Hello everybody, and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s, and what they mean for our psychology.
Hello everybody, welcome back to the show.
Welcome back to the podcast, new listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world, you know the drill.
It is so great to have you here back for not only another episode, but a very, very, very special episode.
This is my 100th episode of the psychology of your 20s, and I'm kind of shook.
I cannot believe that I've made a hundred of these episodes.
It's just so insane to me that like this little tiny podcast that I started in back in when I was at uni really back in like my share house in Canberra is, you know, my job now is like the thing that I love the most is the thing that I put so much time and attention to.
And there are so many of you amazing listeners out there who tune in every single week and who send me the most kind, heartfelt, lovely messages.
And I'm just so grateful and glad that this content has resonated with so many people.
It's such like an incredible milestone to me, like a hundred episodes.
I did not think that I was going to make a hundred episodes, let alone make 50 when I first started.
It was just like a fun little hobby for me to like discuss my favorite topics in psychology and what I was thinking about and what my friends were thinking about.
And it's really come so far.
So I just want to say from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you for listening, for supporting this show, for caring what I have to say.
That's like, I think the most bizarre part of it.
I really, really appreciate it.
And kind of in honor of that milestone, I thought that I'd do something a little bit different.
So regularly scheduled content will resume obviously on Friday, but there are so many questions that I regularly get from people.
So many people follow me on Instagram and send me DMs and want advice and want to know more about me.
And I think that I've kind of like shied away from like talking about my like kind of breaking the fourth wall, right?
And like talking about my experience actually making this show and what I've learned.
And obviously I use like anecdotal pieces of my life throughout the show, but like I feel like I've never really sat down and been like, here's who I am.
This is what I do. This is what my life is like.
So I thought that in honor of 100 episodes, we would do that today.
And I got all of your questions from Instagram you guys sent through so many.
So I really appreciate you taking the time to think of some amazing things to ask.
And I want to sit down.
I want to answer them.
I want to give some advice and just kind of talk about what this like, what this has been like.
Also, it's also the two year anniversary of the show as well.
So I didn't even mention that it's like 100 episodes and two year anniversary.
So oh my God, I've got a two year old getting I've got a little toddler now, a little toddler of a podcast.
So, so many amazing celebrations.
And I really want to yeah, I really want to do some different something different this week and sit down and kind of like have a chat.
So that's what we're going to do in just a second.
All righty everyone, let's get into it.
So the OG listeners of this show will remember that like when I first started, I was literally recording on my phone.
Terrible idea, terrible audio quality in like the back of my car, in my share house, like on my friend's floor and a lot of like the content that I originally did was with my good friends.
So if you go back and you go all the way back to the beginning, you'll see it's just like people that I knew at college, like people that I knew at university who I thought were really interesting and I would like bring them on for a chat.
And it's like so bizarre now that like it's evolved into this like entirely new process, but I really think that what I've tried to like remain and like keep at its core is like that authenticity, right?
Like no one writes my scripts for me.
No one edits my episodes for me.
I am still to this day sitting on the floor.
I wish I'm going to post a photo.
I'm sitting on the floor recording this with my laptop and I really want to keep it that way.
Like I think that that is what really brings people in, but also what makes it fun for me.
That it is still this like really beautiful solitary, but also like self -motivated and self -run activity.
One of the questions I got, which I really loved is that, you know, obviously in two years it went from being like a hobby to obviously there's so many people who are listening to this.
Like it's beyond insane to me.
Like I don't even think I can comprehend it.
And someone asked me like what is the biggest lesson that you've learned?
I think the biggest lesson that I've learned has to do with like authenticity and vulnerability.
And that is that when you put yourself out there in a way that is quite vulnerable.
That is very not unique, but I would say revealing.
People really respond to that.
I really thought that the interesting thing I think is that the topics that I thought were going to bomb, like the topics I thought no one would ever listen to.
I thought they were too private.
There was one on loneliness.
The recent episode I did on how I've been feeling ugly and this one on like situationships.
Those three episodes that I thought no one would be would want to listen to, they were too private, they were too vulnerable, have been the ones that people come back to me time and time again and say like that really changed my outlook on life.
That was really important for me to hear.
And I think that that really provided me with this sense of like people are actually just looking for connection and people want someone to I guess be real.
And hopefully that is what I continue to do.
And I really want to keep doing that because I think there is so much content out there that is like curated, that is edited, that is fake, that is produced to a point of it being completely unrelatable.
And as much as that is entertaining and as much as like our brains love a good doom scroll on Instagram and love a little bit of social comparison, we really like kind of lost touch with what it means to just be having a human experience.
And we've lost touch with what it means to be someone who is insecure and someone who has gone through it and someone who is in their 20s and just as confused as everyone else.
So I do think like the biggest lesson I've learned is that when you put yourself out there, life will reward you and you will surprise yourself.
Life will surprise you in a million ways, a million tiny different ways.
Another lesson I've learned actually is how willing people are to share their stories with you.
That has been such a beautiful surprise, the amount of people that even like come up to me on the street or people that I get DMs from who I think we're all just really seeking connection.
And I think that was something I did know beforehand, but I've really learned that it runs so much deeper than I think a lot of us recognize.
Like we all are just looking to connect on some very universal human level.
So I would say that is the true, maybe it's the same lesson.
Like one of the biggest lessons that I've learned from this show.
The other one that I would like, it's kind of a piece of advice, kind of a lesson is do not record on your phone.
Go on if you want to be a podcaster.
Like I think when I started, I really like kind of didn't really believe in myself and was just doing it for fun.
You should really invest in yourself.
If there's something you really want to do, go and actually buy the equipment.
Like I listened back to some of my early episodes and like the episode that obviously gets the most lessons is the one on imposter syndrome, which is my first ever episode.
And it is like, please do not listen to it.
It is so poorly recorded.
It is terrible. And I've like been tossing up like whether I just rerecord it, because it's often the first episode people listen to when they find my show or whether I just leave it up just to kind of show the process and the growth that we all go through.
Like you're going to learn so many things by just doing, oh my gosh, actually, maybe that's my biggest life lesson that I've learned from this.
Like I think if we wait for everything to be perfect, we miss out on a lot of the learning opportunities and you can just learn on the way.
Like this show has adapted and grown so much and developed, right?
Like I started recording on my phone and then I started recording with like a microphone.
I got off, I think like Amazon.
And then I finally like got a proper, like, you know, it's that's so boring, right?
No one wants to hear that.
But I think you will learn in anything that you do better by doing than by waiting.
All right, so the next question that I got was what advice would you give to someone who wants to start a podcast?
I get this question a lot.
I would say just do it firstly.
It doesn't matter if your first episode is terrible.
What matters is that you are consistent and that you learn along the way.
So I would say practical advice is to really invest in like a good name, invest in like a good cover art.
Like I didn't really think those things through it just kind of happened that, you know, they just worked for me.
But if I was going to start it again, I would say really invest in a good piece of cover art, invest in a good name, have a strong theme or idea of what you want to talk about.
And I would say make sure that it's unique to you.
There's no point looking at what someone else is doing and trying to replicate that because I think that it's just not authentic and you won't actually find that you're motivated to do it.
Like if that's someone, that's someone else's path, right?
That's someone else's dream.
And yes, we can have the same dreams, but you have to do your dreams in a different way.
So I would say, if you are really interested in like starting a podcast, really like sit down and think like, what do I love to talk about?
Not just what do I think I love to talk about, but like what would I sit down and talk about with my friends?
That's why there's so many like amazing chatty guest series out there, because that's what people want to talk about and hear.
They want to hear those intimate conversations.
They want to be educated.
And I think that also flips around to the people making the shows like, what would you actually want to listen to?
You learned that the hard way.
And don't be too preoccupied with social media.
I don't know if many people listening to this know, I have a TikTok, it is embarrassing.
I think it has like 200 followers because I like never advertise it.
And I get like 30 views because it just doesn't matter to me, right?
Like, I know that I'm not like someone who excels at social media.
I know that that's not what I do best.
I just want to share knowledge and talk and really think deeply about things and share that on.
So just know what you do best.
And also, sorry, this is so rambly, but have a good sense of what you want out of this.
Because if you're like, I want to be like a successful podcaster.
I don't think that happens overnight.
And there's going to be a lot of like work that goes into it that I think a lot of people don't see.
Like it is, it's a really fun hobby.
It's an amazing thing to do.
I would never discourage anyone from from doing it.
But it is a lot of work.
So like think about whether you're after an immediate reward or a long term reward and whether it is particularly fulfilling.
Um, this next question, I love this again is what is the favorite topic, my favorite topic that I've covered.
I have so many. But I did the recent episode I did on why I feel ugly was was actually one that I really enjoyed doing.
I think it was a lot more personal and a lot more intimate.
I did this episode on the psychology of the nine to five, I think it was like episode four with my best friend, Erin, she actually inspires so much of the content that I speak on here so much because she is she needs to come on again.
She is probably the most fascinating person you'll ever meet.
She has the most amazing, well thought out opinions and just talking to her about our lives and our 20s and what we're both going through really inspires a lot of the content.
So like the one that the other one that I can think of is the myth of the dream job that came from like a discussion with her.
The psychology of Lucky Girl syndrome that came from a discussion with her.
That's actually so interesting.
I would say my favorite episodes are ones that have come out of chatting and really connecting.
I think also, this is quite a solitary activity.
And when you get to sit down and really talk with someone and talk through your ideas and explain the psychology with someone else, it feels a lot more grounded and a lot more well -rounded.
So I would say those are my favorites.
And then also, oh, how could I forget the episode with Chidera Egero that I did at the start of the year?
I can't remember what the title was.
I think it's like parental ruins and dating men, something like that.
But that episode, I love that episode.
I actually regularly still listen to that episode, like once every month or couple of months.
All right. Next question.
Do you listen to your own advice?
Yeah, and no. Yes and no.
I think I cover a lot of topics that I personally need advice on and want to be able to do the research because they're something that I'm personally going through.
So the recent episode on self -sabotage, that was something that I was really kind of thinking about in my own personal life and wanted to explore that.
I think I do take my own advice because it is obviously everything that I produce is grounded in what I think and the evidence that I obviously acknowledge and know.
The other day, actually, it was interesting.
I was really struggling with confidence and I went back and I listened to my episode on self -confidence because I was like, who better to give me advice than me in some ways?
I'm going to trust my opinion perhaps a lot better.
Sometimes I do like to obviously listen to other people.
There's this podcast called Date Yourself Instead.
Love listening to that for some solid advice.
Sometimes you just need someone else to tell you what your deal is and to be honest with you in a way that you're perhaps not honest with yourself.
But yeah, I would say yes and no.
There are definitely things that I think we all still need to work on.
I find it really fascinating when people are like, oh, you seem to have your life together.
And I'm like, I absolutely do not have my life together.
I'm trying. I'm aiming for it.
But I just am really fascinated by how we can apply the psychology to not only improve our lives, but I think also on a deeper level understand our lives a bit more.
I think self -improvement is this really interesting domain and area where we think that everything needs to be directed towards being better and being good and excelling.
Sometimes it's actually about sitting down and being like, I'm going to take time to think and I'm going to really self -reflect and really do some of that hard work before I try so hard to shift everything around me and make my life perfect.
I do think that an equal part of self -improvement is contemplation and reflection as it is action.
The next question, which I thought was really, really funny, but this person just said, I want dates on your love life.
So it was actually really interesting because I met up with an old friend recently who knew me when I was in a past relationship that I've spoken about on this show.
And he was like, oh, I listened to some of those episodes that were about that person.
And I didn't know all these things happened.
And that left me a little bit shook.
It really did leave me questioning how much I should be sharing online about my dating life.
Obviously, I have been quite open about past relationships.
You know, I had my ex on the podcast, but it really does leave me thinking, like, I do think people can learn from my experiences because of their universal nature and that a lot of the things I think we all experience in our twenties, I'm also experiencing because I'm in my twenties, and they're not regularly
spoken about by people of this age to people of this age, if that makes sense.
But right now, I don't know what to say about my dating life right now, I would say I've worked through a lot of the stuff I like just needed to work through, not only to do with like past partners, but also just in terms of my own insecurities.
And I'm really happy.
And I'm at a place of like, such peace where nothing really bothers me.
And I'm, yeah, I'm just really happy and kind of dating around, but not very seriously, I think.
If you listen to my episode on dating with intention, you'll know, I'm not here for, I'm not here for a casual run around.
I'm not, I'm not down to clown as they say, I'm kind of just like, I value my time so much right now that I'm not really willing to let someone in unless they are the right person.
And whether I found that right person yet or not, I do not know.
So I guess that's what I'll say.
And also, thank you to my ex partners, because I'm very grateful to them.
They really have like inspired a lot of the content on this show.
It's interesting. This show like really started because of a breakup and then was really promoted, I guess I really was inspired and motivated by another situation.
And it's really refreshing to to say now that I'm so glad I went through those experiences.
And I'm so grateful to those people in a way that I don't think they'll ever know for not hurting me, but for just teaching me so much about myself and motivating me and inspiring me and really getting me to some points where I had to really sit down and think about my life.
So if they're listening out there, big shout out to you guys.
Big thank you. All righty.
So next question, which was a little bit different, but it was just like, we want life updates.
Where are you living right now?
What are you doing?
All right. So I get this question a lot.
Someone asked me if I lived in Berlin the other day.
I do not live in Berlin.
Unfortunately, it does look amazing.
I live in Sydney, Australia.
I've lived here for two, two years, almost two years.
And I actually live in a share house.
I live in a share house with three amazing guys, big shout out to Tom, Jack and Locky.
They are amazing housemates and like genuinely such good people to live with.
I think they have very much been like my rock.
I would really advise that if you're in your twenties, you should live in a share house.
It really does teach you a lot.
It is this like level of familiarity and like kind of family, like kind of friends, kind of something else relationship that we don't get to experience when we live at home with our parents or with our siblings or with the partner.
So I, yeah, I still live in a share house.
I live in the attic of my share house.
There we go. So it's like really beautiful.
I'm literally sitting here right now looking out my beautiful window and I really wouldn't change it.
I think that this way of living, like it's interesting.
Like I could definitely afford to live by myself or I could move out, but I enjoy this kind of communal nature and this communal way of living.
And I also like being able to sit down with someone at the end of the night and be like, okay, so what did you, what did you, what happened today?
And you know, what have you been thinking about?
And like, do we want to go to the gym and just like have a bit of a chat?
And it's actually just super rewarding and super valuable to me.
I used to live in Canberra, grow health policy.
So like advising government agencies and interest groups on how to better manage mental health in our society and what we needed to do and what systems we needed to change.
But I recently quit to do the podcast full time, which is honestly such a blessing.
I feel like this is such a gratitude episode where I'm like, thank you, thank you, thank you.
But genuinely without the lesson, like without, oh my gosh, like without you guys tuning in, that wouldn't be my life.
And it was kind of rough trying to do, manage doing this podcast, which I love so deeply.
And I would continue to do even if I couldn't do it full time, but managing that and like a nine to five job.
And if you've ever worked in management consulting, my gosh, you will know it's never nine to five.
It's like eight till seven, sometimes longer.
And then coming home and like trying to write like a really deep and thoughtful episode and really apply it to my life.
And I'm kind of glad that chapter is over.
But that is where I'm at right now.
Someone asked what are my plans for the future?
Oh my goodness. So many things, so many things.
Oh, I, I feel like I can say it on here.
So like, oh my gosh, maybe, hopefully my team doesn't like get mad at me.
Shelby, if you're listening to this, I'm so sorry.
But yeah, we're like in the process of like launching a Patreon, which is like something I've always really wanted to do.
There are things that you guys asked me for a lot.
One of them is like episode transcripts, Q &A slash like advice episodes, like a newsletter, book recommendations, like more of a community space.
And that was something that I was really, like I had some goals for this year and that was on there to create a space for that to happen.
So that's launching soon, you know, alongside that other things.
