Today in this episode, let's look at some bad strategies and attitudes that don't quite work in a conversation.
I mean, like having awkward conversations.
Next, you'll practice your fluency with a mini-story lesson, the best way to learn to speak English without translating mentally.
Alright, have you ever been with someone and not know what to talk about?
It's happened to me sometimes.
Every once in a while, we run into situations where it's difficult to continue the conversation.
One example is what happens in an elevator.
Imagine that you meet a neighbor you hardly know, and a typical dialogue ends up going like this.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Going down?
Yes.
It's cold today, isn't it?
Yes, yes.
It's going to be like this all week, they say.
As you can see, this conversation is not very intellectual.
It's more about avoiding silence, which can be uncomfortable.
This doesn't just happen in elevators, but in all kinds of social interactions.
I read recently that a silence of four seconds or more triggers anxiety.
It doesn't get any better when you have to speak in a language you're learning.
You have even fewer resources to express yourself.
Today we're going to see which topics or strategies don't work well in conversations, especially with strangers.
The goal, I think, is to have somewhat interesting conversation.
Come on, let's move on to the first one.
Talking about the weather is not a bad thing, but if we only talk about it or any other obvious things, we're not going to make a good impression.
Now I can think of a couple of situations where talking about the weather is an awful strategy.
For example, on a first date, talking for 45 minutes about whether it's raining or hot or cold or windy isn't going to make you more attractive.
Or at a job interview.
Let's see, you don't know what to say.
Better not start commenting that it's a cold and foggy morning.
However, there are also exceptions.
If you have a date with someone who works in meteorology or your job interview is to work as a meteorologist well yes, of course you have to talk about the weather, right?
Let's see the next one.
You don't listen.
Yeah, I know it seems obvious, but many people don't know how to listen, and it shows.
When you really listen, you can find many ways to continue the conversation engagingly.
Sometimes people just pretend to be listening.
They repeat the last part of what you say in the form of a question.
For example, The whole week?
Yes, and we had to buy umbrellas.
Umbrellas?
Yes, and Bill Gates gave us all his money.
All his money?
Yeah, and you don't listen.
I don't listen?
Well, you see what I mean, right?
Let's continue.
It's not only important what you say, but how you say it.
The most common mistakes are...
Talking too fast.
Sometimes people need a slower pace to understand the message better.
Not everyone is familiar with what you're saying.
Shy people sometimes speak too softly and are hard to understand.
Some people do not pronounce well and it's difficult to follow what they say.
It's better to speak clearly.
And others speak without pausing.
It's better to pause from time to time and observe how the other person reacts.
And some people talk about something negative.
Another mistake that some people make is to talk about a negative topic to strangers.
I really don't recommend that.
But what you shouldn't do is talk about something boring.
I don't think it's a good idea to talk for half an hour about what color you want to paint the bedroom wall.
You have to know how to choose your topics.
Basically, for you it can be relevant, but not for the other person.
And now let's see how you can mess up a conversation.
There are many ways to mess things up, but a common one is to assume something is true when it's not.
Let's look at some examples of messed up conversations.
The first one.
Congratulations!
Why?
Well, you're pregnant.
How many months?
No, I'm not pregnant.
Whoops!
The poor woman may have been a few pounds overweight.
So don't assume anything.
Let's hear another one.
Ah, how beautiful your wife is and how young.
No, she's not my wife, she's my daughter and she's a minor.
Again, whoops, it's better not to assume this kind of thing.
In fact, the other way around is also wrong.
Ah, it's good you're coming with your mother.
She's not my mother, she's my wife.
And one more thing.
We have to be careful with criticism.
Especially when you don't know the type of relationship between the person you're talking to and the one you're criticizing.
For example, if you're at a wedding.
Food is very scarce.
Not much money has been spent.
What a pity.
I'll tell my brother, who paid for everything.
Okay.
We'll leave it here for now.
Let's continue with a mini-story.
What's a mini-story?
A mini-story is very simple.
I give you information using phrases and then I ask you questions.
After each question, there will be some seconds of silence.
It's your turn to answer the question.
Just give an easy and a short answer, not a complex one.
After your answer, I'll give you the correct answer And, just like that, I'll tell a story with questions and answers.
Are you ready?
Fred went into a store to buy a blender to prepare some delicious smoothies.
Fred went into a boat.
No, no.
Fred didn't get on a boat.
He went into a store.
What did Fred want to buy?
He wanted to buy a blender.
Where did Fred go in?
Into a store.
He went into a store.
Why did he want to buy a blender?
To prepare some delicious smoothies.
Fred wanted to buy a blender to make some delicious smoothies.
Fred saw someone and assumed he was a shop assistant.
A shop assistant saw Fred and assumed he was a customer?
No, that didn't happen.
The shop assistant didn't see anything.
Fred saw someone and thought he was a shop assistant.
What did Fred assume about the person?
He saw that he was a shop assistant.
Fred assumed he was a shop assistant.
Fred asked the alleged shop assistant for advice on which model to buy.
Did fred ask his girlfriend to marry him?
No, no.
He didn't do that.
We don't know if Fred had a girlfriend.
He asked the alleged shop assistant for advice.
Who did Fred ask for advice?
The alleged shop assistant.
He asked for advice on which blender to buy.
What advice did he ask?
Which model to buy?
Fred asked for advice on which blender model to buy.
The alleged shop assistant replied that he didn't know much about appliances.
Did the shop assistant reply that he was an expert?
No, he didn't reply that.
He answered that he didn't know much about appliances.
Did he know much about appliances?
He didn't know much, therefore he knew little.
Where did this happen?
At the store.
This happened at the appliance store.
Fred got mad because he thought the store had lousy service.
Fred got mad?
Yeah, he got mad.
You could also say he got angry.
He got angry because he thought the store had excellent service.
No, the other way around.
He got angry because he thought the service was terrible, bad service.
Finally, Fred realized that the alleged shop assistant was also a customer, so he was very embarrassed.
What did Fred realize?
That the blender was expensive?
No, not that.
He realized that the alleged shop assistant was also a customer, so he felt embarrassed.
What did Fred feel?
Pride?
No, no.
He didn't feel proud.
He felt embarrassed.
Why did he feel embarrassed?
Because he realized that the alleged shop assistant was also a customer.
He assumed he was an employee.
That's why Fred was embarrassed.
Perfect.
It's the end of this mini-story.
As you can see through questions and answers, you can practice and improve your speech, just like in a real conversation.
Let me ask you something.
Is my podcast helping you with your English?
Though the podcast is a useful resource, because of time limitations I can hardly develop these lessons, although they allow you to try out my method.
But if you're serious about learning English, I recommend my premium English courses.
These are complete programs designed to improve your spoken English dramatically.
In fact, the courses contain hours and hours of questions and answers and point-of-view lessons.
It's like a podcast episode but multiplied by 100.
Get my English courses at courses.speakenglishpodcast.com That's it for today.
I will be back next week.
Bye-bye.
