Hello friends, welcome back to the show.
My guest today is Blaine Anderson.
She's a dating coach, a speaker, and a YouTuber.
Blaine has coached tens of thousands of men to be more confident and attractive to women, and today we get to go through her biggest tips for how to find, attract, and keep a great woman.
Expect to learn the way that women actually want to be approached, how to overcome approach anxiety, the most important factors for designing the perfect online dating profile, the best strategies to text women well, what are the biggest red flags to watch out for on a first date, whether it's okay to approach women in the gym, the traits women actually care about in men,
and much more. But now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Blaine Anderson.
How do you describe what you do?
I am a dating coach for men, so I help men build confidence, learn to authentically market themselves, create chemistry, flirt, and generally attract quality women they are excited about.
How many times a day do you hear the sentence, why would I ask a fish about how to fish?
I tend to avoid my comment section on Instagram, so not very many.
You know what I mean? There is a sort of a big trope on the internet of men saying women can't teach men about how to pick up women.
Yeah, and what I would say to that is that's like saying women a woman can't give good advice.
I'm not saying I'm the only one qualified to give this advice, but me not having a Y chromosome doesn't disqualify me from being able to describe what women want.
In fact, some might argue including myself, it makes me more equipped to speak to that.
Also, to be honest, the type of guy who says that isn't the type of guy I work with.
That's not the type of guy who comes to me for my advice.
And that's okay with me.
It's probably somebody who generally isn't that open to looking to change themselves in any case.
Yeah, and they're usually generalizing here more inclined to blame women for their problems or think the system is rigged and that women have it easy.
And really when I hear a guy say women have it so much easier, that tells me that they really just don't have empathy for women.
I'm not saying men have it harder or easier, both are struggling.
But also, I suppose if you're a guy who just from ground floor doesn't have any empathy for women, it probably is not fantastic for your dating prospects long term.
Absolutely. And I wouldn't be the right person to help them work through that.
A lot of effort to get one date, Bumble app makes women's first move easier.
In the end, it was the data that killed me, says Penny, about her decision to leave the dating app Bumble.
If she opened the app, she might receive 100 likes, 25% of which she might be interested in, she would look at their profiles and write an individualised message.
A few would respond, perhaps one would result in a date.
That's a lot of effort to get one date, she says.
It's exhausting. Bumble build us the feminist tender when it launched in 2014.
This week announced it was taking action to relieve the administrative burden on its female users.
It has given them the option of firing off a short pre-written question to potential dates, rather than a carefully crafted misive, after 70% of its female users said that they were becoming burned out.
While it is not ditching the requirement for women to make the first move, its female users can now send a template question, such as what book or film changed the way you think using the site's opening moves feature?
What do you think about this?
So I'm supportive of it, but I don't find it surprising.
This really maps to the dynamics male-female approach dynamics that we see in person, which is that the responsibility is on the man to approach and start the conversation with a woman.
It's not generally the woman who is the one meeting to approach or start the conversation.
But what I would say is this woman who says she was writing carefully crafted messages is in the minority.
As someone who has looked at thousands of Bumble conversations, women generally send zero effort, one word, responses like, hi, and then the onus would still fall on the man to then come up with a creative or interesting conversation and steer that towards a date.
So I feel like previously, okay, women were starting the conversation, but in name only.
I think there's a good bit of pushback from guys about this, and I can understand why that basically they now feel like, hang on women.
You said that you wanted an app that allowed you to make the first move, which is what we've had to do for all of human history.
And then being given that preference, privilege, request, whatever it is that you wanted, you're now saying that, oh, it's too arduous.
And though you can copy and paste a message, you can use keyboard shortcuts on iPhone to make it easier to do.
And it's now been made even more easy so that there's pre-written template questions that you can just press a button to send to me, which means it is first move in name only.
And I think it probably feels, many guys that are dating will feel indignant.
But it's like, this is what it's like for me all the time, not just on this one app.
Yeah. Unfortunately, that's just the reality of dating.
The man is expected to be the pursuer.
And you can either, you know, not to say you were complaining about that, but complain about that, or you can learn how to approach and appropriately attract women.
And you can trace that back to evolutionary biology.
You know, the man is, and all across most species, the male is the pursuer.
Spurm are much more abundant than eggs.
Erics are the scarcer resource.
Women become the chooser upfront.
Is some interesting species where the reverse is the case of some birds, I think in some spiders.
It's the same too. And the male is the chooser one.
Quite rightly, the burden sort of switches and a man of the ones that get to choose, or the males of the ones that get to choose.
But yeah, I think, you know, guys being the protagonists and women being the gatekeepers or the receivers in whatever way, anybody that is like, people realize this.
What are you hearing, or what is it that women say about their desire to initiate versus their desire to be pursued?
What have you learned there?
So women want to be approached more and pursued more, at least in, for what I see in my personal experience and my relationships with women and what I hear.
And then I also conducted some informal survey out of 13,000 women in the US and the UK.
97% said they would rather meet their partner in person than online and 95% said they wish they were approached more often by men in real life.
95% of anything is crazy.
I'm not sure 95% of people would agree the sky is blue and you ask them.
And women are saying in hordes, basically like, hey, I want to meet a guy offline and like, I want guys to approach me.
And you know, I hear guys saying, well, women are rude when I approach them or it doesn't work out.
And the reality is, it's a numbers game.
Like there are some women who don't want to be approached and there are even more women who already have a partner or aren't interested in men or don't like you for whatever reason that you can't control.
But that is out of your control.
If you learn to approach appropriately, you're not going to be pepper sprayed or arrested or have some terrible thing happen if you talk to a woman in real life.
Yeah. And it was 13,000 single women in the US and the UK.
I'm not sure what the age cohort was, but let's say that 50% of women are in a relationship, 50% of single that actually turns 95% into 47.5%.
So for the guys that say, I've tried to approach women, what's the likelihood that each time I do it, it's one of the 5%.
Yeah, but you don't know unless they've got a green badge that says, yes, I'm single, you're not actually pre-selecting.
Exactly. But as you just have to approach more often and I get it, it's hard.
It can be anxiety inducing.
You're oftentimes facing rejection.
And that is just what has been happening for all of human history.
And I think we have become complicit with expecting things to be delivered to us.
You can press a button on your phone and have any meal you want delivered to your door.
All of your groceries come to your door.
Anything you want to watch, you can press a button and watch that at that time.
And I'm not anti-technology, but technology has made people lazy and expect to always get what they want when they want it.
And dating and mating is not that way.
Is this male approach anxiety the biggest problem that guys come to you with?
It is one of them, absolutely.
And it's not even necessarily that they come to me and say, hey, I have approach anxiety and I want to get over it.
It's that they don't have the dating life they want and they don't even necessarily draw the conclusion, oh, I'm not approaching anybody when that is one of the very big problems.
So I really encourage, I do this with all of my clients and any guys out there who are listening are like, I'm not meeting women.
Keep an approach journal.
I challenge you on note on your phone, a real journal, write down every time you talk to a woman and you don't have to ask for her phone number.
You shouldn't ask for her phone number or ask her out if the conversation doesn't feel like it warrants that.
But just how many times you're actually talking to women and I bet you will be shocked at how few it is.
So this is the equivalent of using my fitness pile to track your calories.
I'm saying, dude, I'm only eating, I promise you, I'm only eating 1500 calories and you say, let's track it for a week and you go, ah, fuck, it was 2,200.
Yes. I'm approaching 10, 15 women a week.
Oh, it was one. Maybe, maybe.
And I think part of that is because you have access to social media, to only fans and so you're seeing all of these beautiful women and it tricks you into thinking like, surely I'm interacting with women.
I see women all the time.
Maybe you're even damning some or interacting with them on only fans.
That doesn't count. That is not the same as walking up to a woman in the grocery store at a yoga class in a park and striking up a conversation.
What is your best advice for men to overcome approach anxiety?
Yeah. So, I actually have an entire mini course on this because I have so many, I get so many questions about it.
My biggest piece of advice is take the pressure off.
So don't think like, oh, I need to approach and my goal here is to get a phone number.
No, your goal is to connect with another human being.
So you shouldn't just be approaching attractive women who you're interested in dating, approach humans, people generally, women generally of all ages and talk to them and get really good at that.
And then once you feel comfortable with that, it will feel more natural to approach a woman who you do find attractive and have a good conversation.
And then maybe you do ask for her phone number.
But going from sitting on your couch and swiping to approaching at 10, yeah, that's really scary.
So it's a dark, small start with baby stubs.
Charlie Hooper from Chorizmaraan Command has got a good piece of advice where he says, flirt with the world.
He uses Russell Brand as the example of this.
And Russell Brand in his lethario era 10, 15 years ago.
He's doing this interview.
And what is it that someone asks him the question, I've heard that you're a sex addict.
Is that right? And he says, well, I don't know if it's right, but it's definitely enjoyable.
And he's always playing this sort of flirtatious game.
He's touching them. Like, I mean, it's Russell Brand and he also may turn out to be a sex criminal.
We don't know about that.
So, yeah, don't take your dating cues from Russell Brand.
But the sentiment, I think, is true, which is, and I know this, you know, I'm recently single and you go from being, you know, not at all concerned with you had the way that you come across to women.
And then you'd start to sort of have to re kickstart this engine of, okay, well, I need to actually be a little bit more playful here, supposed to just the transactional sort of autists that you were previously.
Mm-hmm. Absolutely. I love the flirt with the world because it's so true.
And we are so conditioned, everyone is in their phone, like eyes down, looking at their phone, moving through the world with their headphones in.
And you can't control if everyone else has their headphones in.
You can't control anyone else's, you know, reaction to anything.
What you can control is if you're the type of person who doesn't have their headphones in, who makes eye contact, who smiles, who says hello.
I was picking up pizza the other day and I was waiting in the shop and this guy walks in with noise-canceling headphones on, like over-the-ear headphones, walks up to the counter.
Doesn't take off his headphones, just in the girls like really nice, she's this cute girl, they're roughly the same age.
Hey, how can I help you? And he just turns and holds his phone out at her.
And she's like, okay, it'll be right up.
Doesn't say anything, puts it back in his pocket and turns away.
And I was like, I don't care if you're not single, like who knows, maybe he's gay, maybe he's not interested, it doesn't matter.
You're not engaging with the world around you at all.
It was really sad to see him.
That's interesting. Okay, so reduce some of the pressure, float with the world, give me a third one.
What else? Take, just don't try and over-complicate things.
You don't have to have this witty, flirty line that she's never heard before.
You can keep it really simple.
If your mind goes blank, walk up to her and say, hey, I noticed you from over there and I wanted to come and say hello.
I wanted to introduce myself.
I thought you were cute.
Something super simple, just you caught my eye and I'd kick myself later if I didn't say hello is fine.
It doesn't mean she's going to want to date you.
It doesn't even mean she's going to want to talk to you.
But if you do that and you have good posture and you have eye contact and you're smiling, you've put your best foot forward and you've done everything you can.
What are the other things, the nonverbals?
Oh, nonverbal is very important.
So this can be our fourth thing.
If you're walking up and you've already rejected yourself, your shoulders are bent and you're looking down, looking around, you're telling her that you aren't worthy.
So you need to walk up, shoulders back, eye contact, as you're walking over to her.
Look for eye contact. Actually backing up from here, getting eye contact from a woman is the gold standard for before you approach.
So it's not a requirement.
You don't have to have made eye contact.
But if you can catch her eye and give her a smile, that is a green light and a much, it's a great place to start from with your approach.
So you're not totally taking her by surprise.
You've done a little pre-qualifying.
And likewise, if you make eye contact and she quickly looks away and turns her back to maybe don't approach, it might not be a viable option.
So that can be a good way to pre-qualify.
Then when you do walk up, shoulders back, head up, smile, eye contact, it feels a little awkward.
It absolutely does. And that's okay.
And then speak with confidence, don't speak too fast, slow it down and go for it.
And you're going to hear no a lot.
You mentioned a couple of opening lines then.
What some canned openers, the super nervous guy that's going to go out and try this weekend, a couple of times to do this.
What are some of your favorite opening lines?
Okay. Like I said, keep it really simple unless something comes to you that you're like, oh, this really makes sense.
So first look for a few things.
What's she holding? What's she doing?
What's she wearing? Any of those things can be things to comment on.
Maybe she's holding a yoga mat.
So you can use that as a conversation starter.
Maybe she's holding a cup of coffee or, you know, wearing some really unique Doc Martins or hat.
Those are all things you can comment on.
So leveraging that is one option.
So you might say something like, hey, I noticed you from over there.
Those are six sneakers.
I'm a sneaker head myself.
Where did you get those?
How long have you had them?
When did those drop? That's an example of using something she's holding, doing, wearing as a jumping off point.
If you, your mind is blank, she's not holding, doing, wearing anything you can comment on, then going back to just like, hey, I saw you from over there and I wanted to come over and introduce myself.
My name's Blaine or, hey, I saw you from over there and I thought you were really cute and I'd kick myself later if I didn't say hello.
How's your night going?
Simple. What about the next step after that?
Because I think that a lot of guys, even if they've got some kind of openers, what she's doing, wearing, holding.
If they get through that, I think the, oh, how do I now exit the conversation in a non-awkward way?
Because, you know, the peak end rule in psychology suggests that the most emotionally intense and the final emotional moment are the two that are the most important of any event.
And how many guys might actually be able to overcome their approach anxiety, but their exit pain is so high that it actually clouds their memory of the approach.
It's like the approach was fine.
But the way that you, okay, I'll go now and this sort of weird awkward high five view or something, you know what I mean?
Facebook. It depends on where you're meeting her, of course.
So let's say you're at a bar and you go up, you use that, hey, I thought you were really cute.
So I wanted to introduce myself.
Cute, pretty, beautiful.
What's the word? You can use any of those.
Whatever. Yeah, there's a lot of, a lot of dudes listening that are like, I can go to get this time, like with OCD.
Whatever feels authentic to you.
Because what you don't want is to sound like you're using someone else's lines.
That's why I'm hesitant and even say, use this verbatim.
It's like I kind of throw out a few things and then make your own off of that and just keep it simple.
Because the most important thing is it sounds authentic to you and not like you're reading a script.
That's just a comment on that.
It's so right. I had a guy here, Hamza, about maybe six weeks ago, something like that.
He was talking about how he's like the epicenter of a lot of young men advice online.
And he had started to ask himself the question of, why do I dress the way that I do?
Why do I sit the way I do? Why do I walk the way I do?
Why do I talk the way I do?
Because he's absorbed so much advice online that he's trying to model himself as the super masculine, alpha-chad, high-value guy thing.
And it's got to the point where he's got Stockholm syndrome from the stuff that he's learned.
It's imbibed so much of it that he has no idea where the advice finishes and he begins.
Yeah. And I think that that's a really good point that I think what guys want is, okay, just give me a set of rules, ish, but don't turn me into an actor.
Yeah. Yeah. And that's why I say when people ask what I do.
I'm teaching men to authentically market themselves.
I'm not teaching them to be the cookie cutter kind of all that a woman wants because that's not going to work.
Even if you are able to, you know, become this persona that you think is going to attract women.
And maybe it starts working at first and women are attracted to you.
You're either having to hold up that persona forever and that's not your authentic self.
So life is going to suck or you slowly become yourself and then you're not the woman, you're not the person that the woman initially fell for because it wasn't really you.
Well, and third option, the women who would have genuinely liked you for being you with the ones that passed you by.
Yes, because you're not being yourself.
So that's the most important thing with everything when it comes to dating.
Yes, we can improve the product like there are things you should do to be a better you and we can talk more about that because building a life that you are genuinely proud of is a very important part of being successful dating.
But then you also need to be able to market that life.
You need to be able to talk to women in a way that they can see that.
That they see that you have a genuinely awesome life that they would want to be a part of.
That's so interesting.
So I've got it in my head.
The original world that we had when Neil Strauss who wrote the game came up and did pick up what that was was exclusive marketing.
And I think that the world much of the world of men's online dating at the moment in the more sort of nihilistic blackpill side is exclusive lifestyle.
IE, one side said it doesn't matter what your life is.
If you market yourself well, you'll be successful in dating.
The current world in some corners says it doesn't matter what your marketing is.
Your lifestyle is fucked and you're never going to get a girlfriend.
So I think that balancing these two, which is you need to be as authentic as possible and actually raise up you as a person to be someone that women want to date.
Whilst also holding in your hands, there's better and worse ways to do that.
Yes. Yes. Exactly. So the product and the marketing and how you put them together and present yourself to women.
And it's even more important to be able to market yourself well today in a world with things like online dating and social media where women's options have quadrupled, you know, or 100x.
And so you have to be able to stand out.
The challenge for men dating is how do I stand out?
So women give me a shot and notice me.
Okay. Where the challenge for women is how do I tell who's actually going to be a good partner between the smoke and the noise?
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A checkout. How do men stand out?
So it depends where they're trying to meet women.
For example, online, if you have, if you have anything short of an A plus dating profile, you're not going to get matches.
The reality is even if you have an A plus dating profile, but you have some other characteristics that create make online dating challenging for you, you still aren't going to get matches.
But there are things to do to improve your online dating game.
And then in terms of offline, so much goes into it.
You know what you look like.
That is part of it. If you look like a slob, you could be a really nice, like a great guy.
You could be confident, truly.
You could be successful.
You could be charismatic.
You could be funny. Just like a slob, women are going to look past you.
And so you have to take care of yourself.
Are you in shape? Do you dress well?
Do you have good hygiene?
That's like one part of the outside.
Then also how you talk about yourself is going to be part of how you market yourself.
Do you go on a date and just say, yeah, works okay.
I'm an accountant. Yeah, yeah.
You know, I go to nine to five.
I get to work remote on Fridays.
It's cool. Or do you say I work for an accounting firm that helps dogs find new homes.
And I'm so passionate about it because X, Y and Z, I love the people I work with.
And I'm expecting to move into XYZ position in a year.
It's not that you're bragging.
It's that you are showing that you have a trajectory that she wants to be a part of and that she finds impressive.
And again, I want to be clear because it's some guys going to dates thinking, oh, I need to impress her.
And it's not the right mindset for a date.
It's okay, I want to be my authentic best self and see if there is a mutual connection here.
What did you mean when you talked about improving your life, your quality of life to make you more easily marketable and attractive to women?
So one of the biggest mistakes I see men make is, I really want to go on this trip to Italy, but I'd rather wait until I had a girlfriend to do it with.
They're putting their life on hold to live their best life until they have a woman to enjoy it with because they would rather do it when they have a girlfriend.
And that is mistake. You need to build your best life so you have the ability to meet that woman that you're interested in.
First of all, you're not going to meet a woman sitting at home.
And so I'm going to involve the type of woman that you are interested in dating.
What are you going to talk to around a date about if you haven't built that life already?
So you should have hobbies.
These are things you're going to connect with her about.
It doesn't mean she has to do the same hobbies as well.
But are you passionate about them?
Are you spending your time doing things that you enjoy and help make you a better person or are you sitting at home playing video games on the couch?
Which sounds more attractive.
You just crushed a pickleball tournament or started making ceramics or you just be whatever level in World of Warcraft.
There is a difference. There's the niche of women out there who want the World of Warcraft guy, but I imagine that the competition for those women is also pretty high.
Let's get back to online dating in your opinion, what are the best online dating platforms?
Which apps? Yeah. So, any of the ones that have the biggest user base, so that's generally hinge and bumble.
Those are the ones I recommend for my clients.
The intent is usually higher on those apps.
Tender definitely has the highest user base, but it also has a ton of spam and lower intent that you have to filter.
What do you mean when you say intent?
So I've found that from working with clients that a lot of the people on Tinder might just be there for hookups, might be soliciting sex, where intention behind finding a relationship or at least going on legitimate dates that aren't in exchange for money happens more on hinge and bumble.
And then of those two, it's really dependent on where you live.
So you need to oftentimes try both and see where you find your success.
So I have found that clients who are based in Austin where bumble is headquartered, really like bumble.
And they have more women that they connect with via bumble, where just for as an example, I had a client in Seattle who was like, I don't get any matches on bumble, doesn't seem like there's any women there.
I like hinge more. So it does take some trial and error.
And if you live someplace remote, it might be hinge or it might, excuse me, it might be tender for you.
Just from a sheer number of women on the app standpoint.
So of those three, I recommend people try them and see what works for them.
I got banned from hinge for impersonating myself.
You're the second person.
No, you know who told me that?
Dan. Don't hit. Did he? From on bumble.
His was bumble. He got banned from impersonating himself there.
James Smith, James Smith, my business partner in Newtonic got banned on hinge for impersonating himself as well.
Well, I've been, I'd been in a relationship for three and a half years and there was a deadline.
I had to submit my proof of identification, but I can't even remember using hinge.
And it was like the end of 2021, like two, three years ago.
I mean, I'm swinging a mits for me on that.
But yeah, a lot of friends, definitely the guys that I speak to, at least the guys that are in Austin say that hinge for them is the best.
Yeah, by far the best, they say.
Yeah, it can be either. What about Raya, the league?
So these, I actually have clients have success with as well.
Raya, the problem is I think it's a lot of looking.
It's people on Raya to see who else is there and swipe where I feel like the actual going on the date happens less, just anecdotally, but from the many, many clients who I have spoken to and also my friends.
But I don't know for someone like you is, has a public figure who has a following.
There are more people in that bucket on Raya.
But you're also seeing people all over the world instead of just in your five mile radius.
Okay. So the numbers are smaller.
When it comes to designing an online dating profile, what should guys do?
How do you design the perfect on the dating profile?
The number one thing, the most important thing if you don't do anything else is you need high quality photos.
Not photos from five years ago of you on a boat, not a photo of you with Kobe Bryant in fifth grade photos that are relevant and look like what you look like today.
If she looks at your profile and is like, I'm not really sure what he looks like.
It's an automatic no. So not too much variation between photos.
It's too much variation or too far away.
You're wearing sunglasses.
She just can't get a good sense quickly.
And you need to remember these women are looking at your profile.
And I mean, maybe men look a little closer, but when women are looking at profiles, it's like one in done.
You have about one second to make a good impression.
So that first photo needs to be clear, not quite a headshot.
We're not talking LinkedIn headshot, but it needs to be your face.
I like it when you're looking into the camera.
It feels like you're looking at her then.
It creates more familiarity.
And that's the most important for the first photo.
As you go down, you have opportunities to have other types of photos.
You don't want six headshot type photos.
Now you need to start incorporating a full body shot.
You need one of those. And then you need what I call filler photos that are more lifestyle.
So showcase how you spend your time.
Every photo is a headshot of you.
Then it doesn't tell or anything about you as a person.
Do you like to ski? Have a skiing photo.
Wakeboarding, traveling, with your dog, with your mom, whatever is important to your life.
Use that in your profile.
And no photos with women who look like they could be your ex.
I don't care if it's your sister or your aunt.
If she looks like she could be an ex-girlfriend, just skip it.
I've heard that guys who have photos with mixed groups, so girls in their photos, but maybe one at least, seem to have some success because it shows that they're not so weird that no woman would ever choose to hang out with them even if they're just friends.
Is that true? So I like a group photo and I'm not picky about if it's you and two guys or if it's you and a guy and a girl, a mix of people.
You and a girl is a little bit of a ambassarac.
You and one girl. Like at a wedding, for example.
I don't care if it's your sister.
Like it's a no. Yeah. Unless it's obviously your mom maybe.
Yeah. If it's obviously your mom or your grandma, that's great.
But you just don't want to be like, is he using a photo of his ex here?
Because he didn't have more photos.
And that's the mistake a lot of guys make when I look at their photos.
It's they didn't build this intentionally.
They just found six photos.
They have happened to be in and those are the six photos they use.
Not like, oh, these are six photos that showcase what I look like, how I spend my time and market me well.
What about selfies? No.
So some selfies are okay, but I have learned that men are really bad at understanding what makes a good and bad selfie.
So my blanket rule. I think you've never taken them.
My blanket rule is just no selfies until they need to make a dating app profile and all of a sudden they're in their car with their Ray Banzon like taking selfies.
I'm like, no. Okay. Mirror photos.
No. No, no. Worst and selfie.
Okay. Yeah. Are you really worse than selfies?
Yeah. Jim photos are hard to get right.
That is the problem. I absolutely love the idea of showing that you are fit and active and that is part of your lifestyle.
But Jim photos usually are mirror selfies, which I don't like or tend to look really staged.
Like, why do you have your camera out at the gym?
So instead, do you have a photo from when you did a tough mutter or you did it raised, you were in a race or ran a marathon or hike to the top of whatever mountain.
That is going to be a better photo to highlight that part of yourself.
Something more lifestyley.
Yes. Okay. Is there anything else to say on photos yet?
No, that covers it. I'd say kids in photos or something.
Is something I get asked about a lot.
If you are like, you should say you have children and you're dating at profile.
If you have children, I think, you know, you are just delaying the inevitable if you're trying to hide it and then like drop it on someone later like, oh, yeah, by the way, I have two kids and she doesn't want to date someone with kids, then you just wasted both of your time.
As opposed to the woman who does want to date someone who's maybe got kids.
Yeah. So just put it in your profile.
But if you don't have kids, I have clients who will want to do like nieces and nephews.
It's just a little hard.
It's a shaky road. Hi, I always have this rule.
It's so funny to me when women either in online dating or on social media, if they ever are supposed to photo that's them and one child, there's always this huge fucking disclaimer.
It's like such a great time with my niece this Sunday, you know, it's like this big banner of something that's like, I'm still, I've still got for Kennedy here.
Yeah. And that's what guys have to do if they want to use a photo with their niece or nephews.
But I would say if like being an uncle is important to you, highlight that in your prompts and just like keep the kid photos off.
All right. Okay. So I would say the prompts are the next and most important part and really what you will see right after a photo.
What's prompt or bio? So like for a hinge, for example, you have three prompts.
You don't have a bio on a hinge.
Right. I mean, it shows what I know.
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So prompt, how do you get, let's do hinge first and then make a bio after that.
Yeah. So you have prompts.
They are giving you, so if you don't have hinge like you, the prompts will say things like my ideal Sunday, my simple pleasure is one thing you should know about me.
Your bio and prompts need to be lighthearted and fun.
Your goal should be to be lightweight and make her smile.
So this is not your resume.
You don't need to tell her everything about you here and get all of your, you know, your alkylates out here.
That's not what we're going for.
And you're, this is also not a help wanted ad.
You are not saying what you want from her.
You can look at her profile to see if she hits the things that you're looking for.
So guys, I'll say, oh, I really want a girl who's kind and likes to travel.
It's like, okay, you're talking to every single woman on hinge here.
So not only should you not be speaking about what you're looking for, you should also be unique into what you say.
So if what you're saying is what everybody else is saying, one thing you should know about me, I really like to travel.
That's lame. Be more specific.
Where do you like to travel?
One thing you should know about me is every year I take a trip to Spain to buy dessert wines.
Be as specific as possible.
Details are what is going to help you stand out.
Why? Because she's looking at 1000 profiles.
So why you, from the other guy that she just swiped over, who maybe you're both kind of cute, you both look kind of fit.
He says he likes burritos and you say you cook homemade dinner with your roommates every Sunday night and pick a new country to focus on.
Like that's much more interesting.
That gives something that she's like, oh, that's cool.
I want to know more about that.
The point of your dating app profile is to get her to want to know more.
And if she wants to know more, she's going to swipe right.
She's going to match with you.
It's not to convince her that you're, you know, an alpha male.
It's not to convince her that you are rich and or good at your job.
Oh, that's a question. Uh, watch photos, car photos, house photos.
So slippery slope here.
What I would say is if you're flashing your Rolex or your Lambo and that's what you are leading with, who are you going to attract?
You're going to attract a woman who prioritizes that over who you are as a man and your personality and your values.
So if you're good with that, by all means, go for it.
And if you are looking for an authentic genuine connection and someone who really likes you for you, then you're better off leading with those traits, your personality, your values, how you spend your time.
And you just tend to look really try hard by putting the flashy photos out there.
I wonder how many, there'll be a ton of checks listening.
I wonder how many of them are just like, yes, yes, yes, taking, taking, taking, yeah, yeah.
And it's, and well, I'll have guys who come to me and they're like, I've never had a match online.
And we, and then I'm like, what you're like decent looking.
Okay, let's do this. We make a profile and then they have more matches than they know what to do with because the bar is really low.
Because so few men are optimizing that.
Yes, they're just throwing up the selfie that they took in their car because they needed a sixth photo and saying that they like burritos and women are like, why would I go out with you?
Like this is you're not making me want to know more.
You're not intriguing.
And that's really what you're going for.
What about bio? Bio is similar to prompts.
You want to hit all the same things.
You want to be lighthearted.
You want to make her smile.
This is not a help one. It adds.
So what can you say that helps you stand out a little bit from everybody else and trigger to want to know more about you?
Don't overthink this, but it is worth spending a few hours developing prompts and bios.
I tell my clients, spend an hour minimum on each prompt.
You have three prompts.
At least you should be spending an hour thinking about the word choice.
And when I work with clients, I'm like, right, 10 and I'll pick three or I'll, and I'll make them better.
So we like really pick every single word that goes into it.
But if you're out there doing it yourself, like you should be putting in the same amount of effort and run it by some girlfriends, run it by your sister.
Yeah. Does this suck? Is this okay?
Yeah. Yeah, I suppose it's so funny how much time I imagine guys spend swiping right and trying to get matches and stuff.
You think that's you trying to do conversions on the back end.
How long did you spend going and getting the photos?
Yeah. You'd spend a week, get a friend or even pay somebody, be like, oh, there's 50 bucks.
Like come and take a couple of photos of me.
And what would be the difference in your conversions?
What would be the difference in your effectiveness?
If you focused on the things that really matter as opposed to just kind of doing what you think is the urgent and going for the numbers game.
Exactly. And a lot of guys cringe at this.
I have almost all of my clients work with professional photographers.
There is a whole industry out there for dating app photographers.
You're kidding me. Oh, absolutely not.
It didn't even occur to me.
Someone wouldn't know that because I'm so ingrained in it.
You're in the weeds. Yes.
And it is so important because most guys aren't taking good photos of themselves, even with very detailed instructions, step by step.
They still go out there and their photos kind of suck.
And you can have some photos in your, you want some photos in your profile that are candid and organic and don't look professional.
But having two professional shots that really showcase what you look like and have really nice backgrounds that are going to be bright and stand out can make all of the difference in the world and say it's such high ROI.
I suppose it's a low-key signal as well of kind of value.
It's like, what's this guy do where he's got the professional photo?
Oh, maybe he's, maybe this is a press shot for something that he's done.
Maybe part of a project that he's in.
And just that you care. You're putting in effort.
You're helping her see who you are.
You didn't just throw, like sometimes guys will send me profiles and they're like, oh, I want to match with this girl.
I want to talk to this girl.
What should I say? And I'm like, she put zero effort into her profile.
That's why you have nothing to say to her.
And so do you think she's really banking on, is she, do you think she's looking for a partner here?
Is this something that she's prioritizing?
Your expectations for her response and her effort of meeting should be on the floor.
Because she didn't even take the time to make a good profile.
That's interesting. So the girl that just uses Tinder because when she's bored waiting for the bus, she decides to have something to have a little.
And spoiler alert, that's a lot of women.
I guarantee if you took a random sample of 20 hot girls, at least half of them would say, like, I didn't really use dating apps because I meet enough people in real life.
I'm approached often. I have a good network.
And then the other half might say, oh, I use it for fun or entertainment here and there, but I don't go out with that many guys.
And then maybe half of that half actually use it.
But especially attractive quality women, they are not relying on dating apps.
Interesting. How can people text more effectively?
How can guys text more effectively, flirt, online?
What are the biggest do's and don'ts when it comes to messaging game?
So what I like to tell my clients is you are more likely to text yourself out of a date than into a date.
Texting should be used for the logistics, but you really want to keep it minimal.
A problem a lot of guys have is they are trying to get to know this person via text before a date and chit chat and so much is lost in text messages.
You don't have any tone.
You don't have the nuance of facial expressions and body language.
So a conversation or something can be said and taken totally out of context or just feel kind of weird.
And all of a sudden, you were going towards a date and she doesn't really want a date anymore.
And then again, this goes back to online dating.
She is a queue of 20 other guys, which is unfortunate reality.
So if you misstep, it's really easy to say, I'm just going to go back to the drawing board here.
So less is more, but you do need to be clear and confident in your communications.
So I have a course on this too.
It's just about texting because so many people struggle with it that lays out basically templates or scripts.
You want to open the conversation with something.
Again, you don't need to reinvent the wheel here and say something hilarious or be a comedian if that doesn't speak to who you are.
But look for something in her profile that other people might not notice.
Or you can speak to maybe she has a photo in Croatia and you've spent time in Croatia.
You can say like, let me guess, that's in Havar.
You can say something that is going to start a conversation around something you're knowledgeable about.
Okay, you're off to the races.
She's matched with you.
She responds, she said, yes, like I went, you know, two years ago, have you been, then you want to find a way to steer this towards a date relatively quickly.
She's already seen your profile.
She's already matched with you.
You need a couple messages to establish enough trust that, you know, she knows your real person.
She's interested in knowing more interested in going on a date and then segue to the date to the date.
It can be as little as two or three back and four.
It's as much as 10, but anything more than that is you're doing too much talking and you're becoming a pen pal.
That's something a lot of guys get wrong.
They're looking for this perfect opportunity to ask for a date.
They're looking for a flashing green light.
You don't need to do that.
Go for it. Go for it. This is, I am enjoying chatting with you about this.
What would you think about continuing this over drinks?
I know a great spot downtown.
I know a great rooftop downtown with excellent happy hour.
This I guess is a difficulty if any guys are traveling or if you're not using the geographic net of where you date because inevitably you can't say why don't we continue this conversation over coffee on Wednesday.
You live in fucking Atlanta.
Yeah. Well, and that's just, do you want a long distance relationship?
That's why, like with Raya, I said, you're looking globally.
So a lot less meetups from my experience end up happening because you're not, you can't just say, hey, let's grab it.
Do something casual. Let's grab a drink next Thursday.
Just a bit of, yeah, let's go to fucking Tulum together or something.
Yeah, it's like you have to, it's much more level of investment or like, oh, I'll fly to your city for this date and then there's all of a sudden so much pressure and expectation around it as opposed to doing something casual.
If you meet somebody online, the first time you meet, I consider date zero.
This is not even a first date.
This is a vibe check. Let's just get together.
See if we vibe. If we vibe, if we have a good conversation, let's go on a proper first date.
Let's get dinner. Let's do something more involved.
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What are your favorite examples for first dates?
So lightweight. I suppose so it's a little different if you met her online than in person but if you met her online then casual.
A nice bar with for drinks and don't drink a coffee shop, a smoothies shop, mock tails.
If you want to eat okay, something easy, maybe you sit at a bar and like have topas or you even go to a food truck that you like but you should not be over invested in a first date.
Meaning you shouldn't be spending a lot of time or money or resources trying to orchestrate it or to impress her.
Just a vibe check. And from a woman's perspective, she doesn't want most women, most quality women aren't going to want to dedicate four hours to a fancy sit down meal with somebody they don't know.
They also want to see, okay, do I vibe with this person?
If so, then like, you know, let's move forward.
I sometimes have guys say like, oh, I've like matched with women who say like they don't want to go for a walk.
They aren't a dog. They expect dinner on a first date.
And I would say take a look at whether that is where you want to start off a relationship on, you know, where you need to be the provider of laying out the red carpet for her.
Because usually when women say that, they're also not thinking like, hey, my favorite food truck or my hole in the wall, tie spot.
It's like they're expecting a steakhouse or a fancy sit down dinner.
And so if you're okay with that type of relationship and those expectations, go for it.
What's your thoughts on walking dates?
So my husband and I's first date was a walking date.
I would say if you're the type of guy who struggles to create romantic connection, it can be tough because it doesn't have an inherently sexy vibe.
But it is a really nice way to get to know somebody, to get your steps in and to just see if there is a connection.
And from a woman standpoint, like at least I know a lot of my friends, you know, especially women who are in their 30s, they don't want to drink every night of the week.
Maybe they don't drink at all, like sitting down at a bar is like, oh, I can maybe do this once a week.
But if you're like, hey, why don't we, you know, grab a juice and go on a walk.
That's an easy thing to say yes to.
So you know, whatever your date, your first date is, the ease of yes is important.
If you're asking her to drive across town or commit four hours or she needs to like, wear something special.
Get ready for ages. All of a sudden it's a lot.
She's like, weighing the pros and cons and the cost benefit of doing it.
Where it's like, I wanted to get some steps in anyway.
Like I wanted to see if this guy was normal.
Yeah, like sure. Let's take a walk down the the block and obviously plan the walk, you know, on the beach or someplace where in a neighborhood where you have value to add where it's going to be fun to look at stuff.
Like it's not just, you know, walking down a busy street with like semi is driving by, but I'm pro walk if you feel confident and comfortable on a walk.
I guess from a safety perspective as well for women walking date during the daytime.
So my public is pretty good start.
Exactly. Interesting.
So what about turning first date into second date and also what should guys be doing and saying on a first date like how should they behave?
Yeah. So you want to be your authentic self first and foremost, but you also want to be.
So when on a first date, you should be aiming to have her do 70% of the talking.
There are studies that show when the more somebody talks, the more they perceived the date or the time spent to be positive.
People like to talk realistically, a good date might be more balanced, more like 50, 50, but the point here is you want to keep her talking, asking questions.
Something men get wrong when especially when they're nervous and it's understandable is they'll end up rifling through questions in effort to keep her talking.
And they're like, you said, she should be talking 70%.
So I just asked a lot of questions.
And that's not exactly what you want to go for.
I did explain it as you want to pull the conversational thread.
So you ask, you know, you ask a question on a topic you also find interesting.
And then you go down the path of that topic.
You don't need to beat a dead horse until you have nothing left to say, but then focus on that for a little bit because that's also how you are going to create more of an emotional connection.
If you're staying really surface level with your questions, that emotional connection isn't established.
But if you can get her talking about travel and then you're talking about trips, you went on as a kid and how every year she went to the beach with her family and it's a really happy memory for her, those are good feelings that she's having and she's associating with the date.
So think about structuring dates and having conversations around things she's going to want to talk about and are going to be fun for both of you to talk about and leave you feeling good.
I suppose if you focus on something that you are interested in and maybe have a little bit of knowledge in that already takes the box of authenticity and it means that you don't actually have to play a role.
If you go, so what do you do for fun?
And she says, oh, I'm really into crochet in the Kardashians.
You go, oh yeah, tell me more about the Kardashians.
Oh, you're going down a rabbit hole that you have no information about.
Whereas if you can try and pull the thread of whatever it is that's a synthesis of your interests and hers.
And I guess as well, it's tough for guys because they don't have as many options on the table as women do, but it's totally fine for you as a guy to walk away from a date going, you know what it is?
She wasn't that interesting.
She wasn't that interesting.
This isn't a me problem.
This is a her problem. She asked us some questions and she's really haven't any hobbies.
She's really seem to do anything with the time.
She doesn't really communicate all that well.
Like, it is completely possible for you as a guy who is uncertain about your value in the world and your value to women to go on a date and the woman's suck.
Yes, definitely. So I tell my clients that a third of your effort should be spent towards making a connection.
So helping her see that you have things in common that you've shared interest, shared values, a third of your effort should be assessing if she is a good fit for you.
So if she fits the criteria you're looking for, if she's interesting.
And then the third of the effort is put towards flirting and having fun.
So even if those two things aren't there and she's not the your person, ideally you both still had a little fun.
You can still flirt a little bit.
Practice that. And then you both go on your ways and you know, you chalk it up to like, okay, one less person who I have to meet and I know I'm not going to marry.
Even aren't asking women's questions on dates, it's a problem.
The cashiers at Trader Joe's ask more questions than guys on dates nowadays.
I can remember the number of times I've asked a man a question thinking that at the bare minimum, he'll ask me the same one in return.
But no, he is not inquisitive of my family or my job or my taste in music.
After he's finished his long-winded answer, there is just uncomfortable silence.
I then fill with another question for him.
I am the one keeping the conversation going.
I am the reason I had a fun time on this date.
I'm a tiresome jester who was being paid in dirty martinis.
Girl, move on and go on some, we need to find you some better dates.
That's funny and I hear, I mean, I hear that from women.
They complain that guys don't know how to ask questions.
Not my clients. I'm teaching about ask questions.
I think that I do feel like growing up women tend to be more conditioned in how to make people around them comfortable and are oftentimes better conversationalists.
Therefore, then men, that is not a blanket rule, but I think it could be a general principle at least that I have witnessed.
I would say, if that is happening to a woman, I would have her say something like, I feel like I've been asking a lot about you, what do you want to know about me?
Just flip it. That's the thing on dates.
People are oftentimes just scared to say what's on their mind.
You're probably not going to want to go on another date with someone who doesn't have the decency or is not inquisitive about who you are anyway.
But if you, maybe he's giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he's just really nervous.
If you can kind of click him into having that realization.
Playfully with low pressure.
Yeah. He's like, oh, you're right.
I'm sorry. I'm just, you know, it's a little, I'm a little nervous on first dates.
Tell me more about your siblings or whatever and he can turn it around.
Maybe you're giving that date an opportunity to blossom into something more.
That's, I guess, what sort of flirting and being playful and being like hearted helps that it takes a lot of the pressure off.
You know, you could say, I've just asked all of the questions so far today.
Are you going to ask me anything?
That delivers the same message as what you just said.
But in a way more pressurized sort of back by tea.
Defensive. Yeah, it's not fun.
So I suppose that you can kind of gesture the guys towards what you want them to do.
What are the other biggest red flags that guys do on dates in terms of communication, where they go, what they were treating it like a meeting and not a date.
So a lot of the men I work with have great jobs really excel professionally are good at communicating in work environments.
But you do not communicate the same way on a date.
A date should be flirty.
It should be playful. There should be some physical touch.
It would be inappropriate if you were at a business meeting and you touched the person's knee who you were talking to.
But on a date, that should be something that you are intentionally doing.
You are creating familiarity and physical connection.
So start of the date. There should be a hug.
A kiss on the cheek if that speaks to you.
If that feels natural for you.
Throughout the date, you should be hand on the knee to emphasize a point, hand on her shoulder, guiding her to her seat, touch her hand while you are talking.
Again this takes practice and a lot of guys who have zero practice with physical touch.
This takes a lot of practice.
And flailing around like a sweaty octopus.
A sweaty octopus. That is quite the picture.
I actually feel like it is more of their like stick still and have their hands at their sides and are not moving at all.
I think I might prefer the sweaty octopus.
But I will set a goal and say, okay, you want to have six physical touches on this date.
Just like how I say, you should have an approach journal with how many women you are talking to.
You should also be keeping a date journal and hitting some goals.
Did I pay compliments? What questions did I ask and were well received?
Did I hit my physical touch goals?
Because of a date without physical touch is a meeting.
And she didn't come here for a business meeting.
Likewise, if the date went well, you want to go for a kiss at the end.
That is a great way to end the date if it went well.
But you don't want to go for a kiss if you haven't touched her at all.
Just even if it's a great date, you're laughing, you're talking, things are going well, you're flirting, but your hands have been at your sides or in your pockets.
And then all of a sudden you lunge for a kiss at the end.
That's going to feel very awkward and out of left fields.
Kiss on the cheek, kiss on the lips at the end.
I was referring to a kiss on the lips in that sense.
You can go either. You don't have to have a kiss on a first date.
But I think if the vibe feels right and the date was good, then absolutely go for it.
How many women do you think that's moving too quickly for?
Some, and that's okay. But this is why you have to know if she doesn't want it, all you say is no worries.
Something to look forward to next time or no pressure.
That's a cool response.
That's a fun response. I had a client recently who told me on their first date he asked if he could, because I'm also a big fan if you're not sure about anything physically, just ask.
Stand next to her, stand close to her.
This is a good sign. She's open to standing close to me.
We're looking at each other's eyes.
Signs are pointing to yes.
I'm still a little nervous.
Say to her, I really want to kiss you right now as a statement.
She's either going to say, I don't kiss on the first date.
You can say, great, something to look forward to or no pressure.
Or she's going to say, so do it.
Or just smile and lean in and be the one to kiss you.
You're facilitating that.
That goes for really anything physical as things escalate.
If you're not sure, just ask.
If you're too uncomfortable to ask, it's too soon to go for it.
Might have a good rule. That's true with sex too.
I say, guys, you're like, I don't know if we should be having sex or if it's time or doing this or that in the bedroom.
It's like, talk to her about it.
If you're too uncomfortable to talk to her about it, it's too soon to do it anyway.
That's a good rule. What about how much effort guys should make with the way that they dress on the first date?
Full three-piece suit might be a little bit much for a daytime walk.
Not convinced that crox and socks are allowed, although I'm pretty pro them.
I'm okay with your crox and socks if you're authentic to you.
I also, if you're wearing them in a stylish, ironic way, it's very different than if you're like 300 pounds and wearing them with board shorts that go below the knees and a colored shirt.
That's going to be a no for me.
In terms of a first date, I recommend guys have a first date go to outfit.
You don't need to be reinventing the wheel here.
You don't want to be wearing something for the first time that you might not be comfortable in or trying to impress her.
Just find an outfit that makes you look well groomed, fits you well.
That's the number one thing guys get wrong with their clothing.
Too big often or too small, but usually too big.
Their shirts are too baggy.
Okay. This is a big America problem.
It's a massive American men have zero fashion sense.
This is also true. It's atrocious.
Guys in America think that wearing a polo-cold under-rama shirt constitutes smart dress.
Under-rama polo shirt, jeans, leather belt, leather shoes.
It's like smart casual, like fucking incarnate.
It's so bad. It's fucking atrocious with baseball cap.
I mean, like, dude, swing in a miss.
God, I mean, I literally wear like metal band t-shirts, gym shark shorts, stand socks and crocs.
But I know that I can't wear an under-rama shirt and claim that I'm going out dress nicely.
It's so bizarre. Like American guys.
Yeah, why is that? Why is it like an America problem?
Because I was just in France and the men dress so well.
Everybody dress as well.
Yeah. That being said, I mean, the UK's got some sort of dodgy fashion trends that happen every so often.
We had this addiction to skinny jeans for a decade, which I'm slowly sort of ripping myself out of.
I'm not too sure. There is definitely, if you're a guy in America, this is an advantage, I suppose, for dudes, disadvantage for girls.
The bar is set unbelievably low for you to be a well-dressed man in America.
Because almost every man dresses retardedly.
Honestly, on that sunshine bust rip.
You're not wrong. You're not wrong.
And the bar really is so low.
I have a stylist on my team for this reason, because even I touched on this before, but even if you're doing everything right, but you show up to the date dressed like a dweeb, it's like, no, you don't look like you have your shit together.
You don't look like you have self-awareness.
And so if you can just get a few and it doesn't have to be expensive items, it doesn't have to be anything outside your comfort zone.
But I recommend actually just working with a professional and so great investment or doing it yourself.
But just having a few go-to outfits, some nice staple pieces that you can mix and match, it goes such a long way.
Talk about approaching women in person too.
You want to leg up? Look good.
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Okay, where should guys go to find women in person?
Talked about online dating.
What are your favorite spots for guys to approach women in person?
Yeah, so any place you're already spending time and your hobbies.
So you're going to have way more to talk about with somebody who you meet at your pickleball league or your run group than you are at a dark night, loud nightclub or even just walking down the street.
I'm not saying you can't meet women at bars and clubs and you can't approach random women on the street, but that's playing level hard.
You have to find a commonality.
You have to find something to talk about.
Whereas if you are just pick up some hobbies and start going to them on a weekly basis, pick three things you want to do and try and go to them every single week.
Ideally, not all hobbies are created equal.
Like pick hobbies that women also attend and just start talking to people.
That's going to be the best way.
And oftentimes what I tell my clients is you might not, okay, let's use pickleball for an example, because as you know, I love pickleball.
Let's say you join a pickleball league.
Maybe you meet a woman, you're a woman you're interested in dating there, but maybe not.
But you might meet a friend who then invites you to his birthday party and then at that birthday party, his roommate from college brought his sister and that's the girl you hit it off with and your one or two degrees removed.
So you have much more built in trust.
You have something to talk about while you're both at that party, pickleball, your common friend, and it becomes much more easy to start a good conversation that can lead someplace.
So you're optimizing for social events, things that involve a little bit of interaction, like CrossFit Jam, but presumably not something that's super solo, like fucking archery or something like that.
Yeah, you're just, so I am a big fan of you spending time in any place that makes you happy.
You might be something great to highlight in your dating profile or talk about on dates and that's going to be attractive to women, but you want to make sure your hobbies are not all solo hobbies that are going to be great for talking about.
I go mountaineering. Yeah, I go rock climbing on my own.
Yeah, but not great for meeting people and you want to diversify, but rock climbing gym, great.
A lot of those solo things can be turned into good places to meet people.
One of my hobbies is breaking bread, but you brought bread.
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I failed. I failed. That is hard.
I was like, I got this. All right.
So third one. Okay. Now you're going to point around the room at objects and you're going to call them anything in the world that isn't what they are.
Okay. All right. Three, two, one.
Plant. Dog. Car. Basket.
TV. Baby. Cool. Okay. That's it.
We did it. So what we've done there, first one is just straight up description and it's can I get what's in my brain?
In my eyes, into brain and then back out of mouth.
Second one's the most difficult one.
That's parallel processing.
You're going around the room and pointing at the things that are there, but you're not saying what's in your mind.
You're saying what was previously in your mind.
So that's being able to hold onto multiple threads at the same time.
And then the final one is just straight up creativity.
Can I point at a thing and do something creative?
I love that exercise. It's so fun.
You can do it in two minutes.
And that second one just breaks people's brains.
Yeah. And it gets your brain like ticking in a different way.
That's something I want to practice.
It's really cool. Do you feel like as you get better at that game, it helps you with parallel thinking in conversation?
Oh, yeah. For sure. That's a great strategy.
It's fucking cool, isn't it?
I'm going to bring that.
You can have one with me.
Yeah. I mean, it's just so it's so much fun to do with anybody because they immediately go.
We've found the date. Yeah.
Why? I mean, if you're going to make your date seem silly.
But, um, yeah, you're right.
It's big silly on a date is a good thing.
That's true. But making the other person feel silly, maybe you doing it and saying, okay, so I'm going to go first.
Yeah. And then showing you.
Yeah. Or a second or third date.
You can have that one. Yeah, I love that.
I love that as a, as an idea.
But the point being that that is showing you just how further, because there's people out there that I've seen do that that can just go.
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