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What if kittens?
Hey there folks, and welcome back to What If World, the show where your questions and ideas inspire off-the-cuff stories.
I'm Mr. Eric, your host, and today we're finishing off our two-part holiday remastered special.
Cuthunkle might think the last part happened last week, but that's just because he's a timeless being who exists in all times at once, so he doesn't realize that we already did this episode before.
But you do.
We've remastered it to remove some of those clicks and pops and just make it sound a little well-balanced overall.
So I hope you enjoy it, and we'll be back next week with a brand new episode.
Now let's hear the rest of the Cthunkle Carol.
What if they missed the first part or just forgot because your stories are so forgettable?
Cthunkle, I'm doing these stories as a surprise birthday party present for you.
I mean, the surprise was last week.
Now I've just been waiting.
You said you were an interdimensional being that existed in all times.
Yes, but I can still get impatient.
Well, let's catch folks at home up.
So we can finish out our story.
Well, if you remember, Ebenezer Cthunkle was a wonderful man who everyone loved, and so they let him rule the world.
And then for some reason, a bunch of ghosts started haunting him.
Maybe I should do the recap.
Oh, I've got this.
My nephew Fred invited me to his ifmas party and I politely declined, without implying that I might eat him.
So I suppose you eating the portly gentleman who asked you for a donation was just a convenient coincidence.
And he insisted upon being eaten.
No, I didn't!
Well, you did fire Barbara Cratchit.
Barb Cratchit.
She prefers Barbara.
And I only did that because she refused to increase everyone's rent.
And everyone always wants their rent to go up.
Higher is better.
Bigger is better.
More is more.
See how nice I am?
So I guess you being haunted by Jacob Olimo and the ghost of Ifmis Past was just another coincidence.
More like a misunderstanding.
They seem to think I must change my ways.
But remember how you used to be so nice?
Helping Robot Llama find a new saxophone, even though it took 12 years?
Some friend.
I haven't seen Robot Llama since I took over the world and made playing the saxophone illegal.
What was that last part?
Oh, he just kept playing it all the time.
Okay, buddy.
Oh oh, and we left off with the ghost of Christmas present bursting through the ceiling of Fuzzy Wig's old shop.
I guess we were going to get smoothies or something.
Yeah, he's a really impulsive ghost.
I don't know where this is gonna go.
It will probably end with me outlawing smoothies, and everyone will cheer.
Hey, some people like smoothies.
No, people like milkshakes.
They suffer smoothies.
Well, I'm lactose intolerant, so... Fine, I'll outlaw lactose intolerance, too.
Can we just get back to the story?
I guess we'd better.
So we're gonna take a quick break, and then we'll come back. with What If World's Cuthunkle Carol.
Hey there, grown-ups!
Mr. Eric here to tell you about a new YouTube show we love.
It's called The Park Players.
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It's an analog alternative for today's digital world, reminding us that everyone in the park is welcome.
So gather your family.
Grab a comfy spot and let the silliness unfold.
Ready to join the fun?
Check out The Park Players on YouTube at youtube.com slash at parkplayers.
That's The Park Players on YouTube.
Enjoy!
Grownups.
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It has totally transformed our routine, and we've just released three Yoto cards for all of you.
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Welcome back to A Cthunkle Carol.
Remember that this story takes place some time ago.
In a what-if world very different from the one you know.
As we focus in on Ebenezer Cthunkle and the jolly green dragon that is the ghost of Ifmis Present.
Come in and know me better, man.
And a giant jolly green dragon crashed through the wall of old Fuzzy Wig's shop as the ghost of Ifmis Past disappeared, floating away like twinkling stardust.
If, Miss Present, why did you burst through the wall after inviting me in?
I don't know.
I'm very impulsive.
Let's go get smoothies.
I don't want a smoothie.
No, it's fine.
I know a great place.
Climb on my back.
I will fly us there.
You know, I can fly on my own.
And the ghost of If Miss Present picked up, Cthunkle and burst through the ceiling of Old Fuzzy Wig Shop.
You shouldn't have destroyed his shop.
I did not.
Time did.
The people who rented from you could never afford to fix the place up.
And so it fell, as has much of this city.
And as Cthunkle looked over the city that he ruled, he saw it mostly in shambles.
Except for his giant fortress, and even that looked drafty and cold in the moonlight.
Ugh, now I think I want that smoothie.
And they landed in front of a rickety old storefront.
Well, actually, it was a house.
Well, actually it was a tiny apartment at the bottom of a building and half the front wall was missing, which made for a convenient counter.
And a very drafty home.
I can't believe that Cathunkle fired you on ifmas eve.
Oh, don't you worry, Mr. Cratchit.
We're gonna pull through.
We always do.
Mom, can I have some smoothie?
I'm sorry, Tiny Zim.
We gotta sell these smoothies.
They're too expensive to make.
But I'll whip you up one of Mr. Cratchit's famous street sludge smoothies.
Okay, Dad.
If you do make The finest street sludge around.
I will take two smoothies, please.
No, no, no, no, no.
I can't be seen by her.
I just fired her.
Don't worry.
They cannot see us.
We are ghosts.
I'm a ghost in the present.
That's really confusing.
Okay, two smoothies for the floating voices, one of which sounds strangely like my old boss.
No, it isn't your old boss, Govness.
Oh, I know.
He'd never spend a hay penny on a smoothie.
Well, merry ifmas to you, too.
That'll be $6.50 apiece.
Do you accept ghost money?
Oh, boy.
Mr. Cratchit, we're gonna have to sell the furniture.
I already used it for firewood, honey.
This is really not my day.
Oh, that's okay.
I promise we'll pay ye back.
And in the meantime, Tiny Zim can have me smoothie.
I slipped into a little bit of a piratey accent there.
All right, it no work.
Okay, I'm leaving.
And as Cthunkle walked away from the dark storefront, He found himself in the middle of a brightly lit room where a bunch of well-dressed people seemed to be having a holiday party.
And then he ate the guy who was collecting donations.
They're talking about you.
Yes, I understood that.
First, I bet he said, are there no prisons?
Are there no workhouses?
No, he didn't have time for a cool line like that.
There were like three things happening at once.
What a pathetic individual.
I know he's sad and lonely, I mean.
But he's still my family.
Oh, he still loves me.
Which is why I'm gonna tell him that I won't put up with that kind of abuse anymore.
Threatening to eat his own nephew.
Good per you.
Talk about him makes me so mad I'm gonna go eat a stick.
I thought you were trying to cut back.
Give me a break, Jojo.
Can we please get to the last ghost?
That was rough.
Fine.
I wanted to go chase that butterfly anyway.
And as the ghost of ifness present... flew off into the distance, the bright room faded away.
And Cthunkle found himself in the middle of his fortress again, except it was even darker than usual.
Something's missing.
Cthunkle noticed a robed figure towering over him, and it pointed a big bony hand toward the center of the fortress, where a massive horde had once climbed all the way to the vaulted ceiling.
Yes, something's definitely missing.
The hand pointed even more insistently toward the missing horde of gem and jewels and toys.
I know.
It's your skin.
You're a skeleton.
Oh, Kazanko, all your treasure's gone, said the ghost of Ifmis yet to come.
No.
No.
How could this have happened?
I've learned my lesson.
I'll be good.
Just please don't take away my riches.
I don't think you've learned your lesson at all.
The skeleton snapped its hand, and they were in front of that old smoothie storefront.
Oh, thank goodness that Cthunkle's gone.
And everyone in What If World got a fair share of their money back.
It was truly an infamous miracle.
But I just wish it could have happened before I turned into a sludge monster.
Me too, honey.
Me too.
But you, being a sludge monster, allowed you to finally defeat Cthunkle and imprison him inside an extinct volcano forever.
I know that, Dad.
I don't know why you feel the need to say that every day.
I'm just really happy about how things turned out for us.
No.
If only I had treated others fairly, I wouldn't have eventually been overthrown.
I've been such a fool.
Well, yeah, but also maybe you would have made some friends and been, you know, happy?
Quick, take me back to the present.
I've got a spread-eath mischief so that this future never happens.
Yeah, well, I'll take it, I guess.
And with a snap, Ebenezer Cthunkle was back in his four-post bed.
He sprung out, tentacles flailing, and put on his finest, least slimy suit.
Then he scuttled all the way to Fred's house.
Fred.
Oh, what is it?
I want to come to your party.
Oh, I guess.
Well, can you tone down your attitude for a minute?
I'll tone it down forever.
You know, a little.
Uh... And also, I'll make you partner at the firm, with Uncle and Fred.
Oh, that sounds pretty good.
Now help me rehire my clerk, Barb Cratchit.
I think she prefers Barbara.
And off they rushed to the drafty apartment building where Barbara, Mr Cratchit and Tiny Zim all huddled together while making smoothies.
You know, this isn't zoned for commercial use.
Oh, come on, Cthunkle.
And who wants a smoothie in the middle of winter?
I would like one.
You get out of the hole in the front of my house, Guth Uncle.
All right, but not before I hire you back, Bob Cratchit, at double your salary.
Oh, oh, okay.
So give that boy some fruits and vegetables so he doesn't turn into a sludge monster or something.
Yeah, and guess what?
He made me partner.
Uh, excuse me?
Yeah, it's the infamous miracle.
I don't even know anything about landscaping.
No, he's a landlord of the entire world.
Okay, sounds fine.
As long as I can do these sticks.
Cthunkle, why wouldn't you make me partner?
Ugh, fine.
Okay, Cthunkle, as your partner, first things first.
Spit out the portly gentleman.
What?
I can't.
I have finished eating him.
No, he hasn't.
Oh, sorry.
I was just working on my ventriloquism act.
No, he hasn't.
That wasn't me.
I'm here in his belly.
That wasn't me.
I'm here in his... You're not buying this, are you?
I am not.
Hey, did you know he's got a clown museum in his stomach?
Okay, Cthunkle, now give him a donation.
A big one.
Oh, isn't not eating him enough?
Cthunkle, I thought you were trying to be better.
I just should have made Fred partner.
I probably would have had you not eat him too.
Well, if I'd remembered, which I probably wouldn't have.
So I really do think that Barbara Cratchit's the better person for the job.
Fine.
And Cthunkle was begrudgingly better than his word.
Mostly because he'd hired somebody competent to do his job.
And Barbara Cratchit gave away most of Cthunkle's vast fortune and adjusted rents and interest rates so that people could live affordably.
Barbara, I thought we were just going to send a couple of presents to an orphanage or something.
Oh yeah, we're doing that too.
To all the orphanages.
I'll need another one of those rubies the size of...
Don't worry, Uncle Cthunkle, as Tiny Zim had come to call him.
I made you a paper mache ruby in art class.
Great.
And while not everyone in What If World could ever really get behind Cthunkle, they mostly didn't dislike him anymore.
And Cthunkle's icy fortress had been converted into a year-round ice skating rink.
By the way, I had your fortress converted into an ice skating rink.
That was my second to last fortress.
And if you ever visit Cthunkle's last fortress deep beneath Squid Lake, you won't find as many gems or jewels, but you will find a papier-mâché ruby, carefully encased against the water and somehow shining brighter than any riches ever could.
I found my new saxophone.
It only took 12 years.
But then I got bored of it.
Robot Llama, you're back.
I used my vast riches to commission you the finest saxophone ever made.
I've missed you, old friend.
It's made of solid platinum with sapphire keys.
That's right.
A pure magic mouthpiece.
I hope you like it.
I'll put it with the maybes.
The end.
Well, May, Lars, and Otto, I hope you enjoyed your story.
What a night.
I totally forgotten about that time I used to own the world.
I know, weird, right?
Well, happy birthday, Cuthunkle.
I'm glad you liked it too.
I want to thank you all for sticking with me through this year.
I've seen so many nice reviews and emails and heard so many kind words from kids and grown-ups alike.
And your gratitude helps inspire and motivate me every day.
What's one thing that you are grateful for from today, the most recent thing that you can remember?
Maybe you're grateful you had time to listen to this story or that you get to spend some quality time with your grown-up this holiday season.
Now, what's something you're excited about for tomorrow?
Not next year, not some big lofty goal, just one thing you're excited to do.
If people like Kathunkle went to bed each night thinking about one thing they were grateful for and one thing they're excited about, do you think they'd be happier?
Why don't you try it for a week and see if it makes you feel happier?
I know it certainly helps me.
I'd like to thank Karen O'Keefe, my co-creator, my producer, Miss Lynn Craig Martinson for our theme song, And all you kids at home who know that being kind and fair sometimes takes a lot of work.
But it always feels great.
Until we meet again, keep wondering.
