What if kittens break the glass?
What if you could fly or travel back in time?
We welcome you to What If World Greetings adventurers and welcome back to Guilds and Goblins, the What If World show, where your questions and our live in-the-moment dice rolls inspire off-the-cuff adventures.
I'm Zack Jamaloo, your host and guild master for the first time ever.
Hooray!
You go, Zack.
Joined by my two best friends Lola Rabbit.
Lola rabbit here, of course, my character in guilds and goblins is a storm dragon named amara stormtide.
She's also like a detective with storm magic powers and she talks like this.
And then, of course, there's my friend Skelly the Squid.
And my character's name is Pennypasta.
They're a pasta-puss chef.
Like a weird alien creature made of noodles that loves to cook.
And then there's my sister Zizi.
Yes, I'm ZZ Jamilu and I am back!
Hooray!
Oh, it's been forever!
Yeah, except her talk wasn't the same level as these characters, so ZZ made a new character.
That's right.
My character's name is Stream.
Her pronouns are she, her, and you won't meet her right away.
So maybe I'll describe her when you do.
I mean, that's not normally how we do things, but whatever.
Let's get started with some what if questions.
Zachary, are you okay?
Are you kidding?
It's my first time as GM, so yes.
Okay, it's just, you seem alert.
Our first question is a Colin from a listener named Gloria.
My name is Gloria, and I like unicorns.
What's your what if question?
What if Scribbler Night falls into a bottomless pit?
Thank you.
Oh, I thought this was so funny.
Scribno is usually my character.
He's a doodle knight.
Like a stick figure drawing come to life.
And he wields a magic pencil.
And he talks like this.
But apparently today...
I, Scribno, am going to fall in a bottomless pit, which is deeply unfortunate, as I won't get to meet this stream character, probably.
But you could just introduce me a little earlier.
I'll introduce you when it makes sense, ZZ.
Now let's move on to our first patron question from Theda and Odysseus.
Who asked, what if Zach was the GM?
Oh, thank you so much for finally giving me my shot.
I would have let you GM anytime you wanted, Zach.
Okay, cool, sure.
So we've got a couple of secret questions. from patrons AJ and Logan.
I don't know if we'll get to them in this first adventure, because it's probably going to be a two-parter, but I want to thank everyone who shared their GG ideas, and then we're all going to return to the magical realm of Berend.
And find out what if Zack was the GM?
What if Scribno falls into a bottomless pit?
Plus some secret questions that we'll reveal when the time is right.
Your adventure starts after a quick break.
And here we are back on Berend.
If you haven't heard the most recent Cryptid Kids episodes number 9 and number 10, you can go back and have a listen or you can just catch up with our quick recap.
Things will look intense, as Cthunkle was trying to get his tentacles on the Neverrock.
To become, like, the supreme overlord of all reality, I guess?
Fortunately, Scribno the Doodle Knight, Pennypasta and Amara Stormtide.
Whoa um ZZ.
You weren't actually there for this adventure, so i know, but mama jama told me all about how the adventure went.
I've got this zz okay.
So the cryptid kids treated uncle with kindness and convinced him to go back to what if world, leaving the three of us stuck on the surface of berend, an unfamiliar world full of strange magic and probably sci-fi stuff too.
Now, because it's like a thousand years in the future, dogopolis is the most advanced scientific culture, but technology hasn't spread across all of berend yet.
Most people are still relying on hard work or magic to do what needs doing.
Wow, you three really have had some cool adventures.
Thanks, ZZ.
Yeah, it's been pretty rad.
Uh-huh.
Well, I'm really glad I get to be here for this one.
Yeah, you've been in advanced magic classes after school.
Sounds like a lot of work, ZZ.
Oh, totally, and I had to study so hard that I just couldn't make it to any of the last games.
I've really missed all three of you.
And you missed my excellent adventure!
Yeah, Mamma Jamma, but it sounded like so much fun.
Okay, let's try to focus.
Oh, sorry, Zack.
Oh, excuse me for talking to my daughter while also making all you kids dinner.
You're excused, Mom.
So now Scribno, Amara and Pennypasta are back at the base of the Silver Spire, staring out at a vast wilderness, wondering what challenge they'll face next.
Why don't you go back to that feather mansion and get us some tips from Swansong?
The feather what?
That's a great idea, Penipasta.
Remember the indescribably beautiful feather mansion?
Yeah, that's where Swansong helped lead you to Cthunkle and help you understand what happened.
Right, no, of course.
It was just like... a couple of months ago that we were able to play.
I know, it's so hard to remember everything as the GM.
Which is why your fellow players help you remember.
Okay, so you go back to the Swansong Mansion, but you landed far from where you began in Berend. you'll have to cross a narrow bridge of feathers stretching over an incredibly deep, some might say bottomless, canyon.
I'm gonna stretch out my noodle arms and legs, and well, they're all just kinda arms.
Cause I'm a bastard puss.
And I'll tie these noodles around my body.
I shall attempt to, but being two-dimensional, they keep sort of slipping off.
Then we proceed very carefully until we- A sudden gust of wind blows a Scribno away from you, like when you blow a tiny ant off a table.
Amari will try to use the wind to catch him in a cloud.
It's too late.
He's already falling.
I'll grow my pastopus arms and reach down into the.
He's falling faster than you can grow and reach.
You quickly lose sight of him.
Carry on without me, fellow cryptid king.
Sheesh, we couldn't do much to stop that.
Well, it was a wonderful question.
Well, I thought that Penipasta and Amara Stormtide had some great ideas to save Scribno, even if they didn't work.
Just when you think that Scribno has fallen to his doom.
You see?
A giant mechanical-looking egg with tiny wings flapping as fast as a bumblebee's, fly up and out of the canyon from the exact same place that you first lost sight of Scribno.
Now I see.
Scribno was a rescue captured by some kinda egg robot.
Can Amara fly after it?
Not for long.
It's just going too fast.
Then she's gonna fly down into the bottom-ish pit.
And just double-check that Squibno's not still falling.
Why don't you role-learn for me?
To see what you can notice or remember about what just happened.
Okay, Amara's character sheet says that she rolls plus one dice when looking for clues.
Oh yeah, so you know how you usually roll a d20 and then for learn, Amara adds a d6.
Yeah, so now you can roll a d6 plus an extra die, which is a d4, and you take the highest of the two rolls.
I roll one day six and one day four.
I take the higher of the two of those and then i add it to a d20.
Exactly oh, that's an 18 on the d20.
Then i also rolled a three and the six, so i keep the six because that's higher.
That's an 18.
Plus 6, which equals?
Math homework.
18 plus 6 is 24.
You find, in the side of the chasm, Scribno's magic pencil.
I'll fly that back over to Penipasta.
And as soon as you land with it, The magic pencil scribbles a new Scribno!
Hey, you're back!
I'm afraid not for long.
The real Scribno is safe inside that strange egg contraption.
I am merely a temporary duplicate.
So what's happening to the real Scribner?
I cannot say.
He's being flown somewhere far off.
Though it does not feel as if the egg has changed direction.
So I guess we just head off in the direction it came?
Scribner?
As you speak, Penipasta, an orange and green flash of light Blasts at the center of the bridge.
Oh, finally, it's my character.
It's an incredibly tall and skinny, hunched-looking alien creature.
Shiny and green, as if their body was made of taffy that had been pulled too far.
Oh, so not my character.
I am through, says the alien as it approaches you.
Long limbs flapping in the breeze off the bridge.
Greetings, Frew.
We are the cryptid kids.
Well, he's more like a duplicate of a cryptid kid, but never mind.
I appear whenever someone complains about math homework.
Oh, that was me, but I actually already solved the problem.
Not your problem.
His.
And Fru points towards Scribno.
You must calculate the trajectory and likely destination of the egg that flew off with your original self.
I'm afraid that math is quite beyond me.
I'm really more of the artistic type.
Nevertheless, I can do your homework for you.
I don't like the sound of that.
No one asked, Mama Gemma.
No one ever prospers from having someone else do their homework, that's all.
Yeah, why don't you tell us what's in it for you?
I am through and far between.
My people seek to solve all the math in the universe, thus creating harmony.
Yeah, how many doesn't sound so bad.
Okay, yeah.
Do script don't schmatt homework, right?
If you say so, then sure.
I could briefly see through my egg as it closed, and I can tell it took off in this direction.
And Scribd now sort of draws out the trajectory of the egg in the air using his magic pencil.
Are you certain of this data?
Excuse me, I never forget a line.
Straight or curved, I can vouch for him on this one.
Then, according to your data factoring for wind resistance, altitude and topography, Scribno's egg is likely to land here, provided its path is constant.
And Fru stretches out its green taffy body until its belly is long and flat like a big piece of paper.
Then it draws a map on its own belly.
Zack, that is such a weird and cool alien.
Oh, thanks.
Okay, I'm gonna copy the map, you know, but with the pasta noodles.
That way we can take it with us.
Okay, so you make like a macaroni map to match Fru's very scientific map.
I mean, you have an idea of where to.
Oh, to thank our patron AJ, who asked what if Scribdome met an alien on a bridge named Frew, who said they would complete his math homework.
What an absolutely mind-bending question.
Thank you for this mind-bending math problem.
You have but to call for Frew and Farbetween if you need help with your math homework in the future.
That wasn't exactly help, you know.
We didn't really learn much yet, but But Frew seems to stretch up and away into the sky and out of sight.
Pennypasta takes the macaroni map and starts following it to where Scribno probably ended up.
Oh, my character might be able to help them get there faster.
Well, it doesn't make sense for your character to just pop out of nowhere.
Zack, let your sister's character show up out of nowhere.
Aw, Mom!
It's either that or come help me cut carrots.
Wait, did she say cutting carrots?
Oh, don't fall for this again, Lola.
It's just she knows my weaknesses.
And you know that carrots shouldn't be a staple in any rabbit's diet due to their relatively high sugar and starch content.
Yeah, but your mom doesn't know that, and I'd rather keep it that way.
Oh, carry on.
I'd love to come help you with those carrots, Mrs. Jammer.
Oh, so polite.
Yeah, so Amara goes to scout ahead, while Lola goes to get herself a little treat.
Um, that sort of makes me the only player at the table.
Maybe it would make sense to introduce ZZ's character?
Fine.
On your way to catch up with Amara, who flew off.
You see ZZ's character appear out of nowhere for no good reason.
Actually, appearing out of nowhere is sort of her specialty.
Hi, I'm Stream.
I'm a unitar that's like a centaur but unicorn instead of horse.
What are you doing in my woods?
Just a passing through.
So no need to get all pokey with your unitar horn, you know.
You see that stream is wearing a fitted purple vest and has what you cryptid kids might think of as a camera from your world.
But in Berend, it's a high-tech instrument from Dogopolis called the Holocam.
So I guess you're just doing some nature photography.
I'll leave you to it then.
Oh no, I'm like trying to stay hidden.
Because a lot of my people have been captured by these weird egg things.
You haven't seen any, have you?
Wait, ZZ, we didn't discuss what happened to your people.
But you introduced those eggs and I thought I could work them into my backstory.
And it might make the adventure more interesting.
It's my adventure, and it's plenty interesting.
Oh, I didn't mean that.
I like what you're doing.
That's why I made this decision.
Zack.
You've clearly got some feelings towards ZZ that you're not expressing.
And, um, it's kind of getting in the way of the game.
Oh.
It's fine, Zack.
I actually have a lot of studying I should do.
And I'm all finished cutting carrots and, you know, dropping a few in my mouth, so let's just play.
Actually, I think that now would be a really great time for us all to take a break.
Not because I'm having any kind of big feelings, but it's just that.
Um, You're gonna help your mom serve dinner.
Exactly, ma'am.
And set the whole table and do all the dishes afterwards, too?
Now you're pushing it.
Yes, of course.
But we're gonna keep playing after dinner.
Uh, yeah, sure, if you're not too tired.
We're barely getting started.
Then you can all keep playing without me.
Okay, you kids.
Go set up the dinner table.
I'm going to talk to the folks at home.
Will Zack let ZZ play?
Why do you think he's having such a problem with his big sister?
Have you ever had big feelings toward a sibling or close friend that you had trouble expressing?
What do you think Zack could do differently?
Maybe your ideas can inspire your next What If?
As for this adventure, it will continue next week.
So we'd like to thank Theda and Odysseus, AJ, Gloria, and Logan.
You're gonna have to wait a couple of weeks, I think, before your big question is revealed.
Ooh, but it's a good one.
Where's the ketchup?
You don't need ketchup on a casserole.
Okay, I gotta go.
But I'd like to thank Eric O'Keefe and Karen O'Keefe, co-creators of What If World, our producer, Miss Lynn Craig Martinson for our theme song, and all you kids at home who know that feelings you keep bottled up find a way to sneak out.
So share your feelings with the people you love.
And until we adventure again, keep wondering.
