fastersmarter.io slash ELL. This page is designed to help all non-native English speakers feel less
anxious while being more authentic and successful in their communication. In addition to practical
advice, you will find ThinkFast TalkSmart episode-specific ELL content along with links to my
favorite English language learning podcast playlist. Please check out Faster The Lea Crom on Mindset.
Mind Control was my favorite class in college. In it, we learned the tactics and theories
others use to persuade us. Later, I learned that while other people can be influential and changing
our perceptions, attitudes, and behaviors, some of the most effective influence actually
originates from within ourselves. Hello, I'm Matt Abrahams and I teach strategic communication
at Stanford Graduate School of Business. Welcome to ThinkFast. Thanks for being here.
Thanks Matt. It's great to be here. Great. Let's go ahead and get started. To begin, what are
mindsets and how do they influence our actions and ways of being? We define mindsets as core assumptions
that we have about domains or categories of things that orient us to a particular set of.
Provide to those of us suffering from communication, anxiety, and stress around speaking.
Yeah, so a lot of people have been studying stress and anxiety for over a century now from
academic standpoint. Of course, we've always experienced stress and anxiety to some degree.
And by and large, what they've focused on is when it comes to the psychology of stress is
what people call appraisal. So how do you appraise or think about the stressor? And you
find that most people have the mindset that stressful situations are inherently debilitating.
They're going to ultimately make us sick, make us struggle, make us crumble under pressure.
And when you look at the truth about stress, stress, which is like most things very complicated,
you realize that that is a simplified assumption. It's not necessarily wrong, but it's only one way
of you having function under stress. It's not to tell them that it's bad for them and they should
avoid it or rise above it or cope with it. It's to help them realize that stress is natural.
Stress is inevitable when you're living a life that's connected with, you know,
things you care about. Right. And learning how to embrace it, learning how to work with it
is really what helps us thrive and grow and perform at our highest level.
So let me let me put you on the spot. Let's say I am somebody who has a big upcoming
presentation or a meeting contribution, I'm getting nervous. What could I do in terms of my mindset
to help me feel a little less nervous and perhaps even more excited about the opportunity?
The steps to change your mindset are, you know, at least as we teach us, right? I'm stressed about
acts, this upcoming presentation, because I care about why and what is the why? Right. So it's the
goal that you're trying to achieve or the change you're trying to affect. That's the why.
Exactly. I care about it because I, you know, really feel like I have something
important to say that could improve the lives of the people I'm communicating to or could change
the way we're doing things at this company or could, you know, alter fundamentally,
you know, the relationship that I have with this loved one, right? These, these are the whys,
right? And, you know, you got to go deeper in asking the why, we call it sort of the downward
arrows of why's, you know, sometimes people are like, well, I'm stressed about this presentation
because like, I don't want to screw it up. Right. Well, why don't you want to screw it up?
Well, I don't want to screw it up because I don't want to get fired. It's like, well, why don't you
want to get underlined that stress? So those are three steps that we share with people to help them
to get into this mindset that stress can be enhancing that the experience of stress can help
us rise to a higher level of communication and performance and existence.
That is really powerful and very specific and thank you. And it avoids the checking out and
the freaking out and allows you to harness the stress to support the goal that you're trying to
achieve. I think that's fantastic. So let's switch gears a little bit. And in our roles as leaders,
teachers, caregivers, and mentors, what are something? Human, perhaps. I have two teenagers. Believe
me, I know. Yeah. So, certainly, we have lots to talk about. And you start to realize, you know,
coming from the work that I've done up into this point that so much of parenting or lead leadership,
enough, we equate to that revolves around trying to get people to do something, to change their
behavior sets for them that help them adopt adaptive behaviors on their own accord. Right? So,
what is the deeper mindset that exists in her mind or in anyone's mind that is leading them to
engage in a behavior that might not be the appropriate one or the useful one? And what would be a
more adaptive mindset? So instead of trying to get my three-year-old to eat, what can I do to shape
her mindset about the nature of healthy food? And then you realize, oh, you know, all these tactics,
hey, you need to eat your broccoli before you can have your ice cream, aren't actually
reinforcing the mindset that those are the less tasty, less appealing things to eat.
Right. So, what can I do in my communication as a parent or as a leader to help shape adaptive
mindset and focus on that more than when I was leading the teams I led in the corporate world?
I definitely took that approach of my job as to shelter, protect, prioritize, and I see now
reflection given your insights that it would have been much better for me to engage them in
discussions of how to better handle the stress and look at the way we're approaching it,
rather than just trying to deflect and defend them. So thank you for that.
So you yourself, Alia, are of...
Just like, and for me, you know, my, you know, physiological tendency with anxiety,
especially with communication is my voice starts to quiver and shake.
So I could notice that that was happening that I felt I had to share. And, you know,
it's interesting because I think, you know, I was like devastated after I delivered it. Oh my God,
I totally screwed it up. I was like, anxious. I would put this in that. But in the end, you know,
it's okay. And if some, you know, anxiety seeps through, that's also authentic and showing that
I really cared about it. I really cared about doing a good job.
Yeah. As somebody who has done talks like that and has coached many people who've done talks
like that, you'd be able to capture the best communication advice you ever received as a five
to seven word presentation slide title. What would it be?
Be yourself. Your best self. I like that. It's very empowering and encouraging. Do you find that
a mantra like that helps you? I do. I, you know, I actually, I, so my father taught, you know,
yes, you have a purpose. You have a why here. You have a need to present and connect and share
something. But also you have so much to learn. And there's so much to be gained from just being
open in a situation. So it's, you know, that balance between being present, being powerful and
having a sense of confidence and conviction, but also being open to the mystery.
That's cool. So many people think of communication and
positioning as I can. It comes from my upbringing and learning from him around centering,
working with energy and connecting to one's highest purpose. And he, you know, he was a masterful
communicator. He's just a great storyteller. But I think what made him most powerful was just how
authentic he was and how he really came from a place of wanting to help people. But be your
bell self, right? Connect to really what matters, really what you care about. What are you actually
trying to do here? That's a value, right? That's what I mean by being your best self. And the third
piece is be open. We're great communicators only to the extent that we're really able to listen
and learn and be flexible. So much for sharing specific things we can all do to adopt and support
positive mindsets. Thank you. Thanks Matt. It was so fun and I look forward to talking more about all
of this. Excellent. Thank you for listening to Think Fast, Talk Smart, The Podcast, a production
of Stanford Graduate School of Business to learn more go to gsb.stanford.edu. Please download
other episodes wherever you find your podcasts. Hi, Matt here. We'd like to ask for your help.
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