple of my friends were like oh yeah i'm friends with this person she's really sweet you guys should be friends so then i went on like a coffee date or something with them that's how i met a few of my friends actually and i'm still really great friends with them so like mutual friends are like really nice if you have any in the area remembering to just get out and not like stay stuck in your house or apartment because you're not going to meet anyone just sitting in your room unfortunately and even like honestly social media you can like go on instagram and if you see someone who's like in your area i don't know if that's weird but you could be like hey do you want to hang out we could get coffee i done that with a couple influencer friends we were following each other on instagram but we never met i saw that they were in the city and i was like hey i just moved here do you want to get coffee and most people are usually really receptive and nice it never hurts to put yourself out there worst that can happen is you never see them anyways so i think that's gonna be all for my little advice session i hope maybe i introduced one new perspective if anything i like more of like the chatty casual videos every once in a while so i hope you guys liked this too i just wanted to say i love you guys and thanks for all of your questions for your advice if you had any i'll try to keep answering more so don't worry if i didn't get to it because i'm gonna try to answer them in my next videos But I love you guys and I'll see you in my next video.
