This year I've been really rethinking my relationship with alcohol and so I decided to commit to dry January to really kickstart 2025 and just test myself.
Heineken 00 is the perfect companion for dry January because you feel like you're still participating when you're out for dinner with friends, out for drinks whilst you're still meeting your lifestyle goals.
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Heineken 00 is available at your local Heineken retailer or for delivery at Heineken .com you must be 21 plus to purchase, enjoy Heineken responsibly and good luck with dry January.
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Hello, welcome back to the psychology of your 20s the podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology.
Hello everybody, welcome back to the show.
Welcome back to the podcast, new listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world.
It is so great to have you back here for another episode.
This week I thought we tackle a subject that I'm sure is really pertinent for a lot of us at the moment and that is the struggle with perfectionism particularly as it relates to our cups about romantic relationships that end but what about our platonic relationships?
What about our friendships?
What I really want to explore today is that experience of outgrowing your friends of outgrowing relationships and why it's really natural and really normal and maybe even a step beyond that even beneficial in some ways to find that your childhood high school or university best friends are no longer
the same people you're no longer the same person and noticing when it is time to move on and dealing with that experience.
I think that our idea of friendship growing up and in our late teens even early 20s is often quite unrealistic and highly romanticism.
I'm going to spoil some of the research for you already but if you haven't guessed it perfectionism can be incredibly stifling and restrictive in the past forever or come to an end in an instant but as we enter our 20s we can see that friendships are a lot more nuanced and not always black and white.
Like any relationship they can be emotionally complex and confusing but drifting away from a friend isn't a bad thing.
It's actually an entirely natural part of growing up and growing into yourself.
You don't have to feel ashamed or like you owe anyone an explanation it's actually fairly common and I really want to normalize this experience.
We'll use to describe perfectionism as positive it really does reinforce some pretty negative behaviors and in reality there really isn't much about this quality that is healthy.
In fact it's very much a dangerous maladaptive coping mechanism for dealing with failure and for dealing with criticism from others and it's on the rise particularly amongst young people.
It was exhausting to try and have these special moments, deep conversations and vulnerability with everyone even people who I knew would probably never get me but when I began to unpack the root cause of that habit that really I was just terrified of being alone and not constantly being surrounded by people.
Stands like anorexia are much more likely to be perfectionist compared to the average individual but also people -pleasing tendencies and the one I really want to focus on academic performance and academic anxiety.
Most of us in our 20s I would assume are in some kind of further study or you have done further study and although it is a slug for most of us and unenjoyable at times some of us are particularly crippled by the need to meet an exceptional standard of performance to the point that it actually causes
paralysis. It paralyzes our ability to solve an end for you to find new versions of yourself and for you to find new people.
It is asking us for one thing but simultaneously sabotaging our efforts and it's a very complicated interaction.
Interestingly students who are perfectionists do typically do better in academic environments but at a massive expense to their overall enjoyment of their studies and their overall well -being.
So today we're going to discuss everything to do with perfectionism from the origins, why some people have it and others don't, the links to personality and procrastination, how it relates to academic anxiety and of course what we can do about it.
I think perfectionism sometimes feels like a bit of a mental prison.
I'm saying that as a perfectionist myself but we can really retrain our brains using techniques like the 80 -20 method, visualization, positive self -talk.
We're going to become more isolated and these large networks will disappear so what we do is we maintain relationships with people out of habit and out of fear even when we know that we've outgrown each other.
Firstly I don't think that that's necessarily accurate that you know we'll never have more friends than we have in our 20s but that fear also highlights an important skill that we need to prioritize during this decade which is the ability to enjoy time spent alone and in our own company and learn to
walk away from the relationships that don't serve us and let other people address it straight off the bat because I think this misunderstanding is a massive reason why we often think of this trait as being positive but in the words of possibly one of my favorite people Brene Brown, perfectionism is not the same
thing as striving to be your best.
Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth it's actually about shield that we will experience in life and good friends they are even more valuable they improve our mental and physical health you know a 2017 study found that close friendships are a huge predictor of improved mental health
cognitive functioning and even reduced anxiety and stress levels you know friendship literally has a cycle perfect often at the expense of their self -esteem and it's not just perfection as it relates to our grades it's perfection in all areas of life maybe you are a big runner a big athlete you can have perfectionist
qualities and traits within that domain or when it comes to our body image or how much money we're making or our success it's all related to this inherent quality you see perfectionism it's not an encouraging voice in our head it's actually quite a negative and self -critical little creature that instances
where we gradually come to realize that what once was is no longer and we may be holding on just for the sake of this trait their self -worth is often determined by their capacity to reach these incredibly high personal standards and this causes us to push and push until we either succeed which is incredibly
rare or we quote unquote fail and we burnout resulting in this massive dip in our sense of self -worth and other behaviors like procrastination and even depression and anxiety so in this way it is highly maladaptive maladaptive being a behavior that interferes with our ability to perform daily activities
because it encompasses so many negative and self -sabotaging aspects like an intense fear of failure unrealistic standards only focusing on results and being intensely critical of ourselves that keeps life from being boring is knowing that we are constantly shifting into a deeper different but hopefully
more mature version of ourselves and that we can reinvent ourselves and try new things at any time especially in our 20s when this is not only permissible but highly encouraged by our society whilst we're on this journey the people in our life are going through the exact same process and they are changing
in their own way and in their own direction and sometimes those changes are not occurring in parallel which leads to a distance forming in our external reinforcement from society and then an internal fear of failure which just perpetuates the behavior so if you are listening to this thinking this is literally
describing me this is me let's firstly dive a bit further into some of the signs or it's part of life sad and painful as it may be and even if you find that your relationship and that your friendship with someone isn't necessarily over it may have faded a bit and lost some of that deepness and connection you
formerly had and that it's okay it's a sign of growth a sign of development the sign of a new chapter for both of you there are some crucial things that can believe that it's perfect so it's a massive indicator not that you're lazy but that actually you set such high standards for yourself that you
can't even possibly begin to try and meet them you might also find it really hard to come back from mistakes and you ruminate on your failures rather than your successes which can create a very toxic headspace incredibly toxic because if that little voice in your head is always telling you that you've
never done well enough you've never high school and then uni people are inevitably going to scatter across every country across the world and you can no longer kind of you know pop into their house down the street and over your work redoing your task until it's perfect even if it takes hours and hours
hence that maladaptive aspect you may also feel an immense almost out of body like pressure to live up to high expectations both your own and others and additionally you might also be hypersensitive to criticism or rejection this is why perfectionism and people pleasing go hand in hand because perfectionists
are highly attuned to the expectations of others and they have this intense fear of upsetting or disappointing people like their parents people went all over the place but the friendships have survived and continued to flourish because we still share so many of the same values and have that unconditional
love and support for each other and really enjoy the time that we do spend with each other it's not necessarily just distance that causes you to grow apart but other more nuanced factors one of those is the entrance of serious romantic partners when we're single our friendships are our primary relationship
the person we go to for everything who we share all the good and bad of our life with and in a decade of instability and often a desired you know separation from our parents and families really you may also have extremely high standards for others which can put a lot of pressure on your personal relationships
if your friends or your partner can never meet your unattainable expectations resulting in essentially with spending time with your friends to spend time with your partner because you know you're probably obsessed with each other you're getting to know everything about them you're wanting to spend every
day in their presence and that's not a bad thing and it's not as if you've abandoned your friends at least not in most instances it's just that we only have a number of hours in our weeks and in our days and the entrance of a new primary relationship is going to take up more of that time and more of they
have formed unconsciously and beyond our control which is what makes it such a hard thing to treat i think it's also interesting to point out here that there is not just one type of perfectionist but there are three and there are two actually very important people we need to stop and acknowledge here
and that is Dr Paul Hewitt and Dr Gordon Flett they are essentially the pioneers of the large majority of research into perfectment be the last time and it's not something that they need to be shamed for or need to be you know made to feel bad for it's just part of growing up it's part of enjoying a new
period and chapter of life this links really perfectly that they have discovered observed whatever word you'd like to use for it socially or social prescribed perfectionists other oriented perfectionists and finally self -oriented perfectionist so socially prescribed perfectionism this occurs in which someone
is incredibly self -critical they feel immense pressure to be the best and they worry that others are going to reject them particularly important respected people in their lives i'm thinking parents i'm thinking teachers normally it's perceived external standards such as academic expectations that can lead
to this version of gossip that you can share priorities that are aligned and that is normally the foundation for your relationship the example that i always think of is the difference in the dynamic of our friendships in our very early 20s versus our late 20s mainly due to factors like context when i
was in my early days at uni i'm not proud to say it but my days were consumed by partying until 2 am waking up at 11 studying super hard hanging out with the same people doing stupid things and then partying again you know rinse and repeat and most of us were in the same boat we just moved out of home
we had this incredible freedom but also this common purpose to study to get good grades and to graduate lives and their careers but they are also able to go after their goals so high self -oriented perfectionism it's generally associated with the most adaptive the time and energy to party the same way
we did to drink the way we did but we also have a lot less free time because most of us have structured lives with nine to five jobs and chores and obligations and partners and we also have a different priority you know we've graduated we've moved on however there are some people i know who didn't give
up that lifestyle or they're still studying whilst you know i'm out here working my corporate job and only drinking on weekends that's fine it's just that our priorities are no longer aligned and further friendships are not under scrutiny and most of the time those who fall into this category they're
not behaving in a way that's looking to fulfill someone else's expectations but their own however there is a caveat because regardless of what category you sit in you're still going to exhibit those core characteristics like a fear of failure placing incredible pressure priorities that is a natural
part of growing up it's not something that is anyone's fault you cannot remain stagnant your whole life just because you're not willing to outgrow people and it seems like a hard trade -off but there are you know there also does come a point where we can't help but real factors including early childhood
experiences that one always seems to be the culprit but also things like personality and self -concept and finally co -morbid conditions like ADHD or OCD first off our upbringing this is going to play a large role in whether you are someone who exhibits perfectionist traits or not particularly if you
had parents or caregivers who had really high standards for you particularly academic standards this has passed on to you as you learn to internalize their expectations especially if you run its course to cherish the memories and move on you never know when you'll come back into your life you never
know if it's going to be naturally rekindled and you'll find that your paths cross again there's a saying that i love and it's that people are in your life for a season a reason or a lifetime that phrase is so comforting to me but sometimes we put people into the wrong category and they put us into
the wrong category as well you think it's forever that your soul mates and forever bonded and then one of you moves or gets married or decides to travel the world and all these things bring new experiences that you just can't relate to anymore and you realize that it was just for a season it was just
for a reason not for a lifetime i think all of these previous from their parents so if your parents convince you that perfectionism is what is expected you have no other point of reference to island and a traumatic departure of a friend from our lives due to a big falling out miscommunication or just
all out ghosting so i want to kind of explain that difference a little bit more the difference between a fizzle and you know when you really need to be like okay this relationship has turned sour it's turned a little bit toxic we should probably cut each other off i think that's different to signs that you're
drifting and it's important to recognize when it might be time to just be honest with yourself about whether that person is a seasoned friend or a reason friend in my own experiences an additional link is that perfectionism can also be learned by children who are growing up around really highly successful
perfectionist parents if your parent is an incredibly successful athlete maybe they were really academically talented and they tell you that they're a ceo they're doing great things we model this behavior people who have hurt you or your high school days or recounting the same events over and over again maybe
it's time to realize that your friendship has somewhat lost its spark our minds should always be turned to the future at least that's what i believe so if you find that you always regress to a previous version of yourself when you're in the present strange caveat strange tangent but there's this scene
where abling viola davis's character tells this young girl that she is kind that she is smart that she is important and those are incredibly powerful affirmations to tell a child because they're about their core inherent value rather than about what they can achieve rather than about their grades or how
beautiful they are or how perfect they are our innate self -concept and our personality is of course another factor personality it's otherwise known as temperament and it's fine that you really can't talk the way you used to that you no longer have those shared experiences and values of course there
are environmental factors but you would be surprised how much of it is contained in our dna it's the age -old debate of nature versus nurture and i think when it comes to perfectionism it really is a mix of both finally we did discuss this before but there are certain mental health conditions that have a really
strong causal relationship with perfectionism in particular ocd and adhd perfectionism it's actually one of the most common cognitive distortions reported in adults with adhd so there have been studies that have shown a strong correlation between perfectionism and impulsivity which is another symptom
of adhd and together they form somewhat of a negative feedback loop worse about yourself that's obviously not a great sign but it is a sign of something and that is that you might be outgrowing one another the final indicator i guess is that the friendship has become one -sided this may not be a sign
that you are outgrowing a friend but maybe that they are outgrowing you that feeling always sucks it can be really painful especially if you're not on the same page but you don't want to maintain any relationship that is one -sided or in which you have to beg someone for their attention and their time
maybe you're finding that you're always the one making plans whilst they always question as tendencies are much more likely to have ocd and the explanation that they give is that they're probably linked to an imbalance of certain chemicals or neurotransmitters in the brain like dopamine and glutamate
which is why our brain can't really regulate our behavior rather than trying to dig deeper into a friendship that's kind of gone stale or gone silent i think that final experience can be really tough and i'm sorry if you're going through that and you know moving on from friends finding that your relationship
has changed um it's not always a pleasant experience or one that comes naturally so i really want to discuss what you do next so many studies on this when i tell you that it's unbelievable and it's even coined its own term it's called academic perfectionism one study by the national institute of health
found that people with high perfectionistic worries experienced increased feelings of hopelessness and a lack of control in the face of their almost uncontrollable pursuit of perfectionism resulting in paralysis and lower academic performance now when i say paralysis it's not that they work physically
to say that it can leave us feeling kind of lonely and also guilty as if we've done something wrong or abandoned someone it's if you are severely concerned with your performance it makes it really hard to focus because nothing can be just good enough sometimes it needs to be good enough but you won't
allow yourself to do that you need it to be perfect which is quite frankly i think impossible so what happens is they find themselves completely stuck or redoing something over and over again until it reaches their standard perhaps days after the you know if it's an essay or if it's an activity or a task
is even due and it's been repeatedly acknowledged in a lot of literature of late that perfectionism particularly amongst 15 to 24 year olds is on the right parts of our identity so their absence does bring emotional pain like i said moving on from a friendship it involves a similar grief cycle to death
because it comes with recognizing that your former friend is no longer part of your life they can't be called on in an instant they won't be there for those core moments and milestones in your life and that you're going to have to move on when we see someone every day or regularly for a period of time
our neurons become wide around their presence we enjoy their company and you know when we are having a hard day we call them suddenly looking at grades and grades alone we might be confused into thinking that perfectionism is a positive quality which we know it's not we've debunked that already but in some
ways academic perfectionism it is positively correlated it's become integrated into how our brain processes the world and responds to certain events or experiences so when those relationships begin to fizzle our brain cannot respond as it has previously and this causes that sense of confusion and that sense
of hurt as a result we may find that outgrowing a friendship involves a similar five stage process to grief and what's really interesting about some of these studies is that most students who had perfectionism were actually telling the researchers that they were performing really poorly or that they
weren't getting good grades or that they weren't academically gifted when objectively they were but when they were asked to rate that quality or their performance themselves they still didn't see themselves as good enough and that's the catch 22 of academic perfectionism and perfectionism in general
nothing and artificially create reasons to hang out more and create inorganic shared experiences it might also be things like oh you know if me and this person stay friends i won't make any new friends or our affectionism especially as it relates to academic anxiety procrastination really it's about putting
things off not because we're not capable but because we don't feel mentally prepared to perform or complete the task and what this sometimes comes down to is self criticism and of course the main culprit perfectionism we become overwhelmed by the idea that what we produce won't be perfect and therefore
we habitually avoid even starting it or doing it the mentality is basically i'm not going to do something unless it's perfect so i cannot even start and i remember a discussion i had with a friend of mine back when we were university to get times that's just the way that life goes you have to go through
hard things to enter into a new chapter to see the other side and after all that has passed we had arrived we arrive at a place of acceptance as you come to terms with reality and understand that life will go on you will make new friends you will find other fulfilling connections from personal experience
i've seen how this process goes and can definitely confirm that it is a real thing sometimes especially with that anger when we recognize things changing in our relationships our first instinct can be to lash out and act from a place of rage anger or even even attempt the thing that she was fearing
it's not just our grades and our academic performance where this is a problem but a lot of other areas that are pertinent to our 20s like applying for graduate jobs making life choices take some time to step back and consider the situation rationally things like distance or significant life changes
they don't always have to mean the end of a friendship sometimes it just means change don't rush to completely cut someone off you know or don't rush to yell at them to be angry at them see if you can find a way forward and take time to adjust to you and your friends new circumstances sorry to burst
your bubble but that's just i guess reality and something i think we all learn as we get older but how can we integrate this understanding into our everyday behavior and move past our perfectionist tendencies it's not a death sentence it's not a life sentence there are things that we can do so all of that and more
in just a second emotional outbursts without anger you never know if things will change and you'll come back together in the future if you just need some time apart so you don't want to burn any bridges before you have to and i think the other thing to do is treat your alone time your solitude is sacred
is the perfect companion for this journey because it has 0 .0 percent alcohol so i can still socialize enjoy myself get out there without feeling like i'm missing out plus it genuinely actually tastes very very delicious my fridge is now stocked with heineken 00 and friends of mine will even join me
for an evening or for an afternoon going alcohol free if you are also taking part in dry heineken 00 is it heineken 00 is available at your local heineken retailer or for delivery at heineken .com you must be 21 plus to purchase enjoy heineken responsibly and good luck with dry january do you want to
add something i've been trying to practice more and i found that it's opened me up to more opportunities and really made me love myself more and be more selective with the friends they do choose to have if i want to go do something if i want to go to a new restaurant go to a movie visit a beautiful
lake or do a beautiful hike i can do it by myself and still have an amazing time and it's made me value the time spent with friends spent with good friends even more take it slow and try to integrate more solitary activities into your daily routine or push yourself to go to things alone to go outside
your comfort zone instead of calling on friends that you know you actually don't enjoy time with that you understand how tech is changing our world and what you need to know to survive the singularity so join us listen to tech stuff on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts
the force is shaping market some amazing self -development and growth finally i think it goes without saying but one of the major benefits of outgrowing friends as hard as it may be is the opportunity it presents to meet some new amazing people you haven't yet met all the people you will love in your
life there will be more souls that touch you deeply more laughter more bonding experiences more adventures more people out there who will connect they're not supposed to decide elections of course are not really supposed to play a big role in choosing our elected leaders that's for the voters to decide
follow the big take podcast on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you listen did you know that companies hire the most in the first two months of the year or that nearly half of workers are worried about being left behind i am andrew seaman linkedin's for this episode i really enjoyed it
it's something i talk a lot about with my friends and even with like my parents and people i know that outgrowing friendships is super normal it doesn't need to come with shame it doesn't need to come with blame or stigma it's just part of growing up and you are in there pulling out the weeds you're
pruning it you're watering it it's the same thing with your network you should always be in there actively managing your network if you don't feel confident to say a number even admitting that to a recruiter is going to be far better than saying well what is your budget for the role a lot is in the follow
-up right don't wait to follow up whether you're a new grad an established professional or contemplating a career change get hired is for you listen to get hired with andrew seaman on the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you like to listen i've said it once i'm going to say it again life is not about being
perfect and if you go through life believing that it is just open up new opportunities to spend time alone and to meet new people so many in our 20s many in our 30s many in our entire lives so we need to learn how to either live with that reality or manage our perfectionism in a sustainable manner and i
personally would choose the latter there is a hard truth to swallow though this isn't going to be easy if our assumptions about the origins of perfectionism are correct in that it is derived from our upbringing and internal unconscious elements of our personality and character these are hard things
to change you cannot go back to your childhood and change how your parents spoke to you you cannot reach into your brain and rearrange what it looks like in there but it's not impossible and i do think the benefits definitely definitely outweigh the effort imagine what it's going i decided to commit
to dry january to really kickstart 2025 and just test myself heineken 00 is the perfect companion for dry january because you feel like you're still participating when you're out for friends out for drinks whilst you're still meeting your lifestyle goals i'm a big beer fan so i also love the taste of heineken
00 plus being alcohol free you can enjoy whenever refreshment calls heineken 00 is available at your local heineken retailer or for delivery at heineken .com you must be 21 plus to purchase enjoy heineken responsibly and good luck control and if something isn't exactly how i want it to be if someone
says something about how my voice was annoying or i pronounced something wrong i spend like days thinking over it and wanting to change like this one small thing that like either no one notices or like one to two people but i think it got a lot easier for me when i realized backing of american express
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stuff we travel from the minds of congo to the surface of mars from conversation because i was like is this a a big thing that i just have never like i've heard of it once and i've never gone back but no it actually typically refers to the idea that 80 % of our results come from only 20 % of our efforts
i think it's called like the pareto rule or something like that but how i like to think of it is that an outcome in which 80 % is perfect and the other 20 % is okay or average is still a good outcome if it saves me time and it saves me anxiety striving for 80 % on a test or getting 80 % of your daily tasks
done podcasts every wednesday on the black effect podcast network the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you go to find your podcast i think this idea allows our brain to compromise with itself we don't need to you know entirely give up our standards but when they are coming at the expense of important
things in life like balance like friendship and the time to actually enjoy the good joyful things we should be okay with adjusting our expectations slightly so i always say to myself 8020 rule 8020 rule it's okay if 80 % of it is perfect and 20 % of it is not exactly how you would like it but it's still
got done another defining feature of perfectionism particularly when it comes to academic perfectionism and academic anxiety is this unhealthy focus on our failures compared to our successes this is what we call a compulsive preoccupation and when we only think about the times that we haven't met our
goals or we have quote unquote failed it can really lead to a distorted self -image a friend of mine told me about an incredible strategy the other day called grab the bullet visualization i don't know if this is a real thing but the way she explained it to me was so powerful that i had to share it i
was sitting down with her i was just talking about something that happened it was this tiny mistake and i was obsessing over it i had this compulsive preoccupation and i couldn't get over it and she said to me the idea that you need to think of the visualization that you need to have is that life is going
to throw us a lot of obstacles or so -called bullets and bullets are fast but when we slow down we can effortlessly grab the bullet grab the failure and throw it aside failure is the bullet slow down take it in learn the lesson and imagine yourself picking this tiny bullet from the air not letting it
hit you and throwing it away you don't need to keep it that's what we need to do with failure imagine yourself grabbing failure in this case a bullet so that we can visualize it in the air examining it for a second learning the lesson and then being done with it and visualization not just this exercise
but many other types is a fantastic psychological technique for refocusing our thoughts to be productive by imagining them in a new context or as manageable so if you are a perfectionist it can be really good to visualize your problem especially as something that's a little bit ridiculous or imaginative
positive self -talk is also such an important part of our toolkit and this really goes for everyone even those who aren't struggling with perfectionism or academic anxiety it's essential I think for successfully managing failure and minimizing the impact that our unattainable standards have on our self
-respect have on our self -esteem have on our well -being we are no strangers to this idea on the podcast we talked about it recently actually in our episode on the psychology of lucky girl syndrome if you listen to that you'll be familiar but positive self -talk it comes from this discipline I guess sub
-discipline of psychology called positive psychology and it involves cultivating an internal dialogue that makes you feel good about yourself using phrases like I am more than my accomplishments I am an interesting person I am valuable I am confident my future is not defined by my failures and treating
these like mantras that you repeat every day or when get you know when things get tough or you face a setback can be life -changing remember the way that we speak to ourselves will impact our behavior and will impact our perspective I think it also it goes without saying this is a psychology podcast
after all but therapy can do wonders especially if you get a psychologist that specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy otherwise known as CBT perfectionism is after all a thought pattern it's a trait that influences our behaviors our thought patterns and therefore how we view our problems and our
failures and our successes but if you go back to the root cause that being our cognitions and alter it to something more positive the flow on effects can be really powerful so the whole premise of CBT is that our behavior is influenced by our thoughts if we change our thoughts if we break them down
if we rationalize them then our behavior will change and we will get the positive outcomes that we want so I would really recommend it especially if you are a perfectionist who is particularly worried about academic anxiety or anxiety really in any part of your life try and find a therapist who specializes
in CBT it will take time but like I said before you will begin to feel so liberated these problems will not be problems for you anymore you won't feel that pressure to be perfect and I think the world just becomes a lot more enjoyable here is your final reminder of the day you do not need to be perfect
we are facing this changing society in which everyone is so concerned with success with wealth with perfect grades with impressive resumes and it doesn't have to be that way you're allowed to sometimes fail nothing in life is perfect love isn't perfect nature isn't perfect music isn't perfect art isn't
perfect and you are just as beautiful and complex as those things so you're allowed to have some flaws it just brings texture to your life it makes us much more interesting I think also mistakes and failures and flaws they build character they teach us incredible lessons and it's about really thinking
about is my life worth completely killing myself for an academic outcome for a particular grade for something to be flawless I don't think it is life is not made up of those things you know especially if you're someone in university or even high school right now I know there's a lot of people under the age
of 20 who listen to this I promise you that your grades are not going to matter in five years probably not even two like I do not remember what I got on any of my courses when I was at university I don't remember you know a test result that was only worth 20 percent of one of my subjects like those
things don't matter to me anymore when I think back to that time what I do remember is the amazing friends that I met I do remember all the cool opportunities that I had to do exciting things to do things that had nothing to do with academic results and I do just think that's a worthwhile reminder sometimes
we need to hear it I know that if you are a perfectionist it's a lot harder because it can be so innate but I would really encourage you to think about some of the other options think about how you can overcome this obstacle and view life as imperfect thank you so much for listening to today's episode
I hope you enjoyed it I hope you learned something for all of my people out there who are currently still in uni still in school still slugging your way big congratulations I do not think I could go back and do another exam or write another essay it would just be oh my god awful so especially if you're
dealing with a bit of academic anxiety hopefully this provided you with an explanation as to why and some of the next steps or if you are procrastinating a lot perfectionism is one explanation so I hope it gave you something to think about I really enjoyed making this episode if there is a particular
subject or idea or topic that you would like me to cover please follow me at that psychology podcast on instagram I love taking episode suggestions I love when you guys do my job for me and give me my ideas so um please follow me over there if you would like to do so send me a message I would love to
hear from you and as always if you enjoyed this episode if you think that you have a friend or a family member or a work colleague anyone in your life who needs to hear this share it with them you could change their day you could change their month you could change their life maybe not but share it
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I get a little bit teary so if you want to see me cry that's the easiest way to do so as always we will be back on Friday for another episode see you then this year I've been really rethinking my relationship with alcohol and so I decided to commit to dry January to really kickstart 2025 and just test
myself Heineken 00 is the perfect companion for dry January because you feel like you're still participating when you're out for dinner with friends out for drinks whilst you're still meeting your lifestyle goals I'm a big beer fan so I also love the taste of Heineken 00 plus being alcohol free you
can enjoy whenever refreshment calls Heineken 00 is available at Heineken retailer or for delivery at Heineken .com you must be 21 plus to purchase enjoy Heineken responsibly and good luck with dry January do you want to see into the future do you want to understand an invisible force that's shaping
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listen to tech stuff on the iHeartRadio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts the og's of uncensored motherhood are back and better than ever I'm Erica and I'm Mila and we're the hosts of the good moms bad choices podcast brought to you by the black effect podcast network every wednesday
yeah we're moms but not your mommy historically men talk too much and quietly listen and all that stops here if you like witty women then this is your truck listen to the good moms bad choices podcast every wednesday on the black effect podcast network the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever
you go to find your podcast did you know that 70 percent of people get hired at companies where they already have a connection i'm andrew simon linkedin's editor at large for jobs and career development and on my podcast get hired i bring you all the information you need to well get hired landing a job
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