What if everything you've been taught about owning the room, especially as an introvert, is completely wrong?
Find out today.
Welcome back to speak up, the podcast for high performing introverts, including you, social introverts, where we reveal the charisma and communication secrets of a-listers so that you get the recognition and the opportunities you have earned.
I am your host, laura camacho, your magical executive presence coach, godmother and strategist.
By the end of today's fascinating conversation with A-lister attorney Brian Beckham, you're going to know why reframing nervousness as something else is a powerful mindset shift even elite trial attorneys use.
How to use personal storytelling and body language to instantly increase your influence and why authenticity beats perfection, and how to stop over-preparing and start connecting.
So, Brian from Houston, it is so good to have you, such an illustrious attorney on the show.
We don't have attorneys very often, so it's a great day for everyone.
You're going to love to learn more. how to really command the audience.
Because as you know, an attorney has to always win, right?
I don't know.
Is it competitive when you're, is every case like you have to win it?
Do you feel like it's adversarial?
I do.
You know, I played division one basketball.
I was an athlete growing up.
I've done some other sports in my middle age.
So I've always been real competitive.
I've always been really interested in sports, and trials are the closest I've ever gotten to having that feeling again.
And in fact, I've talked to military.
I remember I talked to a military.
He was a fighter pilot in Vietnam.
And he said he was more nervous when he went to trial than when he was flying combat missions for Vietnam, which is hard to believe.
But it's true, especially if you're nervous speaking in front of people, especially if you feel like you have somebody's freedom or somebody's future in your hands.
Now, most of the time after the case, the lawyer's aren't arch enemies, but that's not always true.
I mean, there's, there's this idea that if you're a lawyer, like in front of your clients, you're always fighting, you know, making it look like you don't like each other.
And then you go have a beer afterwards when the clients go home.
That's not true.
Well, what I want to talk to you about Brian, is we want to learn.
We and you know you're talking to extremely brilliant, extremely attractive high performers who, who want to own the room when they walk into it.
Sometimes, as introverts, we get these labels of being stuck up or not interested or too quiet.
What is the secret?
I know it has to be with preparation.
Like to get that mindset to walk into that courtroom or walk into that boardroom and be like game on.
What can you tell us to help our listeners have a stronger presence under intimidating circumstances?
Great question.
Great topic.
Something I've thought about for a very long time frankly, because I've struggled with it my whole life.
So I'm a bigger guy.
I played college sports.
I'm a trial lawyer.
I've been doing this for a long time.
I've spoken in public in front of thousands of people many, many times before.
I've argued in cases where there were tens and tens of millions of dollars at issue.
I still get nervous every single like every single time.
Yeah.
And when I first started, I got to tell you, it wasn't crippling because I was able to do it.
But I mean, I would be sweaty.
I would just be constantly thinking about what if the words don't come out?
What if they don't come out right?
What if I'm sweating?
And what if my flies?
And you know, and I'll tell you one thing if you're not a little bit nervous before a speech, that's a bad, like people think it's bad to be nervous.
It's bad not to be nervous because if you're a little nervous, that means you care.
That means it's important to you.
The first thing is I want everybody to know that even best performers are nervous.
Here's the second thing which I think is super duper cool.
I found this out about probably seven or eight years ago.
I was reading an article for this very reason Laura, because I wanted to get rid of that nervousness.
Now I know That nervousness is my fuel.
Like, I need that nervousness, but it's not nervousness.
You know what it is?
It's excitement.
Okay.
So if you'll carefully analyze the emotion of physical sensations that you get when you are quote nervous, they are identical to the sensations you get when you're excited.
Sweaty palms.
Thinking all the time.
Lots of extra energy you got to burn off.
Here's my first tip for it.
If you're nervous before a big speech or presentation or performance, that's good.
You want that.
And reframe it as excitement.
Tell yourself you're not nervous.
You're excited.
You can't wait to get to do this.
Do you ever consciously think about body language, that the body language flows from the right attitudes?
I not only consciously think about it, I've studied it in depth.
Really?
Body language.
Oh, yeah.
Body language is more important than the words that come out of your mouth, in my opinion.
And there's some really good resources online about how to use appropriate body language when you're giving a presentation.
But before we get there, you anticipated something that I was going to say anyway, Laura.
That, I think, was a great observation.
And that is...
People do not care how much you know.
They do not care.
What they want to know is how much you care.
If you're passionate.
Look, my job as a trial lawyer is to persuade everyday people to find in favor of my client.
Sometimes that means giving my client tens of millions of dollars.
Sometimes it means setting them free.
Sometimes it means giving a business hundreds of millions of dollars.
Nobody cares.
If I don't care, like passion persuades.
And so the second tip I was going to give Lauren, and like I said, you're so smart.
You anticipated was people simply do not care until they know you care.
And then with respect to the body language question, there are tons of resources online.
The body language is absolutely critical.
And I know this is audio only, but just for your purposes.
I'll show you like If you get on stage and you smile like this, you look weird as hell.
You know, when you smile, your eyes are supposed to squint a little.
They're not supposed to be like this.
Yes.
Like it's a more natural smile.
When you're open, when you make gestures like this, that's a lot more approachable as opposed to when you're got your hands crossed or you're kind of a little bit tense.
Body language is important.
That doesn't mean, when I'm trying to case or giving a speech, that Then I'm thinking about every single millimeter that my finger moves.
Right, right, right.
It's got to be natural body language.
But I think what a lot of people do is they'll either consciously or unconsciously kind of restrain their body language, feeling that that's appropriate.
And it's not.
In fact, people are much more.
I mean, just think about the speakers that you enjoy.
Do they sit there behind the podium and not?
No, they're adamant.
Exactly.
Because they're excited about their message and they want you to be excited.
That is so true.
So you said something that I want to talk to the audience.
Okay, guys.
Brian Beckham, who is a super top lawyer in the United States, based in Houston.
He has said that nobody cares how much you know.
And That's a hard pill for some of us to swallow.
Brian, I want you to help us to overcome or reframe this, because a lot of times, what we know, our depth of expertise, is our source of confidence for speaking to this group of investors or the board of directors.
We want them to know that we know what we're talking about.
And so we give them all these details, or maybe we go into our resume and then all the papers we've published or something.
How can we show that we're competent without trying to prove that we know what we're talking about?
Let me come at it from this way, if it's okay.
To me, the number one principle of communication, not persuasion, but communication.
I'm giving away a trade secret here.
Take note, everybody.
I'm writing it down.
Let me tell you how to give a good speech, a good presentation.
I can tell you in two words.
This is all you have to do for the rest of your life.
And it applies to everybody, in every single situation, from the beginning of humanity until the end of humanity.
Okay.
This is all you have to do.
Tell stories.
That's it.
That's it.
Okay.
Every single good speech you've ever heard in your life, go back.
And I guarantee that speech is full of stories.
Why isn't it so important?
Because it's my belief.
And I think there's a lot of neurological, neuroscientific evidence behind this.
Human beings think in stories.
So I don't even think it is possible to think without telling a story of some sort.
So even if you have a chart of numbers, you know, last year's audited financial statement.
Yes.
That tells a story.
That is a story.
When people look at that, what do they do?
They don't go computer one, eight, nine, plus this, blah, blah, blah, that computer.
Okay.
That represents the cash coming in. with this particular product.
I wonder what that was.
Maybe that was because of what was happening and they kind of start telling stories.
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
So the number one thing from a communication standpoint, if you want to give a good speech, is to tell stories.
Now, why is that responsive to your question about showing your competence?
Because you already know that stuff.
Like that doesn't take a And you already have stories about it.
Like if it's your expertise, you can already tell stories about it.
And stories are much easier to remember.
This is going to sound so dumb to you, Laura, but I've been doing this for 25 years.
One of the reasons I used to get so nervous before trials is because I wouldn't write my speeches out verbatim.
I would make outlines and I was afraid I was going to forget something.
Now I write everything down, work literally exactly how I want it to come out.
Really?
You script it?
Absolutely.
Yes.
And it was about four years ago I figured this.
And I'm talking like every single word, like if I'm supposed to pause somewhere, I'll say pause.
I mean, just, I want it precisely how I want it delivered.
And once I started doing that, a lot of my nervousness went away.
You know why? because then in my brain, I reframed it as all I'm doing is reading.
Right, right, right.
I've been doing this since I was four years old.
I can read words on a document.
And what really happens is you look at it and then you kind of say it and then you start extemporaneously kind of adding stuff to and speaking naturally.
But my understanding is there are a lot of people out there that when they get presentations or speeches, especially in front of large audiences, are super duper nervous.
And one way to reduce that nervousness is literally to write everything out, because you know if things go bad, you have a backup.
Well, that's true.
But I would, I had seen though, with my own eyes people script it and then they start reading it and they sound like robots.
Do you have anything to say about that?
Yeah, that's just practice.
That's just reps.
Again, what a time we live in.
I mean, really, what a time we live in.
There's unlimited resources on any topic that anybody would ever be interested in.
And I'm a big Winston Churchill fan.
And he had a particular way of writing his.
He wrote his verbatim too, but he had a particular way of writing it to where it made it easier for him to read and know when to pause and know when to extemporize.
Speak off the cuff.
Yeah.
Speak off the cuff.
So there's actually, you know, It's not like reading a page from a book.
There's ways to design the pages.
There's ways to write reminders and notes and things like that.
That'll make it look more extemporaneous.
But I'll tell you something else.
A lot of people think speeches where somebody gets out there and just starts talking and has no notes are more persuasive than somebody standing behind a lectern going through their notes.
That's not true.
People want to know what you want to tell them.
And a lot of the kind of tricks aren't nearly as important.
What's important is what you have to say.
I'll just give you an example.
Let's say there's some talented 45-year-old professional speaker getting up there and talking about some subject.
That's awesome.
And then, let's say, a 15-year-old high school girl walks out there nervous as heck with a piece of paper and stands behind the podium and starts reading.
Who you got to listen to?
The 15 year old.
Yeah, exactly.
She's there.
And like, I want her to succeed.
And you know what?
I can see her right now.
She starts.
She's nervous.
She misses a word or two.
And we're all in the audience.
And what are we doing?
Cheering her on.
Every one of us.
So true.
Not a single one of us is gone.
Oh, she messed that word up.
She's stupid.
Why is she here?
Every one of us is like, we want you to succeed.
And, by the way, that's true in almost every public speaking situation.
Your audience wants you to succeed.
Yes, they do.
They really do.
Yeah, I want to dig into a little bit of your take on telling stories.
Because I want to know, since you're coming from a win or lose.
Either you win the case or you don't.
So in your stories you're doing your research, talking to who you need to talk to, reading the facts.
And you don't just tell any story.
You tell a specifically strategic story.
So what are the elements that make a story compelling or change people's thinking?
Let's say that you have the task in a case, that the public opinion is one way and you need the people in the room to.
You need them to move to the other side.
What are you gonna look for in a story to tell these people?
Yeah, so I keep a library of stories.
A lot of them are just in my head.
I literally have an Apple Note on my phone where, every time I hear a good story, something interesting happens, and I'll make a little note about it.
There's a million different ways to tell stories.
There's a million different stories to choose from.
My experience is the stories that work the best are stories that the speaker experienced personally and actually happened.
Like Don't make up stuff that didn't happen.
I'll give you a little trick.
Can I tell you a story?
Tell me a story.
That's one trick.
One way to start a presentation is say, I want to tell you guys a story.
Everybody knows this.
Once upon a time.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you can literally start a speech like this.
You can walk up on stage and say, I want to tell you a story.
And everybody will. immediately go, okay, here we go.
I'm ready for this.
It's so true.
Did you know, Laura?
Did you know, that in five years, over 90 of the United States will have diabetes?
No.
Have what percent?
Over 90%.
No, that's impossible.
Okay.
I just made that up.
The point is, another way to start a story is did you know?
And have it Like don't make up the facts obviously, but have like a really impactful factoid or like a really like really.
That's hard to believe.
Your brain immediately when I said that go that 90 percent that you're thinking about.
But I engage.
What I want you to think about.
Right.
Exactly.
I engage.
And that's what we want our audience to do and not be thinking about their Amazon packages.
Can I ask you a question?
Yeah.
Is that another?
Are you a sports fan?
Not really, but.
You can try.
I mean, I... What do you do for fun?
Like, what's your extracurricular fun activities?
Movie, fashion, food, music.
Cooking, entertaining, going to the beach.
What's your best meal that you... Wow.
Look at this.
I just hijacked your brain.
You did.
You absolutely did.
Another way to start a speech is by asking a question.
When I ask you a question...
I hijack your brain.
Oh, just to give a little communication history.
Again, back to stories.
Why are we so into stories?
Because writing in the history of humanity is a relatively new technology.
And so all human knowledge for thousands of years was what you could remember.
And what can you remember but a story?
That's the other great thing about telling stories Laura, is people remember speeches with stories in them because they're memorable, right.
And facts and data aren't memorable.
Numbers aren't memorable.
Pictures are memorable.
Yeah.
Picture tells a thousand words.
That just means a picture tells a story.
So the other thing I really encourage people to do is to use some imagery, if they can, in presentations.
Now, here's what drives me absolutely bananas.
OK, I see this with lawyers all the time.
And I'm like, did you not read anything about persuasion anywhere before you did this?
The PowerPoint presentation, which literally has slides of words that you are saying anyway.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
That's the worst.
And what that does is it splits people's attention.
It's worse than you realize, Laura.
It splits people's attention.
You cannot do two cognitive tasks at once.
So you're reading what's on the slide and you're paying zero attention to the speaker or vice versa.
So the imagery that you really want is stuff that compliments what you're saying and is memorable.
I'm going to recap some of my takeaways from what you've said so far, which are numerous.
And then I want you Brian, to think about.
Well, Laura should have asked me this question obviously, and she didn't.
So I'm going to have mercy on her audience and share this extremely valuable other thing.
So One of the most recent things that he shared was several ways to start a talk where you grab their attention.
And let me tell you, you want to spend a disproportionate amount of time thinking about your opening and your close.
All right,
And so here we have.
You could ask did you know such and such that 90 of people in five years will have diabetes?
That is not true.
You cannot use that, but you can use, did you know?
You can say, oh, even...
Can I tell you a story?
You can say once upon a time or I even wrote down this other thing.
He said it would be a cool opening.
It's worse than you realize.
Yeah, that's I love it.
I love it.
So, you know, stories, guys, we know that.
But we're thinking, oh, we have to write.
We have to be Winston Churchill and deliver war and peace again.
In our presentation, that's actually a quarterly business update.
No, but make it interesting.
That is your competitive advantage.
If you can make your update more interesting.
So that's the bit on storytelling that Brian has shared with us.
Reframing your nerves.
If you have nerves, that's good.
That means you're excited.
You've got the energy.
The passion persuades.
The body language is important.
Well, we don't want you to focus on it too much, but we are going to leave a good resource in the show notes.
And that the best stories come from your personal experience.
So you have anecdotes from work, from your.
Even the finances, like sales went up or they went down because of this factor.
What is your relationship to that factor?
How did you notice that?
Or, you know, look for a connection to yourself because...
That's another way of showing that you care about your topic.
It's not only the passion, but the story that you have that relates to you.
The imagery, like have a story in the image.
So what did I not ask you?
You got the list absolutely perfect.
I'll leave your listeners kind of this thought.
This is kind of a personal thought to me, because over my career I can remember many, many times that this was something that helped.
Why do most people get nervous?
Because they're worried about what other people are going to think.
They're worried they're not going to do as well as they want to do.
And the number one thing like when I go to trial, I write at the very top of my opening statement and all my exams and my closing arguments.
I write a note to myself.
And it's the same note every single time.
And it says, be yourself.
That's a good one.
Everybody listening to me right now.
I promise you, if you just be yourself, be your authentic self, you will be more than good at it.
You will succeed.
It's where people try to be something they're not.
People try to copy somebody maybe that they look up to.
People sniff out inauthentic people in half a sec.
That's one of the best things that humans do.
So if you be yourself, I don't want to sound.
Remember that guy on Saturday Night Live was his name Stuart Smalley.
You're good enough.
You're smart enough.
And by golly, I don't want to sound like him.
But you know what?
That's not a bad way to motivate yourself before a speech because it's true.
It is true.
And all people really care about when you give a presentation is that you care about what you're talking.
Yes.
Oh, my gosh.
That was so good.
All right, everybody.
I'll just close by saying you're welcome to the people listening.
I brought you the best, and to brian beckham from houston, texas.
Thank you so much.
You've shared a wealth of tips from somebody who's in the trenches every single day and i really appreciate this.
This is really wonderful, thank you.
Wonderful time, laura.
Thank you for having me on.
All right, that was amazing.
I have been using the reframing nervousness as excitement for a long time.
It's something that you have to constantly remind yourself of if you're getting nervous.
He says to lead with passion.
I'm not really crazy about the word passion, but whatever you're enthusiastic about it's, excited about it's care.
It's really about what is important to you.
That's He gave me some practical help on finding those personal stories to communicate expertise.
That's so valuable.
And if you're someone who relies on your expertise, your credentials, your preparation, your deck full of bullet points to carry the room, but then you still leave wondering like not sure if I really connected.
This episode is your wake up call.
Brian shared, that you're caring about something is more persuasive than credentials will ever be, and yet your ability to tell the right story is what makes you unforgettable, not the number of facts you rattle off.
So if you've spent time being technically brilliant but still feeling overlooked and underestimated, i suggest that you get access to the my executive presence scorecard, because it's going to give you an assessment on the four pillars that make up executive presence and give you a little view of your strengths and opportunities.
If you would like to have that, simply email me at hello at speakupwithlaura.com.
Put the word score in the subject line and I will get it to you.
Have a glorious day and I will catch you on the next episode.
