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Hello everybody and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s. the podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology.
Hello everybody, welcome back to the show, welcome back to the podcast. new listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world.
It is so great to have you here back for another episode. as we of course break down the psychology of your 20s. anxiety feels like such a curse.
I'm just going to come out. And say it.
I think a lot of us have probably wished for a day where...
We weren't anxious. Just one day. What might that be like?
All we've considered. you know, what our lives would look like if we weren't held back by these hypothetical fears about what may or may not happen, what others might think, what disaster await, what terrible things could go wrong in our future.
It is a huge burden at times and Even if it comes and goes in waves, me and my anxiety, my power, we go way back.
I remember distinctly so clearly having my first ever panic attack about the movie and The Neverending Story when I was eight years old at like a school movie night.
And since then, I've always had these moments of just... extreme panic and anxiety that can go on for months or would just be this baseline of just nervousness. for kind of as long as I can remember.
I think I said in a recent episode that There have even been times in my life when I've worried about the fact that I'm not anxious about anything.
Which is absolutely bizarre. I really begun to realize that. my anxiety was almost comforting in a strange way.
It provided me with an illusion of security that felt quite nice when actually although it was making me feel nice was making me feel like I could anticipate every single problem that would happen in my life A, that wasn't the case.
Things happened that I never could have thought of.
And B, it was actually taking away from a lot of my experiences and a lot of the joyful experiences. that made up for the anxious ones.
You know, I would just sit... with my anxious thoughts and try and problem solve them, which I think is something that we've all done.
I would try and think my way through a scenario that is completely irrational.
And that is just never going to work because even when on the rare occasion I would get through it. my brain would just present me with a bigger and even trickier So it felt quite never ending.
And then a few years back, I started doing things differently.
I stopped letting my anxiety kind of be the loudest voice in the room.
I stopped letting it you know, always be in control.
And I kind of started finding ways to almost play with my anxious thoughts to like, beat them at their own game, combining what I knew scientifically and psychologically about anxiety and how it operates, but also by kind of playing these mind games, these mind tricks.
And establishing like some pretty really, really useful. tricks and tips and strategies through trial and error.
And what actually made me feel better did require a little bit of work. but it really helped me change my thinking from anxiety as a burden. to anxiety is something that is a part of me that I can make work for me, that I can leverage in some small way.
And that's exactly what I want to talk about today. four of the ways that I've really been able to make anxiety work for me even in really really tough times terrible times really panicky anxious times these strategies have been like my greatest tools and Recently, I really had to put them to the test again, and slowly but surely they have helped me out of a tough situation so I wanted to share it with you I hope that you can learn something.
All of these tips are really practical and accessible.
You could literally try them all today if you wanted.
So I really hope it at least... changes how you think about your anxious thoughts, even if it doesn't change your life.
Without further ado, let's get into the four ways that we can make anxiety work for us.
Thank you. Having a refresher on what anxiety actually is might sound really simple to begin with.
But sometimes when we're really wrapped up in our fear and our panic and our worry. we think that our anxiety means more than it does.
And we really need to be firstly grounded in the fact, grounded in the facts of what we're going through.
You may think you know all the information about anxiety.
There is a lot to know and you probably do know quite a bit.
But when you're operating from a place of survival and pure fear, your ability to actually remember this valuable information becomes quite clouded, you know, you're just not thinking straight.
And we think in those moments that our anxiety is much more valid than it is, that we should believe. every single thought that passes through our brains, that every opinion, made up situation, could be true because we've been hardwired to prioritize thoughts that relate to our survival, that relate to fear, that have an emotional tone to them. even if they're actually not that useful, we think essentially trust that our mind and our body and to a certain extent must be doing what it thinks is best.
It must know what's best. It must be making us pay attention. to these hypotheticals because we are in real danger.
But what we need to realize is that our trust is misplaced because Anxiety's job, and this might shock you, maybe it won't, but anxiety's job is to be irrational. literally its job.
It is to present us with the worst case scenarios to catastrophize, to stress, to project, not to be truthful.
That is not part of its job description.
It's not to see a situation realistically.
And why exactly is that the case? Well, because anxiety is your body and your brain trying to protect you against a perceived threat or a stressful situation Often by exaggerating an outcome or exaggerating something the reality of the situation to either A, help motivate you, or B, try and get you to problem solve before the situation occurs.
You know, I often think about anxiety like your mind trying to give you a practice exam. but all the questions and scenarios are questions and scenarios that you'd never actually encounter in the real world or in the real exam.
And they're often impossible to answer. They'll never show up in real life.
And all the while you're convincing yourself or your anxiety is convincing you. you know, this isn't a practice exam.
This is the real deal. You have to take this seriously.
This could actually be happening right now.
You know, take feeling anxious about the future.
What you're really experiencing is a fear of uncertainty because there is a lot you don't know.
You might not know how your career is going to turn out.
You might not know whether that big risk will pay off, you're gonna meet your people, whether you're gonna find love, So there is a lot of empty space.
There are a lot of unknowns. Our anxiety likes to fill that space. with the worst case scenario to basically say, well, if you can handle this, if you have a plan, then we'll be fine if it comes true.
Here's the thing though, those scenarios rarely, if not ever, come true.
The scenario in which you lose everything in a fire, And you make a huge mistake at work and you never get a job again and all your loved ones die.
That isn't going to come true. The fear of suddenly being diagnosed with a rare disease when... you were otherwise healthy, that isn't going to come true.
Or you know, your thought that Everyone secretly dislikes you.
You've somehow said something to upset all your close friends without anyone mentioning it.
That is false. It's not going to come true.
It is your brain. serving you up scenarios to give you a really vigorous mental and physical workout that So if they were to happen, you would be okay because you've already experienced the anxiety towards this situation. beforehand.
Hopefully that makes a lot of sense to you.
I think when we begin to acknowledge that this is our brain trying to protect us, but just not doing a very great job. or being very helpful at all, we see our situation a bit more clearly and And it has always, always helped me to remind myself that my opinion about a situation is just an opinion.
Nothing more, nothing less. There's often very little evidence for what I'm thinking.
As much as I try, you know, I can't tell the future.
I'm not... I don't have that rare magical ability.
I cannot anticipate how this will work out.
So I just have to be accepting of what comes.
Of course you know that's very easy to think but when your anxiety is accompanied by a number of physical symptoms like shaking like a rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, trembling, nausea, sweating, or that feeling of disassociation or being unreal. it can become even more unpleasant.
And I will say it makes it feel a lot more immediate.
As much as those thoughts may not be true, What you're going through certainly is.
The physical feeling you're going through is very real.
Whether that is displayed through panic attacks, through like consistent underlying anxiety or just intrusive repetitive thoughts it is definitely not a comfortable experience I don't think anyone is like, oh yeah, I love feeling anxious.
That's one of my favorites. And I'm not going to be like some guru who's going to sell you snake oil and say that I can. make that go away immediately or that I can cure you.
But what I do want to talk about is four ways that we can take that feeling and not just completely eliminate it but make it work for us. and make do, leverage the anxious hand, the anxious mind that you've been dealt you know like I said before it's been at least 16 years that I've kind of been in the business of anxiety, but only in the last like two to three that I really started approaching this tension, these feelings, these thoughts. in a way that initially felt so counterintuitive but actually which really, really worked.
And that's the thing that I've learned with anxiety that I've found. you kind of have to beat it at its own game. and just be as irrational and delusional in your belief that you'll be fine. as your anxiety is irrational and delusional in its belief that the world is falling apart.
You need to be just as persistent as your anxiety is and just as imaginative.
But the thing is, is that you already know that you can be all those things because your anxiety is displaying that you have that capability.
You can use the methods that your anxiety is using to scare you to kind of scare it back.
This really brings me to the first way that I stopped fighting my anxiety and really made it work for me.
And that is really tricking myself into believing that anytime I feel anxiety, It's actually just excitement and choosing to label the sensations as differently to how my mind wants to label them.
If my anxious mind wants to make things up, wants to label things differently as a threat when they're not...
If my anxious mind wants to lie to me, well I can lie right back. you know it sounds like I'm fighting this like you know mortal enemy but Here's the thing, right?
There's a perk, not so much a perk, but... something unusual about feeling anxious that works in our favor, anxiety and excitement, are actually incredibly similar on so many dimensions.
And they tend to actually activate the same kind of arousal pathways in our body.
There's a really amazing article from the Harvard Business School titled, get excited, reappraising anxiety as excitement.
And it talks about how both anxiety and excitement are based on not knowing what to expect They're based on high levels of arousal, so basically meaning a similar level of bodily response. to a stimulus and they're based on a sense or a loss of control.
When you're excited, you're going to feel perhaps equally jittery. kind of nervous you're gonna feel your heart rate go up maybe all these thoughts start swirling around about what is possible That's very similar to an anxious state.
The only difference is what we would call positive or negative valence.
So valence or valency is this idea in psychology that describes how different emotions have a different emotional effect, even if they feel the same on a physical level.
So Anxiety and excitement, they feel the same on a physical level but anxiety has a negative valence.
Whereas excitement has a positive valence, meaning that the emotional effect of excitement is... appealing, it's desirable, it makes us more attracted to a situation, whereas anxiety has that negative valence.
It makes us scared, fearful, uncomfortable.
So I want you to tap into that positive emotional valency.
If the only thing that is different is how we interpret a feeling, then tell yourself, Actually, I'm excited by this feeling.
This isn't anxiety. This is excitement about how this is going to turn out.
I'm excited to see how I manage this I'm excited to be able to have this human experience and you know I used this technique a lot when I was getting over my fear of flying I would get incredibly panicked especially during takeoff and so I would just keep repeating that this is actually an excited feeling.
I'm excited by this feeling. This is not anxiety.
These are butterflies. This is not adrenaline.
It's enthusiasm. And that same research paper from Harvard that I referenced before actually concluded that using this technique can improve our performance like a lot in certain situations, especially when it comes to things to do with social anxiety, public speaking, specific phobia situations,
And it's a much better strategy if you know, than trying to just completely shut down our anxiety. completely because going from anxious to calm is a lot harder.
There are a lot more nuances and differences compared from compared to going from anxious too excited because they are on the same kind of end of the spectrum and That is tip number one, but we're gonna take a short break.
I hope that you stay with us. And I hope that you are excited for the next three strategies I have for you when we're back.
Hmm. Hello, my lovely listeners. By now you know, the more knowledge we have about ourselves and the way our bodies work, the more empowered and in control we are.
And this is also true when it comes to our sexual health and what to do after unprotected sex.
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This is Jon Fry from OK Storytime. Are you an aspiring singer-songwriter?
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The easiest way to tell if something is an anxious thought is when it starts with what if.
What if the world collapses? What if my worst fear comes true?
What if I never achieve What I want? What if I lose it all?
A true fear, something that is actually dangerous in the moment. wouldn't require that what if prefix because you would know it was happening.
It would be happening right now in the moment.
And this is really valuable to pay attention to because The moment you find yourself spiraling, overthinking, getting repetitive with your thoughts, And they all start with what if that is anxiety.
That is not reality. It's a thought, not a fact.
Here's how you can make this work for you.
Again, what you're really fearing here is the unknown.
And it's not uncommon for us to have five, six, seven kids Different hypotheticals about what could happen or going at once or swirling around or feeling equally scary and unlikely. what we forget to realise is that they can't all possibly come true. but yet we feel bombarded with an almost cumulative worry, right, that each of these hypotheticals could be a possibility.
And that's one of the first ways that we see that anxiety is really, really irrational because that's not possible.
And I want you to fight these unknowns with knowns.
Yes, you don't know how the future will pan out or what will happen in this situation.
But you do know a lot of things and you are certain of a lot of things.
You know that you are capable. You know that you've survived every situation you've been in before.
You know that this is just anxiety. What else do you know?
You do know that your fears rarely ever come true.
You do know that you are not alone. you do know that many others have been through this and come out the other side.
There is one uncertainty. The uncertainty is what's going to happen in this situation, what's going to happen next.
But there are many, many certainties and that is what I want you to focus on, what you do know, what you are certain of. compared to what you were uncertain of and see how like the certainties end up stacking up in your favor Here's a really great visualization exercise that I use with this as well.
Is I like pretend that I'm holding these certainties in. in my hand and they are these big golden orbs these big like weird golden balls and I like mentally throw them at my fears, at my anxious thoughts.
And I think about the fears as like this big shadowy you know shadowy figure and I'm throwing these big certainty golden orbs at them and they're just crashing through the shadow making it smaller and smaller and smaller, making it fall apart until it's gone.
And these certainties really pierce through that uncertainty, both in the visualization, but also in your life.
Like, you really start to believe that, yes, you do know that this is going to pass. you do know that there are all these factual things that you can rely on. you do know at the very least that you trust yourself to get through this.
That is something that you are absolutely sure of.
The reason that I find this so effective is because it gives me the opportunity to Remember that I am capable no matter what situation I encounter.
Again, anxiety's job is to be irrational.
But so often afterwards, we never get the opportunity to remember What it was we were fearing because it doesn't come true.
So anxiety's job is really to torment us, not to give us factual information. scenarios that we actually are going to encounter, you can Instead, use this situation to learn about yourself to reinforce that you are confident, that you trust yourself rather than trusting your anxiety.
And you've got to remember a lot of people don't get tested this way.
A lot of people go through life just assuming things.
And you're someone who is going to instead take that discomfort, take that All those situations in which you felt fear and really pay attention to the fact that you got through it.
And really remember that for the future, that you are an incredibly strong person. to be facing a battle that is originating from you. that is originating from the deepest fears that you could possibly encounter being made to feel real.
I just think you will experience true pride and joy that you persevered and I want you to Have that experience.
I want you to make that happen for yourself.
Now, the third way that I make anxiety work for me rather than against me is is by personifying my anxiety as something that isn't threatening.
So my mum was actually the one who really inspired me to kind of start thinking about my anxiety this way. because of something that she said to me once when I was really, really stuck.
You know, she'd see me kind of battle with some pretty existential fears for a long time.
And one day she was like, the fears you have now are no different to... when you were a kid and you were scared of the boogeyman or you were scared of the monster in your closet.
It's just all smoke, right? And thinking about my anxiety is this tangible thing that wasn't scary, except for in my imagination, turned a lot of it around for me.
So now I try to personify my anxiety as this is so strange, but as Boo from Monsters, Inc., Now if you've ever seen that movie, it's a classic, I'm assuming that you have but you know boo is the little girl and when she's she's like wearing this little monster costume and she jumps out and she goes like boo and obviously like Sully and Mike Wazowski like get really really scared but it's like It's just a little kid, right?
And that's how I like to imagine my anxiety trying to scare me like a little kid that's like playing and I'm like playing along with them and they're like boo and I'm like oh I'm so terrified how scary but really I can see that it's just this little harmless being this little thing that is you know not actually going to hurt me Because, you know, really your anxiety is just like a little kid playing make believe.
It can't jump out and rip off your limbs.
It can't pull your hair. It can't do anything to you externally.
It is a feeling, and one that has originated from you, So it will not harm you, as uncomfortable as it feels. giving it a name, giving it a little costume, giving it an identity maybe, it lets us remember that what we're really dealing with here is a boogeyman,
Or in my case, you know, a little kid playing dress up who's trying to scare you.
This has the additional benefit of meaning that you can kind of almost speak to your anxiety like it's a person. like it's, you know, an annoying visitor in your house or a little kid, you're asking it to leave, you're in control And you can kind of also tease it and joke around with it and tell it to chill out and One of my friends calls her anxiety Brian, like brain, but with the I.
And the A swap to get the picture. And she's so cute because she'll be like, oh you know Brian is just holding us up today so I'm running a little bit late or You know, Brian is really overthinking this.
Can you tell him to chill out? Can you reassure me?
Now, it's like if she needs to cancel plans, she needs more information, she needs reassurance.
It's not her asking for it, it's Brian. be in a way that kind of reduces some of the stigma or the sense that you're demanding or that You're the problem because this separation of you and your anxiety into a character makes you realize that you are in fact not your anxiety,
You are just a person doing the best they can with what they have and the hand that they have been dealt.
Even if that hand involves a little friend who likes to jump out and scare you.
My final tip today for making your anxiety go away work for you rather than against you for reprogramming our relationship with the state is to take the tension, take the hopelessness, take the nervousness and channel it into something creative.
That energy you have has to go somewhere.
And yes, it can definitely be expressed through tears or panic. or muscle tension or trembling, but it can also be expressed emotionally through creation.
Now I'm not saying production, I'm not saying to take all that. nervous energy and that false alarm focus and be productive and work on you know your school project or whatever it is or work on your assignment or doing something that's necessarily helpful,
I'm saying be creative for a reason because What I think really helps us pro-sex anxiety is building something, molding something for the sake of just making something beautiful.
Anxiety puts us in a state of helplessness, scarcity, stuckness, deficit We feel like life is kind of meaningless at times or like everything. could be taken away from us.
Our safety, our lives are at risk. Creativity is the exact opposite. painting, buying $4 clay from your craft store, knitting, building Legos. scrapbooking, diary entries, writing poetry, whatever it is.
That shows abundance. That shows healing. that shows that you can be in control.
You can put beautiful things back into the world and channel again Yes, that anxiety.
Channel it into something meaningful rather than something meaningless.
I cite this paper all the time. So for my regular listeners.
I am going to sound like a broken record, but a 2021 paper on the positive effects of creativity. looked at over 500 adults who were asked to just engage in a small creative task each day for less than 10 minutes.
And after two weeks, their subjective well-being was measured.
And what they found was that for those who were given the direction, To be creative.
They were so much better. happier and the biggest area where the researchers saw a shift was reduced anxiety.
In my mind, anxiety is just energy. And energy doesn't disappear.
It needs a place to go. It needs direction. when you begin to master your anxiety more, you can kind of channel it in the ways that you want.
And creative expression is one of the easiest ways to do that initially.
You take that energy that is all yours. It is yours to use. and you use it to create, to expand, to build rather than to let your anxiety convince you that nothing changes or your fears come true. they won't i promise this is just a survival instinct this is just A stress response.
Your brain is doing its best to prepare you, but its best is also very... imaginative and out there you know you've got a really creative mind that's what You know, I've had a friend say to me once, she was like, yeah, you're just very creative and...
So take that creativity. You can either use it to make up, cook up like the most crazy hypotheticals. or you can use it to create something beautiful that's going to add to your life.
So, as a refresh before we wrap up, Here are the four ways that you're going to try.
Maybe you can try one, you can try two. You're going to use these to make your anxiety work for you.
Hopefully you will go away and when you feel panic, worry, stress, You will tell yourself that it's excitement.
You will have an ongoing list of the things that you do know. to engulf the things that you don't know you will put a name to your anxiety you'll visualize your worries you'll make a character out of it and finally when your anxiety tells you to be small and tells you to deconstruct your life.
Instead, be creative. Build something, make something, even if it's like terrible, even if it's shit.
Even if you don't think it's particularly pretty, you'll enjoy the process and it will give the energy again. somewhere to go when you turn that creative energy that you have away from the scary hypotheticals and into something beautiful and magnificent.
I really do hope that if you're going through an anxious period, I think that the biggest comfort for me has been knowing that I am not alone and and you're definitely not alone either because i can say hand on my chest that i am feeling it pretty intensely at the moment so we're in the same boat I promise you and we'll get through it.
We definitely will get through it because your body cannot be in this state forever.
It just can't. We know that biologically.
We know that um just when we when we learn about the stress response then it's not possible so please hold on, try some of these tips.
I promise it gets better. I promise this is just your imagination working overtime, which is a beautiful thing sometimes, but... sometimes less than helpful.
And yeah, I hope that you find some peace in your day today.
I some peace if you did enjoy it please make sure that you are following along on Spotify or Apple Podcasts leave a five star review, especially if you're listening on Apple, actually, because we actually don't have many listeners over there.
So Any reviews really do help and of course I read every single one of them so they don't go unnoticed.
And if you have an episode suggestion, if you have a follow up to this episode, a question, a query, an additional tip that you think people might also benefit from please share it with me at That Psychology Podcast.
Until next time, stay safe. Be kind, be gentle to yourself and we will talk soon.
Hello, my lovely listeners. By now you know the more knowledge we have about ourselves and the way our bodies work. the more empowered and in control we are.
And this is also true when it comes to our sexual health and what to do after unprotected sex.
That's where Plan B comes in. It's emergency contraception with no age requirement that helps prevent pregnancy before it starts.
And because it works by only temporarily delaying ovulation, it won't impact your ability to get pregnant in the future.
We love a backup plan that puts us in control because the more we know, the more power we have.
Learn more at planb1step.com, users directed.
This Labor Day, say goodbye to spills, stains and overpriced furniture with washablesofas.com. featuring Anabay, the only machine-washable sofa inside and out, where designer quality meets budget-friendly pricing.
Sofa start at just $6.99, making it the perfect time to upgrade your space.
Anabase pet-friendly, stain-resistant, and interchangeable slipcovers are made with high performance fabric built for real life.
You'll love the cloud-like comfort of hypoallergenic high resilience foam that never needs fluffing, and a durable steel frame that stands the test of time.
With modular pieces, you can rearrange anytime.
It's a sofa that adapts to your life. Now through Labor Day, get up to 60% off site-wide at washablesofas.com.
Every order comes with a 30-day satisfaction guarantee.
If you're not in love, send it back for a full refund.
No return shipping, no restocking fees, every penny back.
Shop now at washablesofas.com. Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.
Every day has a to-do list, but adding Enjoy Belvita to yours can help you knock out the rest of it.
Valdita Breakfast Biscuits are a tasty and convenient breakfast option when paired with low-fat yogurt and fruit that provides steady energy all morning, while Belvita Energy Snack Bites give you the perfect mid-morning refuel Best part, they both taste great.
So make the most out of your morning with a bite of Velveeta.
Pick up a pack of Belvita at your local store today.
The day begins at the Chase Sapphire Lounge by the club at Boston Logan Airport.
You get the clam chowder. In San Diego, it's tostadas.
New York, espresso martini. It's 10 a.m.
Why not? It's the quiet before your next flight, the shower that resets your day, the menu that lets you know where you are.
This is access to over 1,300 airport lounges and every Sapphire lounge by the club.
And one card gets you in. Chase Sapphire Reserve, the most rewarding card.
Learn more at Chase.com slash Sapphire Reserve.
Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase Bank and a member FDIC.
Subject to credit approval. This is an iHeart Podcast.
