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Hello everybody and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s.
The podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s
and what they mean for our psychology.
Hello everybody, welcome back to the show.
Welcome back to the podcast.
New listeners, old listeners.
Whatever you are in the world, it is so great to have you here back for another episode of the show
as we of course break down the psychology of our 20s.
Before we get into it today, I want to let you guys know that my latest line of notebooks
in collaboration with the illustrator Rosie Pink have launched an alive now and ready
for you guys to get your hands on.
A lot of love and care went into designing and producing these beautiful companions
to the podcast.
If you are somebody who likes journaling, who likes to take notes while listening,
who likes, I don't know, just to gratitude journal, who likes to have a little planner,
a little to-do list, whatever you need a notebook for, these ones are adorable and definitely
up there as being one of my favorite things I have ever created.
It's also an amazing way to support the show and to support me as a creator.
So if you are even thinking about it, thank you so much and if you hit purchase,
you are my favorite person in the world.
So without further ado, let's get into the show.
Today, we are going to be taking a look at one of our most primary and significant emotions
and that is happiness.
This huge concept, if we can even call it that, that sounds so reductive to call a concept,
it plays such an everyday valuable role in our life.
And yet I realized that I have never actually sat down and done an episode on happiness,
even in 200 episodes, it might come up, but it has never had its time in the
spotlight all on its own.
And today is that day when we are going to give all of our attention and focus to this primary,
deep, important emotion.
I think everybody on this planet wants to be happier in some sense.
They want more contentment, they're striving for greater satisfaction in some area of their
life, more pleasant emotions.
All they are, you know, they recognize that they are unhappy.
And they're looking for some way out of their despair or their emotional rut.
And yet I don't think many of us really know how to change that.
We don't really know what brings us joy or contentment.
We kind of spend a lot of our life at this like baseline level.
This like 50% mark of not being unhappy, but not really excelling as a happy human.
The other alternative is that we spend a lot of time doing things that we think will
improve our life satisfaction, doing things that we think bring
temporary pleasure and temporary joy, but which don't actually have that sustainable
happiness factor behind them, right?
They don't actually improve our emotional state in the long term I'm thinking about
things like retail therapy.
That's the first one that always comes to mind.
But other concepts or other behaviors like binge drinking, emotional eating.
Yes, we feel better in the moment often we use these things to self-soothe,
but I think that if we see happiness as a scale, a lot of those activities that we pursue
to improve happiness really don't have a lasting effect.
On top of that, I also think that in our minds, for a lot of us, happiness is like important,
absolutely, but it's also seen as rather uncomplicated and very much out of our control.
When life is good, we are happy.
When bad things happen, we are not.
So we really do tend to project our happiness and see it as the responsibility of our circumstances.
The responsibility of what is happening around us, that is what has the biggest impact.
But actually, that is not necessarily the case.
There is this model called the happiness pie, which says something completely differently.
So, behavioral geneticists, psychologists, they actually attribute about 50% of our happiness to
genetics. So every single one of us is born with what we call happiness, set point, a baseline level
of happiness. This kind of relates to the individual differences between being a pessimist
and being an optimist. When we are born, we are just naturally hardwired to see the world as
perhaps realistic, but more so either a brighter or darker place than it actually is.
So 50% genetics and then 10% of our happiness comes down to our life circumstances,
which is shocking because I think so often we blame our context and external events.
For our emotional state, when actually it really can only tip the scale, not throw it off completely.
I think of course during intense moments of loss or grief that 10% is really going to dominate,
but on the average day, our happiness really comes down to our mindset and our outlook and our habits.
And so we finally arrive at that final slice of the pie. The 40% that we can actually attribute to
our personal choices. 40% of our happiness is dictated by our science would say that it is within
our control. And that's what we're going to focus on today, that part of the equation in five
ways that we can scientifically improve our level of happiness. And I really wanted to talk about
tips that were actionable, accessible, simple, but also inexpensive. Right? I'm not going to
recommend some like $50 workout class or supplement because it's kind of ridiculous to think that
only wealthy people would have access to joy and peace. But I'm also not going to give you like
the basic tips that we all know. You know, I think we all understand that when you exercise and move
more, when you get eight hours of sleep, when you eat better, you are going to be happier. That is
pretty basic knowledge, but I want to go a little bit deeper today. I want to really look at some
of the academia and the research about what can really impact our happiness on an everyday level.
What are some of the secret habits of really, really joyful, happy, content people?
One final caveat I know I've been rambling for a while. These are not tips that are going to,
of course, cure you of your mental health concerns, of your mental health symptoms or conditions.
They are more so additions to our life. They are techniques that can elevate the work that we're
already doing in therapy with the help of medications. I just want to say that loud and clear.
This is not a replacement. These are just bonuses. So without further ado, let's get into our five
evidence-based ways to actually truly be happier. I love being able to talk about brands that I use
on the podcast, and this is a brand that I've been personally using for over five years. Our sponsor
Nature's Way Alive Women's Multivitamin gummies are specifically formulated for women. They contain
16 vitamins and minerals, including the full B vitamin complex to help you convert food into fuel.
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made with plant-based sweetness, including stevia extract and monk fruit extract.
With just two delicious gummies, Nature's Way Alive Women's Multivitamin gummies are an easy way
to feel like your best self every day. To learn more, visit nature'sway.com slash gemmer
and use code Gemma10 at checkout for 10% of any alive women's multivitamins, terms and conditions
apply valid through June 30th. Our first time using something normally forms a lifelong
impression, even if psychology says that impression is not always correct. For example, you may try
a new food for the first time, realize you don't like it and you're convinced for the rest of your
life to never try again. Or the first time shaving or using hair removal cream, I think we can all
remember that strong chemical smell of those old formulas. Well, that is about to change.
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I used hair removal creams was when I was probably 18. There was nothing pleasant about that smell,
but now with scents like orange blossom and Moroccan organ oil for the new shower creams and
cocoa butter, oatmeal, vanilla or water lily and aloe vera for their body creams, they actually
make me enjoy the experience. So a story about this the other day I had three of my closest
girlfriends and my boyfriend over for dinner and we had this bottle we decided we wanted to try it out.
We wanted to get rid of some hair on our legs. We all used the oatmeal and vanilla body cream.
Literally at my dining table we applied it and we waited for three minutes. They turned out so
smooth. Even my boyfriend put some on his calf and let me tell you that little spot is still
silky smooth a week later. He can testify this stuff works and we also agreed these new formulas
are a game changer because not only can you actually get rid of hair it actually smells nice and
it removes the hassle of having to shave every few days every few weeks. It also is free of dyes,
it's free of parabens, it's free of sulfates which is a big plus for me and I have to say again
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Let us jump straight into it with my first tip invest as much time in your platonic relationships
as your romantic ones if not more. I think that it is important that if we are focusing on happiness
we need to firstly focus on our social connections and that requires us to spend at least I would say
30 minutes every day doing something that meaningfully connects you with another person and that
keeps you in touch even as life gets busy even as the older we get you know the more focused we
become on our partners or our romantic lives or our marriages keep those platonic connections alive
with those people from your past and new friends as well even when it feels hard even when it feels
tedious and dare I say even when it does sometimes let's admit it feel like a bit of a chore I think
we all go through these like social ruts where we want to isolate where we do feel withdrawn or you
know just simply lonely and the best thing that you can do for your happiness is to find some way
anyway of getting back in touch with others that is one of the core needs that we have as humans
so let's talk about some of the research behind why this is so crucial and why it's often neglected
so possibly one of the most brilliant and significant studies of all time provides so much evidence
for why this is such an important step in our happiness so back in 1938 that is almost 90 years
ago now this huge team at Harvard University they decided that they wanted to track 268 current
sophomores at the time and they didn't just want to track them for the you know for the year for
the term they wanted to track them for the rest of their lives regularly checking in with them
regularly seeing how they were going to determine what parts of their lives what factors were
you know determining whether one person was healthy and one person wasn't what events and
characteristics meant that these men succeeded or failed what caused their early deaths or their
long lives what made their marriages flourish versus fail and also what it was about these people's
lives tracking them from when they were 19 to 90 and even past that what made these people happy
versus miserable so this is now known as the grant study it is actually the longest longitudinal
study of all time when I'm recording this right now 2024 I think only about like 18 of the
men are still alive but the biggest finding across all of those decades of observation and research
was that the one thing that determined happiness above all else was positive social relationships
not money not promotions or careers not material possessions but friendship and love and even
deeper than that just genuine companionship and a warmth from relationships there is something
really valuable in that that I think we often forget I think there is often this sense of like
friendships and you know relationships are just there to feel empty space there to make me feel
less lonely always sometimes end up thinking that our careers and material fulfillment
is actually what determines our happiness and this is a bit of a wake up call that know if you are
going to invest in anything in your life anything at all that's going to ensure that not only do you
live longer but you're happier it is those really meaningful platonic friendships and relationships
that was like the pioneering study on this there have of course been so many follow-up research
projects that are finding the exact same thing another example of this is a more recent one and
researchers employed the use of this app and it was called the mapiness app and basically what they
wanted to determine was when are people happiest on an 11 point scale from no I'm not happy at all
to I'm extremely happy this app would send them little alerts to rank how they were at that very
point throughout the day and they had over three million submissions from nearly 50,000 volunteers
and what they found was that the point where people are happiest is when they are with their friends
a bunched amongst everything else that they were able to track when they were with their partners
when they were with their parents when they were with their children when they were at work when
they were exercising when they were with their friends always came out on top so applying this tip
here are three things that we can do once a day find 30 minutes minimum to deepen your bond with
someone literally it could be as easy as sending them TikToks or texting them but if you really
want to improve your chances here giving that long distance friend a call or grabbing lunch with
a friend on your on your lunch break going to the gym together afterwards you know after work those
small 30 minute like kind of points of contact are so valuable in building up that relationship
once a week you need to be doing minimum at least a one to two hour even longer hopefully in
depth catch up with one of your friends where you actually have a deep meaningful conversation you
get vulnerable you disclose you laugh and more important you make memories and then it comes to
once a month once a month become the host now if you have listened for a while if you know me in
real life you will know that one of my secrets too I would say being an incredibly optimistic happy
person and a present person as well is finding ways to build community not just for myself but also
for the people that I love and I think hosting events in your house in your neighborhood small things
is an expression of that when I stopped waiting for other people to do or organize cool things
and hopefully invite me and just started being the person who literally just did fun shit my life
got so much better so once a month what I really would employ employ you to do is to get together a
big random bunch of people for like a friendship group hot luck or a movie night at somebody's house
or you know trivia brunch a run club you be the organizer you be the host you be the person around
which community is built I think you know reflecting on on that and why it makes so much sense
is that in this day and age we really lack some of the structures and activities that used to bring
us together you know in the past we used to have so many more places to operate within a community
right we had community dancers we had town squares we had small village like places and spaces
where you were surrounded by people a lot more people went to church or were involved in religion
there was a bigger focus on community essentially and I think as society has progressed and become
more globalized but also a lot more online for example we've lost a lot of that and that
disconnection really bleeds into other areas of our lives so deliberately making our way back
to that making engagement a practice rather than something we passively fall into is so valuable
my second tip for today spend your money better now this has nothing to do with budgeting
or having long term financial goals it is actually about spending money on others
and on experiences and trust me I know that in this kind of very materialistic society this
may initially make you feel uncomfortable to hear me say that the secret to happiness is to spend
on other people and not yourself but there is a science here if you're aiming for happiness if
that is your goal this might just be the path to it money does make us happier up to a point though
only up to a point so in a really famous study I think we probably have all heard of it at some point
and they actually revised it last year basically they wanted to measure at what point does an extra
dollar really not do much for our happiness at what point does making more money not really move
the need or when it comes to how good we feel and they recently updated this for inflation and now
days what they say is that once you are making around a hundred K a year in US dollars so do the
conversion if you live outside of the US more money doesn't really do much to make you feel better
and it doesn't do much to eliminate misery or sadness yes you might be able to you know by objects
and experiences that you value you definitely will have more freedom and independence and security
but at that point there isn't much more that would provide you with already that baseline so if
your happiness hasn't already been influenced by that level of wealth more money isn't going to help
you but there's something else that will so a study by Harvard Business School and the University of
British Columbia they found that once you've like actually pulled yourself out of poverty so once
you can actually afford your basics spending money on other people actually gives us
more joy than spending money on ourselves so they found that even a minimal amount can make
a difference it's really interesting because I think that that power of generosity has been lost
but it is such ancient ancient knowledge I think in almost every major religion every major
historical text you will find evidence that for a long time when you've known that doing good by
other people makes us feel better I think it also has the effect of turning the attention away from
you and your problems for a moment and remembering what it is that you have that others might not
that you could assist them by giving to them so use your money devote some portion of it to
basically engaging in random acts of kindness quite literally I want you to budget it in one way
that I do this is called good deed Sunday every Sunday you practice essentially being generous you
give back in somewhere or another it actually doesn't even need to be that much it could be that
you know when you go and do your weekly shop you buy some extra items for your local community
pantry or you ask somebody doing it tough outside if you if you can buy them something you can buy
them a couple of items that they really need you could find a you know random go fund me and budget
literally five ten fifteen dollars each week to go towards this random act of giving back and kindness
I know it feels kind of strange giving to others for your own happiness rather than just because
you feel compelled to do so but I actually think it's more about adopting an attitude and a genuine
lifestyle of firstly gratitude for what you do have and generosity by realizing that there is so
much that you could give to others that you should essentially feel really privileged to already be
in possession of and as I said the studies repeatedly say you will feel better for it you will feel
so much better giving that small portion of what you are making to somebody else than using it to
buy something that you might not actually need so a brief second layer to this tip around spending
your money better to promote your happiness if you're not spending that extra coinage on others if
that's not really what you want to do with your time and your money that is okay and study by
Cornell University found that you are actually better off purchasing experiences than things
because the joy and the satisfaction that you get from an object is going to wane and decline pretty
quickly after purchasing but the enjoyment of an experience it's like a nice wine it gets better
over time as you age those memories do become more valuable they become an investment they become
an important asset the other thing that the researchers pointed out around this in the study by
Cornell was that your experiences are actually just inherently less comparative it's a lot harder to
you know compare them to somebody else and feel like you're lacking the same way that we can do
with material objects and we also don't typically have buyers remorse when it comes to memories when
it comes to experiences because even if they were terrible they are still a story so if you want to
spend your money better for your happiness give to others and give to your memories rather than
to your kind of like material rather than to the material side of things so let's move on to our
third tip have one project one thing that you are actively trying to finish or accomplish or get
better at I say this a lot on the podcast so I'm very sorry if I sound like a broken record at
this point but I say it because it's important and it's something that I believe in very deeply
sometimes the easiest thing to do isn't what's best for us what's best for us is the thing that
requires a bit more effort for a lot more gain you think the older we get we do tend to become more
passive in our lives especially during our free time during our downtime because hours along life
is exhausting life is busy everything just gets a bit harder I think we have all had that feeling
at some point of just wanting to take the path of the least resistance through life getting home
from work and just genuinely wanting to sit on the couch and scroll but when we were kids when we
were teenagers we often had the privilege of something to work towards something that actually
gave us a sense of drive and purpose I think that we have lost that a little bit now and you know
everybody tries to blame social media and technology I'm gonna actually quickly jump on that bandwagon
for a second I think with social media if we're getting the same amount of dopamine from saying
other people do cool and rewarding stuff why would we need to do it ourselves and the reason why
the answer to that question is that we need purpose if we think about happiness as being made
up of full components in my mind they would be joy and pleasure connection altruism and meaning
doing something that actually makes you feel like you are alive and contributing and just having
a sense of purpose so in 2013 this group of researchers at UCLA they actually identified this
through some research they were doing on the two distinct kinds of happiness we have
hedonic happiness and eudomonic happiness hopefully I pronounced that right eudomonic yeah eudomonic
happiness there we go correct me if I'm wrong but hedonic happiness comes from self gratification
and pleasure seeking eudonic is obviously relating to the idea of hedonism prioritizing pleasure
over everything else but eudomonic happiness comes from having a deep sense of meaning
and purpose in life doing things for others but more so doing hard things that do take time
rather than getting all of your joy and pleasure from instantly gratifying experiences
we tend to spend a lot of time in hedonic happiness we look to external pleasures to make life
enjoyable because eudomonic happiness is harder simply put it's just harder to obtain
but there are so many benefits so simply put if you are in a bit of an emotional right right now
I think creating meaning is an essential way to switch from hedonic happiness to eudonic happiness
to just have a little bit more of that more sustainable form of joy in your life and we create
that meaning by creating goals or things that we can strive towards because I think it you know in
that act of striving we feel engaged and proactive meaning we realize that we can do things to change
our lives and how we feel about it now those goals this big very daunting idea of purpose
it doesn't have to be as large or as scary as it sounds you just need to have something
and I prefer to think about this as a project rather than thinking about this huge mission
that we all need to have you just need to have something for some people that is you know running
a marathon perfect example and also super timely because I think everybody I know right now
seems to be training for a marathon or some running event of some sort but you know that's fabulous
because you're working towards something that is harder and bigger than yourself that you actually
can't achieve overnight but I also you know have a really good friend whose purposeful thing for
the year is hitting her 52 book target on good reads my dad for example right now is learning
Japanese you know that is something that you progress towards and for me well it was finishing
my book but that is done so now it's kind of being consistent with Jim right I can't just like
show up one day and you know hit all my PRs and do everything perfectly it is once again the act of
striving that is so so meaningful in these situations so just stop and pause with me right now
and I want you to honestly ask yourself is there something in my life anything that is challenging
me or that I am working towards do I have a project or when I finish work when I finish uni when I
say goodbye to all my friends is my only function to scroll and consume and is that really what I
was designed to do is that really how I want to spend my life doesn't make me feel human does it
make you feel meaningful you can still of course unwind in that way but I just want to encourage you
to think about what else you are made for and whether you actually would be happier if you were
putting time into something that you really had something to show for it at the end of it all
you really had something that you felt was important and that you felt proud of already I have
two more tips for you but firstly we are going to take a small break and then we will be right back
I love being able to talk about brands that I use on the podcast and this is a brand that I've
been personally using for over five years our sponsor natures weight alive women's multi-vitamin
gummies are specifically formulated for women they contain 16 vitamins and minerals including
the full B vitamin complex to help you convert food into fuel they also have calcium and vitamin D
to support bone health and healthy hair skin and nails and for those of you who may be watching
your sugar intake they now have a zero sugar version made with plant-based sweetness including
stevia extract and monk fruit extract with just two delicious gummies natures way alive women's
multi-vitamin gummies are an easy way to feel like your best self every day to learn more visit
naturesway.com slash jema and use code jema10 at checkout for 10% of any alive women's multi-vitamins
terms and conditions apply valid through June 30th our first time using something normally forms
a lifelong impression even if psychology says that impression is not always correct for example
you may try a new food for the first time realize you don't like it and you're convinced for the
rest of your life to never try again or the first time shaving or using hair removal cream
I think we can all remember that strong chemical smell of those old formulas
well that is about to change there is the number one hair removal brand and now it has a new
and improved formula that actually smells amazing and does away with the need to shave or have a
rusty razor on hand I was honestly so surprised when I used these for the first time because
I think the last time I used hair removal creams was when I was probably 18 there was nothing pleasant
about that smell but now with sense like orange blossom and Moroccan organ oil for the new shower
creams and cocoa butter oat milk vanilla or water lily and aloe vera for their body creams
they actually make me enjoy the experience so a story about this the other day I had three of
my closest girlfriends and my boyfriend over for dinner and we had this bottle we decided we
wanted to try it out we wanted to get rid of some hair on our legs we all used the oat milk and
vanilla body cream literally at my dining table we applied it we waited for three minutes
they turned out so smooth even my boyfriend put some on his calf let me tell you that little spot
is still silky smooth a week later he can testify this stuff works and we also agreed these
due formulas are a game changer because not only can you actually get rid of her it actually smells
nice and it removes the hassle of having to shave every few days every few weeks it also is free
of dyes it's free of parabens it's free of sulfates which is a big plus for me and I have to say
again the new spence actually smell really really good you can smell them for yourself try the
reformulated net body and shower creams available at retailers nationwide and online
last season millions tuned into the betrayal podcast to hear a shocking story of deception
I'm Andrea Gunning and now we're sharing an all new story of betrayal
Stacy thought she had the perfect husband doctor father family man
it was the perfect cover for Justin Rutherford to hide behind
they led me into the house and I mean it was like a movie he was sitting at our kitchen table
the cops were guarding him Stacy learned how far her husband would go to save himself
I slept with a loaded gun next to my bed you know I just say I wish he was dead he actually gave
details and explained different scenarios on how to kill him he to me is scarier than Jeffrey
Dahmer listen to betrayal on the iHeart Radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts
get emotional with me Radee Devluchia in my new podcast a really good cry we're going to talk
about and go through all the things that are sometimes difficult to process alone we're going to go
over how to regulate your emotions diving deep into holistic personal development and just
building your mindset to have a happier healthier life we're going to be talking with some of my
best friends I didn't know we were going to go there on people that I admire when we say
listen to your body really tune into what's going on authors of books that have changed my life now
you're talking about sympathy which is different than empathy right and basically have conversations
that can help us get through this crazy thing we call life I already believe in myself I already
see myself and so when people give me an opportunity I'm just like oh great you see me too we'll
laugh together we'll cry together and find a way through all of our emotions never forget it's
okay to cry as long as you make it a really good one listen to a really good cry with Radee Devluchia
on the iHeart Radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts
welcome back I have two final tips for you today and the first one takes place outdoors if you want
to be happier if that is what you're striving towards and I'm assuming that it is because you're
listening to this episode you need to rewild yourself you need to quite literally touch some grass
get your feet stuck in the dirt you know experience or as you look at the stars take a dive in the
ocean pretty much anything that gets you connected with the nature our literal you know natural
habitat can boost serotonin beyond even some of the strongest antidepressants now again not a cure
for serious mental health concerns I am never going to sit here and say go off your medication and
like get outdoors because I think that is ludicrous that is ridiculous that is unethical to even
suggest but it is an important addition I think we are so detached from nature in today's world
we are so like you know caught up in concrete and indoor environments that we have lost touch with
what makes us wild and what makes us as a species what makes us connected to the world around us
and when researchers have deliberately intervened and essentially force people to go outdoors as part
of studies the impact on their overall happiness on their eudony happiness on their joy on their
genuine joy and love for life the results and the impact of that is just honestly so impressive
so I have three examples for you to take away with you today three examples of how we can really
activate this part of us that responds so well to nature so in 2017 there was a study on this
and it was run on a group of 38 northern Californians so not a huge sample size but just hear me out
so these 38 Californians sorry northern Californians I maybe there is a distinction I don't know
they were split up into two groups one group took a 90 minute walk in nature every day
and the other group did that same walk in the city at the end of this study have a guess who was
having fewer negative thoughts have a guess who had a better self-esteem have a guess who was reporting
greater levels of happiness it was the people who were walking in the outdoors the urban walkers who
were walking amongst the city did not report the same significant amount of change when they kind of
controlled for the general serotonin and endorphin boost from exercise it was those who did it out in
nature and who were you know actively rewilding themselves who really experienced the most benefit
what's more FMI scans revealed less activity in the brain region that plays a role in mood disorders
and negative thought patterns these individuals had genuinely seen their brains almost rewire
to be more positive so the dirt example I gave before you know it may have sounded like a joke
me telling you to go out and touch them dirt you know touch them dirt and they go willingly you're
happier but there is actually some evidence that the literal smell of mud of dirt may lift your
spirits so what it comes down to is actually this harmless bacteria that exists in the soil
it's called myobacterium vacay so if you want to give that you know fancy Latin name
a quick Google what you're going to find is that when you smell dirt that smell that you can
remember right now really picture it smelling that like that fresh soil what you're actually
spelling and is that specific bacteria and when it enters your olfactory center in your brain
it releases a whole wave of euphoria and serotonin so much so that in human tests when cancer patients
were administered this bacteria then moved despite their circumstances despite this terrible terrible
disease that outlook greatly improved it is like nature's antidepressant this bacteria it is
really you should google it has this strange impact on our brain and how our neurons communicate
even anecdotally i don't think i've ever met an unhappy person who was gardening i have never been
miserable whilst repotting my plants or hiking or taking my feet off and like squishing them
around in the mud so one final study to convince you of the healing power of the outdoors
and why if you are prioritizing happiness you should be prioritizing quite literally your outdoor
time is this study that was focused on what eating outdoors can do for our well-being and it turns
out that it can do quite a bit one thing that i hear a lot and i think it's super understandable is
that you know i just don't have time for that and that is actually so reasonable if you are working
from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. and it's the middle of winter and the sun is you know not even coming up
until you're at work not even setting until you're home how are you possibly meant to go play
in the dirt or frolic in the ocean how are you meant to do that i understand you know it's
really difficult for me to sit here and you know give you this advice when we are like there's
just practicality is that prevent me from doing this so the simple solution is spending your lunch
break that 30 minutes or hour lunch break that we all legally get eating outside or eating somewhere
with windows to at least see some kind of nature do not sit at your desk and eat please and thank you
do not sit you know in the middle of a crowded food hall with no natural light and expect
you know to see a difference so in 2013 another study for you guys and follow them today
these scientists from the University of Sussex they measured the happiness of
these the group of employees who ate lunch in different locations so the results showed that
workers they were actually happiest when they ate their lunch on the beach of course you're
going to be happy doing that but it's also not reasonable that you can get from your office
to the ocean so quickly but even just getting outside in the sun was a huge contributor to
basically like staving off misery people who ate in parks people who ate outdoors they had a more
positive attitude about their jobs about their lives about their connections than those who were
eating at a restaurant or sitting on their couch at home so if you want to be happier even slightly
if this is something you're consciously trying to do prioritize your outdoor time that one you
know one change that you can make is literally just sitting outside while you have your lunch
something that you already you know it's already factored in your day that you will have to do this
I am going to finish up with my most counter intuitive tip of this entire episode one that you will
probably be surprised would show up in an episode about happiness here it is you need to be sadder
more often and let me explain why we often think of happiness as the absence of sadness but it's
actually a mastery of sadness it is a recognition that shit happens life sometimes hurts a lot
it is boring it can quite frankly be a little bit bland if we're not searching for
hedonistic pleasure at all times but that doesn't mean that it's not worthwhile and also doesn't
mean that we suppress those feelings and adopt the delusion that everything is fine and hope that
it will be we need to give ourselves permission to wallow we need to be tender we need to feel we
need to watch that sad movie we need to let ourselves be open about our emotions there is a brilliant
vice article about this back when vice you know it was actually good and it's called you'll be
happier if you let yourself feel like crap and I would really really recommend you go and read it
we have such high standards when it comes to our emotions like joy like euphoria like excitement
like passion like love we of course want to feel them all the time that is so human to want to feel
amazing all the time but it can create a gap between expectation versus reality and you know
that actually results in us sometimes feeling less happy overall because we're disappointed that we
can't feel happy all the time and I think you know we live in a time when our culture is very
obsessed with this idea of constant happiness and I know it is so ironic that I am doing a whole
episode devoted on this feeling whilst I am saying that but seriously I do think that maturing
and developing and evolving is knowing that you cannot be happy all the time and this author
to bore to bore that is their full name she published a study in 2023 talking about how when we
as individuals rebrand sadness as valuable rather than is something that we want to escape from
this transformation occurs because the very expression of this emotion begins to normalize it
as part of our human condition and instead of only focusing on how it is maladaptive how it is
unpleasant how we want to avoid it we think about what it actually can give us I think that our
ability to embrace our negative feelings provides so many benefits there have been so many papers on
this so much evidence that people individuals like you and I who accept all of our emotions without
judgment we are less likely to ruminate on you know those hard times we are less likely to suppress
mental experiences you know which typically backfires to only amplify those experiences in the end
and we are also less likely to experience meta emotional reactions which is feeling you know upset
about being upset feeling even more unhappy about the fact that we are unhappy you know there was
this fabulous article it's in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology and the author's
put it this way when we accept versus judge our mental experiences we let those experiences run
there natural and also relatively short lived course rather than focusing on them and exacerbating
them so that's my final tip express your sadness find ways to communicate it to your friends find
a home for it find an expression for it find a way to sit with it even when it's uncomfortable and
the research tells us that counter intuitively it actually makes us happier in the long term here are
some quick final notes for me on this you don't have to do all of these things you know that's a
lot of work just choose one or two of these tips and implement them slowly implement them over time
and just notice whether something changes you know i'm not going to choose which one you should
do first because i think that all five are really important but whichever one resonates with you
most that is the one that you should choose and i also want to say one more time don't forget the
other core components of your well-being i know i said i wouldn't talk about exercise or eating well
or going to therapy but you know those are our foundations you can't really accept your sadness
or have a project or think that going outdoors is going to do as much as getting those basics
down pat will do in the first place so really i'm rooting for you these you know the small changes
comes big big impact and big results and i just want you to remember the happiness pie when life
feels overwhelming you get to control 40% of it that is all up to you and your perception so
i'm sending a lot of love and strength if you enjoyed this episode please feel free to share it
with somebody else who you think might also benefit from it who you think might get something from
this and if you do feel core to do so please leave a review five stars of course it would really
make my day it helps the show grow it helps this information get to more people and it just makes
me really happy make sure you're following along as well so you know when new episodes are coming
out if you have feedback and episode suggestion something to say something to contribute something
that you even disagree with whatever it is please feel free to follow me and dm me at that psychology
podcast so your questions queries concerns inquiries topic suggestions whatever it is i would love
to hear from you and as always we will be back on friday with another episode nearly half of our
youth are struggling with their mental health but california is building a new workforce of certified
wellness coaches to help them lead happier healthier lives certified wellness coaches work with
children and youth to build vital skills to improve their mental health and well-being a coach
can help make a difference it's time to spread the wellness learn more at c a wellness coach dot org
supported by the california department of health care access and information learn more at c a wellness
coach dot org last season millions tuned into the betrayal podcast to hear a shocking story of
deception i'm a dre gunning and now we're sharing an all new story of betrayal just in ruther
verd doctor father family man it was the perfect cover to hide behind detective weaver said
i'm sure you know why we're here i was like why did the world is going on listen to the trail
on the i heart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts i'm vioza and i'm
mala we're the creators of look at the radio or radio phonic novella which is a fancy way of saying
a podcast welcome to locator radio season nine love at first listen this season we're falling
in love with podcasting all over again with new segments correspondence and a new sound listen
to locator radio as part of the michael dura podcast network available on the i heart radio app
apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts hey there i'm doctor maia shanker and i'm a
scientist who studies human behavior many of us have experienced a moment in our lives that changes
everything that instantly divides our life into a before and an after on my podcast a slight change
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one wisdom annual here from scientists who teach us how we can be more resilient in the face of
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