If winter is getting you down and you need a break, or if you want to give someone a real Pass.
Your brother, the bread Matilda.
Pass your brother the jam, Matilda.
Harry, your eggs are done!
Coming!
Pass your brother the peanut butter, Matilda.
Oh, what a beautiful morning!
Here comes the master of the house.
Good morning, all.
And where's my sausage, egg and bacon?
Just getting it out of the pan, treasure.
Here it is.
Oh!
What's the extra matter?
You've just dropped me breakfast, woman.
God, look at the mess you've made.
But what have you... What on earth is it?
You look as though you've seen a ghost.
What have you done?
Whatever have you done?
What are you talking about?
What do you mean, what have I done?
Whatever have I done?
Whatever have you done to... To what?
To what?
To you!
To my hair?
Oh, my God, Dad.
Never seen nothing like it.
I ain't done nothing to it.
You dyed it.
It looks horrendous.
Eh?
Why did you do it, you fool?
You what?
You look like a freak.
What the blazes are you talking about?
You look weird, Dad.
Your beautiful black hair.
You're beautiful.
Is this some stupid joke?
No, Dad, you must have dyed it.
It's the same colour as Mum's, only much dirtier looking.
Of course he dyed it.
No, I haven't.
It can't change colour all by itself.
I know that.
What on earth were you trying to do?
Make yourself look handsome or something?
You look like somebody's grandmother gone wrong.
Give me a mirror.
Don't just stand here shrieking at me.
Get me a mirror.
Get my powder comp out of my bag, Matilda.
Just there on the side.
God, the world's gone absolutely mad.
Here, have a look at yourself.
Oh, my God.
What's happened to me?
See?
I look just like you gone wrong.
Oh!
I can't go down to the garage and sell cars looking like this.
How could it have happened?
I imagine Daddy, that you weren't looking very hard and you simply took Mummy's bottle of hair stuff off the shelf instead of your own.
Really, Harry?
How stupid can you get?
Why didn't you read the label before you started splashing stuff all over you?
I don't know how it happened.
It's terrible strong stuff.
You only need a tablespoonful.
Oh yeah?
I shouldn't be surprised if it didn't take all your hair off in the end.
Eh?
It's your scalp burning.
You mean I'm gonna lose all my hair?
I shouldn't be surprised.
Peroxide's a very powerful chemical.
It's what they put down the lavatory to disinfect the pan, only they give it another name.
I'm not a lavatory pan.
I don't want to be disinfected.
Even diluted like I use it, it makes a good deal of my hair fall out.
So goodness knows what's going to happen to you.
I don't believe it.
I'm surprised it didn't take the whole of the top of your head off.
What shall I do?
I'd give it a good wash, Dad, if I were you with soap and water.
Oh, really?
But you'll have to hurry.
Will that change the colour back?
Oh, of course it won't, you twit.
Then what do I do?
I can't go around looking like this forever.
You'll have to have it dyed black.
But wash it first or there won't be any there to dye.
Right, right.
Get me an appointment with your hairdresser this instant for an air dyeing job.
Calm down.
Tell them it's an emergency.
Stop getting in a state.
They'll have to boot someone off their list.
I'm ringing them, I'm ringing them.
I'm going upstairs to wash it right now.
He does do some pretty silly things now and again, doesn't he, Mummy?
I'm afraid men are not always quite as clever as they think they are.
You learn that when you get a bit older, my girl.
There we are.
Four books due back in two weeks' time.
Thank you.
I wonder... May I help you with anything else, madam?
I believe you may.
Would you be Mrs Phelps by any chance?
That's right.
Oh, how do you do?
I'm Miss Honey.
I teach at Cruncham Hall Primary School.
Oh, yes.
It's about a new pupil in my class.
A girl called Matilda Wormwood.
Do you know her?
Do I know Matilda?
Logs!
She's been borrowing books from this library since she was so high.
She told me all about you.
An extraordinary little girl.
Absolutely.
Look, is there anywhere we can go?
You know, to talk.
Well, we could have a cup of tea in the cafe.
It's almost my tea break time.
I'll meet you there in five minutes' time, if you like.
I'd like that very much.
Of course, by the time Matilda first turned up at the library, she was already reading.
At the age of four, I ask you.
Taught herself, she had, from newspapers and magazines that lay around the house.
But she began hankering after books.
The only book in the whole of her house was something called Easy Cooking.
I remember her telling me how she'd asked her dad if he could buy her a book.
And he wouldn't.
No fear, he said, what's wrong with a telly?
I see.
But who brought her to the library?
Oh, she brought herself.
She did, bless her.
But she was only four.
I know.
But that's dreadful.
Between you, me and the gatepost.
I can tell you that her parents left her alone all afternoon, you know.
It worried me something rotten.
But you know how difficult it is to interfere.
I thought if I stuck my nose in, they wouldn't let her come to the library at all.
She was supposed to entertain herself watching telly.
Her big brother went to school, her father went to work at his garage and her mother went out playing bingo.
They showed no interest in Matilda at all.
And her such a clever little thing.
I remember the day she first walked in.
Goodness me, I do, as if it were only yesterday.
