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What if kittens played the glockenspiel?
And what if unicorns were real?
What if you could fly or travel back in time?
We welcome you to what if world.
This is What If World.
Hey there folks, and welcome back to What If World, the show where your questions and ideas inspire off-the-cuff stories.
I'm Mr. Eric, your host, and today I am joined by Andy Griffiths.
He's a children's author published all over the world.
His books include the Treehouse series and the Just series.
Andy Griffiths was appointed the Australian Children's Laureate for 2026 and 2027.
And his latest series You and Me, just released its second book, You and Me and the Peanut Butter Beast.
They're these just massive adventures.
They have amazing illustrations by Bill Hope on every page.
My kids and I, we read both books consecutively over the course of a week.
We just couldn't put them down.
And we'll continue to follow this series closely.
So I give you the very funny, very talented Andy Griffiths.
Hey, thank you very much.
Great to be here.
Australian Children's Laureate.
That must be like quite the honor.
I don't know how that happened because I'm really the clown of Australian children's literature.
And I think they felt sorry for me and they said, look...
He's been doing these books that kids love for 25 years.
Let's give him a pat on the head.
And I was delighted.
That's wonderful.
I tried really hard to be a serious, proper writer, but there was this voice that kept coming through.
When he was about 10 years old and he loved comics and he loved silly humor.
And it was obviously me at 10 going, give me that pen.
I'll take over here.
And I was like, okay, you got this.
I mean and that's the amazing thing is like you listen to that voice, you followed that path and look where it has led you.
We have just read You and Me and the Peanut Butter Beast.
That's the second book in your series.
I love it.
I mean, there's this giant peanut butter slug in it.
So before we jump into the story, we do, of course, have to get a what if?
Question from one of our listeners.
So we're going to play this as a call in question from a listener named Saffron.
Hi, my name is Saffron.
I love hugs.
And my what if?
Question is what if Fred the dog got turned into peanut butter, with chocolate chips for his ears and chocolate fudge for his nose?
And Jeff Cat had to keep him safe.
Thank you.
Bye.
Okay.
Oh, there's a dilemma.
My first thought is that you would be almost incapable of resisting the temptation to eat poor Fred because he's so beautiful.
Oh, man.
Well, you're about to meet Fred, the dog who you know.
We hope he doesn't get eaten entirely in this episode, but how could one resist?
Hey there, folks.
Hang tight for this quick ad break.
Then we'll get right back to the show.
This is What If World.
Now Andy, we are going to start the story any moment now.
But the Peanut Butter Beast, the second book in this series.
There's sort of a runner, like a running gag in it, like about holes.
Yeah, well, there's two main characters, which is me, the author, and you, the reader.
And I'm reminding you of the time we went into the forest, into the deep dark forest, and we found a deep dark hole.
And you said, how deep is the hole?
And I said, let me drop this rock down and I'll count the seconds, do a little calculation.
But we never heard the rock hit the bottom.
And you said, I've got a better idea.
I'm going to jump in.
And I said, no, that's a terrible idea.
But it was too late.
You'd already jumped in.
So I had to jump in to save you.
You know, I should have warned you.
When we're talking about What If World, we're kind of on the cusp of the what if and the what is.
So there seems to be a large hole widening underneath your chair and your studio right now.
I don't, yeah, just got to watch out for that.
Now you mention it.
Yes.
Yeah.
So I'm sorry.
Oh, okay.
Oh, just hold on tight.
Okay.
Okay.
I mean, tuck and roll.
I don't know.
Uh, Bye-bye, Andy!
And Andy landed very softly on a pile of peanut butter.
Scratch.
Well, that was a close one.
It wasn't close, Eric.
I actually fell down the hole.
Oh, yeah.
No, I mean, it was close for me.
The hole didn't quite get to me, so I'm still cozy and narrating from here in what is world.
Hey, who's this on this ball of peanut butter?
Said Fred the dog, who, as you probably know, is a pug with a tongue too long for his mouth.
Yeah, this was the peanut butter we were going to use for our show, Incredible.
Me and JFK over here.
Well, you shouldn't have left it at the bottom of the hole.
Oh, that's true.
That's true.
We were trying to hang some lights around the hole to sort of hide it in plain sight, so to speak.
But that's going to be a problem.
I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean to fall down the hole.
It just happened.
No, it's okay.
It's what it would.
Banana and stuff like that happens all the time.
Oh, but you're wearing some really, really fancy clothes and they looks like they're turning into peanut butter.
Oh goodness, i was wearing my best three-piece suit because i'm on what if world.
I wanted to look good, Don't worry.
I'll just lick it off for you.
That's okay.
I mean, dogs shouldn't lick too much peanut butter.
It actually really upsets their tummies, but I'm an imaginary dog, so it's probably... Yeah.
Oh, no.
My suit's disappearing.
Well, now it's more like a two-piece suit.
It's like a really nice vest and a fancy pair of slacks.
But I'm feeling really strange.
Yep, you're turning into peanut butter.
Although you do have chocolate chips for ears and chocolate fudge for a nose, so that's something.
Yeah, you look really tasty, Fred.
You're making me a little bit hungry.
I seen that look before.
No eating the main character of What If World.
I mean, main character's a bit of a stretch.
Well, you ate my jacket.
Isn't it fair that I can eat you?
My tail is very curly and long.
You could probably have a little bit of pizza.
Just have half the, oh, actually.
Yeah, just go ahead.
Yeah, just go ahead.
That's actually really nice.
Could I just have a little bit more, like one inch more?
Wait a second, wait a second.
I don't want to get eaten.
I'm the host of this show.
I'm going to do a cooking segment.
All my peanut butter's ruined.
Come on, here.
Andy, I'll get you into a chef's costume, okay?
You can help me co-host the show while Fred takes care of this whole peanut butter situation.
Cool.
Let's do it.
Let's get off that vest, those slacks now.
We'll get you in these chef's pants and apron.
Oh, and a fancy hat.
Oh, you're looking good.
Okay.
Mmm.
You are some sort of race car driver or something?
No, I'm an author, a children's author.
I make up stories.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Oh, that's fantastic.
We make food.
We have to make it sound good, but usually it's not very good because it's a dog and a cat cooking.
So just let's just go get some peanut butter and whip something up.
All right.
And it was at that moment that who should appear but the peanut butter beast, a massive slug entirely made of peanut butter that also eats peanut butter.
Don't think too hard about it.
Meat people eat meat.
You know, it's it's fine.
Peanut butter.
Peanut butter.
You might want to hide already on it.
You know, do the show and, you know, make some peanut butter stuff for the peanut butter beast.
That's all.
Peanut butter.
Wall, that was our best studio, Wall.
You broke the fourth wall, peanut butter beast.
Yeah, peanut butter.
Andy okay well, let's do.
I mean, I think the first thing is basically just what?
Peanut butter on toast.
That's kind of the most basic thing, right?
Yeah, it's better than eating the dog.
Peanut butter on toast, let's make that.
Have we got a toaster?
Okay, okay, yeah, all right, yeah.
Just, okay, I'll stick it in the toaster.
This is high-level cooking.
Okay, it's eating the toaster.
Peanut butter on toast.
Oh, and the peanut butter beast ate the toast and the toaster and it didn't stop there.
Now it's going to the pantry and starting to eat all the rest of the peanut butter.
They haven't even had a chance to make it into anything.
No, no.
That's what it likes.
It is one track mind.
It just wants peanut butter.
I understand that.
But you've got to understand that you're on a cooking show.
You've got to get curious.
We're going to do things with peanut butter that you've never imagined.
We're going to expand your peanut butter palette, so to speak.
Peanut butter.
Exactly.
I have no imagination.
I just want peanut butter.
But have you ever tried it with cinnamon?
No.
Have you got some?
Yeah, just check in the spice cabinet.
We got some over there.
Fred, the dog, stretched out his tongue to help the peanut butter beast by sprinkling some cinnamon over some peanut butter.
Now just go ahead.
Blech.
What?
Blech.
No.
Blech.
Horrible.
It's good that you were curious.
It can take many tries to enjoy a new type of food, you know?
No, I just want peanut butter.
Peanut butter.
Oh, and at that very moment, it saw where Fred's peanut butter tongue was retracting.
Mmm, I want that.
Peanut butter tongue.
Don't eat the co-host.
Well, actually, then it would be, the show would be in J.F.
Catable.
No, that title doesn't work at all.
Give me friends.
Here, take this smartphone.
It has a peanut butter app on it.
You can play peanut butter blasters and look at peanut butter as long as you want.
I don't want to look at peanut butter.
I want to eat peanut butter.
That's fair.
Yeah, you know, we really should focus on really experiencing our foods and not distracting ourselves at the dinner table with devices and whatnot.
Unless they're made out of peanut butter.
Can I eat the phone?
Can I eat the apple?
I mean, you can and you already did.
But in the future, if you see devices at the dinner table, don't eat them.
You know, put them aside.
Stick them in a box totally out of sight.
Sit down for your meal and really experience it.
Yeah, yeah.
That's the incredibleness of a real meal.
Peanut butter.
And I imagine that that was the sound of the peanut butter beast agreeing.
Look, I think it was.
He's very limited vocabulary.
They're putting peanut butter ice cream in front of it, peanut butter cups, peanut butter pancakes.
Peanut butter hamburgers.
Oh, peanut butter hamburgers, oh my gosh.
Actually, that sounds kinda good, doesn't it?
I would try it, I would try it.
A peanut butter-rito.
Peanut butter-rito.
Just like a burrito, but full of peanut butter.
I think he might like that.
Yes, yes.
You keep saying peanut butter while eating peanut butter.
You should either do the saying or do the eating.
You know, take small, controlled bites.
This is a choking hazard.
I mean, I guess maybe unless you're a giant slug.
Yeah, he's right, peanut butter beast.
You shouldn't talk while you're eating.
Peanut butter!
So there's no talking to him.
He's out of control.
It looks like he sort of finished saying the word peanut butter and then ate.
There was a momentary separation.
That's progress, right?
We can't learn it all in one day.
That's manners.
Just then, who should show up but...
Jimmy and Johnny Knucklehead.
Now Andy, these are two of the most infamous characters from the You and Me series, but also two of my favorites and absolutely my kids' favorites.
Yeah, Johnny Knucklehead is kind of our frenemy.
He turns up on our adventures and sometimes he helps us, but other times he's just as likely to steal the treasure or whatever we've found.
So we don't trust him and we don't really like him, but...
Yeah, there he is.
And he's got a giant knuckle for a head.
Yeah, literally a hand.
Just big bodies with giant hands for heads.
His brother Jimmy is a twin and they argue all the time.
And they're sort of from the streets of New York.
Yes, and their catchphrase.
Oh, so long, suckers.
Here I am, here I am, Jimmy Knucklehead at your service.
What's going on here?
Hey, yeah, it's me, Johnny Knucklehead, and look over here, this is my brother Jimmy Knucklehead.
We look exactly alike, and we sound exactly alike.
What are you staring at?
You've never seen a couple of knuckleheads before?
Not literal knuckleheads, no.
What are you doing here?
We're peanut butter wranglers, right?
Isn't that what we're doing here?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what we're doing here.
We wrangle peanut butter.
We make it do whatever we want.
We can turn it into a big sculpture.
We can build a building out of it.
We can make a plane.
We can go flying in a peanut butter plane.
You obviously have a peanut butter problem here, so you need the Knuckleheads to solve it for you.
Yeah.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind not getting eaten by the peanut butter beast, and we're running very low on peanut butter, so you gotta do something to distract it.
Yeah, we're going to just give it this special one more peanut butter treat for the beast.
Then that'll, you know, put it to sleep, make it nice and malleable.
Yeah.
Hey, Jimmy, what do you got over there?
Is that a peanut burrito?
Yeah, and it's got a special device in it called... Yeah.
What did we call it?
Peanut... Mida... The Mida Butter device.
Yeah, and don't worry about what it does.
It's healthy.
It's good for peanut butter bees.
So just go ahead and eat it.
Yeah, yeah.
So they wrapped it up in a flour tortilla and put it on a plate in front of the peanut butter beast.
But the beast had learned a lesson or two and was starting to take tinier bites.
Oh.
Oh, that's very good.
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
Wow, such controlled slurping.
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you very much.
Hey, no, no, no, no, no.
You're supposed to eat it whole.
That way the device doesn't... What?
And when the peanut butter beast found the device... Huh?
That's not peanut butter.
I can't eat that.
No no, you were supposed to eat it, and then everything that was peanut butter that you touched would turn into gold and we'd be rich.
Jimmy, we should have hidden it in a less conspicuous or more conspicuous.
I always get those two mixed up.
Yeah, that's because you're not as smart as me, Jimmy.
Johnny.
Johnny, I mean Jimmy, if I were as smart as you, then I would get my name right more yet or less often.
Forget about it.
Okay, okay, maybe we're not peanut butter wranglers.
Maybe we were just going to make ourselves rich with the peanut butter beast.
Yeah.
Well, you know what?
Hey, thanks for trying to help.
Trying counts for a lot around here.
And so you still win the prize of Andy's fancy clothes.
Yes, he gets to go home in his brand new chef's outfit and you get the peanut butter vest and the peanut butter pants.
But this was my suit.
Sorry, Andy.
Fred just kind of gives people stuff away sometimes.
I'm not sure what to... Well, I guess they're made of peanut butter anyway, so...
Oh, whoa, this peanut butter vest fits me great.
Hey, Jimmy, yeah, would you try on those slacks?
If they don't fit you, I mean, they probably fit me since we're identical.
They fit me.
They fit me all right.
They fit me better than you.
No, I want those.
I know how to wear a pair of slacks.
Yeah, well, clearly you don't know how to wear a... Wait a second.
Are these made of... What were these made of again?
Peanut butter.
Peanut butter.
Something about saying peanut butter was fraught.
And I was telling myself, don't say peanut butter too many times for some reason.
Now I can't remember why.
Peanut butter.
Oh, boy.
They're in for it now.
Peanut butter.
Hey, Jimmy.
I think the beast is after us.
Jimmy, is there any peanut butter?
And delivering their famous catchphrase.
So long, suckers!
Jimmy and Johnny Knucklehead the Knucklehead brothers ran off, chased close behind by the peanut butter beast.
Wow, good job, peanut butter beast.
You didn't have devices at the table.
I'm so proud of you.
Yeah, but should you chase after your food?
Is that rude?
You ate half of my tail earlier.
Talk about rude.
I asked you.
I asked permission.
Come on.
That's true.
That's true, actually.
And you know what?
Actually, in all of this mess, a little chip of my chocolate chip ear came off.
So you can have that, too.
I don't need it.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, no.
No, that's earwax.
That was...
That was not converted into peanut butter.
That was a mean trick, Fred.
Yes, but it was a necessary trick because it was teleporting earwax.
And it's taking you back to your studio.
Goodbye, Andy.
Goodbye, Fred.
Goodbye, Kat.
Keep writing weird books, Andy.
Keep cooking.
The end.
Andy, we did it.
Whoa.
I think the knucklehead brothers did it and the dog.
They were a help to us.
That was great.
Absolutely.
That was a journey.
I love just getting to hear the peanut butter beast.
In the book, his dialogue is a little more limited. he still, a lot happens.
I mean, I don't want to spoil it, but you know, it just keeps going.
The ridiculousness, you always find a way to heighten it in interesting ways.
What inspired you to do this, this You and Me series specifically?
We got a lot of letters from our readers over the years saying, can you put me in the book?
And yeah, can you put me and my friend in the book?
You know, we want to be characters with you.
And I'm always the main character in any adventure that I write.
I find, even though it's often untrue, always untrue.
I find it helps me to make it believable if I pretend it's happening to me and that I'm just telling you this crazy thing that happened.
Yeah.
I just brought the reader in as the other character and we dress them in a cardboard box, helmet and full body adventure suit.
So you can't see what gender they are, what nationality, what age they are.
The you and me can be anyone.
That's really one of the most beautiful things about it.
It feels very inclusive and very welcoming.
And I really do feel like listeners of What If World will like that aspect of it most of all because you know we do get a similar question sometimes.
Like, what if I was in that story?
I think it's what happens in any good story is you identify with the character, and that's why reading is so great, because you go on this long imaginary adventure as if it's happening to you.
Yeah.
And that's why I love books and storytelling.
Yeah.
Me too, so much.
You and me, they can get it pretty much anywhere books are sold.
I've seen it around.
Is there some place they should go to find it online?
I think whatever your favorite online bookseller is, is the best place to find it.
But I do love physical bookshops. because when you're in that bookshop looking for a particular book, you find other ones that you didn't know you needed.
And so.
Absolute same here with our family.
So go to your favorite bookshop, get you and me, enjoy it.
Let me know what you think about it.
Maybe it'll inspire a what-if question.
You can send it to us, or you can look up Andy and send him some ideas as well.
I love it when people read my books and then want to write their own.
They realize if he can do this, I can do this probably even better.
And I'm like, yes, go.
It definitely happened with my eldest already started writing a book.
So, yeah.
So thank you.
Thank you for coming on the show, for sharing your imagination with us.
Is there anyone you want to shout out before we say goodbye?
Shout out to Bill Hope, my illustrator, and his wife who've just had a little baby.
He's called Arlo.
And, interesting thing, he's made of peanut butter.
What are the odds?
Yeah, i don't know how that happened.
Well, congratulations to bill and arlo.
Welcome to the world, andy.
Thank you so much for coming on the show today and i hope we'll see you again sometime.
Thank you eric, it's been fantastic.
All right, take care.
Bye.
I'd like to thank Karen O'Keefe, my co-creator.
Andy Griffiths, our special guest.
And the author of You and Me and the Peanut Butter Beast, Bill Hope, the illustrator of the book, who also lent us their amazing cover art that we used as part of the episode artwork.
My producer, Miss Lynn, who has been putting together all of our amazing episode artwork for years now.
Thank you.
Craig Martinson, as always, for our theme song.
And all you kids at home who eat with good table manners, because it's not really about the manners part so much as the safety part.
After all, you don't want to eat a Mita Butter device.
And until we meet again, keep wondering.
This is What If World.
