Communicating in English at a senior level brings challenges and a lot of doubts.
You start wondering, is it me?
Am I incompetent?
Today I want to normalise the challenges you face to help you realise it's not just you.
Let's crack on.
Hello and welcome back to the Confident Business English podcast.
My name is Anna.
If you've ever not spoken up at a meeting, felt that you were too direct or that you weren't saying it the right way, second guessed yourself all the time you're absolutely in the right place.
In each episode I try to give you something to help build your confidence, step by step, so that you can do yourself justice all your skills and wonderful experience that you have.
In today's episode, I want to focus on mindset.
I'm going to share some of my own personal experiences learning Spanish over the past eight years, and also experiences that clients have told me which I think you'll really resonate with.
Again to come back to this idea that it's not you, it's not a reflection of your incompetence or your inability to do something.
Some things are just outside of our control and it's all about how we frame it.
Let's touch on some of these really common experiences that a lot of professionals face and how to reframe them.
The first one I'm going to talk about is weird looks.
You say something, the other person gives you this really weird facial expression, which is like I don't understand you.
Or maybe you interpret it as, did I pronounce something incorrectly?
Is my accent really bad?
I remember one of my clients telling me that they would always get the same reaction from one of their colleagues.
They would say something and immediately they would see this face, which was disapproval, or even I think what they were trying to tell me was like disgust.
Like oh, your accent's really bad, or what you said was not correct, or kind of a bit of disdain which is
Unfortunate, but it can be interpreted like that.
The key point is you cannot control other people's facial expressions, unfortunately.
It does not mean however, that you are incompetent, that you cannot speak English and that you shouldn't continue to speak up.
That other person may be making facial expressions for whatever reason.
Maybe they can't help it.
Maybe they're just somebody who has a lot of facial expressions.
Perhaps they are trying to communicate something.
Maybe they are a little bit snobby about something.
I don't know, whatever it is, but we cannot control that.
I would say as a recommendation, try not to build a story around a facial expression.
Often I have this conversation with my clients where they'll be like okay well, I feel like my executive is not happy with the way I communicate.
I feel like they feel I'm not clear enough or I'm not saying things well enough.
I'm too direct.
My next question then, is is this feedback that you've received specifically, or is this what you are interpreting from the situation?
Many times they're like oh no, I mean, it's not feedback I've been given, it's just how I see the situation.
There is, of course, something to be said for that and your intuition and picking up on the signals about how people are feeling.
But it is also a useful question to ask yourself is Is this actual feedback that's been given to me, or am I interpreting the situation in a specific way?
Perhaps there's a conversation to be had.
Maybe you should ask them if those are the things that they're feeling.
Do you feel that I'm not clear enough?
Do you feel there are areas I need to improve?
Again, you're the best judge of that, but perhaps it's something to think about.
The second really common experience is feeling like there's a native version of you in your own language and then a more boring English version.
I had this client who was such a warm personality, super friendly, and I feel like she got that across in English.
But she would always tell me, you know, I just feel like there's a Spanish Sarah here.
And an English Sarah.
I just can't get across the same level of warmth and friendliness.
This person worked in sales, which is of course very important for building relationships.
This is a very common feeling.
You're certainly not alone there.
I feel like this in Spanish that I just come across as like the dullest person on earth.
I mean, I'm not particularly fun.
I am pretty boring, but still even more boring than that.
Because I tend to speak quieter.
I don't know if this happens to you as well.
I think subconsciously, I'm trying to avoid making a mistake out loud, really loudly, at a high volume.
So I speak quieter, but it actually works against me because then people are like, what?
What was that?
So I've tried to speak a little bit louder, but I do feel like this boring version of me.
And this is normal.
Your vocabulary limits how much you can express yourself.
The more vocabulary phrases expressions, grammar.
All of that is going to help you express yourself at a more nuanced way.
That is really important, the technical side of things because, of course, if you don't have any words, how can you say anything at all?
As your competence increases technically, you will feel like you can express yourself more and, as a result, feel like you are more yourself.
Although what I would say is that your personality is not missing.
And often when I'm in sessions with people, your personality comes across with the way that you speak.
I was speaking to someone last week, for example, who was an economist, and they were telling me about a project that they were working on.
They had some challenges and struggled somewhat to get across some of the key points that they had, but they just had an energy, a way of speaking, like they came across when they spoke.
Next on my list are snarky comments.
Hmm, snarky.
Oh, just love that word.
It means, let's just say, rude or with a bad intention.
The other day I was sitting around the table having a conversation with a group of Spanish people and I said something like que guay, which is like how cool.
And one of the people around the table said, oh, like, wow, you say that like a tourist.
And, oh, the tourists always say that.
At first, I was a little bit shy.
I mean, it kind of knocked my confidence a bit.
I didn't really then automatically feel like saying a long sentence after that, because it was a direct reaction criticism.
Well, that's how I read it.
It was like okay, what you're saying sounds weird, it doesn't sound like we say it.
Perhaps you've had a colleague or somebody who's mentioned something to you like that in a meeting, like oh, the way you say that is funny, or oh yeah, why do you say it like that?
Part of me at the time was just like was that really necessary?
Did you really need to say that?
And then afterwards, I was just like, okay, whatever.
It really, really doesn't matter.
And I know that I can speak Spanish.
And okay, maybe I said it a little bit funny.
Maybe it was a little bit out of context.
But I like that phrase.
And I'm going to say it again.
Some correction can be helpful, right?
Sometimes people correct us in a really respectful way, which great, all for that.
But if it's a correction that is just not helpful and it's just one of these snarky comments, then I think we could just let that go.
Let it roll off your back.
It says more about them than it does about you.
Certainly is not an indication of your incompetence or inability to speak English.
Another point which I'd like to raise here, which it could be an experience that you have.
One of my clients the other week was, like you know, I have this colleague, native speaker from Scotland.
He always finishes my sentences.
And I really think that it drove them a little bit nuts, actually.
I think they really did find it quite frustrating.
And the way that they interpreted that was, I'm too slow.
I'm not sharp enough.
I sound uncertain.
But another way to think about it is maybe they're just a little bit impatient.
Maybe they should just let you finish your sentence.
Because when I was working with this person, I didn't think that there was anything particularly off about their fluency.
They were speaking at a very normal pace that we would expect.
There was nothing distracting about the way they were speaking, or they were not so slow that it affected the flow of the conversation.
Sometimes people are impatient.
Sometimes people have habits like this, finishing people's sentences, which can be very frustrating.
I have to say that when being a teacher, sometimes it's almost like I can't help it and I have to check myself sometimes, because it really does drive people nuts.
And again, the key thing to think about here is finishing people's sentences normally is because they might be impatient or they're kind of one of these people that likes to speak really quickly, rather than you're not intelligent or you're incompetent or whatever.
It's normally just somebody's speed preference, which can be really annoying.
But again, isn't really within our control unless we're willing to raise it.
And it may not be appropriate to do that.
You're the best judge.
Less than fine worn here is just the general awkwardness of some situations.
Things like ordering food, having a small talk with a colleague, doing something simple like having a quick conversation in a corridor.
Sometimes those type of things, they just don't flow and they can just be a little bit awkward and make you feel weird.
For me, it's things like going to the hairdressers.
Oh my goodness.
Honestly, I'm not really sure how I come out of the hairdressers with normal hair and not short back and sides.
Because every time I go in there, I'm genuinely worried about how I'm going to look when I come out.
I find it so incredibly awkward.
And like, I've got to make conversation for an hour with this person.
I've got the hairdryer going on in the background.
It's awkward.
Incredibly low stakes.
I mean, really, it doesn't matter at all.
But you know, it just makes me feel like God.
I've been here for eight years and I can't manage a hairdresser's appointment.
Who am I?
That's sometimes my thought process.
But then again, afterwards, I'm just like, you know what?
I do my best.
Sometimes I write down the vocabulary before I go in.
A couple of phrases.
This is what I want.
A couple of questions to ask the stylist so it's not completely awkward for the first 10 minutes.
And then I just kind of let it run its course.
And I just do my best.
And sometimes it's better than others.
Yes, I have had the same conversation about three times every time I go, but I don't think they remember anyway, or that's what I'm banking on.
Key messages here is that sometimes things are just awkward and it doesn't reflect your incompetence.
It may just be that you're having a bit of an off day.
Sometimes it just doesn't flow.
Sometimes you don't hear people properly.
It's not an indication that you are incapable of speaking English.
It can be helpful sometimes, in these situations that are a little bit out of the ordinary, to write down a couple of phrases.
Some questions, vocabulary.
You know the drill.
You probably do this anyway.
But it is true.
And that's why I'm so hot on this autopilot thing is that you're going to feel more confident if you're less uncertain.
So if you know some of the things you're going to ask or say in advance, then of course that's going to help you feel more confident to speak in the moment.
So let's close it out.
Communication, as I said in the introduction, at a senior level is almost as much about the psychological as it is about the technical.
There will always be likely some discomfort.
Some things might feel awkward.
They might not always go smoothly.
There might be things that we can't control, like people's facial expressions or the comments that they make.
The point is that the discomfort doesn't equate to your incompetence, which is often the first thing that you may think.
Here is an action then that you can take away and do this week.
I want you to make a very simple log, a progress tracker, and I just want you to write down the things that you do in English this week.
Not how well they went, none of this good, bad, whatever, just the things that you do, the facts.
Spoke to John for five minutes, gave a 10-minute presentation on the figures for next week, had a negotiation with a client, asked a question at the vending machine.
Whatever it is, just matter of fact.
Write it down.
Confidence building is about evidence building.
That is your task for this week.
I'd love to know how you get on.
Come and tell me.
Connect with me on LinkedIn.
The link is below.
You can also sign up to my Friday newsletter, where I give you a summary of the key points from the episode, which is a really nice way to consolidate it, as well as some of the tips and tricks which I do not share on the podcast.
If you want to sign up to that, it's absolutely free and the link is in the description box below.
Thank you as always for squeezing in a little bit of Confident Business English this week.
It's been a pleasure to be with you and I will see you again soon.
Bye-bye.
