Welcome to English as a Second Language podcast number 955, Dating a Possessive Person.
This is English as a Second Language podcast episode 955.
I'm your host, Dr Jeff McQuillan, coming to you from the Center for Educational Development in beautiful Los Angeles, California.
Our website is eslpod.com.
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If you do, you can download a learning guide for this episode from an 8-10 page guide that contains a complete transcript of everything I say.
This episode is a dialogue between Eliana and Matt about dating a possessive person.
Let's get started.
You're here.
I didn't think you'd be able to come.
Why?
I like seeing a movie with my friends as much as the next guy.
Yeah, but it's been weeks since we've seen you, ever since you started dating Helen.
She doesn't own me.
She's a little possessive, but I put my foot down when she gets too clingy.
Doesn't she get jealous if you so much as look at another woman?
She's the jealous type, that's true, but I reassure her all the time that she's the only one I want.
It's true that she's critical of other women, too, but what woman isn't?
She's fine if she knows where I am and whom I'm with.
She likes to know what I'm doing.
She's just concerned about me, that's all.
What did you say?
Nothing.
I see Xavier and Sophie over there.
Ready to get our tickets?
Hold on one second.
I just need to text Helen an update.
If she doesn't hear from me every half hour, she worries.
Isn't that sweet?
This episode is all about dating, D-A-T-I-N-G.
To date means to see someone romantically, to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
This is done before you get married.
Once you get married, we don't talk about dating.
We don't talk about anything really once you get married.
No, I'm just kidding.
Dating is seeing someone you are romantically interested in.
Eliana begins by saying to Matt, you're here.
I didn't think you'd be able to come.
I
I like seeing a movie with my friends as much as the next guy.
So now we learned that Matt and Eliana are apparently outside of or inside of a movie theater and that they are friends.
You see how much we can learn in just a few words?
Matt says he likes seeing a movie as much as the next guy.
That expression, as much as the next guy, means just like other people.
It's a phrase we use to emphasize that what you do or what you like to do is normal.
It's what everyone else does as well.
Eliana says, yeah, but it's been weeks since we've seen you, ever since you started dating Helen.
Now we learn that Matt is dating a girl by the name of Helen.
Matt says, she doesn't own me.
When someone says, she doesn't own me, he's probably lying, but...
He means, that person doesn't control me.
My girlfriend doesn't control me.
She doesn't tell me what I have to do.
I don't listen to what she says.
Again, this is completely imaginary.
This would never actually happen in the real world.
But Matt is saying that his girlfriend doesn't own him.
He says she's a little possessive.
To be possessive P-O-S-S-E-S-S-I-V-E means to want to have something only for yourself.
You don't want to share it with anyone else.
To be possessive means to want to have something and not have anyone else have it.
If you are possessive of another person, you may not like that other person talking to friends or family members instead of you.
That is sometimes a problem.
In fact, it's usually a problem if a person is very possessive, what we might describe as overly possessive.
Of course, you have to be possessive at some level to some extent a little bit about a person that you love.
You want them to spend time with you more than they spend time with other people.
Matt says, I put my foot down when she gets too clingy.
The expression to put your foot down means to be very assertive, to clearly indicate what you are willing to do or not willing to do.
You might say, for example if I see anyone not doing their work, I'm going to put my foot down and tell you to go home and take all your stuff with you.
You're fired.
I'm going to put my foot down.
I'm going to be very strong and assertive.
I'm going to say this is the law.
This is the rule.
And if you don't follow it, you're out.
Matt is saying that he's putting his foot down.
He's being strong and assertive with his girlfriend whenever she gets too clingy.
The adjective clingy, C-L-I-N-G-Y, comes from the verb to cling, C-L-I-N-G.
To cling is to hold on to something tightly.
To be clingy is to want to be with another person so much that the other person may get annoyed or bothered.
The other person may not like you being that close to them or wanting to be close to them all the time.
Eliana says, doesn't she get jealous if you so much as look at another woman?
Jealous, J-E-A-L-O-U-S, is when you have negative feelings of suspicion.
You think another person is not being faithful to you or loyal to you.
If a woman sees her husband talking to another beautiful woman, she might get upset.
She might be jealous.
She may want the husband to come back and stop talking to the beautiful woman.
The wife may think that her husband is perhaps interested romantically in this other woman and therefore doesn't want him talking to her.
That might be actually true.
So, you know, sometimes being jealous is a good thing.
However, here Eliana says that Matt's girlfriend Helen gets jealous if Matt so much as looks at another woman.
When we use the expression so much as we mean, especially when referring to usually referring to something that doesn't seem very important.
That is a very small action that shouldn't cause the person to get angry.
If a mother says to her children, don't eat this cake.
If you so much as take one piece, I'm going to send you to your room's Kind of a mean mom, but you understand what she's saying.
She doesn't want the children taking the cake.
If they eat so much as one piece, even if they only eat one piece, she will punish them.
She will send them to their room without their dinner.
Probably not a good idea, but it certainly does happen.
Matt says, she's the jealous type, meaning she's the kind of person who gets jealous.
Matt continues, I reassure her all the time that she's the only one I want.
To reassure R-E-A-S-S-U-R-E means to say something to someone to make them feel more confident or comfortable about a situation that they have doubts about.
You're trying to say to the other person, don't worry, everything's okay.
What I am telling you is true.
Matt tries to reassure Helen that Helen is the only one that Matt wants.
Matt says To be critical C-R-I-T-I-C-A-L means to say negative things about another person to find.
Errors, faults, or problems with what another person does or how another person acts or behaves.
The verb is to criticize.
Matt says his girlfriend is critical of other women.
But what woman isn't, meaning all women are critical of other women?
I guess that's what he's saying.
I'm not saying that.
Please don't email me and complain.
Email Matt.
Matt continues, she's fine if she knows where I am and whom I'm with.
The girlfriend doesn't get jealous if she knows where Matt is all the time, or at least she doesn't worry as much.
Eliana says, you mean you have to report in to her on your whereabouts?
To report in means to contact someone and tell them what you are doing, usually so that person can monitor your progress.
It's something you would do if you were an employee with your boss, right?
You might report in if you are traveling somewhere for your company to tell your boss what you were doing.
The idea of reporting in has with it the notion that the person you are reporting into somehow has authority or control over you.
Whereabouts, W-H-E-R-E-A-B-O-U-T-S, is where you are.
Whereabouts is all one word.
It's where you are located right now.
The police often use this word in trying to find a person who is missing or who has perhaps committed a crime, has broken the law.
We don't know the whereabouts of this person.
We don't know where this person is.
Matt says his girlfriend likes to know what he's doing.
She's just concerned about me.
That's all, Matt says.
Eliana says she seems really controlling.
To be controlling means to want to make all of the decisions for another person.
To want to decide what the other person is going to do.
To be in charge of another person.
That's to be controlling.
It's almost always considered a negative thing.
Matt says, what did you say?
Eliana says, nothing.
Matt didn't hear exactly what Eliana was saying, or perhaps he didn't like what she was saying.
Sometimes, if you don't like what someone has said, especially if they're insulting you or saying something critical about you or someone you love, You might pretend as though you didn't hear them.
Excuse me, what did you say?
You're basically telling the person to repeat what they said because you want to make sure that you heard it correctly, usually because it was something you didn't like.
Eliana, however, doesn't repeat what she says.
Instead, she changes the subject.
She decides to stop talking about this issue.
She says, I see Xavier and Sophie over there.
Ready to get our tickets?
Matt says, hold on one second, meaning wait just a few seconds.
I just need to text Helen an update.
To text someone means to send them a message, usually with your phone.
An update, U-P-D-A-T-E, is the most recent information about something.
The latest news about something.
Matt says, if his girlfriend doesn't hear from him, doesn't receive some sort of message from him, every half hour, every 30 minutes, she worries.
Isn't that sweet?
Sweet, S-W-E-E-T, here means kind or caring or considerate.
Matt thinks it's sweet that his girlfriend wants him to give her updates every 30 minutes about what he's doing.
He thinks it's a nice thing.
It shows that she loves him, which she probably does, but it sounds as though she might be a little possessive.
Now let's listen to the dialogue, this time at a normal speed.
You're here.
I didn't think you'd be able to come.
Why?
I like seeing a movie with my friends as much as the next guy.
Yeah, but it's been weeks since we've seen you, ever since you started dating Helen.
She doesn't own me.
She's a little possessive, but I put my foot down when she gets too clingy.
Doesn't she get jealous if you so much as look at another woman?
She's the jealous type, that's true, but I reassure her all the time that she's the only one I want.
It's true that she's critical of other women too, but what woman isn't?
She's fine if she knows where I am and whom I'm with.
You mean you have to report in to her on your whereabouts?
She likes to know what I'm doing.
She's just concerned about me, that's all.
She seems really controlling.
What did you say?
Nothing.
I see Xavier and Sophie over there.
Ready to get our tickets?
Hold on one second.
I just need to text Helen an update.
If she doesn't hear from me every half hour, she worries.
Isn't that sweet?
We're never critical of our scriptwriter.
That's because she's a wonderful scriptwriter and there's nothing to be critical of.
I speak, of course, of the wonderful Dr. Lucy Say.
From Los Angeles, California, I'm Jeff McQuillan.
Thank you for listening.
Come back and listen to us again right here on ESL Podcast.
English as a Second Language podcast is written and produced by Dr Lucy Say, hosted by Dr Jeff McQuillan.
Copyright 2013 by the Center for Educational Development.
