I didn't know it in this moment, but everything was about to end.
I know nothing in life is meant to last forever.
Everything eventually ends in one way or another.
And that's the beauty of it all.
Life really is this series of fleeting moments, emotions and experiences.
I guess I just could have never imagined this all ending in the way it did.
Someone I really genuinely thought I could trust recently has deeply, deeply hurt me.
It was hard to process that my dream life on the road, living and traveling out of my van, was now over.
These plans I invested everything into all had abruptly failed.
Come back and know you remember me.
You feel shocked aloft when they found out You'd spent your life in a lie, So I had to move back home.
Back to this place I thought I'd outgrown.
And I was left alone at my absolute lowest.
The worst my mental health has, like, ever been.
For the past three months, I have not been able to eat or sleep properly.
Like, I'm genuinely shocked.
This is literally the most insane situation.
I've never in my life been so confused.
I've literally lost thousands of dollars.
My camera equipment.
The footage I need for the whole Borderless series.
Everything just fell apart.
This is just, like, not the plan.
I never wanted to be back here.
I just have like no idea what I'm supposed to do now about everything dude.
Like this is genuinely a fucking disaster.
I started therapy yesterday.
I'm supposed to write out some of my thoughts and feelings.
I guess I'm just devastated.
I think I've always had a hard time making friends, getting close to people.
It just feels like everyone always leaves.
No matter how close I think I am with someone, one day things are just different, and I just wish I knew why.
Last week, I bought a guitar.
I'm terrible so far, but I've been having a really hard time dealing with the silence.
The more time goes on, the less I know what to think or feel.
I've just never been so disoriented.
All these memories, everything I ever thought was real, I can't stop questioning now.
Was it all really a lie?
What even is the truth anymore?
We got it!
We got it!
We got it!
We got it!
We got it!
We got it!
We got it!
We got it!
We got it!
We got it!
We got it!
What if the truth is I should have never trusted?
Maybe I shouldn't have ever let my guard down.
I've always feared this sense of abandon. this feeling of betrayal.
So why did I actually believe this time would be different?
How could I be so naive?
I don't know if I'll ever figure out the answers to all my questions, but last night I got my first full night of sleep in months.
I've been working on accepting that I can't change anything.
I can only really choose where it will all lead me next.
Depression is a relentless, haunting affliction.
But with psilocybin treatment we were seeing immediate reductions in depression symptoms.
These days I feel distant from the person I once was.
All I really do now is edit my films. practice guitar, microdose psilocybin, and well, journal.
Today, I realized it's been four months since the last time I hung out with anyone.
I know it's probably not healthy to spend all this time isolating myself, but it's safer in my room alone.
Hey Natalie, it's Simon.
I tried calling you earlier because basically I wanted to ask you if you'd be interested on going on an adventure sometime.
I know it's like literally last minute, but I'm going to be in Canada next week and I know you're kind of close to there.
So yeah, just let me know if you're free.
So I was hesitant to say yes, but I've really missed traveling.
I guess my main concern is well, I've only met Simon once before, back while I was on the road last year.
So I really have no idea how this adventure is going to go.
I don't even really know if I'm ready yet.
But I think I've been through a lot the past few months, so I'm just hoping my life can only go up from here.
Oh my god, I really hope I have everything I need to have, dude.
This is so scary, actually.
Hi.
Hi.
Passport?
Okay, alright.
Those are usually the options.
Sounds good, thank you.
I'm in Canada, what the hell?
There he is!
Uber ride for Simon!
Let's go!
We are here on the boat.
We made it!
I didn't know it in the moment, but everything was about to begin.
Why'd you want to go on this adventure together?
Um, first of all, try to live out of a van, but i want to get to know you better.
You seem like a really cool person and this is like potentially my last trip before i go back to school.
So it's like whatever happens happens and i'm gonna enjoy it because, who knows, the next time i'll be doing something like this.
You know That ferry ride to Vancouver Island was only the start.
It was the start of something better than I could have ever even imagined.
I wonder where Natalie is.
Oh.
Let's go.
Baby girl, how do you use this?
I don't think it works.
Oh god oh, my god oh, you'll be sleeping in here.
I feel like it'll be okay.
I don't know.
When the adventure first started, I'll admit I didn't know if we would even get along that well.
If anything, I honestly just saw the trip as more of an escape from everything I was going through.
This is just beautiful.
Just trying to be present.
Trying to not think about like everything.
Yeah, that's what this trip is in a way.
Like it's almost like I'm kind of running from these things that have been kind of bothering me.
Being back outside in nature did help me for a while.
It helps me remember how insignificant all my problems are in the grand scheme of everything.
I started to think maybe I was never supposed to figure out all the answers.
Maybe I was never meant to understand it all.
Now I should just try to experience whatever life even really is.
Oh my god!
Oh my god!
A journey crippled by its time.
No!
Dude, that's a lot.
Simon cut his feet on the rocks.
Okay, I have band-aids in the back.
We have like a first aid kit in here.
Okay, that's fine.
I quickly realized that trying to travel and live out of my van with Simon was going to be interesting.
Oh my god.
I'm about to rage.
It smells so bad.
Between all of our clothes smelling like literal ass.
The hazmat items.
Trying to shower with only a water jug.
Guys, this is peak van life right here.
Ew, the noise.
Ew!
Realizing the eggs molded in the fridge.
Ew!
Literally, we've been trying to get on the road all day.
And everything keeps going wrong.
And just all the realities that come with driving around a 30-year-old vehicle.
One windshield wiper!
This thing feels like it's going to fall apart at any second, I swear.
I think the brakes overheated because the right tires started smoking.
So we might need someone to tow us.
It really seemed like there was always something going wrong in one way or another.
We called the wrong AAA at first, but there's one in Canada apparently that's specifically.
But having someone there to make light of the whole situation and laugh with about everything really meant a lot to me.
Oh, could it be?
Yes!
No, no, no, no!
Natalie actually called me fat because I'm on the side of the wheel that exploded and you know what that's getting to me.
We got like no sleep last night because we were waiting for a tow truck until like 3m and then the tow truck that did finally show up Couldn't fit us on the van.
So we had the.
We literally had to spend the night at a stop sign and Bro, this is not where I expected to be this morning.
What the hell?
Riding on a sketchy ass tow truck in the back of my van.
Oh my God.
Sure, this was never a part of the plan or where I expected to be.
But when I was on the road with Simon, all my failed plans and expectations suddenly didn't seem to matter as much anymore.
How did we end up here, actually?
I think this is one of those moments that you will not forget, you know?
Because of how, like, just random it is, you know?
It's so cool.
We were like, oh, we'll just sleep in a Walmart parking lot tonight, you know?
But then we end up here somehow.
How do you know how we end up here?
Let's go!
Let's go!
Let's go!
Let's go!
But I feel like this trip's been so good because before, we were both in a tough place, I'd say.
100%, yeah.
Yeah, to say the least.
But I feel like it's this random, spontaneous breath of fresh air that we both needed.
I appreciate it.
I appreciate this trip.
Yeah, I appreciate this trip as well.
Thank you for coming.
Thanks for hosting me in Spiffy.
Do you think you can live in solitude for your whole life and just live life that way?
Or do you think humans need love and humans need relationships?
I think we need relationship.
Because I feel like I tried to do that for like a lot of years.
I like just isolated myself.
I'm working on myself.
Yeah.
But I'm also lonely.
Yeah, like you can't, I don't think anyone can be alone for that amount of time.
So before I even really realized it, we were getting close.
Maybe even a little too close.
How are your balls doing?
All right.
All right.
Thanks for asking.
Thanks for checking up on me.
I was interested in an update.
Anyways, what I'm trying to say is it honestly caught me off guard to be able to open up in the way that I did.
Look at how bad that puddle is.
Oh, shit.
Go for it.
Normally I'm just really closed off with most people and it takes a lot for me to actually be close to someone.
Before this trip I just genuinely didn't think I would ever be able to trust anyone ever again.
But somehow, in some way, there I was.
Exploring that random beach on the Cougar Island with my new friend, Simon.
What's something deep and meaningful, Natalie?
Say something so deep and profound.
Balls.
The first night, like I just wake up to this And she's one of those snores that goes.
You know what I mean.
Like, it's not even a... Fuck you.
It's a...
It's like, what is that, bro?
We're not in a cartoon right now.
This is what I wake up to in the middle of the night.
I'll see some rustling in the sleeping bag, and I'll wake up to this sound.
So for the first time in a long time, life started to feel a little less heavy.
I don't know what do you think it takes for you to form like a really close connection with someone.
Like what do you think it's been specifically?
I don't know why, but it seems like you're easy to open up to.
Really that's a huge compliment, thank you yeah, and i think as you get older and you kind of like move through more relationships, you get a better understanding of the type of people you get along with the most.
And You know it might be hard to get to that point because you might have to go through a lot of relationships that don't work out, you know.
Yeah, yeah.
That show you what you might not want in a relationship.
But after a few talks with most people you can just kind of tell like hey, I'm going to have a good time with this person.
Hey, this is going to work out?
Yeah, this is going to work out.
Oh, I just found an otter.
You're lying.
Do you see it?
Do you see it?
Oh, my God.
I've never really had a friend quite like Simon before.
Someone with such a vibrant personality.
Someone who loves canned beefaroni so much.
Seriously, it's a little concerning.
We got beefaroni on the fucking curtain.
Beefaronis everywhere.
Look, it's on this.
It's on that.
It's on that.
In case that beefaroni hits later.
You'll see me back there.
But yeah, Simon really just is the type of friend you can talk to about anything and everything.
Half the things I'm telling you now I would have never fucking told you when we first started this trip.
No, no.
How do you feel right now?
So happy.
A bit scared because it's a little sketch.
It's definitely a little sketch up here, but worth it.
This past year has shown me, through meeting people like you and all my new friends, that Maybe success is more in the people that you surround yourself with, rather than those metric goals.
Yes, we have these really pretty views and everything, but...
It's literally those moments that we have where none of that matters.
That's something I've taken away from this.
It's about the people, not about how pretty the place is or where we're going.
Before our adventure together, I used to question a lot.
I know you might not have even had all the answers yourself, but I've learned a lot from you.
Now I understand everything a little better.
I think you helped me remember just how beautiful life can really be.
So me and Simon just pulled up to the final spot of this trip.
This is the last night we have together on the road, but I think we are definitely making the most out of it.
So thank you, Simon.
Thank you for everything.
Thank you for helping me find the beauty in all of life's apparent disasters.
Thank you for getting me back out into the world and showing me that I don't deserve to spend the rest of my life alone in my room.
It's been a great adventure with you and I've learned a lot.
I think you showed me the importance of human connection.
But most importantly, you showed me what it means to trust again.
I feel so full.
I love you so much, dude.
Thank you for having me.
I love you.
Thank you.
That was insane.
Taught me how to find beauty in life's apparent disasters.
Most importantly, Oh, my God.
You showed me what it means to trust again.
Oh, my God.
Dude, I love you.
I love you so much.
I need to get this shot.
This is my shot.
This is my shot.
Got my cinematographer, Natalie.
I'm nothing more than a tripod.
Nothing more.
Oh, this is going up my ass.
Yeah, this is going up my ass.
I think I was supposed to get an outfit for it, too.
That's the sad part.
I just have this nude baby.
Neglective mother.
Wow.
This spot is perfect.
This spot is insane.
Look at the view of this Chevy.
Actually, wait.
Why are we doing this?
Why?
No one comes back. from the laundromat just to smell their clothes.
