What's the real cost of staying quiet or over explaining in high stakes conversations?
It's a sign of something that is undermining your ability to influence and to move your career forward.
Welcome back to Speak Up, the number one ranked business communication podcast, where we help high performing introvert leaders, including new social introverts, turn your ideas into influence and improve business outcomes.
Because being brilliant does not automatically make you influential.
I am your host, Laura Camacho, your career accelerator, executive presence strategist and godmother.
By the end of this episode, you'll know the hidden patterns that cause you to either over talk or stay silent, why waiting for perfect clarity is actually hurting your influence, and how to speak with confidence and authority in real time without over explaining.
So let's say you're a leader, maybe director, senior director And you know, you're experienced, you're capable, you're respected, you've been doing what you do for some time.
But in high stakes moments you either over explain or you soften your message, you mitigate your recommendations or you don't speak up at all.
It's not a question of the communication per se, although that's the symptom.
There's a root cause you want to address.
And that root cause is that you don't fully trust your own authority.
That means your own experience and your recommendations to fit the need in that moment.
And this is so important because it's not just the words.
It's about when you speak, how you speak, and when you choose not to speak.
So I was working with a client recently super, incredibly smart leads, major initiatives, high trust across the organization.
And she said I hear this frequently when I'm talking to certain executives.
I just start adding more explanation than is necessary.
I just wanna make sure they understand.
So that just to make sure.
And then she added something else.
And sometimes I stay quiet because I don't know how to say it cleanly, or if I should even say it at all.
So with that combination, that's the signal that you do not trust your authority.
And it shows up in both of these ways.
So here are four signs that you don't fully trust your authority.
When you do speak, and that's that you over-explain, you add unnecessary context, especially the history of the problem, you soften your language.
That means you're mitigating your recommendations and you talk past the sale.
You keep talking past the point.
And to be completely frank with you, historically telling the truth has gotten people into trouble.
So I get it.
But nobody is going to make you drink poison like they did Socrates.
All right, that's not gonna happen.
So then the other end of the spectrum is you don't speak up at the right moment.
So here are four other signs that you don't fully trust yourself, your own authority.
You hold back in meetings when you should be contributing.
You are waiting for that better moment that never comes.
You let others, often less experienced, drive the conversation.
And you're thinking, well, I'll just say it later.
I'll say it later.
I need to organize my thoughts better.
And all of these are eight signs.
They're subtle, but that shows that you lack confidence in your own expertise and point of view.
And that's silly because I know you're a smart cookies, but I want you to understand this.
Silence is not neutral.
Let me repeat that.
Silence is not neutrality.
Silence is a signal, just like over explaining is a signal.
Think about the last executive meeting that you were in.
Maybe there was a moment you had a key perspective, like something you wanted to bring up.
And by the time you got ready to say it, the conversation had moved on and you never found out how it would land.
And then other people kind of took control of that conversation.
That's what happens when you don't trust your own authority.
And it happens more often than you think.
You may have two conflicting patterns right of speaking and overcompensating, or not speaking, because you're second guessing whether you should or not.
I want you to think about how you communicate in these high stakes conversations, because this is not happening in your team meetings or the meetings where you feel comfortable.
It's happening when the pressure is on.
And of course, the executive leadership team is not seeing your internal struggle.
They're just seeing a pattern of inconsistent communication, perhaps unclear communication.
That's a lack of clarity, lack of presence.
And so they just assume, oh, you know, so-and-so is just not polished.
They're not decisive, quite ready for the next level.
I mean, they're not going to think mean things.
They're just going to think that you're not ready.
And then there are people who speak clearly about and with less insight, and they start to carry more influence.
That's just so frustrating.
But a lot of times there can be people who have less experience.
They don't realize all the pitfalls that they're not seeing.
That's just reality.
You may be thinking that you need to fully think through something before you speak.
And you're just waiting for that perfect clarity.
And that's what keeps you silent.
Or you may think, well, since I tend to talk too much, I'm just going to not say anything.
And so you become concise by not saying anything.
That's not good.
And you can be afraid of saying it the wrong way.
And, you know, that's a legitimate concern.
You don't want to mislead people.
You don't want to offend people.
Some situations are delicate, but saying nothing can be a very expensive mistake.
So here's the reality is that not trusting your own authority doesn't just make you talk too much.
It can also make you disappear.
There's a compounding effect of this too much, too little.
Like you need to go with Goldilocks the right amount.
Stop trying to perfect your message before you speak.
You can prepare, but you don't need to perfect before the meeting.
And I want you to start trusting that you can go into the conversation with a basic idea.
You can refine it as you go.
You can plant the seed.
You don't have to resolve an issue in this way. specific meeting.
I mean, it's good if you can, but sometimes planting a seed and then watering it over future conversations is a very solid way of communicating.
You don't need to over explain to be credible.
I don't want you to focus on trying to get it exactly right.
I want you to make it clear enough to move the conversation forward.
All right.
So if you're one of the people who both over explains and holds back, I want you to know that it's not just a communication issue.
It's a positioning issue and it's fixable, but not by focusing on being more concise.
It's about trusting yourself more and preparing in a different way, like thinking at a higher level of how to move the agenda forward.
And you may be a great candidate for the Executive Presence Mastery System, where we work on speaking up in the moments that matter, structuring your thoughts in real time and eliminating both over explaining and hesitation.
So you show up right at the level where you really are operating.
If that's interesting to you, go to the show notes, click in the link in the first paragraph and let's have a conversation.
So big announcement.
May 4th, I am gifting you with an executive presence reset.
It's going to be six consecutive days of small shifts.
You know actual doable things five minute episodes that change how top levels of leadership perceive you.
It's going to be fun.
Have a fantastic and glorious day and I will catch you on the next episode.
