What was that?
Raiders of the Lost Ark with 21 additional seconds.
If I can't see it, no one else can see it.
You know, Johnny, this is crazy.
No.
Crazy was leaving the projection booth unattended.
Listen to me.
You are overtired.
You're not thinking right.
Put the movie back before we get into trouble.
Trouble is my middle name, Leonard.
Actually, it's Lee, but I prefer trouble.
Oh, look who they let in.
Don't worry, Wil Wheaton.
I was just leaving.
Da-da-da-da!
Sheldon, we're working here.
That's all right.
I can barely hear you over my theremin.
Well, that was a little uncalled for.
No, that was completely called for.
We need quiet.
So your project is more important than mine?
Well, seeing as your project is to sabotage my project, yes.
Don't beat around the bush, Leonard.
If you don't want me here, just say the word and I'll leave. have beaten around the bush a little solve the equation holy crap what the hell is that it looks like something they found on the ship at roswell car i think leslie leonard it's not going to work if you rush me you have to let me get there you are never going to let that go are you Ten seconds.
He doesn't have it.
He's got squat.
A.A., I need your answer.
The answer is minus eight pi alpha.
Hang on, hang on a second.
That's not our answer.
What are you doing?
Answering question.
Winning physics bowl.
How do you know anything about physics?
Here I am janitor in former Soviet Union.
I am physicist.
Leningrad Polytechnica.
Go polar bears.
Well, that's a delightful little story, but our arrangement was that you sit here and not say anything.
I answer the questions.
You didn't answer a question.
Hey, look!
Now maybe you have democracy now in your beloved Russia.
But on this physics bowl team I rule with an iron fist.
Ow!
A.A., I need your official answer.
Well, it's not what he said.
Then what is it?
I want a different question.
You can't have a different question.
Formal protest.
Denied.
Informal protest.
Denied.
I need your official answer.
No, I decline to provide one.
Well, that's too bad because the answer your teammate gave was correct.
That's your opinion?
All right, the winner of the match is... Hang on.
Sheldon is proving that you are single-handedly smarter than everyone else.
So important that you would rather lose by yourself than win as part of a team.
I don't understand the question.
What the hell are you doing?
You said I'm not using my space, so I'm using it.
Okay, you need to move now.
No, I don't.
You can't stay there forever.
Actually, I have a plastic baggie strapped to my leg that says I can't.
Give up, Wolowitz.
You've chosen to tangle with a superior intellect you can't defeat.
There is nothing you could possibly do to... Those aren't gonna help you, Sheldon.
Oh, yes, they are.
I mean, what?
I'm warning you, Sheldon.
Your threats are empty.
Nothing can move me.
Stop that.
Get out of my spot!
No, that's it.
I am calling campus security.
You prepare for the scolding of your life.
What are you idiots doing?
He's trying to kill me, Leonard.
Video games and rock music have desensitized him to violence.
Would you please talk some sense into your lunatic roommate?
You're both acting like lunatics.
It's just a parking spot.
It's not just a parking spot.
He can't handle the fact that I'm a bigger deal than he is now.
Oh, preposterous.
I have been solely responsible for this university's six-loop quantum gravity calculations.
I have changed the way we think about Bose-Einstein condensates.
And I am also the one who got Nutter Butters in the cafeteria vending machine.
And maybe you missed that news while you're floating around like a goof in outer space.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.
Can you believe this guy?
What I don't believe is that you tried to run him over.
Oh, like you've never thought of doing that.
Don't hate me just because I lived the dream.
Hey, sweet ride.
What are you doing in there?
Just breaking in your new car.
Stop that!
You stop that!
You know what they say, revenge is a dish best served nude.
Buckle up, you're in for a cranky night.
According to the codicil of the relationship agreement, which you insisted upon, we're not allowed to pout or be moody on date night.
You know I just put that in because of uterus stuff.
Well, it applies to you, too.
I was afraid you might bring this up, so... I have a workaround.
There you go.
Bazinga, punk, now we're even.
You actually think it's 2003?
No, just because I'm living my life like it was 12 years ago doesn't mean I'm delusional.
And since it is 2003, I don't know who you are.
So please exit the premises before I call the police on my stylish new flip phone.
Hello, 2003.
Hey, we brought you time... Where is everything?
In my present, it's in the future.
In your present it's been crammed in the bedroom by an enterprising young man I met in the Home Depot parking lot.
I know what you're doing.
You're trying to get attention so we'll feel bad for you, but it's not happening.
No, what I'm doing is trying to figure out how to live my life now that everyone is leaving me.
Knock it off.
We're across the hall.
As the kids are saying today, talk to the hand.
They're not saying that.
They are in 2003.
No, they're really not.
Uh, Giselle's not getting kicked off.
It's totally gonna be summer.
What?
It's Sheldon's onion ring.
Just put it back.
It's one onion ring.
Just put it back before he comes.
No, no, no, I don't think that's where it was.
Okay, here he comes.
Deny, deny, deny, people.
Wall of silence.
Who touched my plate?
Penny.
Penny did it.
Why would you do that?
I don't know.
I was hungry.
What's the big deal?
The big deal is that nobody touches food on my plate.
All right.
Look, I didn't know.
I'm sorry.
Well, I'm sorry, but that is your second strike.
What?
You have two strikes.
Three strikes and you're out.
It's a sports metaphor.
A sports metaphor?
Yes, baseball.
All right, yeah, I'll play along.
What was my first strike?
March 18th.
You violated my rule about forwarding email humor.
I trusted you with my email address and you betrayed that trust by sending me.
Internet banality strike one.
Touching my food, strike two.
Don't worry, they only stay on your record for a year.
You can get them removed early, but you have to take his class.
Oh, come on.
I touched one onion ring.
And then you put it back, compromising the integrity of all the other onion rings.
Oh, honey, the buses don't go where you live, do they?
Penny, I wish I could be more lenient with you, but since you've become a permanent member of our social group, I have to hold you to the same standards as everybody else.
Congratulations.
You're officially one of us.
One of us.
One of us.
Well, what a thrill.
You're sitting in my spot.
Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
Leonard, she's in my spot.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't care.
I'm taking a stand.
All right.
That's it.
Strike three.
Ooh, strike three.
I'm banished?
What the hell kind of crap is that?
Don't worry, I'll talk to him.
Yeah, you do that.
Just so I know, would you be open to taking his class?
Would you like to hear a classic Sheldon Cooper factoid?
What do you think?
Great.
I've been doing some reading about vehicular safety.
Did you know that the highest number of drowning accidents happen on or around boats?
Interesting that you would bring that up when I might go work on a boat.
Well, that's the thing about factoids.
They're interesting.
I know what you're doing.
You don't want me going on this research trip because you're afraid to be alone.
Well, I'm not afraid to be alone.
On land.
On the sea, it would be terrifying.
Because of all the drowning.
No, fine.
No more drowning talk.
I'll change the subject.
Who do you think would win in a fight?
You or a shark?
Look, I appreciate your signature blend of concern for me and incredible selfishness.
If I get the chance to do this, there's nothing you can say that's going to stop me.
Very well.
Things between you and Penny have never been better.
I hope four months apart doesn't change anything.
I should have opened with that, huh?
And...
You hit me!
I'm bleeding!
What was that?
Sheldon tried to take the ring and I punched him.
That's my girl.
So, Sheldon, how's it feel to get beaten up by a girl?
Next question.
What is the quantum mechanical effect used to encode data on hard disk drives?
Howard.
And, of course, the answer is giant magneto resistance.
Right.
Hey, I buzzed in.
And I answered.
It's called teamwork.
Don't you think I should answer the engineering questions?
I am an engineer.
By that logic, I should answer all the anthropology questions because I'm a mammal.
Just ask another one.
Okay.
What artificial satellite has seen glimpses of Einstein's predicted frame dragging?
And of course, it's gravity probe B.
Sheldon, you have to let somebody else answer.
Why?
Because it's polite.
What do manners have to do with it?
This is war.
Were the Romans polite when they salted the ground of Carthage to make sure nothing would ever grow again.
Leonard, you said I only had to ask questions.
The objective of the competition is to give correct answers.
If I know them, why shouldn't I give them?
Some of us might have the correct answers, too.
Oh, please, you don't even have a PhD.
All right, that's it.
Howard, sit down.
Okay.
Oh, bother.
Well, isn't that just always the way?
You go to Staples something and you're out of Staples.
Gosh, I wish I'd known that earlier today when I was at Staples.
You ever think of paperclips right there?
Well, no, no, I need something more permanent to join these papers.
Say, don't you keep staples in your top desk drawer?
I don't know, maybe.
Be a lamb and check.
All right.
Who do we have here?
It's a snake.
A terrifying snake.
Did some bad man put us in a draw?
Stop talking like that.
You've been rendered speechless by fear.
Let's go to the biology lab and find you some nice, yummy mice.
I tried to scare an Indian with a snake.
Come on, Cooper, you're better than this.
Really?
Zach wanted you to donate your genetic material for his baby.
Yeah, so I'd be helping out a couple who really want a baby and they were gonna pay us and Penny freaked out about it.
That doesn't make any sense.
No.
They wanted you?
Yes, Sheldon.
They wanted me.
I'm smart.
I'm nice.
I'm smart.
I'm nice.
And I can eat cheese without clearing out a room.
Are you upset he didn't ask you?
Of course not.
I just think it's interesting that of all the people he knows, he thinks you're the best choice.
Well, he does.
I don't see why Penny is so against this.
Perhaps Penny's worried that you haven't considered the emotional toll of knowing there's a child out there who is biologically yours but not actually yours.
Oh, that's really insightful.
Yeah, and I'm taller than you and I don't have asthma.
These people are crazy.
If I'm wrong, prove it.
Okay.
Here's where we derive the mass of the dark matter particle.
No, no, no.
You've misstated the atomic weight of the target.
Let me finish.
You're defacing my work.
I'm not defacing it.
I'm fixing it.
Give me the eraser.
No.
I said give it to me.
Thank you.
Come and get it.
Fine.
Oh, Lord.
Dr. Kootrapalli is your superior.
I forbid you from writing on my board.
You are not my superior.
I am in every way.
Oh, yeah?
Can you do this?
Nice working with you.
I'm sorry, for you.
Leonard disproved my element.
Now all the attention is going to go away.
Oh, that's great.
You must be thrilled.
That's it.
I'm down to seven friends.
He's counting hobbits and superheroes, right?
When I thought the element was real, I didn't want it.
But now that Leonard made it not exist, I want it more than anything in the world.
The element never existed.
I didn't take it away.
Science took it away.
Be mad at science.
Don't you dare use science against me.
Science is my best friend.
Oh, good.
I'm back up to eight.
Will you tell him he's out of his mind?
Actually, I get what he's saying.
Yes!
Nine!
Welcome back, buddy.
It's like if you're dating someone you're not that into and then they break up with you, and then you want them more than ever.
I have no idea what she's talking about, but we're ganging up on you, so I agree.
Okay, Sheldon, what do you want me to do?
Hide the information?
If I don't publish it, it's just a matter of time before someone else does.
No, no, of course you have to publish.
That's your responsibility as a scientist.
Doing otherwise would be unethical.
You have no choice.
Fine, I'll publish.
Can you believe this guy?
Sheldon.
It took me all morning, but I found the owner of the video store and I am happy to report that he died peacefully in his sleep, drunk at the bottom of a pool.
Anyway, there is no one to return the DVD to, so this issue is resolved.
And I'd just like to point out that, even though the sweater was uncomfortable, I didn't use it as an excuse to antagonize everyone around me.
You know, you could reimburse the video store owner's next of kin.
Or it's resolved.
Hey, that next of kin thing sounds pretty good.
This is yours.
Okay, Sheldon, I am out of options.
Video store owner Nurses Manukian has no next of kin.
Well, you seem hot under the collar.
Or is that the sweater?
Oh no no no, it's because I spent all afternoon at the Armenian church where his funeral mass was held.
According to Father Solakian, no one attended.
Luckily, my trip wasn't a complete waste.
I lit a candle and prayed for your death, but I'm not Armenian, so it probably won't work.
This is over, right?
Not necessarily.
I suggest you look for long lost relatives, either in Armenia or Lebanon.
Listen to me, Sheldon.
I am not going to Lebanon to return Super Mario Brothers the movie!
It might be fun.
You love hummus.
Why isn't this bothering you?
Isn't your brain getting itchy?
This is on your card.
This could be ruining your credit score.
Why isn't this making you crazy?
Women.
I have something to tell you, but I want you to promise not to flip out.
To what?
Seven years ago, I found out the DVD was late and I paid for it.
What?
I was going to mention it at the time, but then I thought someday this might be a teachable moment.
What?!
I've taken the liberty of having these made for our rematch.
The Wesley Crushers?
No, not the Wesley Crushers.
The Wesley Crushers.
I don't get it.
Wesley Crusher was Will Wheaton's character on Star Trek.
Still don't get it.
It's a blindingly clever play on words.
By appropriating his character's name and adding the S, we imply that we'll be the Crushers of Wesley.
Okay, I'm sorry honey, but the Wesley Crushers sounds like a bunch of people who like Wesley Crusher.
But, no, again, it's not the Wesley Crushers.
It's the Wesley Crushers.
If you want it to mean you're crushing Wesley, it'd be the Wesley Crushers.
Do you people even hear yourselves?
It's not the Wesley Crushers.
It's not the Wesley Crushers.
It's the Wesley Crushers.
Hey, look.
They named their team after me.
No, it's not...
Never mind.
So Dennis, how long have you been in America?
A year and a half.
No kidding.
You speak English really well.
So do you.
Except for your tendency to end sentences with prepositions.
What are you talking about?
That.
He's not wrong.
All right.
And this is my office.
Is this part of the tour?
Nope.
Goodbye.
Come on, Sheldon.
We've hardly shown him anything.
All right.
This is my desk.
These are my books.
This is my door.
Please close it behind you.
Goodbye.
Looks like you're doing work in Quantum Loop Corrections.
Keen observation.
Goodbye.
You see where he went wrong, don't you?
Leonard?
Yeah?
Get him out.
Come on, Dennis, I'll show you the rec center.
They've got Nautilus equipment.
Do I look like I lift weights?
Not heavy ones.
It's startling to me you haven't considered a Lorentz invariant or field theory approach.
You think I haven't considered it?
You really think I haven't considered it?
Have you considered it?
Get him out, Leonard.
Come on, Dennis.
I'll show you the radiation lab.
Wow.
You won the Stevenson Award?
Yes.
In fact, I am the youngest person ever to win it.
Really?
How old?
Fourteen and a half.
You were the youngest person ever to win it.
It's like looking into an obnoxious little mirror, isn't it?
Oh, this is so exciting!
Hey, when we sell the Bitcoin, are you gonna pay your dad back all the money you took from him over the years?
I never even crossed my mind.
Okay, here's the Bitcoin folder.
Yeah, how much is in there?
It's empty.
What?
That's impossible.
Do you think Zack stole it?
He doesn't know how to steal Bitcoin.
I mean, he waves at trucks.
Hmm, who could it have been?
Sheldon, what did you do?
I plotted my revenge.
If you get a dish, I'll serve you some cold.
You stole our Bitcoin.
Oh, calm down.
All I did was sneak onto your computer and download your Bitcoin onto a flash drive.
What?
I'm not keeping it.
I just wanted to watch you sweat.
Well, if you want to watch him sweat, walk up a flight of stairs with him.
I've waited seven long years, but it finally happened.
Where's our money?
That's the best part.
It's on the Batman flash drive on your key chain.
You've had it in your pocket all along.
Sheldon, I lost that key chain years ago.
Really?
Did you look under things?
Well, that is unfortunate.
I guess we have all learned a lesson today.
What was the lesson?
I don't know.
Leonard, I don't mean to alarm you, but the Chinese food smells funny.
That's because it's barbecue.
But it's Chinese food night.
I picked it.
You're the one who told me to stop being such a satisficer all the time.
What?
I did not.
I just pointed out that you were one.
It's what I like best about you.
Well, that and those little notes you leave in my lunch.
I leave those!
Well, that's disappointing.
I already know that you heart me, now I don't know if Leonard does.
Well, this is what we're having for dinner.
You can eat it or not, I don't care.
I guess that answers the heart question.
It's fine.
We'll have barbecue.
Of course.
I am nothing if not flexible.
I am sure that at some point in the 3000-year history of the Chinese empire, a cavalryman crossing the Gobi Desert was forced by hunger to eat his own horse and roasted over a campfire.
Hence, Chinese barbecue.
Let's eat.
Gee, I'm sorry.
I didn't watch the news today.
Has the whole world gone mad?
It's my house.
I'm tired of being told where I can and can't sit.
You did this.
Amy, grab your meat.
We're leaving in a huff.
I'm sorry.
If I don't go now, it's not a huff.
Don't take this the wrong way, but that was even more exciting than the sex.
Don't take this the wrong way, but yes, it was.
