People don't realize is that when you have a dream or a gift, a product, a service, a message that you want to create and share with others, if you don't actually bring that thing to life and do everything in your power to share it, you are stealing from those who need you most.
Why?
Because there never has been and there never will be another you.
Your genius is unique and your DNA is unrepeatable.
And if you don't do everything you can to To follow those dreams and to share your gifts with others, the world will have lost something truly irreplaceable, which is you.
Hey guys, how you doing?
Hope you're having a good week so far.
My name is Dr. Rangan Chatterjee, and this is my podcast, Feel Better, Live More.
What is holding you back in life at the moment?
Is there a problem, be it practical or emotional, to do with your health relationships work, finance or anything else that seems insurmountable?
Whatever your struggle, my guest on this week's podcast believes that the solution is already within you.
That you have what it takes to transform or transcend any challenge you face.
She's Marie Forleo, a US entrepreneur writer, philanthropist and, above all, an unshakable optimist.
I caught up with Marie recently on the London leg of her promotional tour for her brand new book Everything is Figureoutable.
The title is quite a promise, but after listening to what she has to say, I think you'll be inspired to think in the same way.
We discussed perfectionism and why comparing ourselves unfavorably to others, which is so common in this age of social media, can really threaten our creativity.
We also discuss the truth about excuses, the liberating difference between can't and won't, and why a growth mindset is preferable to a fixed mindset if we want to make changes in our lives.
Whatever it is that you want from life.
I think Marie's strategies will shift you into a more positive mindset and help you take action.
This is a really energising and inspiring conversation.
I really hope that you enjoy it.
Now, on to today's conversation.
So Marie, welcome to the Feel Better Live More podcast.
I'm so excited to be here.
Thanks for having me on.
Hey, not at all.
Look, you have been on a grueling tour, I think, so far.
Is that fair to say?
I would say it's intense.
I haven't experienced it as grueling, although I will admit that I was definitely nervous, because I've never done this before.
And we did eight cities in two weeks in the States.
And I've been here in London for about five days now.
And every day has been full of press.
So it's intense, for sure.
Enjoyable?
Totally.
I mean, this is so fun for me.
The idea behind the book, Everything is Figureoutable, is something that I so believe in deeply.
And I'm so excited to get out to people.
So the actual doing of that and talking with different folks and doing podcasts like this, it's such an honor.
And it's really, really fun.
Marie, I think...
You know, even this whole message that you're out on tour, it's busy, you're rushing around from country to country, yet you still got this energy and this spark about you.
And I think that very much is in keeping with what the book is about, right?
Yeah.
And I think you know, when it comes to burnout and exhaustion, so much of that isn't necessarily about the quantity of work.
It's about the quality of work, because I think it's a lot easier to get burned out and to feel exhausted if you don't really believe in what you're doing, if it's not really rooted in something you care deeply about or it's not rooted in a sense of contribution.
I've certainly seen that in my own life.
If I've been pushing myself too hard and I'm just kind of grinding through, chances are I don't really believe in it as much as perhaps other things like, for example, this book.
So we're at the tour piece right now, which is almost like the end of it to a certain degree, because writing the book was really intense, and then getting it to the final stages and then the actual launch of it.
You know I don't know if you know this, but I had this wild idea to launch the book in a very unique way.
I had a dream.
I said, imagine if a Beyonce concert and a TED Talk had a baby, then through a block party.
And it sounded like the funnest thing ever, but it was also really scary and intimidating.
And it took us months to pull this off.
And we did it back in September in New York City.
We had almost 2000 people come in.
And I'm telling you that story because it was probably one of the most demanding things that I've done in a really long time in terms of how early I had to wake up, how much I had to use my brain and my body and then keep everything else going.
And yeah, you know I slept really good at night but I wasn't burned out because I believed in the project so much.
Yeah.
I think that is so.
It's such a powerful message to people because a lot of the time you know, as a doctor I see fatigue a lot of the time
And, you know, fatigue is not always that we're doing too much.
It's often that we're not doing enough of the things that make us feel alive.
That's right.
And right in your introduction.
Actually, you put a statistic there which jumped out to me when I saw it, which was less than a third of US employees are actively engaged at work.
Yes, that's a trend that's continued for years now.
The Gallup polls show that.
And when you think about the economic and the spiritual and the psychological repercussions of over 70 of again, Americans feeling some level of disengagement, meaning dissatisfaction with how they're spending the vast majority of their waking hours, it's tragic.
And you just think about all of the potentiality that's being missed because people aren't happy at work and spending eight to 10 hours a day in that state chronically, month after month, year after year, you start to understand why people are unhappy.
Later in the book we talk about the fact that There's over 300 million people around the world currently that suffer from depression, which is one of the leading causes of disability.
In the United States, suicide rates are at a 30-year high.
So I think collectively, we're in a lot of pain in different ways.
But I'm hopeful because I've seen throughout my own life and I've seen throughout my own work and doing what I do for the past 20 years.
We humans are incredibly resilient.
And we absolutely have the power to change these things.
And that's why I'm excited to talk about this idea.
Everything is figureoutable, because I certainly don't pretend to have all the answers.
But I think the philosophy and the tools and the strategies that we share in the book help people find or create their own.
Yeah, 100%.
I've got to say, Marie, it is a fantastic book.
Thank you.
You know, if you had a look at my advanced copy that I've got, there's scribbles on pretty much every page.
There are so many little nuggets of wisdom.
And I think for me, What I love about it is this is a, I think it's a deceptively simple framework.
It's deceptively simple because it is so powerful and it works.
Whether you want to, you know change your business, be more productive in business, whether you want to improve your health, whether you feel a little bit stuck in your life, wherever it is.
I think that whole idea that everything is figureoutable is very, very powerful.
It's a great tool.
It's a great saying to live your life by.
Yes.
I think, before we dive into some of these practical tools, of which there are many.
Where does that phrase come from?
So we got to take it back to New Jersey to my mom who gets all the credit for this.
So my mom is this amazing character.
She's about 5'3".
She has got the tenacity of a bulldog.
She looks like June Cleaver and she curses like a truck driver.
So she's this fantastic character.
And she grew up the daughter of two alcoholic parents and she really learned by necessity how to stretch a dollar bill around the block.
And when I was a young girl, one of my fondest memories was sitting at the kitchen table with my mom on Sundays clipping out coupons, because she loved to teach me all the ways that our family could save money.
She also taught me about the fact that brands would send you cool free things, like maybe a recipe book or cooking utensils, if you saved up your proofs of purchase.
I don't know if your family ever did that.
Yeah, back in the day.
Back in the day, that's right.
It's an old school thing.
So one of my mom's most prized possessions was this tiny little transistor radio that she got from Tropicana Orange Juice for free.
So it was shaped like an orange, had a red and white straw sticking out of the side.
That's the antennae.
And my mom's one of those humans who's always busy.
She's always doing something.
And I remember as a kid the way to find my mom somewhere around the yard or somewhere around the house was listening for the sound of that tinny little radio.
So one day I come home from school and I hear the radio playing off in the distance.
And I got closer to the house.
I realized the sound was coming from up above.
And I look up and I see my mom perched precariously on the roof of our two story house, which was frightening.
I was like, mom, are you okay?
What are you doing up there?
And she yelled back.
She's like, Ray, I'm fine.
No big deal.
The roof had a leak.
I called the roofer.
He said it was going to be at least 500 bucks.
I said, screw that.
I'm.
I come home from school another day and I hear the little radio coming from the back of the house.
And I walked to the back of the house and turns out my mom's in the bathroom and I push open the door and there's like dust particles in the air and there's pipes sticking out of the wall.
It looked like an explosion went off.
And I was like, mom, are you okay?
What's going on?
She said, oh, I'm fine.
You know the bathroom tiles.
There were some cracks in it and I didn't want the bathroom to get moldy.
So I'm retiling the entire bathroom.
Now you gotta get, my mom is high school educated and this is the 80s.
So this is a pre-internet, pre-Google, pre-YouTube world.
She could not look up tutorials on how to do this stuff.
So one day it was actually the fall and I was coming home late from school and it was already dark out, which was eerie.
And I approached my house and the house is completely dark and it's silent which, for an Italian American home, not a good sign.
I walk inside and I felt that pit in my stomach that you have when you're a little kid and you kind of sense something is wrong or something's off.
And I'm thinking to myself, like, where's my mom?
Where's the sound of the radio?
And all of a sudden I hear these clicks and clacks coming from the kitchen.
And I follow that sound and I see my mom hunched over the kitchen table which looked like an operating room.
There was screwdrivers, there was electrical tape.
And then in about a dozen little pieces was a completely dismantled Tropicana Orange radio.
And I was like, mom, are you okay?
This is like your favorite thing.
She said, oh, Reed, no big deal.
She said, I'm just fixing it.
You know, the antenna was off.
The dial was a little broken.
And so I'm putting it back together.
And I stood there watching her work her magic for a second.
And I finally thought to ask the important question, which was this.
Hey mom, how do you know how to do so many different things that you've never done before?
But nobody's shown you how to do it?
And she put down her screwdriver and she cocked her head to the side and she looked at me and she said Ray, what are you talking about?
This is no big deal.
Nothing in life is that complicated.
If you roll up your sleeves, you get in there and you do it.
Everything is figureoutable.
And I was like, whoa, like it was so just powerful.
And you know, you have those moments in life where you hear something and everything clicks.
And I started repeating that phrase to myself and Her and my dad really modeled throughout my childhood just that when there is something wrong, you just dive straight in.
And that phrase has really been the single most powerful driving force of my entire life and my entire career.
When I was in high school, I used it to get out of this toxic and physically abusive relationship.
When I was in college, I used this phrase to help myself get these rare work study positions so that I could actually pay for school.
I'm the first in my family to go to college.
Then after I graduated.
It's helped me get every single job I've ever had, from working on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange to publishing with Condé Nast, to selling glow sticks at nightclubs, to becoming one of the world's first elite Nike dance athletes, despite having no formal dance training.
And then, of course, to building the business.
I started at 23.
I didn't have investors.
I didn't have a clue.
I was full of self-doubt, tons of debt, and then building it into what we had today.
So I will say this.
There is not a single day that goes by that I still don't use.
Not only that phrase, but the other things that we talk about in the book.
Yeah, wow.
Super powerful story.
Amazing what our mothers can teach us, right?
That's right.
And what's coming to my mind as you tell that story is did you know, then and there, how powerful that phrase was?
Or did you hear it and you thought, yeah, okay, I kind of get that.
That's a bit of wisdom from my mom.
And then did you go through life not thinking about that?
Was there one particular incident where you remember thinking, oh, my God, I get it now.
That's what mom was talking about.
I think it was a little bit of a combination.
I think I really like saw her doing her thing with the Tropicana Orange Radio.
And the thing that was striking to me about that particular example was again, my mom is not an engineer, or she just was fearless about going in.
So I think I got it then.
But throughout, you know, becoming a young adult and going through college, I kept revisiting that.
And every time I would activate that idea, meaning like, I'm going to try and figure this out.
I'm going to find a solution.
I'm going to be creative and not stop until I find some way to resolve this.
I kept building up proof for myself that this was a real thing, that this worked.
And so I think it was a little bit of a combination, like a dance, between forgetting it, remembering it, activating it and then building up this spiral of confidence as I got into adulthood.
Yeah.
And that makes sense, doesn't it?
I guess it's not a straight line to sort of hearing something or having an idea and actually get into where you want to get to.
But if up and down, right?
What you have achieved is simply incredible.
And I guess it would be good to understand at some point if people are listening to this and they think Marie, I get it for you.
It sounds that, you know, there is limitless possibility.
You have this hugely successful business.
You've got your YouTube show, MarieTV.
You're inspiring, you know, probably millions of people around the world.
You know, I'm not like you.
My life isn't like that.
I'm stuck.
I don't have the same opportunity.
What would you say to them?
Well, a couple of things.
One, um, I certainly didn't wake up like this to use a Beyonce phrase.
Uh, you know, I've been doing what I've been doing for 20 years and I started off, like all of us do, not having a clue, feeling tremendous amounts of self doubt.
When I was 23 and started my business, I was piles and piles of debt.
And I felt honestly really um, Just kind of embarrassed because, you know, in my mind I thought in order to be a successful business owner, you have to have an MBA.
You have to have all of this kind of these advanced degrees and this pedigree and all this education.
And I had none of that.
And I had to build it from the ground up.
And because I was young when I started, I was also really insecure around my age, meaning.
Who's going to take me seriously?
You know, especially in the realm.
And I even hate the term life coach.
It's really it's not for me and not that it's bad for anyone else.
It's just not something I identify with.
But in the world of supporting people, I was like who the hell is going to hire a 23 year old life coach?
Like, this sounds nuts.
So for anyone that's watching right now going like yeah, this is OK for you, but it wouldn't work for me.
I don't have whether it's the advantages, or look like you look like, or come from where you come from.
There's a couple of things I'd share.
In the book itself, we have stories from dozens of people who I've never met, from all walks of life, all ages, all backgrounds, who have used this simple phrase everything is figureoutable to create massive change in their own lives.
And not just on stuff that is forward moving in terms of building a business or reshaping your health or getting out of debt.
I mean we have stories of folks that have faced some of the hardest, most difficult truths in their lives, like dealing with grief and loss and Getting through trauma and addiction.
And, you know, I'll tell you one quick story.
When I first shared this idea on a platform outside of my own, it was with Oprah, and she had a one day event called Super Soul Sessions.
And I was one of nine speakers.
And so I talked about everything was figureoutable for the first time.
And after that talk went out into the interwebs universe.
I started getting letters from people who heard the phrase and started using it.
And one letter came from a woman named Jen.
And Jen said this, Marie, I really loved your Oprah talk.
This was an idea that my mom had been trying to teach me.
In fact, we loved it so much.
We sat down and watched it together.
And then suddenly everything changed.
My beautiful mom, who's like my best friend, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
And suddenly nothing seemed figureoutable.
She said, but when I took a step back and looked more deeply, here's what I figured out.
I could figure out how to get nursing care for my mom who lived in a rural area.
I could figure out how to find foods that she could actually tolerate.
And this was the big one for Jen.
She said, I could figure out how to get medical equipment so my mom could spend her last days.
And, in fact, her last five weeks on earth, exactly where she wanted to be, which was in her own home.
So Jen said, You know, I can say without a doubt that everything really is figureoutable.
And thank you for sharing this tiny phrase that made such a big difference in these two women's lives.
They're from New Zealand.
And I share that to say that this phrase is simple, but it can help us in our most challenging days.
And then in terms of privilege or advantage, if we want to have that conversation like I'm very clear.
As a white woman born in the United States, I've won what Warren Buffett calls the ovarian lottery.
Meaning?
By no effort of my own, I was born into a family and into a country that I had a roof over my head.
I had food on the table and I had access to education and health care, which are things that millions of people still don't have access to.
So in that regard, I understand my place in this world.
And here's what else is true.
In this book, I tell stories of other humans that are far more compelling and diverse than my own.
So, for anyone listening, I would just say this to you that I respect you and I respect and appreciate our differences.
And while I don't know the specific details of your history or your hardship, here's what I do know.
You as a human being, your power is immense and your potential is limitless.
And you have what it takes within you right now to transform or transcend any challenge that you face.
That's my belief.
That's what I'm standing by.
That's what we talk about in the book.
And we have so many examples that embody that truth.
Yeah, it really is inspiring.
And I would absolutely echo that.
There are some really amazing stories in the book about people who are using this philosophy, if you will, to get them through life and make significant change.
And I've been a practicing doctor now for nearly 20 years.
And one thing I have seen with people time and time again is when people feel that they've got no agency over what happens to them.
They've got no control over their illness or how things are going to progress in their health.
It's very disempowering.
It's very demoralizing.
And I found that often the best thing I can give people A is to listen to them without judgment, but B is to help them understand what they can control and the things that they can do.
And I see a real similarity in your philosophy, because What you're saying, I think, in this book one of the clear messages is that there is no problem out there that cannot be overcome.
And you're.
You very openly say at one point you know, maybe I can't prove this to you with scientific papers, but actually it's so beautifully written.
And it's this whole idea that actually, but whether I can prove it to you or not, here are some examples.
This is what I truly believe.
And if you don't believe me, And you don't want to follow this.
Well, what kind of life do you live without this?
Yes.
And I will say this.
So I love that you brought this up because, for anyone who's skeptical or cynical, first of all, I welcome that because we should think critically about whatever we're consuming and whatever idea or philosophy we might want to experiment with.
You know, when I was writing the book, I actually went to brunch with a few friends, and one of my friends brought her 10-year-old son.
And they were asking me, Marie, what are you working on next?
What's your next project?
And I said, I'm working on a book.
What's the title?
I said, everything is figureoutable.
And the 10-year-old said, no, it's not.
Nope.
No, it's not.
And I said oh, this is awesome because I will meet more of this when I meet more people out in the world.
Tell me more.
What's not figureoutable?
And he said, well, we human beings can't grow working wings out of our back and fly away.
And I said, well, that may be true as of this moment in time.
However, you know that we human beings can indeed fly.
And he was like, oh.
I guess you're right.
He's like, well, I can't bring my dog back from the dead.
And I said, well, that may be true at this moment.
However, scientists are working on cryogenics and there have been people that have been cloning their dogs.
And he was like, oh, I guess you're right.
So a few more conversations like that inspired me to actually create a little set of rules.
A allows us to use this phrase and philosophy for its intended purpose, which is to help us reawaken our own power and strength and agency, and then use that power and strength to change our lives and create meaningful change around us.
So here are the three rules of the figureoutable philosophy, right?
Yeah.
Rule number one, all problems or dreams are figureoutable.
Rule number two, if a problem isn't figureoutable, It isn't a problem.
It's a fact of life.
Death, gravity, certain laws of nature.
Rule number three you may not care enough to solve this particular problem or reach this particular dream, and that's okay.
Find something you do care deeply about and go back to rule number one.
You know, when I was working on the book, I love including great inspiring quotes.
And I found one.
There are a ton of inspiring quotes in this book.
There's like 70.
I think we counted it up.
And we've researched all of them.
You know, they are true.
They are who said, you know, whoever we said, said them, actually said them.
And there's one from a British quantum theorist named David Deutsch.
He wrote this phenomenal book called The Beginning of Infinity.
It's a mind bender.
He has this great quote which says Everything that is not forbidden by the laws of nature is achievable given the right knowledge.
And here's what I would say because, after having conversations about the book, especially from a scientific perspective, I do want to share this.
Just because something hasn't been figured out as of now doesn't mean that intrinsically or scientifically it's not figureoutable, just that it hasn't been figured out yet.
So, for example, 100 years ago, having a human being walk on the moon right hadn't been figured out yet.
Fast forward to 1969 and we human beings collectively figured that out.
I'm sure you have tons of examples from the world of medicine.
Yeah, loads.
Endless.
But the one that comes to my head is I remember my parents are immigrants from India to the UK.
And I remember as a kid, like whenever my parents want to speak to their parents in Calcutta in India, it'd be this big event.
Like you know, In India they would know what time to be at the phone box.
We would know what time we were calling.
Everyone would be ready for this big sort of weekly phone call or two weekly phone call.
And now anyone's got an iPhone and can go and FaceTime someone.
So even in the space of, what, 15 years, communication has dramatically changed, right?
That's right.
So anything that hasn't been figured out yet, and that's why this becomes so fun and exciting.
And if we think about it even in a broader sense, For anyone to say well no, not everything is figureoutable.
We would never have any advances in science or in medicine or the humanities, or arts or sports or anything.
So again, coming back to your point, it's like you don't have to necessarily take my word for it or a quantum theorist's word or anyone's word, but I would invite people to try it before you deny it.
Try it before you deny it.
Just experiment, play and see if this phrase and philosophy doesn't help you become more creative, more action oriented and find solutions to the things that are really troubling you.
Yeah Marie, I would just say to people listening, whatever you're trying to achieve in your life at the moment, I genuinely think that by adopting the philosophy in your book you're going to, You're going to feel more optimistic.
You're going to feel that you've got a framework.
You're going to feel as though actually you can achieve it.
There are steps that you can take to get there.
That's right.
And it's probably not going to happen overnight.
And the other thing I want to share about this idea, this isn't about being a Pollyanna.
It's not about sugarcoating reality.
And it's certainly not about a quick fix.
That is for sure.
The more challenging our challenges.
The problem is, or the dream is it's going to take time and it's going to take hard work and you might fall on your face And you might scrape your knees.
We all do.
And that's OK.
But ultimately, you are going to find a way to transform or transcend any challenge you face.
For sure.
Now, on the subject of these amazing quotes.
Yes.
And I've circled so many of them.
The one I thought I'd love to talk about is this whole idea about perfectionism.
Yes.
Now, this is, you know, this is something many of us struggle from.
I certainly... Hand raised.
Yeah, absolutely.
And I'd like to say, I'd like to admit that I am a former perfectionist.
It's something I've worked really hard on to sort of, you know, just stamp out on me bit by bit.
And I feel that even this podcast, I guess, was a lesson in not being a perfectionist.
You know, when I started it, I had an idea, I had a concept.
I didn't have a logo.
I didn't have the proper equipment, you know, and it just...
I thought, oh, forget it.
If I wait for all of those things to happen and have the perfect logo and everything, it's never going to get off the ground.
Let's just start.
And it's exploded in popularity without even waiting for perfectionism.
So I think it is something that holds a lot of us back, particularly in this era of social media.
And we can maybe touch on that and why that might be.
But the quotes that I love is, I don't know who said it.
I'm sure you may remember off the top of your head, but it's perfectionism, is self-abuse of the highest order.
Yes, I don't know, but we do have it in the book and we can certainly look it up.
But isn't that a great quote?
Oh man.
You feel it, right?
I just sat there thinking about it for a few minutes, really trying to reflect on it.
So you do feel it.
Why do you think perfectionism is? is what many of us strive for.
And why did you keep that quote in the book?
Today's episode is sponsored by AG1, a daily health drink that has been in my own life for over seven years.
The relationship between diet, mood and overall well-being becomes especially relevant during winter.
More people are paying attention to how nutrition can impact how they feel, both mentally and physically.
AG1 is a daily health drink that supports digestion and contains five strains of gut bacteria, carrying compelling research on the enrichment of our microbiomes.
Now, AG1 is a company who is committed to updating its formula as the scientific research evolves.
And the latest upgrade includes five strains of bacteria, up from two in the previous version.
These strains were tested in three clinical trials and shown to enrich the gut microbiome by increasing beneficial bacteria on average up to tenfold.
That means the bacteria in AG1 not only survive digestion, they enrich the microbiome as well.
AG1 also contains a variety of plant-based compounds and botanicals, such as spirulina, corella and artichoke, that act as food sources for beneficial bacteria, which makes AG1 a smart addition for anyone interested in how daily nutrition can influence our gut health.
For a limited time only.
Get a free AG1 flavor sampler and AGZ sampler to try all the flavors, plus free vitamin D3 and K2 and AG1 welcome kit with your first AG1 subscription order.
That's $87 in free gifts for first-time subscribers.
See all details at drinkag1.com. forward slash live more.
Well, first of all, I think that many of us have high standards, you know, and we want to get things right.
I think sometimes it comes from somewhat of a good place, of wanting to do our very best, of wanting to put out an amazing product.
But I think where you know, high standards are healthy, where perfectionism is not, I think it bleeds over into a form of self-abuse and the fear that we're not good enough and that we will never be good enough.
And that usually is connected to some form of comparison, of comparing ourselves to other people, perhaps to people we admire, to people that we see on social media, to some ideal we also have in our head of who we should be, who we think we should be.
The quote unquote perfect version.
And that's where it bleeds over into a really self-destructive and painful place.
You know, perfectionism can keep us spinning our wheels.
But in the extreme versions of it it's actually tied to some pretty serious mental health issues and eating disorders.
There was a study done that we talk about in the book, where the folks who there was a group of folks who had taken their own lives and researchers went and interviewed their family and friends and over half of those interviews
They describe the person who's no longer with us as a perfectionist.
And so we know in the extreme, that's where it can go.
And I think the fix is one to understand that you don't have to be that way forever.
And two, it's a simple mantra that can make a huge difference.
And it goes like this.
We strive for progress, not perfection.
You know, perfection is a thing that I don't think can ever be achieved.
And again, here's what's awesome about what we talk about in the book and what we're suggesting right now.
You can still have high standards.
You can absolutely go for excellence.
But when you focus on progress, not perfection, the quality of your work increases because you're actually producing more.
And the metric through which you're measuring yourself is not that I get this perfectly right is did I put something out there?
Did I learn?
Did I grow?
Am I taking any step forward, even if it's just a little?
And here's what's cool.
Progress doesn't always look like a straight line going up.
Sometimes, when you make a flop or you fail or you fall down and scrape your knees, that's also progress, because there was some type of growth in there.
There was some opportunity to gain experience or to learn what not to do, which also moves you ahead.
Yeah.
I mean, it's got so much relevance to whatever people are trying to change.
I know people do your, it's B school, isn't it?
Yeah.
Online business school for modern entrepreneurs who want to make money and make a difference.
Yeah.
But the same principles, what excites me is the same principles apply to any change in life, right?
They're not, they're universal truths.
Of course, especially if we think about it in terms of our health.
You know, we don't necessarily have to eat perfectly every single day.
Most humans can't.
You don't have to necessarily, you know, I'm a big proponent of meditation.
It has radically changed my life.
I don't meditate every single day.
I'm not perfect at that, but I still get the benefits from it because I'm consistent enough to see it and I'm always striving for a little bit more growth.
And so I can be kind to myself in that respect.
And anything that I am looking to expand in terms of my skillset, my ability to be accomplished in a certain area.
I'm always just looking for progress, not perfection, even as it relates to this book.
I could hear the voice in my mind when I was first starting to craft the book and write it.
I was like, oh, this is crap.
No one's going to want to read this.
I could hear that perfectionist's voice.
Why isn't it just pouring out of me?
And I had to keep coming back to the same mantra.
I use all of these tips every single day of going, no, Marie, just write this paragraph today.
And this is the first, forgive my French, but shitty first draft.
And it'll get better as you refine it and as you edit it.
And that is the truth.
So I think just progress, not perfection.
If you repeat that to yourself often, you will find the perfectionism melting away and find your place in a really exciting state of continual growth and expansion.
Yeah, for sure.
We're on the subjects of growth.
You talk about fixed mindset versus a growth mindset.
Yes, Carol Dweck's work.
Love it.
So I think mindsets, when people are trying to make change, mindset is clearly very important.
And I just wonder if you could expand a little bit on why you think it's so important to have the right mindset.
And if people don't have the right mindsets, can they change it?
Yeah.
Well, first of all, let's just give a huge shout out to the book Mindset and Carol Dweck's work.
And if you haven't read that, I really recommend it for everyone.
I think it's just a just such a transformative concept.
We mentioned that in the progress, not perfection chapter because it is so good.
So you know, a fixed mindset, just for folks that aren't familiar, is when you believe that whatever talents abilities, strengths or skills that you were born with, that's it.
Like you've either got it or you don't.
And no amount of hard work, no amount of effort, no amount of training is going to make you better.
It's just, again, you've either got it or you don't.
And it's a very toxic mindset.
It's a very limiting mindset.
You kind of operate from this place of scarcity, from competition.
It's just a lot of toxic behavior, thinking and outcomes.
A growth mindset, on the other hand, is when you understand that whatever you were born with in terms of talents gifts, abilities or skills
That's just a starting block.
And you can absolutely grow and improve and become better over time through effort and through dedication, and through failure.
So you actually embrace challenges.
You don't shy away from them.
You look for opportunities to kind of test your skills and maybe even scrape your knees, because you know I'm going to learn something and that's how I'm going to grow.
So that's really kind of the core difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.
And so I think, when it comes to learning anything new or changing our lives, 80 to 90 of the game is mindset.
Because if you don't believe that it's possible to change, you won't.
If you do believe that it's possible to change, That's, again, 80% to 90% of it.
The mechanics of any change, of regaining your health, of starting a business, of getting a relationship back on track, of feeling better in your day-to-day life.
I don't think the how-tos, quite honestly, are that complicated.
They're usually not.
In some rare instances, absolutely yes, there are some things that again, as a society and collectively, we still have a some profound changes in your personal life on a day-to-day basis.
We know what to do.
You just have to believe that it's possible and then have the follow-up and the follow-through to see it happen.
Yeah, for sure.
Has the internet and this social media world in which we live in.
I wonder how much, in many ways, it's been empowering to see what is possible.
Sure.
But I think on the flip side it's probably made things like perfectionism and the toxicity of comparison.
And you know you talk about this fixed mindset, where you operate from a place of jealousy and competition.
In some ways, it's made it worse, I think.
And do you think that this, let's say you'd released this book 30 years ago, pre-internet, of course, the tips and tools would have been just as valid, I'm sure.
But do you think there's something incredibly powerful about it today, in the 21st century, that in the era of technology, when every day we can see what our friends and what people around us are achieving amazing things, our daily life can never ever, live up to the highlights of someone else's Instagram reel?
Yeah.
Well, so let's talk about comparison for a moment because I think comparison is creative kryptonite.
You are never going to come out feeling good when you compare yourself to others.
It's always a losing proposition.
So that's one thing to recognize.
You know, when I was in college, I was a party girl and I liked to party a lot.
And I used to go to the bar and drink this awful liqueur.
It was called Goldschlager.
It was flavored like cinnamon and it had these gold flakes inside.
Terrible stuff.
And I remember just drinking way too much of it one night and just completely thrown up in the bush.
And the reason I say that is because, you know, having a Goldschlager hangover was horrible.
You just felt so sick for days.
These days people do shots of compare schlager online on their Instagram feed or floating around the Internet or wherever it is that they kind of consume all of that comparison and doing shots of compare schlager.
And then for days, if not weeks, they're off their game.
They're not really creating.
They're not in rooted in their own gifts and talents and the difference that they want to make.
They're like trying to bounce off what someone else does and thinking through their own life in terms of how they're measuring up or not with people around them, which again completely takes you off track.
So I think that it's important to recognize how you feel after you engage with your phone, whether you do it through blogs, social media, whatever your kind of poison is that you like to go to.
And then I would invite people to just stop.
You don't have to pick up your phone.
You don't have to scroll through the social feeds.
And if you find yourself being lost in a comparison logger hangover, you have the ability to end it.
You really, really do.
Um, I would say that choose some people that really help you to feel inspired.
And then most importantly, spend the vast majority of time creating, not consuming.
It's actually one of the things we talk about in the book.
And I've shared this with people.
One of the best habits you can build is to create before you consume.
So, rather than wake up in the morning and and scroll your feeds or take in your email or look at the news, create a stronger mind through meditation, or start writing the next chapter of your book or get a workout in like create a stronger body, rather than just consuming passively the work of others.
And if you just build that habit, in anytime you're gonna go to consume something.
Is there anything you'd like to create first?
And if the answer is yes, Do that and you'll see.
Before you know it, the ratio will shift where you're creating a lot more than you're consuming, and then comparison becomes a thing of the past.
Like I'm too busy right now to be really honest with you.
This is something I've seen from this whole book process.
The periods in my career where I have either felt like crap or I've gotten a little bit off track is probably because I wasn't busy enough and I'm spending a little bit too much time looking at what other people are doing.
The past, I would say, my goodness, 18 months or so has been all so, all consuming when it comes to this book and the promotion and the Beyonce TED Talk block party thing.
And now the tour.
I have no time to compare myself to others.
And guess what?
I don't I there's more than enough to go around.
So I bless everybody in their success.
But I am so fulfilled and happy because I'm doing what I'm meant to be doing and I'm not consuming the work of others.
Yeah, I guess the flip side is.
A budding author may look at you and go wow, she's written an incredible book.
She's hit number one on the New York Times bestseller list.
She's on this global tour.
What is the point of me trying to write a book when actually Marie's done it all?
She said everything that I would have said.
Let's talk about that.
I really appreciate you sharing your story.
I think that's amazing.
You are busy.
You're living your dream.
You're living your purpose, right?
But what about the person who's watching you who isn't and they're getting fatigued by it and it's actually putting them off?
Yeah, absolutely.
So two things there.
One.
The only way that I got here was because I've worked my butt off on creating for the last two decades.
So I absolutely, first of all, I'm a lifelong learner.
So I'm always reading books and I am consuming things, but I've more recently gotten the ratio right.
Does that make sense?
So there's a lot more creation than there is consumption.
And then you don't feel that comparison nearly as much.
You just get inspired by people, which further fuels your work.
So it's a healthy cycle.
So that's number one.
Number two, whenever anyone says like, what do I have to offer?
Everything's been said before.
Everything's been done before.
All of these other people who are so much more experienced or accomplished.
They've already got it in the bag.
There's no room for me.
Here's what I would say to you.
Think back to Oprah in her early days.
What if she said to herself you know this Phil Donahue guy who's got all these talk shows.
He's really got it covered.
There's really no room for me.
There's no, why should I do this?
He's already done it all.
Or think about, let's say Beyonce, right?
Can you imagine her just going and looking out in the music landscape and going, you know what?
There's already enough pop stars.
There's just all the world ever needs.
Why am I going to sing my songs and dance my dances and add my voice to it?
It's all been done before.
I think about this in a really small and acute way.
So I love Eggplant Parmesan.
And I have a particular restaurant in New York City.
It's a tiny mom and pop kind of shop.
It's called Peperoso.
And I often think about, like can you imagine when, whoever started Peperoso, they started it and they were kind of unsure?
They said, you know, it's New York City.
There's enough Italian restaurants.
There's more than enough eggplant parm.
We don't need to add our eggplant parm to the mix.
I would have missed out on so much eggplant parm goodness if they didn't add their voice and their creation to it.
And what people don't realize is that when you have a dream or gift, a product, a service, a message that you want to create and share with others, if you don't actually bring that thing to life and do everything in your power to share it, you are stealing from those who need you most.
Why?
Because there never has been and there never will be another you.
Your genius is unique and your DNA is unrepeatable.
And if you don't do everything you can to follow those dreams and to share your gifts with others, the world will have lost something truly irreplaceable, which is you.
Yeah.
I mean, it's such a powerful message, Marie.
And I really hope people are listening to that.
And because I do know a lot of people feel that way.
I've probably felt that way at various times in my life.
Absolutely.
Can I share one more thing about this?
And it's a quick story.
So on this lines of it's all been said or done before.
I remember when Josh and I first got together, first of all, I used to eat like crap.
You know, I was just.
I was working all of these part time jobs as bartending, waiting tables teaching, trying to get my coaching practice off the ground.
And Josh would go away to work on a television or film and he would come back to our apartment and my trash can would be filled with like empty cans of you know macaroni and cheese and Chef Boyardee and you know potato bag chips and you know all this kind of crap.
And he's like, Marie. you know, we should start juicing.
And he'd try and turn me onto all these supplements.
And how about more vegetables?
And I was like, whatever, man, you know, I don't have time for that.
It's too expensive.
It's too gross.
Like I was just making all the excuses.
So cut to.
A few years later, I met who is now my best friend in the whole world, a woman named Chris Carr.
She's an amazing wellness icon.
She's a cancer thriver.
She has all these New York Times bestselling books.
And anyway, when Chris and I became friends, she started introducing me to green juice and to all of these supplements.
And she gave me all these recipes for smoothies, yada, yada, yada.
So one day I come home and I tell Josh, I'm like hey Josh, I'm like you should see all these supplements that my new friend just recommended.
She wrote all these New York Times bestsellers.
And here's the juicer we should get, and here's the salads we should start making.
Like we should have done this years ago.
Understandably, Josh had a facepalm moment.
He's like, what are you talking about?
I've been trying to tell you the same exact thing for years.
But here's the point.
No matter how many times something has been said or done before.
Sometimes it takes that one person in their voice, at the right time, for it to actually make a difference.
And you who's listening right now, you are that someone for someone out there.
Yeah.
So it doesn't matter how many times things have been said before.
The world needs your voice.
Yeah, I love that.
And there's 7 billion people, at least in the world.
And growing every day.
And growing.
And clearly, many of us are in need of help in a whole variety of different ways, whether it's work, whether it's health.
So our voice is important to someone.
That's right.
And unless you put it out there, you're never going to find out who needs to hear that message.
So in many ways you're almost saying I don't want to put words in your mouth, but I guess in many ways it's an obligation on us in some ways.
A fun obligation.
A fun obligation, exactly.
An opportunity to make a difference.
Yeah, for sure.
And who doesn't want that, right?
A hundred percent.
You just said in that story that you were talking about you and Josh in the early days.
You said you were making excuses.
Yes.
And you have dedicated a whole chapter to excuses.
And I really like it.
And what I think that does.
Frankly, what I think the whole book does is It helps us all reframe the stories we tell ourselves.
And I'm not saying this with any judgment.
I also tell myself a lot of stories.
And if as humans, we have to, I guess the question is, what story do you want to tell yourself?
Is the story you're telling yourself going to get you to where you want to get to?
And so I wonder if we could dive into that excuses chapter and talk about stories and talk about excuses and how we can reframe them.
Yeah, a hundred percent.
So From the onset, I think the eliminated excuses chapter is one of my favorites.
It's one of the most powerful because there's so much freedom that is in that chapter.
So all of us make excuses.
I make excuses.
You make excuses.
Everyone listening makes excuses from time to time.
So this is nothing to feel bad about.
This is not about berating ourselves.
There's no need to feel shame.
It's just how it is.
Now, the way to break free from excuses, and the best way that I found, is to get really clear on two little words that can make a profound difference.
It's understanding the distinction between can't and won't, can't and won't.
So so many of us again I will raise my hand to this have said something like this throughout the course of our lives.
You know, I would really love to get stronger again and really get back to the gym and really use my body, but I can't because I'm too busy with work and the kids or I'm.
I would really love to take that design class.
I think it could open up a whole new career, but I can't take it.
It's too expensive.
Can't afford it.
Or, you know, I would really love to start that new nonprofit project.
I have all of these ideas for how to make a difference, but I can't get started because I don't know how.
Have you ever said anything like that to yourself before?
A version of that.
I certainly have.
But here's what's true.
99 of the time not 100, but 99 of the time when we human beings say that we can't do something.
Can't is a euphemism for won't.
And what does won't mean?
Won't means that we don't really want to, that we don't want to work that hard.
We don't want to make the sacrifice.
We don't want to be inconvenienced.
We don't want to take the risk.
Or we don't want to move around our other priorities in order to slot this thing in.
And for anyone who might be resistant and saying, wait, you don't know me.
You don't know my life.
I'd say, just hang on for a second.
If you consider how this idea might be true, even just a portion of the time.
I promise you will break free from so much of the self-deceptive crap that can hold all of us back.
And I would invite people to ask yourself has there ever been a time in your life when initially, you said oh, I can't because I don't have the money, or I can't because I don't have the time or I don't have the resources to do something?
Then you came across an opportunity or a situation that was so important to you that you busted right through your excuses and you found that money, or you found that time, or you moved heaven and earth and you made something happen that initially seems so far beyond your capabilities.
Have you ever done that?
A hundred percent.
Me too.
So many times.
So that is proof positive for ourselves that it really most of the time isn't can, it's won't.
And here's why the distinction between And the use of language is so important because when we humans use the word can't, we start to feel powerless and helpless as though our life is not our choice, how we're spending our time, how we're spending our energy. it's as though we're victims.
And that is not a beautiful or powerful place to create change from.
It's almost impossible.
Learned helplessness, right?
We know this from psychology.
On the other side, when we use the word won't, or we just say, you know what?
I don't want that right now.
That's not my priority.
I'm not willing to work that hard for this.
I don't want this bad enough.
When we just say that truth, even to ourselves, We feel empowered.
We feel at choice.
We feel like we have agency that we're in charge of how we're spending our time, our energy and our money.
And from that place, all miracles are possible.
So I would invite anyone listening if you want to play with this idea for yourself the next time you catch yourself saying or thinking I can't because I don't have the time or the money or the whatever.
Try replacing it with won't or I don't want to, and see if that feels more true.
And in that space, there's a lot of miracles that can happen.
Yeah, for sure.
And I really want to echo that.
The language we use to describe our life, to describe various situations, is so, so important.
You know, a very subtle shift, like you just mentioned, can bring a completely different meaning.
And actually the language we use day in, day out, that sort of permeates into our brain and our being, and it and how we define ourself comes from that language.
That's right.
And I just want to give people an example again, because if anyone is skeptical, they're like what are you talking about?
Let me tell you guys this.
So I know in my lifetime, if God willing, I'm on the planet long enough.
I have a goal of speaking fluent Italian.
I think the language is beautiful.
I visit the country often, but I don't speak it.
And I know that at this stage and season of my life, it's not that important to me.
So it's not that I can't learn Italian because I'm so busy on book tour or I'm so busy with my business.
That's not the truth.
The truth is I don't want it bad enough.
You know how I know that?
Because after I get done doing my work for the day even if I've had a 10 or 12 hour day and I have, let's say, a half hour left sometimes you know what I do with that half hour.
I sit with Josh and I watch a fun show on Netflix or I read a book or I play with my dog.
I'm not actually picking up my phone and learning new phrases in Italian, because it's not that important to me right now.
And I'm not beating myself up about that, but it gives me massive freedom.
So I don't have a conversation in my own mind going oh, you really could be learning Italian, but you can't because you don't have the time.
That's bullshit.
I don't want it bad enough.
Everything I do want bad enough, I'm actively working on.
I think that's a great message, isn't it, for people?
It's like, what have you said in your own life that you want to change?
Do you really want to change that?
Is it really a priority for you at this moment in time?
Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.
Maybe if you can use some memories tips to make you feel maybe differently, but maybe actually you know what.
You're a busy mom at the moment and you've got two kids to bring up.
And that's your priority and it should be.
And then you can release the guilt not to cut you off, but you can release that feeling that you're not winning at life because guess what?
You are winning at life and you're being the best mom possible.
And if you can find that self-compassion for yourself, ironically more energy and time and freedom opens up, and who knows what's possible from there.
Yeah.
And just to echo your previous point, when you're feeling like that and you are busy and you're doing an amazing job bringing up your children,
That's right.
Sometimes actually the whole social media comparison trap can be even more problematic then, because you're comparing, you know what do they say.
You're comparing your sort of page one to someone else's final chapter.
You know, you're at a different point in your life.
And it's not fair on yourself to compare yourself with other people who are on a different journey.
Everyone's on a different journey.
Every single person, every single person on this earth is on their own unique adventure.
And again, catch it.
The moment you compare, you lose.
The moment you compare, you lose.
So, as much as possible, enjoy your own life and bless other people wherever they're at honor their success, their challenges.
Be there, be there with compassion but, most importantly, stay rooted in your own path.
Yeah.
I remember you mentioned there are 70 brilliant quotes in your book.
I've got to say.
Your quote that I'm going to be posting and attributing to you is comparison is creative kryptonite.
I love it.
It just speaks to me on so many levels that you probably won't even realize, because it has been.
You know.
There are just so many things I can relate that to at various points in my life.
So thank you for that.
I think it's an amazing phrase.
Marie, they often say that authors write the books that they need to write for themselves.
And I want to sort of, I want to just push a little bit on this and see, you've obviously had a lot of experiences in your life.
You've applied these principles that you're now teaching the rest of the world through the book on yourself, which is You've shared ups and downs in your life, which I think is great, because it sort of takes away that feeling where people think oh, Marie's got it all figured out.
Not at all.
As you were writing it, with all your knowledge, and I appreciate you've interviewed some of the most successful and influential people on the planet.
On MarieTV, as you were writing it, I don't know have you started to apply any of the tools?
Have you started to look at any of the tools in a fresh way and started to apply them in your own life in a way that you possibly weren't doing before you sat down to write the book?
Well, here's what's awesome about this book. is that I feel like any big project is there to teach you a lesson.
So I kind of had this intuitive sense.
I was like, oh, I know this is going to be a tough one.
You know, I've been teaching about business for 10 years.
I started off teaching only about personal development.
And when you write a book about a big idea, especially a big, simple idea, we talked about that.
The phrase is very simple, right?
But simple doesn't necessarily mean easy.
And so, for me, part of the challenge was actually figuring out what to put in, what not to put in, and how to communicate what is not a linear journey in a way that it was comprehensible and that made sense, especially to people who have never been familiar with my work.
So I struggled a lot.
There was so much fear and self-doubt and crying in the corner.
And I thought, isn't this awesome?
I 100 percent believe that everything is figureoutable.
I know that in my bones to be true.
Yet I am having trouble figuring out how to write the book.
Everything is figureoutable.
So there were all of these meta lessons.
Am I good enough to write this?
Do I even know what I'm doing?
Is anyone going to even want to hear this?
Haven't they all heard this before?
So every single thing that I write about, I was also having that experience simultaneously.
Does that make sense?
So the book was like kicking my butt, which was it made me laugh and cry at the same time, because I'm like this is actually quite perfect.
And it's almost like a magnifying glass.
Anything you think you've figured out, it's like, hold on, we're going to ramp this up now.
Have you really figured it out?
Yes.
But here's what I love about this.
This is an ongoing practice.
So my position, you know, I am no sage from the stage.
I'm a guide on the side.
Everything that we talk about in the book, I use every single day.
So I still practice progress, not perfection.
I'm still starting before I'm ready.
I am still figuring things out day in and day out.
So for me, this is a very active living practice that I will tell you.
I'll be doing all of this stuff until my last day on earth.
For sure.
And when you decide actually, that it is the time in your life to learn Italian as at some point, no doubt you will you're going to have to use these principles.
That's right.
They always.
It's like a circular, beautiful process that keeps coming up anytime you grow and embrace a new adventure.
Um, Two big themes in your book for me, or these sort of I don't know if you'd call them rules or not, but these two sort of things you keep talking about are one, you are not a failure, and two, you are not broken.
Yes.
And I think it's such powerful messaging for people.
I see this in my clinic as a doctor all the time.
People may often not say that, but they often feel like that, and it's often...
It often keeps them locked in a cycle where they can't change because they don't believe actually that they deserve change or that actually change is available to them.
Sure.
So why is it you're so passionate about these two ideas?
Because I think they're incredibly transformative on a really fundamental level.
Today's episode is sponsored by The Way.
I have tried so many meditation apps over the years, but I've never come across one as good or as effective as The Way.
I've been using it most mornings for many months now and I absolutely love it.
I find it a fantastic way to start off each day and it has really helped me feel calmer, relaxed and more present.
In fact, I love this app so much that I recently decided to invest in the company and join them in their mission to get more people meditating.
I believe that more people meditating will help create a more compassionate world.
And, as the Dalai Lama himself said, if every eight-year-old in the world is taught meditation, we will eliminate violence from the world within one generation.
Meditation has been shown to have all kinds of benefits reducing stress, increasing calm, improving focus and, over time, has even been shown to result in positive structural changes in the brain in areas linked to memory, focus and emotional regulation.
But of course, you only get those benefits if you actually do it.
And that's one of the main reasons I love the way so much.
It makes it really easy to establish a meditation practice that sticks.
If you don't believe me, I would encourage you to give it a try and find out for yourself.
In fact, to help you do that the way are offering my podcast listeners an incredible 30 free meditation sessions to get you started with your practice.
So you can try it out and see if you like it completely free of charge.
To take advantage, all you have to do is go to thewayappcom forward slash, live more to get started and begin your journey towards peace, calm and purpose.
So if you're working from the perspective that you are broken and that something is wrong with you and it will always be wrong for you, it's a little bit like falling into that fixed mindset, as though whatever you were born with or whatever's happening right now is static, unchangeable.
There's no possibility.
Then we start to slip into helplessness and hopelessness.
Then that becomes a cycle of feeling really sad, possibly depressed, and there's all kinds of outcomes negative outcomes that we don't want to see happening from that whole strain, emotional being and thinking and believing.
On the flip side, if you start to experiment with the idea that perhaps there's nothing broken with you, maybe there's just some ideas or habits that you have that are simply unhelpful and that no one has ever shown you another possibility, all of a sudden things brighten up and you're like oh, could that be true?
Your mind starts to open up to new possibilities, to think in new ways.
You get curious.
You may want to learn.
You may want to start experimenting.
That starts to feel hopeful and creative and exciting.
And again, from that state, I think everything can change.
I remember someone who works on my team, a woman named Chelsea, and she's just miraculous.
I had talked about this idea that you are not broken in an earlier program that I did.
And she listened to the audio and she said Marie, I had to tell you, I listened to that in the car and I had to pull over.
It was so moving.
It changed everything for me.
And I don't know, if it wasn't for Chelsea really highlighting that in a piece of my earlier work, that it would have made it in this book.
And I'm really happy that it did because it's been something a number of people have commented on.
And I think it's true.
It's like look, our educational system doesn't teach us currently how to harness the power of our thoughts and our beliefs and the wisdom in our bodies in order to live lives that are filled with joy and fulfillment and meaning right.
I didn't learn that in grammar school.
I didn't learn that in high school.
I didn't learn it in college.
That's the whole reason that I do what I do.
Because when I started understanding all of these tools and principles, I was like whoa, why are we not teaching this?
Why did it take me until my 20s to start even exploring these things?
So I don't think any of us are broken.
I just think some of us haven't been exposed to ideas and tools and concepts that can help us live the lives that we want to lead.
Yeah, for sure.
And you tell that story and I'm immediately thinking about my own children, because I think the thing that worries me about schooling and the education system these days still is I don't think schools are teaching kids These kind of tools.
And I think they're the most important tools arguably, to lead that sort of happy productive, fulfilled life.
That ultimately, is what I think we're all after.
Yeah.
And I think also to empower ourselves and our kids with the tools to deal with challenge and adversity, to help them, because they're going to run into walls.
They're going to run into difficult people.
They're going to fail.
They're going to fall on their faces.
So that is a guarantee for all of us humans.
So let's empower them with the tools and the mindsets and the healthy perspectives to grow from those experiences rather than shrink from them.
Yeah, 100 percent.
I think.
I think.
On that note, I think your philosophy has merit not just for adults trying to make changes but also for children.
And these are a lot of the themes in there are the themes that I'm actively trying to teach my kids all the time.
And you know, my, my daughter seems to have this real knack.
Well, I guess I've ingrained in her.
So it's no surprise when she pulls it back onto me.
And like, I think, a couple of weeks ago.
I don't know what it was, but I said Oh darling, I can't do that now.
I need to go and do this.
And she said, daddy, you don't need to do that, do you?
You're choosing to do it.
Pulling out that wisdom.
Yeah.
I love it.
No, but I thought initially I was like, yeah, you're right.
Actually, I was super chuffed.
I was really pleased because I thought, okay, cool.
She's only six.
Yes.
I hope that she can maintain that.
Yes.
And I do think, I think a lot about language as we've already touched on it.
And that's so powerful the way we describe things.
And I don't really think until the last few years, I really had any idea just how powerful it is.
Yeah.
You mentioned the only given is that we all going to have adversity.
Yes.
OK.
And in many ways, that is how many many of us talk about adversity in the term.
Many of us talk about adversity and call these adverse events mistakes.
Right.
We say, oh, I made a mistake.
You have a very, very interesting perspective on mistakes in the book.
And I wonder if you could share your thoughts on mistakes.
Oh, you're talking about the story when I was interviewed and asked about my mistakes and my failures and how I froze like a deer in headlights.
Is that the one?
I don't recall that one, but just generally how you reframe mistakes.
You know mistakes aren't things that we've got wrong necessarily.
They're a tool for learning, right?
Oh, for sure.
So there's two things I'll say on that quickly.
I remember I was being interviewed and the interviewer asked me okay so Marie, like tell me about your biggest failures.
Like, I want to hear about your biggest flops and your biggest mistakes.
And I literally sat there like a deer in headlights, like uh and I'm rarely at a loss for words, right.
And I remember leaving that interview feeling like such crap.
I'm like, oh my God, I must sound like the biggest idiot because I make flops and failures and mistakes all the time.
Why couldn't I pull up an example?
And this is what I realized.
In my early 20s, I had learned this phrase, I win or I learn, but I never lose.
And I loved it.
I latched onto it.
I adopted it.
I made it my own.
And for me, there are no such thing as mistakes because I win or I learn I don't lose.
So any place where it's like okay, you know, I probably did maybe waste a little money or some time, or I had a shitty judgment call.
Ultimately, if I extract some type of growth for that, it was a learning opportunity.
And I know that may sound like, so Pollyanna, it's actually the truth.
Every single time in the business, when something goes wrong, we do a postmortem and we're like okay, what can we learn from this?
How can we use this to help us not make that quote unquote mistake again?
And I think in terms of progress, not perfection.
Going back to that theme, mistakes are kind of a part of the journey.
We have this idea that progress is like almost like a straight line.
Like okay, we start at the bottom and then we inch up, we inch up, we inch up, we inch up, we inch up and we eventually reach our goal.
That's not how it works.
You start at the bottom, then maybe you take a step back and then you swirl around and go in a circle for a minute.
And then maybe you inch up and then you inch down and then it's just this squiggly line.
And quote unquote mistakes are a natural part of that.
It's just a part of the learning journey.
Yeah, for sure.
Super, super powerful for people, I think, because I think mistakes often put us off.
They make us feel like, you know, we're not good enough and we can't make progress.
Marie, I wonder you share so many stories in your book about people who are not like you, who have overcome obstacles and used your philosophy that everything is figureoutable?
They've used that to get through their life and actually break through barriers.
And are there any particular ones that you'd like to share with my audience that come to mind, to sort of you know display and kind of bring to life some of the concepts that we've been talking about?
Yeah.
So there are stories from actually two different camps of people.
There are readers of mine who have actually used the phrase everything is figureoutable to create massive change in their life.
And then I tell stories of other humans who simply embody that belief.
Like they have not read the book.
I've never met them.
Some of them are, you know, famous and known and some of them are not, but they should be.
I think one of my other favorite quotes that is, stories actually from readers is a woman from Europe.
Actually, she's here and she's from the Netherlands.
And she wrote to me and told the story of just being in a really tough place in her life, where she had lost her father as well.
She had lost her job and she found herself in this space where she felt like she had nothing.
She was in piles and piles of debt.
She didn't have work.
And she actually started drinking and abusing drugs and just finding herself day in and day out just watching television and drinking more wine and just in a just a horrible cycle like so many of us can find ourselves in.
Then she stumbled upon MarieTV.
She heard me talk about this idea that everything is figureoutable.
And she started saying it to herself and started saying it to herself.
And it didn't happen overnight, but she started to not drink the wine.
And then she started to put on her running shoes.
And then she started to take runs around the block.
And then she started to eat more healthy.
And within the span of about a year and a half, she completely moved through her addiction.
Her health completely transformed.
She got a new job.
She's actually doing the thing that she most wants to do in the world.
And that one really inspires me because she was in a really dark place which again, so many of us will find ourselves in at various points in our life.
And the fact that a simple little phrase could help her reconnect to her strength and reconnect to her own ability to turn this around, including grief, including addiction, including all the things that can be so difficult to make it through.
She really inspires me.
Yeah.
And I just give her so much credit and I thank her for sharing that story.
Yeah, absolutely.
And thank you for sharing that.
That is super inspiring to hear it.
You know the things you're talking about at the moment make me think about a book that I've been spending a lot of time with over the last few months Ryan Holiday's book The Obstacle is the Way.
Yes.
Which I love.
And that's I also.
That phrase, The Obstacle, is the Way I use a lot in my own life.
When something seems like a struggle or something you know, it feels as though you can't surmount something.
It's like, oh, this is teaching you something.
And, as you say early on in your book and earlier on in this interview, you know what can I learn from this?
It's such a It's a subtle reframe, but it's so powerful.
Whenever we look at all these obstacles in our life and think, well, what can I learn from this?
As you say in your business, if something happens that you guys don't want to happen, you know you do a post where you figure out what is the learning from it.
And it's really in keeping with the theme in your book, right?
These are, as I say, universal themes that can help all of us, no matter what we want to do in our life.
Marie, you've shared lots of brilliant tips in this book.
There are so many more in the book.
One thing I just want to cover before we wrap up is if people feel inspired listening to you and they think yeah okay right, that's it.
I've got it.
Everything is figureoutable.
I'm going to start making those small changes.
I'm not going to compare, right?
I'm going to throw perfectionism out the bedroom window.
I want to get on with progress and focus every day on progress.
What if the people around them, their partners, their family, their parents, their friends, don't believe in them?
What if actually, they now feel inspired to make this change, but they don't have a supportive community around them?
Have you got any tips you can share for them if they find themselves in that situation?
Yes.
So you've got to build what I call your figureoutable force field, which is a little bit of a community around you.
And all it takes is just one person to start.
So it's not like you have to go like oh my goodness, I need to gather 15 people in order to have a figureoutable force field.
No, just one is enough.
And one of the best ways to start to build your figureoutable force field is to actually share this philosophy and these ideas with someone that you care about, someone that you think could be a good running buddy, if we call it that way.
And by the way, you don't ask them for support on your dreams, you support them on theirs.
And who knows, the first person that you might choose to be kind of like, your figureoutable friend, may not be the right fit, so don't give up.
You know, you just try someone else.
Try someone else until you find at least one person that also is open to this idea and you can support each other.
You know, in my life right now honestly, my team, everyone that I work with, they live and breathe this philosophy.
Josh, my dear friends, Anytime one of us finds ourselves a little bit in the corner and going like OK, I know this is figureoutable, but I'm not quite sure what to do next.
We support each other, you know, say, OK, great, let's brainstorm this or just have a listen.
You know, sometimes when you listen to a friend and just give them the space to say their piece, lots of solutions come.
So I would say do anything you can to find that one person.
And sometimes you can find a friend online.
I've met some of my dearest friends in the world online.
Through online connections and DMs and emails, and you know with people that we don't even live in the same geographical location, but you find a kindred spirit and that's all you need.
And then once you have one, maybe you can build two and build three and build four.
Because I think, while everything a book is absolutely applicable to you as an individual, it becomes exponentially more powerful when you apply it collectively, when you have people around you.
And so that in and of itself is figureoutable.
So if you're like, I don't have anyone near me, that's okay.
You just don't have anyone that you can play with yet.
Y-E-T, such a powerful word.
It's not permanent just yet.
And so make that your first challenge to figure out.
Yeah, incredible.
And one of the reasons I set up recently a Facebook community actually is because a lot of people were saying to me look, I love the podcast and I love your books, but I don't have.
You know, people around me aren't into the same kind of stuff.
And I'm not saying it's perfect, but at least, you know, online can be very powerful, right?
It's not, it's not about just criticizing online and saying it's causing all these problems.
We can meet people and connect with people and find other kindred spirits online in a way that frankly, we could never have done in the era when your mom was actually using her radio, right?
She could never have done that.
That's right.
Yeah.
So To sort of finally close this interview off, one question that is a burning question inside me is through MarieTV, you have interviewed and had conversations with some of the most incredible people on the planet.
That must feel slightly bizarre on one level, I guess.
You must pinch yourself sometimes.
It's super fun.
I love talking to smart, amazing, creative people.
Yeah, exactly.
And you know I'm only a year and a half into my podcast, but the One of the great things about it is you get to talk to and get to know really amazing people from all around the world.
But I'm interested in all those interviews that you have done.
Are there common themes that come up from a whole variety of different people in different industries and different things?
Are there some common themes that you have learned that all of these different influential people are doing, or sort of principles that they are applying today in their own lives?
I think one is that they believe that they can make a difference, meaning that their contribution, their voice, their ideas, their product, their service, whatever it is that they're up to, they actually believe in it.
Like they believe it has merit and value and that it could actually make a difference.
And I've seen that to be true across the board.
So again, it could be an author, it could be a scientist, it could be someone who started some kind of business or a creative in any sense.
There's something in them that believes that they have value and that that value is worthy of sharing.
Yeah, which again is in complete keeping with the book, right?
That what they're wanting to share, what they're wanting to change that problem that they're trying to solve in the world is figureoutable, which I think is a really nice bit of harmony there in terms of your message and what the lessons are that you've learned on MarieTV.
Marie, I always like to finish off the podcast by leaving the listeners with some actionable tips, things that they can apply in their own life immediately to improve the way that they feel.
This is why this podcast is called Feel Better Live More.
I think your book absolutely echoes that.
Although it's not, you know, conventionally a health book, I think the principles are absolutely applicable to people who want to make health change in their life.
So Thank you for writing a brilliant book.
But I wonder could you leave my listeners with some practical tips that they can think about applying in their own life immediately?
This is the one thing that I would invite everyone to do.
And it's so simple.
Say the words, everything is figureoutable out loud as often as you can.
So say it when you wake up in the morning, or when you're taking a shower, say it kind of over your lunchtime, or if you're taking a walk around the block, say it before you go to bed at night.
But you have to say it out loud.
First of all, we know this from science.
When you actually use your voice to say something out loud, it helps you remember it and helps you create new neural pathways in your mind, far greater than just thinking something in your head.
So the more modalities you can use like your voice, it's gonna help you really embed it.
But here's why this is so important because when you embed this belief, everything is figureoutable into your brain.
It starts to become your default response, especially when the shiitake hits the fan.
It will train your brain to think more creatively and with more innovation and more resilience.
And you'll focus on solutions rather than problems.
And here's why it's so important to say this to yourself as often as possible.
Because here's what I believe.
The most important words in the universe are the words that you say to yourself.
Lovely.
Really inspiring.
Marie, I know you're on a busy tour.
I know you've got an incredibly... popular events.
I think 1800 people coming to see you live in London tonight.
So I hope the lucky ones who would go and get to enjoy the event tonight.
Thank you.
Really appreciate you sharing the time.
I really appreciate you writing such an amazing book that's going to help so many.
If people want to connect with you online, where is the best place that they can find you?
So marieforleocom M-A-R-I-E-F-O-R-L-E-Ocom is where we have hundreds of free MarieTV episodes.
The Marie Forleo podcast.
It's at Marie Forleo on social channels.
I'm having the most fun on Instagram right now.
And then everythingisfigureoutable.com.
We've got some extra resources that just didn't make their way into the book.
So if you'd like to access some of those, they're free as well.
You can go to everythingisfigureoutable.com.
Marie, thank you for joining me today.
And maybe we'll repeat this at some point in the future.
Absolutely.
It was an honor.
Thanks for having me on.
No worries.
Really hope you enjoyed that conversation.
Do think about one thing that you can take away and apply into your own life, and also have a think about one thing from this conversation that you can teach to somebody else.
Remember, when you teach someone, it not only helps them, it also helps you learn and retain the information.
Now, before you go, just wanted to let you know about Friday Five.
It's my free weekly email containing five simple ideas to improve your health and happiness.
In that email I share exclusive insights that I do not share anywhere else, including health advice, how to manage your time better, interesting articles or videos that I'd be consuming and quotes that have caused me to stop and reflect.
And I have to say, in a world of endless emails, it really is delightful that many of you tell me it is one of the only weekly emails.
You can sign up for free at drchatterjee.com forward slash Friday Five.
Now, if you are new to my podcast, you may be interested to know that I have written five books that have been bestsellers all over the world, covering all kinds of different topics happiness food stress sleep, behavior change and movement, weight loss, and so much more.
So please do take a moment to check them out.
They are all available as paperbacks, e-books and as audio books, which I am narrating.
If you enjoyed today's episode.
It is always appreciated if you can take a moment to share the podcast with your friends and family or leave a review on Apple Podcasts.
Thank you so much for listening.
Have a wonderful week.
And please note that if you want to listen to this show without any adverts at all, that option is now available for a small monthly fee on Apple and on Android.
All you have to do is click the link in the episode notes in your podcast app.
And always remember, you are the architect of your own health.
Making lifestyle changes always worth it.
Because when you feel better, you live more.
