Welcome to English as a Second Language podcast number 1144.
Being assertive and meek.
This is English as a Second Language podcast episode 1144.
I'm your host, Dr Jeff McQuillan, coming to you from the Center for Educational Development in beautiful Los Angeles, California.
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In this episode, we're going to listen to a dialogue between Victor and Maura about someone who is assertive, someone who gives his or her opinion with great confidence, and someone who is meek, someone who is not very strong or perhaps likes to keep quiet.
Let's get started.
We need to take the bull by the horns.
In the meeting today, we're going to give it to them straight.
No more hemming and hawing.
You're right.
We need to tell them what we really think and be done with it.
Definitely.
We've been conciliatory long enough.
Today we need to be insistent without being too pushy.
Being unassuming and deferential has its place but not if we seem meek.
We need to be assertive without being too in-your-face.
You're absolutely right.
One of us has to speak up.
Yes, one of us has to be bold.
They'll have to take us seriously this time.
Okay, ready?
Sure.
I have your back.
Huh?
I thought you were going to do the talking.
Uh, I thought you were.
Maybe we should wait for the next meeting to take them on.
I totally agree.
It'll give us a little time to work up to it.
Exactly.
Victor begins our dialogue by saying we need to take the bull by the horns.
To take the bull B-U-L-L by the horns.
H-O-R-N-S means to deal directly with something that is very difficult, without hesitating, without delaying, to do it right now.
A bull is an animal, a male animal whose opposite is the cow, the female animal of that particular kind of animal.
A bull has horns, things that stick out of its head.
Bulls are known, at least in the popular imagination, of being very difficult to control, of being dangerous.
So to take a bull by its horns would be a very dangerous thing to do.
You could get hurt.
This expression, then.
To take the bull by the horns means to try to take care of something that is very difficult or challenging.
Victor says, No more hemming and hawing.
The expression to give it to someone straight means to tell someone the truth in a very simple and direct way.
We might say in a straightforward way.
I'm going to give it to you straight today.
I'm going to tell you the truth, even though it might hurt you, even though it might be difficult for you to accept.
The expression hemming, H-E-M-M-I-N-G, and hawing, H-A-W-I-N-G, is a somewhat unusual one.
To hem and haw means... to speak indirectly.
It's the opposite in a way of giving it to someone straight.
To Hem and Haw is to speak very indirectly or, I think, more commonly, not to make a decision, to go back and forth, to keep talking about something without actually coming to a decision.
Someone who doesn't want to make a decision or wants more time to make a decision might hem and haw.
Well, Victor is saying that they're not going to hem and haw.
They're going to give it to them straight, whoever they are.
Mara says, you're right, meaning you're correct.
We need to tell them what we really think and be done with it.
The expression.
To be done with it means to finish something and leave nothing undone to make sure that you've completely finished whatever it is that you're doing.
Often we use this expression when the thing to be done is perhaps somewhat painful, or something you don't really want to do.
If you're going to break up with your girlfriend or your boyfriend, Some people say it's better just to tell them directly and be done with it.
Don't wait or give hints over a period of weeks that maybe you're not happy in your relationship, and so forth.
Some people would say, just do it and be done with it.
Victor agrees with Maura.
He says definitely.
We've been conciliatory long enough.
To be conciliatory.
C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-O-R-Y means to try to find a peaceful resolution to a problem, especially when one or both people who disagree about something are angry or upset.
To be conciliatory means to try to end a conflict or a disagreement in such a way that the other person or the other group of people isn't angry or upset.
If you have a disagreement with your wife or your husband, you might try to be conciliatory later on.
You might try to say nice things to them so that he or she is no longer angry.
This isn't always easy, of course.
It depends what you said.
Victor says, today we need to be insistent without being too pushy.
To be insistent, I-N-S-I-S-T-E-N-T, means to be demanding, to not accept no for an answer.
Someone who is insistent continues to try to win the argument or get what he wants.
Someone who is pushy, P-U-S-H-Y, is someone who is insistent but in a very forceful way.
Someone who tries to make other people do what he wants.
Pushy is always a negative way of describing someone.
You can be insistent without being pushy.
To be pushy means to go too far, to be too forceful.
Mara agrees.
She says, being unassuming and deferential has its place, but not if we seem meek.
To be unassuming.
U-N-A-S-S-U-M-I-N-G means to be modest, not to want other people to pay attention to you, not to consider yourself the best person in the room, not to be arrogant.
Someone who is unassuming is humble, is modest.
Mara says being unassuming and deferential has its place.
To be deferential, D-E-F-E-R, E-N-T-I-A-L, means to be very respectful of people who are more powerful or perhaps who are older. but so much so that you let them make all the decisions.
To be deferential means usually to be too respectful of people, to let other people do everything or make all of the important decisions.
I should add that being deferential isn't always a bad thing, although it's often used in a negative sense nowadays, perhaps because we all want to get our own way.
No one wants to be deferential anymore.
Morris says however, that being deferential has its place, meaning sometimes it's okay to, But she continues not if we seem meek, M-E-E-K.
To be meek here means to do what other people want you to do, usually, to be humble.
To be meek, however, can mean simply to be quiet and gentle.
It doesn't have to be a bad thing, but Mara uses it here in a negative way, perhaps because we're talking about something related to business, where people often think that being meek is the same as being weak W-E-A-K.
Mara says we need to be assertive without being too in your face.
To be assertive.
A-S-S-E-R-T-I-V-E means to be forceful and confident, but still in a respectful way.
To be assertive is not to be pushy.
To be assertive means to show confidence to get what you want, to be someone who is willing to say what he wants and insist upon it.
Morris thinks they should be assertive without being too in-your-face.
To be in-your-face means to be confrontational, to be argumentative, to argue with someone, to directly challenge someone in order to win an argument or to get what you want.
It's similar to being pushy, but it refers specifically to someone who confronts another person, who argues with another person or says things to another person that would make him angry.
Victor agrees.
He says, you're absolutely right.
One of us has to speak up.
To speak up is a two-word phrasal verb meaning to give your opinion, especially when in the past you've been quiet.
To speak up means to actually voice or tell someone what you're thinking.
Maura agrees.
She says, yes, one of us has to be bold.
To be bold, B-O-L-D, here means to be direct, to be forceful, to be brave.
Not to be shy.
Not to be meek.
She says, they'll have to take us seriously this time.
Victor says, okay, ready?
Ready?
Mara says, sure, I have your back.
To have someone's back, B-A-C-K, means to support someone who is taking action.
You're not the person taking the action, but you're helping that person.
You're supporting that person.
Mara thinks that Victor is going to be the one to speak up.
Victor obviously thought Mara was going to be the one to speak up because he says, huh?
I thought you were going to do the talking, meaning you were the one who was going to actually speak.
Mara says, uh, I thought you were.
Victor says, maybe we should wait for the next meeting to take them on.
To take someone on means to start an argument or a disagreement with someone, to confront someone.
Mara says, I totally agree, meaning I completely agree.
It'll give us time to work up to it.
To work up to something is a phrasal verb meaning to slowly prepare for something so that you are ready for it.
So after all this discussion about how they were going to give it to them straight, how they were going to be insistent, and so forth, it turns out that neither Mara nor Victor really wanted to be the one to speak up to do the talking.
This, of course, is a common problem.
People are very brave until it comes to the point where they actually have to do something.
Now let's listen to the dialogue, this time at a normal speed.
We need to take the bull by the horns.
In the meeting today, we're going to give it to them straight.
No more hemming and hawing.
You're right.
We need to tell them what we really think and be done with it.
Definitely.
We've been conciliatory long enough.
Today we need to be insistent without being too pushy.
Being unassuming and deferential has its place.
But not if we seem meek.
We need to be assertive without being too in-your-face.
You're absolutely right.
One of us has to speak up.
Yes, one of us has to be bold.
They'll have to take us seriously this time.
Okay, ready?
Sure, I have your back.
Huh?
I thought you were going to do the talking.
Uh, I thought you were.
Maybe we should wait for the next meeting to take them on.
I totally agree.
It'll give us a little time to work up to it.
Exactly.
Our script was written by our unassuming script writer, the wonderful Dr. Lucy Say.
From Los Angeles, California, I'm Jeff McQuillan.
Thank you for listening.
Come back and listen to us again right here on ESL Podcast.
English as a Second Language Podcast is written and produced by Dr Lucy Say, hosted by Dr Jeff McQuillan.
Copyright 2015 by the Center for Educational Development.
